OK so here's my long story.. I was 6 months pregnant with my daughters bio father. When I was 6 months pregnant he had a one night stand and guess what... she got pregnant and we broke up (never married). He was not there when she was born, she has my last name and when I did ask him if he wanted to come see her after we got home, he said "maybe later i'm going golfing" and he showed up 2 days later. My boyfriend and I have been togther since she was 5 months old and she (with no pushing from us) calls him daddy. I tried to make it work out for her sake as to making sure she saw him and with out telling anyone he moved out of state and hasn't seen her in quite awhile.. paternity has been established, I had to apply for 4-c's when she was born because I couldn't afford the full amount for daycare. He does pay child support through garnishment otherwise wouldn't pay at all and he has told me so... last year they sent him a letter saying that his taxes were being mailed to me and he called me and started going off on how he's sick of me getting all his money and that he's not going to help pay for anything else including school or daycare or dance if I enroll her in that because he pays support and "was forced" to put her on his insurance. He also blames me for him not seeing her because I won't drive her to him (he lives in another state still). Is there anything at all I can do to get him out of the picture? My daughter doesn't even know him and if you ask me, what's in the best interest of the child in the states eyes is not always what IS in the best interest.. can I just stop having his paychecks garnished through the state and be done with it? He's already told me he'll see her when he comes home to see his family because "he may as well since he's paying support" AND THAT is NOT in her best interest for a reason for him to see her.. I'm getting married in June and we have been talking to lawyers about my fiancé adopting her and they tell us to wait:confused:! Any info would be great..

Most states will require that you be married and some will require that you be married for at least a year before your husband can adopt your child. The adoption, if the bio father consents, would remove him from the picture permanently.

If there is no visitation order in place, you do not have to allow him to see the child when he is home.

He is right about one thing though - technically he does not owe you more for school or dance or whatever. His C/S payment and insurance, assuming that is what was ordered, is all he owes.

You can cancel his garnishment if you are not on state support, but frankly, that will make him less likely to agree to the adoption when you get there.

Most states will require that you be married and some will require that you be married for at least a year before your husband can adopt your child. The adoption, if the bio father consents, would remove him from the picture permanently.

If there is no visitation order in place, you do not have to allow him to see the child when he is home.

He is right about one thing though - technically he does not owe you more for school or dance or whatever. His C/S payment and insurance, assuming that is what was ordered, is all he owes.

You can cancel his garnishment if you are not on state support, but frankly, that will make him less likely to agree to the adoption when you get there.



Another thing I do not get is why is it OK for him to move to another state with out telling anyone (including his lawyer, who ended up pulling himself out of the case when we were going for child support)? And we can't move without him being able to stop us? It seems like when guys run and don't play the MOST IMPORTANT part in a child's life, they can run around and do anything and not have it held against them, but the women who take care of the children day in and day out have to have permission from those men.. he doesn't take care of her emotionaly on the part that matters but yet the man that does (my fiance) has no rights to her at all and won't unless he agrees to sign off even though he is not in her life and that is NOT in her best interest.. children deserve to be taken care of by 2 people and if it wernt for my fiancé being around since she was 5 months old, she'd have no male figure in a in home area. It's just frustrating. Sorry I don't agree with the laws, 2 bad that's not enough to change it.

another thing i do not get is why is it ok for him to move to another state with out telling anyone (including his lawyer, who ended up pulling himself out of the case when we were going for child support)? and we can't move without him being able to stop us? it seems like when guys run and dont play the MOST IMPORTANT part in a childs life, they can run around and do anything and not have it held against them, but the women who take care of the children day in and day out have to have permission from those men.. he doesnt take care of her emotionaly on the part that matters but yet the man that does (my fiance) has no rights to her at all and wont unless he agrees to sign off even though he is not in her life and that is NOT in her best interest.. children deserve to be taken care of by 2 people and if it wernt for my fiance being around since she was 5 mos old, she'd have no male figure in a in home area. it's just frustrating. sorry i dont agree with the laws, 2 bad that's not enough to change it.


