I am 53 married and in love with a 30 years old straight guy for the last 12 years. He loves me a great deal. We have sex regularly. In the beginning he was a little awkward but now he is passionate. There is one problem though. He is attracted to girls. In the past he never used to date girls as it would have hurt me. He begged me to let him have a girl on the side but I never agreed. Now he has got married. Not that he loves her. But he has passionate sex with her. Tells me everything about his time spent with her. Even shows me his sex videos with her. More over we still continue to have passionate sex. We truly still love each other. The problem is my jealousy. I find it difficult to see him having sex with her. I know he will be heart broken if I leave him. But this is torture. Yet, at this age, to give up the best thing that ever happened to me? What should I do?

You are both married. He's bi, and you are watching videos of him making love with his wife. Hmmm...

Does she know? What made him get married? Do you expect that both your wives will enjoy the videos with you? Do your wives matter?

Sounds like you are headed for the rocks, one way or another. Get your head out of your genitals and think out the trajectory of this relationship.

Hi,
I guess you missed the fact that when we fell in love he was only 18 and I 40. If being passionate with me makes him BI, yes he is. Otherwise he has never shown interest in a same sex act. Then 12 years of commitment is a long time. We both know that we cannot live without each other. We have vowed to be together till the last day of our lives. The question here is that should I allow him this act of straight sex on the side, with his wife, without feeling bad ( He literally begs me to ) or as you say think about the trajectory of our relationship? BTW both wives do not know and accept us as friends.

Hi,
I guess you missed the fact that when we fell in love he was only 18 and I 40. If being passionate with me makes him BI, yes he is. Otherwise he has never shown interest in a same sex act. Then 12 years of commitment is a long time. We both know that we cannot live without each other. We have vowed to be together till the last day of our lives. The question here is that should I allow him this act of straight sex on the side, with his wife, without feeling bad ( He literally begs me to ) or as you say think about the trajectory of our relationship? BTW both wives do not know and accept us as friends.


No, the question here is should you divorce your wives and show them the respect they deserve.
Should you feel bad about him sleeping with his wife? No, you should feel bad about him cheating on his wife with you.
I don't care if you two met each other before you met your wives, if they do not know about it and don't consent to it, it is cheating and to be honest a damn low act.

Heck the new liberal thoughts today, you all move in together, no worst than what you are doing today.

So you have a secret lover, and your both lying, and cheating, on wives who have no clue your both living on the down low.

I find it amusing your jealous of him, doing the same thing your doing. I also find it very disturbing you expect him to act any different than you have taught him is acceptable.

You may not want to hear this, but what's good for the goose, is good for the gander. Get over yourself, and rethink your lying cheating ways, that are totally selfish.

Imagine for a moment, what your wives, friends, colleagues, and most important, your children will go through when they find out about you. Eventually, they will find out and suffer for your acts.

Yes, you and he have an intimate bond that satisfies you. But your deceit and betrayal have got to twist you up inside. You call this love? Worshiping your orgasm at the high probability of causing suffering in people close to you is not love.

Let him have a chance with his wife. Deprive yourself of this pleasure for the sake of the people you will hurt when your relationship comes out. Or, come out together, reveal your homosexuality, and make a life with each other without making the people who love you pay for it.

Hey I'm sorry to tell you that u are thinking in a selfish way... and you don't love him that much because if you do love him u would be happy to him because he is happy.. it must not hurt you because he has feelings of love towards you too.. and for your jealousy part, as I said, if u truly and deeply believe that u love him and care for him u would understand his position, and put in mind " Where there is a will,there is a way".

I can't believe this.

You're both married, how about working on that relationship, that commitment?

You have no right to be jealous that he's sleeping with his wife, that's his WIFE! You're just the lover on the side, you get what you get when you get it, like it or lump it. You have no rights to this man, he's married, as are you!

Why are you living this way? If both of you are in love then end your marriages to these poor clueless women and be together. It's really a no brainer!

