I have been unable to serve my husband with divorce papers and my court has approved my request to have it published in a newspaper. Problem is no one seems to be able to tell me how to write it. I cannot afford a lawyer and he most likely will never even see the ad.
Any suggestion?

The Court should have the format - it has to be in a certain format, no question.

The newspaper should also know - although I wouldn't necessarily trust them 100%.

What State? I have some of the forms in my office.

Oh, so when I receive my papers in the mail (any day now), they should come with instructions?
The Newspaper didn't know.
I am in Ca. The state I have to file in is Tn

I meant to say "the state I have to publish the divorce in is Tn"

My (soon-to-be-ex) husband has recently confessed to my sister about 4 murders he committed, she also has a voice recording of him confessing to raping her. He has warrants out for his arrest in Ga for Larson and Endangering a Security Officer. He has tried to kill me while I was pregnant with our son. He has threatened my life and also threatens to kidnap our children. He is constantly leaving messages for me against court order with family and friends. I would like to remove him from our daughter's birth certificate, thereby revoking his parental rights. Can anyone tell me the process on that? Would it require a lawyer? If so, how would I go about finding a pro bono lawyer who handles that kind of case.
Thanks.

You probably can NOT remove him from the birth certificate.

You MAY have a case for termination of parental rights based on the fact that he may be a danger to the child.

Get a lawyer--you'll need one regardless.

No, you cannot legally remove a name from a birth certificate and strip that parent of his/her rights.

You need - as Synnen said - a good Attorney to go about protecting you and your child legally.

I live in California and have a really simple divorce case. However, my husband is a very dangerous man. He has recently confessed in an email to my sister about 4 murders he committed. He also confessed in an email and voice recorded conversation to raping her. He has warrants all over the place; has tried to kill me while I was pregnant, and still continues to make threats even though he's in Tn and I am in Ca. He continues to break the restraining order I have against him by leaving messages with friends and family. He is on probation for aggrivated assault and so on and so forth.

I ran for my life 6 months ago from him and am on welfare and don't know how to find a lawyer I can afford or maybe someone who does pro bono work. Any idea where to start?
Thanks.

As noted, you have no grounds for removing him from the birth certificate. But if you can prove what you said, you should be able to obtain a Termination of Parental Rights.

You would probably be better off having a lawyer prepare it, but you might be able to get away with doing it yourself, if you can document all you have said here.

Consider a Battered Women Help Line. They will be able to point you in the right direction.
24 hour help line: 1-800-572-2782;
Website: Domestic Violence, Battered Women, Charitable Donations - Support Network for Battered Women (http://www.snbw.org/)

I hope this helps, good luck

I live in California and have a really simple divorce case. However, my husband is a very dangerous man. He has recently confessed in an email to my sister about 4 murders he committed. He also confessed in an email and voice recorded conversation to raping her. He has warrants all over the place; has tried to kill me while I was pregnant, and still continues to make threats even though he's in Tn and I am in Ca. He continues to break the restraining order I have against him by leaving messages with friends and family. He is on probation for aggrivated assault and so on and so forth.

I ran for my life 6 months ago from him and am on welfare and don't know how to find a lawyer I can afford or maybe someone who does pro bono work. Any idea where to start?
Thanks.

How is it you believe it's a really simple divorce case when your saying that its complicated by an abusive husband living in another state ?

If it is as simple as you believe you can do it yourself with a little help from the courts. I tend to think that its not that simple. Have you tried the county for legal aide or spoken with your caseworker ? If he has warrents and such how come he's not in jail ?

That would make it easier so you can serve him the needed papers.

I'll have you know it's simple because we have no community property or anything. He's on probation so he can't come out here and fight anything I try to do and I'll have you know, he's not in jail because the cops out in TN are lazy.
I have evidence of all my claims. I'm not just blowing steam out my butt like some people.

Comments on this post
lmcdonald (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/lmcdonald.html) disagrees: This person only berated me for the wording of my question and did not provide an answer.

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedback/using-comments-feature-24951.html

In fact, he did provide good advice for you.

I've also merged your threads since they all have to do with the same issue.

I'll have you know it's simple because we have no community property or anything. He's on probation so he can't come out here and fight anything I try to do and I'll have you know, he's not in jail because the cops out in TN are lazy.
I have evidence of all my claims. I'm not just blowing steam out my butt like some people.



Wow - I'm surprised. Hopefully OP is just frustrated because I don't see any posts or answers that are out of line.

