To begin with, I am entirely new to this website, and if a topic of this nature has already been posted, I greatly apologize. I am simply desperate to know whether I ought to be altering my behavior in regards to my relationship issues, or if something is truly afoot.

Here's the problem:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year, but for the last six months of our relationship, the major cause to all of our fighting and arguing has been his friendship with a close female friend. My boyfriend, for the sake of anonymity, I will refer to him as Charlie--well, Charlie is an extremely charming bloke. He is very laid-back and infinitely friendly to everyone he meets. He's consistent in his behavior toward everyone--guys and girls--equally. And, whether he realizes this or not, it causes him to garner a prodigious amount of female attention. Which probably explains how he has come to have such a myriad of female friends.

Needless to say, I am jealous. So jealous that I can't even see straight half of the time. I certainly can no longer think logically. It has become a serious problem, and has driven me to nearly leaving him several times.

I've had horrific experiences in the past revolving around this sort of thing. A previous boyfriend who cheated on me with his close female mate, and another who left me for his best female friend. And Charlie has made it clear that he won't be the sort of guy who gives up any of his friends for me. Not even if it's killing me--which, I firmly believe it is causing me to go prematurely gray.

This particular female friend in question--whom I will call Daisy--works during the day, and therefore, her only available time to see Charlie (and myself, because I demand to be present at all times) is at night. It's absolutely dreadful. She'll come over at eleven o'clock at night, and will not leave until six or seven in the morning. All three of us will have to work the following day, but neither Charlie nor Daisy care in the slightest. And Charlie knows very well that I will not just exit the room to sleep, because it would mean leaving him alone with her... in OUR apartment. And he refuses to ask her to leave at a specific time, or take the blame himself by saying that he's tired, because he feels that I'm being selfish in asking him to do that. That, he's still having fun and a good time, so why should he suffer by asking Daisy to leave? He throws the fact that he never goes out of his way to see her by himself in my face every time I ask him to just do this one bloody thing for me. But, at the same time, if Daisy just randomly shows up at the apartment, asking him to spend the day with her, he will not object.

I absolutely despise this girl. Not only is she not the sort of person I would ever willingly choose to spend time with, but she knows full well what she's doing. Charlie claims that he tries to invite both Daisy and her boyfriend to the apartment, but somehow... Daisy is always the only one who comes. It's so bloody awkward with just the three of us. I'm always left out while they're reminiscing over high school. It doesn't help that I know both of them used to fancy each other, even while Charlie was with another girl in a very serious relationship.

I simply do not trust Daisy... and I suppose it's because I AM a girl myself, and therefore, I know how women operate. Girls are absolutely awful when it comes to men, and possessively territorial.

I know on some level it was wrong to do this, but I threatened Charlie once. The whole, "You have to choose. Either you want her as your friend, or me as your girlfriend and future wife." Which... of course, he spat, "I will always choose the person who ISN'T putting in this position."

Call me mental, but I always felt that boyfriends should side with their girlfriends on everything. Always choosing them over everything else, if they love them. Blah.

How valid are my worries? My fears are mostly a result of my history, but also a combination of their behavior together and the fact that she refuses to speak with me without Charlie present. She's told me once that she wanted to get to know me and become friends, but every time I attempt to initiate a conversation with her via texting or a phone call, she never responds. Ever. But if Charlie texts or contacts her during the same time, she'll instantly reply to him. I do not know what to think.

Girls have a tendency to be guilty of treating male friends as substitute boyfriends, because they enjoy the attention. I get the impression that Daisy is this way. Most definitely.

What should I do? I suppose... if he truly desired to be with her, he wouldn't be wasting his time with me. But I just can't shake the feelings of hurt and rejection whenever he mentions her or wants to spend time with her. Yes, he claims his friends are his family... but after all of the things we've been through together, I sort of thought that... he might be willing to be more sensitive to my feelings.

Anyway, thank you for your time in reading this! I greatly, greatly appreciate it.

Hopelessly miserable,
rora83

This is a complex issue as you have made it one, because of your past, and your dislike of this female.

Your not totally in the wrong though, as your boyfriend seems to be oblivious of your feelings, or her tactics.

There in lies the rub, as I think your boyfriend is being himself, but hurting your feelings.

You can't control his actions, but you can leave when she shows up, and let him see this on his own. Hard to do, but until the real facts present themselves, he will keep doing what he does.

If you don't trust him to do the right thing for you both, what's the point of being in a relationship?

I'm going to agree with Tal on this one. You can't babysit him. He's your adult boyfriend, not an adolescent pre-pubescent teenager.

I've always said that trust is the foundation of a relationship; without trust, no relationship. If you do not trust him to uphold your relationship, then you shouldn't be with him. Period.

You're going to have to decide if you want to rest in the fact that he chose you, or let him go. To him, you may appear as spiteful, non-trusting warden, who won't even trust him to entertain his friend while you sleep.

That all being said, I do see your issues.

Bottom line: you're going to have to talk to him - calmly and rationally. You're going to have to tell him your fears, be honest with him about your dislike of the girl friend, and truly "spill your guts." THEN... let it lie. Que se ra, right?

You have to take a stand and then stand. You said that you've already told him that you wouldn't be friends if you had the choice, that you don't trust her, that you want him to choose. But, you need to gather your thoughts and calmly present them to him. Reminding him that you love him, that you want to be with him, but that you need him to know what you're feeling.

Go to sleep when you feel you need to go to sleep. He has to see that you mean business. Don't give him an ultimatum, but tell him that it really, truly hurts your feelings and go from there.

If he doesn't respect you enough to honor your feelings when you present them in an adult manner, maybe he isn't worth your love.

Sounds brutal, but it's true.

Be honest with him. Present your "case." Leave it there. Decide on a period to re-evaluate.

I do hope that it works out for you. Jealousy can ruin a relationship; but when someone refuses to change simply because it's not convenient, that is cause for alarm.

I wish you the best.

For the record, every situation is fact specific, so no one really has the same situation.

As for you, the problem shouldn't be Daisy, it's your boyfriend. You need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend telling him how uncomfortable you are with the whole situation. If he really cared about you, he would respect your feelings. If he dosen't, then it's time to say "bye bye".

As for not trusting Daisy. It's not really about her. It's about trusting your boyfriend. You sound like you are in denial. You think that Daisy is coming between you and your boyfriend? I find that inaccurate. Your boyfriend is the one coming between the two of you because you can't seem to trust him.