What you are doing is not fair to the women you both decided to marry. If you're gay, then be in a gay relationship, no more hiding it from everyone and hurting everyone.

Cheating is cheating, and that's what you're doing. That makes you a cheater, the lowest of the low.

This is all on you, no one else. Only you can fix this.

Thanks for all the advice. I have been called a cheat, selfish and low. Dear friends, the point you all are not aware of is that we come from a society where we marry as per the wishes of our parents. Have kids and start loving them. Then do not want to divorce for the sake of our children,our personal suffering not withstanding. Is it wrong to get love on the side? All of you are concentrating on the sex part. What about our love for each other. He lives in my out house. I have an excellent relationship with his wife and family and vice versa. My wife knows that I am a bi and am emotionally bonded to this person. She is not happy but does not object as this bond makes me happy. Admitted that she is unaware of the sex and unaware of the fact that both of us exchanged vows and secretly married a few years ago. And friends all of you are missing the question. All I am asking is that should I let him enjoy on the side with his wife, as he is straight, without feeling bad about it. I never asked for sermons on morality or vice versa. We are committed to making our individual marriages work as also our mutual bonding. We are committed never to come out as this will hurt the very people we love. This might surprise you but I do love my wife and family. I also love his wife in a platonic way and will do nothing to hurt her. All we are doing is trying to get our share of love and happiness under the radar while keeping our loved ones happy. Hope you will understand now as to why he married. To keep everyone happy even at the cost of our unhappiness. Still if you guys feel that we are cheap and selfish then I am sorry you are advising without going deep into the crux of the matter and the mutual warmth and love floating all around amongst our two families.

Thanx for all the advice. I have been called a cheat, selfish and low. Dear friends, the point you all are not aware of is that we come from a society where we marry as per the wishes of our parents. Have kids and start loving them. Then do not want to divorce for the sake of our children,our personal suffering not withstanding. Is it wrong to get love on the side? All of you are concentrating on the sex part. What about our love for each other. He lives in my out house. I have an excellent relationship with his wife and family and vice versa. My wife knows that I am a bi and am emotionally bonded to this person. She is not happy but does not object as this bond makes me happy. Admitted that she is unaware of the sex and unaware of the fact that both of us exchanged vows and secretly married a few years ago. And friends all of you are missing the question. All I am asking is that should I let him enjoy on the side with his wife, as he is straight, without feeling bad about it. I never asked for sermons on morality or vice versa. We are commited to making our individual marriages work as also our mutual bonding. We are committed never to come out as this will hurt the very people we love. This might surprise you but I do love my wife and family. I also love his wife in a platonic way and will do nothing to hurt her. All we are doing is trying to get our share of love and happiness under the radar while keeping our loved ones happy. Hope you will understand now as to why he married. To keep everyone happy even at the cost of our unhappiness. Still if you guys feel that we are cheap and selfish then I am sorry you are advising without going deep into the crux of the matter and the mutual warmth and love floating all around amongst our two families.

Your cultural background is no excuse for cheating.The bottom line is he is not going to sacrifice anything for you so you should accept that and move on.There is no future for the two of you together.

All I am asking is that should I let him enjoy on the side with his wife, as he is straight, without feeling bad about it.


Yes. If your love is as you profess, and you expect love to float around your families, then you will have a better result is you feel only generosity toward him.



Still if you guys feel that we are cheap and selfish then I am sorry you are advising without going deep into the crux of the matter and the mutual warmth and love floating all around amongst our two families.

My advice is this: If you are deceiving your families, you will most likely be found out, and when you are found out, people who love you will be deeply hurt. If you have a secret marriage with him and it is the true one, I don't know how you can manage yourself without getting twisted around your deceptions.

In earlier posts, you said that he was busily screwing his wife. Your question was should you "allow him" to have sex with his wife without feeling bad? If your position is not that generous about them having love floating all around their house, how do you convince yourself that your magnanimity is genuine?