There is no such thing as an easy divorce - let me start by saying that. If you try to railroad him because you know he can't travel this could blow up in your face at some future time.

That being said the newspaper knows whether it is Court-acknowledged or not. It has to meet the circulation demands of the Court. If one particular newspaper does not know, then you have to call another newspaper until you DO find one that knows.

I have to leave, check the original post and I'll be right back -

Okay, you can only serve by publication if you have exhausted all methods of locating the person "in person." You obviously made an argument that you had exhausted all methods, yet you know he's on probation and can't leave the State.

Do you know where he is? In the meantime, if newspaper #1 doesn't know, try newspaper #2. Also - if there is a legal journal in your City that newspaper is acknowledged in my area.

Hope you are just frustrated - I really do.

It is not my intention to railroad him just because he can't leave the state. I have only recently learned of his massive criminal history and have filed for divorce for the protection of myself and children. Like I stated previously, he recently confessed to my sister about 4 murders he has committed and to raping her. Charges are being pressed but that takes time. Police won't go after him even though he as a warrant in his own city! I have made numerous costly, diligent attempts to serve him. I know where he is, because he has not moved out of our home. When he called my brother in law asking me for money (keeping in mind he hasn't offered me a dime for myself or 2 children in the last 6 months), he told him the address I could send it to (the home). He simply refuses to answer the door to the Sheriff process service (probably afraid he will be arrested), as well as family (because he's living with my ex-best friend and is probably embarrassed). I could only attempt so many times before my 60 days were up to serve him. Therefore, the court gave me permission to put it in a newspaper. The paper does have a legal section and acknowledges that I can do a divorce service. They only claim they cannot tell me how to word it. I have tried looking in newspapers for other divorce service ads and have found nothing. I do feel very frustrated because this has all snowballed on me in the last 6 months starting with me finding out about his girlfriend. I feel that califdadof3 just started his post a little offensively.
All I really want to know is how to word the newspaper ad so that it is legal and binding. And, yes, I want his parental rights vanquished because he is such a dangerous person.
Thank you all for your input.

It is not my intention to railroad him just because he can't leave the state. I have only recently learned of his massive criminal history and have filed for divorce for the protection of myself and children. Like I stated previously, he recently confessed to my sister about 4 murders he has committed and to raping her. Charges are being pressed but that takes time. Police won't go after him even though he as a warrant in his own city! I have made numerous costly, diligent attempts to serve him. I know where he is, because he has not moved out of our home. When he called my brother in law asking me for money (keeping in mind he hasn't offered me a dime for myself or 2 children in the last 6 months), he told him the address I could send it to (the home). He simply refuses to answer the door to the Sheriff process service (probably afraid he will be arrested), as well as family (because he's living with my ex-best friend and is probably embarrassed). I could only attempt so many times before my 60 days were up to serve him. Therefore, the court gave me permission to put it in a newspaper. The paper does have a legal section and acknowledges that I can do a divorce service. They only claim they cannot tell me how to word it. I have tried looking in newspapers for other divorce service ads and have found nothing. I do feel very frustrated because this has all snowballed on me in the last 6 months starting out with me finding out about his girlfriend. I feel that califdadof3 just started his post a little offensively.
All I really want to know is how to word the newspaper ad so that it is legal and binding. And, yes, I want his parental rights vanquished because he is such a dangerous person.
Thank you all for your input.

Califdadof3 made some good comments I thought. Actually I agreed with what he had to say.

As to you basic question about service by publication, you are making this far more difficult that it is.

First, you do not "publish your divorce" in the newspaper. You only publish the SUMMONS in the newspaper, which is the notice page (two pages if you include the back) that you filed when you filed the Petition for Dissolution. The Petition does not get published! Take a copy of your order for publication, send it to the newspaper you want to use along with a copy of the summons and tell them to run the notice. Of course you have to pay their fee. All they do is copy the summons and that's it. And they should know how to do this. It needs to run 30 days and at the end of that time the newspaper will give you a proof of service you can use to file with the court. Wait 30 days from the date on the proof of service and then request entry of default and default judgment (you local Family Law Facilitator's Office at the courthouse can assist you for free in doing this).

If for any reason the newspaper people don't know how to do this you may have to apply to the court to designate a different newspaper to use (your court order should say what newspaper to use).

That's about all there is to it.

