Back when I was in 8th grade, I had this huge crush on a girl in my class but I was too chicken to ever say anything. My friend at the time, told her and then I later found out she had a crush on me too. We talked but we never dated, it was just flirting and I guess puppy love. The school year ended and we went to different high schools so we lost touch. Fast forward a few years, she got my screen name somehow and just hit me up out of no where. We talked through aim for a couple of days then we exchanged numbers. For couple of months we talked every night for hours. We caught up, she was dating someone and she seemed real happy. One day she brought up (in detail, lol) the day and how she found out I had a crush on her back in 8th grade. She said she remembers all the little things I used to do, the things I said, etc. So me playing around said, sounds like your in love with me or something, she paused and said she was. I really didn't take it seriously but she went on and said things like that when she talks to me she feels like the same little girl back in grade school and that she cares about me and she's happy that we're talking again. A couple of days later her and her boyfriend broke up. So I eventually asked her out on a date. She said sure so we were set to go to the movies. The day comes for us to go out, she canceled because she had work. So I asked her out a few days later, she said yeah. The day comes, and again she had work. At this point I'm thinking she's playing me or something. I asked her what was going on and she said that she was scared, she never felt this way about anybody, and that she didn't know what to do. So we just kept talking here and there for a few months and I don't know, I guess I started to get real strong feelings for her but at the same time I felt like I was wasting my time so I just told her that to me it seems like she's playing head games and that I don't have time for that. She took it real hard started crying and kept assuring me that she was indeed in love with me. A couple days later we saw each other at a party. I was there way before her so I was buzzed lol, as soon as she gets there she comes straight to me and its like sparks flew lol, it's the first time we've seen each other in years and she spent the whole party with me. We talked and at one point we were holding hands and she looks into my eyes and says I Love You and I said it back and we started making out. The next day she calls me and says she loved being with me and that she wants us to spend time together. I was having a new years party, I invited her to come, she said yeah. New Years comes along and she didn't come. She called me and wished me a happy new year but said she couldn't make it because she was with family but she wanted to see me the day after. So it's the next day lol, I call her, no answer, call her again, nothing. She eventually calls me back later in the night and I was like what's going on, and she's like oh I just got home I'm sorry, and I just went off and said hey how come every time you want to do something with me, something always comes up? She just said I have to go and we hung up. The next day I found out that at the same time she was talking to me, she was talking to some other guy, and that the 2 of them are now dating. So I went crazy, I called her and let out my frustration, she started crying, apologizing, I didn't care, I hung up and thought that was that. She tried calling me back a few times, I didn't answer, she would leave messages saying that she loved me and that she is stupid and confused and she made the wrong decision. What she did hurt like hell and I don't know, but I honestly think that I mightve fell in love with her. Because what she did had me depressed for a while but I got over it eventually. So my dumbass thinking I was good and over it, answered one of her calls one day, she started crying and said she felt bad about what she did, she missed talking to me, and I didn't tell her but jesus I think I'm in love with her. And right now I'm going through the why she doesn't want to date me phase I guess lol. A couple of days ago I just came out of nowhere and told her hey I think it would be best if we didn't talk anymore and she says I love you but I have a boyfriend and I know you are a great person and I do want to be with you but I can't and I'm terrified of losing you, I'm just so confused so I told to her sarcastically to break up with him and she got upset lol. So I don't know what to do and boy do I need help. What should I do?

As I was reading your post the first thing I thought was, she has another boyfriend, or she's back with her old boyfriend.

I do believe in love at first sight, or in your case, love at first sight, again. You fell fast, and you fell hard.

But, you are a very logical thinker, and you've spelled out your own situation very well. You cannot see the obvious because you love this girl.

It is pretty clear that it is convenient for her, to have you to talk to. Also pretty clear is all the cancelled dates with you, were dates out with someone else. The hard truth is, her lack of commitment to you, means she is looking for someone 'better'; you don't quite fit the bill to her, or she would not be juggling other men at the same time.

