So the reasons she gave me for breaking up were Im not social enough and hang out with her friends and family enough. She also said she feels like she has just been in a relationship for so long that she needs time to be herself and be independent again. Also she wants to not always have to consider someone else all the time. Just be free I guess. The other reason is she knows I want to live somewhere else with her one day not here and she wants to stay here. I told her I would never leave without her and unless she wanted to go to.

The first week I did all sorts of surprises and spontaneous things to try and get her back. None of it worked she kept sayign she needs time and space. The crazy thing is this is all from a girl who has talked about marriage all along even in the last month or so. Things in the last few months have been great too. We have been getting along great doing nice things together. I have been showing her a lot more affection especially in public which I didn't so much before and it bothered her. I just don't understand the space thing because we only hang out maybe twice a week and I don't control her at all. She goes out with her friends , gets drunk has fun. And then whammo out of the blue this happens.

We have had our problems like any couple but never anything too big a deal.

Any idea why this would happen and what I should do now?

The first week I did all sorts of surprises and spontaneous things to try and get her back. None of it worked she kept sayign she needs time and space.

Perhaps in her mind it was too little too late.

Very often when people ask for space,what are truly saying is * I don't want this relationship anymore,I care about you as a friend because I loved you once but I do not love you now or I would still want to be with you*.

It is a gentle and cowardly way to break -up.

Her sending mixed signals by talking about marriage could just be confusion on her part.

I think you need to maintain no contact with her and respect her wishes.

Its sad to say but it would seem she is done with this relationship and I think perhaps you need to begin accepting that it is over.

The thing is that she told me she loves me and will always love me. That she just needs time to be by herself and to think. I sent her a to do list and lots of my to things to do invloved her and how I am committed to fix things. She said to me the list was so lovely and that she hopes I can do them, "just not right now." She said she might even need a month... I asked her if this was just an easy way of breaking it off or if she was maybe kind of keeping me around in case she changes her mind. She said she just needs space. I just don't want to keep hanging on to us if it is going to be for nothing. I think I am going to let go and see what she does cause I haven't really left her alone or given her time to miss me or want to come back...

The thing is that she told me she loves me and will always love me. That she just needs time to be by herself and to think. I sent her a to do list and lots of my to things to do invloved her and how I am committed to fix things. She said to me the list was so lovely and that she hopes I can do them, "just not right now." She said she might even need a month...I asked her if this was just an easy way of breaking it off or if she was maybe kinda keeping me around in case she changes her mind. She said she just needs space. I just dont want to keep hanging on to us if it is gonna be for nothing. I think I am gonna let go and see what she does cause I havent really left her alone or given her time to miss me or want to come back....

I think for your own piece of mind giving her the requested space is a good idea.
She said she will always love you and that may be so.I love my exe's as well.simply for the fact that I loved them once,sincerely.

The love that you feel for someone you have been in love with and the love that is needed to sustain a relationship are two different types of love.

She may not miss you and want to come back and you need to be prepared for that as well.

While it is great that you are willing to change things I hope you are making those personal changes for YOU. To improve yourself for yourself and not anyone else.

Thanks artlady for your input. I do realise I may have lost her for good. I told her I won't give up on us. That this has been a huge eye opener for me. The change is both for me and for us to have a better relationship. Some of the change will simply make me a better person. If its years later I will show up on her doorstep with a rose because I believe in true love. She does too or at least did...

thanks artlady for your input. I do realise I may have lost her for good. I told her I wont give up on us. That this has been a huge eye opener for me. The change is both for me and for us to have a better relationship. Some of the change will simply make me a better person. If its years later I wil show up on her doorstep with a rose because I believe in true love. She does too or at least did...

Its good to believe in true love but again,even true love does not always last forever.
I have had more than one true love in my life and at 54 I would say I was lucky to have them all.They all helped me to be who I am today.
Good luck to you!

Bro I understand where you're coming from. My girl and I had an awesome last weekend after several stupid fights and she wrote me a love letter confessing all her love for me. The next day she moved out while I was at work, telling me she needs space blah blah.

Someone else had caught her eye. You're going to say "no no never. i know her. she wouldnt ever..." but sadly I will almost guarantee it.

I'm on day 9 of NC man, that is where you need to go next.

Thanks stillfading... how do you know your girl is with someone else... How does a guy know if she is just "taking time" to be with someone else?

You need to backup, it's a little too late to be doing things for her now. All the surprises and spontaneous things that you are doing are just pushing her away.Anyways whatever the reason may be for breakup , you need to understand this, she does not want to be in a relationship with you.Leave her alone

thanks stillfading...how do you know your girl is with someone else...How does a guy know if she is just "taking time" to be with someone else?

