I am deployed its our first deployment together and my wife is really lonely and really deprived from sex just like me and she asked me if she could have sex with another man just to take the edge off. I told her no and my reasons are that it would not stop I don't think what is just once going to do other than just do more frustration to the issue. What are some suggestions?

Tell her to buy a vibrator!

Are you kidding me? You're deployed and all she can think of is how she's missing out on sex? Wow, she's a sweetheart!

Marriage is more then just sex, it's commitment too. If she can't even keep her pants on while you're gone fighting for your country, then she needs help.

Good luck and stay safe.

Oh Wow, hunny! How insensitive is she? Wow! Sorry, I think she is asking, because she plans to do it. I can't believe she would even ASK that!
I think I'm in shock!

Make her a present of a collection of sex toys. You can probably order them online to ship to her. Send her a note telling her to use THESE to take the edge off.

Wow. That's very unfair to you. She needs to chill out with a vibrator and remember that she made a VOW to marry you for BETTER or for WORSE (which also means being FAITHFUL to YOU WHILE YOU'RE DEPLOYED!! ) Does she want to stay married to you? Is this her way of asking for a divorce? Wow. Wow. Wow. I don't have words. This is not fair at all - she should be ashamed!! Has she ever been unfaithful to you in the past? This seems disrespectful - maybe she sleeps around a lot...

She can choose from a variety online. Maybe she can invest in porn as well but not cheating.

I can't believe she asked you what she did. Before married did the two of you have a talk regarding what would happen if you get deployed?

She has her fingers and her imagination.

If she can't use THOSE to take the edge off, then she needs more help than an online community can give her.

Save up for a good divorce attorney when you get back.
That would or should be the very last thing she would ask.

It shows a total lack of commitment or faithfulness

I agree with the others. If she can not wait for you she might as well divorce and move on.
By her wanting to be with other guys it sounds like she is not there for you emotionally. Even if she is where would her emotions be while she is messing with other guy(s)?
One word really seems to be missing here
LOVE
In its place
SELF
You deserve much better
Hope she wises up

Wow, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. This is the last thing you need on your mind while you are away from your family fighting for us and our country. I don't have any suggestions to add, I think the suggestions you have pretty much cover it.

I just want to offer my and all of our support. You know you can always come here to vent. I want to think you for what you are doing for our country. You have made a very unselfish choice and you are a true hero. What a sacrifice you have made to be away from your family for the betterment of all of us back here at home.

Thank you for all you do and good luck with this very difficult situation.

Her question... her blatant narcissism is despicable, plain and simple. Once something like this occurs the foundation for love and trust has crumbled.

I know that she will miss you... and she should...

"All for one...one for all" God bless you, be safe and thanks for your service.

Stringer

i am deployed its our first deployment together and my wife is really lonely and really deprived from sex just like me and she asked me if she could have sex with another man just to take the edge off. i told her no and my reasons are that it would not stop i dont think what is just once going to do other than just do more frustration to the issue. what are some suggestions?
I'll tell you I see so much wrong with her question its not even funny.

Tell her to just buy a dildo and pretend... if she won't listen Hide your assets and get any power of attourney she might hold revoked because something else is going on and you need to protect yourself.

People can and do live without sex for very long periods.
Her blatant disregard for you and your position is frankly,totally crass and immensely selfish.
Thank-you for your service and commitment!

Tell her to buy a vibrator!

Are you kidding me? You're deployed and all she can think of is how she's missing out on sex? Wow, she's a sweetheart!

Marriage is more then just sex, it's commitment too. If she can't even keep her pants on while you're gone fighting for your country, then she needs help.

Good luck and stay safe.Love the answer Alty but has to spread the rep

We can't wait to have you home safe and sound, and thxx for you totally unselfish commitment to making this world a better and safer place, my thoughts and prayers are always with our soldiers

Chances are if she's asked she's going to anyway, if she hasn't already.

