Okay, so many of you know me already, and I really would like some input here.

I have a friend who I ride to school with every day (100 miles round trip), we carpool.

Well, she can be quite overbearing at times and I have noticed that she is a bit of a control freak. Such as, I CANNOT drive my car because she cannot smoke in it. She drives her car and (there are 3 of us in the carpool) we split the gas bill 3 ways at the end of the month, with the driver paying a little more since she also runs errands.

So, she continually degrades me or teases me, she says she is "joking" and I don't take it to heart, I am a positive person. I just ignore the crap.

Today I drove myself because I had to be there at 7 rather than 7:30 a.m. and I was staying 2 hours longer than the class ran. We were in class and she sits between me and the other gal in our carpool. During class we were given a "group" project and our "driver" really did not want to participate so I asked if we could switch seats so that we would not bother her and I could be part of the group. About 10 minutes later she got all huffy and pissed off, started slinging her stuff around and got up in a huff at the end of the class and left.

I went downstairs to run to my car and my mates were sitting on the steps, but the driver did not look at me or speak to me when I asked a question.

I know what you are going to say, but I got to hear it. Should I call her and ask what is up, or just leave it be?

I'd probably give her a chance to explain. Call her. Hear what she has to say, and take it from there. Maybe she was just having a bad day.

Also, I can understand if a smoker wants to take their car since they can smoke. If it's not a huge burden to the rest of the carpool, than it shouldn't be too big a deal.

I'd talk to her, but - I am not sure I need a friend like that. She has issues.

Oh, Cat, she has more issues than anyone you have ever met on this site or real life.

You "know" me, and so far I have been able to keep out of the issues, and she knows I prefer to do so.

I just sit back and listen to all the yappin', and jaw flappin'. But this is too much, just because I asked to switch seats?

Oh, yeah, she is also 11 years my junior, if that makes any difference whatsoever. I guess I might just have to suck it up and drive myself.

Well it sounds very childish to me. Who needs a friend like that. Wants to act like that. I would ask her if there is anything wrong or the matter and let her respond. If there is not a response then I would leave it alone and move on.

It is too bad that one person having a hissie fit will ruin it for others.

Joe

Janine,

She's not your friend, she's your carpool driver, she's made that clear with her silly action and overbearing attitude. She didn't bother to tell you why she left in a huff, she didn't bother to tell you that you did something to anger her, so, as far as you know, you did nothing wrong. Soooooo, behave that way. Go about life in your merry way, and if she continues to give you the cold shoulder, act as though you don't even notice. Should she blow up at you, simply bat those pretty little eyes and say... "oh, are you upset with me?" Don't let her take up anymore time than she absolutely has to. Driving alone is worth your sanity.

Well, the ball is in "Nancy's" court now. I left a message saying this, basically starting with a group study type message with the 3 of us in the car pool, then went on with:

"I have a feeling I upset you in some way today. I am not sure exactly what I said to set you off, but I really would like to know so that I do not offend you in the future. give me a call so that we can straighten this out."

Now, understand, I did not apologize, cause I see no reason to apologize for something I did not know I did wrong. Also, with gas prices these days, and living on a VERY limited budget (you really have no idea how limited it is), I have to try and make amends somehow, but I refuse to compromise my integrity to do so.

So, the ball is now in her court. What to y'all think?

Ya did good gal, now just sit back and wait.

That is what I was hoping to hear!! Cause that was my plan.

Now, if I do not hear from her this weekend, should I show up for the carpool on Monday and act as though nothing has happened?

Unless she has told you otherwise, assume everything remains the same.

Well, I got an e-mail from her and then I phoned her back. Got the stiuation all worked out. Apparently was a total and complete lack of communication on all parts.

All is well and good now.

not to offend you bu almost sound of the desperate drama queen on the show. Maybe the answer is not try hard = less stress

I am so curious, but at the same time it is your own business. Happy everything is worked out and you can go back to car pooling again? (;

The carpool starts back again on Monday. After an hour long talk we got everything aired out. However, I still don't really know exactly what I said that ticked her off.

