First of all let me start by saying that I'm doing this only because I've tried everything else and have gotten nothing as far as results are concerned. I also feel unbelievably stupid doing this, I'm not the kind of 'person' things like this are supposed to happen to. (which I'm sure is my first problem) I'm also more than positive I am not actually going to get any responses to this, I would be more than surprised if someone did post back.
Let me start by saying that this is beyond a first for me.
I was sexually abused as a little kid by my father, went to counseling and embraced what happened to me and allowed it to mature me into a better person. I do not hate my father, I do not resent him, in fact I forgive him completely.
I am a straight A-high school senior who started online with Ashworth University college prep program my Sophomore year because my current high school wasn't working out for me. (I had two friends, who turned out to be not very friendly, and everyone else hated me. I was the quite smart one who didn't do parties or football games and was hated by just about everyone; I think that all started my freshmen year in high school when I purposely failed a paper for this jock who asked me to do it for him, I told the teacher what was going on and she and I worked together to make this the worse paper ever, of course he loved it and was blown away when the grade came back a major F, since then just about the entire school hated me.)
So in my sophomore year all of my teachers and myself looked for something else that wouldn't put me into a boarding school or whatever and would let me simply hurry and get it done, I got into Ashworth and said good bye to that school... It was absolutely amazing until about... 6 months or so ago (I've been in for two years, but only because I'm working full time as well)
See, when I left high school I had this boyfriend; and he was absolutely the sweetest, kindest, funniest guy I had ever met. I was absolutely in love, of course. Then we started arguing like any couple in their 8th month of being together, and I dumped him.
Three days later he was with another girl, and a month later he and I were back together... but he just... he changed.
When I wasn't happy, and he wasn't happy... he would scream and yell at me, and make fun of me and just be a complete jerk... and when I called him out on it he would defend himself, ask me how I could possibly think he was being mean, and then hang up.
About two or three hours later he would call back, apologizing and begging for my forgiveness... and of course I would forgive him and take him back.
Well this only got worse... to the point where he would ignore me, and then get mad at me when I asked how his day went. To the point where he was getting mad at me for not letting him 'fake' date other girls. (see, I told him if he wanted to be with someone else to leave me and go do it, he said he didn't want to leave me and never would and that if I feel that way I should leave him)
It got to the point where I couldn't talk to him without us fighting, and me crying, and him screaming at me for crying (you know, the whole... how dare YOU feel sad right now when you aren't letting me live life... when the entire time I told him over and over again that I'm not holding him back, he's forcing me to stay here... and I really didn't want to leave him... he never 'dated' anyone else... so I never saw it as a problem... and eventually he would call back and ask me to forgive him and blah blah blah blah blah)
Well... Saturday night he got on Yahoo (after that morning BEGGING me to forgive him for not calling the entire night before or sending me any messages or anything else to tell me why, yet being on myspace the entire time talking to another girl) and he told me he thinks we needed to 'take a break' so that he could get his life together.
I asked him if it was to be with another girl, and he told me over and over again that that would never happen, he was madly in love with me and would be back soon for me.
I was alone the entire next day, and that day he spent the entire day with that girl he had been talking to over myspace; I asked him about it (curious non-judgemental question, you know... a 'Are you with her?' 'No' 'Do you want to be with her?' 'No, I love you and only you' and then today once again he has completely left me alone.)
Now, that isn't the problem. In all honesty I have no problem with him doing what he wants and coming back to me when he is more mature and ready; what I have a problem with is the fact that those two friends I had back in high school despise me with a passion for becoming home schooled. My mother is sick of talking about (and even when she does she ignores the problem, which is me being completely and utterly alone) and all I really need is someone to talk to... that's it... just someone to talk to so I don't feel so depressed; because whenever I'm alone and not doing something (and I've done absolutely everything I can think of doing in these past two days) I think, and for the first time EVER in my entire life I feel truly alone and just really, really, really need someone to talk to me who isn't trying to get me drunk and have sex with me (that's what Brandon did yesterday when I was talking to him about how depressed I was... I haven't talked to him since then for obvious reasons)

You are going to be AMAZED by the kindness and caring you find on this board. We all started as strangers. We are from all different parts of the World and walks of life. And we all have each other's backs. It's honestly amazing.

