Well, I just lost two of my best friends in a fight... and I'm kind of, bisexual and liked one of them... she was my best friend and she kind of liked me back. She said a few days ago that I was her best friend but she needs a break from me and she don't know if she's going to come back. I've talked to my best friend and she's been begging me to try harder and stay alive. I don't know how much longer I can stay strong... I don't want to be here that much... and I want to get back in touch with God so much... but I feel like there's no way. The devil took over me and know I'm alone and I need an escape.

This is in the death or dying section. Did your best friend get into a knife fight, gun fight? Are they dying? Are you wanting to die?

I hope your okay. If you really want to connect with God here is a number that will help you to do that:

1-888-Need-Him

Keep us posted- tell us more so that we can also help you.

Sarah

There was no gun fight or knife fight... its me... I don't want to kill myself or anything... I've thought of it a few times... but I'm to afraid and I just... need my escape.

What kind of escape and from what?

School? Friends? Boys? Or just everything?

Sarah

Everything.

How old are you? Have you tried talking to your parents about this?

What is bothering you?

I'm here to help.

Sarah

I'm 13, I'm way to afraid to talk to my parents, they never understand me... and its bugging me that I lost my best friend, the only one who understood me completely... she just walked away from me... and it hurt so bad.

Hey now... 13 is way to young to be thinking like this, and average age of a person is at least 65-80 isk exactly but look how long you have ahead of you.. you have to have a lot more friends the one(s) you lost if they are your friends they are your comfort they will do the best they can to help you threw your heartbreak... and you guys will become better friends... life is a winding road, some times we tend to slip off the path a little but no matter what it isn't impossible to get back on that road, you just need to take your time and do it carefully
~hope this helped at least a little~

I have some phone numbers you can call if it makes it easier for you to talk on the telephone.

Canada:
1-800-668-6868

USA:
1-800-448-4663
OR
1-800-785-8111

They are completely confidential, there are no recordings and you can ask to speak with a female or male councilor if you want to.

I know 13 is a tough age, hey I was there too. Your parents may be just as understanding or even more- they are your parents.

Why did you and your friend fight?

Sarah

Well, we didn't exactly fight... she just moved on... she said there's bigger and better things ahead of her... and that shed be better off... and I had to let her go.. I couldn't see her suffer being my friend... even if her leaving makes me suffer... its better then her suffering... I need her more than she realized though.

That doesn't sound like a good friend. A friend wants to BRING you to those BIGGER and BETTER things NOT leave you behind.

Please call those numbers if you feel lonely. I will be back here tomorrow after work.

Please be safe, I'm here for support,

Sarah

Thank you so much, don't forget about me ? And she is an amazing person... but I ruined her life, as well as mine.

Omg sorry when you said you lost them in a fight I thought that you meant that you phisicaly lost them as in death... I am sorry my bad

Its okay... I reread what I wrote.. and it did kind of sound like that.

Hey, I'm at work right now just checking up on how your doing. Hope your OK.

Why do you think you ruined your friend's life?

Sarah

I don't exactly know. I asked her if I did, and she said that I didn't completely... she said she's been going through allot and she thinks it just be better for her if I wasn't in her life because she said that she thinks the majority of what has happened to her was my fault... but I honestly don't know how.

What is it that happened? Did you experiment with drugs, steal? Where there any rumors? What sort of negative things were in your friendship?

The more I know the more I can help you :)

Sarah

Well... like... cutting myself... and um, we were both sort of bisexual... but only liked two people each... we liked each other, and then like, that changed after we told each other... and I think that had a major effect and I asked her and she said that it had nothing to do with that.

Did you guys try stuff together?

Perhaps the whole liking each other and being bisexual is very new to her and she's a little afraid of stepping into that territory. As her friend, I do believe you should back off a little and let her figure things out.

As for you, cutting- Why? Besides your friend-- why are you sad, depressed or angry about? Have you told your parents? Did you call the numbers I gave you? Self harm is never the answer.