You don't know until you know... simple as that. Worrying about it doesn't solve any of YOUR problems. I had to swallow my pride when my girlfriend broke up with me after 4.5 years, as I thought I was such a swell guy. But I faced the facts, I made mistakes as much as she did, and I contributed to the demise of the relationship as much as she did. But, you know what? That is all right. That is what we go through life for, to live through these experiences and to find out what makes us happy, what makes us tic, so to speak.

Right now, it sucks, and your emotions are running at 100mph, and you think this is the end of your life, so to speak. It's not, it is merely the beginning of the next chapter, a chapter that is blank, and written by you, for YOU! Sorry to get all preachy on you, I had a profound day yesterday, and I want to make sure my words have an impact on you. Good luck, I know it sucks, but you will make it through this.

Carry on... :cool: (Had to do it)

When a partner asks for a break, give it to them, and forget all the things you said during the good times to each other. You have to face the fact, that people change how they feel, and what they want.

Now is the time to learn to deal with your own feelings, without any influence from her, and make your own plans to heal, regroup, and rebuild a life that you enjoy, without her in it.

Only by having no contact with her whatsoever, can you get over the shock, disappointment, and the rejection, your now feeling and avoid the confusion that comes with a break up, especially a long term one like you had, and get over the emotional attachments, you have made. It sucks for now, but will get better if your good to yourself, and work on rebuilding yourself.

Sorry for your loss, but give yourself a chance to heal the hole in your soul. That takes time, but you have plenty of it.

Update!!


Now she is texting me saying she misses me and such. I said well do you want to hang out tongiht(friday) or should I come pick you up for lunch. And she says no I need more time and space. Maybe Sunday for breakfast she says. Then she admitted how bad she wants to see me but just needs more time. I said I understand and ttyl. NOw tonight Im going out with a bunch of friends and picking up a super cute girl I used to work with to go have some fun. I am done sitting around waiting for her. If it is going to happen then she can initiate it. I still love her with all my heart and want to marry her one day... What should I do now am I playing this right?

She is playing around with you, she probably misses you, but missing someone and being n a relationship with someone are two different things

No! Your headed down a path that leads to more confusion, heart break, and drama.

So were meeting for lunch. I asked if she wanted to go to a movie or something later. She said no we aren't going on a date. Last week when we talked when I asked her how much time and space she needs she said maybe a month. But then two days later she was texting me and saying humph I miss you, like she said when we were dating. The she said no matter how bad she wants to see me she can't cause she just needs more time and space. I just don't get it. LIke I don't know if I should keep hanging on , like maybe she does just need a little time and space. SHe is worth it and we had something great going on so I don't want to give up. I just don't know what to think of all this and why she is sending mixed signals. Like she wants to meet for lunch but needs more time and space...

Hi, your situation sounds exactly like mine about 3 months ago. Check out my original post. She said she missed me, she came round but in the end it all led to her being more confused and prolonged the inevitable! Trust me, tell her that you don't want to see her and need your own time. Keep it no contact unless she says specifically that she made a huge mistake and wants to talk about sorting it out.

So what ended happenign with you two johnnyblog? Back together? I just got back from lunch and then I took her for a walk by the river. We had a nice time. She doesn't want to get back together as she is still taking time and doesn't even know what she wants. She said she's on a emotional roller coaster. She emphasized the fact that we are broken up and that we are just friends. She needs time to be her again. We both told each other we loved one another. I told her I understand she needs her time and that is fine. I have really made a lot of changes already and she even noticed. I told her how I have realised that money is nothing without the one you love.

During lunch she told me we won't be getting back together tomorrow or not even next week. She also said she just needs time to be her again and to not be in a relationship. I said OK. I said this time is good for us and that it has been a real eye opener for me. I defintely let it be known I want to be back with her. It ended with us saying I love you and a big hug. I said take care and she said I will talk to you in a week or so.

When they say that they need time and space. It usually means that they want someone/something else. When they string you along it's because they just don't know what that something is yet. What it ends up being is the feeling of being in a new relationship.

Women are extremely indecisive and are governed by emotions/feelings. They can't be alone for long, so the line about finding herself is crap. She'll soon find herself with another guy. She doesn't understand that she is going to end up in the same place with whatever new relationship she gets into.

Don't get burned when she says she misses you. It all returns to the point I made about them not being able to be alone. It's just a trap. Don't fall into it!

What itried said is exactly right, it is what happened to me. They don't mean to do any of this in a vindictive way, they really are confused and are basically telling you that she is not sure whether not she wants you. So you need to basically not put up with her indecisiveness and cut off contact with her. This is best for the both of you.

so what ended happenign with you two johnnyblog? Back together? I just got back from lunch and then I took her for a walk by the river. We had a nice time. She doesnt want to get back together as she is still taking time and doesnt even know what she wants. She said shes on a emotional roller coaster. She emphasized the fact that we are broken up and that we are just friends. She needs time to be her again. We both told each other we loved one another. I told her I understand she needs her time and that is fine. I have really made a lot of changes already and she even noticed. I told her how I have realised that money is nothing without the one you love.

