My best friend and I have been friends since we were about 5, were really more like sisters. Since Junior High my friend has been really slutty. And by slutty I really mean she sleeps around with a lot of different men. No matter what her family, friends, me and even strangers have told her or said about her she has never stopped. The other day I was just thinking to myself that I know of at least 50 guys she's slept with and it's just getting worse. This weekend she went home with a complete stranger from the club which she has every single time since we have ever gone to the club for 2 years but she didn't know that I knew this guy and it ended up being my boyfriends bestfreind David. When David and I talked about it he told me that he didn't want to have sex with her because she was too easy so he passed her on to his uncle who's 40 and he had sex with her (she's 19). A few times I have taken her places with me and people are shocked to find out that I am her friend because so many people veiw her as a hoe. I've told her she needs to stop but she always says she knows what she's doing and she understands that the sex is just sex to the guys and expects nothing from them after it. I haven't introduced her to my man because he is her type and I'm afraid she will sleep with him. This is so sad for me to admit. How do I help her... what is going through her mind? She already has one kid that she had at age 14 and she does not have a father.

It's obvious that she has an underlying problem...what it is, we dont know...was she molested? does she have a sexual disorder? she needs help, but often people won't go for help...she has to come to the conclusion herself...

All I know is that her father left her mom when she was in 6th grade and moved back to Mexico and ever since then she has been super slutty. She so gorgeous! It hurts to see her wasting herself like this. And it's not like she's a prostiture, she expects nothing from a man for having sex with her.

People who are like won't stop unless they seek professional help and if they want to. Have you tried talking to her about getting help? Tell her what you think of her and what others think of her, but don't hurt her feelings.

Problem is she is an adult and unless she seeks help and recognises there is a problem odds are she's not going to listen. And hopefully she will before its too late.

A Hoe
http://media.urbandictionary.com/image/large/hoe-1272.jpg

Hmm an interesting thought there.

Unfortunately you can't control her actions. I had a friend like that in college and all I could do was continue to be her friend through the ups and downs of that lifestyle. Sad thing is, something will have to "happen" for her to give it up.

If you're concerned with others seeing you the same way just because you're friends, then you could start to distance yourself from her.

Ya got to leave some people behind in life as you grow up and mature... people who are self-destructive foremost.

There is no way to help people who don't want help. And, help would be recommending they see a psychiatrist so they can find out why they are destroying their precious life!

Being dropped is a good signal to a woman that she is a loser at the present time.

Best wishes, :)

If you can't accept her behaviour then leave her behind.

You can't control someone else's life, only your own.

She'll hit bottom one day, then she'll either continue what she's doing or get help. She won't do it before then, no matter how many people tell her to.

Yeah recently things have been getting hard between us. We have a hard time relating. I'm not going to lie I used to party with her a lot too but NEVER sleep around the way she does. Its likeher life consists of getting completely wasted and letting men take advantage of her. I'll feel so bad if I stop speaking to her. I feel like her only quidance and I really shouldn't be her only guidance... I'm not that great of an example myself. I know she won't get professional help. I suggested a Sex addicts anonymous class once and she said "yeah maybe I'll go and meet somebody new..." She sees nothing wrong with what she does... from time to time she even calls me a hater when I complain about all the guys hounding after her only because they know she is a hoe.

Maybe it is time for me to move on. I can't even trust her anymore and that's what a freindship is based on. Its just so hard because she is like my sister and she used to be a huge part of my life, but I have out grown her and she is is starting to jepordize my reputation.

I have even spoke to her mother about this and all she says is "sara does what she wants... no one controls her." and I told her mom about it when we were 16! I just hate the thought of leaving her behind to destroy her life... I won't feel like a real friend if I do.

Problem is that's exactly what you have to do or its going to adversly effect your health and your life too.

Many of us have had to walk away from friends in situation similar to this... or sometimes its drugs, or alcohol abuse. Sometimes you just have to turn and walk away.

She hasn't learned from her mistakes, she doesn't want help, and doesn't think she has been doing anything wrong. You can't make her who you want her to be.

I'm sure it's hard seeing someone ruining their life; but if they don't want to change they wont- there is nothing you can do.