I'm here to understand and help you,
Sarah

No no, I stopped, that was a while back, and the bisexual thing was new to both of us... and like... we were kind of long distance friends... and I do understand that she needs a little space... but I need to know what I did, its killing me!

Oh well thank god hunny that cutting is in your past- I was getting worried.

She's probably scared of these feelings. Some people don't want to admit homosexual feelings to even themselves- sometimes it takes years for them to "come out". Be there to support her at a distance.

Sarah

I was, she said she had something to tell me but she wasn't ready, so I told her to tell me when she was ready, and when she was ready she told me and she said that I was the only one who understood that completely... and a day latter, I told her that I think I was too... and she said that she hoped I was because itd be easier to talk... then a day latter... she left me.

She is just confused darlin'. Like I said many people react differently to that situation.

I know losing a friend is tough- but I am sure she will realize that you are a good friend and she'll contact you in the future.

Sarah

I honestly don't think I can wait... she was my BEST friend. Everything I've been through, she's been through... she understood EVERYTHING! And she's though only one who understood completley... I NEED her in my life... so badly.

The only way to do that is to wait. If you keep insisting she will only push you away. Be patient my dear.

If you really want to talk to her try it a less invasive way. An email. Write to her and tell her that you miss her and your there for her whenever she needs you, give her your phone number [in case she forgets] and just wait for a reply.

Sarah

I have... and I asked her if she was going to come back and I told her that I need her and she said shell think about it... but like... I don't know how much longer I can wait... I need her... I never took the time to realize that I had an almost perfect life before she left... and now I realize it and I can't do anything but cry now... she hurt me.

Well first thing is first- you need to learn to let go a little. You are starting to sound quite clingy. I had a clingy friend before, and soon enough I shook her off like a dirty dog.

It is hard to find a friend that knows you inside out but it's also hard to be with a friend who just has to have you.

You need to start doing things on your own now. Go volunteer, become a big sister to a little girl who'll look up to you ; Big Brothers Big Sisters - Share a Little Magic! (http://www.bbbsc.ca) , get a part time job, socialize, just anything to get you going and busy.

Sarah

I cant... have a job... I tutor a little girl... kids arnt exactly my kind... I'm not clingy to her... I just, love her... she was a part of me... and like, we live four states away its hard to be clingly... just no one understands that she like... was my life... she woke me up every morning to talk and we talked for hours everyday... and she just became my other half almost.

Ah, I'm getting most of the picture now.

Well beaut all I can say is that you need to give her time and space, if you can't do that than I believe it is a sign of clingy behavior. You might have gotten used to her calling you every morning and it got routine and you got comfortable with that. I understand.

Now it's time to focus on you. She wants to be left alone and as her friend you need to respect her wishes.

Sarah

I know that. I'm giving it to her. But if she doesn't come back... I don't think I can live...

I couldn't spread the "love" after already giving it to you so soon here, Sarah. But, great job you're doing here!

I'm not trying to crash this thread, because mudweiser and you seem to be having a really good, informative and caring time here.

But, I'm wondering, theresbeautyinu, since you asked your original question about escaping, what you like to do for fun and recreation?

Thanks!

Uhm... what do you mean?

How do you like to express the way that you might be feeling about something or anything.

This might be in writing, music or arts of various kinds...

I don't know... different ways...

Do you like to write poetry or lyrics to songs?

I write poetry...

Would you be interested in writing a song? I can show you how to do that as well as show you how it might be set to music that you can actually hear!

i know that. im giving it to her. but if she dosnt come back... i dont think i can live...

YES YOU CAN! Yes you can! Yes you can!

If you live for someone, you'll never live yourself!

Clough is right--write!