During lunch she told me we wont be getting back together tomorow or not even next week. She also said she just needs time to be her again and to not be in a relationship. I said ok. I said this time is good for us and that it has been a real eye opener for me. I defintely let it be known I want to be back with her. It ended with us saying I love u and a big hug. I said take care and she said I will talk to you in a week or so.

She will keep on playing these games with you, unless you make her stop,Start doing NC.

Although don't be hard on yourself if you slip up from time to time and give in to contacting her. You have to do what feels right for you in your situation. You should never regret telling her things if you feel they need to be said but just think about why you are saying them and if it is for your or her benefit. I found myself doing the same thing and sometimes e-mailed, text or called her and didn't realise how needy I was being until after. But that's all part of what happens until your brain finds a balance and a solid ground, this is when I adopted the attitude of 'she dumped me, oh well its her loss' attitude which makes me feel a lot happier than the 'why did she leave?' attitude.

What if I do NC for a week or until she contacts me. Then give her an ultimatum which is, you know how I feel and where I stand. SO you need to decide whether you want to make this work with me. If not we go our own ways.

The other side of me thinks if I love her and care respect her then I will give her this time and space to figure herself out. She is not saying to me right now that we will get back together 100%. But she is defintely putting off that vibe and even saying it is her intention.

I just can't help but feel like she is just taking this time to see if she can make it without me and if its too much she will get back with me. If she can make it on her own then she won't need me anymore. Anyone think this is what she's doing? Im almost positive there is no one else. She just wouldn't do that. She herself is havign a very difficult time with this too. I am going to be strong and not contact her though you guys...

If she does not want to be in a relationship with you she won't want you back after a week of NC.NC is about you not about getting your ex back.

Right now you are her backup, if she does not find anyone better she might come back to you.But do you really want to be someone's backup.

She told you that she doesn't want to be with you so that means that you don't contact her unless she contacts you--EVER! IF she wants to she will reach out. If not then she doesn't want you. You need to get on with your life in the meanwhile because she will definitely be exploring her options.. Remember, she broke up with you. Your terms and conditions are meaningless to her.

Oh, and by the way, there probably is another guy. You will always be unpleasantly surprised by your ex's after you break up with them. This is when they actually reveal their true selves.

OK everyone seems to think time and space means either there is someone else or they are stringing you along in case they want you back. Any girls reading that have asked for time and space and really just needed time and space to think, assess the relationship, be themselves etc??

Like she is putting herself through turmoil as well. Why do this? Is it just in case she thinks she made a mistake. Man this is such a pickle. I realise what you guys are all saying and no I don't want to be her backup plan. Its just part of me really believes her that she needs this time and space to be her again. Like today at lunch she said how I had changed her and made her an anti social type by always being in a room watching TV or something. Like you we got out but nothing like when she was single. See she is a social butterfly type and loves to be around people. So basically she said this time and space is to redefine who she is. She said I have only called her beautiful like 5 times in our whole relationship too. She says I have just hurt her too much and she needs to be apart for awhile.

Also if there was someone else why would she be texting me sometimes. Tell me she loves me wants to get back together possibly. And she went for lunch with me which was her idea. Then for a walk. Like I see where you guys are coming from but why would she be doing these things if she has another guy already. Man I'm so confused I just don't know what to do

Man, you were with this girl for 4.5 years and NOW all of this is a problem for her?? She was obviously quite happy for 4.49999999 years wasn't she?

Someone or something has sparked a little change in her, and all of the sudden the reasons that she was with you in the first place aren't good enough anymore?? This absolutely screams that someone has gotten into her head. This girl has been changed and there is no looking back for her now. It sucks to hear this I know, but you have to face facts. Why should YOU have to change who you are when who you were before was good enough for 4.5 years? This is not the type of person you want to be with. Don't find this out the hard way. Find someone who wants to be with you for who you are.

As far as the texts and lunches. Even though they were her idea it still means nothing. She doesn't miss you. She misses being with someone. As soon as she has some other guy to do this with, you're out the door. Then she'll probably start acting like she hates you. Don't put yourself through this.

Thanks everyone for all your input. The general consensus is to move on. I will keep you all posted I'm still thinking of giving her the ultimatum in a weeks time.

UPDATE!!

I saw her tonight at the bar, she was with a group of friends. I texted her to meet me downstairs. She did. She has talked about marriage all along and tonight I told her I am ready to marry her and the only reason I don't have a ring yet is because I don't want to buy her back. I told her she's the only girl I want to be with and that I love her so much. She said she feels the same way. But that she needs more time and doesn't want tto be pressured back yet. I told her that I want to wait a lifetime for her but I can't because it is just to hard on me emotionally and physically. I can't believe this happened. I was good and we had a week of no contact. I want to be with her forever and she feels the same way...

