How do I get over my boyfriend addiction? It consumes me

I do not know. Why is it an addiction, why does it consume you? How long has it been over for? Please add more information to get better answers...

Is it that you jump from relationship to relationship? Or are you obsessed with one boyfriend in particular?

Sarah

Hmmm, is it a Boy friend addiction, or is it an addictionn to the feeling you get around him? Eh?

DO you love, respect, know, and be yourself? Think on that, it's very important to who you are.

Love, you see, is like a drug. In fact, I've read by one pychyatrist Norman Doidge, M.D. who says in his book "the brain that changes Itself", "Love i like the drug Cocain. When you are around the person you "love" you associate things to him, because he gives you a strong feeling of joy, euphoria. However, when, if, you splite up then you are no longer getting that Feeling because the chemical that causes that feeling is no longer being released by the brain. I believe the chemical is seritonin, and there is a neuro Transmitter released with it: Endorphines. When something is pleasing these are realeased into your brain and cause you to rememeber or associate things to your memory of him. So What happens when you stop seeing one aother is, you crave that "feeling" "he" gives you, or rather that you learned to associate with him. When you can't get it, you keep thinking of him, and then you produce an new chamical in the brain, this is dopamine (These chemicals are niether good nor bad, but neutral. If they aer unbalanced, then you are going to be upset or in pain, delutional, etc.). So when you think about being with him, you crave him because you want the seritonin, but you get dopamine which will give you some sense of joy, comfort, but it's deceptive. It just keeps draging oyu back to thinking of the thing you don't want to think of, because you want to feel good. There for like a drug.
Cocain works similarly. Every thing is great while an addict is high, well for them at least, but once they come off. They need that feeling back so they will do jsut about any thing for it. Even after getting clean they may walk past the ally where they regularly got thier fix, they maybe very strongly drawn to it, becvause they assoicated that place with that drug, which will yeild that feeling.
So, you find some one you "think" (dont' take that the wrong way, we all must think be fore we act. Though it's usually so fast we may not even notice.) you love and you get that dose of seritonin + endorphines and feel euphoric. YOu become addicted to that, and associate the feeling with the person. IF you split, then you become depressed, like withdrawls form a drug." I paraphrased, and some maybe a little mixed up, I'm kind of sleepy and distracted by my niece.

Time, and getting to know yourself, love yourself, and respect yorself, and to be yourself will help you get over him. The hard part is learning to ocupy yourself with other things and resist the urge to see, talk. Or be around him. Things that remind you of him, put them in a box and hid them. Get up get out, and do things you enjoy, go talk to friends and have fun. I highly advise you to stay away from alcohol as you are trying to rearange your brain, and that requires new brain cells, if you drink too much (in this case I might argure that as soon as you start to feel a "buzz" you are killing brain cells, hence the buzz.) you will need more time to get over him. Trust me, focus on things you like to do, other than drugs, alcohol is considered a drug by many Psych professionals.

I hope that helps you, I'm sorry if I was way off, but really, you gave us far too little info. IF you give us more, I may have more to tell.

May peace and kindness be with you.

Is it that you jump from relationship to relationship? Or are you obsessed with one boyfriend in particular?

Sarah

I am obsessed with only one boyfried

Hmmm, is it a Boy freind addiction, or is it an addictionn to the feeling you get around him? Eh??

DO you love, respect, know, and be yourself?? Think on that, it's very important to who you are.

Love, you see, is like a drug. Infact, I've read by one pychyatrist Norman Doidge, M.D., who says in his book "the brain that changes Itself", "Love i like the drug Cocain. When you are around the person you "love" you associate things to him, because he gives you a strong feeling of joy, euphoria. However, when, if, you splite up then you are no longer getting that Feeling because the chemical that causes that feeling is no longer being released by the brain. I believe the chemical is seritonin, and there is a neuro Transmitter released with it: Endorphines. When something is pleasing these are realeased into your brain and cause you to rememeber or associate things to your memory of him. So What happens when you stop seeing one aother is, you crave that "feeling" "he" gives you, or rather that you learned to associate with him. When you can't get it, you keep thinking of him, and then you produce an new chamical in the brain, this is dopamine (These chemicals are niether good nor bad, but neutral. If they aer unbalanced, then you are going to be upset or in pain, delutional, etc.). So when you think about being with him, you crave him because you want the seritonin, but you get dopamine which will give you some sense of joy, comfort, but it's deceptive. It just keeps draging oyu back to thinking of the thing you don't want to think of, because you want to feel good. There for like a drug.
Cocain works similarly. Every thing is great while an addict is high, well for them at least, but once they come off. They need that feeling back so they will do jsut about any thing for it. Even after getting clean they may walk past the ally where they regularly got thier fix, they maybe very strongly drawn to it, becvause they assoicated that place with that drug, which will yeild that feeling.
So, you find some one you "think" (dont' take that the wrong way, we all must think be fore we act. Though it's usually so fast we may not even notice.) you love and you get that dose of seritonin + endorphines and feel euphoric. YOu become addicted to that, and associate the feeling with the person. IF you split, then you become depressed, like withdrawls form a drug." I paraphrased, and some maybe a little mixed up, i'm kinda sleepy and distracted by my niece.

