Hi there,

My friend recommended this site to me since I am coping with some questions that I would like some help with. I'll try to explain my situation as clear as possible. :)

I've been together with my boyfriend since November last year. Everything sort of went really fast. I sort of liked him, but not like liked. I considered him as a friend from work (that's how I know him, we both work in the same place). We talked a lot, and went out for some food once. All in all we had good contact. Then one night I was off early, and so was he. So I asked him if he felt like going somewhere to grab a bite. He agreed and then suggested that we could go out with some friends of his after that. I didn't have any plans for that night, so I agreed. Seemed like a fun idea to me.

So we went out to a bar with some friends, had a good time etc. Then it was time to say goodbye (since it was 3am and the bar was closing). Turned out we needed the same bus to go home. So we waited for the bus. While waiting I sat on his lap (there was no other free seat). I got a bit comfortable and so did he, and we sort of held hands and he had his arm around me. Then the bus came and we got on it. When it was my stop, it was time to say goodnight. He wanted to kiss me on the cheek (as friends), but I went for it and kissed him on the mouth.

The next day at work we kissed a few times again. I didn't know about what I was going to find out next. I received an SMS from him, that was meant for a friend of his (one that also went out drinking with us). It said something like "Hey we just kissed again, I sent S. a text message that we need to talk. Help what should I do?". So I was curious... Who is S. After work I questioned him. S. was his girlfriend. I felt so ty. I wanted to sink through the ground. But I already started to like him a lot, I wanted to be with this guy.

So OK, he broke up a few days later with her (after 3 years) and then started a relationship with me. All seemed so perfect to me. We think alike, we have the same interests, I feel really comfortable when I'm with him. Until a few weeks ago. I started to notice some change of behaviour. He started acting mean to me, like he was pushing me away.

Yesterday I found out why. He still has feelings for his ex girlfriend and misses her. I asked him if he regrets the choice he made... His answer hurt me, he said sometimes I do. He misses her, he misses the things they had, and he misses the future that he could have had with her. He also said some things that comforted me a lot, like that he loves me more than her. And that he is trying, but it is difficult.

So here I am. I feel so awkward. I have no idea what to do. I'm starting to have doubts about our relationship. Is it right? Should I stop? I don't want to stop, although it may be better if I do. I came in between them, I took him away from his girlfriend. But I didn't do much wrong. When I kissed him that day, I didn't know he had a girlfriend. I thought that I was falling in love with a single guy.

But the main question I have is, will he be able to move on? Since I know he thinks about the past a lot, and doesn't really have high hopes for his own future. I want to help him out in any way that I can.

But if he wants to be with me, he will need to leave his past behind him. I don't mind if he wants to stay friends with his ex. But I don't want to make him choose either. I had a talk with him about this matter yesterday, but there are still many things that are bugging me.

Thank you for reading my story, and I hope that someone can help me out here. I would really appreciate it. If I need to explain things in more detail, let me know.

Chocobo

As someone who has been in his shoes, he really does need some time to himself. Not with her, not with you, but time to find out what it is HE really wants.

How long has it been since the break-up? Do you really want to be that re-bound girl?

He broke up with her in November last year, then we stared going together in November last year (the same day of the break-up). So almost 5 months. He broke up with his ex girlfriend to be with me.

I was thinking I should take some distance as well. Since he sees me a lot and he barely sees her. (last time he saw her was in November last year as well)

I think that space would be a good thing for the both of you. He will see you often enough, but at least sometime for him to figure out where he stands. He really didn't take anytime to figure out what he wanted, just jumped for a the grass is greener on the other side.

Do you want to be with someone who will after three years walk away, not face and deal with the relationship problems, but instead walk away for a new relationship?

I think I will do that Justwantfair. I'm going to have a talk with him tonight about this, and suggest a break. See what he thinks about it. I usually spend the weekends over at his place, but tomorrow I'm going away for a weekend with some friends. Good time for me as well to think things over as well...

What do I really want? In the end I want what is best for myself, no matter how much I love him.

Good for you. Things will work out the way they are supposed to. Compliments for taking the time to know and understand what the implications could be to going forward in this fashion. Good luck to you and God bless.

You can't expect anyone to jump from one person to another, without some sort of emotional fallout.

JTB, is right, a break is in order as this sudden relationship is going too fast and at a heavy emotional cost to you both.

More you than him, because your the one tripping on his honesty. He seems to be dealing with it, since he hasn't seen the ex.

Its you who has questions, and can't handle the answers, and that's a big red flag, someone is insecure, when the don't hear what they want, meaning you.

Your also putting it on him, which isn't fair either. Sorry but that's what I see.