My father passed away 3 days after my little girl was born. She is now 9 months old and I'm still crying all the time. Everyone tells me it's cause I'm in a depression but I know it's not a depression. I'm not in a state of harming myself or others. I'm healthy, just when I'm alone and there is no one to keep me occupied like at night when I don't sleep I cry all the time. Any tips or tricks anyone can give me. I feel so guilty about my father passing because it's almost like he was waiting for my little girl to be born. He died the night I got out of the hospital he waited for me to get home to call and let him know I was OK and at home with his grandchild and afterwards he went to bed and never woke up. I really need help. I got to change my mind on things but sometimes it's just to hard. I had been doing good for a while well about a month until I lost my 1 month old cousin and it braught everything back? Any idea?? Tips or trick that may help me feell better

I am sorry that you lost your father, my heart goes to you.

Overcoming the loss of losing a loved one in death is never easy. In fact, many people never actually overcome it. Try living in there memory and just say to yourself that "he wants me to be happy and to carry on in life". Always remember there's always tomorrow and everyday it will get better for you.

If you need create a support group or talk with friends and family members. Your not alone in this long road ahead and it will get better for you. Just live one day at a time. Pray and ask God, Allah, Buddha, or whomever you worship for some comfort and live in there memory [if you are religious].

Never think about the bad times think about the good times, You will be able to see that life goes on and you will feel better. Also keep your father's memory close to you and to your heart. If it helps tell him you love them every day.


MRS.S

Sorry about your father passing.

I want to start by telling you that being depress doesn' mean your going harm yourself or others- that is consider being sucidal.

When my grandmother passed away it was one of the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. My griefing turned into anger, frustration, and then depeession. I was on a rollercoaster ride of emotions.
I isolated myself from others(family and friends) until I couldn't take it more.

I got myself into counseling and it helped me a lot. I learned to cope with it instead of trying to make the pain go away.

One thing I did that helped me was writing a release letter to my grandma. I wrote about all my favorite memories of her and all the things I wanted to expressed to her. After I wrote the letter I took it to her grave and I felt a lot better.

Maybe you can do something similar but seeing a grief counselor is a good idea.

I wish you well on your healing and remember take it one day at a time.

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss.

Everyone needs to recover differently, so it's not easy for others to give you advice, so they just say that you are depressed. I'm a guy, so it might be different for me, but I didn't talk about my feelings to anyone, because no one can help us recover from something like this. They can listen to you and offer suggestions, but they will never feel what we feel, because everyone feels the pain differently even though it's the same loss.

What I can do is tell you my experience. I don't think we ever completely heal, but we can accept and move on with our lives. My grandfather died in the summer, so it is fairly recent as well. Here are some pointers:

1) Is there some sort of closure that you are waiting for (that you might not be aware of)?

2) You don't need to avoid the issue, just face it head on. By facing it, you can overcome it. If you avoid it, it will still be there and you're just dragging out the healing process.

3) If you need to cry, then cry. Just let out the emotions, you don't need to keep it bottled inside. You just need to find a right time and place to let it out though.

4) I think what really helped me was that I only focused on the good times with my grandfather. Remember what your father told you. For example, my grandfather always told me to study hard in school. He wants me to get a good job and have a good life. So that's what I'm focusing on. You honor them by doing what they wanted you to do.

I'm just giving you ideas from my experience. Ultimately you will find your own ideas on how to recover.

As someone else mentioned, you have a misconception of what depression is. You have to ask yourself, why are you crying all the time when you are alone. My guess is that you are dwelling on the sadness. Time truly can heal all wounds, but not if you constantly dwell on them. It's like picking a scab, it will never heal that way. That is depression, and you may want to consult a professional if you can't work it out on your own. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

I think a big part of the problem is that you feel guilty. When you have no reason to. There are certain things that we have absolutely no control over. This is just a fact of life. If your father hung on a few days longer just to make sure that you and your daughter were healthy, then I'm sure that he was happy with that.

You really don't want to forget, you just don't want to dwell on the loss. You will always want to keep the fond memories with you. If you dwell on anything, let it be those. You have to accept that you had absolutely no control over what happened. As others have mentioned you may still be in need of some closure. Maybe there are things that you wish you could have said to him, or things that you want to talk to him about. Maybe you just want to reminisce about some fond memories. At those times when you are alone, say them. Say them out loud as if he were there listening. If he had a funny quirk that you happen to think about, say something. Maybe make a joke of it. Tell him of something funny your daughter did today. You may laugh, smile and cry all at the same time, but you are letting things out instead of bottling them up.

Keep busy. I'm sure that your daughter keeps you busy enough, but it sounds like you have a lot of downtime where you just sit and dwell on things. Try to find things to fill the void. Maybe pick up a hobby, or rent movies. Not to ignore the thoughts, but to cut down on the time you spend dwelling on things. When thoughts pop into your head acknowledge them. Maybe tell him that you think he would have liked (or hated) that movie. Then continue on with what you were doing.

I can only speak from personal experience. Unfortunately there is no one-size-fits-all plan that works for everybody. It is natural to grieve, but it is also natural for the sadness to fade over time. If the advice that you get here does not help, look into more professional help.

I'm not in a depression. I know that for a fact. Just everything I do remimds me of how much stuff I've missed in my life with him and how much stuff I'm missing because he is gone. I can be watching a movie and it's will be about a father and daughter and all the stuff I never got to do with my father. I've spent more time in my life with my daughter that is 9 months old than my father. And the memories I have are bad ones, other than the father daughter dancce I got to have with him at my sisters wedding... and to think of that makes me cry cause I'll never really have my father daughter dance.?

Sorry you are in depression, the lack of sleep and the crying is the major signs of it, If I had to bet, and as a professional counselor myself, yes I would say you are. And to be honest almost anyone who is, denies they are to start with also. So YOU KNOWING you are not, is one of the major signs you most likely are also.

But you never forget, my dad passed three years ago, and I don't want to forget, I just learned to deal with the pain and hurt in other ways

So I would strongly suggest a professional counselor in your area.

Not only the death, but the birth, the change in hormones after birth and other problems there can all cause issues.

Personally I have long talks to dad, my two past wives who are dead from time to time. I used to set at the grave stone and talk with them, and latter I can do it in a private place I set aside for "them"

Dear Stephy, I can't take your hurt away. My father died in 1985 and I still miss him something terrible, but over time the pain has healed and yours will heal too.
I wanted to tell you what a wonderful gift you gave your father before his death... a grandchild! He must have really loved you, it sounds like he waited to make sure you were left with someone to love and who will love you back. Just know that when you look at your precious baby that he live's on in her.
Don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't be feeling and take your time to morn as long as it takes, there's nothing wrong with that. In time you'll start to celebrate his life and think less of his death. Your child will grow up with all your stories about your wonderful father and her grandfather who waited for her to come into this world before he left, what a wonder thing!
Don't beat yourself up for hurting, it's totally natural.
I'll be here if you need to talk!
Barbee55

Hi stephy,
I think its just that you missed your dad so much. The depth of missing depends on the closeness and significance of your dad to you. There's no secret formula to cope, just remember to cling to God as you are in pain.
My dad suddenly passed away 4 years ago, now, its not as painful anymore, I have accepted and moved on but I still miss him a whole lot.

... also you will never forget him... bec without him, there won't be a you.