Regardless, of all this, I find your situation extremely awkward. How can a girl be at your place until 6 or 7am and still have to go to work the next day? She's practically sleeping over. Don't you guys have to sleep? Doesn't her boyfriend care?

Thank you all so much for your responses and insights. I know I am probably overreacting, and placing the blame directly on Daisy, rather than focusing on the true issue at hand: Charlie, and my inability to trust him, and/or his lacking ability to respect my feelings.

There are other small incidents that I did not include, for I ran out of time earlier, but I would like to share them now.

Charlie has told Daisy, repeatedly, that I harbor ill feelings toward her, and that he is incredibly apologetic for not being able to see her more often--he wishes to see her three to four times per week, but contents himself with seeing her once, because he does not want to risk getting into an argument with me over it.

I specifically asked him to respect that my feelings were to remain between us, as letting Daisy become aware of my insecurities would more likely cause all future gatherings between the three of us to be horrendously awkward. His response?

"I'm not sorry for breaking that promise, because I felt she deserved to know."

And this week... Charlie has three days off--in a row--which is something that never occurs, as we both work forty plus hours weekly. I gleefully cheered when I saw his schedule for the week, thrilled that we finally have a few days to spend with each other without work getting in the way. I approached him, inquiring as to what he would like to do and how he would like to spend his days off--when he responded, "Daisy will be coming over Wednesday and Thursday night, after she gets out of work."

I was completely blindsided and bewildered. Apparently, the thought hadn't crossed his mind to even allow me to be in on the plans.

I then stated, "Well... okay. I just wish you would have asked me first, as it is my home, too. And you know how nervous it makes me when she's around."

He then said, "I don't actually know for certain when she'll be coming. It might be for the entire day and evening on Wednesday, and just the evening on Thursday."

I couldn't contain my disappointment, and I let him know how hurt I was that he didn't want to spend his days off with just me--something we haven't been able to do in weeks.

He then replied, "Don't you think you owe me this? I haven't seen her in a month."

And his tone abruptly ended the conversation.

I don't know. I cannot keep arguing with him over Daisy. I cannot keep listening to my female mates tell me that their boyfriends would respect their feelings enough to alter the situation to accommodate everyone's feelings.

Is it normal for a person in a committed relationship to desire the company of another female as often as he does? And to disregard my feelings? I don't know. As much as it annoys me to have her in the apartment until six or seven in the morning, I can't even fathom the idea of them going off to do whatever--it doesn't make me comfortable. And he probably wouldn't come home until even later, if that were to occur.

Sigh. Thank you again for all of your responses!

The problem is you are too insecure about your relationship with your boyfriend. You lack a lot of trust. You can say that you trust your boyfriend but not the girl. If you trust your boyfriend, then who cares what the girl does, your boyfriend will know what to do.

He obvious sees her as a really good friend and you can't expect him to stop being friends with her to be with you. If he still has feelings for her, then that's another story. That would mean that he's emotionally cheating on you and you have to dump him.

I can share my personal experience with you. My ex has 4 or 5 really good friends (guys and girls). I didn't hate them, but I felt like I couldn't relate to them. I felt like she would have a better time with them when I'm not around. That way she won't have to babysit me and make sure I'm having a good time too. So I let her spend time with her friends and she lets me spend time with my friends. I think it worked out really well. We never had a fight about her friends or my friends. We broke up for other reasons.

Do you really want to push him to the point where he has to block her out of his life completely? When the day comes for you to block out one of your friends completely, will you be ready do that too?

The point is, you don't trust him to be alone with her. So without trust, there's no relationship. I'm sorry to say, but if you can't stand this girl you shouldn't force yourself to see her. That's just going to make you miserable. Either trust him and let him hang out with her alone (seeing that he's already willing to compromise and hang out with her once a week instead of 3 or 4. He seems understanding enough). Otherwise, if you can't trust your boyfriend, it's time to end it and move on.

I Wish, I think you're right.

The only thing is... how do I train myself to be okay with it? To feel content while he's out spending time with only her? I know that if I were to remain at home, I would be obsessing over what they're doing until the moment he returns.

And, with Daisy's schedule being as it is, if they were to spend time together alone, it would mean that he would be away for an entire night--with her. No businesses that I know of are open past midnight... and Daisy is not legal to drink in a bar, nor is that something Charlie finds appealing. I just don't know what they would busy themselves with--movies cease showing after nine or ten at night. What else is there for them to do until six or seven in the morning?

Would it be reasonable to ask him to be home at a certain time? Or would that be construed as controlling? I don't know. Her availability makes things terribly awkward.

I just can't imagine myself actually going to sleep the moment he departs with her--as it would only be with her. Her boyfriend never tags along, and I've only ever spent time in a group with him once. I'm not quite sure what that's about.

I can understand having friends of the opposite sex, I really can. I have many male friends of my own... but I do not need to see them on a weekly basis to be happy.

Hmph. I know you're all right--I need to be able to trust him, or there's no point to remaining in a relationship with him. I just wish that he didn't want to see her so often and at such an inconvenient time of day--or night, rather.

This is my first serious relationship, and I know I have loads to learn about communication and what it takes to build a lasting relationship. The lack of trust may stem deeper than this Daisy issue--the fact that I lost my virginity to him, and moved in with him... only to find that he rarely desires to spend time with me, virtually never initiates any physical contact whatsoever, and invites Daisy over to, essentially, stay the night.

And to respond to an earlier question, I have no idea how Daisy's boyfriend feels about it. What I do find rather strange is how Charlie will tell Daisy repeatedly that he doesn't need sleep, he doesn't require it, she can remain as long as she pleases--but the moment she finally does excuse herself, he passes out instantly. He and I rarely spend time together, because he refuses to stay up past a specific time frame if he has to work the following morning--a rule that he clearly abandons for Daisy. When he's in the apartment, it's basically to eat and sleep--we never do anything together anymore. So it hurts me immensely when he remains awake for so long when Daisy is present, and he gets into actual arguments with me if I keep him awake thirty minutes longer than he wanted.

There have been times where Charlie has worked a sixteen hour day, and had to be at work at four in the morning the next day--and he'd invite Daisy over. He wouldn't sleep at all. She'd even take him to work, while I remained in the apartment in a sleep-deprived stupor. But once he returned home around noon that day, he immediately passed out, despite it being my only day off for that week. He slept all day and all night. I didn't see him again until the next day, when I got home from work.