So you have to either accept her.. or let her go. That's your decision to make. I have a friend who is easy to. I barely talk to her anymore because we don't have anything in common. I still get an occasional text from her. And will only meet up with her during the day so I don't have to party with her.

Good luck

MOVE ON!! You hanging around her all the time is going to make you look bad too! She obviously has no respect for herself therefore she's not respecting you by doing these things with you around

I have even spoke to her mother about this and all she says is "sara does what she wants... no one controls her." and I told her mom about it when we were 16! I just hate the thought of leaving her behind to destroy her life... I won't feel like a real friend if I do.


She is a sex addict (for whatever reason, although I sense it is all about previous sexual abuse-due to personal knowledge of victims who react the same way) "It's just sex", "I'm not hurting anyone"(actually they are, themselves, their family and their friends), "I am in control", "I do what I want" etc. etc. it is EXACTLY the same script-every time!

You are going to end up hurt if you continue to associate with this person.

She needs help-Perhaps a serious attitude adjustment.

Cheers.

she is a sex addict (for whatever reason, although I sense it is all about previous sexual abuse-due to personal knowledge of victims who react the exact same way) "It's just sex", "I'm not hurting anyone"(actually they are, themselves, their family and their friends), "I am in control", "I do what I want" etc. etc. it is EXACTLY the same script-every time!

You are going to end up hurt if you continue to associate with this person.

she needs help-Perhaps a serious attitude adjustment.

cheers.

I agree! I was sexually abused as a child, because of that I did become extremely promiscuous from the age of 14 on. I didn't care about myself, my body, it was already "used goods" why not just give myself to every guy that came along, better to give then have it taken from you.

It took a long time for me to get it out of my system, and a good guy that made me see that I was worth so much more then that. Trust me, when I first met my husband I tried repeatedly to push him away, he treated me nice, he cared about me, not just sex, I didn't deserve someone like him, or so I thought. He wouldn't be pushed away, kept coming back and finally I let him in. We've been together 19 years now, married for 14.

No one can change this for her until she wants it to change. The more you push, the more she'll back away. I wish it was different, but it isn't.

Also calling her a "hoe" is very immature name calling.. and when people see you with her they are going to think the same thing about you. You are not being a bad friend you already tried to help her.. One day she will realize but that is up to her... If you're her friend and you want to stay her friend don't call her names.. why not worry about the diseases she could be catching that are life threatening... Maybe she never had an adult talk to her about sex when she was younger. If I was in your situation I would bring that up and try to get her some sex ed materials about STDS or something if that doesn't wake her up I don't know what will...

Realize that people judge you by the company you keep, so GNL685 is right.


I haven't introduced her to my man because he is her type and I'm afraid she will sleep with him.

So you can't trust either of them?

Sustaining friendships is easy until you reach a certain stage in life. For me, that stage began half-way through college. I decided I just can't be around certain people anymore and so I avoided and ended friendships because their direction in life doesn't mesh with mine, and it sounds like this is the case with you and your friend.

Value your time and meet new people.

I had the same problem when me and my [now ex] best friend were around 12, 13. She lost her virginity when she was 12 to some 19 year old. I was really devastated. She's just like how you explained your friend, she so beautiful and very smart and talented. She actually stole my first boyfriend when I was 14 and gave him oral, as far as I know that was the ONLY thing they did. I talk to people I didn't even know she knew and they're like "Oh that girl? She sucks a good ." I'm like are you kidding me! But Thank god she's in a good relationship now. She has been for 2 years now. But I understand that it's upsetting. :/ All I can really say is I hope she realizes it's wrong before she has another baby or gets an STD. Plus it's not safe to get picked up at bars, you could get kidnapped, raped or worse.

It's not that I don't trust my man its just the fact I don't want to put him in situations that could end up possibly making him do wrong... I've seen my friend in action when she want a man, she is very aggressive and un relentless to the point things can get ugly and the guy starts the name calling and such to get her to back off. I don't want that to happen between them and I don't want anything else that will make him look bad happen either.

Also sorry to say but in this day and age girls my age have no issues with the feminine name calling, such as bi**h, hoe, slut, etc etc for some reason it has slipped my mind that those words are associated with disrespect and many if not all the girls I know my age feel the same way. I know its not "right" but it is the truth. I believe also the environment and school I grew up in have affected the way I use these words. But I am an older now and I am changing my ways.