She said that she got a little upset with me because I have been quiet and a tine bit snippy towards her. Well, that pert is true and I told her why. When I told her why she became much softer and not quite as on guard. She also became quite helpful and wanted the 3 of us to get together for a study group.

She has always been a bit controlling and very much the drama queen. I on the other had am easy going.

So for now things are fine, and a new line of communication has been opened up.

I want to say thank you to all of my friends. I already knew what you were going to say, just had to hear it.



Comments on this post mysticque: not to offend you bu almost sound of the desperate drama queen on the show. Maybe the answer is not try hard = less stress


First of all, it is hard to offend me, but I am asking that you keep you unfounded accusations a little more on the mild side. You do not know me or what I have been going through recently, as well as the increased stress level due to the particular nursing school I am in. The others who have answered are familiar with me.

They also know, at least most of them do, that I am the exact opposite from a drama queen.

Try not to think about her any more (hopefully less) than she thinks about you, don't add too much fuel to this because honestly, it sounds to me like that's what she wants... she envies you, wants to be like you, and has a low self esteem (at least compared to yours) so try your best to keep your emotions in control and show her that she has no control over you by simply shrugging her antics off like they are no big deal... :D she'll get the hint that you're a strong person and she will eventually feel silly for not being in control of herself like you are...

Great advice!! We have spoken and things are great now!

But I do believe you have something here. She has very low self esteem as she tries not to make very many friends.

We just had a breakdown in communication which happens with many friendships.

It's good to hear all is well... lack of communication sucks... I know it has caused me issues in the past. Take care.

Yes -you did that exact perfect thing.

I have a feeling there is more trouble ahead. I've seen this before. Watch your back. See how the other gals react.

I hope you showed u pfor car pool.

Of course I showed up for carpool. Cat, you should know me by now, LOL!!

Anyway, today went wonderful!! We all laughed, a great deal, and had a wonderful time.

Nursing school at this particular college is VERY stressful. We took our first actual real nursing test today, I got an 89 and she got a 92, the third gal got a 96, and we were all so excited for each other!!

Thanks all for your thoughts, concerns, and advice!!

It's a great uplift to know you have people on your side.

Isn't that what we are all here for anyway!! :D

I am so sorry I was out of the loop this weekend! I wish I was here to respond to your post... glad it worked out! I think you did the right thing, whether she is a friend, acquaintance, or carpool buddy... it is always nice to work it out, or at least be the bigger one and try! :) Have a grewat week carpooling!! :)

Good for you - hopefull yyou cleared the air. Maybe she was under stress as well and hopefully realizes she shouldn't take it out on you.

OH BOY have I been in your shoes, and you handled it perfectly. I would sit and wait and show up Monday like nothing has happened. But doesn't it make it hard to deal with someone like that:eek: You feel like you are walking on egg shells so they do not get mad at you (at least I did). Too bad you couldn't drive yourself, but I also understand a very limited budget!

GOOOOOOOD Luck!

Hello j_9:

You did good. How could anybody who looks like you, not?

excon

UPDATE!!

Well I told the control freak to take a hike. I finally got too tired of the manipulation, control and negativity.

Not only that, but when she stopped by my house on Friday with her 12 year old twins and proceeded to yell at my 4 year old!! Not once, but twice!!

That was the last straw. First, I don't yell at my kids. Second, who is she to yell at my kid. Third, who is she to yell at my kid when she is a guest in my house!!

All ties have been severed, well almost. I have to sit next to her in class, but that is now only 2 days a week. However, all communication is cut.

Well, just had to blow a little steam. Thanks for listening.

Just as well. With friends like that - who needs enemies!

She needed to hit the road--who needs her. :mad:

You DID NOT need her yelling at your kids. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr :mad:

Sounds like she just wants attention.

Yes, attention is exactly what she wants. You should see her in class. Major attention seeking behavior.ever has anything good to say to or about people, but will make copies of a disc that we need for the whole class at no charge. Just made them without people asking if they wanted them, and came to class and passed them out.

I know, no biggie right? Well, if you heard how she really talks about people behind their backs!

Okay, well, a little more steam has blown off! :rolleyes:

Makes you wonder what she says about you when you're not around, huh?

