So, Ive known this girl online for over a year now. We met quite randomly but we quickly became great company to each other. My first message to her was quite abrupt about wanting to take her out on a date I told her I thought she was hot.

After a couple messages back and forth we realized that we were an ocean apart. The relationship still blossomed quite healthy. We had plans to hook up and meet and see how each other responded in person. Only I did something very stupid got scared and hid for 4 months.

I felt really bad about abandoning her. I only did it because I wanted her to make more of her own choices and not feel like she was tied to me. I also couldn't stand to say it to her because I didn't want to hurt her. I sent her a message apologizing and asked her not to hate me.

She accepted my apology and we began to talk again. With the same goals in mind still this time I am sure this is what I want.

In the time I was gone she had planned a vacation to another country not with me. "Not that I should be jealous of that" only when she came back she seemed to be more in love with her vacation destination than with me when she left.

Now she doesn't seem half as interested in me, she still expresses the same plans and goals only now it seems like I have been put on the back shelf. We used to talk so frequently online now she doesn't have the time. Even when she is at work she makes me wait an hour sometimes longer for a simple response when I know she is at her desk. *the time difference is almost 12hours. I flip my life upside down to talk to her"

This is the girl who said she would have my children. We discussed many things about the future. And all though I haven't actually said it directly. I told her that I have considered matrimony and that I could see myself wanting to get to know her.

This is the girl I want to marry and the last thing I need to be doing is being creating false ideas in my head.

If anyone has any insight on this I would be interested to see how you perceive it. The last thing I want to do is ruin this. She is perfect for me.

Wait a minute... you want to marry a girl, she wants to have your children, and you have never even met face to face? Did I read this right? How can someone be perfect for you when all you know is their "cyber" personality?

Yes, We used to spend about 12 hours a night talking. I have seen countless pictures of her. We get along great. I am not sure what initially attracted her to me but it blossomed quite well.

So, you have never actually gone and met this girl yet? How can you say that you want to do all of these things with her, when you have not actually gone and met her?

Long Distance Relationships are very hard to maintain. There needs to be a delicate balance of contact in order to keep them going. When you vanished for 4 months, she probably thought you lost all interest and moved on.

In order to have a healthy relationship there needs to be a mental AND physical connection. Until both exist, there is no relationship.

If I was talking to a girl on the internet, and she just dropped off the face of the earth, I wouldn't think twice about continuing on with my own life and finding someone closer to my physical location.

I think you should re-evaluate your thinking here and try and meet someone who lives at least somewhere you can drive to.

The beauty of the internet is that you can be anyone/anything you want, and most likely never have to answer for it. I am sorry, but I just find it a bit premature to think that this is your "soul mate" without having EVER met face to face.

That is exactly right. There are a lot of phonies out there. Not saying she is, but you should definitely exercise some sort of caution and not fling yourself headlong into something that may not ever be realized, or may just be a flat out lie.

It's not that we think we are soul mates. We have every intention of meeting face to face. We just discussed future goals to work towards. The idea of kids came up sort of off topic. Its not like we force the conversation in this direction. We seem to want the same things.

You said yourself you think she is "perfect" for you. I just think that is a bit premature. A LOT of people want children, family, good job, etc. etc. That has nothing to do with actually being compatible with one another.

She is "perfect" for me. We sat and talked for hours upon hours. We have what a lot of people want in a relationship. A healthy level of conversation. We haven't complicated things with sex.

Only now after her vacation that healthy level of conversation is starting to dwindle while she still expresses the same interest.

So what is going on with the face-to-face meeting?

Face to face meetings are crucial to gage the true demeanor and personality of someone you meet online.

I met a girl online a few weeks back. She was very sweet and smart. We had things in common and I could have easily fallen for her if we just talked through email. When I met her, I knew what she looked like and all, but when I started actually talking to her I realized that I really wasn't feeling the chemistry. We have since stopped talking to each other.

However, the knowledge I gain from that one experience has helped me in others.

It is easy to live in a fantasy world such as the internet. Meeting someone online, you can be someone that the other person cannot really get a good feel on. There is a ceiling of expectations. So, we develop this grand idea of what the person is, and we go with it, regardless of how realistic our view may be. The sticker comes when we finally meet that person, as usually our expectations are far above and beyond who the person actually turns out to be. It is a mental puzzle that usually dooms things of this nature.

^^ I agree 100% as someone who had this exact thing happen!

I was just laid off. All the money I had been able to put aside is being spent on neccesaties.

I have interviews to get back to work. But the face to face meeting for be for another couple months now.

Focus on your real world problems, and the "e-problems" go for now. You have bigger issues to deal with. Good luck!

I know I shouldn't try to worry myself with her problems. She is going to do what she wants to do anyway. I just don't want to let her go because we have spent countless hours talking to her and I really want to meet her.

All you people are telling me is to let her go, this is the exact opposite of help. Regardless thank you for your input.

Honestly, I really think you guys are to far away for this to work out in anyone's favor. The distance is HUGE and flying anywhere over seas is extremely expensive.

Try to find someone closer that you click with. It will be much more rewarding, easier to maintain and have a way better chance to grow into something your looking for.

Just like KC said, concentrate on getting another job and less on worrying about the cyber-relationship.

I know I shouldn't try to worry myself with her problems. She is going to do what she wants to do anyway. I just dont want to let her go because we have spent countless hours talking to her and I really want to meet her.

All you people are telling me is to let her go, this is the exact opposite of help. Regardless thank you for your input.

I'm sorry. Did you want me to tell you to go pursue your fantasy girl on the internet while you are unemployed?

Go then! Good luck. Sorry we took time out of our day to try and help you realize the reality of your situation!