So yeah I know it was not right to call her a hoe. She's just really promiscuious. But we are talking about a girl who calls herself a hoe from time to time.

I've decided to have a talk with her this weekend about her behaviour... a really serious one with none to very minimal name calling. I just feel like she needs to hear the negative veiw I have of her and other people have of her that's why I feel a little name calling is necessary. I'm still pondering what exactly to say and if I should include anyone else in this conversation like a close friend or relative of her's kind of like an intervention... but so far everyone I know she associates with and is close to is out of control themselves.

A young girl learns her self worth from her father.
Not having a male role model in her life is probably an underlying cause.

She needs to be encouraged to find something else that she can do well to get a man,besides lie down.She must have some other redeeming qualities that would make a guy take notice of her.

She has no self -esteem and her saying that she knows it is just sex,is a façade to help her hide from the fact that she really does want someone to think of her as special.

I had a friend who was the same way and I told her countless times that she was too good and too much of a beautiful person to degrade herself like that.She only stopped when she was raped.

Many times when a girl is abused at a young age ,the trauma makes them promiscuous.

I don't think any woman really wants to be a whore.She must be at the point now where she is feeling totally worthless about herself.

I think if you drop her as a friend ,she will only get worse.Just one more person who only loves her conditionally.

You might tell her about your concern of letting her meet your BF.Maybe that will be a wake up call.You might also tell her you are thinking of ending the friendship.Real big wake up call.

Your friend is set out to destroy herself, she doesn't value herself as a person and is relating male attention to love. This is not something you are going to fix and this isn't anything she is going to fix until she sees the problem.

It is difficult to see a friend in this condition, but an overwhelming feeling that you will not even introduce her to your boyfriend, because you know that she doesn't have any scruples when it comes to who she spreads her legs for. It shows how you believe that she would value your friendship.

I think it is time to discuss the problem with her and be willing to walk away. When someone is out to self destruct there isn't anything you can do to help them avoid it, if they aren't willing to accept your help. It is painful, but you have to be willing to walk away.

Al-anon is wonderful support for people who love/care about an addict. It helps you learn that their behaviors are not your responsibility and that you will not change them. You may find that attending the group meeting is beneficial as your friends behaviors aren't any less dangerous than an addicts.

chrissymarie (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/chrissymarie.html) agrees: i think dropping her as my friend (almost like sister) would be cruel and not help her situation at all.

Actually... it won't hurt it either. Putting up with her behaviour makes you one of her "enablers".

Plus its going to do bad things for YOUR rep, and health from worrying about something she herself doesn't care about.

Many of us have been in this situation, thought they could help someone who didn't want help, wasted a lot of time and worry only to watch them self destruct in the end just the same.

I must disagree with those that suggest this girl's "rep" is a valid reason for distancing herself from a "friend" that clearly needs help.

I think it important for people to focus on what is right rather than focusing on what other people think. So long as you know the truth about yourself than let others think what they wish. I do not think you alone can lead this girl away from her behaviour, doing everything you can is the right thing to do.

This situation is just the same as drug addiction or alcoholism, just a different vice. As some mentioned before, intervention with family or encouragement to seek help is something you can suggest for your friend, at least lead them to water.

You seem like a caring friend, your both young and it is difficult to have todeal with issues like this at such an age. I only urge you to do what you feel is right, consider your friends situation and not so much what others may view you as.

THere is the old addage that's ALWAYS held true. You are known by the company you keep. Hang out with gang members, drug dealers or people otherwise involved in some illegal or immoral activities and you WILL be associated with them. And treated like one as well.

The girls reputation isn't a valid reason for distancing herself, but her self destructive nature is. It is a deep seeded problem that the friend has to face and she isn't making that attempt yet.

I have a friend that sleeps around but I would never drop her as a friend because she never did anything to me personally. Actually she is always there when I need her no matter what time of the day it is.

People do sometime judge you by the company you keep but who cares. People will always find something to talk about you regardless. As long as you know what your doing and not doing there is no need to drop her as a friend. What she do in her personal life is her choice and the same goes for what you do in yours.

