I have never had sex before but will soon be meeting a man and we've decided to have sex together. I've never met him before, we've only spoken online. I've known him for quite a long time and feel quite safe about this. He's much older than me. Would it make sense to go through with this?

How old are you?

I would wait till a couple of meetings before you do anything sexual other than kissing. I mean for me I like to be dating the person before I get intimate in that way.

When talking to someone online, you never know what to expect when meeting the person. You never know if when you meet the guy, whether he will be that same way as he was when you talked online. I would be careful though when you meet him. I wouldn't go by myself.

Internet communication can be very misleading. What kind of site did you meet him on? You could be putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

I'm 18

This sounds to me like a child predator and you should tell your parents and/or police about this man.

Don't be so fast to have sex with some guy that, really you don't know...Because just knowing him online isn't like knowing him offline. He could be some old, nasty geez, he could be a serial killer, he could have STD's, there's a LOT you Really don't know...Even After meeting face to face, you should wait a while...

How long have you been chatting with him? Have you spoken on the phone? How old is he?

I would say about 80 percent of men who talk to women online lie, a large group are married and just want cheap or free sex with as many women as they can.

Others just chat and lie but never meet.

You never meet and have sex the first meeting, and you check them out, phone address, phone numbers where they work and more.

You asked a question in your post here, you said: "Would it make sense to go through with this?" No it would not make sense to go through with this in fact it could cost you your life at the most, and just less than that you could lose yourself esteem, and all of your pride in yourself.

Please do not meet this man.

I've known him for a long time and how he'll turn out to be is not the problem. Its been 10 months, and he'll be okay with it if there's no sexual stuff. But I'm really into sexual stuff and I like him a lot so I just won't be able to resist. I never wanted to have sex this young, but... not able to help it. Tried earlier and couldn't do it 'cause of the pain. The 'first time' factor is the problem.

You said he is much older... how old is he?

I’ve known him for a long time and how he’ll turn out to be is not the problem. Its been 10 months, and he’ll be okay with it if there’s no sexual stuff. But I’m really into sexual stuff and I like him a lot so I just won’t be able to resist. I never wanted to have sex this young, but... not able to help it. Tried earlier and couldn’t do it ‘cause of the pain. The ‘first time’ factor is the problem.

Oh, he's 35

No, you have not "KNOWN" him at all, you have only chatted online, that is talking but that is not knowing them.

I have been there and done the dating online, over 40 percent of the ladies I meet online had all lied about things when I finally meet them or searched their background

You originally asked if we thought it made sense. I will say no - it does not make sense for you to do this. You have no idea who he really is or what his intentions are. The internet allows people to pretend to be things that they are not.

All right, I am not here to figure out if he's right or not. That's just demeaning and disrespectful towards him. It was just sexual thing that I was worried about.
Anyway, way to be melodramatic people :P

alright, I am not here to figure out if he's right or not. that's just demeaning and disrespectful towards him. It was just sexual thing that I was worried about.
anyways, way to be melodramatic people :P

It's not being melodramatic, it's being REAL. This is the real world now, sexual predators, pedophiles, serial killers. They all prey on the innocent, many of them on online communities and chat rooms.

This is how real life is now. If you are planning on meeting this man, do it in a public place, let friends and/or family know where you are. Do NOT meet this man for the first time in a private place.

I'm not telling friends about it since age factor makes it a problem. I will meet him in a public place though...

I'm not telling friends about it since age factor makes it a problem. I will meet him in a public place though....

You are still putting yourself at a huge risk. If age factor is a problem, then that is a big RED FLAG that this relationship is wrong. You should want to, and be able to, share your relationships with your friends and family.

All right, peace out folks, you all watching too many day time soups/ talkshows :P

Why would you want your first sexual experience to be with a stranger? :confused:

Its not a stranger. I've thought about it and I really feel safe with him.

How can you feel safe with someone you've never been around?

You asked if it made sense and everyone here told you No and advised against this plan. You seem to have your mind made up regardless of the advice you were given, so why are you really here?