Fantasy girl? Sounds to me like you wish you could meet someone you care half as much about. I am more less asking for help on why she has suddenly turned quiet and you tell me to stop trying to contact her. I don't think this is what we want.

I just want to know how to deal with these insecurities that her suddenly turned silent means and what you think they mean.

NO ONE has any clue as to what they mean! The only thing YOU know about her is revolved around the internet. How could anyone possibly come up with a realistic opinion of what her behavior suggests? Perhaps her feelings have changed, perhaps she has met another guy, I DO NOT KNOW.

You see that's the kind of answer I was looking for. Only you need to relax and stop getting so worried over me. Sorry I upset you this is not what I intended to do. This is a help forum and I am asking for help.

Usually when someone doesn't reply, it means they are not interested. If it takes them a long time to reply, they are not as interested in you as you think they are.

Thank you this is exactly why I came here to ask. I took a step back to read what everyone has said. I don't want to say any of the input here is right or wrong. It is all insightful. Sometimes love is blind.

If you counted the hours we've spent together I think you might understand.

When I initially came back from the break the relationship was very strong. It was for a few months up until she had returned from vacation. Now she seems to be more interested in something else I can't put my finger on.

She has never lied to me once from the best I can tell. She doesn't believe in leading people on or cheating in a relationship. We have both had relationships in the past where we were cheated on. I am pretty sure she would tell me if something is up in that category. She logs on everyday and initially messages me first. I don't try to crowed her. Only she just doesn't seem to have time to talk.

She ignores a lot of small chatter now. If I decide to go to bed though she is usually pretty to respond tell me she loves and wishes a good night.

Its very confusing to me. I have read a lot of articles on behavior of women and I think its safe to say no man or women knows exactly what they want.

We do still show interest for each other. Its just much harder to get the same kind of responses that should we just easily divulge on

If she is ignoring you, and not responding right away, she could also be talking with other people as well. Its very easy to hide things on the internet.

OK I'm not going to tell you that online relationships don't work. I met my boyfriend online. We lived 14 hours apart. I now live with him. But the girl your talking to is over seas. One of you is going to have to be willing to leave everything you know behind. I can promise you that is not easy. I honestly believe you can not know if someone is perfect for you unless you are around them. People are a lot different in person that just on the phone or online. I wish you luck in your relationship but its not going to be easy. Especially when its time for you two to live together. Are you willing to move overseas away from your family for a girl?

And I didn't read all of your post before. There is no reason for you to stop talking to her, there is nothing wrong with you two just being friends. But I don't think you should expect to spend the rest of your life with her without thinking about everything first. I don't know why she isn't talking to you as much as before. It really could be anything, maybe she realized what I'm trying to tell you and wants to make herself back off so it doesn't get too serious.

We have decided that I will be the one who will be going to visit first. She is currently trying to save for school which is going to be expensive. We have also decided that we will move to a different country together. She doesn't particularly like where she is located.

I guess maybe just back off a bit. I think the comments about being premature are probably correct. Even though we have spent so many hours together and it feels like the right thing. We really don't know our chemistry.

I love this girl I know it's love. I'm just worried I have been blinded by it.

The conversation about kids was an accident we shared similar ideas it just connected. I don't feel that I have rushed it although perhaps I have.

You don't want to move to a different country where you don't know anyone. I don't doubt that you love her. Its entirely possible, but I think you should talk to her and find out what she wants. I really think you should just tell her you think it would be best if you two just remained friends.

The thought of just being friends with her makes lip stiff. I really see us as more. I'm going to try to talk to her about it tonight. I appreciate all the angles on the topic.

She also says that she loves the way I talk to her. No one else has treated her as well as I have. But she is so quiet I jush wish I could be in her shoes for day.

I understand I really do. I've sort of been in this situation before. But I don't think you will be as happy as you think you will if you move that far away from your family. By the way how old are you

We are both in our mid twenties. Still lots of time to grow.

I just really appreciate everything about this girl. I want to do what's in our best interest.

As well. I grew up in alone pretty much. My parents divorced and my mom worked 3-11 and my siblings had moved out. I am pretty sure I can accept the sacrifice of being close to my family. It's not something I have ever had really. But that is much longer and much different story.

My home life sucked. I hated being there, I was pretty upset everyday. I just was not happy at all. So I decided to move all the way to New York from South Carolina to be with my boyfriend because he made me happy and I needed that. But everyday I miss my home, I miss my family. I don't understand what I miss, but I do miss them a lot. And its really hard every time I leave them, because I can't stand to watch them cry.

But you went and lived BF, how long did you talk prior before you knew it's what you wanted to do.

Out of all the things I can miss I miss my childhood with my father. Something I didn't have and can't reacreate. Only to be there for my children so they don't have to live with the same ordeals and trials.

I think about this girl everyday when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. There is never a day where I am not thinking about her the better half of it.

Its pretty sad when the best childhood memory you have is crying on your dads shoulder because you didn't want to go back home after christmas. I missed the best things in my life.

I don't want to miss this girl too. She has projected herself as everything I have ever wanted in a girl. We both want to know each other on a personal level, or she claims. But lately its been like I am no longer part of her day.

I knew my boyfriend for over 2 years before I moved in with him. It was almost 2 years when I decided that's what I wanted to do. If it had been overseas I couldn't have done it. I'm sure people do it. I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm just telling you what I think.

I know that you aren't trying to tell me what to do. I really appreciate everyone who comes here and adds their input to the topic. No 2 people think the same there for the same answer may not reflect or work as well with others. I came here for advice not for the answer. And I am thankful for anyone who has added their input.