My ex-girlfriend decided to breakup with me 2 days after valentines because we had an argument. She said she got tired of constant arguying with me and asked me if we could be friends and take a break.

I told her I cannot be friends but I would allow a break. She did this over the phone which I find being a cowardly act and shallow. Later that evening I wrote her an e-mail telling her I blocked her on msn and deleted her from my Facebook. She replied saying that she did not want me to block her litteraly out of my life and that knowing I would still be around for her would be comforting.

She then text messaged me the same thing, and I replied ''Are we on a break or not?'' and she replied ''Ok I won't text message you anymore''. About 8 days later she e-mailed me : '' Hi just wanted to drop a line saying Hello, I am doing OK and I hope you are too, Give me some news, if you don't want to I completely understand.'' I did not reply right away. I waited exactly a week and I wrote '' I am OK now, glad you are too, are you enjoying the break?'' and she never replied to this e-mail.

4 weeks later I had an apointment at the dental clinic where she works as receptionist. So I had to see her, no choice. The minute I went in, she greeted me like if nothing happened, '' Hello how are you? how are you doing?'' and she looked happy and like she moved on. I was feeling horrible, I tried to keep the conversation short and just be polite and didn't ask her too many questions. She told me she gained weight and I told her I lost weight and back to the gym. When I was done, she gave me my next apointment and said ''See you in 3 weeks! ''. I just froze and gave her a look and said OK bye and left. I was feeling really weird after that and my legs were shaking while waiting for the elevator.

I think I did the right thing with the no contact rule, but I regret that I went back to the clinic. I am going to ask the dentist if I can see her at the other clinic so I do not see my ex ever again.

So now it is week number 7 and next Friday I have an apointment and I might see her again. I hope it's the last time cause it really hurts.

Do you guys think no contact really helps? Or am I kidding myself and just making her get more distant and maybe both of us will lose any feelings left for each other.
Aynways if one of my e-mails I told her to never contact me again unless she wanted to come back.

Yes it does help by allowing you to free yourself from the emotional baggage over time. It sounds like you two both need time to yourselves to find out what you really want and see what life has to offer.

Just keep sticking to NC. IF she wants to comeback, she will. She has to make this decision because she is the one who initiated the break-up. Best thing for you to do is disappear and enjoy being single for now. Every time you contact her, you give up a little more dignity and self-worth. Don't send anymore emails or initiate anymore conversation, because chances are you will make this worse for both of you.

If you were always arguing ,what has this 2 month separation accomplished that makes getting back an option in your book?

You did not work out the issues that caused the arguing since you were not together ,you did not solve any problems.

She hasn't contacted you in an email for a reconciliation so I assume that to mean she has already moved on.

I think it in your best interest to do the same. Unless you are willing to wait forever for that email.

Sorry,it does not sound hopeful.

Sad fact of life my friend: people come and go, all of the time. The issues that surround these actions are meaningless if you don't focus on the root cause of them.

NC does work, but not as a game, more so as a reality check, and path to find out who you really are.

Thanks for the quick replies.

Artlady, we argued about money a lot and she was expecting me to pay for everything when we went out, but I lost my job in January, so I told her I could not spoil her anymore, with unemployment insurance I could pay my bills and spend a little. Also we were spending a lot of time with her friends and her family and a lot less time together as a couple. On Friday the 13th right before valentines, she broke plans with me to go to the movies with her friends, and canceled our Friday night movies at home night. She then told me she felt suffocated. She told me I was her first serious relationship and she found it hard because I was easily offended and I am sensitive. All I asked was a little respect, like always respected her. I just can't stand when a girl breaks plans at the last minute with me, it's lack of respect.

If you were always arguing ,what has this 2 month separation accomplished that makes getting back an option in your book?

You did not work out the issues that caused the arguing since you were not together ,you did not solve any problems.

She hasn't contacted you in an email for a reconciliation so I assume that to mean she has already moved on.

I think it in your best interest to do the same. Unless you are willing to wait forever for that email.

Sorry,it does not sound hopeful.

Yes I think she has moved on for sure, but do you think she might still have feelings? I mean sometimes after we break up and the anger is gone, sometimes we can regret of leaving someone. It has happen to me before, I dated this girl back in the 90's we laster 8 years. We broke up a few times and got back together even after a year of no contact.

While your feelings are fresh, you made a decision, and should stick to it.

She was not willing to work with you, and really doesn't care about your side of the issues confronting you. That's why your broken up!

If you keep No Contact, and heal, and move on, you will be in a better frame of mind, than you are now, and if she does decide to comeback, you can make that decision for yourself, with a healthy, clear mind, and heart.

No contact with her until then. If you see her at the dentist office, polite but unavailable, short, and sweet. As you did before. Changing office sites can't hurt either.

Yes it does help by allowing you to free yourself from the emotional baggage over time. It sounds like you two both need time to yourselves to find out what you really want and see what life has to offer.

Just keep sticking to NC. IF she wants to comeback, she will. She has to make this decision because she is the one who initiated the break-up. Best thing for you to do is disappear and enjoy being single for now. Every time you contact her, you give up a little more dignity and self-worth. Don't send anymore emails or initiate anymore conversation, because chances are you will make this worse for both of you.

I totally agree with you, that's why I decided no contact right away, immediately after the break up. I was tempted to beg her to meet me in person but I did not fall into that trap.
I figure if she decided to take a break, it's up to her now to comeback and at the same time I will know if she really loved me and if we were marriage material or not.

Aynways if one of my e-mails i told her to never contact me again unless she wanted to come back.

That wasn't the smartest thing to say. That just gave her all the power to make the decision.


thanks for the quick replies.

Artlady, we argued about money a lot and she was expecting me to pay for everything when we went out, but i lost my job in january, so i told her i could not spoil her anymore, with unemployment insurance i could pay my bills and spend a little. Also we were spending a lot of time with her friends and her family and a lot less time together as a couple. on friday the 13th right before valentines, she broke plans with me to go to the movies with her friends, and canceled our friday night movies at home night. She then told me she felt suffocated. She told me i was her first serious relationship and she found it hard because i was easily offended and i am sensitive. All i asked was a little respect, like always respected her. I just can't stand when a girl breaks plans at the last minute with me, it's lack of respect.
Sounds like she just tried to do whatever she could to piss you off. Breaking plans last minute is disrespectful no matter who it is, I'd be pissed if one of my buddy's did it. So clearly, she knew what she was doing.

Yeah, getting back together is always possible, anything is possible. But Jesus man, she doesn't sound like much of a catch. I'd want a girl to be real with me, not one that tests and tries to strike a nerve with me constantly.

While your feelings are fresh, you made a decision, and should stick to it.

She was not willing to work with you, and really doesn't care about your side of the issues confronting you. Thats why your broken up!


Your right about that! She was not willing to put effort in the relationship. She often threatened to break up with me when we had arguments, she always wanted to bail out. I think it was a form of manipulation or control that if things were not her way, it was an argument followed by ''let's go each our way''. Basically I think it was a very low interest level from her part and mine was higher. So I felt often in an unbalanced relationship.

She was 29 and I am 36 by the way, she said I am a very nice guy and she is a B**CH and she does not want to be in a serious relationship at the moment. I guess she wants to go back to her casual ways and not ready for commitment.

Yes i think she has moved on for sure, but do you think she might still have feelings? I mean sometimes after we break up and the anger is gone, sometimes we can regret of leaving someone. It has happen to me before, i dated this girl back in the 90's we laster 8 years. We broke up a few times and got back together even after a year of no contact.

It depends on the people involved.

Of course some people do reconcile if and when they have worked on their issues.
Some people close the door and that's it.

You gave her a chance to get back if she wanted to .All she had to do was send an email.
She has chosen not to do that.

I think it is time for you to stop holding out hope.Sorry,I don't mean to be cruel but that is just the way I see it.

That wasn't the smartest thing to say. That just gave her all the power to make the decision.


True, your right, I also told her that I still love her no matter what happened and I still want to be with her. I admit this was a mistake of my part because it no good to show your emotions, but I said this right after we broke up, in the first e-mail freshly after the breakup. So I think emotions were still high and I wasn't thinking right.

I'm thinking of writing a final e-mail after the last time I see her next week. Saying that I wish her all the best and there won't be a comeback or reconciliation because I am moving on and I'm cutting the strings, I don't want her to string me along and keeping this false hope will only hurt me more in the long run.

The things is I am confused to if she wanted a break or a breakup. That's why I am having trouble getting this closure. She did not say it's over final period. She said let's take a break and be friends, but I refused the friendship, so does that mean for her it's a breakup since I refused to keep contact?

The things is I am confused to if she wanted a break or a breakup.
Why do you leave it to her to decide where this thing is headed. She doesn't want you back, unless its crawling, pathetic, and ready to do as she want. Its a break up don't be silly.



That's why I am having trouble getting this closure

You have closure by leaving her alone, and being good to yourself, and happy who you are without her. What do you want? Her cursing you out, and telling you to get out of her life?? That's not her style (nor most females) Her actions speak volumes, pay attention, that's your closure, without a doubt.

She did not say it's over final period.
Yes she did, you just aren't paying attention.

She said let's take a break and be friends,
Translation- No more boyfriend/ girlfriend, but we can say high and not hate each other.

but I refused the friendship, so does that mean for her it's a breakup since I refused to keep contact?
That only confirmed to you, not her, that the romance is dead, and you don't want to say hi and bye. It was a break up to her from the minute she said "lets be friends".

No emails, just disappear, until your appointment, and disappear again.

Its really that simple, with less drama. Just think on it.

The break and friends thing is just an attempt to lay the soft blow on the breakee.

Break=Break-up

Friends < Boyfriend in your case since you were her BF and want to get back to that level.

Being demoted, no matter what the scenario, sucks and the person getting the demotion is rarely happy. This is why you must walk away, with your closure being that she doesn't want to be with you anymore and her feelings toward you as a lover have gone away.

She was just trying to be nice and soften the blow to protect your feelings. For some reason, people think this works but it doesn't. It usually leads to the type of confusion you are experiencing. Things like this are best handled in a cut and dry manner, but when emotions get in the way, this hardly happens.

The break and friends thing is just an attempt to lay the soft blow on the breakee.

Break=Break-up

Friends < Boyfriend in your case since you were her BF and want to get back to that level.

Being demoted, no matter what the scenario, sucks and the person getting the demotion is rarely happy. This is why you must walk away, with your closure being that she doesn't want to be with you anymore and her feelings toward you as a lover have gone away.

She was just trying to be nice and soften the blow to protect your feelings. For some reason, people think this works but it doesn't. It usually leads to the type of confusion you are experiencing. Things like this are best handled in a cut and dry manner, but when emotions get in the way, this hardly happens.

The way I see it, I was never demoted since I did not accept it and cut all contact with her. I think it happened for a reason and I will be better off than trying to make something work which seems impossible since she did not make any effort. She once told me she never got dumped, and I said to myself, damn maybe I should dump her when I see things not going good. I had a gut feeling and I got red flags during the relationship that's lasted 15 months. She game me ultimatums very early for example: ''if we do not travel this relationship won't work'' ''If you don't pay everything when we go out for dinner or movies this relationship will not work''. So now I see when a woman says that, she does not care much about you, her NEEDS are more important. And if you do not give her those, she will find another man who will.

Why do you leave it to her to decide where this thing is headed. She doesn't want you back, unless its crawling, pathetic, and ready to do as she want. Its a break up don't be silly.



I want to send her the final e-mail so I don't have hope anymore, the cut of the strings.
And so she will not try to communicate with me ever again.
So she will know I moved on too. And I will never see her again at the clinic.
I never see my ex's again after a breakup. It's my rule.
And no contact forever after that.

Jeave her alone and do your best to stay away from her.

You can tell how much someone cares about when your facing hard times. If you lose your job of course you wouldn't be able to splur as much because your on a budget. If she couldn't accept nor understood it than yes your better off without because she's all about what you can do for her. Once you shouldn't spend as much as you use to than the argument started which lead to her wanting to break-up, screw her your better off without her.

You don't have to send her nothing that is what distanting yourself from her is for.

Most likely if you send her a "final" email she would just more likely think your doing the opposite.

If you were always arguing ,what has this 2 month separation accomplished that makes getting back an option in your book?

You did not work out the issues that caused the arguing since you were not together ,you did not solve any problems.

She hasn't contacted you in an email for a reconciliation so I assume that to mean she has already moved on.

I think it in your best interest to do the same. Unless you are willing to wait forever for that email.

Sorry,it does not sound hopeful.

Maybe we need more time for reconciliation, sometimes it can take months, after really missing the other person. Maybe the fact she saw me at the clinic she did not miss me enough. Maybe after 3 or 4 months she will feel the emptyness or maybe she won't.
Only time will tell. The reason why we could not work out the issues is that I tried very hard. But she wants things her way, she does not do any compromises, since she has low interest, why should she make the effort? She does not care much, it's obvious to me.

I think she has never experienced being on the other side of the situation, since she always dumped the guys she dated, I think she always got things her way. I tried hard I swear, but at one point I said, I am not a doormat and my patience has a limit. So when I confronted her that's what triggered the arguments.

Jeave her alone and do your best to stay away from her.

You can tell how much someone cares about when your facing hard times. If you lose your job of course you wouldn't be able to splur as much because your on a budget. If she couldn't accept nor understood it than yes your better off without because she's all about what you can do for her. Once you shouldn't spend as much as you use to than the argument started which lead to her wanting to break-up, screw her your better off without her.

I agree with you 100% in hard times true love really shows. I feel like she abandoned ship, in a way this was a test for me, if we were married this probably would have been a divorce. The other test was our trip to mexico back in September. She was acting very cold and distant, not hugging or cuddling with me anymore and not kissing me with passion, just a peck or a superficial kiss. These were flags which I did not take seriously enough. They say a trip is a way of seeing if you going to make it or break it. I know I will be better without her, yet something keeps giving ideas that maybe one day will regret what she did and want to reconciliate because this was her first serious relationship and I am the first guy she introduced to her family and friends.

I am just going to keep no contact and move on, I deleted her number on my cell, deleted from Facebook, blocked on msn. I know sending that final email is tempting and will help me get closure, but I won't do it. They say silence is power, and I have the power right now. The power to move on and ignore. I did not end it, so I will never live with regret or guilt. It's her loss, I know by experience when you lose the good one, it's hard to get them back.

You don't have to send her nothing that is what distanting yourself from her is for.

Most likely if you send her a "final" email she would just more likely think your doing the opposite.

Your right Liz, I won't.
I realize now we didn't have anything in comon and she has this idea of chivalry that the man has to pay everything. I am more for equality, sharing. I believe that I should not feel obliged to pay but do it out of pleasure, and I did not feel this way with her. Because when I did not pay she would get offended and pout for hours.

She wanted a relationship based on her terms and often gave me ultimatums which I hated so much. She is not a flexible giver , more a high maitenance taker. She will never change, and I will just waste my time and energy. She often told me she wanted to be spoiled and wanted to go out a lot and travel a lot. My goal is more to settle down put some money aside and start a family.

You both where obviously on different pages, and wanted different things. That happens a lot. Better luck next time.

Yes it does help by allowing you to free yourself from the emotional baggage over time. It sounds like you two both need time to yourselves to find out what you really want and see what life has to offer.

Just keep sticking to NC. IF she wants to comeback, she will. She has to make this decision because she is the one who initiated the break-up. Best thing for you to do is disappear and enjoy being single for now. Every time you contact her, you give up a little more dignity and self-worth. Don't send anymore emails or initiate anymore conversation, because chances are you will make this worse for both of you.

Do you think time can make 2 people come back? Maybe if she dates a few losers and realizes what she had, she will want it back one day? Or once they say they moved on, all feelings are gone and never come back? I know I can do no contact and still be optimist for the future, but her, I don't know if it's disconnecting her completely and ruining any chance of reconciliation. But I could not go into the friend zone, I believe it's a fake friendship, I can't handle it. I think if she has feelings for me she will come back, if not, it will be a clean breakup. :cool:

You both where obviously on different pages, and wanted different things. That happens a lot. Better luck next time.