As a process server - and I realize the various States have different laws - I am STARTLED by this (caps intentional). In NY if you have an address the person has to be personally served. There is big money in serving someone who is avoiding - I have parked myself in front of houses overnight, lurked in supermarkets, served people carrying out the garbage. In NY you cannot serve by publication unless you convince the Court through affidavits that you don't know where the person resides. Refusal and avoidance do not lead to service by publication.

In NY divorces are overturned if the Defendant later appears with proof that the Plaintiff did have an address and chose not to use it.

Again - different State Laws.

Consider a Battered Women Help Line. They will be able to point you in the right direction.
24 hour help line: 1-800-572-2782;
website: Domestic Violence, Battered Women, Charitable Donations - Support Network for Battered Women (http://www.snbw.org/)

I hope this helps, good luck



Do you actually read the thread before you answer? "Battered women" have NOTHING to do with this question nor can they point the OP in the right direction.

The Court demands that certain conditions are met. That's where OP needs to go - and, anyway, the question has been answered by an Attorney.

Thank you very much cadillac59. You were very clear and precise. I appreciate it.

I know where he is, because he has not moved out of our home. When he called my brother in law asking me for money (keeping in mind he hasn't offered me a dime for myself or 2 children in the last 6 months), he told him the address I could send it to (the home). He simply refuses to answer the door to the Sheriff process service

In that case, I think you are wasting your time and money on service by publication. That method of service is used only when the location of the person is unknown. Since you admit you know where he is, then service by publication may not be applicable.

Some further research turned up this page:

California Courts: Programs: Equal Access: Instructional Materials: Family Law: Service by Publication/Posting (http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/programs/equalaccess/servicebypub.htm)

Which you may find useful. It indicates that before you can use Service By Publication, you need to get it approved b y the court (there is a sample for applying to the court). So you may have to show what other attempts you have made to serve befoire they allow service by publication.

Yes, the laws are very different. Here you only have 60 days to serve the person, which is why they are quicker to allow someone to publish the summons.

Scottgem, my request for publication has already been approved. I have already submitted proof of numerous attempts to serve my husband. In fact, I called the facilitator's office at the courthouse when I was unable to serve him and my 60 days were up and they TOLD me to request to serve him through publication as that was my only option left before our court date.

It seems to me things are different from county to county around here lol.

Scottgem, my request for publication has already been approved. I have already submitted proof of numerous attempts to serve my husband. In fact, I called the facilitator's office at the courthouse when I was unable to serve him and my 60 days were up and they TOLD me to request to serve him through publication as that was my only option left before our court date.

Then you are OK. I think you may find the wording of such a notice at that site I linked to.

Yes, the laws are very different. Here you only have 60 days to serve the person, which is why they are quicker to allow someone to publish the summons.

Glad I could help.

Incidentally, I've never heard of a 60 day rule to serve that applies in family law cases and that's because family law cases are not "fast-tracked". I'd be curious to know what county you are in so I can check the local rules. I have a feeling, and I may be wrong, that you are on a court "status conference" calendar and the judge instructed you to serve within a given period and report back at a follow up hearing on your efforts. If that's what's going on that's very different from a general rule requiring service within a given time (most courts require service in civil cases within 60 days, but those cases are treated totally differently anyway).

I am in Stanislaus County, Ca. However, I have double-checked and triple-checked every move I make before I make it because I am really trying to do things the legal way. When speaking to the Family Law Facilitator I made sure I was correct in the 60 day period and they said yes that my only other option is to put it in the newspaper. Also, originally, I had filed for legal separation in order to get litigation started because I was not yet in the county for 6 months and could not file for divorce. So, when I went in and amended my separation to divorce, I again checked to see that publication was my next step and the clerk in the filing office told me yes and the reason they do things this way is in hopes that most cases will not even go to court.
Also, when I first arrived in California, my husband was in jail for domestic assault on his girlfriend and the first thing I did was to file a good cause report with the D.A. so that I could legally hide my daughter from him since it was reported to the police by his girlfriend that he had threatened my life. The day I got here, I made a b-line for the courthouse to file a restraining order. That was handled in the family law department as well and had 30 day time to serve, I believe it was.

