I am a sixteen year old girl and want ot live with my mother. My parents divorced when I was 4 years old and my dad got full custody. When I was four MONTHS old, I moved in with my grandmother (paternal) and lived there until I was ten, at which time I moved in with my father and new wife. I had problems with my step-mother, so I moved back in with my grandparents when I was 13. Ever since the divorce, my father and grandmother (paternal) have been saying bad stuff about my mother, bad mouthing her, saying she didn't love me, telling myself and my brothers she owed more back child support on us than she did, and then lying to my mother when she asked to visit us, saying we had plans.

I am now having serious problems with my father and grandparents because I found out they have been lying to me, my brothers, and my mother and would like to move in with my mother. She has recently paid off more than half her back child support, is paying off the rest very, very soon (we're talking weeks), and wants me to live with her.

I'd like to know what we have to do in order to get me to live here. My father refuses to let me stay at her house, saying she is a bad influence and I have no rules (which is completely untrue. I live by more rules at my mother's than at my grandparent's house.) and I'm not sure if just refusing to leave her house would work, or if she'd get in trouble. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

She might get in trouble if you did that, yes.

What has to happen is that your mom needs to go into court and file for a change of custody. She would state her reasoning, your father would state his, and in most states, the judge would ask your opinion on the matter.

After being given all that information, the judge will determine what he feels is best for you and issue that order.

It is your mothers responsibility to petition the court for custody.
As a minor you have little if any say in the matter.
If she is unfit as your father alleges,he would have to prove that to the family court judge.

Your mother would have to petition the court for a change in custody. By your posting it seems that you are at your mother's house right now and are considering just not leaving. That would probably be a mistake. It would make it seem as if your mother is not holding to the custody agreement and could be held in contempt of court for interfering with custody. That is not something she wants to do if she wants to petition for a change in custody. It would look bad.

To address another issue that you bring up - there are a lot of things that go on behind the scenes of a divorce that the children aren't aware of and it's hard to say what the truth is. Usually the truth lies somewhere in the middle of everything that children hear. For a father to get full custody 12 years ago - was no easy thing. It's hard being the custodial parent. They are the ones that deal with the day to day drama of a teenager's life and frequently the non-custodial parent can look like the "fun" parent. Understand - this may not be your situation - I really don't know. But at 16, you are old enough to try and look at the situation from that perspective.

There is a lot of "talking" going on in front of you, from both sides from what I hear you saying. None of which should be going on. I say both sides because in your post - you say "we", which I understand to be your mother and you. One thing you could do in the meantime, is to speak to your father and your grandparents and calmly ask them to please keep their opinions of your mother to themselves, explaining that it really hurts you to hear all of that. Then tell your mother that if she would like to attempt a change in custody to see her attorney. While all of that is going on - enjoy your visits to your mother's house and realize that you will be an adult soon.

Sorry this sounds like a lecture. It isn't meant to. But - I am a mom and this is what I do.