The entire situation is wrong on so many levels. Not only does she have the indecency to shatter the scared vows and trust of marriage and shows no morals or values, she has the guts to do it while you are putting your life on the line for your country. Marriage is a lot more then just sex and if this is a precursor to how the marriage will continue I have to agree and say save yourself the trouble and get a divorce lawyer now.

How long have you 2 been married?

Kevin

Thank you for your work and your dedication.

Please, don't give in on this.

Its one thing to ask you about this when you are present.

I'm sorry you are in this position. I'm sorry she is missing your presence. But the honest truth is you both need to live up to the vows that you both took.

And I understand she is in a difficult place. So are you. You wouldn't choose to be away from her.

So...

Id advise against giving consent here.

It isn't easy... but marriage... or love... often isn't easy or convenient.

I hope she gets it. I think you do.

And... again... thank you so much for your sacrifice.

She asked you if she could have sex with another man?? Why don't you ask her the same question and see her response. I am not making light of this at all saying that. But come on! If she is asking you this then its possible she already has and she feels guilt and is trying to justify it. Please don't even amuse her with an answer. You deserve so much more then that kind of stupidity.

Please just be safe and come home. Thank you for all that your doing and know that your in our thoughts.

My response to that would be "Sure!", I'll find a nice woman over here as well, oh and when I get back, don't be there, Oh and by the way, the divorce papers are in the mail... "


Holy mackerel..

My response to that would be "Sure!", I'll find a nice woman over here as well, oh and when I get back, don't be there, Oh and by the way, the divorce papers are in the mail...."


Holy mackeral..

Lol N1

Oh, wow. That's low. She's being pretty selfish. Do you have any kids? Maybe you should tell her to get a cat.. she probably needs something to pet... Or maybe you should ask her the same question and find a woman.

See, this is why I have a fear of committed relationships... the woman throwing a burdon like this on you... (not all women, just the ones nice guys date... ), and vice virsa for women dating arse holes etc...

At the end of the day, maybe it was just an off thought, and she didn't think it through... we can all have days where we are feeling extra "playful" and sometimes say things we maybe in fact shouldn't...

If she did mean it, then I think you need to think of the future and not about now, if you stay with her, can you trust her?

I hope it works out for you!

see, this is why I have a fear of commited relationships... the woman throwing a burdon like this on you... (not all women, just the ones nice guys date...), and vice virsa for women dating arse holes etc...

At the end of the day, maybe it was just an off thought, and she didnt think it through... we can all have days where we are feeling extra "playful" and sometimes say things we maybe infact shouldnt...

If she did mean it, then I think you need to think of the future and not about now, if you stay with her, can you trust her?

I hope it works out for you!

Musician don't let this this woman scare you, where not all that bad

Kudos to everyone's posts above, well done! My fear is she might have already have slept with another man and now is looking to alleviate her guilt with asking your permission after the fact. I hope I am wrong!
She should NEVER have put this burden on you over there and causing you grief, I pray you come home safely and soon and like everyone else I can't thank you enough for your heroism in defending our country.
Bill

Kudos to everyone's posts above, well done! My fear is she might have already have slept with another man and now is looking to alleviate her guilt with asking your permission after the fact. I hope I am wrong!
She should NEVER have put this burden on you over there and causing you grief, I pray you come home safely and soon and like everyone else I can't thank you enough for your heroism in defending our country.
Bill

Hmm I never thought of that but you could be right though, I hope she has not:confused: taken the leap to cheat.

see, this is why I have a fear of committed relationships... the woman throwing a burdon like this on you... (not all women, just the ones nice guys date... ), and vice virsa for women dating arse holes etc...

I resent this. I'm a nice woman and I'm married to a nice guy.

Don't lump all women together, that's not at all fair or accurate.

In addition to what others have said, I think it's absolutely disrepectful for her to have asked you that. Not only because you're married but also because you're off fighting for our country (I can't imagine the stress that would put a person through) and now you have to worry about whether she's being faithful. That is just downright insensitive on her part.