WhAT NOW! Are some people meant to be together?

If your meant to be together you will. Stop trying and move on! If she wants you she will come crawling back. Stop finding reasons to talk to her and proclaim your love. She obviously knows you want her.

WhAT NOW! Are some people meant to be together?

I don't know if some people are meant to be togather, but you have made it evidently clear that you want her, the ball is in her court, she has told you she wants space and time which by the looks of it you are refusing to give.Back off move on with your life.Even if she comes back the obcession that you have with her would be unhealthy.

I was good and we had a week of no contact. I want to be with her forever and she feels the same way...
That's not all the way true. Actually you think that's how she feels, when its obvious she doesn't. You can see this any way you want to, but its still a fact, her feelings have changed, and your not coping with it well.

Leave her alone, and eventually you'll accept the fact, its time to do something else with your life, as that chapter is over.

talaniman she said to me straight up that she feels the same and that she wants to be with me forever and loves me. She also said she just doesn't think 2 1/2 weeks is enough time for us to have really changed.

She knows how I feel regardless and I am not going to contact her and try to move on. I let her know that I cannot wait forever for her and in a few weeks time I will let go and move on.

Well we talked today and its over. She made her decision. You guys were right. Now I must move on. This feels so awful. I think I pushed her away and blew what little chance I had. You guys were all right. But at the end of the day I can say I really tried though. She is the one who lives with the doubting herself if she made the right decision or not.

She knows I was willing to change so much. She knows I was ready to marry her. She knows how much I loved her and wanted to be with her forever.

I just feel kind of lost right now. But at the same time I feel a little better knowing she has made a decision and I am not in limbo now. If her and I are meant to be together it will happen I think but I cannot do anything about it. I need to let go and move on.

What's the easiest way to do this?

You just have to keep your mind occupied by doing things that you enjoy. Exercise, read, play sports, go on a trip, whatever. Just focus on yourself. It's going to be really hard for you right now but you just have to push through it. Don't give yourself an opportunity to dwell on her.

Well we talked today and its over. She made her decision. You guys were right. Now I must move on. This feels so awful. I think I pushed her away and blew what little chance I had. You guys were all right. But at the end of the day I can say I really tried though. She is the one who lives with the doubting herself if she made the right decision or not.
Sounds good but means nothing!!! Find another way to stroke your wounded ego.
She knows I was willing to change so much. She knows I was ready to marry her. She knows how much I loved her and wanted to be with her forever.
She also knows she didn't feel the same way as you did. Now you know.
I just feel kind of lost right now. But at the same time I feel a little better knowing she has made a decision and I am not in limbo now. If her and I are meant to be together it will happen I think but I cannot do anything about it. I need to let go and move on.
Her decision was made when she broke up with you, so just notice what it took, and how long it took for you to get it. Thats important for future reference.
Whats the easiest way to do this?

Re-read your post again, and you will see that question has been answered, but you weren't ready to hear it, so it fell on deaf ears. It happens, so go back, and re read the advice given... just to refresh,


When a partner asks for a break, give it to them, and forget all the things you said during the good times to each other. You have to face the fact, that people change how they feel, and what they want.

Now is the time to learn to deal with your own feelings, without any influence from her, and make your own plans to heal, regroup, and rebuild a life that you enjoy, without her in it.

Only by having no contact with her whatsoever, can you get over the shock, disappointment, and the rejection, your now feeling and avoid the confusion that comes with a break up, especially a long term one like you had, and get over the emotional attachments, you have made. It sucks for now, but will get better if your good to yourself, and work on rebuilding yourself.

Sorry for your loss, but give yourself a chance to heal the hole in your soul. That takes time, but you have plenty of it.,

There is much more from others as well, if your ready to listen.

Well she's coming over to get the spare key for her car and a few other things, I gave her a approximately 350 dollar promise ring. I don't know if I should take this back or not. She asked me if I want it back or not. I said what are you going to do with it , she said probably look at it everyday...

My other question is what about things that she has ogtten me over the years, like t shirts, dvds a hat. Should I keep these or will it make it that much harder to move on? Just wondering because I've never really went through this before.

Never push the issue of staying together.Because she could feel that she has to to keep you happy and eventually the relationship will turn into a bad direction.So give her space to find herself and when you are back together she can give you what she couldn't at first.. trust me I know been in the situation!

well shes coming over to get the spare key for her car and a few other things, i gave her a approximately 350 dollar promise ring. I dont know if i should take this back or not. She asked me if i want it back or not. I said what are you gonna do with it , she said probably look at it everyday...