No, doesn't make me wonder. I am pretty sure I know, since she was pretty good saying it to my face too!!

Do you really have to sit next to her? I'm sure you don't want to. Will it affect you in class?

Im glad you give it to her though J_9. I know the type of person your talking about very well and they are infuriating. So horrible to people behind their backs but there best friends to their face. Ooooh that drives me mad!

Yes, Skell I have to sit next to her, actually for a couple of reasons. First the class is full, second.. we are in the front and the teacher is so soft spoken that I cannot hear her if I moved to the back.

It was funny today though. I did not ride with her today... I sent a rather hars e-mail to her last night. Please read on

"Something has been bothering me all night and I feel it is time I get it off
my chest. When we were standing in the hall waiting to do vitals, I was at
the end of the hall out of earshot and you said something to the effect:

Hey, Butthead, then I responded (because what you said did not register
immediately), then you said to the others waiting in the hall:

"See I told you she would answer to anything."

I then asked you what you said and you said:

"I said Hey Butthead, and you answered so I said I told them that you would answer to anything."

Well, apparently you think you are the only one who has feelings that get
hurt. Well, NEWSFLASH, you are not the only person with feelings, I have
them too, and you tend to get satisfaction out of hurting mine.

What you did today was embarrassing and totally humiliating. Not only to me but to you. I know you don't give a what others think of you, but I
care what others think of me.

You may think it is okay to berate and cut down your children like this, but
I for one do not appreciate you treating me like .

I too have feelings. And I am tired of being the bullseye in your target
for your condescending attitude. I really thought we were friends, but
friends do not treat friends like this. Friends are supportive and helpful,
not mean, cruel, and manipulative. Either you do not consider me a friend or
you don't know what the real meaning of the word is.

I feel like you think it is a game to see how many times you can hurt and
make fun of Janine without her getting mad at you. But when you get mad, I have holy hell to pay for it."

End of e-mail. Well, needless to say I drove myself today and when we got in class she sat next to me with her back turned to me. Again it made her look bad cause people asked me what her problem was "this time."

I understand that what she said (I quoted in the e-mail) can sound like a joke to some, but this has been ongoing for several months now.

The way I see it is that she is digging her own grave and actually making me look good.

Well, I am in a new carpool with people who are mentally and emotionally healthy, participate in study groups and really care about one another. I can't wait for the first real study group on Friday!!

Good on J_9. She will get hers. People like her always do.

What an immature piece of work she is too.

I really hope she doesn't get a job doing anything important in the future.

Nut case No.1 there.

Good to see you have some new friends too.

It's good you left her carpool. She needs to be surrounded by knuckleheads who think like she does because she will never comprehend a genuine relationship with trust, integrity and above all maturity.

"Akuna Matata" leave your past behind...

Hey, got the new study group at my house tonight. They are all really great gals, no swearing, no gossiping, just all want to get through school together!!

Hubby came home from work last night and said I looked so relaxed!!

Duh! No more childish crap to deal with!!


Skell (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/../members/skell.html) agrees: Relaxed. Sounds nice. Something I haven't felt in a while! Have to find a new study group myself!

You are welcome to come join us Skell!!

Sorry I have been ot of the loop again for awhile, but I wanted to say... you don't realize what you have until it is gone, whether it is good or BAD. You didn't realize just HOW toxic she was until you left her in the dust... good for you! ANd good for hubby for noticing how good you looked, relaxed and all!

Yes, Yelo, TOXIC is the exact word ;). Other student in the class are just now noticing it.

I have had comments made to me about how happy they were that I stood up and got out rather than being controlled.

She, on the other hand, is, well, I can't say anything bad, I am the bigger person here!! :D

She, on the other hand, is, well, I can't say anything bad, I am the bigger person here!!!!!!!! :D


Haha... GREAT COMMENT!! Very Cute! :D

"Time wounds all heels"

OMG, I love it!!

Please can I steal it? Time wounds all heals!!

OMG, I love it!!!!!!!!!

Please can I steal it? Time wounds all heals!!!!!!!!

Yeah, it's real handy when dealing with people like that. I can't remember where I got it, but I'm pretty sure it's not copyrighted, so feel free.