Thanks for the consideration. I am not generous or magnanimous. He is screwing his wife because he got married last month and he was a almost a virgin at the time of his marriage. The only time he had sex with any girl was when we were together doing it with a mutual friend many years ago. Naturally he is all excited. If I am aware of his sexual activity I am able to digest it better. I do not know why. Believe you me I genuine want him to enjoy sex with his wife. It is just that it hurts to share him. But yes I know I have to accept this part of him. I feel like very low when he begs for me to understand that in spite of the fact that he loves me and is sexually attracted to me his straight side attracts him to the opposite sex. He pleads with me to understand and promises not to touch his wife if I do not agree. I am in a dilemma. I love him too much to deny him his pleasure. Moreover what is stopping him from cheating on me? He even says, "if I want I can cheat on you and you will never know but I love you too much to do that." Hence my difficulty is how to agree to his request without hurting. Honest to GOD I do want his happiness. PLEASE DO UNDERSTAND ME.

Well... if you really want this absurd behavior to continue tell you wives
I'm sure they would be more than happy to let you to continue to have sex... oh wait... this is earth, not sex-planet-9


And yes I completely understand you when you say you want his happiness.
Which is why you should have no further contact with him, it is the only way to ensure he lives out a happy life.

Or you could be together forever, you just have to both leave your wives to do so.

Still if you guys feel that we are cheap and selfish then I am sorry you are advising without going deep into the crux of the matter and the mutual warmth and love floating all around amongst our two families.
That's seems to be everyone's problem here, we cannot get past the relationship that is built on lies and deceit, for whatever the reason, but since you have chosen it, and it has grown way out of proportion, and engulfed many others lives, it's a façade of real love, as it would destroy you all if the facts are known. Your jealousy is founded in that deceit and is but a consequence of your own actions.

In other words, get over your feelings in the regard to your married lovers choices or get gone, as you have no standing for complaint of his actions, or how he conducts his own affairs.

I'm sure he can find someone who is less demanding to cheat with.

I think both of your guys are SICK , you should left your wife(I feel sorry for her) and your lover,then isolate yourself and THINK what is rigth and what is wrong ,where we coming from,who we are and what are we doing here .

we are sick!! I should not bother how he conducts his life!! Well, A relationship is a relationship and it is here to stay albeit secretly. We have given each other the right on each others lives. Hence the so called inteference in his life. And why do you advise us to tell our wives? All we will achieve is to make them unhappy without gaining more than what we already have. Sorry friends, I am a medical professional myself and I find your advice totally out of tune with the ground reality and based mostly on your fixed moralistic values. To be able to render the proper advice you must identify with us and feel what we feel. I do not see any one benefitting from the heartless advice being rendered here. I am the one who is seeking advice not my wife. And please do not feel sorry for my wife. She is very happy in her oblivion. Please reserve yourself proclaimed riteous behaviour for some one else. Even GOD says not to sayeth the truth that hurts. And you want me to tell my wife! Thanks but no thanks. Kindly consider this thread closed.

What makes you different than any other cheater, in the world? Can you explain that to me so I can understand, and empathize?

What makes you different than any other cheater, in the world? Can you explain that to me so I can understand, and empathize??

Empathise with me for what? I refuse to join issue with you about me being a cheat or not. Even if I am the biggest cheat in the world you should advise me for my problem rather than admonishing me for something that drives me. I shall be grateful if you could explain to me why my cheating has become an impediment to you analysing my need and suggesting a solution for it. You are trying to cure the disease by killing the patient. Please do not do this. Concentrate on my issue rather than your mental blocks regarding the morality of the issue at hand. If all doctors started telling off patients who drink and get liver failure, we will have a bigproblem.

I just can't believe you guys are answering on this thread lol... This is complete stupidity... This guy needs therapy!