If you did, from the moment you met her at that party, nobody else would have mattered, had her feelings for you, been the same as yours for her.

The long conversations on the phone should have steered the way naturally for a relationship to develop. You had every right in my opinion to expect that. And you had every reason to wonder why she kept cancelling out on you, and every right to suspect her sincerity. She kept building you up to keep you around because it suited her needs.

Maybe if the new boyfriend doesn't work out you will hear from her again, but I hope you don't fall into the trap of being used by a woman who cannot live without a man in her life. There are women out there, and she sounds like one, that needs a man in her life, and will get one no matter what she has to do. People like that tend to be very needy, and very skilled at turning their needs, into being desirable.

In my opinion that is a relationship you can do without. Anybody who keeps a person hanging on while balancing other men at the same time isn't worth investing your time in.

You sound like you've been a very good friend to her which would normally set the stage for a solid relationship. I'm sure there are women out there that would sincerely appreciate your attributes, and I hope you keep looking until you find one.

Thanks for your answer. I agree I fell very hard lol. I have been talking to other girls but honestly there's nothing there. Ive never felt this way about anybody else. Recently she said that I was perfect and she was and for me to stay away from her. So I said we won't talk anymore, and a few minutes later she changed her mind and again said she's scared of losing me. I don't know what's going on. There are a number of reasons I should stop talking to her but I think I'm in love with her.

Remember when she hit you up by finding you with your screen name. She was in a relationship with somebody else. Then she kept dialing out on you when she was 'single', and you find out she had a new boyfriend.

She cancelled no less than five firm dates with you, and she's told you she doesn't want to leave her new boyfriend, but doesn't want to lose you either.

You remain, for all intent and purpose, invisible in her life, and that works for her.

That you feel nothing for other women doesn't confirm that nobody else is 'the one', it only means you are so crazy about her that nobody else will ever measure up while your feelings are so involved elsewhere.

This may be love in a twisted sort of way, but it is not love that most would be looking for. To be continuously let down and used before a real relationship is even off the ground, is not a healthy way to start.

How could you trust her. If the situation were reversed, would you play other women the way she is playing you?

You may always have special feelings and love for her that go back to the 8th grade, but where she is acting like she's still in the 8th grade, also shows immaturity, and other issues, that together, don't make for a solid person.

If she were truly interested in you, you would be the only boyfriend in her life. And even if that happens, can you really feel sure that somewhere along the road she wouldn't cheat with others.

And what of the poor sucker who thinks he's her boyfriend now? Do you really want to compromise yourself by secretely having a relationship with her? Most men wouldn't do that to another man.

My only advice to you is to let her go. I see no reason to think that she would change and become a better person anytime soon.

There are greener pastures out there, and life is short. Cut your losses and move on. You will probably always have feelings for her, but never doubt yourself in that what you see, is what you get, and you can do better.

Your right. Thanks a lot

You don't need help, you need to leave her alone, and keep her out of your life.

Hey I thought id update, she sent me texts and called me numerous times but I never answered and then I figured id answer. She asked why I've been ignoring her and I basically told her that I don't want anything to do with her because of everything that happened. She didn't take it well, she got very emotional and that was that. A few hours later she tells me that she didn't want to lose me so she broke up with her boyfriend in order to be with me. She said she wants to see me (I haven't seen her since the party before new years) and that ultimately she wasn't happy with him. Then her boyfriend sent me a message on myspace, lets just say he wasn't happy. My feelings didn't change and I let her know. Later she took him back like nothing happened. So now she tells me that things are extremely rocky because of me and that she meant it when she said she loved me all those times before and that she wants to be with me and that she's just confused but wants to see me in person, I guess to see if there's something still there. Well there's the update, its been an interesting day to say the least

There is something extremely dangerous about that woman.

Her boyfriend contacts you, because YOU are causing problems with THEM? How ridiculous.

