I am 25, I know; still young. But I was in a relationship with someone who I considered my soulmate for 6 years. He proposed to me 2 Christmas's ago and we were very happy, planned our wedding, and were to be married this April on the 4th. Well about 5 months ago we moved in with a couple that we have known for about 6 years, his best friend and his wife. We felt bad about the situation they were in because they were living in a VERY bad part of town, drug dealers and vandals lived just across the way from them so myself and my (ex) fiance' decided it might be a good idea for us to move into a place with them, it would benefit us financial wise and them as well to get them out of the situation they were in. Well anyway we moved into a very nice little 3 bedroom home and were all pretty happy till about 2 months later, She and I would constantly fight about everything, she would be verbally abusive towards my dog, because he is a puppy and would have accidents sometimes, would butt into mine and my (ex) fiance's business constantly and even put her ear up to the door some nights while him and I would be alone, or argue or whenever we would have the door closed. Also her husband, slowly started to steal my fiance' away from me. He would be in the garage for HOURS at a time with him talking about who knows what, and wouldn't come in until 3-4 in the morning. My ex, has bipolar disorder and is not on medication, So when I would try to communicate with him how the situations were making me feel he would ignore them and get really angry saying he didn't want to be a part of it, that all he wanted was to have no drama in his life. He blew up at me frequently because I would complain about us never spending anytime together and would defend his friend and never defend me when we would have any kind of an argument about them. I suggested us working on our relationship and he was very enthusaistic about it, but it would be always be on his terms and his terms alone. Every time I would suggest us going somewhere, just him and I, he would end up inviting our roommates along, feeling badly because they never got to go anywehre. When we would be in bed together there was always a constant knock on the door from one or the other. So one day I threatened to leave and he didn't even try to stop me. Before we moved in with these people we were happy, we hardly had an issue between us, than, Im not sure what happened, we were constantly fighting, he would never spend time with me anymore, he rebelled even against our dog because she was complaining about him. So I moved, thinking that maybe him and I could work out our differences without me living there since we could go places alone now and talk alone. But it didn't end up that way. We ended up calling off the wedding, saying we should work on us and get back to each other before we get married, things were going well for a few weeks and I thought postponing the wedding would help us in communicating better and just being a couple again, and he did too but than he started, again to pay more attention to his garage buddy, would cancel any plans we would have, would tell me he made plans with him already. Said he still wanted to work things out and be with me but wouldn't even try, he started to become distant again and than one day it was just done. We both decided to end it since we both couldn't come to a common ground on how to work on our relationship. I am just so confused still though. I don't know if maybe he got a taste of the single life by spending so much time in the garage or what it was but now I'm stuck with this empty feeling and longing to know what went wrong. I miss him everyday. We still talk, and are civil with one another but I don't know if we can ever regain what we had back now that he is still living with them. I know I shouldn't use them as an excuse, if he really loved me he wouldn't care who he lived with, he would try no matter what. But how do you try and make things work again when so much has been broken and with someone with bipolerism who won't go on meds they are already broken to an extent anyway. Im just so confused and lost, should I leave him alone? Not talk to him? Should I try and be friends with him and let things happen the way they are going to happen no matter the outcome? I just am lost and don't know what to do. I mean there is so much more to this story and him and I but just from the basics can someone please give me some suggestions? I am trying to move on and its been over a month now and I can't seem to.
Anyone who can give me some advice I would appreciate it.
Thank you.
Nikki

I don't know. I'll tell you as soon as I figure it out.

Hi Nikki,

Welcome to AMHD! I'm sorry to hear about you're the situation you are going through. It's going to take time to get over your ex. How much? I don't really know, but with each day that passes, you will get stronger. I know you are hurting, but you know, it's a damn good thing you found out your ex's true colors before marrying him.

In my opinion you should always take the side of your partner when it comes to serious arguments between them and other people unless they are either being completely unreasonable or they have facts wrong. (at the end of the day who would you rather have mad at you, your friend or partner)

He acknowledges the problem but make no attempt to fix it. You are in a battle to save this relationship and you are the only one fighting, he seems contempt to just sit idle and let it die. If this relationship is to be saved then that has to change and he also has to start fighting to save it otherwise things are not going to improve.

If you do decide that enough is enough and decide to try to move on then I think limited contact is the way to go until you are ready to move on. You say it has only been a month, no one heal from a serious relationship in a month, especially one that still isn't officially over.

You need to know it takes more than a month after all the time you spent together. Slowly rebuilding your own life will be hard but start now. The healing process is slow and hard, but will eventually get you there.