My other question is what about things that she has ogtten me over the years, like t shirts, ,dvds a hat. Should I keep these or will it make it that much harder to move on? Just wondering because ive never really went through this before.

Either trash them, give them away, or store them somewhere that is not easily accessible for you. All the gifts, cards and other things from her will do nothing but make it harder for you to move on, so yes, out of sight, out of mind, so to speak.

I'm in the same boat as you but we are at 6.5 years... she always talked about marriage up to the day before she wanted to break up.

Hey ldanny, sorry to hear about that man. Really. Nice to know were not alone though hey. How long you two been split? Did she give you the I need time and space?

Its been two weeks, she said the time and space thing and I broke almost all the rules in the first week and she told me its over.. so now.. I don't think its going to be anymore.. so pretty sad

its been two weeks, she said the time and space thing and I broke almost all the rules in the first week and she told me its over.. so now.. i dont think its going to be anymore.. so pretty sad

Life goes on so many great and wonderful people to meet, just keep on moving forward:)

Well u have closure at least ldanny. Mine won't even say its over for good. She said who knows maybe in a month or two she wants to give it another shot. Im not holding my breath though. Who knows if I will even want her back in a month or so. I am working out at the gym hard now. Joined an online dating site. Already got about 4 solid contacts on there. Im taking it slow though. Just friends with these girls for now. I realise I need time to heal.

I think your girlfriend had a revelation. You've written it:
She also said she feels like she has just been in a relationship for so long that she needs time to be herself and be independent again.
I would think that when you are in a relationship, you relate who you are to the person you are with. If she says she needs time to be herself, then she must be missing the part of her life that she gave up to be with you.

She wants to not always have to consider someone else all the time.
It seems like your girlfriend is struggling with her identity. She makes it sound as if a relationship with you is a burden on her being independent.

I'm sure it's frustrating for you to be facing this now. If you both showed your true colors from the beginning, maybe this wouldn't be happening now. Dating for 4.5 years is a long time, but it would have been more frustrating if you were married.

Myuz;1694682, She said who knows maybe in a month or two she wants to give it another shot.

What she meant by that is if I don't find a decent guy in the next month I will whistle and my old dog will come running back onto the leash, because I know what a sucker he is... don't give her the chance,

Well I'm moving on not thinking about her as much. Keeping busy, got a date on Saturday night. Im not going to contact her at least not for awhile. I can't help but find myself thinking and hoping she will come to her senses so to speak, and call me up. We broke up on the terms of we will still talk a bit and who knows maybe in a month or two we will try again... I know that isn't the best scenario for moving on... Just so hard to completely let go...

You.. I feel u... so told me we still had a chance to get back together... maybe in a month or two.. and she isn't looking for a relationship right now with anyone...

So I doidnt contact my ex for like 11 days and then she tried calling me Sunday, I didn't answer. Then she called me this morning(tuesday), I didn't answer so she sent me a text saying hey just wanted to call and say hey and hope your doing good. Si tell her call me now then if you want to talk, so she calls like 15 seconds later.

So we talk nothing to serious we kept it light. The thing is I have been seeing other girls this past few weeks. Now my ex is contacting me but I still love her lots. I asked her if she wanted to hang out this weekend and we would just do something fun. Like go to the casino I said or fro lunch. She says maybe I will see how I feel. I said um OK what do you mean by that. She just said I don't know but ill see how I feel about it this weekend. She's not sure if she's ready to be hang out or be together she said.

Like what's her deal? Sending real mixed signals. Im tempted to tell her I have been seeing other girls but still love you, call me when you figure things out. Like she broke up with me like a month or so ago and doesn't seem to want to let go

Any advice or ideas guys? Like I do think she wants to give us another chance. Im just so confused. I was doing well with no contact then wham she has to call me up and then give me I'm not sure ill see how I feel etc...

Not to mention I do think this time broken up has been real good for us. Kind of a breather and to realise what were missing. Just you would think a month and some would be enough to know what you want...

I am so sorry for your break-up... I too have recently going through what you are currently going through! I was in a 4.5 year relatioship was actually engaged and we were living together!
You are focusing on the words.. I love you... being in love... I can't live without you... and trying to make sense of them... you are on a emotional roller coaster! Step back... take it one day at a time... give your EX space! Either it will work itself out or it will be time for you to move on! I know it is hard... you had this person in your life always had something to do with them... now your wondering what the hell am I going to do now! Take this time to get to know yourself a little better! Keep busy! I know we all say this but it is true... Time will tell all! You will get through this... best wishes!

ADVICE:

Don't try to throw it in her face that your seeing other girls. And what's this by saying "wham she just calls me up" You said call me now! Is that not reason enough? Dude go NC! If she texts delete it, if she calls ignore it. You can't get over someone that you still have ties with. Break those bonds and it only gets easier...