Sigh. I suppose the best I can do is to change my behavior--trust him and allow him freedom, even if it does hurt and puzzle me. I just wish Daisy wouldn't be so friendly with him when I'm around. He doesn't treat me as though I'm his girlfriend when she's present. They'll sit very close together, joking, laughing, pushing each other playfully and flirting--while I attempt to pathetically join in the conversation. Daisy will spend a vast majority of her time complaining about her boyfriend and telling Charlie that he's amazing for being the way he his.

I don't know. I would feel more comfortable with Daisy's intentions if she hadn't confessed once to wanting to break up Charlie's best friend and his girlfriend--for she felt his best friend deserved better... despite the fact that they had just gotten engaged.

Bleh.

As always, your advice is greatly appreciated, and I thank you all for listening to me carry on the way that I do.

Well first of all, try to keep yourself busy. Spend time with your own friends while he's out with his friends. Then you can be having fun too.

Otherwise, you should confront him. Tell him that you don't mind him spending time with his friends, but as long as he spends some quality time with you too. And then you'll have to trust that he works out his schedule.

You definitely don't want to push him away or control him. What you can do is let him know how you feel. You have to have an open communication with him. You guys seem to be doing all right. He already knows that you are uncomfortable around the other girl, so he's already willing to compromise. That's really good already. Just make sure to keep up that type of communication. If it keeps bothering you, just remind him that you don't like the girl (to get it off your chest, no point keeping it inside and building it up), but that you care about him and want him to be happy. So you're willing to compromise. As long as you're both compromising, I think it's a good sign. It's bad when it becomes a one way relationship. If you see that he's making an effort to keep you happy, then I'm not sure what else you want from him.

As for not treating you like a girlfriend around her. You're just going to have to confront him about it. These are all tough questions to ask him, but if he can't handle the tough questions, then how can you still be with him?

Just remember, the second you stop trusting him, it's a much bigger problem that just that girl.

Thank you again, I Wish.

You're right. I should probably start tomorrow, as he's invited her over for the night. I'll let him have the option of leaving with her or having her come to the apartment. I'll just make sure to have plans with a friend of my own first, so I do not go insane with jealousy while he's with her.

Hopefully this will make things better, and maybe if I begin to trust him more--and not just pretending to, but actually feeling content and secure enough to see him spend time with other girls... maybe he'll be more sympathetic toward my feelings. I guess that's what I want most from him. To just acknowledge that I matter to him, as he has a tendency to defend Daisy whenever I mention that I dislike her.

Anyway, you have all been very helpful, and I will keep you posted on how things transpire within the next few days. Hopefully things will improve. I know it will take time... but I think the first night of seeing him leave with her will be the hardest. Once I get through it, it should become easier. I hope.

Thank you again!

Oh yeah. Ive been in the same relationship. The guy was always to busy to talk to me and then had lots of fun flirting with other people.. I didn't let it bother me until he couldn't afford a birthday present for me but decided he wanted to buy a nice gift for one of his girlfriends.. However. It was a high school relationship. Very tender and innocent. I hated him for so long for every reason under the sun but didn't break up. I even developed a case of depression from all the stress he gave me. All I'm trying to say is, it's good you're already communicating when something bothers you. But I think it really is a good idea to have some friends over to hang with. Good friends will ease your stress nicely. I as well admire your attitude around this matter. :) Good luck! Would appreciate updates!

Thank you again for all of the support, everyone. I truly appreciate it. As a side note - I'm very sorry that you had to endure an awful relationship like that, Kara. I know what you mean about becoming depressed and such as a result of your boyfriend's behavior. I've been under so much stress because of it--even if it truly is all in my mind and not based on validity. But I admire the way you moved on from that relationship. It clearly made you stronger. Thanks for sharing that.

And now, for an update.

I approached Charlie with the option of taking Daisy elsewhere, rather than simply remaining in the apartment--and he chose the apartment. I was stunned, to say the least. You have all remained consistent in stating that I shouldn't make myself miserable by choosing to be around Daisy, if I honestly cannot stand the girl--and I vehemently concur now, after giving it some thought. I doubt I'll ever understand Charlie's reasons for considering her such a close friend--but I know that I, personally, would much rather spend my time with people I enjoy and doing things I actually like. When Daisy comes over, she just wants to sit beside Charlie and talk about the past, or complain about the present. I find it to be horrendously obnoxious, and I almost question how Charlie can have a friend of her nature to begin with.

But anyway.

You are all spot on. I can no longer be around her. She drives me absolutely mental.

I decided to simply tell Charlie all of that, truthfully, and ask him to take his friendship with her elsewhere... when he confronted me about something.

"What about when we go camping? How are you going to ignore her, then?"

I had completely forgotten about that.

Charlie is very enthusiastic about nature, and he adores camping in the summer--and it had slipped my mind entirely that he invited Daisy to join us camping on the first weekend where the weather is appropriate.

Can you imagine?

Charlie, Daisy, and myself, all sharing a tent?

I nearly exploded at the thought of it--of how weird it would be. I suddenly realized that Charlie actually expected me to become friends with his friends--to tolerate them, as he would be inviting them along on a vast majority of our excursions.

Quite frankly, I only wish to be dating Charlie--not Daisy and his other mates.

I'm perfectly content with group outings... but Charlie is making it almost impossible for us to do anything alone anymore. He's always asking a friend of his to join--more often than not, it's Daisy.

I don't know if I can handle it. I really don't fancy myself having a good time camping with Daisy. I asked him if she could at least sleep in a separate tent, but he said that Daisy didn't have a tent of her own, and he wasn't about to ask her to sleep outside in a sleeping bag.

My face fell, and I swiftly ended the conversation.

Daisy will be arriving in our apartment tonight at approximately ten o'clock. Charlie wants to go shopping before hand, so we have the appropriate snacks and drinks for Daisy's liking. It's starting to irk me again. He always does this--we rarely purchase anything we do not absolutely require (our funds are slightly low at the moment), yet he'll go berserk, buying everything in sight... the moment Daisy is about to come over. But on any normal day, where I'm asking to purchase a soda or something, he'll vehemently tell me no. I don't understand it. The more I think about it, the angrier I become.

Does anyone have any tips for remaining calm in these scenarios? I quite feel as though I am going to have a heart attack one of these days.

Thank you again for your time and insight!