I do have my mind made up about meeting him because I really want to and that wasn't my query. I need to know weather having sex at this age would seem right? Its painful, and I have moral ideas about why I don't want to do it.. but my needs contradict that... so, I don't know where to go with that. Just deciding not to have sex doesn't work for how sexually driven I am.

I do have my mind made up about meeting him because I really want to and that wasn't my query. I need to know weather having sex at this age would seem right? its painful, and I have moral ideas about why I don't want to do it.. but my needs contradict that....so, I don't know where to go with that. just deciding not to have sex doesn't work for how sexually driven I am.

Dear teened,
Please know that when you post something like this here, you will not only get a black or white answer. We will address all the issues that affect the answer. So yes, we have all addressed meeting someone from the 'net and the obvious safety issues.

Now that we have that out of the way when you talk about meeting him and having sex with him right away, that poses new questions for us. Because meeting someone on the net and deciding to make the relationship sexual right away shows a lack of self-esteem. It seems that you may be letting your hormones get the best of you. Those pesky hormones don't always lead us down the right path and can cause us a world of hurt if we let them rule.

Now you say you wonder if having sex now is the right thing for you because of your age. You stated that you're 18 so you're able to make that decision for yourself. The fact that you have doubts tells me that you shouldn't do it. Your first sexual experience should be special. You say you have moral contradictions about the situation. So basically your body is saying one thing and your soul is saying something different. Again those pesky hormones are at it again. After it's over you have to live with yourself and the decision that you've made. One might I add, that can't be taken back.

The fact that you even used the specific word moral says a lot about you. It means somewhere down the road someone taught you what's right and wrong and based on that upbringing you are questioning this decision. I understand feeling like you can't wait but listen to your gut. Again, if we even make it past the physical dangers of meeting someone for the first time from the internet, what about the emotional consequences?

The decision to become intimate with someone is not something that should be taken lightly. There are a number of possible consequences that must be considered (pregnancy, STDs, emotional trauma/distress). You need to make sure that you are prepared... are you ready to be a mother? What happens to this guy after you two have sex? When will it be OK to introduce him to your family & friends? These are just some of the questions you should ask yourself...

You chat a guy up who's nearly twice your age, you decide to meet him for sex, and you're worried that it might hurt?

It could hurt all right. Perhaps he has a wife and children? A few STD's? A criminal record? Untreated mental illness? Impulsive anger?

These are not things you are going to know ahead of time because you've met him online. To the contrary, people with those traits come across as the opposite, because they won't get what they want if they do tell the truth.

What you are trusting is the unknown and you have chosen to meet him for sex.

While I'm between watching my soaps here, is there any particular reason why you don't have sex with people your own age?

Is it that he is anonymous?

I just HAD to add this...

YouTube - Brad Paisley - Online (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GcVnhNjWV0)

NO IT DOES NOT SOUND LIKE A GOOD IDEA. Your 18 still young enjoy your years. And don't caught up with sex. You're a virgin, keep it that way. Find some one you really and truly in heart love and know personally, Cause once you do the deed there's no going back.
P.S. Love making isn't something that is planned, Sex is. Which one would you prefer?

I am simply demeaning my relationship with him by representing him as something bad here. I really appreciate you all for giving your responses, that's very kind. Thank you.

You are simply demeaning yourself period. By having sex with a guy almost twice your age, whom you have never met, and no, talking to him over the internet for 10 months does not equate meeting him.

You don't know this man. Period. He could very easily be misrepresenting himself to sucker you in. It's not this first time this has happened, and won't be the last.

Thank God we have the Amber Alert for girls like you who go missing with men like him.

Okay J_9, haha, what a funny video. That doesn't apply. I've seen him and know him and his family and everything aobut his life which is not misrepresented to something rosy at all. I am going to meet him 'cause he's been a great friend to me. When we met I was a wrecked up person and he was really nice. Even now taking away the issue of sex doesn't really ruin things for us. We'd still be thick friends. I'm just worried about the contradiction in myself about having sex, which him or at all, and with waiting, which seems to demand a lot of courage out of me.

okay J_9, haha, what a funny video. That doesn't apply. I've seen him and know him and his family and everything aobut his life which is not misrepresented to something rosy at all. I am going to meet him 'cause he's been a great friend to me. When we met I was a wrecked up person and he was really nice. Even now taking away the issue of sex doesn't really ruin things for us. We'd still be thick friends. I'm just worried about the contradiction in myself about having sex, which him or at all, and with waiting, which seems to demand a lot of courage out of me.