You need to find away to get those endorphins up and running! Unless your job is a 16 hour job, and very demanding I can see why you don't have "time". However, you can always do simple little things, like writing more poetry or songs, walking to and from work [I do this now, It is a 30 minute walk but let me tell you it's worth it: I get a great start to my morning and no matter how cruddy my day was I walk home, hear the birds, see some flowers, and see the world as my playground]. Be open to new experiences Beaut!

Life is wonderful if you just step out of that box.

Sarah

I've tried... no matter what I do though... I can't ever stop looking at the bad side of everything... I write as much as I can... but I have track everyday and I tutor my dads friends daughter... and like... school and everything... its just getting harder..

If you live for someone, you'll never live yourself!

You know what? That was a great statement, Sarah! Kudos to you! :)

Oh Beaut. Your just getting a taste of life's obstacles. I know it's hard- hey no one has it easy. Even the rich and famous complain how hard it is.

AMHD is here for support and guidance- you just need to keep that head up, and grit your teeth when it gets tough.

Life gives you obstacles so you'll get the rewards.

Sarah

I'm 13... I want to be a kid... I want to have fun, I don't want to wake up unhappy and miserable... I understand that what happens is life... but why does it have to be like this?

If life was easy we'd be easy. It's hard so we can be stronger, smarter and help the ones whom are down.

At 13 my life was pretty cruddy too. I've had my ups and downs, and I'm sure Clough can say he's had his.

Live your life and strive to make it a good one. You don't want to leave this world saying "poor pitiful me".

Sarah

I don't think that porely of myself... and um, how are you?

How old are you** that's what I meant.

Yes, I've certainly had my ups and downs in life and I'm still here and fighting and living hard!

I could get on a "pity pot" if I choose to, but I choose not to.

For me, I'm 52. I have two children who are in their upper twenties.

Pity pot?

I did not intend for you to take it to offense. When I said "poor pitiful me" I meant your attitude: so sad and not wanting to move on on your own.

I'm 22, I have a 2 year old, I just got separated with her dad, I'm sure if you dig around and look for my threads you'll see my life ain't so cheery, but somehow I am happy. I do have my moments of sadness but I do recover.

Sarah

"Pity pot" means feeling sorry for yourself and broadcasting it to others.

I didn't take it as an offence... I was just saying... and I'm sorry if I make things harder for you... you do know you don't have to be helping me...

Hey if I didn't want to help people I wouldn't be here kiddo ;)

No worries on my side; it takes a lot for me to get stressed out.

Sarah

So, what about writing a song?

You think I feel sorry for myself?

No I think your just sad that your friend left, your confused and quite lost.

That is how I see it m'dear.

Sarah

Thank you... and as far as writing a song... I don't know... I'm better at poetry.

Your poetry could be turned into a song. But, if you aren't interested in that, I do understand.

Thanks!

Yea, plus I can't sing...

It's just a way to express yourself. You wouldn't need to be able to sing it. Although, I'm sure that you could with the proper training.

Thanks!

Nah... I'm not a singer... I'm better with what I already do.

nah... im not a singer... im better with what i already do.

Okay, then I won't try do that with you...

Thanks!

What do you mean? Are you mad at me?

yea, plus i can't sing...

“Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.”
-Mahatma Gandhi

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.”
-Kurt Vonnegut

“Hope is tomorrow’s veneer over today’s disappointment.”
-Evan Esar

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.”
Edward Everett Hale

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
Helen Keller quotes

“What I am looking for is not "out there", it is in me”
Helen Keller quotes
“What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others.”
Confucius

"Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes."
Confucius

“It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.”
Confucius

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.”
Confucius

"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." ~Andre Gide

“Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.” ~Baba Ram Dass

“Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly.” ~Edward Albee

“You never know what is enough, until you know what is more than enough.” ~William Blake, Proverbs of Hell

“It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.” ~James Thurber

“If I make the lashes dark
And the eyes more bright
And the lips more scarlet,
Or ask if all be right
From mirror after mirror,
No vanity's displayed:
I'm looking for the face I had
Before the world was made.”
~W.B. Yeats