Dude. He's being really unfair. I second wish's statement. If he's not going to compromise and be a little fairer and stop doing what Daisy wants to do and more of what you want to do... then this becomes very one way. Girl, you've got a strong heart. But The only thing I guess you can do is put your mind on other things. Are you hanging with your other friends tonight?

Thank you so much for the quick replies. I was at my wits end earlier, and desperately needed feedback.

Charlie keeps saying that we see each other every day because we live together, and it shouldn't matter how much time it actually is for. Why is it that he doesn't apply this rule to Daisy? And, now I feel rather silly for having chosen Daisy as a her anonymous name, as the image of an animated duck keeps coming to mind.

Anyway, I just don't know what to do. And I'm limited in my friends, as we both just moved to this city. I've contacted one of my mates that lives close by, but she appears to be having issues of her own with her boyfriend, and isn't sure if she can do anything.

This camping this has me entirely out of sorts, and it's ridiculous, for it wouldn't be until the summer. Yet, I can't seem to get my mind off it. I feel as though Daisy is going to be a permanent fixture in our lives, and I'm not sure if I can take it. Everyone was right about Daisy, though. Regardless of her behavior, it isn't her fault. Charlie's the one who desires her company more than she desires his--well, actually, I'm not entirely sure about that, because she invites him over to her house all of the time while I'm working, but he declines. She knows I want to be present.

Merciful Merlin, this entire situation has grown so far out of proportion and so entirely awkward for everyone involved. Or perhaps not, as I appear to be the only one suffering. I really can't tell anymore.

I tried suggesting that we all participate in an actual activity, instead of just sitting around the apartment talking... but again, Daisy's schedule will not allow it--everything is closed by the time she becomes available.

I could always drive back to my hometown and spend a few nights with my family, just to get a break from all of this. Maybe the distance would help? I don't know. I just know that I cannot deal with Daisy tonight--especially when she'll be coming over tomorrow and Thursday as well.

Another option would be to simply go to sleep when she comes over. If they're loud, I'll ask them to leave. I don't think I care anymore if he does anything. I'm simply too annoyed to deal with her--and him--at all. Plus, I actually care about the fact that I work in the morning.

The last few updates may have been slightly dodgy in their grammar and such, and I apologize. I'm just so angry and upset, I'm beginning to lose it completely. I'm off to work though, so hopefully that can calm me down for the rest of the day.

Thanks again, everyone. I'll check back in later when I get off work.

Hey, I find that to be a good idea to go see your family. Maybe they can take your mind off it. I can see how this is making you go nuts. He doesn't sound very fair at all. I hope you are able to clear your mind at work. I'll be checking back at your updates!

I agree with what is being said on this feed.. yet I also disagree... I don't think that your boyfriend should be spending all this time with his female friend... 3 or 4 times a week is a little much... and he should respect your feelings. I think you need to sit and look at your boyfriends actions and the relationship all together. If you are the one he wants to be with and the one he's in love with, then your feelings should be most important to him and should come first. He should understand how you feel and cut back a little with the time spent with the other women... I have a ton of guy friends and I feel it just not right to hang out with them constantly when I have a boyfriend.. especially one on one... That's just how I feel.. and yes everyone is different. But if you can't deal with someone that does this and that does not care how you feel about it, then you need to find someone else.

Time to let him, and Daisey go.

Disappear from his life, and forget the camping trip.

It's a big red flag when a partner puts another's needs before yours.
Its an even bigger red flag when he knows how you feel, and does nothing about it.
It's a bigger, bigger red flag when he knows how you feel, and ignores it.

That's where your at now.

Thank you for all of your insights again. I really haven't the faintest idea how I would be coping without all of you right now. Thank you.

I returned from work a little over an hour ago, and attempted to initiate one last discussion with Charlie over Daisy's impending visit. I told him, very plainly, that it disrespects not only my feelings, but our relationship, when he puts Daisy and her needs first. I asked him, once more, to explain why he cannot compromise and acquire a few boundaries--for instance, not having Daisy in the apartment for so many hours at such an inconvenient time of night--and for Daisy to know these boundaries as well. He told me I was being horrifically selfish. I then reminded him that he could see her on his own, whenever he pleases--but that I wanted time alone with him, too. And with the next few days being his only time off from work for the week, I find it very peculiar that he would rather spend it with Daisy than me.

I made the mistake of comparing him to other blokes. I told him that I felt a decent human being would recognize my insecurities and not see his female friend as much, to spare my feelings. His response?

"Yeah? How many of those sorts of guys do you know who actually care about their girlfriends?"
"Erm... I don't believe I understand what you're asking."
"The guys you keep comparing me to, the ones who you claim wouldn't spend time with their female friends as much as they normally would just to appease their girlfriends--they're only doing it because they're attracted to those friends. They probably would go and sleep with them whenever they hung out with them. I'm not like that. I have nothing to hide when I want to get together with Daisy alone. But no man I know would say that they would ditch their friends--they have an ulterior motive--and it's the fact that they WANT to sleep with those friends, and it's why they're willing to give them up."

I was completely baffled by that, having been reduced to the capability of responding in stutters. It made absolutely no sense to me.

He changed the subject and said he had to take a shower and get ready for when Daisy arrives.

I'm just at an absolute loss as to what any of this means, and how I ought to proceed. The consensus seems to be one of the following:

A) Accept his friendship with Daisy and grant him the freedom to do as he pleases, so long as he does not neglect our relationship.

B) Realize that he may never change, and this is what I would have to look forward to if I were to remain in a relationship with him. The outcome for this option would invariably be breaking up.

I don't know. But I was not able to make plans with any of my friends for tonight, so I'll either have to endure Daisy's presence, or tell him to take his plans elsewhere. I'm leaning toward the latter, even though it makes me want to explode.

As always, all insight and opinions are very welcome. Thank you all again.

Honestly, he says that.. but truly he's the one being selfish.. not you. All you're asking for is a little more you and him time and a little less you him and Daisy time. You're really strong. I have to say that again. I already would be raising heck and have been out. You have such good patience which is extremely good in a relationship, but not if he's not willing to see how awesome you are.. Which you are. I hope he has lots of fun with this little Daisy person. I bet she isn't half the woman you are. You should go party. Do anything to take your mind off this for now. You need a good stress reliever.

Thank you so much for what you said, Kara. I certainly do not feel particularly strong--as I am attempting to fight off a wave of nausea right now, while I'm waiting for Charlie to return from buying groceries. I hate that I'm allowing someone else to make me feel so ill, both physically and emotionally. I'm so stressed.

