My husband was 15 years old he went to go spend the night at a friends house he made a mistake and got intoxicated with his friend his friends sister and her friends well anyway his sister was 19 at the time and my husband was highly intoxicated and woke up the next morning and went home. Well six years later almost 7 years later he got a paper in the mail saying he had a child who is now 7 yrs old. He thought it was a joke that someone was just playing or blaming him so he coperated with the child support and did genetic testing. It was a perfect match. He then said the last time he saw this women was that night and had no idea he was with her. Now I know he was in the wrong of drink but that doesn't excuse her of being an adult for one, being at her house 2 and providing the alcohol 3. now the statue of limition is 7 years she failed to tell my husband of this child until the statue of limition was only weeks from being up. Now if my husband had no idea he was sexually assulted how could he have filed a sexual report on her. Now he is stuck with all the finanicial responsibility of this child who he has no relationship with? Please help thanks

Since the offense took a long time ago I'm afraid there may be no legal recourse for you to take. However, it is best to talk to the police or your district attorney to find out all to find out all the options that you have available to you.

When it comes to paying child support to a child you didn't know existed it really depends upon state/province. Since he fathered the child without his knowledge, some states/provinces may be more lenient than others when it comes to "unintentional fathers". In all this you need to hire a lawyer. Even with DNA, you need to find ways to prove it was not consent, it will be difficult, if DNA is positive, you'll need a good lawyer to prove it was without his consent.

Keep note that the child's mother hid the fact that he was a father, perhaps a lawyer can prove that, then you may be able to claim that.

Best of luck to you!
Sarah

Hello l:

Couple things...

Your husband is NOT going to get out of paying child support if the mother is charged, if that's what you think...

The next thing is, no matter what happened 7 years ago, why would he want to put the mother of his child in jail??

excon

NO my husband is a very dedicaded father and would have supported this child if he had know but this woman failed to tell him for 7 years and he is best friends with this women's brother just as long she was hiding something this who time if she really wanted my husband to be apart of his life I think she could have found him. But any way back on subject. WE have a special needs child who is 3 with multiple diabilities and my mother passed away in 2007 we took in my two brothers who are 11yrs and 2years old not only that but we have a another child who I was pregnant. With when we found out all this so if your say my husband is trying to weezle out of this your wrong he just feels dicriminated for being a man and her being a woman and feels he has really been messed over by this woman now he tried see the little boy she won't allow it we just don't understand how she has leverage over a hard working man when she was at fault in the first place she is very lucky my husbands parents didn't know because if that were to happen today a 15 year old having sexual intercourse with a 19 that 19 year old would be held accountable no matter if the 15 year old concented or not it does not matter but to take advantage of a 15 year old boy who was drunk come on now this is sick and wrong my husband feels ashamed of it and all anyone can say is your just trying to weezle your way out I know he loves the little boy but what can he do?

but what can he do?

Get a lawyer.

Sarah

It seems an extreme story that your husband has to explain his paternity to this child.

Not trying to be mean, but I wouldn't buy it, if I were sitting on the jury. It would be terribly difficult to prove especially now. So even if he could press charges where would he go from there? You can always consult with an attorney.

In his position I would rather focus my time now on catching up on all the missed time with the child. Revenge isn't going to make him feel better.

IM sorry excon I forgot to answer your question well for one she has taken more then my husbands freedom away she has put us in financial debt she has taken from our kids! Who have lost enough already I might add! she has caused hurt and pain for him his family it's a game to her she doesn't care she raped my husband and is still tormenting him with the results and DOES NOT CARE this needs to be brought to justice she needs to know SHE cannot weezzle out of the system he's being labeled as the badd guy because he's the guy she can not do this its wrong she is the one trying to play tricks not us we were doing very until she Limited us and our kids to what we can do the courts don't see that and they don't even allow him to explain his case in court Because its not relevant!. hummmmm YEs it is she could be held responsible for all of it. Well all I can say is All this has to hit the surface some time right? Time will Tell

YOU know I completely understand what you guys are saying its not revenge its justice! To live with this is one thing but for it to drag on and on is wrong and tormenting! As for the son we have tried several time to see him contact him she won't allow it but she will allow the money she live in a completely different state she moved there when she found out she was pregnant with the boy

I'm curious to know where you live? Given the situation I would believe there is something you can do. Tell me where did you learn of the limitation on the statue?