“If I am not pleased with myself, but should wish to be other than I am, why should I think highly of the influences which have made me what I am?” ~John Lancaster Spalding

“If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts, but if he will content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties.” ~Francis Bacon

“Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought.” ~Matsuo Basho
(I find this one interesting as many follow jesus, but how many seek what he sought? )

"The best things in life are worth waiting for.” - Unknown

You say, "you don't want to wake up unhappy" Well provided you are not depressed in terms of mental illness or doing drugs (alcohol is a drug too.), then what is stopping you? Also, do you know what the declaration of independence says about the pursuit of happiness? I suggest you read it, because it's very interesting.

I'm not sure exactly what your situation is, but I hope you learn that nothing you ever do can separate you from GOD, or at least what I've come to realize as GOD. I don't believe in the bible, mind you it does have it's wisedom, but not all of it seems wise to me. What ever you believe, I think GOD is with you, even now.

May Peace and kindness bewith you.

P.S. I've go a lot of experience with waking up and feeling dreadful of the day, I was diagnosed with depression 10 years ago, then 5-7 months ago I was rediagnosed with Bipolar(I was more depressive than manic though.). I know what it means to wake up and not see any reason for being. I found a way to get out of my depression/mania, and so you can.

I know I can... but, for some reason, I'm not letting myself, and I don't know why yet.

Nestorian, what was your way out?

Nestorian, what was your way out?

I would go for long walks, and sing as loud as I felt like. I did this away from people houses. I lived out of town. But in town I still sing to myself as I walk, and I don't care who is listening, because if they don't like it I'm not singing overly loud, and it's not like they can't just buggar off any who. Or I will sit in my room head phones on and belt it out as loud as I can, let my voice compleately die. Then, carry on with regular everyday stuff.

I also do this thing, where while I'm walking I try to stop thinking, as you can not simply tell yourself to stop thinking or you will think more, by focusing on something seemingly insignificant. Like a pebble, or a crack in the pavment, the piece of garbage on the ground/flour, The sound of vehicles engines, the moving parts that I know about working hard to keep the vehicle in motion, the light of the sun washing my face, the sound of the wind/brease, the trees as they sway to the motion of the air, the people blissfully unaware of the beauty of it all. Foolishly refusing to listen to the wisedom of it all.

I understand how dumb that sounds, but, as yuor name implies there is beauty in me and you and all others, this is true for all things. To obtain peace of mind, as this i'm sure is what you are looking for, one must be at peace with mindfulness. Many of us are too busy with what we wear, how we look, what people think of us, how well we are doing in school or work, who our precieved love is, what our future maybe, what we did wrong in the past, and so on. Do any of these things really matter? No i'm not saying to quit school or a job, but that what are you working for if not to take the time to acknowlege the possibility layed before you, now and again?

You say you want to release but you won't sing, why are you putting a rigid requirement on it if you haven't honestly tried to do this before? Don't be afraid of what others may think, let go and alow yourself to release. If you can't let loose, then there is not release. (Alcohol, or any other drugs, including Salvia are not releasing they are imprisoning people. They deteriorate the mind and blind those who cheerish them. So please stay a way from those.) What I'm saying is, find a healthy way to express yourself, that works for you. Only you know yourself well enough to do such things, as it is your life to live. Make some you time, that you do just something you want to do each day for a while, say 20-30minutes at least. Please do let us know how you are doing.

Take care, breath, relax. Don't confuse life altering, school projects due/conflict with friends or family/Job issues/deciding which school you want to go to, with Life threatoning, cancer/AIDS/MS/Car accident/poisoning of some sort.

What do you see when you look in the Mirror?

Peace and kindness be with you.

Hmm... thanks. I live in out of town too, its hard to get out. I am on the track team for school, and I've found that to help out too... it keeps me busy and I've made a couple new friends with it... but like, when I'm at home... I have nothing to do and sad thoughts come into me and then... like my happiness and faith just shuts off...