I hear when 2 people really want to be together and love each other, different things, or being on different pages won't stop or break the relationship.

For us it was our level of interest. Mine was way up in the 80's and hers in the 20's
Maybe I became boring and less confident and less of a challenge for her and I lost control, she decided a lot what we did on week ends, I let her take control of the relationship and that was bad of my part. I know women like a man who takes charge and leads. After losing my job, it's like everything went downhill. But instead of understanding and being supportive she did the opposite and bailed out on me. Did I mention that on my birthday after our mexico trip, she gave me my present and then told me she had something to tell me. She said '' My feelings for you have changed, I don't have the same feelings for you anymore''. She said this back in September, 5 months before our breakup. I could have ended it then, but I did not want to risk going in depression and losing my job. So I decided to stay, and she finally ended it a month ago.:mad:

Sorry guy, but your grasping at straws, and the more details you give trying to convince yourself, is nothing but false hope.

Accepting it over, and doing other things with yourself, is your key to healing, as long as you leave her alone, and deal with your feelings of loss.

Doesn't matter what you heard , or even saw on TV anymore.

What matters is what you do with yourself now.

For us it was our level of interest. Mine was way up in the 80's and hers in the 20's


You're reading too many Doc Love articles. His articles do contain some truth and good advice, but trying to gage interest level is almost impossible. It's like reading somebody's mind... you only really guess. If they're interested, they're interested. If they're not, they're not. The point here is you are trying rationalize why this relationship ended, when you should be accepting that this is over and concentrating on moving forward and learning from this.


Do you think time can make 2 people come back? Maybe if she dates a few losers and realizes what she had, she will want it back one day? Or once they say they moved on, all feelings are gone and never come back?

Only time will tell... However, you can't let the remote possibility of a reconciliation with her fill your head with false hope. It is always good to be optimistic about the future, but you must be realistic. Very rarely do people ever get back together. It is not impossible, but the odds of this happening are definitely NOT in your favor.

The best thing to do is to move on with your life and make it the way you want it. When it comes to relationships, you can not worry about the ifs or the whens and the future, you should only worry about the here and now, as that is the only thing that matters.

You're here and now involves you taking steps to heal and move on from this busted relationship. It's time to think of yourself now and not about anyone else.

true, your right, i also told her that i still love her no matter what happened and i still want to be with her. i admit this was a mistake of my part because it no good to show your emotions, but i said this right after we broke up, in the first e-mail freshly after the breakup. So i think emotions were still high and i wasnt thinking right.

Happens to the best of us man.



i'm thinking of writing a final e-mail after the last time i see her next week. Saying that i wish her all the best and there wont be a comeback or reconciliation because i am moving on and im cutting the strings, i don't want her to string me along and keeping this false hope will only hurt me more in the long run.

No! Don't, no more e-mails. It's real hard to resist at first, I know, but try your best not to.



The things is i am confused to if she wanted a break or a breakup. That's why i am having trouble getting this closure. She did not say it's over final period. She said let's take a break and be friends, but i refused the friendship, so does that mean for her it's a breakup since i refused to keep contact?
Just like you admitted you made a bad decision sending her that first e-mail because you weren't thinking clearly, she more than likely said or did things because she wasn't thinking clearly either.

I'm the type of person that needs people to explain things to me clearly for me to understand. I need to know why things happen and how things work for me to really care. It's very hard for me to resist bugging any girl, even if I didn't like them, why they decided to end things between us. I can gather it is has something to do with me and all I can do is change my attitude for the better and think positive.

Happens to the best of us man.


No! Don't, no more e-mails. It's real hard to resist at first, I know, but try your best not to.


Just like you admitted you made a bad decision sending her that first e-mail because you weren't thinking clearly, she more than likely said or did things because she wasn't thinking clearly either.

I'm the type of person that needs people to explain things to me clearly for me to understand. I need to know why things happen and how things work for me to really care. It's very hard for me to resist bugging any girl, even if I didn't like them, why they decided to end things between us. I can gather it is has something to do with me and all I can do is change my attitude for the better and think positive.


Her explanation was that we argued too often, that's why she wanted out, but i don't believe it's just that, in all my relationships there was arguments and we did not break up for that reason. relationships are like weather there's sunny days and rainy days.

When i called her on valentines day twice, she was in a bad mood and wasnt talking much, so when i called her the 2nd time and her mood was the same, i said : ''Listen i don't think i will come over your place tonight, you don't sound happy and we are just going to argue and i'll leave your place pissed off again'' so i didn't go.

She called me at midnight to say that she might as well be single than be alone on valentines. I told her it was not my intention to do this but her ty attitude just pushed me back because i was sick of her pouting and her tantrums. So she said she didn't want to be in this relationship anymore and i said fine goodnight.

She called me 3 days later to confirm she wanted out, so obviously this was a phone breakup. I said OK, you want to bail out again, this is not the first time she did this by the way. When she saw I did not try to save us like I usually did, she said let's take a break and be friends.

I said OK for the break but no friends. I can't fall in that fake friendship game. So I decided NO CONTACT. It's been a month and 12 days now. In this time I only spoke to her once at the dental clinic where she works, I had an apointment. It was a very brief hello how are you and what's new, that's it.

She seemed like a different person and happy. I do not know if she was faking it or just did not want to show emotions at her work. There was only 1 patient in the waiting room and nobody else around. Maybe her emotions were gone and got over it quickly.

Anyhow the dentist told me '' she loves you very much'' which I had trouble believing, I think she was just trying to make me feel better. I am going to ask the dentist if we can arrange my next apointments at the other clinic she works cause I don't want to see her anymore, I think it's ruining the no contact rule.

Slapshot_oi, I agree with you, I am the same, I would like a clear explanation, I like things clear and no doubts or ambiguities. I want closure. But whatever, if she can't do this than she is immature and does not deserve any more attention from my part. She never got dumped so she does not know the feeling, maybe one day she will get dumped and she will be heartbroken and then she will understand how it feels.

Important lesson I learned, you can't make someone love you as much as you love them.
The signs were there, she suggested we break up more than once halfway in the relationship. Clearly her interest was fading away, she did not care anymore as much. I was probably smothering her too much and was too available and not a challenge anymore. Predictable and boring. Why? Because when a woman does not show me interest well I change and become like this. If she is not responding and not on the same frequency as me, then we not on the same channel, I can become distant too.
Just some advice I would like to give from this experience: If you see her getting distant, get double distant. Don't be too available. Girls like to miss you sometimes. She told me this sometimes after not seeing each other for 5 or 6 days, ''i missed you'', And she was more affectionate at this time. She also was more affectionate when I got her a gift.

In my head this is not healthy. I think she is accustomed to casual dating, since she never had a full time committed relationship. In casual, she probably did not spend much time with the guy and was happy to see him after a week or two. Since we were serious, she probably had a hard time seeing each other often and found it overwhelming.

What's your take on this?

Listen, if your going move on than do just that but you can't do it by having one feet inside the door and the other out. Both of your feet needs to be out of the door.

Who cares what she realizes in the future? You already saw what type of person she wasn't. She just wants you to spend, spend, and spend some more. If she really wanted to be with you she would be with you regardless or not if you lost your job.

You already stated that she is all about money. She wants you to buy her whatever she wants, take her on trips, take her out to fancy restaurants, etc While you want to save and put away for a rainy day and for your family in the future. This is why it didn't work between the two of you otherwise your would still be together, right?

Let go and move on! You live your life and let her live hers.

Listen, if your going move on than do just that but you can't do it by having one feet inside the door and the other out. Both of your feet needs to be out of the door.

Who cares what she realizes in the future? You already saw what type of person she wasn't. She just wants you to spend, spend, and spend some more. If she really wanted to be with you she would be with you regardless or not if you lost your job.

You already stated that she is all about money. She wants you to buy her whatever she wants, take her on trips, take her out to fancy resturants, etc While you want to save and put away for a rainy day and for your family in the future. This is why it didn't work between the two of you otherwise your would still be together, right?

Let go and move on! You live your life and let her live hers.

;)
Your absolutely right Liz, She lived on a day to day basis, I live for present and future. You know the fable ''The grasshopper and the ant'' ? This was exactly how we were. I worke hard to save for tomorrow and save in case of emergency or hard times (recession, loss of job, etc.. ) I spend for what I need and wisely. She was the opposite, wanted a wedding in the caribbeans, a nice diamond ring, a new car etc...

Yes I save, but I am not cheap, I also spend, I am thrifty (careful with money)
Yes in the end this is why it did not work out between us. Money.
It never was an issue for me, but it was for her. In her traditions or culture, the man always has to pay for the woman. The man is the provider.

I think it's nonesense, times have changed, women have a career and good jobs now, it should be equal, sharing. I did not earn a lot more than her and I had more bills to pay.
But like you said Liz, If she left because of money or because I lost my job, she is not worth my time and she is shallow. I cannot have a future with a woman like this.
She will find a ruch guy who will spoil her and one day probably will dump her for someone better and she will be broken and maybe learn a lesson from that.

And you will probably just as unbudging in your attitudes and break up again when someone doesn't agree with your way of thinking.

What you had was a failure to work together, even though she clearly laid it out for you, and honestly, why should she change?

Walk away, and stop putting her down to cover your own BS!!

And you will probably just as unbudging in your attitudes and break up again when someone doesn't agree with your way of thinking.

What you had was a failure to work together, even though she clearly laid it out for you, and honestly, why should she change??

Walk away, and stop putting her down to cover your own BS!!!

I agree with you, why should she change? She did not love me, she would never change for me. I changed for her, I was much more patient and endured her bad behaviour and bad attitude, but no more. Enough is enough. I will be better off financially and mentaly. No more emotional abuse, no more manipulation to get what she wants.

Honeslty Tal I got no BS to cover, I did all I could to make it work, there comes a point where you got nothing left you can do, it's the end. The point of no return.

You're reading too many Doc Love articles. His articles do contain some truth and good advice, but trying to gage interest level is almost impossible. It's like reading somebody's mind...you only really guess. If they're interested, they're interested. If they're not, they're not. The point here is you are trying rationalize why this relationship ended, when you should be accepting that this is over and concentrating on moving forward and learning from this.



Only time will tell.... However, you can't let the remote possibility of a reconciliation with her fill your head with false hope. It is always good to be optimistic about the future, but you must be realistic. Very rarely do people ever get back together. It is not impossible, but the odds of this happening are definitely NOT in your favor.

The best thing to do is to move on with your life and make it the way you want it. When it comes to relationships, you can not worry about the ifs or the whens and the future, you should only worry about the here and now, as that is the only thing that matters.

Your here and now involves you taking steps to heal and move on from this busted relationship. It's time to think of yourself now and not about anyone else.

Thanks guys I been feeling better, today I took my car and went to the mall and bought some stuff, spoiled myself a little, and I started to look at other women again, felt good.
Tonight going to a bar and have a few beers with some friends. Life goes on, I feel like a free man again and it's a good feeling. Yes it is possible to feel like this after a breakup, believe it or not. Guess what? We are not alone, a lot of people got dumped, I was at futureshop in the video game section, even the clerk working there told me he got dumped 1 week before valentines. He quit school, he was depressed. I told him buddy I am living the same thing, hang in there.

I am going to focus on getting back on my feet, getting a new job, gym, going out, making new friends, keeping busy, and putting the past behind me. Work on my confidence, control, and being a challenge again.

I know I might drop in the depressed zone again, usually on the week end it starts again cause that's when we were together the most. I feel lonely on the week ends. I start thinking of what we did together and I miss it.What can I do? Nothing. :eek:

Thanks guys i been feeling better, today i took my car and went to the mall and bought some stuff, spoiled myself a little, and i started to look at other women again, felt good.
Tonight going to a bar and have a few beers with some friends. Life goes on, i feel like a free man again and it's a good feeling. Yes it is possible to feel like this after a breakup, believe it or not. Guess what? we are not alone, a lot of people got dumped, i was at futureshop in the video game section, even the clerk working there told me he got dumped 1 week before valentines. He quit school, he was depressed. I told him buddy i am living the same thing, hang in there.

I am going to focus on getting back on my feet, getting a new job, gym, going out, making new friends, keeping busy, and putting the past behind me. work on my confidence, control, and being a challenge again.

I know i might drop in the depressed zone again, usualy on the week end it starts again cause thats when we were together the most. I feel lonely on the week ends. I start thinking of what we did together and i miss it.What can i do? nothing. :eek:

Good for you.Its not an easy journey but with the right tools and a positive attitude you can accomplish anything you want :)

I know I might drop in the depressed zone again, usually on the week end it starts again cause that's when we were together the most. I feel lonely on the week ends. I start thinking of what we did together and i miss it.What can I do? Nothing.


Make a plan to do something beside sit on the pity pot, on the weekends.

Its time to make plans with friends for the weekend.

That wasn't the smartest thing to say. That just gave her all the power to make the decision.



She already had the power since she decided to take the break. All I did was tell her I won't do the friends thing. NC until she wants reconciliation. I should have said a timeframe, but then I did not want to sound like I was giving her an ultimatum. I remember I told her over the phone don't take too long or it might be too late.

Anyway I believe in ''if you love someone set them free, if they love you they will come back'' if they don't just accept it. You can't force them to love you.

Threads merged

-Should it be the dumper or the dumpee to start talks for reconciliation?
-If the dumpee decided to do no contact.
-how much time after the breakup can this be a possibility?
-How can you know if the dumper still has an interest in coming back?

These are all variable factors depending on each individual situation, but the standard would be that neither party should be initiating any reconciliation following a break-up.

There are reasons that people break-up, that doesn't change when they go back to the relationship.

Yeah but you forget this wasn't love. Love didn't live between the two of you. Maybe you loved her but she didn't.

She was all about what you could do for her and when you could no longer provide the things she wanted, she left.

Do you think the reasons they broke up can be resolved?

If they love each other, do you think they can work things out?

If it's true love I think anything is possible.

It's most often not true love for both parties, if it was true love they wouldn't need to reconcile because they wouldn't be separated.

It depends on the situation, but usually only one of the parties is holding onto a hope that the relationship will reconcile.

If you feel like there's more you could do, then you should not be in the no contact phase. The fact that you're in the no contact phase is because you've tried your best. No contact is to help you heal from the break up and move on.

Only in very rare circumstances are people able to reconcile. Most of these rare situations is when one or both needed time to recover from personal problems and not from relationship problems.


It's most often not true love for both parties, if it was true love they wouldn't need to reconcile because they wouldn't be seperated.

It depends on the situation, but usually only one of the parties is holding onto a hope that the relationship will reconcile.

The one who initiates is the one who wants to get back together, so it won't matter who dumped who.

Yeah but you forget this wasn't love. Love didn't live between the two of you. Maybe you loved her but she didn't.

She was all about what you could do for her and when you could no longer provide the things she wanted, she left.

How can someone be so cruel? How can she put priority on money and material stuff and be with me 15 months? Could it be possible that in time she will realize she was wrong and was only denying her feelings?

Could it be that she was so selfish and egocentric that she cannot love anyone else but herself? She is 29 and she told me she never was in love in her whole life with any guy, and that I was the best thing that happened for her in her life. Yet on my birthday she said her feelings changed for me? She seemed very confused, I do not know what to think anymore.

She sounded very selfish and self centered. Believe me you don't want a relationship that is so one-sided. You deserve better than that. You are on the mend and each day will get better and better.

If you feel like there's more you could do, then you should not be in the no contact phase. The fact that you're in the no contact phase is because you've tried your best. No contact is to help you heal from the break up and move on.

Only in very rare circumstances are people able to reconcile. Most of these rare situations is when one or both needed time to recover from personal problems and not from relationship problems.