You say you've seen him... So you have met him in person then? Or have you heard of PhotoShop?


when we met I was a wrecked up person

This is what they do. They prey on young girls with problems, present themselves as the hero, save you, and voilà, you two are off having sex. He gets what he wants and you end up with an unwanted pregnancy, a STD, a bitter wife, or worse... dead.

Look, I'm not innocent, I am a mother, I am old enough to be your mother. I am a survivor of an internet predator. I am also the friend of a girl who came up missing over 25 years ago and has never been found. Just Google Deanie Peters. She was my friend.

I suppose we are just wasting our breath here. You are going to do what you want to do, whether it's safe or not. I just hope your parents have life insurance or medical insurance on you.

Okay so, I've seen him via messenger, know people my age who know him 'cause he went to that uni, know his addresses, his family and can verify that stuff in any way. I chat online too, I've known other good people who do... its not like everyone online is there for prying.
I don't intend on having sex if it doesn't feel good when I meet him, but I am going to be meeting him. I just don't know about having sex.
I've wanted to wait till I get married. I am in trouble with faith and don't know where to look for direction. Just wouldn't know how to hold off.

If you know people your age who know him, why aren't you willing to take them with you?

Okay, I'm done with this. You are 18 and you think you are bulletproof... You belong to the "it won't happen to me" age. I've raised 2 and am raising a third in that age group right now.

Let me tell you hun, bad things do happen to good people.

Now, go on, have your fun with this freak. No man of his age should be attempting to have an affair with a girl your age unless he has a sick mind.

He's not attempting an affair. He wouldn't be bothered at all with no sex. And people my age at his uni are not the problem. It's the ones I my uni I don't want to tell, I have friends who directly know my parents and that won't work well. He's not sick, liking me is not 'cause of my age. Anyway, thanks for the concern, I see your point.

I'm glad you see my point, but you are still going to go through with it aren't you?

If I were your parents I would lock up your computer, take your cell phone, and find this creep and have him arrested.

Oh, yeah, and let me guess. You are very mature for your age right? Do you have any idea how many times we here this?

Men of this age are out for one thing and one thing only from girls your age. I'm sure you can guess what it will be.

Oh, and he works at a Uni? Well, do you know what this could do to his job? Do you care?

Now, again. You are going to do what you want to do. But before you do, make a doctors appointment for afterward for a STD checkup and a pregnancy checkup.

You 18 ,him 35,secret relationship
It looks kind of fishy, otherwise you wouldn't be here.
I'm 32 male,single, alone and still don't understand his intentions with you are other than take advantage of the situation, I know age doesn't matter I was pursuing a 23 year old women and I didn't have a problem meetings her friends or family,if he is good like you think,you should date him first get to know him and go from there.

okay so, I've seen him via messenger, know people my age who know him 'cause he went to that uni, know his addresses, his family and can verify that stuff in any way. I chat online too, I've known other good people who do...its not like everyone online is there for prying.
I dont intend on having sex if it doesn't feel good when I meet him, but I am going to be meeting him. I just don't nkow about having sex.
I've wanted to wait till I get married. I am in trouble with faith and don't know where to look for direction. Just wouldn't know how to hold off.

internet dating Dangers : dating on the internet- Before you start internet dating what to watch out for, what to beware of! (http://www.dangersofinternetdating.com/)
Internet Dating Stories: Strange Relationships (http://www.internetdatingstories.com/stories/index.php?category=4)
Internet date led to rape, N.H. police say - The Boston Globe (http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2006/11/30/internet_date_led_to_rape_nh_police_say/)


I could go on! I hope you are educated enough to know what you THINK you are getting into.
A man that age is looking to hook up with a girl your age is interested in one thing.
Yes,he was there for you.That is a common manipulation tool to get you to trust him.Sometimes these creeps will string their prey along for months to achieve their goal.Especially if they have found someone who is confused and naïve,as you are ! It is no soap opera ,it is real life.
If you are having problems with faith,speak to a minister.
Listen to what people are telling you,you are making a huge mistake and it could be deadly!