I am in Stanislaus County, Ca. However, I have double-checked and triple-checked every move I make before I make it because I am really trying to do things the legal way. When speaking to the Family Law Facilitator I made sure I was correct in the 60 day period and they said yes that my only other option is to put it in the newspaper. Also, originally, I had filed for legal separation in order to get litigation started because I was not yet in the county for 6 months and could not file for divorce. So, when I went in and amended my separation to divorce, I again checked to see that publication was my next step and the clerk in the filing office told me yes and the reason they do things this way is in hopes that most cases will not even go to court.
Also, when I first arrived in California, my husband was in jail for domestic assault on his girlfriend and the first thing I did was to file a good cause report with the D.A. so that I could legally hide my daughter from him since it was reported to the police by his girlfriend that he had threatened my life. The day I got here, I made a b-line for the courthouse to file a restraining order. That was handled in the family law department as well and had 30 day time period to serve, I believe it was.

Well, Stanislaus County, that's Modesto, right?

Yes, you are correct, you do have a 60 day rule on serving the Petition and Summons (this is the first county in the state I've heard of that has that rule). That's in the Local Rules (they only apply to your county). Personally, I think that rule is super-dumb (what do the judges down there care when you serve the petition?--they must not have much to do, that's what I think, but don't quote me on that!).

Also, Stanislaus has a tentative ruling system in family law, which I personally think is weird! (Contra Costa has this too, but they are very weird down there anyway).

So yep, you're right. But what do you expect? It's Modesto!:)

Well, honestly, in my case I prefer it this way because I need to get everything done quickly. The police (in my opinion) are not doing their jobs to put him in jail and I get hardly any sleep at night wondering if he'll show up at the door. He's made threat after threat to do it and he has no qualms about breaking the laws.
I was wondering, though, what is a "Tentative Ruling System"?

Well, honestly, in my case I prefer it this way because I need to get everything done quickly. The police (in my opinion) are not doing their jobs to put him in jail and I get hardly any sleep at night wondering if he'll show up at the door. He's made threat after threat to do it and he has no qualms about breaking the laws.
I was wondering, though, what is a "Tentative Ruling System"?

When you file a motion with the court asking for say child support, each side files income and expense information before the court date, they show up at the hearing and the judge makes an order for xyz in support. With a tentative ruling system, the judge looks over the file a few days before the hearing and decides to award xyz in support, and the decision to award this is announced a day before the hearing. The parties are suppose to call in and check the tentative ruling before the hearing and if they don't like the judge's decision they are to say they want to appear at the hearing and let the other side know as well. If they don't call in the case is not heard on the court date and the tentative ruling stands as the order of the court. If you don't tell the court in advance that you intend to show up and argue the motion and if you don't tell the other side you are going to show up the judge won't listen to you. This is fairly common in civil cases to run a law and motion calendar this way but some counties do it in family law, which I find strange. This isn't just limited to child support, but applies to any kind of motion.

Does that apply to child custody as well? Also, does that still apply if I have a restraining order where we are not allowed to contact each other? Lastly,if the court makes a ruling about the case and he does not respond and I show up for court will they tell me what the ruling is right then and there? I did serve an income and expense declaration on him. The court allowed me to do that little bit through the mail. I'm a little confused...

Does that apply to child custody as well? Also, does that still apply if I have a restraining order where we are not allowed to contact each other? Lastly,if the court makes a ruling about the case and he does not respond and I show up for court will they tell me what the ruling is right then and there? I did serve an income and expense declaration on him. The court allowed me to do that little bit through the mail. I'm a little confused...

You need to check the local rules, which are on the court's website. You can Google Stanislaus County Superior Court to find their website.

If there's a restraining order in effect or if it's a default situation I'm sure there is an exception to the tentative ruling rules that would otherwise apply. You should check it out. We don't have a 60-day rule on service or a tentative ruling system in family law in my county.

Okay, Thanks.

Ugh, I would like to clarify something. I called the courthouse again today to make sure I don't have any other option than publication and they said "we do like you to have him served in 60 days but you actually have up until your court date to have him served. I swear I get a different answer every time I call them. Also, they had previously told me that they could help me fill out the paperwork to try to get the ex's parental rights taken away. I called again the next day to find out what to bring with me and they said "we don't help with that here. You have to be re-married for at least a year and the new husband has to be willing to adopt the children.

This isn't going to help you but I have posted over and over again NOT to get legal advice from Court Clerks. Many of them don't know, many of them guess, some of them just give whatever answer comes to them to get you off the phone.

You almost have to look at the Law or, of course, ask an Attorney.

It was the Family Law Facilitator I spoke to, not the filing clerk. Aren't they supposed to know the law?

It was the Family Law Facilitator I spoke to, not the filing clerk. Aren't they supposed to know the law?



Yes. "Supposed" may be the operative word here. :)