I am a christian who is in the process of trying to find God. I know that this doesn't make any sense, however, I was raised in a strict type of religion, which I am no longer a part of. Why I left, well, first, I am not too thrilled about being lied to about many doctrines that I once believed and embraced and talked to others about. Once I found out that I was being lied to, I almost fell back in shock, which by the way, took me a while to get over in itself.

But, the straw that broke the camels back was when my husband committed adultery, I tried to get his parents to help me spiritually, (they were in the same religion) but instead they treated me as if I was the one who created the problem. They refused to believe that he committed adultery - they believed my husband's lies over me. They even paid for him to move out, while I was struggling in mental and emotional pain. Months later, when my husband's girlfriend gave birth to his baby, they didn't even apologize for being wrong, nor did they acknowledge my suffering. That's when I began to see that it's not religion that saves you, but a relationship with God himself.

Now to make a long story short, I know that I need God in my life, however, I am feeling resented - not necessarily because of my experience, but because I don't want to be lied to. Who knows what doctrines or beliefs at this point are real. An even bigger reason is the fact that I see many so called christians behave in ways that are not condusive to how a christian should behave. For example - I know someone who engages in drug use, and yet she claims that she has God in her life. For the life of me, I don't see why God should be in her life when she refuses to give up her habit. I've tried to reason with her that drug use is against the bible, however she tells me that her drug use has not prevented her from seeking God. She really does claim that she has God in her life.

Another person tells me that God has healed him from his physical pain. So I asked, well how about those sick christians who have a disability like celebral palsy, for example. Do they lack faith because God hasn't healed them? And why should God heal you and not them? Do they really feel that arrogant, that God will pay attention to them and not to others? I'm not sure what to think. :confused:

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MRS.S

Hi Dincher, Im really sorry to hear that you have gone through a lot. I went through a time in my life where I wasn't sure what religon was right for me and I even spent a time questioning if there even was a God. See my grandmother died in 98. Before she died she went through many painful strokes and a lot of suffering. She was a catholic woman who said the rosary everyday and lived her life according to the bible. So I could not understand why, why her and why like that. To this day I still don't know, but I do hope that there is reasoning behind it all. I do know now though that with everything bad in this world all I can do is have faith. It may seem corny and tacky but I honestly think there is a reason.
I can not base people according to religion. No matter what they call themselves some will still live life against everything that they are taught. Most don't even see the wrong in what they do. I don't know what religious beliefs are the closest to truth. I just live my life honestly and based on what I think God would want me to live. Im not going so sit here and say that I don't ever make mistakes but at the same time I aknowledge that what I did was wrong, I apologize for it and I don't it again. I know this is personal but every night before I go to bed and after I have said my usual prayers. I ask God to give me the strength to accept people and their differences and to over look the negative.
I honestly don't know how to answer your questions because when I was asking them too the answers were never given to me. I just used the mind and the heart that God gave me to accept what I cannot change and answer. I believe that all those people who suffer and who we feel are over looked by God are actually over looked by us. I think that if we all gather as one and unite under all differences whether they be religion, skin color or gender that we would be able to take care of those who are in need of the blessings and the miracles. I think that is what God wants us to do.
I hope this letter helps you in your search of God or at least gives you comfort that I have also questioned and doubted God and people. I hope you find everything you are looking for and that the unsaid words of the past don't effect you faith your fellow man. Keep us posted I am very interested to find out how things work out for you.

bananaBean,
Thanks for sharing your story.
I'm sorry to heard about what your Grandmother went through before she died.
Suffering is a part of this world. It is not and act of God but rather the consequences of the nature of this world.
There is this belief that you might want to consider.
The more suffering a Christian goes through in this life the less suffering that person will experience in Purgatory.
Your grandmother may have gone straight to heaven where there is no more suffering only joy and gladness and the marvelous wonder of being one with God.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