One major thing to remember, always remember:

Our feelings don't always reflect the truth. They are deceptive, and confusing.

You want to buy a really nice car but can't afford it, but the sales guy says "we'll give you a deal on it!" So they knock it down a bit in price, then you get the financing for it. You become over welmed with bills. Your feelings betray you, be mindful of them but do not act souly upon them.

When I wake up misserable, I fight myself to get up and get out do something anything! The more you use will power the more you have it.

I don't think I know how.

hmm... thanks. i live in out of town too, its hard to get out. i am on the track team for school, and iv found that to help out too... it keeps me busy and iv made a couple new friends with it... but like, when im at home... i have nothing to do and sad thoughts come into me and then... like my happiness and faith just shuts off...

Track team is a good thing, gets you up and pushes those endorphins into the brain. And you've made some friends, that's good to.

It sounds like to me that when you are alone with your thoughts you drift into all the negative stuff eh?

What is your religious beliefs?

The trick is to find things to ocupy the mind with. What kind of activities do you do at home?

What are some hobbies or interests of yours?

I hope you don't mind my asking all this of you.

Yeah... I can't stand being alone!

And I don't go to church anymore... I used to but, we just started going less and less and now not at all... so I'm not really religious.
But I do believe in Heaven and Hell and God and Satan.

yeah... i can't stand being alone!

and i dont go to church anymore... i used to but, we just started going less and less and now not at all... so im not really religious.
but i do believe in Heaven and Hell and God and Satan.

Bummer, I always thought religion was something that was apart of us. BUt I guess not... ;) I don't know what GOD really is, or where heaven/hell are, or if there is a satan. But It makes sense to me that GOD is not souly found in the "Good book", nor a Church. As I understand it, GOD is everything that is and isn't. Just because you are not going to church doesn't have to mean you aren't religious.

Do you still pray? Perhaps this will do you good. Some meditate, use self affrimations, or imagination to make their brains change for the better or worse.

I know you won't magically feel better, but if you can try every day to believe you will. Pray if that helps, I meditate as I feel more at peace just being one with life, rather than asking for something or saying thanks.


So you don't draw, write, paint; what about computer arts? PLaying a musical instrament, doing cool science experiements (I bet you get an amazing site of the stars at night, man I miss that.:( )Dancing? Anything you'd like to work on, that might be interesting to you?

P.S. Yeah, I can't stand beging alone either, but I don't like groups of people.

Not at all, I'm just glad there's someone to talk to... at home, I just listen to music... and I cry allot... and write poetry... but sometimes all I can think about is the things that make me suffer... and I can't ever think about anything else.

I pray when I have a bad day, or when a friends in need, and I do play an instrument to, but my teacher don't really like me and I don't like him so... it makes it harder for me to play.

not at all, im just glad theres somone to talk to... at home, i just listen to music... and i cry allot... and write poetry.... but sometimes all i can think about is the things that make me suffer.... and i can't ever think about anything else.

Self disapline like me perhaps? We have to learn to train our minds to focus. This will sound dumb I'm sure, but put a post-it on your wall or where ever you spend the most time, and write on it something that will force your mind back to a positive. It can be anything, a funny phrase, joke, insperational words so on.

But, it has to tak your mind off those things. Try to listen to happier music too, if you listen to sad music at home, even if you think it's not sad but it has a sad theme to it, change that shizit up.

Also, write a few good things on them and stick them around the house. They can say things like: "My you look good to day." or "take a chance" or "things you like about you." or "something that make you feel good."

I have not got around to do this yet, but I fully intend to. I have a few friends who do this and they are happy a lot more than me.

See you're religious. ;)

Bummer about your teacher, what instrament do you play?

I've tried so many things but after I do all of that... I feel accomplished and everything... then a day or sometimes hours... I fight against the happy feelings... like there's two people inside me... one that likes to see me suffer and the other that strives to see me happy... and no matter what, the one that likes to see me suffer is always more dominate... more controlling.

