Threads merged

My girlfriend broke up with me after 5 years, the reason is I did not want to convert to her religion so we can get married. Anywas 2 weeks ago she broke up with me over the phone and she said wanted to remain best friends but at the same time she said she didn't want me to get hurt or she gets hurts when one of us gets married. And that she needs to concentrate on her dental school and that she is not young anymore, she is 28 and she needs to think of marrige.

So I was like how the hell is the best friend thing going to work if we are still talking and when one of does get married we still be hurt. I was mad so after a wild I said fine and said good bye.

Anyway tonight I found out these girls have talkied about her and her friends, I guess it's a girl thing. So to piss off the girls that have talkied about them, they are going to dress up tomorrow night and go to this party where these girls are at and filrt with every guy that the other girls know just to pist them off.

Now this pisses me off, she is going to flirt with guys just to piss off this girl. What hell! It seems after 5 years she already has moved on after 2 weeks of break up. It seems she never cared after all these 5 years..

Was religion always very important to her? If not I believe the she's been wanting to leave for a while now and just used that as an excuse.

Her actions seem normal; after being in a relationship for so long some people do tend to act like wild animals after being locked up in a cage.

The whole friend is a hard thing to do, especially after such a long time. You need to take time to reflect on the relationship and learn the inevitable lessons that came from this experience.

Make sure you have a people to support you and help you to heal emotionally [AMHD is here for that too].

Do keep busy! Use exercise, hobbies and your favorite activities to keep yourself vibrant. In this case, you can't rely on your ex to help you recover or to get any sort of closure.

If you do want to be friends please consider your intentions. If your motives are to get closure, "check up" on your former partner, rekindle your romance or inflict some sort of revenge, it is probably best to leave her in the past. I believe you should keep her at a distance. She seems to want to do her own thing, and so should you.

Don't make yourself feel better by:
-drinking more frequently
-doing drugs
-resorting to violence
-being a bedhead
-staying at home moping around
-emotional eating
-asking yourself "what if" questions
-replaying the relationship over and over in your head. Know where it went wrong and learn from it.
-do not physically harm yourself
-deprive yourself from: sleep, food, daily medication, a social life
Or any other negative behavior.

AMHD is here for support,

Sarah

Tony
YOU are still hurting after only 2 weeks because that's how long you've known about the break up , and yes its still all very fresh to you.

But to her it's not , she knew about breaking up with you for a long time before it happened , therefore she is at a much advanced stage of the emotional drama than you are.

Hence what seems to you to be straight out there after such a short time actually isn't for her.

You need to not let this sort of stuff worry you because basically its totally out of your control now.

Easier said than done I know , but unfortunately that's just one of the dynamics of breakups.

It was always important to her. I once agreed to convert, then couple of months passes and we are talking and I told her I decided I don't want to convert and boy did she get piss off. I talked to a friend and he told me she is not going out to get hooked up or anything, she is going out to piss these girls off by flirtin with their guy friends since these girls have been talking behind her and her friends back.. He said this is more of a personal issue than trying to hook up with anyone.



Was religion always very important to her? If not I believe the she's been wanting to leave for a while now and just used that as an excuse.

Her actions seem normal; after being in a relationship for so long some people do tend to act like wild animals after being locked up in a cage.

The whole friend is a hard thing to do, especially after such a long time. You need to take time to reflect on the relationship and learn the inevitable lessons that came from this experience.

Make sure you have a people to support you and help you to heal emotionally [AMHD is here for that too].

Do keep busy! Use exercise, hobbies and your favorite activities to keep yourself vibrant. In this case, you can't rely on your ex to help you recover or to get any sort of closure.

If you do want to be friends please consider your intentions. If your motives are to get closure, "check up" on your former partner, rekindle your romance or inflict some sort of revenge, it is probably best to leave her in the past. I believe you should keep her at a distance. She seems to want to do her own thing, and so should you.

