My husband's ex is taking him back to court in 2 weeks. Long story short (ha!): They were divorced 8 years ago with joint physical and legal custody of their 2 children who are now 13 and 11. At that time, he was ordered to pay her $125/week support. She doesn't currently nor has she ever worked (receives SSI and has repeatedly said, "Why should I get a job when I can sit on my all day and get a $500 check every week?"). He had a horrible lawyer initially and was just told, "If you want to get divorced today, just agree to the amount, and be done with it."

Since the divorce, we've been back to court numerous times. She always feels like she's "entitled to an increase". We DON'T make a lot of money, mind you. I'm self-employed and we are very careful with our money. We live a very frugal lifestyle and do the best we can for our family.

Custody (although still legal joint) of the kids is primarily with us. They are with the Mom e/o weekend and 1 night/week. They go to school in our town, have all of their activities and social things here, church, etc. When the schedule changed for the kids 4 years ago, we didn't even bring up the child support issue. She tried a few months later to get more money and the judge basically told her to get a job, but did not reduce it.

So, since that time, we've had 3 children of our own (ages 4, 2, and 2 months) and my husband was laid off in February (new baby only a week old). I went right back to work just to keep our head above water, which we are barely doing.

This past October, Social Security found out that she had been submitting false documents to them (for years!), saying that she had full custody of the kids. She was receiving SSI checks on their behalf totally $300/month). They now go to us and we've just been putting them in a savings account for college. We really don't even want the money but she is now under investigation for fraud and the local SS office says that someone has to get them. (She's also getting food stamps and whatever other services she can con the state out of!)

Now, here's where we're at: She has filed a complaint for modification stating that "The father petitioned for the SSI benefits (which we did NOT!) and that it puts her in great financial hardship." She wishes the court to "Increase support and please order that the SSDI benefit be directed to mother. Please order that father reimburse Mother for months that he unrightfully took that money for the children's SSDI benefit."

We know that the family court cannot order a change in Social Security benefits and my husband is getting a letter this week from our local office with information on the pending case, etc. Clearly, we cannot afford to hire our lawyer for this one so I'm looking for some advice.

Should we also file a Complaint for Modification for a reduction in child support at this time?

I, honestly, always thought it CRAZY that she got anything to begin with. She's never met her financial obligations ordered by the court and does not contribute 1 cent to any of their expenses related to school, health care, camps, activities, etc. I could go on, but you get the picture I'm sure... lazy, selfish taker.

Would appreciate any feedback!

Has custody ever been modified to you having primary physical custody and her having visitation? If you are awarded primary physical, she should actually owe YOU (your husband) CS and her request for modification becomes moot.

No. We're in Massachusetts. From what our original lawyer told us, it's almost NEVER done. The courts evidently try to keep it joint as much as possible. Believe me, when we went to court to modify the schedule, we were armed with SO much ammunition. The judge barely looked at anything--never read the documents from our lawyer. We even had a PI videotape her purchasing drugs!

I know we'd never get a dime from her even if the court did order it, but I also don't think we should be paying her just because she doesn't want to work. Her "disability" is a complete crock.

I guess it won't hurt to try, but having been through the Family Court in 2004 and have all of our hard work (and hopes!) dismissed, was so disappointing. It's so unpredictable and I just don't want it to blow up in our faces... When we actually sit down and do our financial form this weekend, I'm quite sure it'll show us in the red.

Not sure how the judge could order MORE support, but the rules in Massachusetts just changed in January. According to a recent article, "Massachusetts’ child support guidelines are already the highest in the country, and the new guidelines raise them, just as we’re in the middle of one of the worst recessions of the past 100 years." The one thing that we do have on our side is the joint custody in this case.

That was sort of my point. Getting money from her sounds like a "not in a million years" thing, but you certainly shouldn't be paying HER support if you have primary custody.