She's not sure if she's ready to be hang out or be together she said.



Yes she is sure, but keeping you confused keeps you from moving forward, and having a normal life without her. She can't let go, because she doesn't have anything else to go to. You do, and she is making sure you can't enjoy it. Not her fault, its all yours, and that's why you think she sends mixed signals, because you let her. Do the NC, and make her let go, and stop the confusion. Have you not read the experiences of others going through the same things here at this forum? If you did you would know why your confused, and would know that its you who must take the right actions to break this cleanly for your own dignity, and self respect.

Is it possible she just truly wanted to call and say hi, and hope I am doing well? Like that's what she said at least. Like if she was moving on and wanted it over for good wouldn't she not call at all?

If you really believed that, you would be tripping over it you would have just let it go.

K so she calls me up this morning, she said she would like to see me this weekend. I agreed and I am going to pick her up this weekend. I am going to try my best to show her I've changed and that we should really give it another shot.

I don't even know what she wants still, however I'm pretty sure this is like a test date for her to see if I have changed at all. I don't think it is just hanging out as friends because it has only been a month and I don't see why she would want to hang out as only friends.

We have been broken up over 5 weeks now and have had very minimal contact. So this date in my mind is like a last chance for us, so I'm thinking I should go all out. I feel like it's a last chance for us because I have almost had it with her uncertainty and trying to keep me in limbo so to speak. So if she shows no interest in getting back with me I'm going to tell her I'm moving on I think and that we shouldn't talk until she knows what she wants, and that hopefully I'm still single when she figures it out.

I guess what my question is does anyone think I should attempt anything romantic at this point such as bringing her a flower when I pick her up, or giving her a kiss or holding her hand at some point etc.

Not to be rude man, but I don't think you've really paid attention to what anyone has said to you.

And now your about to put yourself in a world of hurt with her.

Again.

k so she calls me up this morning, she said she would like to see me this weekend. I agreed and I am going to pick her up this weekend. I am going to try my best to show her ive changed and that we should really give it another shot.

I dont even know what she wants still, however im pretty sure this is like a test date for her to see if I have changed at all. I dont think it is just hanging out as friends because it has only been a month and I dont see why she would want to hang out as only friends.

We have been broken up over 5 weeks now and have had very minimal contact. So this date in my mind is like a last chance for us, so im thinking i should go all out. I feel like its a last chance for us because I have almost had it with her uncertainty and trying to keep me in limbo so to speak. So if she shows no interest in getting back with me im going to tell her im moving on i think and that we shouldnt talk until she knows what she wants, and that hopefully im still single when she figures it out.

I guess what my question is does anyone think I should attempt anything romantic at this point such as bringing her a flower when I pick her up, or giving her a kiss or holding her hand at some point etc.

How much can you really change in 5 weeks.You are setting yourself up for more pain.I am sure the date will go okay since both of you will be on your best behaviour, but what's going to happen if you two start a relationship? The problem you two had which caused the breakup are not going to disappear by themselves

Well you I have an update. We went out together a few nights ago. It went well and we kept it light. We shared some laughs had a few drinks. I stayed confident( being 190 lbs from gym helps, vs. a 6 weeks ago when we broke up I was 174) , kept my cool, was polite tried to make her laugh. I could tell as the night wore on she was warming up to me more. We didn't get physical however. No kissing only had a few hugs with her. After we were done at the casino I asked her if she wanted to hang out at my place for a little bit, she replied no and that we have had sex way to many times on my bed and that she didn't know if she could control herself. And that she wasn't ready for that yet.

I said OK so I took her home. Then we talked a bit, she said this has been just as hard on her. That she still cries about it every week. She said she picks up her phone all the time and wants to call me but that she can't yet. She said that she is still healing and needs to accept that things are going to be different this time. Told me she was still in love with me. When I said you know like its tough like I want to move on but one side of me thinks your going to come back, she said I think I'm going to come back as well.

I told her more or less that there's other girls interested in me, (which there is, one is this close to breaking up with her boyfriend to be with me, which I've told her not to) but that I want to be with her and she's my #1. She said well if you want to see other girls then go ahead.( which I don't really believe she is OK with one bit)

So after all this talk she says well I will talk to you in a week or something maybe, I said whenever, cause I wasn't really impressed. Then I left. Then the next day she says on a text "i had fun last night just hanging out with you and thanks again for everything"

Its been two days I haven't replied yet, I don't know if I should or not. I'm thinking I should let her wait a bit for a change and maybe not even reply...

I don't know what she wants still , like she wants to be with me clearly, but why won't she yet? What's the point in waiting, she knows I have already made big changes, she said so herself that night.

I know what you mean.. I say just don't respond... that's what I would do... it will be harder on you... I responded to my ex and helped her with all sorts of things.. then it was hard for me to part again... it will be better for you...