I should add to this that I understand it's because the child needs 2 forms of financial support. But if he doesn't play the roll of daddy to her after my fiancé and I get married in June, that's the part of the law I don't agree with and the fact he can up and leave and not play the part that matters to her.. luckily my fiancé does and is happy to, that's why I think after we are married he should legally have the roll

First, it is very different for an NCP to move then for the CP. If there is a visitation order in place, and your moving prevents the NCP from exercising his rights under the visitation order, then the CP needs to get permission or be in contempt of court.

However the NCP is not required to exercise his visitation rights so his moving does not involve contempt of court.

Your problem is that the bio father has rights, whether he exercises them or not. You are then trying to take away those rights so your husband (now fiancee) can adopt the child. Try putting yourself in that place and see if you would give up all rights to your child?

You are confusing what may be morally correct with how the law reads.

If he pays support and doesn't see the child I don't know why you are upset that he moved. I'd be very, very happy that I don't have to deal with him.

First, it is very different for an NCP to move then for the CP. If there is a visitation order in place, and your moving prevents the NCP from exercising his rights under the visitation order, then the CP needs to get permission or be in contempt of court.

However the NCP is not required to exercise his visitation rights so his moving does not involve contempt of court.

Your problem is that the bio father has rights, whether he exercises them or not. You are then trying to take away those rights so your husband (now fiancee) can adopt the child. Try putting yourself in that place and see if you would give up all rights to your child?


I know that if I had a child that didn't live with me I would not move and not be a part of her life.. he is the one who isn't excersizing his rights as her parent. He doesn't see her That is his fault

i know that if i had a child that didnt live with me i would not move and not be a part of her life.. he is the one who isnt excersizing his rights as her parent. he doesnt see her That is his fault


This is a legal board, not a message board, not a blog. You asked a question and were answered several times BY LAW.

I understand you are frustrated but fault does not matter here - it's all by Law (which may or may not be "fair").

Again - if he is not part of her life but pays support, why are you trying to make him part of her life?

You are confusing what may be morally correct with how the law reads.

If he pays support and doesn't see the child I don't know why you are upset that he moved. I'd be very, very happy that I don't have to deal with him.

I am TRUST ME lol! But the part I don't agree with is the fact that her soon to be step father who raises her like he would his own "leagally" would have no other connection to her except being her moms husband. I was wondering about getting her name changed after I'm married and also know my ex would have to approve of it and I don't think that's fair. She has my last name now and I had that choice when she was born but now I have no choice for anything since her birth without his consent. I fought with people before I had her, they told me he would end up doing this but I said he deserved to be her father. And all he's done is proved everyone else right and me look stupid for telling them to back off and give it a chance.

This is a legal board, not a message board, not a blog. You asked a question and were answered several times BY LAW.

I understand you are frustrated but fault does not matter here - it's all by Law (which may or may not be "fair").

Again - if he is not part of her life but pays support, why are you trying to make him part of her life?

This is true and I agree with you. The only frustrating thing to me is while I'm not forcing him to be a part of her life, he can still come in a few years down the road and say "hey! i'm your daddy" what's that going to do to her? THAT is the only thing that worries me. I know that my lawyer said if he did try that the court would order he spend a couple hours with her at a time with me there so she got used to him, but she (my lawyer) also said that he probably wouldn't follow through with that and we'd move for termination.. all I'm worried about is what its going to do to her. Mayb there will be nothing to worry about who knows. And the reason for me asking about the moving situation is because the company I work for is transferring to Florida and my last day here is this Friday, and seeing as companies are closing and not hiring a transfer would have been great

Depending on the age of the child and what you tell her about her bio dad, his reappearance may not be as traumatic as you think.

But, again, you have little or no choice in the matter. The law says so. And you didn't answer my question. Telling me you would not get into the situation in the first place is not an answer.