As far as proving if he was raped or not... Ya he was 15 she was 19 doesn't make it right! Even if he concented but he didn't concent he didn't even know he had sex with this women! She went and hid for 7 years come on now isn't it too much of a quinsidence that she came out with this when she knew darn well what time it was ( time for the statue of limitation was up) I don't buy that! Not only that but went into hiding when she found out she was pregnant.

I live in Idaho what is funny is this happened on a small Indian reservation called duck valley reservation and that reservation is on the border of Idaho and Nevada... yah what a twist right well we thought that to pursue this we would have to go to nev. All the time but comes to find out where this crime had taken place is on the Idaho side so we were in luck there!

I guess what I am wondering is does this reservation have a different set of law than Idaho. Idaho H290 (2001) Removes the statute of limitations for rape. Nevada NRS §171.083 Removes statute of limitations for sex assault if victim reported offense to law enforcement.



Which means with the evidence of DNA and the age of the parties involved you have your proof.

Well I talked to the tribal office they said that cases like this would be reported to the fbi and if provn guilty she could be convicted so I don't know if you go to court on the reservation!

From other cases I heard you go to court off because it is a really big case!

Thanks for your advice I'm going to look into it
The conceived child is also evidence all they have to do is the math I know it won't solve everything. But it's a start!

Good luck to you.

Hello:

I know you're not interested, but his daughter is going to grow up. She's not going to be too happy about your husband trying to put her mother in jail.

You're making this about the mother and your husband. But, it's really about his daughter...

I'm out of here. This is why I don't answer questions on the family law board... Because the kids always take the beating...

excon

PS> (edited) Correction - the son.

To excon When this women does go to jail the boy will be in our custody! We did have him here for a Really short period and during that time he showed serious signs of physical abuse and sexual abuse and when I say that he was telling my 11 year old all about it he was too scared to tell us but for our protection we took him to child protective services to document the stuff this women or the family that backs her up aren't victums as they portray it. She has serious problems she was with a 15 year old that was the first sign the boy is in danger right as we speak we care about him and believe me we thought about this as well but sometimes you have to go through the storm before you get the rainbow.

EXCON... see you are a nice guy! I agree with where your heart is.

However, I do feel strongly that there has been so many wrongs here that appear to be orchestrated by her. His time has really been lost with this child which is completely unfair. She has taken a lot of things into her own hands and her actions do seem deliberate.

Your correct, Excon, this is rather one sided with some contradiction. Either way it goes. She is correct in saying that a 19 year old and a 15 year old shouldn't have been in this situation and the baby is the proof. What will come of it will remain to be seen. Hopefully they will spare the child the heartache.

You I wish she would get on this website to explain her side of the story because we all want to hear it/know it she till this day avoids the question I don't know what to think I only see her actions and that proves a lot.I am a very reasonable person . YOU guys are right! This isn't about me my husband or her its about the kids! My kids are definetily effected by all this. And I only could imagine what he is going through! But what should we do if you just let it go he could still be exposed to the sexual abuse and the physical abuse but if we pursue it then we hurt him that way but he doesn't hurt himself or other. I'm Confused two great points of view... :eek: :confused:

I see a lot of BS with your husband's story, but that isn't the point here.

If the child is being abused, call the police NOW. Do not go after the mother for allegedly sexually assaulting your "poor husband". Deal with what is actually important... the child.

And I say "poor husband" because even if he WAS drunk and underage, he was still a guy who would have nailed a light socket if he could figure out how to get the outlet cover off. Yes, it might be a "crime" in most states... but I ain't buying it. And if I were on the jury I would side with the woman.

Still Discriminating him for being a man which is not right and you would have to walk in his shoes before you could say anything are plates are full he takes care of his responsibilities! Its not our fault she didn't tell us until now

Steve I know this isn't about what you and I agree on, but I disagree. I as a parent of a 15 year old boy, I would be for one criminally insane if my son spent time with a 19 year old woman that supplied him with alcohol and then tempted him or allowed him to sleep with her. For one without the use of a condom, GOD KNOWS WHERE SHE'S BEEN and for two truly without his consent. The age difference and the alcohol make this a very bad situation. One that I would take further than just assuming that my son must have "wanted it" as you are suggesting.