Then again she is playing both ends off against the middle, with perhaps a few more to add on the horizon too.

I think you need to remove her, or block her from phoning you, that's a must. Then delete the boyfriend, and delete her from Facebook, or where they are in your contacts.

At some point you'll have to realize that you've said all there is to say, and you've heard all you need to hear.

When you realize that, letting them go will lift a HUGE burden from your shoulders. There is a certain freedom from being in control of your life.

Jake2008 thank you I've listened to your advice. I deleted them this morning and went on to ignore her texts and phone calls. She emailed me a long letter that I read just to see what she wanted. She went on to say that she's in a tough place right now and that she's torn between me and her current boyfriend. That I have no idea how complicated things are for her and how bad her life is right now. She went on to say that I was the love of her life but she didn't want to break up with her boyfriend because it wouldn't be right for her to date me and still have feelings for him. She then said that I deserved better and I was perfect but that she didn't want to lose me either. She kept on saying that she was confused and that she hates her life right now. She said that she's not happy with anything going on in her life and that me leaving would make it worse and she wouldn't know what to do if I left. She knows that I've always been there and that she wants me to wait until she knows for sure that she's making the right decision by going out with me (something along those lines.) later on she texted saying that I was the love of her life and that I mean the world to her and that she knows if she was with me shed be happy. So I take it that she's supposedly not happy at all with her boyfriend and that being with me would change everything but... she doesn't want to break up with him. Doesn't make sense. I care about her and all this "I hate my life" things she says, has me worried a little to be honest. Coming from me, I think I'm in love with her. Ive had girlfriends before and I never felt this way about them except one but I was 17 and I totally screwed that up but that's a different story for a different day lol. I think about this from time to time. I don't know why I feel this way about her, I mean she's given me a number of reasons to hate her. But when we talk, half of me thinks she's being genuine and honest, another thinks she's lying. But I want to know from you guys, from what you've read, does she actually love me? Why does she want me around so badly when she has a boyfriend?

I think Talaniman said it well when he said, "You don't need help, you need to leave her alone, and keep her out of your life."

Love is not equal between a husband and wife, when there is a third person involved. It isn't love at all. There was not one single thing she said that you referred to in your post about your needs. It was all about her. She wants him, she wants you, she hates her life, blah blah blah. She really, really annoys me.

That is not an honest woman. That is not a loving, sincere woman who puts her family first. She lies, cheats, and uses people to try to find 'love' in her life, and in so doing, is emotionally abusive, controlling and morally bankrupt.

If you were to list the good qualities, what would they be because I just cannot imagine anything that would qualify her as a good person in my book.

It is easy to feel vunerable, and for a person like her, it is easy for her to manipulate you, and keep you hanging on. If she is going to find happiness, she has to find it on her own/ Nobody is going to be able to provide for her, that which she cannot give to others in return.

There is no partnership when it's all give, and no take. She does not love you. She loves what you can give her i.e. stability, a normal life, but she does not love you.

If it were me in your shoes, I would consider continuing counselling. Keep getting those appointments in just to have someone validate and listen to what you are thinking and feeling. Things will get likely even more confusing until you gain enough confidence to finally let her go.

I wouldn't be giving her an inch.

I think she will say anything to get what she wants. That's why you leave her alone, and cut all ties with her, to end the confusion.

Just imagine what the other guy is going through, and how confused he must be.

We had a talk and came to an understanding. From what she told me, her boyfriend is very happy. Im guessing she told him I'm getting out of the way. But she's still miserable and kept saying she hated her life, and she sounded not herself. We didn't talk at all yesterday which I thought was a good sign. Then at around 11 at night, a buddy of mine, he's also friends with her, told me that she was in the hospital. I don't know how she is, or even at what hospital she's staying at. I guess you could say I'm worried.