Don't make yourself feel better by:
-drinking more frequently
-doing drugs
-resorting to violence
-being a bedhead
-staying at home moping around
-emotional eating
-asking yourself "what if" questions
-replaying the relationship over and over in your head. Know where it went wrong and learn from it.
-do not physically harm yourself
-deprive yourself from: sleep, food, daily medication, a social life
or any other negative behavior.

AMHD is here for support,

Sarah

.. she is going out to piss these girls off by flirtin with their guy friends since these girls have been talking behind her and her friends back...

That sounds mighty immature of her to take that course of action.

It's really something a 15 year old would do. Go to the teen forum and you may find something like that.
I may be jumping ahead here but I think it's a good thing she's gone. She seems immature and isn't really intuitive when it comes to other people's feelings.

Sarah

What is weird, I knew I would never marry this girl in my mind. The first two years I was yes we will get married but by the end I was just trying to convince myself that I would be but deep inside I knew I wouldn't be. She even once said that she knew I didn't want to get married and I was just holding onto her because I was used to her..

I was always 50/50, now I don't if that is good or not but from what my married friends have told me when you meet a girl and she is the one you will know and won't have doubts either..

That is what I was thinking, for a 28 year old. Lol I know when she is alone that is when she gets depressed and loney and that was when she would call me.. But it seems she is with friends and that is why she is not going through what I'm going though, but I hope the table turns.



That sounds mighty immature of her to take that course of action.

Sarah

I think she's not going through what your going through because she broke up with you way before she told you. I bet she acted distant for quite a while, or the relationship felt different.

Either way- it is over and it's time to bury the corpse and stop reopening the casket.

You need not to forget her, but remember the lessons that came with this relationship. You will be okay- I'm going through an ick break up of 4 years+, and dude I am telling you it's only been a week, and I feel better. I am a happier person, I feel energized and well overall awesome. I'm sure if you keep your distance, keep busy, surround yourself with friends, you will feel the same.

If it weren't for breakups we'd be weak people.

Sarah

I think you are right. Well what goes around comes around.. She was always dependent on me, which I didn't like much cause it meant I had to take care of a second person besides myself.

One week and you are happy? Were you the one that broke it off?



I think she's not going through what your going through because she broke up with you way before she told you. I bet she acted distant for quite a while, or the relationship felt different.

Either way- it is over and it's time to bury the corpse and stop reopening the casket.

You need not to forget her, but remember the lessons that came with this relationship. You will be okay- I'm going through an ick break up of 4 years+, and dude I am telling you it's only been a week, and I feel better. I am a happier person, I feel energized and well overall awesome. I'm sure if you keep your distance, keep busy, surround yourself with friends, you will feel the same.

If it weren't for breakups we'd be weak people.

Sarah

One week and you are happy?? Were you the one that broke it off?

Everyone takes a different amount of time to recover from a break up. But friend4u178 said it, she was at a much more advanced stage of the recovery. She's just been waiting for the right moment to tell you.

You said it yourself, your feelings for her have been going downhill after 2 years into the relationship and you didn't plan on marrying her.

Now that you broke up, you don't have to think about her anymore. She's not part of your life anymore, it doesn't matter what she does.

As for the best friend thing, lots of people say that after a break up. It's just to reduce the harshness, but it's all talk, less often does it actually come true.

One week and you are happy?? Were you the one that broke it off?

It wasn't a good relationship so I had to leave. However that is another thread (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-really-stupid-338083.html).

Sarah

After a break up your supposed to leave, and do your own thing, and let her do hers.

Guys I need some advise
Prior to the breakup my ex sent me her tax papers so my accountant will do it
I sent her papers back like 2 or 3 weeks ago and sending envelope from va to NYC
Takes couple of days. Anyway on Thursday she text me thanking me for returning her tax papers she got it on Thursday. Now I know it did not take 2 weeks for her to get it.

I didn't reply. Now this morning she texts me again saying "Wow it's that easy to forget someone after 5 years isn't ??". I don't know what to make of this? It has been amonth with nc

There is nothing to make of it. Any contact will stir up feelings, and most times reactions.

