I have been married going on 17 years and each year it just doesn't get better. I have 3 minor kids with the oldest being 16 & youngest being 9. This relationship is abusive. It is every bit emotionally abusive and has been physically abusive. I don't know why but I don't and can't seem to get the strength to leave. When I say that I am going to leave, I get threatened. I have no family here so I don't have anyone here to go to which makes it harder. I have a job and I have associates that I work with but no one close enough for me to talk to. I feel ashamed and embarrassed and don't know where to go for help. We have tried counseling but that didn't help. The emotional abuse I face is being called every bad name you can think of. I've gained weight which makes it even worse with the name calling. We have a home and he will not leave it and I can't afford an appt for me and my 3 children. I don't know where I can get assistance with. How can I find the courage & strength to leave?

I would like you to visit this website right away

National Domestic Violence Hotline (http://www.ndvh.org/)

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE. Feel free to call whenever you need support.

Please also contact a local battered women's shelter as you need to leave this marriage immediately. Please do not threaten or even tell your husband you are planning to leave, it is something you must do without his consent.

Feel free to continue to post here with any questions or just how you are feeling. Getting on your feet and up off your knees is very difficult to do. Look for all of the assistance that you can.

You have to be strong and don't let him bully you to staying, leave him he thinks you need him not the other way around. I was in a similar situation and I finally divorce him after long 13 years of marriage. There are help out there if you go to any government help and know that he will also have to pay child support. You can even get free attorney if you research and get food stamps so there are options so go out and get it. Good luck to you.