Empathise with me for what? I refuse to join issue with you about me being a cheat or not. Even if I am the biggest cheat in the world you should advise me for my problem rather than admonishing me for something that drives me. I shall be grateful if you could explain to me why my cheating has become an impediment to you analysing my need and suggesting a solution for it. You are trying to cure the disease by killing the patient. Please do not do this. Concentrate on my issue rather than your mental blocks regarding the morality of the issue at hand. If all doctors started telling off patients who drink and get liver failure, we will have a bigproblem.

You seem to think that there is a solution to your problem that doesn't involve being straight forward with your wife, the women you made a life long commitment to.

What do you want to hear? Do you want us to tell you that what you're doing is okay? How can we do that?

Yes, your wife is oblivious, which is why she's happy, or as happy as she can be without a husband who is completely committed to her.

Your lover is also married, and it sounds like he's actually trying to make this marriage work, but you keep standing in his way.

This sounds like a very dominating relationship to me. You've been together for a long time, started seeing each other when he was still a young man, in need of guidance. You made yourself his whole life, and now that he's starting to find his own way, you're trying to keep him for yourself, you don't want to share, you won't let him go. This is selfish, like it or not!

I have no problems with homosexual relationships, I have many gay friends. What I have a problem with is the lies, the cheating and the fact that you will not let this poor guy even attempt to make his marriage (which was his choice) work.

If you really love him as much as you say you do, then let him go!

There, honest enough for you?

The problem is my jealousy.
How can YOU be jealous when he is doing what your doing, having sex with his wife? You are having sex with yours are you not?

I find it difficult to see him having sex with her
Don't look! That simple.

I know he will be heart broken if I leave him. But this is torture.
He lives with you I thought, so where are you leaving to?

Yet, at this age, to give up the best thing that ever happened to me? What should I do?
That's your choice to make, so what's more important, your feelings or his, or better yet, who pays the rent.

Even if I am the biggest cheat in the world you should advise me for my problem rather than admonishing me for something that drives me.
Yeah right, just overlook the bad behavior when it's a factor into seeing you for what you really are and that's at the heart of your problem. Reality, you're a cheater who is jealous of your partners, partner, and you have a partner. DUH!

I shall be grateful if you could explain to me why my cheating has become an impediment to you analysing my need and suggesting a solution for it
It hasn't, but you're the one who can't see that your cheating is very much a big part of the problem. If you weren't lying cheating and decieving, you wouldn't be jealous and possesive of your lovers making love to his wife. How much clearer do you need that to be. You're the problem, not him!!

You seem to think that there is a solution to your problem that doesn't involve being straight forward with your wife, the women you made a life long commitment to.

What do you want to hear? Do you want us to tell you that what you're doing is okay? How can we do that?

Yes, your wife is oblivious, which is why she's happy, or as happy as she can be without a husband who is completely committed to her.

Your lover is also married, and it sounds like he's actually trying to make this marriage work, but you keep standing in his way.

This sounds like a very dominating relationship to me. You've been together for a long time, started seeing eachother when he was still a young man, in need of guidance. You made yourself his whole life, and now that he's starting to find his own way, you're trying to keep him for yourself, you don't want to share, you won't let him go. This is selfish, like it or not!


I have no problems with homosexual relationships, I have many gay friends. What I have a problem with is the lies, the cheating and the fact that you will not let this poor guy even attempt to make his marriage (which was his choice) work.

If you really love him as much as you say you do, then let him go!

There, honest enough for you?


OK! OK! But how do I let him go? We have discussed this issue so many times. I have advisd him that it is better for everyone that we end the sexual part in our relationship but he refuses. Do I physically go away from him? It is not that he is trying to make his life and I am being an impediment. I have offered him freedom from my "dominating relationship" but he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He has told his wife how much he loves me. Even to the extent that I am the number one in his life. She is OK with it. I have told my wife about my feelings for him and that I cannot live without him. YES WE DID NOT TELL THEM ABOUT THE SEX. I am not holding on to him. I will be happy if he wants to make a separate life for himself but it should come from him. It should be something that he wants not something I force on him.