And I bet, without a shadow of a doubt, that he will come back with Daisy. He probably called her to meet him there at the store. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

And, as the capriciousness of fate would have it, none of my friends are available tonight. I suppose I could always just drive to my family's, still. It wouldn't be too late. Hmm. I think I will do that, so as to avoid vomiting in front of both Charlie and Daisy.

I hate this situation, nearly as much as I hate him at the moment. I can't help but wonder why I'm still here, when he is very much aware of my physical state--and I know, without a doubt, that the majority of guys out there would cancel whatever plans they had if their girlfriends looked as frazzled and ill as I do presently. Charlie just isn't one of those guys, apparently. I wish I would have found this out sooner.

Anyway, thank you again for the quick response, Kara! If I decide, for whatever reason, not to drive to my family's, I'll probably wind up right back on here once Daisy arrives.

I hope you are all enjoying your evenings/days/nights--depending on what time zone you may be occupying. And, as always, thank you for the advice and support! It's really aiding me in this, so I greatly appreciate it, everyone.

I think a visit with your family would be a great idea. Maybe have someone give you a massage as they are always comforting, or maybe heading to a gym for some exercise. Eat some chocolate if you have any. It makes you feel better. I just really hope this goes over okay. I have never read a board I have been able to relate to more than this one. That Daisy and boy make me fume a little to even. I just hope whatever happens, makes you happy. I know you're going to win through this. You're a smart girl.

I think the fact he told Daisy how you felt about her when you told him to keep it to himself says it all. He's emotionally cheating on you with this woman which in some respects is worse than a physical cheating because there's something actually behind it other than sex. Its sick what he's doing to you. I have friends who are girls but I see them for a drink once a month maybe just to catch up. I'd end it for your own good. Your health is suffering which is just not on. Open your eyes and realise you deserve a hell of a lot more than this.

I can't imagine even trying that with any of my female friends. I'd be sleeping on their porch... naked, after she burned my clothes.

This person wants to be with Daisy - who talks about the past and complains about present problems - let him be with her. Gee, it'll be such fun won't it! Not. Leave him to her - they deserve each other.

He is playing a power game with you to see how much bad treatment you'll put up with. How much more will you put up with? Ask yourself if this is the sort of person you want to make a life with... Why?

I's ask you to give some thought to the belief that the people we attract into our lives reflect back to us our own issues. Why do you attract guys who cheat? You may have difficulty trusting people (for whatever reason) and this is being played out in your relationships.

In any case, you are allowing yourself to be treated badly. He's a ****head. You don't have to put up with it. Make a choice to leave and make a choice to have healthy relationships by doing some work on yourself. You'll be healthier and happier, I have no doubt.

From an outsider looking in, the whole situation seems a bit confusing. What I know for sure is, Jealousy is never a good thing and Ultimatums backfire.
My boyfriend has more female friends than male friends. Many of his ex-girlfriends still call, and I am annoyed when it seems like they want to go out with him. I usually leave it up to my boyfriend to either say NO, or to include me on these "dates." He explains that "dates" with these women would be like hanging out with his buddies in a sports bar, and I believe him.

I would like to know what your boyfriend's story is about Daisy. Could you be friends with this woman?

You really are going too easy on him. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. He thought he really cared about you and would do something to make you feel better. But there hasn't been any progress. What is it that you love about him?

It seems like all he does is neglect your existence. Wants to spend time with this other girl. Complain that you don't appreciate his friends. How do you put up with that?

I hate to say this, but having given my opinion earlier on in this thread - when all we knew was that he was spending waaay too much time with Daisy - I believe that you have a decision.

You have told him your issues. You have put up with the inconvenience. You have shown him how it hurts you and makes you uncomfortable. AND, you've tried to be her friend.

He refuses to change.

Therefore, you have the choice. The ball is in your court.

You need to decide if you can put up with this for the rest of your life. He won't change. Obviously - he has made it very clear that it's "your problem"...

Can you love this man forever, knowing that he doesn't respect you?

I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. No woman deserves to be treated like this. Some men can balance the love of their lives and other girl friends. That's OK. They put a proper balance to relationships. It CAN be done. But this guy is NOT succeeding in the whole "balanced relationships" area.

You're being given a look into your future... it's up to you if you want what you see.

Best of luck. We're all here for you! :)

Charlie just isn't one of those guys, apparently. I wish I would have found this out sooner.


You are finding out NOW, which is a lot better than later.

I would suggest distancing yourself and getting used to the idea of being without him.

I'm wondering if you were not in the picture, would Daisy be with your boyfriend so much. Sounds like she is enjoying this situation. If he was a "free man", I wonder if she would make a move. I'm guessing the allure would be gone.

You're definitely not happy in this situation. Who could blame you? You've done all you could.

I agree with the statement that the ball is in your court. You need to make a move, change your situation for the better, even if it means moving on without him. Make yourself happy, because he is making you miserable.

You are strong. You can do this.

Thank you everyone for all of your swift replies. The past two days have been dreadful, and I so appreciate coming on here to read your encouraging thoughts and suggestions.

I am going to be very brief with what has been happening, as I am exhausted from dealing with it all.

Two nights ago, when Daisy canceled on Charlie--something that has never happened. She told him that she was simply too tired, and then ceased to respond to him--which, again, is something that never takes place. Charlie was, to say the least, very upset. He went to bed early. And, as usual, once I joined him, I attempted to initiate physical contact--only to be rejected and denied for the thousandth time, and told that if I want to have sex every night, that I need to find another guy.

I left to sleep on the couch.

Yesterday went slightly better. We actually spent time together, as Daisy was not responding to Charlie's texts of, "I'm also free today, so you can come over."

With Daisy not responding, we decided to rent movies for the night. It was nearing eight o'clock now, and suddenly, while we were ambulating around the video store, Daisy sent him a text.

"Yeah, okay."

Her way of stating that she was coming over.

I held my tongue, and continued on searching for movies--when Charlie suddenly disappeared to the corner with the Wii games. Odd, considering we do not own a Wii.

He then beckoned for me to join him, and once I did, he informed me that he wanted to rent a Wii and a few games for the next two nights. Naturally, my mind went to the fact that he was doing it for Daisy. But I agreed, nevertheless.

We went back to our apartment and played games for two hours--as Daisy had not specified what time she'd be coming (which I found to be exceedingly rude, but Charlie simply defended her).

It was almost eleven, and we still had not heard from her.