What do you need right now? A friend? Someone to listen, not judge, talk to?

Sometimes something that goes wrong brings back EVERYTHING that's gone wrong, the loneliness, the sadness, the "bad stuff."

Tell me what you need - and so many of us here have been in up and down relationships. We understand.

I guess I really just need someone to talk to, as terrible as it sounds and once again this falls under the whole 'omfg I feel really stupid right now' I just want someone to tell me that I can do better than this guy, because that I guess is the entire reason I'm so miserable about it. It isn't so much HIM as the things I lost to him (such as my virginity)

I completely understand where you are coming from.
You loved him, and even though he changed, you still love him.
To put it simply, he doesn't deserve you anymore. He changed, for the better or worse, only time can tell. However, he changed in a way that makes him separate from you.
What you need to do is realize you are better than you feel you are, and get on with YOUR life.
You are who you are. Your experiences helped to make you who you are, but he did not. If he is going through issues, that is his problem. It is good that you are trying to let him get on with his own life, but you need to stress the importance of that. Whatever happened between you two is the past, and obviously you are not still meant to be together.
Your 2 friends are most likely jealous, or are otherwise hiding their true feelings from you. If they truly "despise" you, then they never were your real friends anyway.
Be happy with what you have accomplished in life (A-Average for one) and don't brood over this for too long. You may never get over him, but it seems you and he are no longer right for each other, so you should at least try to get past him.
Most Importantly, DO NOT let him MAKE you do anything, if you want out of that relationship, GET YOURSELF OUT!

It's far more easier said than done, especially when you don't have people around you to fall back on. I can't remember if I said this earlier or not but my parents despise him but completely forget that I love him (so when they talk about him it puts more distance between us than actually helping me, I don't want to hear that I screwed up for loving him, I want to hear that I'm better than that) does that make any sense at all? XD

I don't want to hear that I screwed up for loving him, I want to hear that I'm better than that

You ARE better than that.
You fell in love with the person he WAS. He changed, and although he is not the same person he was then, you still love him. You are probably holding on to the memory of the him that was right for you. You cannot help that you still love him. What you need to realize, is that the "him" you love is not the "him" that he is today. When your parents say they despise him, they probably mean the him that he is, not the him that he was, the one you love.

Yeah, I understand that completely; so is it terrible to feel that if he changed (you know, matured, actually went back to how he was, even if that isn't possible) that I'd go back to him?

Hi, You come to the right place. I have compassion for people, and I care about what you are going through. You are a smart young woman.Sometimes love will blind a person. From carefully reading what you have posted, this guy is just playing games with you. The best thing you can do is to let him go.His actions is bringing you down. Hold your head up. Life goes on.SMILE

Lol thank you humble10
But you know, if any of you guys really want to help out it would be far easier if you IM me (I have msn, Yahoo, and AIM) since I just want someone to talk to right now, and keeping up with forums have always given me a headache.
Thanks.

Yeah, I understand that completely; so is it terrible to feel that if he changed (you know, matured, actually went back to how he was, even if that isn't possible) that I'd go back to him?

No, it's not.
It's not possible. Maybe IMPROBABLE, but not IMPOSSIBLE. Anything is possible.
Like I already said, you love who he was, and you cannot change that. If the man he was was available, it would be completely natural for you to want to go back to him. And I don't think ANYONE would blame you for it, especially if he would be as good of a guy as you state he was.

I have been in a relationship like that before. All I can say is run and never look back! When things get that intense you can't stay friends when you break up. Do you really want to be stuck in this cycle with him any longer? Love is not enough to make a relationship work. I've been there. I left him eventually. We do not talk at all. I did love him. I still care about him and it is sad that it didn't work out. But it was the right thing to do, leaving him. As far as your high school friends go, screw them. If they are going to hate you over how you got/get your education they are petty and strange. There are so many people in every city, you'll get new friends. I really suggest you don't talk to any of them anymore and concentrate on living and enjoying your life.