I have advisd him that it is better for everyone that we end the sexual part in our relationship but he refuses.

Do you not have a say in this? If he tells you he's going to castrate you do you just let him because he refuses to take no for an answer? See where I'm going with this?


I have offered him freedom from my "dominating relationship" but he wants to spend the rest of his life with me

Then why the hell did he get married? This doesn't make any sense.


I will be happy if he wants to make a separate life for himself but it should come from him. It should be something that he wants not something I force on him.

What do you want? Do you want to continue the way you're going? Do you want to continue cheating on the woman you made a commitment to? Do you want him to keep cheating too? What do you want?

Until you figure this out, there's nothing we can do. The ball is in your court. You can decide to continue this warped relationship, or you can walk away, even if he says no.

The problem is, you really don't want to let him go. You are trying to hold on to him, expect him to be yours and only yours. You're jealous of his wife, the woman he married, made a commitment to, is planning on spending his life with.

You're a thorn in his marriage. As long as you stand by and let this continue, you are accountable for everything.

It takes two to make a relationship work. It only takes one to walk away.

It's time to walk away!

Don't try putting this whole decision on him. You have as much say as he does, don't you?

Shifting the blame now, is not solving the problem at all. Its just an excuse for you not to make a decision, and take action yourself.

Come on guy, a 50 year old should know better. Be honest with yourself, if your not going to be honest with us.

Hey!
Well reading all the answers and evrything... I don't feel you are wrong... love is something that comes from the inner self and you have no control on it. I respect your passion... n simply advise you to continue with your life...
Don't be jealous with anything... the fortunate thing for you is that you have your lover wclose to you.. so be happy... don't think about anything else... There's nothing wrong with what you are doing... and don't feel envious.. reading your notes,it comes to my mind that your love is really faaithful to you and in any case he won't go away.. so just keep on loving hm and be happy!!

I am not holding on to him. I will be happy if he wants to make a separate life for himself but it should come from him. It should be something that he wants not something I force on him.

Geez , I've just read this whole thing and what a mess.

Your just making excuses for yourself , if you really thought it was the right thing to do you would just DO IT!!

Don't make it out to be his decision.

Don't try putting this whole decision on him. You have as much say as he does, don't you??

Shifting the blame now, is not solving the problem at all. Its just an excuse for you not to make a decision, and take action yourself.

Come on guy, a 50 year old should know better. Be honest with yourself, if your not going to be honest with us.

Please do not say that I am not honest with you. You guys are the only ones who know about all his. I have bared my soul to all of you. Even HE does not know about this. These are my inner most thoughts. Respect them. I am not shifting the blame. Yes I am 50 yrs and can take a decision. But what does anyone gain out of all this but unhappiness, heart break? Yes I am committed to my wife in every way. My only fault is that I fell in love with some one else along the way and never realised when I committed to him as well. From what I gather from you guys is that I should give up one love and commitment and stick to the other one. Right? BUT WHY can I not have both... pleeeease?

You seem to think that there is a solution to your problem that doesn't involve being straight forward with your wife, the women you made a life long commitment to.

Do you even care or know what my problem is?

What do you want to hear? Do you want us to tell you that what you're doing is okay? How can we do that?

When did I request a judgement on me?

Yes, your wife is oblivious, which is why she's happy, or as happy as she can be without a husband who is completely committed to her.

There you are right. I am sure there must be something missing that she could sense but not put herfinger on

Your lover is also married, and it sounds like he's actually trying to make this marriage work, but you keep standing in his way.

Yes he is trying to make our relationship work. He married so that every one stays happy. Had he not married it would look odd. Remember he is 30 now and in our culture boys marry at 23-25

This sounds like a very dominating relationship to me. You've been together for a long time, started seeing eachother when he was still a young man, in need of guidance. You made yourself his whole life, and now that he's starting to find his own way, you're trying to keep him for yourself, you don't want to share, you won't let him go. This is selfish, like it or not!