You will never understand anything about her, as long as your waiting for her to spend more time with you, and trying to figure out why she is doing what she is doing.

Only when your doing what you want to do and leaving her alone, will your confusion finally end.

Its been a month, have you gotten any closer to her?

K talaniman

So your saying just leave her alone don't say anything to her..

That's more or less what I have been doing, she has initiated contact the last few times.
Do you see us having a chance with the things she told me last time I was with her?

And I don't know if I should reply or not to her text saying she had good time hanging out thanks etc...

We have only been broekn up just under 6 weeks and you it does feel a little closer, she has actually opened up a bit , she is initiating contact, telling me she's in love with me etc...

Yes I am pretty confused though your right, like I just don't know why she would keep putting it off... like I kind of understand but not really...

Because you are already a fish hooked on the bait, why reel you in? You will enjoy the little bait she's given you while she goes out and continues fishing.

So she called yesterday morning and I missed it, so that evening I casually texted her "did you call earlier? whats up.." she texted back "just called to see whats up and see how you are doing".

Like I just saw her like 5 days ago, of course I'm fine. I think I will just reply something like "im doing good , hope you are too, -mike"

Maybe I shouldn't say anything though, I don't know man this sucks. Like I want to be with her and we are both still in love with each other. Just frustrating.

Stop talking to her!

Like should I maybe tell her point blank I think you are just keeping me around in case and I don't like that. Call me when you know what you want between us and hopefully I'm still available..?

But catch22, like she's shown lots of interest in getting back together, like we just hung out like 5 days ago and it went well. If we are possbily going to get back together shouldn't I at least be responding to her?

I'm in the same boat as you.. BUT I did not call her text her back. Read my thread for the advice one other member gave me, it might help...

If she wants to get back with you, she knows where you live, she has two able legs, which means she can walk her little arse over to your house and tell you this. You are reading too much into too little, it's called false hope and you are only prolonging the pain

So my ex called today she was asking how I'm doing lol, she was texting me yesterday and I told her I was good and hope she's doing well. She was asking me if I had plans this weekend I said you. She said what, I said well I'm hanging out with andrea a friend from work. She kinds got upset and was like what, are you seeing each other? Is she coming over? Are you taking her to a movie? I said I don't know what were doing yet , were just friends for now. I could tell she was upset then she said I got to go to work bye.

Like I'm not going to lye when she asks me what I'm doing tonight so she won't get jealous. Like she ended it with me and now she's mad I'm hanging out with an other girl lol, like go fly a kite.

I then received a text a few hours later saying I'm sorry I bothered you I won't call again. Have a great weekend!

Then another one a few mintues later saying my only wish is for you to be happy and enjoy life, please promise me you will. Smiley face.

Like is that all about. I really doubt she won't call again but maybe its for the better if she doesn't. I really think she is going through a tough time and is upset especially since I'm not sitting around waiting for her anymore. Like I'm not going to lie, I still love her and want to be with her. Just sick of the games and waiting around. I think she is kind of upset that I'm meeting new girls and kind of moving on too.

Any ideas what's going on in this girls head? I'm confused. Like on the phone she said again I can't be with you until I'm healed and neither can you be with me until your healed. Like is that even mean. Sounds kind of like bs to me. Why would you heal from someone to go right back to them. I don't know...

If you didn't answer the phone you would not have to worry about all this drama.Quit playing with yourself and her.

Dude I have to answer my phone, she's not the only restricted number that calls me. And like I'm not going to just hang up on her. Like this is a girl I was ready to marry and was with for nearly 5 years.

Damn.. that sounds soooo much like my ex.. asking if I have been going out a lot and bs like that.. and "like you saw the movie? i guess i have to look for someone else to go with me now." wth is that right?

I know its hard but I think WE need to go back to NC... I was really to marry my ex too.. so I know how you feel. I'm going to tell her tomorrow, I don't want to see you if you just want to hang out and feel better about YOUR actions...

At this point, you shouldn't have to worry about her feelings anymore... You don't have to do anything for her, it is all about you at this point. Well, that's what I'm telling myself LOL

If you didn't answer the phone you would not have to worry about all this drama.Quit playing with yourself and her.

WEll I thought I would leave a bit of an update here.. We are not back together... I was doing NC for a while.. Things were going OK, it was hard but I was slowly moving on... Then she starts sending me messages like I love you I always will I miss you so much.. I miss your smell... etc... SO we hung out... A few times.. Things went well... She noticed how I'm making changes.. ie more confident, more easygoing, more outgoing...

We ended up having sex again, we have about 4 times now... We hang out regularyl like m aybe once or twice a week... she sends me messages a lot... Its hard because she maintains that we are still just friends and we will see where things go... if its meant to be it will happen... Now when we were dating we ahd a two week trip planned together, and now it looks like she will be taking this trip with me still... AS friends she says... She says to me she wo nt commit to be anything more than friends until she has seen that I have really really changed and things will be different this time...