Hey dincher; I hope your still reading these answers online, I'm new to the forum and I don't want to miss out on your newfound testimony!! Of course you where lied to about a lot of things in Christian life,because men are liers,its in our nature. I was happy to read that you sensed the call of the God in your life. I'm glad you haven't ignored it. There is of course only on ultimate authority in regards to knowing God and his eternal plan for us.Jesus!! He will never lie to you,It's just not in his nature. I highly recommened that you read and learn of him from Matthew and John. They are the two authors of the testement who acctualy walked,worked and learned by his side. This eliminates here say doctrine and is much less difficult to understand. Remember, Christ says that straight is the gate and narrow is the way which leads to eternal life,meaning that finding eternal life is a plain and simple process and it is truly centered on him because he also says that he is the way,the truth,and the life! He also promised inJohn 5:24 " Truly,truly,anyone who hears my word and believes on he who sent me has eternal life."
This promise by our great king is the backbone of all I believe about God,heaven,and everything. In this I descovered that the churches where predestined to apostcey and that Gods desire for mankind is to form a personal relationship with us which grows into spiritual intamacy. OH please, please please, don't give up hope. Know my savior with everything you are. What people believe anbout him is never as important than what you and he believe about each other. Grace and peace.

Hi Dincher,

Firstly, it is not up to you to deciede whose life God should be in and whose life he should not! Does Jesus not speak of those that sin the most that are in need of His help more so than those that lead more virtuous lives?

I think it important to worry more about your own personal relationship with God rather than other people and their beleifs.

belovedgift,
Yours is a good offering suggestion.
God's word is a great place to look for Him particularly in the Son of God's words and deeds.
But in reality one can fine God in many good things of this existence, for God IS Good.
Also look for God's influence in pure sweet love for God IS Love and therefore from where all good sweet love comes from.
Look for God in creation for God IS the creator of existence, the first source of all that is.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

Hi Dincher,
Did you know that there are only 2 things that frustrate us, bother us, make us angry, upset us, irritate us, etc? It took me over 40 years to realize this, so here it is:
1. Other people don't walk, think, talk, act or react the way WE think they should.
2. God doesn't walk, think, talk, act or react the way WE think He should.
The first 4 commandments are how to Love God. The next 6 are how to love others. That's why Jesus said everything hinges on 2 commands-Love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength and love others as yourself.
"Love does not envy...Love takes no offense...Love hardly even notices when others do it wrong."
Ask the Lord to Change you into the woman he wants you to be and you'll be amazed at how everyone else changes.

The Lord loves you very much, and knows every thing about you, and He wants
Us all to come to Him, and humble ourselves before Him, and have a intimate
Relationship with Him. Find a quite place where you can talk to God, "He said
be still and know that I am God." Talking to God, praying and reading His Word
The Bible. If we want God in our life, it is a must to spend time with Him in prayer
And reading His Word. I'm sure you do not want someone in your life that does not
Spend time with you. If a person truly loves someone they want to be with them,
And knowing them. God wants the same, your love and your time knowing who He is.
Make sure you have a Bible you can understand when you read it and know what
It says and do what it says. The Bible is God talking to YOU, He is His Word.
James 4:10 "Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord. and He will lift you up"
He is saying "those who honor Me I will honor." How much time are you going
To spend with Him, don't let satan rob you of time you should spend with God.

Love and Blessings,
Maggie 3

Life is struggles and what we learn from our trials either makes us or breaks us. So while one might be healed another might not.

Joni Ericson Tada was a professional swimmer and became a paralegic. As a result she started a ministry for paralyzed people. She started by drawing greeting cards with her teeth.
Joni and Friends (http://www.joniandfriends.org/)

Bill Wilson grew up in Brooklyn not knowing what it was to be loved by a parent this is his ministry.
Home (http://www.metroministries.org/)

As I read your post, it reminds me, that you are resenting your faith and even denomination because some of its members turned out to be regular people, all sinners like we all are.

Sorry but parents take up for their kids normally even if they are wrong, that is human nature, sorry if that is not what you wanted to happen but that is life.

That does not mean your denomination or faith was wrong, it means you expected too much out of people,

If you expect all members of a religious group to be perfect, none of them never fail or let you down, just stop looking, there is none at all.

Peter denied Christ
Thomas doubted
Two others had their mother fighting over who would be the leader of the others.
One betrayed him.

Get the idea, Jesus own "church" group let him down in more ways than we can count.

It is always your faith, never the faith of another person.

And God never moved, so if you are trying to find him, it is you that went somewhere.

homesell,
That little post of your summed it up very well and accurately.
The only thing that I might add is to be silent. Listen and know that God Is God.
Peace and kindness,
Fred