I couldn't focus on any of the games we were playing, my mind was too wrapped up around this girl and this awful situation--and my stomach felt terrible with nerves.

Finally, I set my controller down and turned to Charlie, telling him that I had to leave. That I couldn't be here while she was, but that I only had three things to ask of him to accommodate the fact that I was the one doing all of the compromising. He consented.

The three things were as follows:
1. He was to kindly tell Daisy that bringing her boyfriend along with her would make the situation easier on me--as a three-person outing inevitably ends with someone--mostly myself--being left out. He promised he would ask her this.
2. He was not to engage in any sort of "food fight" with her, as I spend hours daily ensuring that our home is spotless. Typically, when she comes over, they will eat all of the junk that Charlie has purchased for her behalf, and also proceed in throwing it at each other, thus creating a giant mess for me to deal with. He promised he would keep the place clean.
3. I wanted her out by six in the morning. He promised he would do that.

And then, I left. I drove around, stopped by a friend's, and then parked by a nearby beach. I couldn't stop thinking about what they were doing. I couldn't stop thinking about how I had just left them alone in our apartment. None of this was normal. I was growing more and more livid by the second, that Charlie was putting her feelings and his own before mine. It was almost three. I had left them alone for four hours.

Angrily, I drove back.

This, as it turns out, was a mistake.

I went back to the apartment and ran up the three flights of stairs, and practically burst through the door of our home.

They looked over in surprise, but Daisy was the only one who actually acknowledged my presence--Charlie quickly looked back at the TV--they were playing Wii.

I quickly took the situation in, before heading to the kitchen. Charlie was sitting on the floor, in front of the couch, and Daisy was right next to him. They were sharing a very large bowl of popcorn and there were pieces scattered on the floor beside them in every direction.

Clearly, he had violated the second stipulation.

I was fuming. I then went back to the living room and asked him if I could speak to him for a moment in private. He sighed and got up to follow me to the bedroom.

I asked if he had discussed the issue of bringing her boyfriend from now on. He said he hadn't, and that he wasn't going to--as it would probably result in her not wanting to come over anymore. My rage increased tenfold.

"I asked THREE things of you. You've made a mess of our living room, despite promising that you would behave like a civilized adult for once in your existence, and that you would talk to her about how the pair of you together are making me absolutely miserable by not being willing to compromise."

I have no doubt that Daisy heard everything I said.

Charlie snapped. "You need to get over this right now. I'm not going to ask my friend to leave, because it would hurt her feelings. I'm DONE discussing this. If you ever yell at me over her again, I'll just hang out with her alone."

Fuming, I muttered an incoherent slew of curses, before storming to my dresser. He asked what I was doing, and I told him that I was going to sleep, as it was nearly four in the morning. I grabbed my pajamas and brushed past him and out the door. Daisy saw me, and I didn't say a word to her as I made my way to the bathroom to change and get ready for bed.

Charlie went back to Daisy to resume their game. I could hear his suddenly animated voice, now that he was talking with her again. I quickly finished what I was doing and went back into the bedroom.

Fifteen minutes later, I heard Daisy saying she was going to leave. Suddenly exhausted, was her excuse. But I know she left because of me. Charlie was aware of it, too. I heard him say, "You don't have to leave because of her."

Her. Her. Interesting. I'm so thrilled that I've been reduced to that.

After Daisy departed, Charlie launched into a lecture, telling me that his friendship with Daisy is normal--that he shouldn't have to change the way he is to make me feel better--and that I need to get over my feelings. I told him I was done talking about it and I went to sleep on the couch for the second night in a row.

Here's what I need most at this present time:

Girls, is this behavior acceptable? Would you tolerate it in your boyfriends? Or would you expect them to compromise, so you would not be in so much turmoil and pain?

Guys, would you ever do this to a person you claimed to love? A person you've said you wanted to marry and make your life partner? Would you compromise in a way that isn't strictly black and white--that if your partner had an issue with your friend, you wouldn't simply tell her to accept it, or allow you to spend time with that friend alone?

It's time for me to make a decision, and hopefully with your opinions on this latest development, I'll be able to see the choice I need to make more clearly.

I am deeply apologetic if this latest update is lacking in coherency, but I'm just in such a nervous and agitated state at the moment.

Replies and insights are welcome, as always. And I so do appreciate everything everyone's been saying thus far. Thank you so much.

Nope. I wouldn't tolerate it.

I'm surprised you stayed. I thought you was going to say that when you went to your dresser (to get your pajamas), you were going to say, "I'm leaving. Have fun with your "friend.""

You don't deserve this. Period.

Girlfriend, stand up for yourself. We're all here supporting you - leave the jerk.

It hurts, it's scary to think of what next, and it royally blows when you think of moving out, but it's SO worth it.

I totally agree with HistorianChick.

This situation is NOT normal.

The only way it would be normal is if, one, your boyfriend was understanding and considerate of your feelings and, two, the four of you got together, meaning Daisy's boyfriend by her side. OR your boyfriend and Daisy could talk on the phone or meet at a restaurant once in a while.

He clearly puts her first, even before his own needs--like sleep.
Not normal.

I would never put up with this. I wouldn't expect my boyfriend to put up with me doing this to him either. I wouldn't respect him, if he did.

That's one of the problems here. Your boyfriend doesn't respect you. You're letting him get away with it. He has made it quite clear he is DONE discussing it. He doesn't care how you feel. It's time to go.

Food fights in the living room and you clean it up? Are you kidding me? You sound more like their den mother. He sounds very immature.

Among other things, he doesn't even care that you aren't able to get a good night's sleep in your OWN home! Did he even ask or seem to care where you were in the middle of the night? What if you didn't return, would he have been concerned about you at all?

I, too, thought you were going on to say that you were getting your things to leave. I know it may be scary, but you would feel empowered, independent. You and he would have your own space and then go from there.

Then he can sit at home and play with his Wii all alone, while he waits for his friend to show up whenever she pleases.

Something just happened, and I think I'm going to leave him.

I was just talking to him about how it would make my life much easier if Daisy could bring her boyfriend with her from now on--a compromise, on my end--and he yelled at me.

He said that by asking her to do that, she'll remove herself from his life. She won't be his friend any longer. He can't live without her, and he said that if she were to do that, he would leave me.

He would leave me, if Daisy came to the conclusion, ON HER OWN, that she didn't want to interfere in her our relationship anymore.

I can't take this anymore. It isn't right.