The reason I am in no contact with her is because, when she decided to end it, she told me over the phone: ''Let's take a break and be friends'' so I said no to the friends because I still have feeling for her and it would hurt. I don't want to be in the friend zone because I know that will ruin chances of a reconciliation even more. She said me blocking her litteraly out of her life will only make it harder for her and it would be comforting for her to know I'm still around. I just don't want to end up a 2nd option or safety net. I prefer cutting off all communication.

She told me she doesn't want to be in a serious relationship right now and that's why she wants a break. I Still think she should take the first steps once she feels she took enough time apart from me. She asked for it, so only she knows whenever if ever she will be ready for a reconciliation. So now I ask myself, how long am I going to live in hope that we will be together again? Should I leave the door open? Or should I close it, lock it and throw away the key forever?

NC is the opportunity to redevelop yourself, if a reconciliation happens you will have a stronger relationship with yourself and a better understanding on the person you are.

Take this time and worry about you, not in any hope that you will reconcile because who knows what the future holds. Just enjoy single life and who you are. No doors open, no doors closed.

Thanks Starlite1

Your comment is really helping me realize what I was not seeing when I was in the relationship. It's like I was blinded by love.
Now by reading all the posts I am getting a clear picture of the whole scenario and it's clear to me that she did not care as much as I did.

It's so sad to realize that I know, but now you heal and move on from her. You will meet someone new in time, that will truly give you the love that you give back.

I just want us to be happy. Wishfully thinking yes happy together.
To answer your question (I wish). I feel I can focus on myself better if she is blocked out, having her as a friend will not help me at all and will just mess with my head.

NC is the way to go. She was controlling and I know, falling in the friend zone will only give her more control. I will not give it all away. I think those who have been there know what I am talking about. It doesn't make any sense. Here you were sharing intimate moments seeing each other naked, how can you just turn that off and be around without touching or kissing. It's just torture.

They say we learn from each relationship. I guess now I know the signs and patterns of a superficial woman. And I will not fall for this again. I should look for the flexible giver type of woman.

Absolutely, you are correct ;)

The reason i am in no contact with her is because, when she decided to end it, she told me over the phone: ''Let's take a break and be friends'' so i said no to the friends because i still have feeling for her and it would hurt. I don't want to be in the friend zone because i know that will ruin chances of a reconciliation even more. She said me blocking her litteraly out of her life will only make it harder for her and it would be comforting for her to know im still around. I just don't want to end up a 2nd option or safety net. I prefer cutting off all communication.

She told me she doesn't want to be in a serious relationship right now and thats why she wants a break. I Still think she should take the first steps once she feels she took enough time apart from me. She asked for it, so only she knows whenever if ever she will be ready for a reconciliation. So now i ask myself, how long am i going to live in hope that we will be together again? Should i leave the door open? or should i close it, lock it and throw away the key forever?

She was being kind to you.Lets take a break and be friends ,translated is * I want to split up and I don't want to hurt your feelings by doing it.I am trying to let you down gently*.

Certainly people that love one another do reconcile but the circumstances are usually different.They break -up over a fight or because of a specific problem,not because I don't want to be in this relationship anymore.

You should close the door.Face the reality of your situation.I have followed this thread for some time and your just not getting it.

I know how hard it is,I have been there and the first step toward getting on with your life is acceptance.

Denial is only prolonging the pain.

If she would have been more direct I would not be in this mess.
All she had to do is say it clearly, it's over. I once dumped a girl too and I told her in person, ''Listen I don't have any feelings for you'' she started crying and slammed the door when she left. But at least I did not give her any false hopes and she became friends with me after she got over it. I am sure she was hurt but I did not leave her hanging with hope we would get back.

You are right Artlady. I should just close the chapter on this and move on with my life, I am just living in denial and I won't get anywhere like this.

I have an apointment next Friday, so it's probably the last time I see her at the clinic where she works. I'll say a final goodbye and wish her all the best and happiness, no hard feelings.

Another thing I learned with relationships is that once the feelings are gone, it's very hard to bring them back. When I broke it off with the other girl, she did something that turned me off completely and I never got the feelings I had for her ever again.
Maybe this happened to my recent ex, so the chances of her having feelings for me again are very slim.
Once that switch goes to off, it's like a burnt fuse.

Absolutely, you are correct ;)

Merci beaucoup! :-)

-Should it be the dumper or the dumpee to start talks for reconciliation?
-If the dumpee decided to do no contact.
-how much time after the breakup can this be a possibility?
-How can you know if the dumper still has an interest in coming back?
There's no answer, stuff like this just happens, and it's always when you don't expect it, or in my case, when you really don't even want it anymore.

What I can say is the longer you wait, the better.

You're reading too many Doc Love articles. His articles do contain some truth and good advice, but trying to gage interest level is almost impossible. It's like reading somebody's mind...you only really guess. If they're interested, they're interested. If they're not, they're not. The point here is you are trying rationalize why this relationship ended, when you should be accepting that this is over and concentrating on moving forward and learning from this.


I believe you can have a good idea of her interest level. For instance: In my case 3 months in the relationship her interest level was high in the 90's. How I know this? She was cooking meals for me, giving me back rubs, very affectionate, giving me compliments, always in a good mood and making jokes, the sex was awsome too. Long kissing sessions.

Then once the ''honey moon phase'' was over, I started to notice her interest level dropping. She started to say we were seeing each other too often, she was more moody, small arguments starting, less jokes, no more cooking for me, frozen pizzas! Lol.
At this point I figured her interest level dropped to about 60.

Next is the downhill stage. Frequent arguments, less romance, less cuddling, very short kissing, PMS more frequent and lasted 2 weeks with bad attitude. Less time spent together
She started spending more time with her friends. So that's when you start seeing the red flags. Her Interest level at this point is about 45%

The Final stage.
Arguments become a weekly thing. Romance is gone. Cuddling for 10 minutes. Kissing? A little peck. PMS? That was joke. She takes day off and tells me at the end of the day and I was home that day. No more efforts of her part to spend time together. She cancels our Friday night to go to movies with her friends. I call her on valentines twice and she has a crappy attitude. I get the message and do not go see her. The end.
Level of interest at this point? 10% mine:50%

She calls me 3 days later saying it's over. Her interest level: 0%
My interest level: Boom! It doubles from 50% to 100%

The dumpee or rejectee interest doubles.
This is why we hurt so much when we get dumped.
We want what we cannot have anymore.
Why? I have no freaking idea. I am puzzled. :confused:

There's no answer, stuff like this just happens, and it's always when you don't expect it, or in my case, when you really don't even want it anymore.

What I can say is the longer you wait, the better.

How long did it take you to don't want it anymore after the breakup?

Depends on the duration of the relationship, but they say the key is 2 months for every year of the relationship.

I don't know, I feel like if I keep going there and she sees me every 3 weeks, it's not a good idea, she will ask questions and try to talk to me like she did last time. I find this gives her more power, because she is putting me in an awkword situation.

So she will always know what's going on in my life and that's breaking the NC rule. On the other hand, if I avoid seeing her and ignore her I am taking my power back. I will not see her face and I will be better off and be in less pain.

If she has moved on, there is no need for me to be in her presence. If I was OK with friendship I would be able to see her again. I don't think I'll ever be able to be friends, I have no choice to avoid and ignore.

Who cares about what she say or think. Taking her thoughts in consideration is a thing of the past. Don't worry about that.

In the end you have to do what is in your best interest and goint there isn't because it will only set you back. Remember what happen the last time?

Go to another dentist if possible and keep your head up.

Going back there, she can see if I am depressed or sad, remember a look speaks a thousand words. She will know in what state I am and see that as weak. I can't just fake that everything is OK and be in a good mood. I know some people are good at that, they can put a façade or change in seconds. I want to move on with my life as quickly as possible and seeing her there will only delay my recovery.

It was very hard for me to refuse the friendship she offered, still today I am wondering if I will regret refusing friendship with her.
But the way she dumped me, I just could not do it, I was angry, still am and I will probably forgive her someday, but I'll never forget.

merci beaucoup! :-)

What does this mean?

I just read your lastresponse and I must comment.

It is a good thing that you refuse the friendship she offered you because your not over her. Keeping her as a friend would have done more harm than good and could've lead to false hope.

Also, forgive her. Don't hold on to hating her. Forgiving her will help you with your healing process. When you don't forgive someone it can eat you up sometimes and you don't want that.

What does this mean?

It means ''thank you very much'' in french

Depends on the duration of the relationship, but they say the key is 2 months for every year of the relationship.

I have heard that before,about a certain amount of time for every year.
I have always wondered who came up with that. Or if there has ever been any conclusive study.I guess I will just have to Google it :)

Going back there, she can see if i am depressed or sad, remember a look speaks a thousand words. She will know in what state i am and see that as weak. I can't just fake that everything is ok and be in a good mood. I know some people are good at that, they can put a facade or change in seconds. I want to move on with my life as quickly as possible and seing her there will only delay my recovery.

It was very hard for me to refuse the friendship she offered, still today i am wondering if i will regret refusing friendship with her.
But the way she dumped me, i just could not do it, i was angry, still am and i will probably forgive her someday, but i'll never forget.

True, you don't want to show your emotions, but it will be good practice for you to learn how to put up a brave face.

But seriously, if you can't handle it, then do what you got to do! You know what's best for yourself.

It's hard to forgive because she often wanted to break up when we had arguments. So I feel she used it in a manipulating way to have things on her terms all the time.

I do not feel she was fair and this is why I am having trouble forgiving her. She always wanted to bail out and I was trying to keep her in. I don't hate her though. That's just the way she is, and nobody will change her. She will repeat this behaviour again and again I am sure. I did what I could, did my best, I know some guys that would have never lasted as long as I did with her.

I don't want false hope or false friendship. So right now the best thing is avoidance and distance. She wanted a break, she got her break, but she won't get the cake too.

I heard it takes half the amount of time.
So if relationship was 1 year, it can take 6 months.
It also depends of the mutual feelings involved.
The less feelings, the quicker the moving on.

She said me blocking her litteraly out of her life will only make it harder for her and it would be comforting for her to know im still around.

And...

Not your problem , it was her decision to split.

Go back and read Artlady's post again , that's exactly how it is.

-the dumber ( if the dumbee tries this, he/she should wait for no response, a negative response or being dumbed again)
- he/she should have! Unless he/she feels he/she can trust this person again (being stupid and totally in love.. ) or/ and he/she somehow caused this ( very rare but still a possibility)
-a few days later (before the dumbee totally overcomes the other person)
- you can't

And.....................

Not your problem , it was her decision to split.

Go back and read Artlady's post again , thats exactly how it is.

OK I read it, I understand that she probably tried to make me feel sorry for her that I refused friendship and that I was being unfair or making me feel guilty. As you said friend4, she decided to split so she has to live with the consequences of leaving. I am sure she knew by leaving that this was going to be a possibility.

Yes i think she has moved on for sure, but do you think she might still have feelings? I mean sometimes after we break up and the anger is gone, sometimes we can regret of leaving someone. It has happen to me before, i dated this girl back in the 90's we laster 8 years. We broke up a few times and got back together even after a year of no contact.
Look.. I believe she's somehow arrogant. Her self concept appears to be hight and he boosts her self esteem even more. . I believe what you say about her moving on is correct.. but she needs reassurance from our friend, she needs to feel he's running after her simply to feel admired. Have you ever used the term broken glass? Metaphorically? Okay.. when you break up once , u lose it at some point and the ''vase'' is not that beautiful ever again and neither the relationship is. You may feel this girl is the one that stole your heart but she also ''betrayed your feelings so she can do this again'' she show you how psychological pain feels like.. just.. let her go. No replies.. nothing more and if you find the srength.. even if she finally e mails you... tell her to go f.. Herself . Act like you found something better, and work on it . U deserve more than this . Hope I helped.

I can't believe you asked this question. :-( When will you get it? Really? I thought you were starting to get it from your other thread, I guess not. Sign!

Unless you like being a pushover than go ahead. But if you want to get over her you shouldn't be walking down this road.

ok i read it, i understand that she probably tried to make me feel sorry for her that i refused friendship and that i was being unfair or making me feel guilty. As you said friend4, she decided to split so she has to live with the consequences of leaving. I am sure she knew by leaving that this was going to be a possibility.

Exactly... it was her choice , so you get on with healing for YOU and don't even waste your energy thinking about how she feels , its out of your control anyway.

-Should it be the dumper or the dumpee to start talks for reconciliation?

Dumper


-If the dumpee decided to do no contact.
-how much time after the breakup can this be a possibility?

If the dumper wants you back, no contact won't stop them.


-How can you know if the dumper still has an interest in coming back?

They will rock heaven to let you know.


Why are my threads merged?

To stop confusion, and keep your story straight.

Sorry didn't mean to go off topic

You weren't off topic, that's not the point. Just starting new threads about the same subject is confusing to readers.

I know and I feel bad, it's Friday night and I started to miss her again. I am working on it, I wish it could stop, but I still get flashbacks. One of my friends is coming over and we going to a club, hopefully it will help me.

Thanks for the replies I appreciate your help, and you are helping me a lot. Someone said when you feel pain or miss her come post here and that's what I did. I have been respecting the NC rule, I just need to work on the missing her part.

I know and i feel bad, it's friday night and i started to miss her again. I am working on it, i wish it could stop, but i still get flashbacks. One of my friends is coming over and we going to a club, hopefully it will help me.

Thanks for the replies i appreciate your help, and you are helping me a lot. Someone said when you feel pain or miss her come post here and that's what i did. I have been respecting the NC rule, i just need to work on the missing her part.

Just takes time , and the NC Rule helps with that.

look .. i believe she's somehow arrogant. her self concept appears to be hight and he boosts her self esteem even more. . i believe what u say about her moving on is correct.. but she needs reassurance from our friend, she needs to feel he's running after her simply to feel admired. have u ever used the term broken glass? metaphorically? okay.. when u break up once , u lose it at some point and the ''vase'' is not that beautiful ever again and neither the relationship is. u may feel this girl is the one that stole ur heart but she also ''betrayed ur feelings so she can do this again'' she show u how psychological pain feels like .. just .. let her go. no replies.. nothing more and if u find the srength ..even if she finally e mails you... tell her to go f.. herself . act like u found something better, and work on it . u deserve more than this . hope i helped.

I won't run after her. Yeah she tortured my mind, psychologicaly drained is how I feel.
I promise to let go, I accept what happened and I am not fully responsible.

Okay... wow this was a long thread of 8 pages but overall I think by going no contact you regain your sense of thought and self confidence. You perceive this as being the most wonderful relationship which you'll never be able to experience with someone else, yet you argued all the time???!!!! DENIAL

We all need people to sometimes drill sense into our heads. In my case I broke up with my ex. 2 weeks later I missed him... thought maybe we could find ways to work it out. He was more than hesitant... He got angry and vented his feelings out on me. I gave it my all including 5 months of on and off contact. Waste of time could have been healing... NC)And he continued to call only to give me the same round about confusion, so I ended all contacted in order to move on. I also think the if he wanted me back, he would do anything in his power to find me. Anyway...


If she were to ever change her mind of wanting you back she will find you. If she doesn't no your address because you moved, she'll Google you or something... get my drift. Nothing will stop her. But this isn't the case so for now just try to relax... forget about her being the greatest cause she obviously was not appreciative of you. Lay out under the sun and enjoy life. Listen to songs that help you heal>>>>Kelly clarkson- breakaway>>>>Anna Nalick- breathe>>>>These will bring you back to reality. But try to focus more on upbeat songs if you can.
!! MUSIC HELPS A lot!!

Yeah we agued frequently, she was controlling and wanted aalways her way. I like to be equal. Compromising, which she did very little or at all.

Lovestoned, you say if he wanted you back he would do anything in his power to find you. Maybe he thought since you are the one who ended it, that you would do the first steps to get him back?

Because that's the way I am feeling, I don't want to run after her.

The feelings your feeling are normal especially after someone emotionally bankrupted you. It can leave you with contradicting feeling but know no matter what you will survive and that was my favorite break-up song by Arthea Franklin.