Do you honestly feel that he would be wanting to go away at 30. Had he wanted to go away he would have done it a few years earlier. We truly are madly in love

I have no problems with homosexual relationships, I have many gay friends. What I have a problem with is the lies, the cheating and the fact that you will not let this poor guy even attempt to make his marriage (which was his choice) work.

Think you have forgotten that it was I who got him married. I chose the girl and mind you I have stakes in his marriage working. If I am jealous I do not tell him about it in so many words. He just knows it and talks to me about it. Remember love bestows upon you that extra sensory perception. Specially about your soul mate. Yes that is what we are. Soul Mates

If you really love him as much as you say you do, then let him go!

SORRY I cannot send him away at the cost of his happiness. Yes I can let him go if he so desires. and please do not sit in judgement on love. Love is God. Do not judge God.

There, honest enough for you?
Well you tried.

Hey!!
Well reading all the answers n evrything....I don't feel u r wrong...love is something that comes from the inner self n you have no control on it. I respect ur passion...n simply advise you to continue with your life...
Don't be jealous with anything...the fortunate thing for you is that you have your lover wclose to you..so be happy...don't think about anything else...There's nothing wrong with what you are doing... and don't feel envious..reading your notes,it comes to my mind that ur love is really faaithful to you n in any case he won't go away..so just keep on loving hm n be happy!!!!!!!

Thank you JOX.

Cheating is a big fault, and it hurts, and its selfish. You may not be able to stop the feelings you have for another, but you darn well could control them, and stay within the bounds of good behavior. You have crossed that line. When I say be honest with yourself, that means stop trying to justify what your doing, as being the right thing for you. For sure if you were honest with your wife in every way, she would be crushed, and so would your entire family. That has been my whole point through out this whole thread, your web of deceit has put your whole way of life in danger. That's the truth of the matter.

I also find it amazing how you expect others to be so sensitive to you, and understanding, but you are not, when it comes to the ones closest to you.

You've been given some very good advice, and still you ask for more.

I really don't know what you want. I think it's confirmation, approval, and we can't give that to you.

You asked if you could have both your wife and your lover. The answer is no. Stop being so greedy, so selfish and pick one!

You're 53 years old and you're acting like a spoiled child. It's all "I want, I need, I have to have". It's time to grow up, be an adult and make adult choices in your life.

Somewhere along the way you decided that you aren't like everyone else, that you can everything you want regardless of the consequences. Well, now the consequences have come to bite you in the butt and it's time to suffer the choices you made and continue to make.

I don't think there's anything more we can do to help you. Everything we say falls on deaf ears anyway. You don't want advice, you want the okay.

I suggest counselling. Maybe hearing someone say it to your face will make it sink in.

Good luck.

You've been given some very good advice, and still you ask for more.

I really don't know what you want. I think it's confirmation, approval, and we can't give that to you.

You asked if you could have both your wife and your lover. The answer is no. Stop being so greedy, so selfish and pick one!

You're 53 years old and you're acting like a spoiled child. It's all "I want, I need, I have to have". It's time to grow up, be an adult and make adult choices in your life.

Somewhere along the way you decided that you aren't like everyone else, that you can everything you want regardless of the consequences. Well, now the consequences have come to bite you in the butt and it's time to suffer the choices you made and continue to make.

I don't think there's anything more we can do to help you. Everything we say falls on deaf ears anyway. You don't want advice, you want the okay.

I suggest counselling. Maybe hearing someone say it to your face will make it sink in.

Good luck.

Thanks for some very good advice.

No it is not falling on deaf ears. It has me thinking hard.

Today I have discussed these responses with my lover and he was wild with me for having discussed this with you guys.

I never wanted approval for my deeds.

All I was seeking was advice on how to control my jealousy towards his wife. I had expected you to tell me that since my lover has been so honest and sincere with me I should reciprocate by not feeling bad. You see when I feel bad it is not only I who hurt but HE who hurts at seeing me hurt. Then he gets upset with the whole situation and blames himself for being straight. What you have given me instead is the advice that the best way to overcome my discomfiture is to give it up altogether. That advice I think is not right.