I'm so sorry, hon.

We're here... we'll help you pick up the pieces and start a brand new, exciting, amazing, unpredictable new life...

I'm so sorry, hon.

We're here... we'll help you pick up the pieces and start a brand new, exciting, amazing, unpredictable new life....

So true, starting over, though rough, is very rewarding.

Your boyfriend shares a bond with Daisy that he should be sharing with you. As long as Daisy in is his head and, I'm sorry to say, heart, you will not be able to share the intimate, healthy relationship you desire with him.

I do have a theory: I think he's a coward. He may be wanting to end the relationship with you, but can't, and waiting for you to do it. Give him what he wants--all the time in the world to be available for Daisy.

We will be here for you. Be strong and take some action.

Don't take that crap. He should be apologizing for himself and her behaivor not apologizing to her for your behaivor. He has no idea how great he's got it... or maybe had it. He's a moron for letting such a patient and loving girl get away. You deserve so much better. HC was right on. I would have been packing a bag and taking a bunch of stuff and left, taking a snack of theirs and a soda on the way out.

While sprinkling some crumbs on the way out. "Oops so sorry. Aw well. I'll let you clean that."

I have such a difficult time picturing this guy's behavior. It's not even something you would see in a movie. He treats his friend, who already has a boyfriend, like a queen, but he treats his girlfriend like a slave who has to clean up after him.

You shouldn't be forced to suffer like this anymore. I'm sorry to say, but you are too good for this guy. You sound like a really nice person and you should definitely find a guy who can respect you.

You did your end, you tried a very reasonable compromise and he couldn't. In a way, he lied to you by pretending that he will adhere to the compromise but he never had the intention of doing so.

It's really time to break up with him and move on.

I applaud your trying, and am sorry they are wasted on this boob, you deserve better.

No I am not sorry for your loss, because you should be celebrating taking out the garbage and cleaning the trash from your life.

Something just happened, and I think I'm going to leave him.

I was just talking to him about how it would make my life much easier if Daisy could bring her boyfriend with her from now on--a compromise, on my end--and he yelled at me.

He said that by asking her to do that, she'll remove herself from his life. She won't be his friend any longer. He can't live without her, and he said that if she were to do that, he would leave me.

He would leave me, if Daisy came to the conclusion, ON HER OWN, that she didn't want to interfere in her our relationship anymore.

I can't take this anymore. It isn't right.

This is probably the most simple reply I've ever made. Its so obvious this guy doesn't deserve a girl like you. You are clinging onto left over popcorn scattered on your floor? That's sadly how degrading this relationship has become. Get him out of your life like right now. No more discussion is needed just do it and get on with being happy and surrounding yourself with worthwhile people. ;)

Something just happened, and I think I'm going to leave him.

I was just talking to him about how it would make my life much easier if Daisy could bring her boyfriend with her from now on--a compromise, on my end--and he yelled at me.

He said that by asking her to do that, she'll remove herself from his life. She won't be his friend any longer. He can't live without her, and he said that if she were to do that, he would leave me.

He would leave me, if Daisy came to the conclusion, ON HER OWN, that she didn't want to interfere in her our relationship anymore.

I can't take this anymore. It isn't right.

It certainly isn't right! No more compromise, you've already compromised yourself enough. This situation is wrong, wrong, wrong in all ways. Your life will never be easy with this person, because he has no consideration for you. Daisy is just a symptom. You must know that you deserve better. Be strong, take your things and leave - better still, ask him to leave... he can stay with Daisy and her boyfriend! Sweet revenge.

Sorry if I'm being blunt but you need to confront him. You can't sit by and let your "boyfriend" just tell you that what he's doing is fine. You need to take action and either leave him or fix it because it is totally up to you! I'm in a serious relationship to and when I'm going to go hang out with my friends that are "off the opposite sex", I always tell my girlfriend and I always make sure that she's OK with it and if she's not I just make up some retarded excuse to the person that I was supposed to hang out with! Plus if I am hanging out with some of my friends there is mostley somebody else with us and were never out till really late anyway. I know you can get through this and I'm totally sure that it will all work out and it will get better.

Just hang in there!

"He said that by asking her to do that, she'll remove herself from his life. She won't be his friend any longer. He can't live without her, and he said that if she were to do that, he would leave me.

He would leave me, if Daisy came to the conclusion, ON HER OWN, that she didn't want to interfere in her our relationship anymore."


My heart goes out to you... I have many close guy friends & a lot are married or have g/fs. I'am particularly close with one. And I WOULD NEVER EVERRR spend that much time with him.

My opinion is that he carries more then "friendship" feelings for her. Running out to buy things for her when she's coming over? Renting a wii for HER? Telling his OWN GF that he would LEAVE you if SHE left him!! Why do you want to be 2nd in your own reltionship?

I LOOOVE LOVE my friends but I would NEVER treat them better then my OWN PARTNER. That is definitely a red flag. He might be your 1st love but you absolutely need to let him go for your own sake and self worth. Don't let him continue to make you feel the way you do.

There is a BETTER guy out there for you who will love just YOU & want to just spend time with YOU. Do you really want to stay with a guy who puts someone else before you? Move out asap. Go back home or do whatever you can to just get away from this guy to show him how much he hurt you & how much he took you for granted. This daisy female is no where near as sweet as you sound for trying to at least make this all work out. He will definitely find out the hard way.

Please keep us posted I wish you the best because if you do choose to leave him then it will be hard but the best thing you could do right now.

Thank you all so much for your replies. You have all been so helpful during this horrible situation. I appreciate it so much.

Yesterday, after that final conversation concerning Daisy was over, I decided that I wasn't going to spend another second allowing her or Charlie to hurt me. In my mind and heart, it was done.

Love is not supposed to be this painful. It's not supposed to hurt. Love ought to make a person better--happier. Not miserable and almost suicidal.

Yesterday was a wake up call.

I stopped trying. I stopped caring. The moment that conversation was over, I changed. I decided to ignore him.

And, you know what? It didn't hurt me to do so. It wasn't nearly as upsetting as I imagined it would be--ignoring this person I thought I loved so much. It was shockingly easy. For an hour or so after that conversation took place, Charlie busied himself with playing Wii... but then, it seemed to occur to him that I wasn't in the room. He found me in the bedroom, reading a book, and asked if I was planning on joining him.

"I'm reading, actually."
"Is that a no, then?"
"It is."