Take it day by day. Sometimes our mind can play tricks on us because we think of the good times instead of what lead to the end. So when this happens you have to immediately change your thoughts. It's like when your watching TV or listening to the radio. When you don't like what your watching or listening to are you just going watch or listen to it? No, you change channel. Well, at least, that's what I do.

The feelings your feeling are normal especially after someone emotionally bankrupted you. It can leave you with contradicting feeling but know no matter what you will survive and that was my favorite break-up song by Arthea Franklin.

Take it day by day. Sometimes our mind can play tricks on us because we think of the good times instead of what lead to the end. So when this happens you have to immediately change your thoughts. It's like when your watching tv or listening to the radio. When you don't like what your watching or listening to are you just going watch or listen to it? No, you change channel. Well, at least, that's what I do.

I like this way of thinking. If you don't like the thoughts you are having, change channel, think about something else, or think about all the bad things the other person did to you.
Another way for me to forget is to talk about it with female friends. Last night I met some new people we went out and ended up talking all night of relationship stories. All the girls who heard my story asked me how I could stay in a bad relationship like that. It really helped to go out and have fun and not stay home and torture myself.

Now it is Saturday and got to find something to do tonight to avoid falling in that state of mind again. How do you know when you can start dating someone new and not go in a rebound relationship?

yeah we agued frequently, she was controlling and wanted aalways her way. I like to be equal. Compromising, which she did very little or at all.

Lovestoned, you say if he wanted you back he would do anything in his power to find you. Maybe he thought since you are the one who ended it, that you would do the first steps to get him back?

Because that's the way i am feeling, i don't want to run after her.

I did do everything in my power. I spoke, practically begged, told him I loved him and even went to talk to him several times( I drove 3 hours to and back from his house) and the best part... ready... the last night I slept over his house, I woke up to him talking on the phone with another girl he had met two weeks after we broke up. Now you tell me if I tried enough...

If you already told her how you feel the ball is in her court now. But in the mean time DO NOT HOLD BACK FROM ANYTHING leave that thought on the back burner

You don't start dating until your over your ex and right now your not even half way there.

It isn't fair to become involve with someone when your uncapable of giving your all.

I know some people that jump from relationship to relationship because their afraid of being alone but there is nothing wrong with being alone getting to know yourself. Before you go out looking for someone you have to know what you want and don't settle for less.

So when your over your ex you can start accepting resumes.

You don't start dating until your over your ex and right now your not even half way there.

It isn't fair to become involve with someone when your uncapable of giving your all.

I know some people that jump from relationship to relationship because their afraid of being alone but there is nothing wrong with being alone getting to know yourself. Before you go out looking for someone you have to know what you want and don't settle for less.

So when your over your ex you can start accepting resumes.

True, I am not over her yet, but I feel it closer and closer. Almost 2 months now that it ended.
I am not ready to date that's for sure, but I can hang around or spend time with some female friends and it's totally OK. Maybe a few casual things won't hurt. Is going to take time to go back in the dating scene, I am not ready for that. Like you said, being alone and being happy is the most important thing right now.

I want to be happy in my next relationship, so I am starting to focus right now on that, and one day at a time I will focus on what I want and I will not settle for less than I deserve.

If you already told her how you feel the ball is in her court now. But in the mean time DO NOT HOLD BACK FROM ANYTHING leave that thought on the back burner

I decided I will continue moving on with my life, I will not hold back from meeting new people, I don't have to write her a final e-mail, it will just push her away even more. I don't have to tell her that I am moving on, I am just going to stick to no contact like I been always doing, thanks to this I am healing faster. I am going to leave it on the back burner and let it simmer nice and slow or like a young bottle of wine that needs to mature.

If I e-mail her one last time, I am giving away my power again. I have to resist. Whatever I say in that e-mail is not going to change anything. I am doing much better thanks to NC and the things I been reading here. It's been helping a lot, I want to thank everybody that is giving feedback. The stories you have shared with me and the advice are priceless. I have learned an important lesson and it will serve me for the rest of my life.

I feel I will be going through big changes in my life in the coming months and I am not afraid of the future. I am eliminating negative thoughts and having a positive outlook on life everyday that goes by. You can't make a non functioning relationship work, as much as you try, as much as you put effort, if you are alone doing it, in the end you will be left alone. In the end I was drained, no more hope that we could save things, as much as I tried, she just would not put the effort. It felt like I was alone and trying to save her from slipping away...

No more trying, no more time wasting, enough is enough. I did enough, I did all I could.
Time to heal and forget.

Good for you and glad we could all help :)

If you do feel like writing that email just to get it out of your system there is a thread on here where you can post it (link below)

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/letters-our-exes-154321.html

Keep strong... we're here:) You have great will power which is key to healing. And if she calls, don't give in like I did once to many times before as you see where it gets you... No where good. I felt like he was letting me slip away too. But he didn't care. He has his rebound girl and that's all that matters to him. I can't believe he fell for the next girl which came to him. It sickens me when I think about it. Yuck:p

Keep strong....we're here:) You have great will power which is key to healing. And if she calls, don't give in like I did once to many times before as you see where it gets you...No where good. I felt like he was letting me slip away too. But he didn't care. He has his rebound girl and thats all that matters to him. I can't believe he fell for the next girl which came to him. It sickens me when I think about it. Yuck:p

I don't think she will call because she has a very big ego, and I told her to never contact me again unless she wanted to come back. So I highly doubt she will ever call me again. If she does try to contact me I will just tell her if it's not for reconciliation don't bother. She ain't getting any friendship from me. She knows when I say something I am serious about it and she won't even try to reach me. Don't think about the rebound girl. I don't even want to know if she has a rebound. None of my business anymore.

I don't think she will call because she has a very big ego, and i told her to never contact me again unless she wanted to come back. So i highly doubt she will ever call me again. If she does try to contact me i will just tell her if it's not for reconciliation don't bother. She ain't getting any friendship from me. She knows when i say something i am serious about it and she won't even try to reach me. Don't think about the rebound girl. I don't even want to know if she has a rebound. None of my business anymore.

Yup yup but the thing is that if she really decides that she loves you, no matter how big her ego is, she will call you and ask for reconciliation, but by that time you would have already completely healed and either you won't allow yourself to be hurt by her again since she did it once before she can't be trusted anymore or you have found someone else who appreciates you and not take you for granted and stick by you when things get bad.

As for the rebound, my ex has her rebound now and whenever I think of them together, either holding hands, kissing, sleeping together, it gets me sad though but at the same time I don't care anymore. I know I am not going to take her back anymore. She left me for that guy. I am not going to be his left overs if things don't work out between them. She does seem confident that it will though. Anyway we're single now and we can do whatever we want with other girls/guys that we like without worrying about anyone.

But it seems like we're all the type of people that won't want a rebound but a loving commitment filled relationship because most of us were left by someone us when we were willing to work on things. That tells us something doesn't it? We were too good for them in the first place and deserve to be treated better not just something that can be tossed away after years of commitment. Hang in there buddy. We're all here and we are all going to get through it together ^_^

Now I have big dilemma. This Friday I have an apointment at the dental clinic where she works as receptionist. I have no choice to go for my apointment and pay the last bill I owe the clinic. After that I will ask the dentist if she can see me at her other clinic.

Am I breaking the no contact rule by going there? Because I know she is going to say ''hello, how are you?'' again. And I don't want to say anything. I don't want her to think that we are friends by talking to her.

What should I do? What should I say?

Send them a cheque in the mail

Now i have big dilemma. This friday i have an apointment at the dental clinic where she works as receptionist. I have no choice to go for my apointment and pay the last bill i owe the clinic. after that i will ask the dentist if she can see me at her other clinic.

Am i breaking the no contact rule by going there? Because i know she is going to say ''hello, how are you?'' again. And i don't want to say anything. I don't want her to think that we are friends by talking to her.

What should i do? what should i say?

YES YOU ARE BREAKING NO CONTACT!! >_< Don't DO IT MAN!! Find another way? Send a cheque or pay online through your bank or something. Keep NC dewd. Not till your completely ready and she is a stranger to you and you have no feelings attached anymore.

I have no choice, I have to be there. But if I block my feelings I will be OK. Like Tal said before: just be like another person, polite, and brief.

She will see me in a better state than I was 3 weeks ago when I was all weak and depressed. It's an opportunity for me to show her I am doing quite all right on my own and I have willpower and nobody stop me from living my life and achieving success.

She cannot get personal with me anyway there is other patients in the waiting room. So I don't feel it's breaking NC. It Also shows that she has no control on me and I can decide if I want to continue going there or not. But it's definitely the last time I will go there.

Okies. If you feel like you're going to be okay. Just don't want it to bring back the pain and stuff let us know how it goes.

If I am strong and if my feelings are gone I think I will be OK. This is a test for me. I will know Friday if I have moved on. There is a good chance I have, you can see in the posts I have written recently, much different than the first ones.

I did my grieving and crying and I have accepted reality how it is.

The countdown has begun, 48 hours till my apointment Friday. I am starting to feel a bit nervous, but I am taking deep breaths when I feel anxiety. I say to myself, I am a man and I have cojones and I must face any obstacle in life. I already have a girl smiling to me on my dating website and she is italian just like me. Maybe we are a match who knows. I might chat her up if I feel ready.

I watched swingers last night, thanks to none12345 who posted the link to the movie. I watched it 4 years ago at my last break up. I love the end part when the ex girl calls back and he's got the new girl on the other line, so he hangs up on the ex when she says I miss you, I love y... great movie!

So guys it's OK to be depressed, and eventually you move on, it took ''Mike'' 6 months, and he met a great woman that probably he would never have met if his other relationship didn't fail. See your break as a spark to a new combustion, a new beginning, this will most probably lead to a new relationship and who knows maybe the next one will be your wife and you will have kids and your kids will say, dad I am glad you met mom and you broke up with the girl before mom.

It's funny the more time passes, the more I feel I would not want to go back with my ex. I am getting over her quicker than I thought. I am starting to see the light, I am getting further away from the dark side, I have the force, thanks yoda. I did not need to get drunk or take drugs, I did it with willpower. Thanks to all the tips I learned here and some tricks I already knew.

It is possible guys, do not give up on yourself. Read, Post, and read again. Watch break up movies, find what is your passion in life, besides your girlfriend. For me my passion is 3D art. I am a 3D artist, and I love creating stuff. During my depressed weeks I could not find any crativity or imagination. It's like my brain was locked up and stuck on one thought. Now my brain has unlocked and I started to create again. It's an awsome feeling guys. Free your mind, find the way to unlock it from the pain and misery of that break up. Chances are the girl that left you, moved on a long time ago, probably a week after the split.

Lift your head up and look ahead, you still have a long way to go, you have a lot of people to meet, projects, goals, etc...
Now you are free and you got nobody to rain on your parade.

The countdown has begun, 48 hours till my apointment friday. I am starting to feel a bit nervous, but i am taking deep breaths when i feel anxiety. I say to myself, I am a man and i have cojones and i must face any obstacle in life. I already have a girl smiling to me on my dating website and she is italian just like me. Maybe we are a match who knows. I might chat her up if i feel ready.

I watched swingers last night, thanks to none12345 who posted the link to the movie. I watched it 4 years ago at my last break up. I love the end part when the ex girl calls back and he's got the new girl on the other line, so he hangs up on the ex when she says i miss you, i love y... great movie!

So guys it's ok to be depressed, and eventually you move on, it took ''Mike'' 6 months, and he met a great woman that probably he would never have met if his other relationship didn't fail. See your break as a spark to a new combustion, a new begining, this will most probably lead to a new relationship and who knows maybe the next one will be your wife and you will have kids and your kids will say, dad i am glad you met mom and you broke up with the girl before mom.

It's funny the more time passes, the more i feel i would not want to go back with my ex. I am getting over her quicker than i thought. I am starting to see the light, i am getting further away from the dark side, i have the force, thanks yoda. I did not need to get drunk or take drugs, i did it with willpower. Thanks to all the tips i learned here and some tricks i already knew.

it is possible guys, do not give up on yourself. Read, Post, and read again. Watch break up movies, find what is your passion in life, besides your girlfriend. For me my passion is 3D art. I am a 3D artist, and i love creating stuff. during my depressed weeks i could not find any crativity or imagination. It's like my brain was locked up and stuck on one thought. Now my brain has unlocked and i started to create again. it's an awsome feeling guys. Free your mind, find the way to unlock it from the pain and misery of that break up. Chances are the girl that left you, moved on a long time ago, probably a week after the split.

Lift your head up and look ahead, you still have a long way to go, you have a lot of people to meet, projects, goals, etc...
Now you are free and you got nobody to rain on your parade.

so true so true. After all I think we deserve a girl that can actually appreciate us, love us, be loyal and committed even when times get har and not bail out on us for someone else at the last minute. Do I still have feelings for her? Of course. Do I want her back? Maybe but things have to change if she wants me back. If she doesn't I'm fine with that ill just find someone better and doesn't treat me like crap. I know man, the more time you go in NC you don't feel as close to them anymore and you don't need them anymore but of course you still think about them from time to time but it does get easier. Yet it is still hard when I think about her being intimate with some other guy... grrrrrrrr...

As for swingers, I just need a friend like Trent to help me pick up new girls =P but besides that he was always there for mike and helped him through it. We can see the importance of friends and how getting yourself out there again can be a big help to how you move on. Right now its about you guys, its not about her anymore. She made a decision for herself and you should too even though it still might be hard. Just yesterday, I picked up my guitar which I haven't in ages and t was pretty fun lol but yah hope things goes well on Friday =P

Thanks man, I think if you don't have a friend like trent, take some of Trent's attributes and some of Mikes and some of yours and mix them all together and you will have a recipe to try. Who knows maybe you will pick up a hot babe you thought impossible to meet.

This is what I would like to tell my ex:

You seem to find the dark when everything is bright.
You look for all that's wrong instead of all that's right.
Does it feel good to you to rain on my parade?
You never say a word unless it's to complain.
It's driving me insane...

If I were you, holding the world right in my hands,
The first thing I'd do is thank the stars for all that I have.

Look what surrounds you now more than you've ever dreamed.
Have you forgotten just how hard it used to be?
So what's it going to take for you to realize
It all could go away in one blink of an eye?
It happens all the time...

If I Were You,
Holding the world right in my hands,
The first thing I'd do,
Is thank the stars above,
For the ones I love,
Take a breath and enjoy the view,
Live the life that I wanted to.

In the end we will all be like ''Mike'', Happy with our new significant other. Believe it, it will happen.
So it shall be written, so it shall be done.

Thanks man, i think if you don't have a friend like trent, take some of Trent's attributes and some of Mikes and some of yours and mix them all together and you will have a recipe to try. Who knows maybe you will pick up a hot babe you thought impossible to meet.

This is what i would like to tell my ex:

You seem to find the dark when everything is bright.
You look for all that's wrong instead of all that's right.
Does it feel good to you to rain on my parade?
You never say a word unless it's to complain.
It's driving me insane...

If I were you, holding the world right in my hands,
the first thing I'd do is thank the stars for all that I have.

Look what surrounds you now more than you've ever dreamed.
Have you forgotten just how hard it used to be?
So what's it going to take for you to realize
it all could go away in one blink of an eye?
It happens all the time...

If I Were You,
holding the world right in my hands,
the first thing I'd do,
is thank the stars above,
for the ones I love,
take a breath and enjoy the view,
live the life that I wanted to.

In the end we will all be like ''Mike'', Happy with our new significant other. Believe it, it will happen.
So it shall be written, so it shall be done.

What if you don't find someone else? You ll just end up growing old alone? >_<

what if you dont find someone else? you ll just end up growing old alone? >_<

I never think what if, and I never think negative.