Maybe one day she would wake up and want to change but the change have to come from within. And believe me one day she is going realize the road she is heading down isn't a good one and hopefully realize that her body is her temple until than no matter what you or anyone else say to her the words will ge going in one ear and out the other.

There's also another well known saying that states "I am my brother's keeper".

There's also another well known saying that states "I am my brother's keeper".
They aren't related or family... big difference on that one. If they were I would view it differently. You are obligated to help family... but there are definite limits to how far you should go to help a friend that doesn't want help.

THere is the old addage thats ALWAYS held true. You are known by the company you keep. Hang out with gang members, drug dealers or people otherwise involved in some illegal or immoral activities and you WILL be associated with them. And treated like one as well.

I understand the concept of your known by the company you keep but in this instance I disagree.

I had a friend who was very promiscuous and I used to have people question why I hung out with her. That has never been my style.

The answer is she wasn't just a whore.She was a person who was confused and needy and she had reasons for her behavior.
As her friend I understood that.

The last thing she needed was someone to show her that she was unworthy of friendship and love.That is part of the problem.

And you could force her to change her ways exactly how? And stressing over this helped exactly how? And the negative personal remnification to your own life and health did what good?

I'm saying this as a 47 year old guy who has seen numerous people self destruct who would NOT listen to others and did what the wanted, when they wanted it and in fact threatened ME for interfearing with THEIR life and free choice.

A question is how old are you?

A younger person may think it's a nobile thing to interfere with others freedom of choice while an older person realises you can't force someone to do your will and realises lifes too short to riun it worrying about someone who is doing exaactly what they want to do. And has been through this more than once.

Fact is I have known someone do even worse than she did in recent years... and yes I tried to reason with her and all I got was grief for my efforts.

Sometimes you have to walk away... and for someone who is not immediate family... this is one of those times.

And you could force her to change her ways exactly how? and stressing over this helped exactly how? And the negative personal remnification to your own life and health did what good?

I'm saying this as a 47 year old guy who has seen numerous people self destruct who would NOT listen to others and did what the wanted, when they wanted it and in fact threatened ME for interfearing with THEIR life and free choice.

A question is how old are you?

A younger person may think its a nobile thing to interfere with others freedom of choice while an older person realises you can't force someone to do your will and realises lifes too short to riun it worrying about someone who is doing exaactly what they want to do. And has been through this more than once.

Fact is I have known someone do even worse than she did in recent years....and yes I tried to reason with her and all I got was grief for my efforts.

Sometimes you have to walk away....and for someone who is not immediate family....this is one of those times.

I am 54 yr.young so no kid here!

I did not enable her nor did I interfere in her life.I simply pointed out to her repeatedly that she had more value than just being a depository for sperm.

You don't quit your friends unless you are directly affected in a negative way by their behavior.I was sad for this girl but I didn't lose sleep over it.

I think the problem comes from a lack of self worth and by dropping the friendship,you are just clarifying her negative feelings about herself.

Just my take on it :)

Its very hard to just "accept" things that we can not change. You care about this girl enough to point out the harmful things that she is doing to herself. I agree with those who are saying not to turn your back on her. I do however think what you should do is let her know that you can no longer partake in the activities that cause her to do this to herself. For example, no more going to the bars with her, or parties etc. Let her know that it's too difficult for you to stand there and watch her do this to herself so from here on out you will have to hang out and do other things. Have lunch together, go to the mall, watch movies etc. And if while you are doing these things if she starts up with the behavior such as hitting on some strange guy, getting a phone number etc, I would walk right up to her and say "I am leaving!" and walk away and leave! A few times of this happening and she will realize that you mean business and do not approve of this behavior anymore. If your friendship means enough to her she will comply. You are not going to be able to stop what she does when you are not around, but you can certainly control what you will allow yourself to be a part of.

Smoothy, the phrase "I am my brother's keeper" is not intended to mean family only. It is to be taken into context that your fellow man is your brother. We as human beings have an obligation to help out someone in need, although some may not agree.

I would also argue that the older one is the more they would persist in having someone seek help as opposed to a younger person who may think it none of their business.

I would point out that the OP mentioned her relationship with her friend as that of sisters, she also asked what help she could provide. I agree that you cannot force someone to change, that responsibility lies with the person and that person alone. However, if the OP has exhausted all the avenues that may lead her friend to some type of treatment, than I too would believe she could do no more. I don't think that is the case just yet.