I play the violin... I love it... but he says I can do better and everything. =\

i play the violin... i love it... but he says i can do better and everything. =\

Do you find this happens during the winter/fall seasons? You sound like something is going on in your head. (No offence, I 'm bipolar and I often felt as you do, only when I was depressed. I was more depressive than manic.) Do you ever get really really big boosts of energy, become talkative, excited, agitated easily, overly aggressive, fell extreamly anxious like you should be some where else?

I'm going to suggest you talk to a Doctor, or counseler. I know you may not like them, niether did I, but I know better now. They are tools that you use to get info for what "maybe" going on. They may help you out and make you feel a lot better. But you do have to give it time, and go through trial and errors. Better to fight for a chance at being at peace than always suffering eh? I did that for 10years before I finnaly worked hard enough on it to get better. You may not even need meds.
But that's just a suggestion.

Violin is hard to play, I like that kind of stuff, but I am trying to learn guitar. I call it my Guitfiddle. Haha.

=) I do experience some of those things... I'm so afraid to talk to other people about it... I feel like... no one will ever understand me completely no matter who I talk to... and I don't want medication or feel like I'm crazy... I just... I'm scared.

And it is worse in the fall/winter seasons... but it stared in the mid late summer of 08.

=) i do experience some of those things... im so afraid to talk to other people about it... i feel like.... no one will ever understand me completely no matter who i talk to... and i dont want medication or feel like im crazy... i just... im scared.

You may be Bipolar too. You are not crazy, your brain actually funtions at an excelerated rate, some times, then it crashes some times. That's how I describe it when people ask me, if it means I'm crazy or hearing things, which if you don't be careful you can halucinate.

If you are Bipolar, your brain chemistry is a little off, whether it's genetic, they figure people with certain traits are more likely to be bipolar but they do not cause it; Or, due to diet, or chamical induced nuero cahnges, it is manageble.

Yes you may have to take medication, but if you work hard at it, you won't be catatonic nor lethargic nor comatos, but rather you will feel "level". I'd use the word normal but its' too hard to define what is normal. Your emotions will settle and stablize on a more even plain. That inture means your brain is not sending chemicals through your neurons, which give us the feelings of Euphoria, love, anger, fear, anxiety, and much more, and leaves us struggling in a sea of madness. One minute we feel very low and like we have simply drowned, or raise us up to the very highest peek of a wave, even rather calm and unconcerned for things going one way or the other way. Apathetic.

Don't be scared of it, it's actually quite harmless once you get some help, yes I mean counselers/Psychiatrists, "that you believe/trust".

If you want I'll give you a bunch of info as I've got quite a lot on it since, I am bipolar then you can at least talk to some one you are comfortable with..?

and it is worse in the fall/winter seasons... but it stared in the mid late summer of 08.

You do feel the mania too right? You get really aggitated, anxious, happy talkative, excited, etc.

And the depressive we know for sure. I asure you you are not crazy, but may just need to be more aware of your feelings. LIke me, I do get a little carried away. :rolleyes:

Sometimes I get the mania, I guess... and I'm really not comfortable talking to people about this... but could you give some information please?

Hey, I didn't have time to read all of the replies so I don't know EXACTLY what is going on. But I am 15 and I've kind of gone through what it sounds like your experiancing.

My best friend of 5 years decided to, well, for lack of a better term, decided to "leave" me also. No doubt this took a big toll on me and I was depressed for a few weeks and I still haven't heard from him in half a year but then I started playing GUITAR. It has been like a drug for me and I never feel alone while I'm playing it. I can't say that this is for everyone because obviously some people just don't want to play, but music has helped me get through a lot of hard times (suspended from school for a year, lost 4 family members within months of each other, drug abuse, etc.)
This is just a suggestion and if it doesn't work for you then at least you gave it a try which means you at least WANT to get better, but if it does work then GREAT :)

I got a new best friend, that was my best friend from the start and I didn't realize it... but now I do... so I think I'm OK letting go of my ex best friend =)

what do you mean? are you mad at me?