It is wrong. However you slice it, it was wrong and there are laws to protect the underage regardless of the sex of the person.

:mad::mad:like always siding with the poor woman its her fault in the first place and the reason why she needs to be held accountable and the reason why we don't go to the police like you say is because they will judge him just the way you did! She is still a grown up! She knows better! The kid is the victum just because my husband is grown now doesn't mean he was then! You missing the whole point here! Im not postin a sob story here im only saying it how it is. Its wrong not enough people see what's going on here!

That is very sexiest what you are portraying this to be. That is truly messing with my husbands emotions! He is so very ashamed of what happen to him only wrong doing he's owns up to is the fact he agreed to drink the alcohol. The sex part he knows nuthing about

It hard not to run into a stereotype here. What we expect of fifteen year olds and sex with an older woman. Yes, she was wrong, she was the adult. I don't think any of us are really saying that what she did wasn't wrong.

I think we all just want to focus on what matters right here and now and that is this seven year old child, who shouldn't have to be punished for his mothers sins more then he already is.

You brought up real other issues with her character. Take care of the child. File for your visitation. The mother can't just collect child support. Exercise your rights to be in the child's life.

Steve I know this isn't about what you and I agree on, but I disagree. I as a parent of a 15 year old boy, I would be for one criminally insane if my son spent time with a 19 year old woman that supplied him with alcohol and then tempted him or allowed him to sleep with her. For one without the use of a condom, GOD KNOWS WHERE SHE'S BEEN and for two truly without his consent. The age difference and the alcohol make this a very bad situation. One that I would take further than just assuming that my son must have "wanted it" as you are suggesting.

It is wrong. However you slice it, it was wrong and there are laws to protect the underage regardless of the sex of the person.

Her age does not indicate "where she's been". The other point is that its plausible that they were both in high school still. I graduated with a 20 year old.

And you have never been a 15 year old boy. I promise you... unless your child is different than EVERY 15 year old boy I have ever met, he would have done the same thing.

I am not arguing that what she did was illegal. I am just giving my opinion that I don't feel sorry for the father.

The point is that this happened and there is nothing that can change it. Time to worry about the kid now.

I'm going to add my 2 cents in here. First, whether the boy consented or not should not be an issue. Just as a 19 yr old man having sex with a 15 yr old girl would be charged with statutory rape, so should the reverse.

If you feel the child is not being taken care of properly, then I would pursue the rape case.

But I do see some contradictions in your posts. You talk about the financial burden this situation has placed on you, yet you are willing to take custody of the child. You talk about justice, but the one being most affected is the child and where is the justice for him?

My recommendation is to IMMEDIATELY consult an attorney to try and unravel this mess.

Just because only women report rape does not mean a man can't be raped! It is possible and in my husbands case that is wat happened!come on lets look at the facts here!
1 she moved away from the location when she was pregnant
2 very small community she hid this child from pple there n him
((i might note) hes best friends with her brother why didn't the brother tell him? He must of got told not to say enything!
3 she comes out about it 7 whole years later when statue of limitation is weeks from being up!
This story is too much of a quwinsidence
I don't buy that she is innocent come on now pple!
Regardless if he did knw which he didn't it is still wrong she should be responsible quit weezling through the system and getting away with it! Its pple like her who make it harder for hard workn families who have real issues.