I am 54 yr.young so no kid here!

I did not enable her nor did I interfere in her life.I simply pointed out to her repeatedly that she had more value than just being a depository for sperm.

You don't quit your friends unless you are directly affected in a negative way by their behavior.I was sad for this girl but I didn't lose sleep over it.

I think the problem comes from a lack of self worth and by dropping the friendship,you are just clarifying her negative feelings about herself.

Just my take on it :)

OK you have the experience under your belt rather than just the enthusiasm of youth.

So at what point do you consider the negative effects on your own health more important than worrying about a person that see's absolutely nothing wrong with their choices in life?

Personally there is most definitely a point where I refuse to continue trying to make an adult that see's nothing wrong with their actions ( and that includes drug and alcohol abuse).

Adults are personally responsible for the choices them make and the paths they chose to follow.

Take this a step further (just a random example that popped into my mind)... when Jehovah Witnesses come to your door, do you invite them in and entertain them, and openly accept their interpretation of how you should see life? Or do you pretend you aren't home? And who is really right and wrong in this situation and why?

I think this thread is getting way out of hand.

Chrissy, you've two options--
Continue being her friend and accept her ways or drop her as friend. Personally I wouldn't drop her as a friend but it's your call.

If you continue being her friend know that you can't change her promiscuous ways. You can't make her change. I bet she accepts all your short commings as well! Being her friend won't effect your life nor your health in anyway. You live your life and let her live hers.

Don't worry about what other people are saying in your town( about you or her) because people talk regardless. Life is too short so live your life.

OK you have the experience under your belt rather than just the enthusiasm of youth.

So at what point do you consider the negative effects on your own health more important than worrying about a person that see's absolutely nothing wrong with their choices in life?

Personally there is most definately a point where I refuse to continue trying to make an adult that see's nothing wrong with their actions ( and that includes drug and alcohol abuse).

Adults are personally responsible for the choices them make and the paths they chose to follow.

Take this a step further (just a random example that popped into my mind)....when Jehovah Witnesses come to your door, do you invite them in and entertain them, and openly accept their interpretation of how you should see life? Or do you pretend you aren't home? And who is really right and wrong in this situation and why?

I am one of a rare breed that lets them in.Not because they are going to change my view,per se but because I love a spirited debate.

When it comes to someone abusing drugs,I think I would take that on a case by case basis but generally speaking ,I don't like to be around people who are wasted,so I would most likely distance myself from them.

I try to look at every situation as an opportunity to be a better person.More giving of self and having less judgment and more compassion. Sometimes that involves stepping out of my comfort zone and tolerating some things I may not like.

I would not do this forever but I really don't like to quit on people.People in trouble need more help.Its a fine line between help and enabling.

Different strokes for different folks :rolleyes:

Hello -

I have read most of the posts on here and I think that this decision has to be made by you, whether to continue to be her friend.

From what I read - the very first post, its pretty obvious that she has some issues she carries around inside of her that need to be resolved. When I got to the part about her father - then, it became more clearer. What Ive learned in life is that a lot of our childhood make up our adulthood. We carry baggage, or traumas, and we do act out, not really knowingly in our adulthood. Its like walking through an airport - you drag your luggage until you get to your destination and drop it off and you're free of the baggage. Same thing with life - people carry baggage with them until they are ready to face it and get rid of it - one of the best things Ive heard is 'tears are a form of healing.' When we face our issues we carry inside, it then gets uprooted from within and that's the letting go part.

You said she is beautiful - which Im not disputing that, however, in your eyes, that's what you see. Im sure that when she looks in the mirror, she does not see that. She could have some serious self esteem issues and this is her way of feeling 'loved' or 'accepted' so to speak. I do think that it could be some trauma from her father not being around - this is her way of acting out. She, obviously, doesn't see it as that - as you stated - she says its 'just sex.' Sometimes people go into denial because they don't really understand, nor do they want to understand what the isses really are. To her - perhaps by her father leaving - she could be blaming herself and this is her way of punishing herself - to a degree - she doesn't see it as that, but, it is self destructive behavior - so in essence its self punishment.