One of the instruments that I teach is the violin. And no, I wasn't mad at you.

Thanks!

mmk =) viiolins getting hard! The teacher don't NOT like me!!

What's getting hard about playing the violin, please? Maybe I can help you?

Thanks!

the teacher! He pushes us to hard! And he just discourages me and it makes me play worse! =(

Okay, I could see pushing students to excel. I do that. Somebody's got to light the "flame" under the students. How is it that he discourages you, please?

Thanks!

Because he tells us we're horrible and then he splits us up by who's better and who sucks.

If he actually tells you that some of you are horrible, I don't think that type of wording is appropriate. If this is in a school that has a principal or administrator, I would suggest reporting how he words things to some of you.

Do you want to continue playing the violin?

Thanks!

Yes I do... and I'm going to have this teacher till I graduate.

Have you tried telling the teacher that what he says is hurtful or makes you feel badly?

Thanks!

No, I'm afraid of him

I'm really sorry that you're afraid of him! However, if you let him know how you feel, then things might change.

What's the worst thing that could happen? Please think about that...

Thanks!

I would like to add that, if you would like some words and sentences to use in dealing with confronting him positively, proactively and constructively, I'm sure that we can come up with some ways to do and approach that here.

Thanks!

Well, i just lost two of my best friends in a fight... and im kind of, bisexual and liked one of them... she was my best friend and she kind of liked me back. she said a few days ago that i was her best friend but she needs a break from me and she dont know if shes gonna come back. iv talked to my best friend and shes been begging me to try harder and stay alive. I dont know how much longer i can stay strong... i dont want to be here that much... and i want to get back in touch with God so much... but i feel like theres no way. the devil took over me and know im alone and i need an escape.

Beauty just as your name states there's beauty within you as well god is also within you and he never leaves, the devil is only an illusion and he cannot hurt you unless you let him

I'm not strong enough to push him away.

Hi! I am not bisexual. BUt I suggest keep yourself bz with other things. Get a vacation, go shopping, watch a movie, get a dog, write a poem, pray, go fishing or any hobby at that. But probably getting a dog is better, the pup will help divert your feelings, attention and focus from your best friend to your new found friend. Good luck and god bless :)

I have a dog- and five cats... I'm getting over my friend- but I still love her so much- but I've had happy feelings since she left- and that's a start for me... I think I'm getting through this okay now... thanks for all your help =D

www.thesoundofstars.com - (http://www.thesoundofstars.com)

Search for your higher self through meditation and prayer. Read philisopohical books, and classical books of the great authors.
Yoga, spending time alone to pamper yourself, to read, to write, to have hot baths with bath salts and oils. Have a night to yourself whenever your feeling down. You are your best friend after all.
Take care of yourself. You can't expect to find love from anyone unless you love yourself. How else can you feel confident enough to BE enough for a whole other human being?
Have a bath, relax and stay in your house coat. Curl up and watch a few good movies, eating healthy treats that you like, drink plenty of water.. walnuts are good for depression. Hot herbal teas as well. Eat healthy, organic, avoid meat and dairy for the excessive hormones inside that can effect your mood, just like too much sugar.
Take care of your brain and your emotions will follow.
Spend time in nature, with plants, bugs and animals.. They are the silent knowing ones who can help you realize that in this over stimulating and over complicated world, all you really need is to quiet your mind and realize that you are going to be okay.
If you've heard anything about the world of energy then you would need to know that certain types of music, like classical music from the baroque period as well as ambient egyptian, taoist monk chanting, as well as buddhist monk music can heal you from the inside out and calm your troubled mind.
I hope this helps.
Be gentle with yourself and others.
Take care, love yourself.

Much love to you dear! There really is beauty in you!
<3