JUST BECUZ ONLY WOMEN REPORT RAPE DOES NOT MEAN A MAN can't BE RAPED! IT IS POSSIBLE AND IN MY HUSBANDS CASE THAT IS WAT HAPPEND!COME ON LETS LOOK AT THE FACTS HERE!
1 SHE MOVED AWAY FROM THE LOCATION WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT
2 VERY SMALL COMMUNITY SHE HID THIS CHILD FROM PPLE THERE N HIM
((I MIGHT NOTE) HES BEST FRIENDS WITH HER BROTHER WHY DIDNT THE BROTHER TELL HIM? HE MUST OF GOT TOLD NOT TO SAY ENYTHING!!
3 SHE COMES OUT ABOUT IT 7 WHOLE YEARS LATER WHEN STATUE OF LIMITATION IS WEEKS FROM BEING UP!!
THIS STORY IS TOO MUCH OF A QUwinsidence
I DONT BUY THAT SHE IS INNOCENT COME ON NOW PPLE!
rEGARDLESS IF HE DID KNW WHICH hE DIDNT IT IS STILL WRONG SHE SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE QUIT WEEZLING THROUGH THE SYSTEM AND GETTIN AWAY WITH IT! ITS PPLE LIKE HER WHO MAKE IT HARDER FOR HARD WORKN FAMILIES WHO HAVE REAL ISSUES.

Please type in actual words and not all caps.

And you mention coincidence - yes - I agree that it's a coincidence that now you are being hit up for support that the story of rape comes out.

What happened or is legal is NOT the issue here. The child is. Deal with THAT issue.

You can take off the caps and stop screaming at us, we get your side.

It was wrong and illegal, talk to an attorney.

I think the real issue here is your husband and you would like custody of this son. The part about being 15 etc is irrelevant at this point and trying to put the mother in jail at this point is useless.

The real question in my mind is why is she coming to your husband now? Is this just a financial need on her part as she is in need of financial help to raise the boy?

You and your husband should definitely pursue a custody matter with this son if he is experiencing physical abuse from the mother. The paternity needs to be established by the Court and then the change of custody issue addressed.

Tryng to nail her on rape charge is nothing more than sour grapes at this point and I, for one, don't see him winning this late in the game but causing everyone a lot of unnecessary grief.

Once the child is in our custody we can get him the proper help he needs as far as financial responsibility this money is not going to go to this child it si going to her! I don't feel comfortable taking money from my kids and giving it to person with selfish intentions! Her actions prove it! The child will be here with us he is still the victim here as well he will be properly cared for! And no longer exposed to that kind of behavior and in ordre to petion for custody you have to go to that reservation and go to court we have no time or money to do either

First stop shouting at us. You posted this question under the criminal law forum and we are trying to advise you according to the law.

As to facts, we only have your husband's account (through you) about the circumstances. I don't know if you even knew your husband at that time.

Under Idaho law:
TITLE 18
CRIMES AND PUNISHMENTS
CHAPTER 15
CHILDREN AND VULNERABLE ADULTS
18-1506. SEXUAL ABUSE OF A CHILD UNDER THE AGE OF SIXTEEN YEARS. (1) It
is a felony for any person eighteen (18) years of age or older, with the
intent to gratify the lust, passions, or sexual desire of the actor, minor
child or third party, to:
(a) solicit a minor child under the age of sixteen (16) years to
participate in a sexual act, or
(b) cause or have sexual contact with such minor child

But, as I said before, consent is irrelevant.

I think I do understand your thinking. You are afraid that any support payments you make will not be used for the care of the child. As I said to you in another thread, it really helps if you tell us the whole story. Its coming out by bits and pieces and that presents a problem in us trying to help.

But the bottom line here is we have given you the legal facts. An earlier post indicated there is no SOL on rape. I've given you statute for Statutory rape. So the ball is now in your court. You need to speak to a lawyer and or county (or possibly tribal) prosecutor on how to pursue this through the courts.

IM FRUSTERATED! Never mind pple its too hard for all of you to understand you won't until you go through it! I'm not a selfish person I just feel like I shouldn't have to deal with it but I joined this marriage and I'm in it with him. I explained my side and what else can I say! I'm the victum here!

Child support: The legal obligation a parent has to contribute to the economic maintenance of their child, which is paid by one parent to the other.

Your not even paying CS yet. If you believe the CS payments are being misused, you should talk to your child support lawyer about changing the child support order, or having the other parent held in contempt of court. <-- but your not even there yet!

You need to hire a lawyer. We are not lawyers, we can give you advice and our opinions but what we say should not dictate on how you will deal with this matter.

