I'm 17 and have already have tons of piercings and done most of them by myself actually, but It's been about 2 years now since I've really wanted my septum pierced and can't find anybody to do it without needing an I.D. So I have decided to do it on my own. This particular piercing though scares me a little when it comes to doing it yourself. Any suggestions as to what type of needle to use, what to clean it with, or anything else. Thanks. And please don't reply to this saying stupid things like gross, or don't do it.

Hey man!
I just got mine done in a shop last night. Definitely hurts, I'd compare it to my labret. Same sting and everything. But for you question though, get on eBay. Sounds bad, but seriously.. they have complete septum kits. All comes in sterile packs like they use in the shops, if you look.. you can also find these kits with DIY instructions.
The average kit on there will come with steel forceps (or some people call them the clamps), the 14g piercing needle, the jewellery, and aftercare instructions. Which is why I said to look for one with the instructions for the piercing. They do offer specific kits there. Do NOT buy anything that isn't shown inside the little blue/white packages. Everything should be.. they'll run you about 9 bucks, 7 if your lucky.
Words of advice:
No anti-biotic ointment, you WANT those germs there... its your bodys' way of healing itself.
Try to stay away from 16g, the guy who did mine says the body reacts better to the 14's and most peoples' bodies look at 16s "like a thorn it wants to rid of". It CAN create healing problems. So if you're wanting a 16, pierce it with a 14 and put a 16 ring in AFTER it's finished healing.
For the lubricant, you want it on the end of the needle and on the jewelry tip to help it slide more easily through. If you're doing it at home and the kit doesn't include some, personally I recommend A+D ointment (like the kind you put on baby bottoms) because it will add to the piercing and not try to disinfect it. (I've used it on 3 different labrets.. my husband once, my dumbass brother twice*he took it out and didn't get another in in time* but am I in no way licensed or a professional) It works pretty damn well.
Oh... and the cork goes on the end of the needle while you get the jewelry in line.. *LOL* took me a few to understand what that was for HAH..
Good Luck Man... (remember... breathe in, breathe out slowly and push the needle through while your breathing out... helps with the pain and the nerves... really, it does)