I will find a better woman and more compatible with me, I will grow old with her and we will share everything and go thtrough good and bad times together and strong.

what if you dont find someone else? you ll just end up growing old alone? >_<

NONE,
If you think this way... you will end up this way. Be optomistic about things. Its like staying alone in a dark room instead of taking a walk out on the beach. Its hard leaving something you know so well. Its like losing your eyesight. One minute you have sight on where you're goingand then... boom... all of a sudden your blinded to which direction to go next. I know how you feel, but don't let this feeling drag you down for long... Its very unhealthy. Explore other things life has to offer. Try something thrilling. Like parasailing or something. That'll take your mind off things for sure.:D Plan things to do with family and friends and try not to isolate yourself from others. Although its part of greiving and all... longterm isolation is no good.

Thanks man, i think if you don't have a friend like trent, take some of Trent's attributes and some of Mikes and some of yours and mix them all together and you will have a recipe to try. Who knows maybe you will pick up a hot babe you thought impossible to meet.

This is what i would like to tell my ex:

You seem to find the dark when everything is bright.
You look for all that's wrong instead of all that's right.
Does it feel good to you to rain on my parade?
You never say a word unless it's to complain.
It's driving me insane...

If I were you, holding the world right in my hands,
the first thing I'd do is thank the stars for all that I have.

Look what surrounds you now more than you've ever dreamed.
Have you forgotten just how hard it used to be?
So what's it going to take for you to realize
it all could go away in one blink of an eye?
It happens all the time...

If I Were You,
holding the world right in my hands,
the first thing I'd do,
is thank the stars above,
for the ones I love,
take a breath and enjoy the view,
live the life that I wanted to.

In the end we will all be like ''Mike'', Happy with our new significant other. Believe it, it will happen.
So it shall be written, so it shall be done.

Beautiful!! :D You took my words right out of my mouth.
As for Friday, Hmmmm... Be yourself and remain to yourself. She will be looking for your reaction. Even if its to boost her ego. Beware of this. And remember you already know what you want so don't let your emotions get the best of you... let logic sink its way through. :)

What kind of reaction you think she will be looking for ?

Beautiful!!!! :D You took my words right out of my mouth.
As for Friday, Hmmmm.....Be yourself and remain to yourself. She will be looking for your reaction. Even if its to boost her ego. Beware of this. And remember you already know what you want so don't let your emotions get the best of you....let logic sink its way through. :)

You think she wants to see me sad and depressed?
Cause I am not depressed anymore, I'm doing a lot better. I go out more, go to gym, eat more, and gained my normal weight.

You already agreed that acting like a "normal patient" was the appropriate course of action.

Go in there all mopey and you are giving her the power and she will probably think it's pathetic. I would as a girl.

No reason to be mopey anymore, enough time has passed and I have moved on. I have the power now. She got no power over me anymore. I am free and independent and enjoying being single again.

GOOD LUCK WITH TOMORROW =P let us know what happened =P - none12345

I think I screwed up, she called me tonight around 6 and I went to her house. We talked in person.

She said she was dissapointed I did not make any effort to try to get back with her. She is not seeing anybody else, and still has feelings for me, but she said she has mixed emotions. She wants to be with me, but she is afraid of the draining arguments, she doesn't want to fall in the argument zone again.

I told her I completely understand and I am willing to be supportive, I told her to take some more time apart to sort things out in her mind. She is thankfull I am understanding.
She suggested we see each other slowly, without family and friends knowing. She wants to take her time.
I made it clear I'm not going in the friend zone. Cause if I want to kiss her or hug her, as friends we can't do that. She completely understands. So now only time will tell, what's going to happen.

i think i screwed up, she called me tonight around 6 and i went to her house. we talked in person.

She said she was dissapointed i did not make any effort to try to get back with her. She is not seing anybody else, and still has feelings for me, but she said she has mixed emotions. She wants to be with me, but she is afraid of the draining arguments, she doesnt want to fall in the argument zone again.

I told her i completely understand and i am willing to be supportive, i told her to take some more time apart to sort things out in her mind. She is thankfull i am understanding.
She suggested we see each other slowly, without family and friends knowing. She wants to take her time.
I made it clear im not going in the friend zone. Cause if i wanna kiss her or hug her, as friends we can't do that. She completely understands. So now only time will tell, what's going to happen.

OMG >_< DUDE!! Is this a good thing or bad thing? O_O you might just be getting what you want from the beginning? Or your going to go back to square one with the pain and all >_<

OMG >_< DUDE!!! is this a good thing or bad thing? O_O you might just be getting what you want from the begining? or your going to go back to square one with the pain and all >_<

It's hard to say, I am taking a chance, it could be a good thing or a bad. I hope it's good.
But now I got to back off or ill appear needy and clingy again.

I don't think I can feel anymore pain, as I did 4 weeks ago. I am comfortable around her now and she saw it tonight, I was in a good mood, she was laughing, we kissed. It was awsome. Of course there was also some weird moments when we talked about the past and trying to find a solution, and she cried. So yeah lot's of mixed emotions. It did not appear like she had moved on. So it's really hard for me to know what exactly she is thinking. Im trying as much as I can.

I dont think i can feel anymore pain, as i did 4 weeks ago. I am comfortable around her now and she saw it tonight, i was in a good mood, she was laughing, we kissed. It was awsome. of course there was also some weird moments when we talked about the past and trying to find a solution, and she cried. So yeah lot's of mixed emotions. It did not appear like she had moved on. So it's really hard for me to know what exactly she is thinking. Im trying as much as i can.

Oh please be careful and aware of her mixed emotions. I understand every situation is not the same. Maybe you guys can talk about things or maybe she just wants to string you along to accompany her confusion. My ex's last question to me was "Are you happy?" After realizing I still wanted him back he backed off once again... Just to make sure I was in pain.

Just be very careful. Don't fill yourself with false hopes. I personally would not get intimate with her until you guys can talk as friends and once she decides she wants to get back with you then you do whatever. But until then you are still able to become emotionally attached from being physically involved.

I was there too!!!!So please take things very very slow.

Is it dangerous if she wants to be just casual for now?

is it dangerous if she wants to be just casual for now?

What's casual? Casual as friends? Than yes. And don't expect it to ever be more than that. If she wanats friendship that means she wants you in your life but not as her boyfriend and don't expect that to change.

Oh please be careful and aware of her mixed emotions. I understand every situation is not the same. Maybe you guys can talk about things or maybe she just wants to string you along to accompany her confusion. My ex's last question to me was "Are you happy?" After realizing I still wanted him back he backed off once again....Just to make sure I was in pain.

Just be very careful. Don't fill yourself with false hopes. I personally would not get intimate with her until you guys can talk as friends and once she decides she wants to get back with you then you do whatever. But until then you are still able to become emotionally attached from being physically involved.

I was there too!!!!So please take things very very slow.

How can you talk as friends and then become lovers again? I hear you can't fall in the friend zone, you will be trapped there if you fall in that zone. What I want to know is, is it possible to be in a casual relationship and fall in love again and go back to serious relationship?

I hate breaks :( but if you really think its worth it... and what you feel is important to you and her... then go for it man... I feel like I'm answering my own question... check my situation out really quick... id really appreciate some feedback...
Oh... send her an e mail and just talk about what happened... maybe ask her out for a cup of coffee. :)

How can you talk as friends and then become lovers again? i hear you can't fall in the friend zone, you will be trapped there if you fall in that zone. What i want to know is, is it possible to be in a casual relationship and fall in love again and go back to serious relationship?

Its hard to explain.
Pay no mind to the crying. Don't let that confuse your thoughts on how she is feeling. My ex cried too and dedicated songs to me.:confused:

What's being worked on here.
1.)Did you guys discuss the problems in your relationship?
2) Did she agree to date to exclusively?
3) Be prepared if you guys get into a casual relationship, she has the freedom to see other people.
4) Is she in it to work things out with you as equally as you are?

Its hard to explain.
Pay no mind to the crying. Don't let that confuse your thoughts on how she is feeling. My ex cried too and dedicated songs to me.:confused:

Whats being worked on here.
1.)Did you guys discuss the problems in your relationship?
2) Did she agree to date to exclusively?
3) Be prepared if you guys get into a casual relationship, she has the freedom to see other people.
4) Is she in it to work things out with you as equally as you are?

She said casual as in we can kiss, make out and everything and yes just us, no seeing anybody else. Not casual friends. Basically starting slow, taking our time. We want to work things out. She said actions speak more than words. So I guess we going to see.

She said casual as in we can kiss, make out and everything and yes just us, no seing anybody else. not casual friends. Basicly starting slow, taking our time. We want to work things out. She said actions speak more than words. So i guess we gonna see.

Casual relationship? I still don't know what that means. Is it the same as friends with benefits?

Are you guys going to be officially together?

Dude what I would suggest is don't rush into it yet. If you do that than she WILL know that she can leave you again and you would take her back again. If you really want to keep her for good, you need to let her know that you are going to consider this not jump into it when she brings it up. That way she won't take you for granted anymore because she ll know she ll lose you for good this time if she leaves again you won't take her back anymore.

That's what you need to get across her mind and you ll keep her for good.

Casual relationship? i still dont know what that means. Is it the same as friends with benefits?

are you guys going to be officially together?

Dude what i would suggest is dont rush into it yet. If you do that than she WILL know that she can leave you again and you would take her back again. If you really want to keep her for good, you need to let her know that you are going to consider this not jump into it when she brings it up. That way she wont take you for granted anymore because she ll know she ll lose you for good this time if she leaves again you wont take her back anymore.

Thats what you need to get across her mind and you ll keep her for good.

No I told her to take some more time to get her feelings together, because she has mixed emotions. I won't rush into anything. Going to take my time. I think it's normal. After 7 weeks apart, I did not expect anything more than this.

She said casual as in we can kiss, make out and everything and yes just us, no seing anybody else. not casual friends. Basicly starting slow, taking our time. We want to work things out. She said actions speak more than words. So i guess we gonna see.

I would back your idea of taking it slow, if you really mean it. I'm not a fan of defining it as casual, yet you guys are kissing, and everything else. I won't speak for you or anyone else, but I would not be able to keep it casual if I'm kissing and doing everything else with a girl. Call it old fashion or whatever you want. I would not be able to separate these "casual" feelings stirred up by these activities with real emotions.

I agree with another poster, who said not to let her take charge because if you do, she knows she will have you in her hands and can do this to you again.

Best of luck to you and think it through. Try to picture yourself months down the line and how do you really think it will turn out? Would you wish you had taken it slower?

Aw, she is letting you play kissy face again. DON'T!!

Until you resolve the problem, no matter how slow you go, it's a waste of time.

"Doing the same thing over and over, and EXPECTING different results" is the definition of insanity.

You really need to adjust your thinking, before you fall in too deep (again ) to help yourself.

Personally, she is trying to re-enforce her power over you, and is training you for what she wants.

Aw, she is letting you play kissy face again. DON'T!!!

Until you resolve the problem, no matter how slow you go, its a waste of time.

"Doing the same thing over and over, and EXPECTING different results" is the definition of insanity.

You really need to adjust your thinking, before you fall in too deep (again ) to help yourself.

Personally, she is trying to re-enforce her power over you, and is training you for what she wants.

I agree with Tal. Sorry tal got to spread the rep first. But yah you can't just let her walk back like nothing's happened. You got to let her know you might not take her back anymore for all that she has done to you. She's just going to leave you again knowing that you will take her back again if you take her back so fast right now.

I just got back from the clinic, the dentist gave me the stuff I need to continue without going at the office every two weeks, so I am good for 6 months at least.

It went well, I talked with my ex and it was a normal conversation, I paid the bill and then put my jacket and she said ''I'll call you later'' and I said OK don't be shy to call. And I left.

She said she had a hard time sleeping last night and so did I. I think she needs more time and space, whenever she is ready to try again, ill try one more time with her and see if we can make it work. I Know it won't be easy, it's going to take effort from both and patience.

Aw, she is letting you play kissy face again. DON'T!!!

Until you resolve the problem, no matter how slow you go, its a waste of time.

"Doing the same thing over and over, and EXPECTING different results" is the definition of insanity.

You really need to adjust your thinking, before you fall in too deep (again ) to help yourself.

Personally, she is trying to re-enforce her power over you, and is training you for what she wants.

Well she won't be seeing me anymore where she works, so she will have to contact me if she wants to see me. And if we do see each other I am going to make it clear that it's not to be friends with benefits. It's all or nothing, I told her this yesterday, I don't do things halfway. I understand she wants to go slowly after what just happened, that is normal. We didn't see or talk to each other for 7 weeks. We can't just start from where we left off like nothing happened. But like I said to her yesterday, if she doesn't feel anymore feelings I suggested we just end it, but she said she still feels something, it's the arguments she is afraid of, she is scared we going to argue again and end up splitting up again.

So today the song that definitely goes with my situation is:

George Harrison - I Got My Mind Set On You

I got my mind set on you

But its going to take money
A whole lotta spending money
Its gonne take plenty of money
To do it right child

Its going to take time
A whole lot of precious time
Its going to take patience and time, ummm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it,
To do it right child

Have one question for you Piran. Are you waiting on her next call?
Be honest to yourself. This is what usually happens when the door is not yet shut. And keep in mind that when your waiting on her next move... it makes it harder for you to go about your daily life without thinking about her. It sounds like she doesn't want to fully commit, yet have you too. See wants to see you every now and then "casusally". Your giving her options that she may or maynot turn down... Just be cautious. This sounds very familiar to me though... I don't know:confused:

Have one question for you Piran. Are you waiting on her next call?
Be honest to yourself. This is what usually happens when the door is not yet shut. And keep in mind that when your waiting on her next move...it makes it harder for you to go about your daily life without thinking about her. It sounds like she doesn't want to fully commit, yet have you too. See wants to see you every now and then "casusally". Your giving her options that she may or maynot turn down....Just be cautious. This sounds very familiar to me though....I don't know:confused:

I know what you mean, like she has the upper hand now and see me when she wants. I am in a tough situation I agree, I do not know what is going to happen. Right now I just want to concentrate on myself and keep getting better, I got out of the depression I was in and I feel liberated that I do not need to go to that place for a while now. She knows where I stand and she understands how I feel because we told each other everything yesterday. She said she was expecting me to go back to her and try to get her back yet she was the one who ended the relationship. Said I am not romantic since I did not even try to talk to her during the time I decided to go NC with her.

I am going to back off a bit and let things simmer, I suggested we see each other once a week for now and see where things go. I want to say to her: serious committed or nothing, but since the break up is still fresh I can't pressure her like this. It's just going to push her away. I believe if we going to be serious it has to come from her heart. Because she knows I still want that. What do you think?

She said she was dissapointed i did not make any effort to try to get back with her....
I know what you mean, like she has the upper hand now and see me when she wants... She said she was expecting me to go back to her and try to get her back yet she was the one who ended the relationship.

And why the hell couldn't she make the move? Come on man, what does that tell you? She expects you to play the role of a dog and run after her. She's trying to make you a safety net, something to catch her when her other relationships and flings fail.

Are you sure you really want to be with someone who thinks your that naïve? Seeing her less isn't going to make a difference. Nothing will change until you've written her off for a long time.

And why the hell couldn't she make the move? Come on man, what does that tell you? She expects you to play the role of a dog and run after her. She's trying to make you a safety net, something to catch her when her other relationships and flings fail.

Are you sure you really want to be with someone who thinks your that naive? Seeing her less isn't going to make a difference. Nothing will change until you've written her off for a long time.

Well she is in for a surprise cause I don't chase. I was able to do 7 weeks without a single phone call or e-mail. I can keep nc if I want to. I am just going to make it clear that I don't want to play mind games with her, and if she is not into committing anymore, I will just have to go back to NC for good. I don't want to be stuck in 2nd gear. The other possibility is she wants to see how long we can get along without arguing before we get back to serious. She really is afraid we will argue again and told me this many times.

And why the hell couldn't she make the move? Come on man, what does that tell you?

LOL...HAHAHAHA :D
That just made me die laughing for some reason.:D But its true! He made it clear to her how he feels towards her. Unless their was violence or any other intoleratable behavior(don't know if I spelled it right)... I don't see why such a big hesitation in deciding love for one another.