Sarah

I need a legal advocate! I don't know the law inside and out! But I do need someone who does!
I guess I just have to deal with it right!
Your right I don't know who my husband was at the time!

once the child is in our custody we can get him the proper help he needs as far as financial responsiblity this money is not going to go to this child it si going to her! I dont feel comfortable taking money from my kids and giving it to person with selfish intentions! Her actions prove it! The child will be here with us he is still the victim here as well he will be properly cared for! And no longer exposed to that kind of behavior and in ordre to petion for custody you have to go to that reservation and go to court we have no time or money to do either

This money IS going to the child, through the mother. Everyone that doesn't want to pay support feels that the money isn't being used on the child. That matters not one little bit. The money is owed to the custodial parent to use *as s/he sees fit*. What you feel comfortable with is of no concern to anyone but you.

If you don't have the time or money to go to court, you obviously do not want custody that badly.

IM FRUSTERATED! never mind pple its too hard for all of you to understand you wont until you go through it! im not a selfish person i just feel like i shouldnt have to deal with it but i joined this marriage and im in it with him. i explained my side and wat else can i say! im the victum here!

Could you please explain just how YOU are the victim? Or did I miss that?

IM FRUSTERATED! never mind pple its too hard for all of you to understand you wont until you go through it! im not a selfish person i just feel like i shouldnt have to deal with it but i joined this marriage and im in it with him. i explained my side and wat else can i say! im the victum here!

YOU are not a victim here. Its debatable that your husband MAY be. The child is the victim here.

IM FRUSTERATED! never mind pple its too hard for all of you to understand you wont until you go through it! im not a selfish person i just feel like i shouldnt have to deal with it but i joined this marriage and im in it with him. i explained my side and wat else can i say! im the victum here!


I understand your frustration, but its not going to be relieved by arguing with us.

But I have to disagree, you are not the victim here. The victim is the child who didn't ask to be placed in this situation. Your husband is only partially a victim, because he either broke the law and got drunk at 15 or consented to having sex with an adult. However, neither of that matters if a Statutory rape charge is pursued against the mother.

i need a legal advocate! i dont knw the law inside and out! but i do need someone who does!
i guess i just have to deal with it right!


Yes you do and you have to find one who knows your local area. You can try legal aid societies or a local law school or similar. You may even find someone, especially a woman lawyer, who would love to prosecute a woman for statutory rape.

But that's what you should be investing your time doing, finding legal representation.

Beause I live with my husbands past! We are in this together our kids life our life we both take our half share on caring for our kids weather it is phycially or financially! Right now it is phycially I have a special needs daughter did you miss that? Well we also took in two of my brothers who don't have a mom or a dad they rely on us for all there care! And we have one more on top of that! So I think you missed a lot! If my husband has to ditch his half on me because of her when she could have prevented all of this then yes I'm left with the crappy end!

OKAY HOLD THE PHONE. HOLY CAT FIGHT!

OP
You keep you saying "all of you" and you are not realizing that you have several people that are agreeing with the facts of this situation as you have laid them before us. It was unlawful for her to engage in sexual activity with him. He was victimized. That isn't being taken away from you, at least not by the majority of the people that have responded. Can you do something legally about that yes.
Will the mother be convicted of anything? Who knows until you try. One thing that will come out of that is hopefully the father (your husband) will feel better that the abuse that he was subjected to was acknowledged and dealt with.
AFTER THAT:
Then what?
You can petition the court for custody. Doesn't mean you will get it. IF you don't get full custody you will get visitation. Those visitation rights will get you closer to this child and hopefully you will establish a good relationship with him.
HOWEVER:
You are not making matters any better by stirring the pot. IF you are on here simply to vent your anger and frustration fantastic get it out. But as far as answering your question we have done that. IT appears you want someone to be upset with and beat up. Take the answers given to you and be proactive. Understand that by beating up his mother you are not doing this child any favors AT ALL.
WORK IT OUT

And we don't have money becuaz it goes to the kids we are caring for and him! Once we are more stable then he can go bak to work!

Or my daughter is medically stable!

I understand your going through a tough time. And yes, when it comes to finances you both carry the cross.

Like I've said many times, get a lawyer.