Now, as far as you remaining her friend, again, that is solely your decision that has to be made by you. You have to realize that, no matter how hard we try, we can't change nobody. I have been around this mountain - and while you want to TRY to change people -or, as we see it a lot of the times, help people - they are going to do as they please no matter what you say or do. Sometimes, however, eventually, they will come around.

I have a best friend with whom I been friends with for almost 20 years now. We did some very heavy partying together back in the day. I had since grown out of that - however, he still continued on - for many years, I have debated - should I move on or stay. His family is in another state and he really has no one else in his life and has had a very traumatic past himself. I debated this with myself for quite some time and decided that if I would have stopped being friends with him - he would have went further downhill - but, I stuck by him because he had no one else and I continued to pray for him. I tried everything I could to get him to stop - which is when I realized you can't change no one - I have also learned that those who are closest to you are the ones who will NOT listen to anything you have to say either. It generally takes someone outside of their circle to get a message across to them. It wasn't until I backed off the whole 'trying to change him' and started to just pray for him. We see it as trying to 'help' but, they see it as us 'controlling' them. I will say that it wasn't a very easy walk, however, over time, he has changed drastically. He does not drink nearlty half as much as he used to - hardly ever goes out anymore. He pretty much drinks one day a week, on his day off - or he might have a few beers here and there, but, nothing like he used to. I am now glad that I did stick by him because he tells people if it wasn't for me sticking by him, he might not be here today - or he would still be a drunk. One of the scriptures I focused on is 'a friend sticks closer than a brother.' Now, Im speaking from MY point of view and what worked for me - Im definitely not preaching to you or anyone - this is just MY belief. I do believe in the power of prayer - just from this experience - you can still be friends with someone even if you don't agree with their lifestyle. We have to realize that we aren't perfect either - it might not be to that extreme, but, we all have faults that maybe someone else doesn't like. IF you really care about her and her well being - perhaps you should just be there for her. Just be her friend - don't try to, as they see it, 'control' them. The more you tell people not to do something, the more they tend to run out and do it. People have to have their own wake up calls in life before their eyes are opened.

I hope that this helps and that it makes sense. I know its a lot and I typed quickly because Im on my way out but wanted to comment on this. Hope you make the right decision.

People in trouble need more help.Its a fine line between help and enabling.

Unless your talking about homework, there isn't a fine line at all; it's clear, black-and-white. Enablers allow themselves to be manipulated. Those in trouble won't respect someone as weak as they are.

After I reread your post I must ask "what did her parents do to change her slutty ways when she was young?" You stated she had a baby at 14 so they knew she was having sex? If they didn't do nothing back then why are they complaining now?

Also, did she not have a father in her life or her baby doesn't?

I don't think it really matters because many people I know grew up fatherless and have a productive lifestyle. Their mother was all they needed and usually their mother was a strong person that stirred them in the right direction with a iron fist.

Different strokes for different folks :rolleyes:

Couldn't give you good rep again yet artlady but I agree.
Not everyone here is going to have the same opinion and while some questions on here have a black and white answer, many don't.
People give their opinions or suggestions for the OP to read and give them a better understanding of the situation so they can choose which answer best applies to them.

I'll agree different strokes for different folks... but stress and its consequences are very real. High Blood pressure, ulcers etc... are not trivial and not something that a person should self impose because of a third party that is intent on ruining their own lives. Which as adults they are legally entitled to do.


You might escape it for a while... but it always catches up with you eventually.

After I reread your post I must ask "what did her parents do to change her slutty ways when she was young?" You stated she had a baby at 14 so they knew she was having sex? If they didn't do nothing back then why are they complaining now?

Also, did she not have a father in her life or her baby doesn't?

I don't think it really matters because many people I know grew up fatherless and have a productive lifestyle. Their mother was all they needed and usually their mother was a strong person that stirred them in the right direction with a iron fist.