What did you guys argue about?

We argued about money a lot. She wanted me to spoil her, and 2 months ago I lost my job and ended up on unemployment insurance.
I did my best to pay the bill at restaurants or other outings. But there came a point where I needed her to help me pay sometimes and she did not like that at all. We argued for other stuff too, but in the end I did not feel like arguing anymore, got fed up. I mean I have a lot of stuff to pay too, I have monthly bills like everyone else. Car payments, etc...

It's tough, I feel like I have very little options.
There was never any violence between us. For behavior, I must admit I was a bit down after I lost my job, I was'nt as enthousiastic as I was, less outgoing, this probably did not help the situation either.

So you think she has changed? Or will change to get you back?? You think your in charge now? I don't think so.

You don't have love between you, you have a war of the wills. Your both trying to change each other.

we argued about money a lot. She wanted me to spoil her, and 2 months ago i lost my job and ended up on unemployment insurance.
I did my best to pay the bill at restaurants or other outings. But there came a point where i needed her to help me pay sometimes and she did not like that at all. we argued for other stuff too, but in the end i did not feel like arguing anymore, got fed up. I mean i have a lot of stuff to pay too, i have monthly bills like everyone else. car payments, etc...

It's tough, i feel like i have very little options.
There was never any violence between us. For behavior, i must admit i was a bit down after i lost my job, i was'nt as enthousiastic as i was, less outgoing, this probably did not help the situation either.

Well she has to learn to be understanding about things. When someone loses their job their finances are cut short... COMMON SENSE. This is not something you should work on. Its something for her to understand. Sounds like she's being materialistic about love.
What's money got to do with feelings... C'mon. Can't huggs and a kiss on the cheek be enough. You spended on her but when it came time for her spending on you she wasn't there. Imagine yourself in a real tragic life event where you had to depend on her. Do you picture her being there for you 100% with or without money? Think my friend... Think

So you think she has changed?? Or will change to get you back??? You think your in charge now?? I don't think so.

You don't have love between you, you have a war of the wills. Your both trying to change each other.

People don't change and its not healthy to make someone in a relationship change to make things work out. What if the change doesn't define them or make them happy? I think instead of trying to change, a relationship should settle their differences and work together for a solution and not try to change the other. You can't expect someone to change and if you can't work pass the differences maybe their not the right person to be with. That's what I've learned

we argued about money a lot. She wanted me to spoil her, and 2 months ago i lost my job and ended up on unemployment insurance.
I did my best to pay the bill at restaurants or other outings. But there came a point where i needed her to help me pay sometimes and she did not like that at all. we argued for other stuff too, but in the end i did not feel like arguing anymore, got fed up. I mean i have a lot of stuff to pay too, i have monthly bills like everyone else. car payments, etc...

It's tough, i feel like i have very little options.
There was never any violence between us. For behavior, i must admit i was a bit down after i lost my job, i was'nt as enthousiastic as i was, less outgoing, this probably did not help the situation either.

Sure money provides a comfortable life and easy life but I believe money doesn't not necessarily mean happiness. Wouldn't you rather have happiness than money? I know I would.

Well she has to learn to be understanding about things. When someone loses their job their finances are cut short.....COMMON SENSE. This is not something you should work on. Its something for her to understand. Sounds like she's being materialistic about love.
Whats money got to do with feelings...C'mon. Can't huggs and a kiss on the cheek be enough. You spended on her but when it came time for her spending on you she wasn't there. Imagine yourself in a real tragic life event where you had to depend on her. Do you picture her being there for you 100% with or without money? Think my friend.....Think

Your absolutely right LoveStoned, She is not understanding and she thinks I did on purpose to start arguments. Once again this demonstrates she is not flexible. She said that we both have hard heads and that's the main problem.

I think it's still possible to save things, but the chances we repeat the same arguments are big. We got to deal with our differences and accept them or else we will just run around in a circle and not get anywhere.

Aw, she is letting you play kissy face again. DON'T!!!

Until you resolve the problem, no matter how slow you go, its a waste of time.

"Doing the same thing over and over, and EXPECTING different results" is the definition of insanity.

You really need to adjust your thinking, before you fall in too deep (again ) to help yourself.

Personally, she is trying to re-enforce her power over you, and is training you for what she wants.

So what should I do? Refuse casual and give her an ultimatum, serious committed relationship or nothing?

So what should I do? Refuse casual and give her an ultimatum, serious committed relationship or nothing?


Choose for yourself, or nothing, and leave her alone, that simple.

If you have to go through all those changes to be with someone, I would question your own judgment.

Heal, and chose a real person, who actually wants to be with you!!

*****Harsh stuff deleted********

Choose for yourself, or nothing, and leave her alone, that simple.

If you have to go thru all those changes to be with someone, I would question your own judgment.

Heal, and chose a real person, who actually wants to be with you!!!!

*****Harsh stuff deleted********

I already have someone who wants to be with me. I just want to know if she is willing to come back how we were, if she doesn't I am ready to move with the new girl I met.

The problem is I don't want to regret my decision. That's why I want to know if she is willing to make efforts for us to get back or if she just wants to keep me as a 2nd option. So by giving her an ultimatum 2 weeks from now, I will know if she wants me back or not. Until then I will stick to NC until she calls me back.

I already have someone who wants to be with me. I just want to know if she is willing to come back how we were, if she doesnt i am ready to move with the new girl i met.

Heal from your 1st girl before involving someone else , you'll just be using her as a Rebound and that's selfish and not fair on her.

Heal from your 1st girl before involving someone else , you'll just be using her as a Rebound and thats selfish and not fair on her.

Yes , I won't do the rebound thing. I'm taking my time.

Are you going back to square one again?

yes , i wont do the rebound thing. im taking my time.

You said you have another girl that's interested. You are taking her as a rebound without even realizing it. She's your back up plan if your ex does not come through. She's your way of trying to move on without experiencing loss to the fullest. I have guys who approach me and ask me to go out... but the truth is I rather become friends more than anything. I need to really get to know myself without my ex in my life. What are my true strengths and weaknesses? What things do I enjoy doing? Take time to really HEAL!! You're in a vulnerable state. You think you're over her but your not. You think you're strong but you're still very weak.:o

She obiviously thinks she was right in many of your arguments which lead her to break things off. We all see things for what it truly is because we don't have the ATTACHED FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS AS YOU DO.

Ok here is an update. She called me tonight and we talked, she says she still needs time and has mixed emotions. I told her I won't do the casual thing with her or friendship. I told her I won't wait for her anymore and I'm deleting her and blocking her from msn. I told her why don't we just end it for good and stop the hurt. She said she doesn't want to hurt her own feelings and mine by making a final decision. Says she still has feelings. So I told her I won't be contacting her anymore. Going back to NC.

I have no choice, she just won't accept my offer of getting back together slowly. She is not ready or she never will be.
So I'm thinking of moving on, because ill be just waiting and wiaitng for nothing. For the girl I'm going to date, ill make sure it's not a rebound. I can wait another month before dating her. I will take my time. I really like her and we have long conversations.

Ok here is an update. She called me tonight and we talked, she says she still needs time and has mixed emotions. I told her i wont do the casual thing with her or friendship. I told her i won't wait for her anymore and im deleting her and blocking her from msn. I told her why don't we just end it for good and stop the hurt. She said she doesn't want to hurt her own feelings and mine by making a final decision. Says she still has feelings. So i told her i won't be contacting her anymore. Going back to NC.

I have no choice, she just won't accept my offer of getting back together slowly. She is not ready or she never will be.
So im thinking of moving on, because ill be just waiting and wiaitng for nothing. For the girl im gonna date, ill make sure it's not a rebound. i can wait another month before dating her. I will take my time. I really like her and we have long conversations.

Don't think of moving on buddy, DO IT!! Ill be doing the same with you. Screw our ex man. Its time we stop playing their shyt and stop wasting our time. She had her chance, take good care of the next girl that comes into your life.

Yeah, she just doesn't have the motivation or enough feelings to want to get back. I believe she did not miss me enough. I broke NC and that did not help. So it's going to take more time, so what am I going to do keep waiting for her? And waste my life waiting? No. I have no choice to move on. She even said I should date other women and not wait for her. So I have my answer.

That is right, Luigi,

As much as it hurts, you must move on for yourself. You deserve to be happy, correct?

That is right, Luigi,

As much as it hurts, you must move on for yourself. You deserve to be happy, correct?

Yes very correct!
I cannot wait and wait, life will go by and I will miss out. I cannot do this to myself.
I have wasted 2 months already. Enough is enough. For all of you out there that are in the same situation as me. It's OK to have hope that they will come back, but you must block emotions and use your logic. Would they pause their life and wait for us? I do not think so.
Why keep hanging on a thin rope, and torturing our mind and hoping we get that phone call or text message saying ''i miss you, I want you back'' As tempting as it might seem, the chances of this happening are very slim.

Better forgetting the past and moving forward and use the law of attraction. Attract everything positive to you by using an optimistic mindset. Create opportunities for yourself, whether it is career, love, financial. Put yourself in the right mood and go for it, cause if there is something I learn in life, if you don't create opportunities for yourself, they won't come to you.

Congratulations!! You have ended this 3 months earlier than I did. It takes permanent absence for one to realize what they have lost. Live your life and make every second count!! :D

Congratulations!!!! You have ended this 3 months earlier than I did. It takes permanent abscence for one to realize what they have lost. Live your life and make every second count!!!!:D

Thank you lovestoned. As much as I would have loved to reconcilliate, I accept the way things are and will be happy anyway and work on myself to be a better man for the next woman I meet. I want to be happy with her and give the best of myself so she can give me the best of herself too and we will share great moments. The past is gone, the present is now and it is building tomorrow. That's all that counts.

Here is an update of my situation. I took more steps to forget my ex. I deleted her pics on my cell and text messages. I am talking to other girls and there,s a possibility I will be dating a new girl in the coming days. It's crazy but we have so many things in comon.

I think the breakup happened for a reason, I am seeing the light now, it happened so I can meet this special girl I been talking to.
So yeah guys, see your breakup as the spark that will start a new and better relationship with a more compatible person.
Hard to believe? Believe it. No matter how much you would love to go back to that person that dumped you. Why do you want to torture yourself? You think you will never find better? WRONG.

Yourself esteem is hurt and you think she was the best you can find. Like I said earlier, be positive, attract everything that is best for you, do not settle for less than you deserve. Be confident and strong.

I would be VERY cautious about getting involved with another girl right now. The point of a break up isn't to rush into another relationship, and I fear you may be putting too much emphasis on being someone's boyfriend. REBOUND! Take it VERY slow, as you could hurt either the girl, yourself, or possibly both.

Yeah, I agree with Kctiger. I think you should take a break from relationship for now. Maybe even dating...

Take what's yours and leave the rest that's what I always say =P.

Anyway happy to hear you're doing good dood.

Here I want you to listen to this song. Its doing wonders for me =P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8j9hj-_GtrI

I don't think it's a rebound. If you are over your ex, why would it be a rebound? I have done all the grieving and I'm over her. I sincerely believe I am ready for a new relationship. No rebound.

If you were over her you wouldn't have a 17 page thread revolving around HER! Just my opinion.

yeah, I agree with Kctiger. I think you should take a break from relationship for now. Maybe even dating...

Life is too short, I'm ready for my new woman ;-)

Serious question: Why are you in such a hurry to have a woman in your life?

Serious question: Why are you in such a hurry to have a woman in your life?

Maybe cause us guys have needs but rather be intimate with someone we love and not a one night stand? I don't know that might be the case lol

I am not a one night stand dude... first and foremost... secondly, I just don't find the point in rushing into another relationship so quickly after you have been in a long term relationship.

I am not a one night stand dude...first and foremost...secondly, I just don't find the point in rushing into another relationship so quickly after you have been in a long term relationship.

What if you miss out on something amazing and you won't come across it again if you don't act now?

The day I meet a woman that I feel is that amazing, then perhaps I will agree with you... I think the issue here is that I value myself and my priorities too much to let that effect me... everyone is different though.


Carry on... :cool:

I understand your opinion KC, I have to mention the girl knows I was in a relationship and we will take it slowly. Just cause I'm going on a date with her doesn't mean I am going to jump on her and bring her home. I will take my time, and get to know her very slowly. Things will move in a natural way. Like none12345 says, you can't pass on opportunities just cause you had a bad relationship. And almost 2 months have passed and I feel I am ready.

You may feel your ready Luigi but a lot of the time this close to the event your just trying to fill the emotional void that the breakup has caused.

Just a word of warning though , be careful not to make someone believe you are into them fully when you could just be looking for a quick fix yourself , that's not fair to her.

OK I understand your point of view. Here is what I think. Each person is different and the amount of time it takes to be a rebound or not depends of each individual.

In my case, my relationship was over a long time ago. When she said her feelings for me changed. That was in September 2008. So I feel I have moved on a lot quicker than some people and this is the reason. I stayed with her to don't dump her and hurt her feelings, and waited and did things to push her to leave me.

And it was a bad relationship, so believe me, I would not go in a new relationship if I was'nt ready.

If you were over her you wouldn't have a 17 page thread revolving around HER! Just my opinion.

LOL you have a point. But all these posts helped me get the BIG picture. My emotions went away and my Logic kicked in. I want to thank everyone here that helped get through those hard times.

LOL HEHE HOW YAH DOING BUDDY? Just wanted to leave something on your thread lol XD

In 5 days it will be exactl 2 months it has ended. I still get flashbacks, it's not easy. I have accepted what happened. It has sinked in. You guys have any tips to make sure I don't do a rebound with the next girl?

in 5 days it will be exactl 2 months it has ended. I still get flashbacks, it's not easy. i have accepted what happened. it has sinked in. You guys have any tips to make sure i don't do a rebound with the next girl?

We won't exactly know if it's a rebound or not. Only you will know because its your feelings and we don't know how you feel. You just have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you really into this girl or not? Are you still hung over your ex? Because sometimes if your ex is still in your mind, than you might be blinded by how you really feel about this girl even though you might think you're really into her. If you have that all sort out than I'm pretty sure you won't make her a rebound.

Don't be around her because you feel like you need to be around her. Be around her because you want to. That's pretty much it.

Good luck bro =P - none12345

You guys have any tips to make sure I don't do a rebound with the next girl?

Heal, and have fun doing it!!

Heal, and have fun doing it!!!!

Thanks Tal, I been healing good so far. Better than I expected. I feel is going to be a great summer. I have a date tonight with a special girl I just met. We been talking all week and I hope with all my heart everything goes well. She sounds so simple and she is so calm just like me. I already feel a connection over the phone. I can't wait to spend time with her.

Here is a great song that fits well with the situation I am in.

YouTube - Kanye West - Heartless (Official Video HQ) (UMG Owns) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMjeyiU63eE)

Pirand: I almost lost all respect for you when you posted a Kanye song... that dude gives talent-LESS a whole new meaning. But, to each his own.

Now, to my point: I can pretty much gauge that you are looking for a rebound right now because you are soooo eager to replace the whole your ex left you with. That is just setting yourself up for failure my friend. Don't throw caution to the wind, not yet anyway.

Pirand: I almost lost all respect for you when you posted a Kanye song...that dude gives talent-LESS a whole new meaning. But, to each his own.

Now, to my point: I can pretty much gauge that you are looking for a rebound right now because you are soooo eager to replace the whole your ex left you with. That is just setting yourself up for failure my friend. Don't throw caution to the wind, not yet anyway.

KC I don't know this artist, I just liked the lyrics of the song. Kind of reminds me of my ex how heartless she was. Ok what can I do to make sure it won't be a rebound? Because I like this girl. And I want us to be together. Any tips?

You don't sound like your ready to date, and have fun yet. You already like her too much to be objective with this stranger. She may look good, or sound good, but she is a stranger.

You don't sound like your ready to date, and have fun yet. You already like her to much to be objective with this stranger. She may look good, or sound good, but she is a stranger.