I think this is a self centered and confused wife. Get her into see a therapist right away.
You can not handle her issues and deal with wondering will you make it through the day alive. If you have a close family have them spend more time with her she is lonely for more than sex if her desire is a man. Sexual needs can be taken care of without a partner.
If you have a church get her involved. She misses human contact and the attention we all need from others. Any group for support and friendship available access for her to fill the void left by her losing her best friend, you. The sexual desire will take care of itself in the correct way once she has companionship,support,and people to pay attention to her.
She must love you very much to ask for help she is lacking insight to know what she really needs isn't sex it is friendship she is doing the best she can expressing herself even though it came out in an insensitive way. Get her companionship and therapy or a group for wives of men deployed.
Focus on yourself do not worry about what you can not control from so far away. Live in the here and now and take care of you. Hand this over to people at home it is all you can do.

Does she not think you have enough on your mind rather than wondering if she is sleeping around behind your back! I would put my foot down on that one you should say it straight out if you do sleep with anyone while I'm away you better be gone by the time I come home! How dare she even contemplate doing or saying such a nasty and hurtful thing does she think that a marriage is just sex no strings attached? And if your not there to give it to her she has the right to look elsewhere? She needs to bloody grow up if you ask me don't even waste your time trying to answer such a ridiculous and selfish question!. good luck and stay safe

She must love you very much to ask for help

I can't agree with that. Perhaps had she asked, something like "I'm feeling lonely, how can I fix that?" it would be very different but she only seems to care about getting some action. When you are talking about the sanctity of marriage it is not okay to not know that she doesn't need just sex and it is not okay to ask to have an affair. Any marriage based on sex and sex alone is doomed for failure, especially if one of the partners is unscrupulous about it!

Personally if I were married to a military man I would be in bed at night sleepless and terrified that he won't come home, not wondering who else I can put in the bed with me!

Kevin where are you?? We are all assuming this is a long relationship. They could be newly wed's! Lots of people get married in the military just to get more money. They could not even be in love! He didn't even mention that he loved her...

Kevin we need more info. How is your marriage and how long have you two been together and is there any reason why you think she would think it's "ok" to have sex with another man (group sex or 3somes)?

Better yet! Buy her a blow up doll and send it in the mail. She can use that as her other man. Or give her your sign in to this site and let her read these responses. No one is siding with her sellfishness.

No woman that loves a man would ever... and I mean EVER ask that question.

If he's deployed... he likely gave her a durable power of attorny to act on his behalf while he's gone... he should look at having that severely restricted or revoked before she sells everything he own, cleans out the bank account and takes off leaving him nothing but bills.

Sorry if it's a fatilist viewpoint... but I've seen this happen to other service members in the past. The very fact she's wanting to do it puts her under suspicion... and the leap from wanting to do it and actually doing it is tissue paper thin.

No woman that loves a man would ever....and i mean EVER ask that question.

If he's deployed...he likely gave her a durable power of attorny to act on his behalf while he's gone...he should look at having that severely restricted or revoked before she sells everything he own, cleans out the bank account and takes off leaving him nothing but bills.

Sorry if its a fatilist viewpoint...but I've seen this happen to other service members in the past. The very fact she's wanting to do it puts her under suspicion...and the leap from wanting to do it and actually doing it is tissue paper thin.

Yes this is true he should be careful

Speaking of being careful, if you do decide to stay with this woman when you return you need to be careful about having sex with her. If she found some replacement guys for you when you were gone, whether she admits to it, she may have contracted an STD. That not exactly the coming home present I imagine you would fancy.

Being retired military, my best anwer to you is to divorce her when you come home. Only because if you say no to her then she will stilll do it either with him ( who might be your friend) or someone else. You know how it works in the military. Do you want to spend your life wondering if she did it? And live a lie?
Not me. Keep cool about tis situation.

And get rid of her as soon as you r depoyment is over. The last thing you need is additional stress right now.

Sadly this isn't uncommon in military relationships. Back when I was in the service it was pretty common for there to be a "He / She ain't here so I'm not married." policy amongst service members and their spouses. My brother - career Navy man- lost two wives when they became "Deployment Dollies".

All very good and truthful points; I assumed the couple was young since usually young men are fighting for our freedom. The truth is sad that many men marry before they get sent out and women cheat, sell their stuff and do terrible things.