Dinkle Dorf.

Hello, You keep saying you know this person, but you do not. Online, it could be anybody. You do not have sex with a person you do not know. The person could have Aids/ Hep, and many other things. This person is much older. It could be a sex predator as others have mentioned. Or this person could be a murderer, anything.

Joe

Edit: You have been warned. You have been answered that this is not good.

you 18 ,him 35,secret relationship
it looks kind of fishy, otherwise you wouldn't be here.
I'm 32 male,single, alone and still don't understand his intentions with you are other than take advantage of the situation, I know age doesnt matter I was pursuing a 23 year old women and I didn't have a problem meetings her friends or family,if he is good like you think,you should date him first get to know him and go from there.

That's a really good point too.

Why is he anonymous. I asked that once before, and you haven't answered.

Please tell me you will reconsider your decision.

Obviously you have made up your mind to meet him. I hope you choose to meet him in a public place. I hope you do not leave with him.

As for having sex... for now just make the decision to not have sex the first time you meet with him. You say that you are a very sexual person... so is everyone. I understand that your hormones are racing and you are horny all the time. There are other ways to satisfy your sexual needs. If a true, live (not computer) relationship does develop with this guy, then you will be glad that you did not have sex right away. Part of what makes sex great is when you wait awhile and let the tension build between the two of you.

So for now, be safe when meeting him or any other guy. You think that we are personally attacking and disrespecting him, but the sad reality of life is that men can hurt women. 1 in 6 women get raped or date raped in their life time. Women 18-22 are 4 times more likely to get raped than any other age group. 73% of women raped know their attacker. Every day women are attacked, beaten and even murdered. You have called us melodramatic, but these things can and do happen. I know, my best friend was murdered by a man she trusted.

Just take care of yourself. You can't be afraid to live life or get involved with men, but you should always make your personal safety a priority.

WHy does this sound like a trap, I hope that she's OK, you should let people know where you two will be meeting up. Good luck.

Very good suggestion, excellent.

A friend of mine is on a dating site, and occasionally she meets a man for a date at a coffee shop-local.

We have his name, his cell phone number, his screen name, and often her sister and myself will also go in the coffee shop for coffee while she's there, and pretend not to know her.

A backup plan is really sensible. I hope she reads that and does it.

He's not anonymus, I know most everything about it. And as I said, I'm not planning on having sex with him on the first meet. Our plan to meet was solely based on spending some time together. And that is still the main point, except that since I've known him for so long I've developed that intimacy with him. I suppose all this makes sense and I'll beware. I can't take a friend from my campus but I'll let someone know where I am... I anyway intend on spending the first night in my room itself.

He had the same major as me in college and that's how we got to talking.

He's not anonymus, I know most everything about it. And as I said, I'm not planning on having sex with him on the first meet. Our plan to meet was solely based on spending some time together. And that is still the main point, except that since I've known him for so long I've developed that intimacy with him. I suppose all this makes sense and I'll beware. I can't take a friend from my campus but I'll let someone know where I am....I anyway intend on spending the first night in my room itself.

He had the same major as me in college and that's how we got to talking.

Dinkle Dorf,

Your clueless and have not listened to a word anybody has said. Your very first post you said your meeting up with the guy for the first time to have sex with him. You do not know him at all. You have no idea about him. You seem child like. Sorry to say your not mature enough to have any kind of relationship, that is a fact. BACK UP PLAN IS IMPORTANT. AT LEAST HAVE SOMEBODY ELSE THERE WITH YOU. SINCE YOUR SO DETERMINED TO DO THIS. LET US KNOW HOW IT GOES, EH.

All right... its far right now... june I guess... shall let you all know how it goes :P

He's not anonymus, I know most everything about it. And as I said, I'm not planning on having sex with him on the first meet. Our plan to meet was solely based on spending some time together. And that is still the main point, except that since I've known him for so long I've developed that intimacy with him. I suppose all this makes sense and I'll beware. I can't take a friend from my campus but I'll let someone know where I am....I anyway intend on spending the first night in my room itself.