Did I mention she smells good too, lol. :p

I totally agree with Tal, your not ready.

I totally agree with Tal, your not ready.

Well, I feel ready, I know it seems too soon for you guys, but like I said earlier, for me it was over 6 months ago and was just curious to see where it was going. This is why it was easier for me to move on. I am not doing a rebound. I really like this girl and we going to take things slowly. :D Happy Easter to all of you.

Update. Hi guys, today is April 14, exactly 2 months ago my ex broke up. I am happy to say I moved on and met a really nice woman which I enjoy spending time with. We are going to the movies tonight. I still get flashbacks of my ex, but I can honestly say the feelings are gone. She was a shallow materialistic gold digger. I deserve better and now I feel I have found the type of girl that is compatible with me. She is very affectionate and loves to cuddle. To you who just got dumped, move on as quickly as you can, your true love is around the corner waiting.

I don't care about the rebound theory, if you wait too long you might lose the opportunity with the right person you have right in front of you.

Or you rush from the frying pan into the fire.

Your true love appears, when life says your ready.

i dont care about the rebound theory, if you wait too long you might lose the opportunity with the right person you have right in front of you.

Luigi
We all hope the best for you but are just pointing out what we've seen time and time again.

Would hate to have you back here in 3 months time asking "Did I get into a Rebound too soon"

At first when I began breaking the no contact thing with my ex. I thought to myself... these people have good points but they don't know my situation. Well it turns out they were very on point on what they were saying and were very observant on what was going on. Everyone has gone through these experiences and are here to guide you with your way to healing.
Yes, we all wish you the best... Just take it slow with the girl. Get to know her for a while, build trust from friends first then let everything fall into place.

Put it this way... When I really sit down and think about things, it took me at least 6 months to really get to know my ex's true colors. The first few months were in the honeymoon stage.

Right now your judging a book by a few pages. Just take it slow. See the world!! :D Read a little further.

Or you rush from the frying pan into the fire.

LOL... haha
I just found that to be funny. Not his situation but the way you said it.:D

I really believe he still has feelings for his ex. Why would he want to get under her skin with revenge. Why the flashbacks? Why a relationship so soon.

I can't even hear the word relationship or commitment without freakin out. Trust has to be built first after suffering from a broken heart.

I just got back from the movies with my new girl and we had a nice talk in the car after the movie. She said she is a bit worried because she can't find anything bad about me. So I told her in time you will find something. It's OK we just met and we taking our time.

Kudos for you! Yay!

Hi, I think I can finally answer the question to my own thread. Can I get back with my ex-girlfriend after 2 months of no contact? No.
I am not saying it's impossible, but after a lot of thought I have come to realize that if she really loved me, she would have made the first steps, but since her pride and ego are higher than her mixed emotions, she will never make the steps to reconciliate with me. Confusion=low interest. I would rather be with a woman that has high interest in me and cares.

So the No contact did not help me get her back, it pushed each other away, but it helped me heal faster and in return I met a great girl and it helped me move on. Now how do I get her out of my system for good. I been having bad dreams of her for the past 2 weeks.

Hi, I think i can finally answer the question to my own thread. Can i get back with my ex-girlfriend after 2 months of no contact? No.
I am not saying it's impossible, but after a lot of thought i have come to realize that if she really loved me, she would have made the first steps, but since her pride and ego are higher than her mixed emotions, she will never make the steps to reconciliate with me. confusion=low interest. I would rather be with a woman that has high interest in me and cares.

So the No contact did not help me get her back, it pushed each other away, but it helped me heal faster and in return i met a great girl and it helped me move on. Now how do i get her out of my system for good. I been having bad dreams of her for the past 2 weeks.

You have just contradicted your whole "rebound" statement, which is what I have said all along. You should have been able to move on FULLY without the help of someone else being besides you, and being attracted to you, and wanting to date you. Is it a nice feeling? Yes. Do you need it? No. The fact that you are having such vivid dreams of your ex also points out to me that you are NOT over her yet, and you seem to be leaning on a crutch in the form of an attractive young lady to help you get over her. What next?

You have just contradicted your whole "rebound" statement, which is what I have said all along. You should have been able to move on FULLY without the help of someone else being besides you, and being attracted to you, and wanting to date you. Is it a nice feeling? Yes. Do you need it? No. The fact that you are having such vivid dreams of your ex also points out to me that you are NOT over her yet, and you seem to be leaning on a crutch in the form of an attractive young lady to help you get over her. What next?

I don't know, what next...

I agree with KC, you have found someone to stop the loneliness, and feel better about being rejected, but have not healed or worked on yourself. What's next, that's up to you buddy. Its all about how you handle your situation. We await your update, as time will tell if what you have done will have blessings or consequences.

So the No contact did not help me get her back, but it helped me heal faster.

This is what NC is all about and we say it day in day out.

Hope you've finally got it!

Hi. I'm sorry about this difficult situation. I understand that you are heartbroken and sick about this. Maybe you did the right thing by cutting her off Facebook and msn. It's probably in your best interest to ignore her text-messages, her phone calls. I think it's time to find a new dental clinic to go to.

I agree with you 100% in hard times true love really shows. i feel like she abandoned ship, in a way this was a test for me, if we were married this probably woulda been a divorce. The other test was our trip to mexico back in september. She was acting very cold and distant, not hugging or cuddling with me anymore and not kissing me with passion, just a peck or a superficial kiss. These were flags which i did not take seriously enough. They say a trip is a way of seeing if you gonna make it or break it. I know i will be better without her, yet something keeps giving ideas that maybe one day will regret what she did and want to reconciliate because this was her first serious relationship and i am the first guy she introduced to her family and friends.

I am just going to keep no contact and move on, i deleted her number on my cell, deleted from facebook, blocked on msn. I know sending that final email is tempting and will help me get closure, but i won't do it. They say silence is power, and i have the power right now. The power to move on and ignore. I did not end it, so i will never live with regret or guilt. It's her loss, I know by experience when you lose the good one, it's hard to get them back.
I went through the same thing recently... wow

Hi. I'm sorry about this difficult situation. I understand that you are heartbroken and sick about this. Maybe you did the right thing by cutting her off of facebook and msn. It's probably in your best interest to ignore her text-messages, her phone calls. I think it's time to find a new dental clinic to go to.

Thanks Bonnie, I am doing better now, I have completely blocked her out of my life and I have no temptation to contact her even when I had a few drinks :-)
It's been 2 weeks now since we last spoke. I told her that I would never contact her again, and if she wants to reconciliate to give me a sign. I will not take her back easily if ever she does want to come back. I know jumping right in her arms will just show I'm easy and she might repeat what she did.

Ya I won't be going back to that clinic, I paid what I owed them and they gave me the next apointment in 6 months, bt I won't go back, I'll find another place.

You guys were right about the rebound thing, I feel weird when I'm with new girl. Feels like I can't concentrate. She has sensed this and said I need more time.

I told her maybe I need a few days or a few weeks, but I admitted I wasn't ready for her. I mentioned my ex too often to her and I kept bringing back bad moments. I promised myself I would not do this but it came out accidentally a few times and she saw I am still hurting. I guess I going to take some more time for myself without dating.

You guys were right about the rebound thing,

LOL... we finally got one right ;)

Just take it slow Luigi!

Give me your greenies, and all will be forgotten! Good ole' KC knows what he is talking about (from time to time, and a very limited time at that!).

Carry on, my man!. :cool:

Yes you guys were right, now I need to know how long it's going to take? Cause I don't want to waste my life thinking about my ex. I want to be able to be happy again. Any tips?

My tip: Don't EXPECT anything... life happens to you, and when it does, you will know what to do. Just enjoy and don't worry about stupid, petty little things you can't control

'un jour a la fois'>One day at a time.

You can't rush your healing process and you should only get involve with someone when your truly over your ex. You don't want to carry any emotional baggage to next relationship because that would be unfair to your partner.

So again, don't try to rush your healing process. The time frame of getting over your ex varies from person to person. Maybe you should write a closure letter than burn it. Sometimes it helps when people does this.

I feel like I can't continue any progress, like I am still stuck with my ex haunting me, and I am worried she will write me a letter or contact me while I am seeing another woman. I know because this has happened before in my past and it might happen again.

If she writes you a letter don't read it. Put it in the garbage.

If she calls don't answer her calls. If she sends you a text immediately delete it without opening it. If she leaves a voicemail delete it.

You have control so don't let her get in touch with you when she wants to play your emotions. If anything you can always change your number.

You allow her to ruin things in the past so you should be hip to her game and wise enough to not let it happen again.

If she writes you a letter don't read it. Put it in the garbage.

If she calls don't answer her calls. If she sends you a text immediatly delete it without opening it. If she leaves a voicemail delete it.

You have control so don't let her get in touch with you when she wants to play your emotions. If anything you can always change your number.

You allow her to ruin things in the past so you should be hip to her game and wise enough to not let it happen again.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me

i feel like i can't continue any progress, like i am still stuck with my ex haunting me, and i am worried she will write me a letter or contact me while i am seeing another woman. I know because this has happened before in my past and it might happen again.

Why don't you try doing something useful rather than sitting around thinking how your ex will destroy your next relationship.Go read a book, go for a walk

I am keeping busy, but these thoughts happen at night before bed or on the week ends when we were together. It's hard to just turn these ideas off when you have been 15 months with someone and it's been 2 months your not together anymore. I need more time...

You have plenty of time. Keep living your life and doing what you're doing. Take your time and enjoy. No need to rush.

Reread your own thread, your solutions, and some good suggestions, are there, you just need to be reminded. I think your mind is more receptive now.

If you'd started the things that have been told to you by so many on this thread at the beginning you would be so much further into your healing process by now.

But because you kept believing things could work out and you held on to false hope that's what makes you STUCK.

Let go NOW and get on with the healing process and in a few months you'll feel so much better about it all. Then you'll come back here and cringe at some of the stuff you are doing now.

Believe me.

If she writes you a letter don't read it. Put it in the garbage.

If she calls don't answer her calls. If she sends you a text immediatly delete it without opening it. If she leaves a voicemail delete it.

You have control so don't let her get in touch with you when she wants to play your emotions. If anything you can always change your number.

You allow her to ruin things in the past so you should be hip to her game and wise enough to not let it happen again.
100% right Liz. That is key to NC. It's a game they know all to well. They know exactly how to conquere it. Number one thing to do is to lose any hope.

I think when it will be 3 months I can officially say I moved on. Right now I still have some feelings left... NC helped me a lot. I did all my best to block all contact with her. I am seeing the light out of the dark tunnel I was in for the past 8 weeks. Don't let anyone control you. You are master of your destiny.

I think trying to put a deadline on when you think you will be over this is pretty unfair and unrealistic. It happens when it happens. You will have moved on when you no longer talk about it and it becomes instinctive to just live your life without wondering about her.

I think trying to put a deadline on when you think you will be over this is pretty unfair and unrealistic. It happens when it happens. You will have moved on when you no longer talk about it and it becomes instinctive to just live your life without wondering about her.

Absolutely right, I am going to enjoy my single status and be happy again. I am not ready to be in a relationship. I still get thoughts of her, but less and less. I have a few female friends all telling me the same thing, she was not worth it and was'nt treating me right. Why do we want to go back to a person that was'nt respecting us? Why go back to arguments and incompatibility? Why do we hope that all this will change and that everything will be fine.

I do not know why our brain likes to torture itself. I willl miss her a lot because of all the moments we shared. I wish everything would get how it was in the beginning, but I know this is a fairy tale and it won't happen. We did not have the same view on the relationship and I think this was the main problem.

I guess the best thing to do is to see all the good that came out of this breakup. Freedom is a great thing, you can do anything you want without anybody complaining or nagging about it. I can spend my money how I want, I don't have to constantly worry about entertaining anymore. I feel less stress.:D

Hi guys, a little update...

Today marks the 3rd month since the break up.
I still think of her, but a lot less, I don't have anymore dreams of her. I am able to focus on my portfolio and job hunting. I have a job interview next week.

I am still doing NC with success, I haven't spoken to her since April 3rd. I told her I wasn't going to call her back ever. It's up to her if she wants to reconciliate. I won't beg or try to get her back because she decided to leave, not I.

I refused casual, I told her I hate that word and never want to hear it again. So now I am moving on, I am actually able to concentrate on working on my PC for long hours without thinking of her anymore. My life has other priorities now and I am focusing on them a lot more than before.

I believe I will be able to be 100% over her once her birthday has passed...

No contact is the way to go. I'm glad I found this site.
Thanks for the tips everyone they really helped me.
Nobody deserves to be downgraded, and if they think they are better than you, kick them to the curb, you know you don't deserve to be manipulated by anyone.

Good for you , glad we could help :)

Sometimes just takes a while to sink in that what we're saying is for a reason.

Hi guys, a little update...

It's now April 30th, 4 days until her birthday, I am wondering how it will be on that day...
It's almost time to say goodbye forever... I think it will finally be over in my mind on that day.
No turning back, just moving forward.

It is hard to look back and realize what happened, it's like a bad dream.
All I can say is I am glad the bad dream is almost over. One of her girlfriends talked to me on Facebook and was asking me questions about me, if I met someone, if I am doing OK... etc...

I was polite and answered back, but tried to don't give too much info on myself. Do you guys think she is trying to find out what I am up to? I did not ask anything about my ex... I don't want to know.

I have kept NC since April 3rd and kept away, no text, no email, no phone, nothing...
It will be 4 months on June 14 that we are broken up. I still get flashbacks and think of her occasionaly, am I on the right track to getting over her?

You would be when you stop letting her friends stir up those old feelings again

You would be when you stop letting her friends stir up those old feelings again

Yeah your right, I was feeling weird again after talking to her friend, it's like it woke up old memories that were sleeping in me. Why is she doing this to me, it's like she enjoys when I suffer.

Ok, I'll reply to this question without going through all 232 answers. Sorry if I missed any updates.

I'll tell you one thing: I broke up 1.5 month ago. There isn't one single thing I regret most about doing: NO CONTACT. When you constantly bombard her with SMS, emails, etc:

(1)you give her ALL the love that she can get. Even if your texts are simple, of the type "hi, how are you?". It shows that you're still interested. Just think about removing all the love from her, let her feel empty, let her feel what it's like without having someone having true feelings for her. Every human being desperately needs to be loved & cared for, it's human nature. If you don't give it to her, she'll come looking for it.

(2)It's a hard pill to swallow, but you'll have to get used to the fact that you won't know who she's with, what she's doing, etc.

Let time pass, and there are chances she'll come back. But don't hold your breath. Move on with your life. Easier said than done. I'm still in the process of trying, soon I'll be over my ex. I feel you.

You know what's the worst part? Similarly to your ex, my ex has been doing the same sh!t things: she chose the bad way to break up, she's treating as if I am her enemy. You say you've sent her some emails she didn't reply to. I hate it when somebody does this. There are stupid mind games, just to make the other person feel jealous and let him wondering. She does not deserve you.

tree56 I been doing no contact and it helped me a lot. On the other hand I feel like it pushed her away from me, she wanted me to pursue her to try to get her back, she admitted this to me 2 months ago. Maybe I would have got her back, but on her terms, and she could break up again easily.

So yes, I am taking away all the love I gave her and everything she took for granted. The last words I told her were this: '' I won't call you anymore, fix your mixed emotions and when you feel ready, you know my number.''

If she calls back, it's all good, if she doesn't, well I guess it's over for good. I cannot be with a woman who is half way there, confused, mixed emotions, etc...

It's obvious she has low interest and there is nothing I can do about it. The hardest thing about this breakup is that we had so many high hopes and long term projects. It's all down the drain.

During the relationship she frequently suggested we break up because we had arguments, so I had her feeding me with relationship insecurity and at work the bosses constantly saying our project might be ended, I had job insecurity too.

In the end all this was too much for me... too much stress.

Pirandello, I am exactly where you are, right now.