Puzzled, he went back to his game. But a half an hour later, he came back.

"Is something up?" he asked. I laughed despite myself--he suddenly cared if something was the matter?

"Nothing I can't rectify on my own," I replied. He stared, blinking, confused. I returned to my book, but he didn't budge.

"Rora, why are you upset?"

I didn't take my eyes off the page as I replied, "I'm not upset." I was, however, wondering if he was bipolar by suddenly showing that my emotional state mattered.

He left again to finish his game. A few moments later, I heard my phone ring from the living room--where he was located. I walked out there, without so much as glancing in his direction, to answer it. Looking at the caller ID, it was a male friend of mine from high school. Suddenly feeling very vindictive, I answered with more enthusiasm than I normally would have, and placed a heavy emphasis on my caller's name upon saying hello.

I heard Charlie's character (he was playing Mario Kart) fall off the edge of a race track. Something Charlie would be very skilled at avoiding, normally. I wondered if I struck a nerve.

My friend, as it turns out, was home from college for the summer, and wanted to catch up. Suddenly, I didn't have to feign my enthusiasm. I was genuinely excited, and asked him when he wanted to get together.

At this point, I saw Charlie pause his game.

My friend asked if I would be available Saturday, and I told him I would be. We chatted for a few more minutes, before ending the conversation with overly gleeful exchanges of, "I'm looking forward to catching up."

Setting my phone down, I looked at Charlie. He was smiling. I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Why are you smiling?"
"I know what you're trying to do."
"What am I trying to do?"
"You probably orchestrated that. To prove a point or something. To get me to be jealous. But I've told you, time and again, that I don't care who you hang out with, because I actually trust you."
"Oh. Contrary to what you may think, not everything is actually about you. I didn't plan that phone call, but if you want to tell yourself I did, go ahead."

At which point, I left to resume my book. Charlie got up to follow me.

"You know, I actually am capable of reading a book on my own. I don't need your assistance for it, so you can stop following me in here."
"What has gotten into you? What is your problem? Does this have to do with Daisy?"
"I don't want you to die from the sheer surprise of it, but not everything is about Daisy. Not all of my emotions are a result of her existence, but if it makes you feel better to chock it up to mere jealousy and feminine insanity, go ahead."
"This isn't you. What's gotten into you?"
"Actually, if you took the time to fully pay attention to me, you would know by now that this IS me. This IS my personality."
"No, this is your personality when you're infuriated with someone."
"Hm. Well, since you know me so well, that must be it. I think I'm going to go for a drive."

He just stared.

"A... drive? Where?"

I liked playing this game. HIS game.

"Oh, I don't know. Around. Somewhere."

His brows furrowed together.

"When will you be home?"

"Few hours, maybe. Whenever I get bored, I suppose."

He huffed.

"I thought you wanted to hang out together today."

I feigned a thoughtful expression.

"What did you have in mind to do?"

He gestured to the system he had rented for two nights.

"Oh. That. Hm. Tempting, but I'm not in the mood. Knock yourself out, though."

And with that, I left for the day. I got together with my best friend, commiserated over our relationship issues, and had our nails done.

Charlie called three times.

It appalled me, the fact that I had to behave like him in order to garner his attention. In order for him to show that my feelings and existence mattered.

It was the final nail in the coffin, some may say. I knew I was going to leave him, the only question was when and how I would approach it.

When I returned to the apartment, he was waiting for me in the living room--an annoyed expression on his face. Looking around, it appeared as though he had cleaned.

I set my purse down and moved to sit beside him.

"I called you." He spat.

"I'm sorry I didn't call back. I was tied up." I lifted my hands up to show my newly adorned nails to illustrate what I meant. His expression softened slightly--which caused my chest to ache--the first time it had since the conversation about Daisy that morning. Quickly, I glanced at the Wii and reached for a wheel.

"I thought you weren't in the mood to play that..." His tone was very annoyed.

"I wasn't earlier, but now I am." I gestured to the second wheel, a silent way of inviting him to join me. He took it, and we began Mario Kart.

He was beginning to get into the game, laughing and joking. I smiled, but for a very different reason.

On the last lap of the race, I spoke.

"I'm leaving you."

He dropped his wheel.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm leaving you. I'm taking my things and I am leaving. This isn't working for either of us. You must know that. You can't honestly be happy in this situation--we're always fighting, and I can't do it anymore. I'm leaving."

We sat for a brief moment in stunned silence, before he finally spoke.

"Wonderful. Have a fantastic life." His tone seethed with sarcasm, and he stormed out of the room. I had to wonder why he was reacting so badly to it--he couldn't have been expecting me to remain with him while he behaved so terribly, could he?

I don't know. And, quite frankly, I don't care.

Yes, he was my first love. My first everything. But he doesn't have to be the last, and I don't have to suffer anymore. I think I may be in a state of shock at the moment, not fully grasping what I've done. I know it will probably hit me soon--and hard. I will miss him terribly, and I will always be sensitive toward him and his memory, but... enough is enough. I might not be the greatest person on the planet, but I am worth more than this. Every person is worth more than this.

You all have given me the strength to do this. I may not have handled it in the most mature fashion, but it is over, and I never would have been able to do it if it weren't for your insights. I suppose I fooled myself into believing that it was normal, that he could somehow love me, despite putting another person before me.

I might not be able to respond for a few days, as I'm not entirely sure where I'm going at the moment... most likely back home with my family for the time being. But I want to thank you all again, and I will continue to give you all updates. I know I'll probably be in need of emotional aid once it fully hits me that he's no longer in my life, as twisted as that may be.

Thank you so much.

Holy balls! Good job! That's pretty awsome how you did it!

Did he really think you would stay with him after he said to your face he would leave you if his friendship ended with daisy and how it would kill him! Wow he's something else. Funny how he tried sooo hard not to hurt daisys feelings and when you told him YOU were leaving him, he didn't seem to really stop you. You are WAAAAAY better off without him.

Well done I'm so pleased for you! Go on enjoy your life and know you deserve nothing but the best. Coming out on top after all that hurt and pain shows just what a great person you are.

Plain and simple it's a matter of respect. We are raised that relationships are between two people not three and the fact that he is seeing her at your home in the middle of the night and is occupied with her during the day shows his relationship is with daisy. Friends don't do what they are doing and there's no excuse to make it o.k.If you stay you will soon be alone and regret not been strong enough to walk away.What he does to you is not what people do when they truly love there mate.

Where is this heroine?