Hello everyone! Sorry for being away so long. I have been going through A LOT of poopie (can I say that?:)) Anyway, can anyone tell me if tons and tons of stress will cause a partner to cheat or cause the other partner to think they are cheating?

He has never done anything as far as I know. IF he has he is VERY good at hiding it. But I am beginning to wonder ALL THE FREAKING TIME who he is with, if he is cheating, who he calls when he leaves etc... I am not sure if it is him giving me vibes that my "sixthsense" is picking up on or if it is me being paranoid and having a defeated self esteem (due to all the stress and drama NOT caused by hubby)

Can someone help? I hate feeling like this. And I hate going crazy wondering about all of it.

Insecurities, perhaps you need to see a counselor to work out your issues. That's the road I had to go on and it's a struggle but I am doing a lot better

I have thought counselor, but we really don't have the money or a way to go together without our kids.

How long have you been with him? Have you been cheated on in the past by other people?

Lowered self esteem can definitely lead you to not trusting. I think if he truly has done nothing suspicious, then you need to address the issues within yourself.

What about going to a local church, ministers are good counselors as well.

Ya I agree that you need to deal with your own self esteem issues.

You'll end up driving him away otherwise..

Hmm, well we have been together almost four years. He has done small stuff, like flirts real bad with women. Checks them out right in front of me. Has talked to ex girlfriends on the phone when we first go togther, and went to the bar without telling me and I have caught him flat out lying to me the past month or so about stupid stuff. But realizing that he can lie to me real easy bothers me.

My relationship before him lasted (off and on) 5 years and he did nothing but cheat on me and abuse me.

We do not go to church. For our own personal reasons. We choose to practice our faith in the privacy of our home.

Talk to him, tell him how you are feeling, honesty and communication are key.

It is a red flag for me that he can lie to you. The little alarm in my head would be going off too.

The first thing you need to do is talk to him calmy about the lying. I am not saying he is cheating or not, he may not be. But lying to your partner,about anything at all, is not good.

Of course, your insecurities may be stemmed from your previous relationship. Have you always felt this way about your current partner or is this a new issue?

With that information, I would say yes, he seems untrustworthy.

The feelings of him cheating and lying and hiding and sneaking have been real bad lately. Only occurred previously when we fought or I caught him doing something bad.


Thank you for insight. I will try to talk to him again. And I guess wait to catch him red-handed. Then leave.

My opinion is that if you are just now getting these feelings, then it is probably intuition rather than insecurity.

If it was insecurity, you would have felt this way all along.

That makes sense. Why would he all of a sudden start lying about stuff? Or has he been doing it all along and I just now caught him? Stupid. Why ruin a wonderful family over bigger tits or a red head tonight because you've had blonde for four years.

I can't wait to catch him. I really can't.

Don't let yourself become bitter about it. If you know he is cheating, you shouldn't wait to catch him. You should find your strength and leave.

I speak from experience when I tell you that if you wait around now,you'll continue to wait around.

But how do leave if you don't know for sure he is cheating? What if I am pushing him away and causing him to lie because he knows it will only make me worry more?

Ha ha that sounds so dumb I know, but its how I feel.

It does sound dumb but we've all been there. Talk to him, tell him how you feel. If he's a good man & he really loves you, he can give a good explanation & an apology. Maybe he isn't cheating but you do not deserve to be lied to either. It's hard to give relationship advice. It boils down to how you feel and what you think is best for you.

Do you have children together?

Yes two. I have tried to talk to him and he just swears that he isn't cheating and that I am being ridiculus.

I will wait for a great night and bring it up again. Calmly and see what happens.

THank you.

Flirting doesn't means that he is cheating but if he is doing it in front of you and it makes you feels uncomfortable than he shouldn't do it out of respect.

Also, sitting around waiting to catch him is unhealthy. There are kids in your household and if your unhappy they can sense it and it isn't fair to them.

I think maybe a combination of fear, and his actions, have you insecure, but the lying stands out. Lying leads to mistrust, insecurity, and resentments. All relationship killers.

You may not know if he is cheating, but lying can be addressed, through some honest, calm communications, and maybe he can give you some insights into his behavior, or something solid to talk about.

Its not unusual for guys to be anywhere but home, when you have toddlers, nor is it unusual to make excuses about it.

Its also very possible things in both your lives is disconnecting you. Again honest communications, and being a good listener, may get you some answers, or some peace.

Just curious, does he spend time with his kids, so you can take a break every now, and then? Do you do things outside the home, that you enjoy?

These are all factors into your perspectives and moods that have an effect on your attitude.

Hello. May I just say that if you keep thinking like that you're going to turn into a guy lol. Everyone has these insecurities, stress esepcially doesn't help. IF you care enough about this guy you should trust him to do the right thing. Every chance you get you need to hang out with him and stay close, don't let the fire die.

-Mouse

Ok well we talked and basically he is SERIOUSLY stressed out about his job and the lies he has told me have been (him talking) to protect me from knowing all of his stresses because I have enough of my own.

We have recently been through some MAJOR issues with both sides of our family, I went through a cancer and big surgery, I was out of work but still racking up medical bills.

He comes home everyday after work. He rarely goes out with friends, he spends time with kids, he keeps them for me to go to work or go have "me" time, and he spends A LOT of money on the family since he is the main money source.

We also agreed that we NEVER get any time alone. We don't have any family to babysit, and our work schedules don't allow for a daycare to babysit for us to be together.

He suggested a family vacation this fall.

I feel inadequete(sp?) because I don't own anything, I don't make hardly any money, I can't do repairs on the house or cars, and most of the drama in our lives is because of my family or me needing medical treatment.

He said he knows my insecurities stem from my past but that he doesn't help by being really hurtful when we fight and by keeping things (even if they are stressful) from me. He said he was sorry, that he doesn't want me to feel that way and to remember that no matter what he will always love me and will always be in love with me.

AND WE Didn't"T EVEN HAVE SEX BEFORE OR AFTER THE TALK!!!! So I know it was from his heart not his penis!!!!! lol

Thank you all for advice. Hopefully we can figure out a way to get some "us" time in.


PS Talaniman> thank you for answer! I have to spread it around some! But you are amazing as always!!