But is seemed so uncaring and naïve to ask your husband to give you permission to cheat that I thought this woman is confused, lonely, missing her husband and may have someone tempting her making her more confused.

If she truly loves him which is at least 50% of the time (50 % of marriages work) then she is asking for help to solve an issue that is overwhelming her but can be solved. If I was going to cheat on a man, I would not call and ask permission. Never! I'd just do it.

If I missed him and didn't know what I was feeling, other than missing his sugar, I'd ask for help from him and perhaps mess it up like she did by not really having a grip on what it is she needs and her asking him permission is saying” I love you, I do not want to hurt you, I am lonely, I have never felt this way before so I am equating it with sex." I see the wife as reaching out to her husband, which one does when they are in love. If she was an uncaring, back stabbing, evil person, she would just have many affairs, run around and not tell him unless she fell for another guy then she'd take everything and divorce him.

Why ask for help? Honey I am losing it!! What can I do?? That is why he needs to get family, church members, other wives in the same situation, etc... Around her for support, to lean on and keep her from being lonely. Because she is confused about her emotions you get her butt into therapy. Then she is in good hands and he can trust on the support of the friends and family he has assigned to assist while he is gone and take care of what is really the most important thing. Staying alive.

He is going to read this drama and warnings, although often true and feel hopeless. She is showing love by opening up and asking for help of her husband. He can count on the fact that she loves him. If she didn't she'd be having sex, answer his phone call while having sex, and lie to him about it. That is how someone not in love acts.

My dad was in the army and retired years ago. My mom made out when he gone for long periods at a time. That's why whenever he did come home she was ran to get rid of us so they could get it on.

I would like to know your wife reaction when you voiced how you felt about this issue.

Do anyone every watch the show "Army Wives"? Some of them did nothing but played around while their husband was gone.

All very good and truthful points; I assumed the couple was young since usually young men are fighting for our freedom. The truth is sad that many men marry before they get sent out and women cheat, sell their stuff and do terrible things.

But is seemed so uncaring and naive to ask your husband to give you permission to cheat that I thought this woman is confused, lonely, missing her husband and may have someone tempting her making her more confused.

If she truly loves him which is at least 50% of the time (50 % of marriages work) then she is asking for help to solve an issue that is overwhelming her but can be solved. If I was going to cheat on a man, I would not call and ask permission. Never! I'd just do it.

If I missed him and didn't know what I was feeling, other than missing his sugar, I'd ask for help from him and perhaps mess it up like she did by not really having a grip on what it is she needs and her asking him permission is saying” I love you, I do not want to hurt you, I am lonely, I have never felt this way before so I am equating it with sex." I see the wife as reaching out to her husband, which one does when they are in love. If she was an uncaring, back stabbing, evil person, she would just have many affairs, run around and not tell him unless she fell for another guy then she'd take everything and divorce him.

Why ask for help? Honey I am loosing it!!! What can I do??? That is why he needs to get family, church members, other wives in the same situation, etc... Around her for support, to lean on and keep her from being lonely. Because she is confused about her emotions you get her butt into therapy. Then she is in good hands and he can trust on the support of the friends and family he has assigned to assist while he is gone and take care of what is really the most important thing. Staying alive.

He is going to read this drama and warnings, although often true and feel hopeless. She is showing love by opening up and asking for help of her husband. He can count on the fact that she loves him. If she didn't she'd be having sex, answer his phone call while having sex, and lie to him about it. That is how someone not in love acts.

I don't agree at all with that... "Honey I love you but I want to sleep with all of your buddies while you are gone " isn't love... thats disrespect, and self centered, and self serving behaviour. He is deployed, possibly in a dangerous area... and her main concern is getting laid.

Wow, the audacity of her to "ask" for permission to cheat on you while your deployed. I've heard some doozies in my life but this one tops all! You mean to tell me that her craving for sex is stronger then her desire to be faithful while you are gone? Sounds to me that she is too immature to be in a marriage where love, trust and faithfulness should be at the forefront.