Time, and getting to know yourself, love yourself, and respect yorself, and to be yourself will help you get over him. The hard part is learning to ocupy youself with other things and resist the urge to see, talk. or be around him. Things that remind you of him, put them in a box and hid them. Get up get out, adn do things you enjoy, go talk to friends and have fun. I highly advise you to stay away from alcohol as you are trying to rearange your brain, and that requires new brain cells, if you drink too much (in this case i might argure that as soon as you start to feel a "buzz" you are killing brain cells, hence the buzz.) you will need more time to get over him. Trust me, focus on things you like to do, other than drugs, alcohol is considered a drug by many Psych professionals.

I hope that helps you, i'm sorry if I was way off, but really, you gave us far too little info. IF you give us more, i may have more to tell.

May peace and kindness be with you.

No I don't thin you were off at all... I just wish it wasn't true!

I do not know. Why is it an addiction, why does it consume you? How long has it been over for? Please add more information to get better answers...

I don't know why its an addiction but it sure feels like it! I don't know why it consumes me but it does. Its been over this time for 2 months.

I am obsessed with only one boyfried

Are you currently still dating him? How often do you see him?

Perhaps occupying your time doing productive things would help!
-Volunteering [great for a college/job application]
-Become a big sister [not sure if your of age]
-Getting a part time job


Sarah

Are you currently still dating him? How often do you see him?

Perhaps occupying your time doing productive things would help!
-Volunteering [great for a college/job application]
-Become a big sister [not sure if your of age]
-Getting a part time job


Sarah

Well I seen him twice last week. But he has said several times we were supposed to get together and then its like he never said it

How old are you?


Sarah

how old are you?


Sarah

41

Why does it seem like an addiction to you?

What do you define an addiction?

Sarah

Why does it seem like an addiction to you?

What do you define an addiction?

Sarah

Im depressed the whole time we aren't together. When I am with him Im content and happy and everything doesn't suck. He is always on my mind to the point it just drives me crazy! Everyywhere I go , everything reminds me of him. Its just ridiculous because its time to get over it already! He has left me alone through a lot of bad times. And I think about that all the time too but when we are together its like everything is forgiven until it happens again and then all the anger is back. I am always thinking what if? About everything!

Sounds a little co-dependent. Do you work? Do you have children? Have you been this way in past relationships- how did that work out?

What do you mean: He has left me alone through a lot of bad times.


More background information would really help =)

Sarah

Sounds a little co-dependent. Do you work? Do you have children? Have you been this way in past relationships- how did that work out?

What do you mean: He has left me alone through a lot of bad times.


More background information would really help =)

Sarah

Yes, I clean houses, and I have two kids, 20 and 23. I have not been like this in a past relationship.

I think then it's just because your in love, it's something new and exciting in your life. However it shouldn't take over.

Like I said do other things that'll benefit you!
-Volunteer at nursing homes, animal shelters, blood drives, charity events, etc.

-Go back to a vocational school and so you can move up in life!

-Start excercising: yoga, pilates, jogging or all the above.

-Socialize and meet new people!

Sarah

Im depressed the whole time we arent together. When I am with him Im content and happy and everything doesnt suck. He is always on my mind to the point it just drives me crazy! Everyywhere I go , everything reminds me of him. Its just rediculous because its time to get over it already! He has left me alone through a lot of bad times. and I think about that all the time too but when we are together its like everything is forgiven untill it happens again and then all the anger is back. I am always thinking what if? about everything!

Remember what I said about the drug stuff? Love is like Cocain. When we meet some one we "Love", we are given a boots of dopamine, and dopamine gives us that Euphoric, happy, joyous, love high.

When you are not around him, the dopamine stops, thus the depression. The longer the separation the deeper the depression.