My lover has always requested me to put our story into print. After reading all your advice I might just do that (with different names). Maybe I can make millions. Ha ha

Thank you all. I have made my decision based on all these posts and my circumstances.

BUT WHY can I not have both... pleeeease?

I'd like to express my last thought about this. Lightly, you originally wanted a way out of the "torture" you were experiencing because he was having hot, video-taped sex with his wife, a wife who you claim you chose for him and whose intimate secrets he shares with you. You got a lot of advice about the larger situation, the families, right and wrong, betrayal, etc. and that didn't please you. Nor did it answer your question.


The problem is my jealousy.

Reading the entire thread, it becomes obvious that what you really want is to keep controlling this situation and manipulating everyone in it. It's your property, your choreography, your way of experiencing love. It's not your nature to be selfless, but you want to give him something that is hard for you to give:Autonomy. That leaves you alone in bed, presuming you don't sleep with your wife, and that is impossible because you love him so much.

As hard as it is, if you truly do love him, let him go. Let him have a life that is straightforward, without deception and betrayal, and within his own control. As long as you control him, he can never be whole and you will be torn. By freeing him, genuinely letting him out from under your control, you can find the place in yourself that feels right. A completely generous act like that can liberate the both of you.

Hang onto the current situation and, while you might get more sex with him, you will eventually be found out. Everyone will lose.

Reading the entire thread, it becomes obvious that what you really want is to keep controlling this situation and manipulating everyone in it. It's your property, your choreography, your way of experiencing love. It's not your nature to be selfless, but you want to give him something that is hard for you to give:Autonomy. That leaves you alone in bed, presuming you don't sleep with your wife, and that is impossible because you love him so much.




As hard as it is, if you truly do love him, let him go. Let him have a life that is straightforward, without deception and betrayal, and within his own control. As long as you control him, he can never be whole and you will be torn. By freeing him, genuinely letting him out from under your control, you can find the place in yourself that feels right. A completely generous act like that can liberate the both of you.

Yes! I think you have judged it right. May be subconciously I do wanna keep controling him and the situation. Thankyou all for showing me my true self. I promise to work towards doing what is right. I will keep your advice in mind. You guys have done a great job. Thankyou all...............

Yes! I think you have judged it right. May be subconciously I do want to keep controlling him and the situation. Thank you all for showing me my true self. I promise to work towards doing what is right. I will keep your advice in mind. You guys have done a great job. Thank you all...

Keep us posted, we'd like to know how things work out for you.

Good luck to you. :)

so you have a secret lover, and your both lying, and cheating, on wives who have no clue your both living on the down low.

I find it amusing your jealous of him, doing the same thing your doing. I also find it very disturbing you expect him to act any different than you have taught him is acceptable.

You may not want to hear this, but whats good for the goose, is good for the gander. Get over yourself, and rethink your lying cheating ways, that are totally selfish.

Amen!!

If you posted this question to get a sympathy vote my friend you are kindly mislead... Marriage is suppose to be the strongest bond given to two people... It is love the strongest of all and if you do not LOVE your wives then you should not be married... But from your younger lover it seems as if he might actually be in love with his wife. You my friend need to get your mind on track and open your eyes and see what you are doing... not only to your lover but to your wife as well.

So wait you are married to a woman? And have a gay partner? And he is married to another woman? You need to clarify.

What surprises me is that you have deluded yourself into thinking this is OK... no matter how much you guys love each other it is wrong to cheat period. Do you know or even care that you may destroy your wives. You are both selfish. And for the comment about making parents happy that is a cop-out how about growing some and telling them that you want your gay flag to fly you know... at some point in your life you need to make yourselves happy and not make your wives miserable tell them and then let them move on and be happy and then you can also move on and be happy.