I found what happened. She called me from the hospital and let me know. She broke her leg in 2 places. I know what she's going through because I myself had an injury like that a few years ago. So we talked in the morning and she said she's doing fine. I wanted to go visit her but she said not to worry about her, she's fine. We talked tonight, she was sent home from the hospital. She said that her boyfriend was there with her through the whole thing and that she loves him. This was the first time I've heard her say that about him and it left stunned. I don't know why but I felt something that I haven't felt in a long time. It's a terrible feeling kind of hard to describe but that's the update for now

I think Talaniman said it well when he said, "You don't need help, you need to leave her alone, and keep her out of your life."

Sometimes it can be hard just to walk away, easier said than done.
But I gues Talaniman you are right.
Make more friends and get to know other people friends online (http://www.allafricanet.com).

Dude what you felt was your heart snapping in two but I have to say your doing well. I say cut your losses and hit the happy trail with what bits and pieces of your heart left, and find someone that's not so shaky or flacky. Find a good girl that likes you and not one that has a boyfriend am I right?

We haven't talked in a few days. Last time we did, she said that she knows she's going to regret it but right now she has feelings for both of us and that she was really confused. She told me that she doesn't want to go out with me confused and that she loves me and for me to understand that she doesn't want to lose me. I haven't made an attempt to talk to her the last few days. Me leaving her alone will end her confusion

I think it might be time to have her talk to you, through your lawyer.

The longer you keep her interested by maintaining communication, the longer this is going to drag out.

If she realizes on the other hand, that everything is now going to go through her lawyer and your lawyer, until a separation agreement is in place, you won't have to continue to play this game with her.

Dude. She sounds like the kind of girl who likes her some attention. I know another girl who does this. She talks to about 50 guys at once and then dates them and then breaks up with them because she's "confused." But still keeps them close by as if for reason of self-assurance. And she won't stop. If you want to stop being toyed with, then I would suggest breaking all ties to her, because she's saying all these cutesy well-practiced lines to make sure she keeps guys tied around her dirty little finger.

A little update. For a few days I didn't talk to her and everything was actually OK. I was feeling good. One day I was online and she imed me and we started talking but nothing too serious. She then told me that she broke up with her boyfriend and that not talking to me for a few days opened her eyes. She then said that she wants to be with me but that something is holding her back. So yeah same shibby different day lol

a little update. for a few days i didnt talk to her and everything was actually ok. i was feeling good. one day i was online and she imed me and we started talking but nothing too serious. she then told me that she broke up with her boyfriend and that not talking to me for a few days opened her eyes. she then said that she wants to be with me but that something is holding her back. so yeah same shibby different day lol

Well its good that you are now able to identify her behavioral habits and your not taking it to heart anymore:)

she then said that she wants to be with me but that something is holding her back.
Translation, I like you but not that much but if you chase me I might change my mind.

Don't play that game.

I'm not. As a matter of fact, I might be moving away in a couple of weeks and I told her. She then said that how can she be with me if I'm moving away. So I told her that me moving away won't change anything. We've been talking for a long time and nothings changed. Talk on the phone, online, but never see each other so, me moving is not really going to change anything. Well again she got upset and kept asking me how can I say those things. Yeah...

A little update. Its almost a sure thing that I'm moving away. Every time we talk, she ends up breaking down crying and we hang up. The talks aren't about dating anymore, its mostly about the move and she ends up crying.

My gosh

There was a girl lik that at my skool and I really didn't waste my time with her but the same sort of thing happened with her she had liked this guy since forever and she had just started dateing another guy and she acted all I'm so confused I don't know which one to choose believe me it was so anoying I ended up telling her to leave the guy she was stringing along alone and to date the guy she was dating sure she got all teary eyed and big lipped but watever I'm know I'm being harsh but dude stringing a guy along talk about a attention seeker I would say in your situation to move away and start fresh and for gos sake Don't TALK TO HER IT TO CONFUSING SHE Isn't WORTH IT