"Ok, so we have a pleasure center located in the limbic system, a part of the brain heavily involved in processing emotion, and a Dr. Robert Heath did experiements on humans in this area. He took electrods, the brian doesn't have feeling, and put them into the septal region of the limbic system and turned it on, the patient would then expereince a powerful euphoria, so powerful that one patient pleaded with them not to stop. This same region fires up when plesent subjects were discussed and during orgasm. These pleasure centers were found to be part of the brain's reward system, the mesolimbic dopamine system.
When the pleasure center is turned on everything we experience gives us pleasure. Cocaine lowers the threshold at which our pleasure centers will fire, making it easier for them to turn on. The three reasons our pleasure center's thresholds are lowered are we do a drug like Cocaine, have a manic high (Manics, bipolar.), or we are in love.
If a person gets high on Cocaine, becomes manic, or falls in love, they enter an enthusiastic state and are optamistic about everything, because all three will lower the firing threshold for the appetitive pleasure system, the dopamine-based systemassociated with the pleasuree of aticipating something we desire. They are sensative to anything that may give them pleasure, and are filled with hopeful anticipation. Things like nature, flowers, grass, sunshine inspire them; small but thoughtful gestures alow them to delight in all man kind. Doidge, the writer of "the brain that changes it'self", calls this process "Globalization".
Globalization alows us to take more pleasure in the world, and inhibits pain, displeasure, or aversion. Things that normaly bother us, don't. We love being in love not only becuase it makes it easier for us to be happy but also because it makes it harder for us to be unhappy.
Globalization alows us to learn new things easier too; because when we are "in love" we are "happy, and it's harder to be unhappy, we like thigs we normally don't", and the dopamine helps the brain consolidate "Neuroplasticity". (plastic is the brians a bility to rearange it's neuro conections to accomidate, the addition of informaition, sub traction, brain damage, "Hemisphere-ectimy" (I'm not sure how to spell it, YouTube - Brain Plasticity (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSu9HGnlMV0)), and various other brain related issues.)

Freud once described the elated effects of cocaine to his fiancée, Martha, in letters. He says, he feels fearless, not fatigued, less shy, increased self esteem, no longer depressed, euphoric, enhances his energey, enthusiasm, and has an aphrodisiac effect. He was describing a state akin to "romantic intoxication". The book says in both cases, the Cocaine high, and "romantic Intoxication" may impare one's judgment. Recent fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) scans of lovers looking at photos of their sweethearts show that a part of the brain with great concentrations of dopamine is activated; their brains looked like those of people on cocaine.

When separated for too long, lovers crash and experience withdrawal, crave their beloved, get anxious, doubt themselves, lose their energy, and feel run-down if not depressed. Like a little fix a letter, and e-mail, or a telephone message from the beloved provides and instant shot for energy. Should they breake up, they get depressed- the opposite of the manic high...
After a time of being with some one, the brain doesn't produce that dopamine like before, if they adapt to well to each other. Dopamine likes novelty. (From NESTORAIN: Some people might say that their spouse/partner is too dull, but really they are just addicted to the unpredictability, and excitement that comes with exploration of a new place. You can do what you'd like here, but it may be wise to try and spice it up a bit, be random some times, spontanious, and take time away from one another so you both don't get "tired" of one another.) Dr.Doidge believes that this means their "plastic" brains have so well adapted to each other that it's harder for them to get the same buzz they once got from each other.
Dr. Doidge also suggests if this happens to inject novelty into the relationship. Try new activities together, or wear new kinds of clothing, surprise one another. Pretty much keep the brain working, entertained, and learning fresh new things." _ The brain that changes it'self by Dr. Norman Doidge M.D.

I hope that helps, I didn't quite quote the book, but I did paraphrase, and used some lines right from it. Those were just pages 113-116. There is so much more to this chaper on love, mind you it does go into details on porn addiction, sexual pervertions and how they may work/happen. Very interesting, as it is the chaper on Acquiring tastes and loves. Very interesting stuff, but if you're not into that, I guess not eh!:p;)
No worries eh, peace

I'd like to say, that love isn't always a good thing. Say if it's not mutual, or one partner is giving too much to the relationship, and so on.

Then again, my understanding of love is rather long winded and complicated.

You may be better focusing on yourself for a while, yes it will be hard; but as you focus on yourself, you may learn to appreciate being by yourself. Not forever, but just to give yourself a little freedom to do some things you may not have yet done..?

Any way, it is all your choice, and what you do is what you are meant to do, because you can't do anything but what you are doing in that moment.
Peace and kindness