I'll tell you this: if only I could be as much wise as I am now, 2 months ago. Then, she wouldn't had dumped me. Whatever I was doing, was completely wrong. But, I had to let 1.5 month pass, doing every mistake you can imagine.

You know what's the best approach? Your ex suggests you have to break up? Then, you go like "ok, no problem. if that's what you want". And then leave her 2-3-4 weeks with NO contact. Then, she'll be looking for some sort of "closure", she'll want to discuss again. She'll think "oh hell, what have I done".

And I did the same damn mistake every other guy does when we're in panic: I begged for 2-3 days. Don't say that 2-3 days is quite short time. It was enough to push her away. What's more, I screwed up my last chance, by sending her a long regretful email, 3 weeks after our break up. Aaaarrgghhhhhh, I want to slap myself..

What happened is that my actions were constantly giving her the "closure" that everybody needs after a break up, either if they are the dumper or the dumpee.

Sorry pal, it looks like you've screwed up your chances. As I have, of course.

But, you know what? My break up just made me more wise. I grew up from it. I learned a lot of things.

The most important: you don't have to let your life be dependent upon anyone. Live your life by yourself, just think of other people as "a good/pleasant addition" to your life. Nobody should be that necessary for us to be happy, let alone when THEY don't think we are necessary for theirs.

And I did the same damn mistake every other guy does when we're in panic: i begged for 2-3 days. Don't say that 2-3 days is quite short time. It was enough to push her away. What's more, I screwed up my last chance, by sending her a long regretful email, 3 weeks after our break up. Aaaarrgghhhhhh, I wanna slap myself..

What happened is that my actions were constantly giving her the "closure" that everybody needs after a break up, either if they are the dumper or the dumpee.



OK but the thing is, I did not beg after the break up, I did NC until I had no choice to talk to her. Yes I asked her to reconsider, but never I begged her to come back. I even refused her offer for a casual relationship. But when she said she had mixed emotions, I knew her feelings were not real, and if you love someone will you offer them casual ? I do not think so.

She was a superficial woman and unfortunately I cannot accept a woman with this behavior in my life. If I saw some effort from her part I would have done something to try to save things.

But when your dealing with a selfish woman who just cares about her needs and has a philosophy of: ''i can replace him anytime I want'', it's a lost case, don't waste your time.
Why beg her back ? She's the one that ends things and we suppose to beg them back? Doesn't make any sense. Bro, I closed all contact with her and I did'nt give her any closure. One of her friends tried to get info out of me on Facebook, so she is trying to find out if I am with another woman.

What will you do tree56 if she calls you back ? Will you talk to her ?

I wish she calls me back. Not because I want to re-ignite our lost spark.

Just because I need to take revenge. Yes, as pitiful as it may sound, I need to hurt her as much as she did. Plus, I'm more clever than just tell her "Hm, please don't call me again, I'm over you, I'm with a new girlfriend".

What I'm going to tell her will really hurt her, but without exposing a desire to do so. I will let it seem natural, as it just happened, as if I didn't have intention to hurt her.

I know that many of you will disagree. Many of you will think how selfish I am.

You said that she made a friend of yours pull out information about you on Facebook. That reveals that she still cares. She is just so selfish, that she wants to move on with her life without you, but at the same time is so jealous that doesn't want you to move on, without her divine presence.

Anyway, this post is about your situation, not mine, therefore I shall ask the same question: what will you do if she comes crawling back?

Hmmm, good question my friend. I do not know at this time how I will react. For sure I will give it a long reflexion before I make my decision.

I think some people may regret what they did, in this case they deserve a second chance. But if she doesn't regret it and continues to be selfish and just thinks what she is getting out of it, then she doesn't deserve a second chance.

Like the saying goes, ''if you love someone set them free. If they come back they're yours forever'', so if they come back and they are truthful and genuine, then you got to give them a second chance.

Even though the temptation of revenge is there, we won't get anything out of revenge, but regret only. In my case the last thing I want is hate between her and I. As much as I got hurt by her attitude and behavior, I learned a lesson.

So to answer your question, I think yes I would take her back, but I would not be easy with her, she would have to prove to me that she really loves me and would never pull a thing like this again.

How long were you guys together, if you don't mind me asking tree56...

Ha, why should I mind you asking Pirandello? :-)

You can always check my thread:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/both-too-proud-make-first-move-352627.html

But I'll give you some brief info about myself & my ex:

I'm 27 years old, (there is a typo in my thread, it says 31, wrong) have been with this lady for 7 years, got engaged 2 years ago. She's 24. We are not Americans, we come from Western Europe, although it doesn't matter, because while spending time on AMHD I found out that when it comes to emotions & relationships, different cultures come to play very small role. For any other info you might need, check my thread.

Our situations look alike, apart from the fact that your ex kept her dignity, and broke up in a much more mature way.. Mine did the break up as if she was 15 years old.

Ha, why should I mind you asking Pirandello? :-)

You can always check my thread:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/both-too-proud-make-first-move-352627.html

but I'll give you some brief info about myself & my ex:

I'm 27 years old, (there is a typo in my thread, it says 31, wrong) have been with this lady for 7 years, got engaged 2 years ago. She's 24. We are not Americans, we come from Western Europe, although it doesn't matter, coz while spending time on AMHD I found out that when it comes to emotions & relationships, different cultures come to play very small role. For any other info you might need, check my thread.

Our situations look alike, apart from the fact that your ex kept her dignity, and broke up in a much more mature way.. Mine did the break up as if she was 15 years old.


Mine broke up over the phone, which I find was very immature :-)

Can somebody please explain how on earth can a woman walk out of a relationship (let alone an engagement, in my case), and throw away 7 wonderful years? Full of joy & happiness? So suddenly, without any signal!

How can a woman be so strong, to remove all her feelings out of the blue? And then pretend as if she doesn't care about the break up?

I'm not criticizing women, every sex has its own characteristics. But, I have the impression that women tend to dump much more easily than men (just count what the ratio of men vs. women thread starters on AMHD is... I bet it's something like 10:1)

Can somebody please explain how on earth can a woman walk out of a relationship (let alone an engagement, in my case), and throw away 7 wonderful years? Full of joy & happiness? So suddenly, without any signal!!

How can a woman be so strong, to remove all her feelings out of the blue? And then pretend as if she doesn't care about the break up?

I'm not criticizing women, every sex has its own characteristics. But, I have the impression that women tend to dump much more easily than men (just count what the ratio of men vs. women thread starters on AMHD is... i bet it's something like 10:1)

It isn't good to piggyback your own question on somebody else thread. Now your free to go back to your own thread and ask this question.

Your searching and searching for answers and you received some good answers on your thread.

Nobody knows why your fiancé did what she did only she does. We aren't mind readers and when can only guess reasons she left but sometimes things happen for a reason and it best for you to do your best in moving on.

Now your trying to say that all females do what your fiancé did by leaving and that isn't true. Every female aren't the same just like any male isn't. You might have thought everything was okay and the relationship you and her once had was perfect but it wasn't.

Would you have prefer her to leave now or later? Would you have prefer that she cheated on you down the road or ended it like she did? Sometimes when we are hurting it clouds our mind from seeing the bigger picture.

My answer was a direct response to Pirandello's post, with supporting evidence from my case.

My answer was a direct response to Pirandello's post, with supporting evidence from my case.

it's OK you can keep posting here tree56, you been helping me understand the whole situation.

Whatever the reason they left us, it don't matter anymore, they are gone and our life continues without them. Hard to accept, but hey, like I said earlier, if you love her, set her free, if she comes back she still loves you, if she doesn't she was never yours to begin with.

That's the way I see it. Harsh eh? Life is harsh. We wish everything would go smooth and perfect, but no, sometimes it sucks. But just remember that when a door closes on you another one opens. Always look for new beginings, new challenges. Get a fresh new start and put the past behind.

I wish I had the solution or answer why they left? Unfortunately I don't. There is a lot of things she said to me that did not make any sense and I also know she had mixed emotions, so what's the use trying to understand? Mixed emotions = no logic.

My logic tells me to get the hell out of there when a woman has mixed emotions.
and that's what I did.

tree56 keep posting here dude, let it out it's going to help you brother.

cheers!

Pirandello, how easy will it be for you to trust a woman again? What was your ex like, when you first met her? Did you ever expect such a behavior from her?

When I met my ex, she was shy, polite, she could barely look me in the eyes, because of her shyness. She thought she was the most lucky person because I chose her as my partner, and I would always try to make her feel we are equal.

What about your relationship? Did you ever expect she could walk away so easily from your relationship? Ever expected she could demonstrate so much power to dump you for silly reasons?

Tree, I respect that you feel bitter about what happened, but get over it. This is life. There are a lot of things that will come your way that you just flat out don't expect. It is the way of the world. People change, without notice and without fair warning. The best thing you can do is chalk this up to reality and the acceptance that it wasn't meant to be. Walking around in a pity pot, however, does nothing.

When someone dumps me, it is their loss, flat out. Have the same mentality and get moving buddy.

I've already moved on dude! And I'm glad, every morning I wake up I feel better.

I just want to know what others expected from their ex, immediately before their break up. That's why I asked Pirandello about his ex, I want to explore other's situations, as well. It helps me learn my lessons better.

I just want to know what others expected from their ex, immediately before their break up.


To leave me alone, and not bring more drama, and confusion... and BS!!

(Got dumped a lot, I might add)

Pirandello, how easy will it be for you to trust a woman again? What was your ex like, when you first met her? Did you ever expect such a behavior from her?

When I met my ex, she was shy, polite, she could barely look me in the eyes, because of her shyness. She thought she was the most lucky person coz I chose her as my partner, and I would always try to make her feel we are equal.

What about your relationship? Did you ever expect she could walk away so easily from your relationship? Ever expected she could demonstrate so much power to dump you for silly reasons?

To tell you the truth tree56, it's going to take me time to trust another woman, I also know not all women are like her. Same here for the beginning, she was shy, kind, affectionate, she loved to spend time with me. Then with time it's like it faded away, she became cold and distant and irritable.

I never expected her to end the relationship the way she did, for such dumb reasons. I guess in the end they didn't care anymore, we were just another guy in their life and they want to be with someone else. I know she wanted a guy to spoil her and I wasn't spoiling her enough. So in my case she left because of superficial reasons. She was too high maintenance for me. Was your ex high maintenance ?

Whatever the reasons, I don't believe in blaming myself or her for the breakup. It happened, there is nothing I can do about it, I accept it as a lesson learned and in the future I will see the signs and patterns of superficial women and avoid them.

Are you still hurting from your breakup ? And don't be afraid to say it.
It's going to be 4 month soon and I am still hurting. It's OK to admit it.

Of course it still hurts. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. At first, I was spending 90&#37; of my time wishing she would come back, the other 10% wishing she would not. As time passed, the ratio progressively turned opposite, now let's say I'm more like 80% I don't want her to come back. I'm sure that soon enough I'll forget her 100%.

Can you please explain what do you mean by "high-maintenance"? English is not my native language, so there are a few idioms/phrases I don't quite understand. I think you mean it's a woman for which you have to make huge efforts to read her mind?

You also said "I know she wanted a guy to spoil her and i wasn't spoiling her enough". Can you please elaborate?

Of course it still hurts. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. At first, I was spending 90% of my time wishing she would come back, the other 10% wishing she would not. As time passed, the ratio progressively turned opposite, now let's say I'm more like 80% I don't want her to come back. I'm sure that soon enough I'll forget her 100%.

Can you please explain what do you mean by "high-maintenance"? English is not my native language, so there are a few idioms/phrases I don't quite understand. I think you mean it's a woman for which you have to make huge efforts to read her mind?

You also said "I know she wanted a guy to spoil her and i wasn't spoiling her enough". Can you please elaborate?

High maintenance just means they want a lot of your time and money to make them happy. You basically take care of there every waking need.

Can you please explain what do you mean by "high-maintenance"?

The link below will give you an idea.

AskMen.com - High Maintenance Women (http://au.askmen.com/dating/keywords/high-maintenance-women.html)

Of course it still hurts. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. At first, I was spending 90% of my time wishing she would come back, the other 10% wishing she would not. As time passed, the ratio progressively turned opposite, now let's say I'm more like 80% I don't want her to come back. I'm sure that soon enough I'll forget her 100%.

Can you please explain what do you mean by "high-maintenance"? English is not my native language, so there are a few idioms/phrases I don't quite understand. I think you mean it's a woman for which you have to make huge efforts to read her mind?

You also said "I know she wanted a guy to spoil her and i wasn't spoiling her enough". Can you please elaborate?

High maintenance means, a woman who wants everything her way, you must spend a lot of money on her to make her happy. She thinks love is measured by the size of the gift or amount of money you spend on her. She is not a flexible giver. She is a taker, she wants to be spoiled. She cannot spend quality time with you alone, she always needs her friends around her, she expects you to pay all the tabs when you go out because you must treat her like a princess. After all, you are the man, so you are the provider and show her that she will never miss anything.

She said to me straight to my face, '' I want to be spoiled '' after all the gifts I got her and all the times I took her out. It just was never enough for her. Always wanted more.
Some guys enjoy this type of women, I say good for them. If they have the financial power and patience to deal with them. I know it has something to do with attitude. If a woman with a good attitude loves you for who you are and not what you own, you will be happy.

Have I answered your question? Was your ex like this? Did you feel like you never did enough for her? Did you ask yourself the question, ''what do I have to do to make her happy?''

Today is her birthday, I have decided to not contact her, I will keep doing NC, birthday or not, holiday or not. Strict NC.

She don't deserve any birthday wishes anyway, after what she said on my birthday that she didn't have the same feelings for me anymore.

I am one step closer to moving on...
God bless.

Really? She said she had no feelings for you, on your birthday? Hell. Of course she deserves no wishes. Please remind me, how long has it been since you last had a contact with her? 4 months?

Pirandello, did she ever tell you what exactly where you doing wrong, so that she stopped having feelings for you? If not, where you ever able to understand by yourself? (if yes, can you share it with us?).



P.S: To answer one of your previous questions, if my ex was high maintenance.. Hmmmm, these are my points, and you can tell me your opinion:

(1)She was not, as far as money was concerned.. Or going out.. Yes, my fiance did ask me quite a few times if we could go out a bit more often, but she wasn't demanding it.. She would understand, when I told her that I was tired, etc... But, steadily over the years, I started to realize that we should get more socialized, so lately I was doing good efforts to meet her demands (without being a doormat). So, we started exploring our town's nightlife, having a really good time, and she seemed to be enjoying it.. And now, her "revenge" is to upload a bunch of pictures on her facebook profile (that is intentionally left unlocked), from the nights out with her new friends, to show me she's having the time of her life after our break up.. As if I was keeping her in a cage, during our relationship.

(2)She was a high maintenance woman, as far as her emotions were concerned.. She was insecure, constantly looking for emotional & physical approval.. She would ask me a million times per day if I loved her, and she would always think she's fat (although she had a great body).. Does this mean she was high-maintenance? Or is it normal for all women?

Really? She said she had no feelings for you, on your birthday? Hell. Of course she deserves no wishes. Please remind me, how long has it been since you last had a contact with her? 4 months?

Pirandello, did she ever tell you what exactly where you doing wrong, so that she stopped having feelings for you? If not, where you ever able to understand by yourself? (if yes, can you share it with us?).


It's been 2 months I did not have any contact with her. 2 months of NC.
She never told me exatcly what I did wrong because I wasn't doing much wrong. She was just tired of arguments, she said we argued too much, I don't find we did. Everyone argues once in a while. The arguments were cause by money mainly. The other reason is that she always wanted to be with her friends and her friends constantly called her. It got quite annoying, her cell phone rang often and it just got on my nerves. Not much privacy.

So she was more a social person and always looked to be around people, and I was the opposite, I preferred privacy and I wanted us to be more alone. I guess she felt trapped too, I only saw her twice a week by the way. I will never understand what truly pushed her to break up, but I think the main reason is she didn't have much interest in me.