He had the same major as me in college and that's how we got to talking.

I have a scenario for you.
You meet in a mall,he knows what kind of car you drive.
You have coffee,you leave the mall and now there are two men who hustle you into your car and drive off with you.

Do you think people who are trying to kidnap girls and make them sex slaves or whatever ,say * Oh by the way,I am a pervert who has done this before and I know how to get away with it.*. Not likely.

There are sites out there for pedophiles that actually instruct them in how to lure in prey ,how to win trust,how to make a person feel like you are their savior.They target confused and lonely people.

You have most likely given him some indication that you are willing to be sexual and he may not take kindly to you saying no.What if he becomes aggressive ,what are you going to do to protect yourself?

I pray we are all wrong but it just sounds bad.I am 54 yr.old and I know a lot more about life than you do.I have always had good instincts and my instincts say this smells rotten.

Oh my God, its just about the height of exageration. Quit it you all... haha... I was just telling him about this on the phone. Anywys... your all coming from a set mindset preached in too many talk shows or whatever. I'm not checking back on this postt now. Will let you know in June, adios.

oh my God, its just about the height of exageration. Quit it you all... haha... I was just telling him about this on the phone. Anywys... your all coming from a set mindset preached in too many talk shows or whatever. I'm not checking back on this postt now. Will let you know in June, adios.

Did you REALLY think he would tell you if he was a bad guy?
C'mon get your head out of the clouds and be real.
I am confidant you are mimicking him when you say

set mindset preached in too many talk shows or whatever.
I bet you he said that!

oh my God, its just about the hieght of exageration. quit it you all...haha...I was just telling him about this on the phone. anywys...your all coming from a set mindset preached in too many talk shows or whatever. I'm not checking back on this postt now. Will let ya know in June, adios.

Oh we'll be on the edge of our seats. :rolleyes:

Let me look forward and predict how your post in June will go.

"Hi everyone, I met up with my internet lover, turns out he's a 45 year old that's listed as a sex predator, apparently he likes younger women, can't help himself. We had sex, it was okay I guess, but now I have crabs and I'm pregnant and he won't return my calls. What should I do? Oh ya, the last time I called his 20 year old daughter answered the phone, said he was out with his wife. I should have listened, but you know, I'm 18, I know everything, or so I thought"

See, now you don't have to update for us, I did it for you.

Good luck.

Oh we'll be on the edge of our seats. :rolleyes:

Let me look forward and predict how your post in June will go.

"Hi everyone, I met up with my internet lover, turns out he's a 45 year old that's listed as a sex predator, apparently he likes younger women, can't help himself. We had sex, it was okay I guess, but now I have crabs and I'm pregnant and he won't return my calls. What should I do? Oh ya, the last time I called his 20 year old daughter answered the phone, said he was out with his wife. I should have listened, but you know, I'm 18, I know everything, or so I thought"

See, now you don't have to update for us, I did it for you.

Good luck.

Had to spread the rep, Alty... but very good.

Of course, that's assuming she'll still be alive in June to give an update.. not stuffed in a trash can somewhere, bruised, bloody and naked.


Oh my, look who's viewing the thread that she said she wasn't going to check on anymore...

I think you should be very careful who you meet with and talking to someone online is true I met a guy online and he is different in person . We didn't have sex we met at the mall just nbecareful he acted as if he was watching the world like he was going to get caught. If he just wants you for sex tell him to take a hike.

Hmm...

Yeah. I guess my wife being raped by a guy ten years older than her when she was just under your age, a guy she "knew" well for about a year and then who jumped on the first chance he had with her alone, that's the crap of soap opera stuff and fluff. Paranoid BS. Ill let her know that the sleeping with a gun under her bed for two years was really stupid 'cause you said so.

Look... I dated a girl who, at 18, "dated" and had sex with a guy over ten years older than her (and married) and it didn't turn into all hell breaking loose. But I can tell you this much...

You, yourself, asked if it made sense.

The resounding answer has been "no"... but you aren't interested in answers that don't validate your own position or prop you up.