Well she doesn't have parents, she has a mom. Her mom is just like Sara but a little less promiscious. They both live wild, dangerous, and destructive lifes. Her mom is always in the bars drinking or working at her boutique or on a date or at the gym. Sara has pretty much been on her own since her dad left. Her mom just thinks it's not her responsibility to control sara and her behaviour and never has. I guess she lacks that mom gene. She doesn't have a father of her own but her child does, the father has full custody of her child although it hasn't been forced to be that way in a court or anything it just is. At 13 sara's mom let saras 18 year old boyfriend live with them and during that he got her pregnant and of course they broke up soon after that. I never understood why her mom let the guy live with them but back then I used to think it was cool of her. Now I see that it was a huge mistake. Her mother is not complaining. I feel I have just come to my last nerve. After hearing the story about how my bf's friends passed her around like trash (and this isn't the first story I've heard like that) I just feel like if there was ever a time to intervene now is the best. Especially because she's found a new group of girls who encourage her behaviour.

I guess I was just trying to find a way to get her help but she just has to want help herself. Because she thinks there is nothing wrong with the way she is and will not admit there is for anything in the world. She called me hammered last night (wednesday night) and told me where she was going to stay the night in case anything happened. This has been a routine for about a year. I was mad so I told her I don't care where she's staying she should be at home with her legs closed taking care of her son. She just hung up on me. She hasn't called nor text me back. She just doesn't want help. I'm just going to back off and let her self destruct. Its my only choice. I don't control Sara nor influence her.

Also sorry to say but in this day and age girls my age have no issues with the feminine name calling, such as bi**h, hoe, slut, etc etc.

Sorry to say but I'm probably not much older than you and there is an issue with that. Its immature to say the least. And makes you look ignorant when your using those words.

Sorry to say but I'm probably not much older than you and there is an issue with that. Its immature to say the least. And makes you look ignorant when your using those words.

Well I'm 20 and a stripper who grew up in the hood but moved to the upper class suburbs at age 16. Yes these words are common in my life. That is why I am in the habit of using them so freely. But I have already acknowledged that it is wrong to say those words. I am trying to fix all my bad habits one day at a time.

Your friend didn't grow up in a structure environment. Her life was base on what she saw her mother do. Her mom wasn't a mom at all and allow her to have sex at such a young age even allowed her adult boyfriend to move in while she was very young. Who knows what else happen?

If any other family members were aware at what was going on they should've stepped in and remove her from this house. They could have done so because the mom was unfit in so many ways.

Your friend might need counselling but she has to want it and if you can't trust your friend then yes you shouldn't be her friend.

Yea I understand where your coming from. I'm 23 and I grew up in a horrible place where there are murders ever day and in the past year 6 people I grew up with went to jail for murder.. 2 are there for life with no parole and the other 4 are still waiting for trial. Not to mention the people who were killed. There's a lot of gang activity and I'm scared to be close with ANYONE for fear they will be killed or kill. If that isn't the "hood" I don't know what is. And that's only this past year. But I'm still intelligent and don't use those words. Every girl I know uses them and uugh its just gross. Even though it's all around you you can prove yourself to be above peoples level who talk that way. I mean mostly it's just immature girls rite. That need to call people names to make them feel better about themselves.Anyways I know a lot of girls like that around here. And it's the girls that call people those names that are that way themselves. They take the things they do and put it on someone else so they look betetr? You know what I mean? I'm not saying your doing that at all but I'm just saying it can make you look bad when you're really not. And just by living in this city a lot of people associate t he girls who live here that way. But I choose not to let it bug me. Well about your situation with your friend. I have a friend who I grew up with and she started being promiscuous and doing drugs. When people saw me with her they automatically assumed the same thing about me. But through all these years every time I need someone she's been the only one there for me even when we fight. We fight for like 5 minutes and it's done. I can always go to her. I think you should have some sort of intervention with her and tell her that you care about her and her behavior is making you worried for her life. Don't be mean to her and call her names. She's probably already used to that.

yea I understand where your coming from. I'm 23 and I grew up in a horrible place where there are murders ever day and in the past year 6 people i grew up with went to jail for murder.. 2 are there for life with no parole and the other 4 are still waiting for trial. Not to mention the people who were killed. There's a lot of gang activity and I'm scared to be close with ANYONE for fear they will be killed or kill. If that isn't the "hood" I don't know what is. And that's only this past year. But I'm still intelligent and don't use those words. Every girl i know uses them and uugh its just gross.

well said.

Ever heard of the saying "Birds of a feather, flock together"?

or,

Talk like a slut=is a slut,

Generally speaking, people associate how you speak to how you are perceived to be.