Sarah

So while he stepped up so you could take in your two brothers, now you are the victim because of his past? What husband wouldn't love to hear that.

You know I never thought of it that way!

So while he stepped up so you could take in your two brothers, now you are the victim because of his past? What husband wouldn't love to hear that.

I never thought of it that way!

I'm sorry it is very hard to turn tempation away when some one indicates u are wrong its very hard to not get upset!

Good luck to you and your husband.

You are carrying a huge load and the additional burdens right now seem to be weighing on you.

Just do what you can to follow with and attorney or the police. Protect the child, he is the innocent bystander.

i never thought of it that way!

Listen Layla, I am probably the LEAST sympathetic person here and even I concede that what happened was illegal. I do not believe that he wasn't a willing participant, but that is just my cynicism showing. That's not the point though.

I am sorry if the assault is affecting your husband, but maintain that you need to do everything you can to fix the future, not obsess over the past. Yes, he may be able to press charges and its possible that the case may actually see the inside of the court. I doubt it... but again... opinion.

If the child is being abused, call the police. There is no other way to put that. CALL THE POLICE.

But do not listen to cynics. Follow the law and you will be fine. Also, only contact the police if you have proof. <-can't believe I said that. You mentioned that the child said something to your child. Sit down with the child and get the truth or the facts and act on that. If you are saying it was the mother and you are somewhat implying that because she had contact with your husband when he was a juvenile that she might be in a position to harm her child. <-that can't exactly be proven.

No he came here and he was saying inappropriate things about himself and this boy is only 6 years old at the time! I have a six year old cuzzin and she says nothing like that and he told us that his mom almost stabbed his stepdad when they were mad at each other and I immediately got a red flag so I acted on it! I'm just saying she has a history of insest and her brother was convicted of molestation and for the boy to do that I got worried!

Rightfully so. It would raise all kinds of red flags for me as well. However, knowing the truth is the main goal in acting upon it. So are you saying that her brother molested her or someone else and who was her insestious relationship with?. and all of this came to you by way of your husband?

I just want to add that Loving is selfless. A lot of your communication today is centered around the affect this situation is having on you. I understand that your children are affected, but that affects you as well. It's okay to vent, but don't allow your husband or yourself to stay focused on yourselves for too long. If all that you are saying is true you have a little boy that needs a good home. <--- therefore, you have work to do.

Rightfully so. It would raise all kinds of red flags for me as well. So areyou saying that her brother molested her or someone else and who was her insestious relationship with? ...and all of this came to you by way of your husband?

And is this the same brother that your husband is still good friends with?

Well prior to the incedent him and other friends would go over to there house and see them doing things bro and sisters shouldn't do! Then here other brother is not the one who he used to hang out with but a different one enyway he was convicted of that!

It's too bad, sounds like everyone in this situation is a victim in someway shape or form.

Do your research and talk to an attorney.

well prior to the incedent him and other frends would go over to there house and see them doing things bro and sisters shouldnt do! then here other brother is not the one who he used to hang out with but a differnt one enyway he was convicted of that!

This came way of your husband? Or were you around? I am saying there are families that are troubled but concentrate on the facts.

I dk I'm done make it what you guys want! I know where I stand no more layla36

If you know where you stand, why did you change your location from Idaho to "some where"?

I am going to have to call a troll alert here. Every time the thread seems resolved, more details come out. Sounds fishy to me.

If you know where you stand, why did you change your location from Idaho to "some where"?

I am going to have to call a troll alert here. Every time the thread seems resolved, more details come out. Sounds fishy to me.

Thanks for confirming my suspicions Steve. It all seems very Jerry Springer to me.


Sarah

If you know where you stand, why did you change your location from Idaho to "some where"?

I am going to have to call a troll alert here. Every time the thread seems resolved, more details come out. Sounds fishy to me.

The original location appeared to be very specific and I can understand changing it to just show Idaho. But I do wonder about the conmplete change. Especially when there is info in the thread that can be sued to pinpoint the location.

All of a sudden bringing up an incident of incest does make one wonder. But I think we have given the OP all the advice we can at this point. The next step is to deal with the courts. So I'm going to close this thread.