Please don't come back until you are legitimately interested. Anything else is a waste of time and site resources.

You seem hell bent on his using you and your letting him. You are an "adult" technically. Even a bad choice is still your choice, I guess.

Had to spread the rep KP, but I agree 110%.

Sadly this is another case of "I want answers, but only if they jive with what I want to hear".

Sometimes people have to make their own mistakes, hopefully live to learn from them, move on and make better choices.

We all know this is a bad idea, but the OP is hell bent on proving us wrong.

What do we know? We're only older and wiser, lived life, learned from our mistakes. Heck, we don't know diddly squat.

Had to spread the rep KP, but I agree 110%.

Sadly this is another case of "I want answers, but only if they jive with what I want to hear".

Sometimes people have to make their own mistakes, hopefully live to learn from them, move on and make better choices.

We all know this is a bad idea, but the OP is hell bent on proving us wrong.

What do we know? We're only older and wiser, lived life, learned from our mistakes. Heck, we don't know diddly squat.

Hay I beg to differ.. I do know diddly squat.. its a dance right :p

Hay I beg to differ ..I do know diddly squat..its a dance right :p

It's when you pee outdoors Artsy. That's the diddly squat. Jeesh. ;) :p

Well, isn't this just such a timely question! I just got finished watching an episode of "Dateline 48 hrs. Mystery." There was a young girl, about your age, that met an older guy online. They knew each other for about a yr. and she was very close to his family online. Her parents even talked to "his family" online! She and this guy talked to each other on a weekly basis on the phone, and texted each other throughout the day! They mailed gifts to one another, and kept on talking about the wonderful romantic things they were going to do when they had their face to face meeting. This man said he was a successful real estate agent, and had graduated from university in the top five in his class, and even sent a copy of his diploma to this young girl.

Well, you can likely guess that since it was on TV, that this wasn't a happy ending! She was found in a remote location, raped... severly beaten... and DEAD!

I know you think that you KNOW this guy. YOU DON'T!! But since you seem hell bent on meeting him anyway, and since you've already told him the responses you've gotten here, he just may be planning his next steps. You've now forewarned him. He knows you are questioning this, so he needs to step up his game!

There is no normal 35 yr. old man, that will meet a barely 18 yr. old girl online, and be willing to have sex with you. You are in so much danger, and you can't even see it! The fact that you can't see it is very concerning to me. I'm wondering why you can't meet someone your own age where you live? Why do you, at 18, have to meet someone on the internet? There is something wrong with this picture, especially when this is with a 35 yr. old man, who claims to work at a college amongst other young girls. Doesn't something smell fishy there to you? It sure smells where I am!

You asked this question for a reason. Ask yourself the reason you felt the need to ask it. Is it because your gut is telling you that something isn't right? That is OBVIOUS! So listen to your GUT! It is trying to tell you something!

I also wonder why yourself esteem, self confidence, and self pride/worth are so low, that this is something you would even consider. I think this should be the first thing you would be looking at. Maybe instead of spending time on the computer talking to him, you should be spending time working on yourself and googling a few help sites, so you can feel better about yourself. Better yet, get yourself involved in other things, so you don't have to worry about having sex with a 35 yr. old man.

... and finally. Where is it that you would possibly think this "relationship" would go, even if he turned out to be a straight up guy? Is it just the sex thing? What are you in this for? Do you think you'll just meet this guy and have sex a few times and he'll just go away? Do you think that you'll meet him and if you decide not to have sex, that he'll just go away? Do you think he won't feel slighted if you dump him and he will not "just go away?"

People here have been ripping their hair out trying to tell you! He will not just go away... but YOU MIGHT!

Look folks, she has made her mind up even before she asked he question. We can only hope and pray that in June she will come back alive or in one (mental) piece.

As we adults know, this is an accident waiting to happen. But apparently some children, yes, I said children, have to learn from their own mistakes and not listen to the more experienced people.

It's not going to be all peaches and cream the way the OP expects, but again, she has her mind made up. We can only hope and pray for her safety.

Closed. The OP stated she isn't going to be back to check answers anyway, if she wasn't a troll to begin with.

Hope she's safe and all, but you simply cannot cure stupid.