Chadsa
Apr 10, 2009, 03:39 PM
I was introduced to this girl by a mutual guy friend last Nov. who we both have only known for a few months and ride the same train into the city each day. Around Jan we all went to happy hour and then she invited me back to her place and we started “hanging out” for a few weeks, texting, being intimate, etc. We played our “relationship” off as “train buddies” and joked about it. During our times hanging out, there were some things that I questioned in my mind about her. She owns a house with her ex boyfriend (he lives downstairs, she lives upstairs). They party together all the time and she only hangs out with her “guy friends”, she does not have any girl friends, says she hates them and they are annoying. She also is into some hard drugs, (nose candy) specifically and she does it regularly with her ex who she lives with and the other guys. They did it right in front of me the first night I went back to her place. Within 10 min of us getting there her ex came up and laid it on the table and she went at it like nothing was wrong with it, kind of like she was proud to do it.
During our few weeks together she was saying things to me like you would think we have been together for ever. She mentioned that she had a crush on me hence the reason why she had our mutual friend set up the happy hour for our first meeting. After a few weeks for a 4 day period she declined to hang out but was still texting. So I text her and said I may be getting a vibe you don’t want to hang out. She flipped and said that my actions were to her that I only wanted sex and instead of having me over there to just hang out, she needed a break. I txt back and said that this was not the case. Very next day I saw her on train, just said hey what’s up. She txt me after that and said that it was awkward and she didn’t want it to be that way. The next day same thing happened and I txt her and said it was awkward and let’s have a quick chat. She then txt me and said why do I have to keep bringing it up and there is nothing to talk about. A few texts went back between us for two weeks. I left her a vm to see if she wanted to grab a bite to eat and maybe I could get to know her better and prove I was not in it for the sex, she declined via txt. During Feb, I tried to reach out a few times with minimal response, however you would think that me reaching out so many times that she would get the picture that her original “theory” was incorrect being that I only wanted sex. I wrote her a nice email to tell her my point of view and apologized for anything that I may have done. No response, so I shot her one last text the end of Feb and she said that if the letter made me feel better than she was happy. I then txt her a week later and said if you don’t want me txting you once in a while to see how you are doing, let me know. She responded and said it’s cool. March I saw her twice at the station, once she was with her “guy friend” (NOT the one that introduced us) I just said good morning, she smiled. Next time she just raised her hand with a quick hi and then walked across the street. I text her about a week later to ask how she was since I have not talked to her in over a month and she never responded. I then text her and said I accept that you don’t want any contact with me but in the future if you need anything please feel free to reach out to me as I will help any way that I can.
Our guy friend that introduced us does not really know her as well as me (the issues); however he does know we were hanging out now we are not. I have made it a point not to txt her or run into her on the train for the past 2 weeks. Why is she being so rude, etc? She did mention when we first met that “when she is done with a guy she is done, and there is nothing to talk about” So then why is she still friends with all her ex’s and living with one? If for some reason she takes home the early train she will sit in the front and make sure she is the first one out so that she won’t run into me. So looking back at this whole situation I really feel this is for the best that we did not pursue this any further and a part of me is glad BUT I do care about her well being as I feel that she does not have a good support group around her, ex’s giving her harsh stuff and her doing drugs with her guy friends, parents in assisted living etc, really no one to turn to other then “guy friends”.
Even though she is acting like this, I do want to try and patch up our friendship so that our mutual friend does not have to “share” time talking with either of us at the train station or feel uncomfortable. I also get the assumption that she may have told one of her guy friends at the station that I am “the annoying guy”. I just want to be able to run into her and have her not be afraid or either of us feel awkward. It’s a small station and we all own houses so we are not going anywhere anytime soon. Big update, today on the train by all odds I got out very early and she was on my train (go figure), she saw me between the doors and I saw her, but I just put my head down and got off first and then walked to my building as I was holding up my word when I last txt her and told her that I would not contact her anymore. Advice?
Thanks
Chad
During our few weeks together she was saying things to me like you would think we have been together for ever. She mentioned that she had a crush on me hence the reason why she had our mutual friend set up the happy hour for our first meeting. After a few weeks for a 4 day period she declined to hang out but was still texting. So I text her and said I may be getting a vibe you don’t want to hang out. She flipped and said that my actions were to her that I only wanted sex and instead of having me over there to just hang out, she needed a break. I txt back and said that this was not the case. Very next day I saw her on train, just said hey what’s up. She txt me after that and said that it was awkward and she didn’t want it to be that way. The next day same thing happened and I txt her and said it was awkward and let’s have a quick chat. She then txt me and said why do I have to keep bringing it up and there is nothing to talk about. A few texts went back between us for two weeks. I left her a vm to see if she wanted to grab a bite to eat and maybe I could get to know her better and prove I was not in it for the sex, she declined via txt. During Feb, I tried to reach out a few times with minimal response, however you would think that me reaching out so many times that she would get the picture that her original “theory” was incorrect being that I only wanted sex. I wrote her a nice email to tell her my point of view and apologized for anything that I may have done. No response, so I shot her one last text the end of Feb and she said that if the letter made me feel better than she was happy. I then txt her a week later and said if you don’t want me txting you once in a while to see how you are doing, let me know. She responded and said it’s cool. March I saw her twice at the station, once she was with her “guy friend” (NOT the one that introduced us) I just said good morning, she smiled. Next time she just raised her hand with a quick hi and then walked across the street. I text her about a week later to ask how she was since I have not talked to her in over a month and she never responded. I then text her and said I accept that you don’t want any contact with me but in the future if you need anything please feel free to reach out to me as I will help any way that I can.
Our guy friend that introduced us does not really know her as well as me (the issues); however he does know we were hanging out now we are not. I have made it a point not to txt her or run into her on the train for the past 2 weeks. Why is she being so rude, etc? She did mention when we first met that “when she is done with a guy she is done, and there is nothing to talk about” So then why is she still friends with all her ex’s and living with one? If for some reason she takes home the early train she will sit in the front and make sure she is the first one out so that she won’t run into me. So looking back at this whole situation I really feel this is for the best that we did not pursue this any further and a part of me is glad BUT I do care about her well being as I feel that she does not have a good support group around her, ex’s giving her harsh stuff and her doing drugs with her guy friends, parents in assisted living etc, really no one to turn to other then “guy friends”.
Even though she is acting like this, I do want to try and patch up our friendship so that our mutual friend does not have to “share” time talking with either of us at the train station or feel uncomfortable. I also get the assumption that she may have told one of her guy friends at the station that I am “the annoying guy”. I just want to be able to run into her and have her not be afraid or either of us feel awkward. It’s a small station and we all own houses so we are not going anywhere anytime soon. Big update, today on the train by all odds I got out very early and she was on my train (go figure), she saw me between the doors and I saw her, but I just put my head down and got off first and then walked to my building as I was holding up my word when I last txt her and told her that I would not contact her anymore. Advice?
Thanks
Chad