Maybe she had a flood of memories and reacted, after dealing with them a while. Maybe she hoped you would react. Its always a shock when you don't.

Those feelings will settle back down, if you let them, and not get caught up in going back, and forth.

By not replying to her your showing that your not hanging on like a little puppy for any little snippet of false hope , she doesn't like that.

Keep up the NC and avoid going back to square one.

Don't feed her ego by replying. Keep up the good work. It's all about you now!

Threads merged

Hi Guys.

I was on here almost a year ago when my ex and I broke up in April.

After a month she started texting me how she missed me, but she only wanted to be friends.. Well, we met in August when she came down to visit and she acted like we were back again, holding hands and all. Even had sex, but then got into an argument and I told her never to contact me again.

Well yesterday she texted me and wanted to see how I was doing and wanted to know if I was ready to be friends. The bottomline is, we are going out for dinner tonight and wanted to know why would she even contact me now?

And how would I go about this, I would like for us to get back together but I just not sure if it will happen.

Any advise would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Tony

What has changed,if anything?

It seems there was a lot of drama and no commitment to solving your problems

I assume she is still looking to get married and that the different religions are still a problem.

I think NC is still your best option.
.

Has anything changed?

Have you has she?

The reason you state in your original post for the break up was you did not want to convert your religion to get married.

I have no ides as to why she would contact you again,however,are you willing to go back with the same set of problems that broke you up in the first place?

Nothing has changed since we haven't talked. She seems to want to be friends since I was part of her life for 5 years, but who knows. Anyway she is suppose to contact me today to go out tonight, I'm not going to contact her unless she does first..

Two things to keep in mind:

1) If you ever consider getting back to, make sure you've fixed the things that broke you up in the first place, otherwise it will blow up again.

2) Going out on a date will surely build false hope for both of you. If you're both on the same page and both looking to re-spark the relationship, then go ahead. If you're not on the same page, then at least one of you is going to get terribly hurt and prolong the pain and suffering.

I wish,
You are right about the false hope. I'm not going to look too much into it and if she calls me today then we may go out..

Friends with benefits, hangout buddies, just dating whatever you call it. Either enjoy the company, or leave her alone, because I doubt you get any type of commitment, other than another date.

Well I won't be seeing her. She is here for spring break and doesn't have a car and her sister won't give her a ride.

She used religion as an excuse.

Let her get with someone that "believes" the same as her.

Then she can screw with him.

Sorry, man. Its your fault too.

Now you can recognize the kind of person not to get with.

How about you? Work on yourself. Go NC. Discover what's REALLY important to you.

You will be grateful for this.

You know, there's a common thing that I find in reading these different forums on this site about those that are going through a break up, or who have been dumped or left by the ones they love. There are two types you find on here...

1. The people who are very strong in NC
2. The people who are NOT strong enough to do NC

Its amazing what change you see take place in those that are are trully strong in NC and trully wise and smart enough to do so. How they re-invent themselves and redevelop lost talents and attributes, and take the trial and make it a strength. In the end the grow to learn what they want in a relationship and to make it healthy. When I see storys such as that, it really makes me happy and makes my heart sing for the strength they reveal.

Then we have examples such as this, where you see a post from a YEAR back from the same heart broken, falsed hope person in the same position! It trully pulls at my heart and emotions knowing what time was wasted and how much further along this person would have been if they remained strong to themselves and remained NC from the beginning. Now a year down the road there is still false hopes and you are only farther behind then you were a year ago because everyday you don't do NC is everyday that your heart and emotions are rooted deeper and deeper in a unhealthy, plagued relationship.

Please people, NC is the only way to heal after a relationship is dead and there is no hope for revival. Or if a loved one has left you, blind sided with no answers, vulnerable and alone. There is no hope in watering a dead plant that has been battered and abused by the summer sun, and there is no hope in saving a relationship that is dead and with no hope of survivial.

Be strong, be active, be wise... that's all I can offer.
Peace Out
-Pure Organic