Like in all honesty it almost feels as if we are dating again... but were not... She even called us friends lol... I know like that is a pretty good deal for a guy is to have a girl who wants to have sex regularly but no commitment... I still find it kind of tough though... So basically she is taking this trip with me and wants to see that I really have changed before she will commit to dating again... And I don't even know she's just saying that to buy herself time or whatever... Like I kind of believe her... like why jump back into a relationship where you weren't happy... A part of me thinks it's a really bad idea going with her for two weeks... And she isn't coming for using me or anything like that because for one thing we are taking her car... I had a car rental all lined up and was fine with taking her in that but to save me money she pffered to take her car and save me the 6oo bucks... And also she could take this trip with a friend or anyone else... Why me right..

Anyway let me know what you guys think... I know it's a messed up situation... but I guess I'm going to have to see how things go... In a sense I have nothing to lose...

f**ck friends... is what she called us

Yea she's keeping you hooked until she finds someone else. You need a dose of reality here. You remember YOU right? She's using you for her lingering emotional and physical needs until she finds whatever she's looking for. Whatever it is, it's not YOU. Everything is convenient for her and her needs, not yours. You need to step up and remember that it isn't all about her... what do you want? She already stood her ground and said you are NOT together, so besides her, what do you want? Do you want to be treated like this all the time? Do you want this lack of respect in your life?

You shouldn't go on this trip one bit. It's going to continue to give you false hope. Fact is, if she wanted to be with you she WOULD be... she wouldn't be doing what she's doing now.

f**ck friends... is what she called us


I looks like that's what you are all right. You must not have anything better to do. For sure she isn't letting you explore any other options or opportunities that may present itself.

Even friends with benefits can date others, can you??

Edited.

One thing that's a bit off here is, she is defining whatever it is this relationship is about, and your just going along with it. May I ask where your input is, and why your happy with f**k friends? Okay its easy sex, but who's paying for it? And who is really getting f**ked here? What if your not the only f**k friend, or she justs gets a better offer? Now what?

Well she isn't stopping me from seeing other girls in fact she said she's fine with it if I did... Although I'm not sure if she really means it as she has made some pretty jealous comments to me... in all honesty though the sex has been great lol... but I see where you guys are coming from... It would be kind of hard to turn her down and this great sex and say no... ya know what I mean guys... But you she is keeping me hooked... But likewise to her if some better girl came along and wanted to be with me then my ex might get burned too...

Also if there was someone else why would she be texting me sometimes. Tell me she loves me wants to get back together possibly. And she went for lunch with me which was her idea. Then for a walk. Like I see where you guys are coming from but why would she be doing these things if she has another guy already. Man im so confused I just dont know what to do

Because she's selfish and wants you and the other guy.

My ex cheated on her new guy(with me),two weeks into the relationship with him.

While she was telling me there was no one else.

So we hooked up,in person it was like "I don't know if I love you now,but I really did"

I was like... this is very weird... who says that... and does these things... if they don't have feelings...

I put the puzzle together

sure enough on myspace 'in a relationship'

= huge confrontation.. lol.

If she has a social network site... check it.

you know what I mean guys... But you she is keeping me hooked... But likewise to her if some better girl came along and wanted to be with me then my ex might get burned too...
No she wouldn't, but you would be even more confused. Big difference between love and sex. Or used for sex.

If she had other friends with benefits, you would never know.

Well here's a big update... we have been back together about two months now and things are going really great for us... The trip together was awesome and really helped us to see that we really want to be together. We bpth agreed that the time apart was really good for us. Her and I are taking a trip to Cuba this winter and I even have plans of asking her to marry me which she hasn't hid at all that she would like.. We are going to get a condo together soon when she is done school. Her and I are both very very happy together. I get at least a few texts from her daily saying how happy she is we are back together and that she made the right choice in giving us another shot.. Sex has continued to be great! NOw the thing is I just don't want her and I to fall back into any of our old ways... I don't think we will though, the relationship is better than ever... WE enjoy spending time together more than ever and spend all the time together we can, which is a good sign because in the past when things weren't so great we only would hang out like once a week maybe... So once again I ask for any input and want to thank everyone for their input so far...

I'm going through the same thing right now that you were almost exactly.. we dated almost 4 years... we are about 2 months in to the breakup and no contact is not easy at all... life is so different now I can hardly stand it but I'm trying to make changes with my own life to feel good about myself hopefully find a new life as well someday as you can imagine we have many of the same friends and they all get together on weekends to hang out makes it hard for anyone to try to move on and go out and have fun... I try to keep busy though

Me too 4yrs. If only...

Hope things work out for you