I feel ridiculous being in this siutation. Embarrassed to ask my familys advice, I am posting online to get the opinions of strangers...

I cannot sit back and "ignore" the signs any longer to save my family. I want to know if you think I am paranoid or possibly right...
My husband of 7 years has always looked up porn online. I have expressed that I do not like it. It makes me feel like he would rather be with someone else. He has since become better at hiding the evidence online and every so often I find some in the history.. I know-I have resorted to snooping on my husband...

Anyway about 8 months ago, while snooping, I found a file for Adult friend finder and youporn in the history. The first is self explanatory, the second is where the web finds local people with whom you can have live pron with via webcam.. disturbing. While I was 7 months pregnant, I freaked out and confronted him.. I told him that porn was one thing-this was a whole diff level.. Of course he denied the Adult Friend Finder-stating-he didn't know how it was on our computer, but did admit to youporn. Again, for the sake of my family, I think I didn't talk about it much anymore... but for me it has always been the elephant in the room.
Next - about 3-4 months after that incident, his ex girlfriend( from before we were together) called the house. We were not home- she didn't leave a message. He said he hadn't seen her in forever and didn't know why she was calling. Again, left it alone, another elephant.

About once a week he wakes up early in the morning (while I am still sleeping) and goes downstairs. Then gets into the shower. I know he is looking at porn.
He never tells me I look nice even after I has obviously made an effort. He is not affectionate toward me and we rarely have sex. But if he is making the effort to look up porn and get into the shower to finish his fanatasy... where do I fit into this relationship.
My concern is that he is more interested in looking up the porn and at some point that won't be enough and he will move to the next level of meeting someone ( if it hasn't already happened) I think it is more then porn. I know he enjoys watching women pleasure themselves, so at some point I am afraid it will go further then just watching it online. I think I have done a lot in the fantasy part. I have made a video ( awhile ago), watched porn together, made a calendar with different lingerie every month, put sexual pictures of myself in his suitcase when he goes away, have phone sex... I just think he is getting bored. What more can I do... or should I stop. PLEASE HELP

I think you know the answer to your question; however, you might give joint counseling a try, if he is willing, before throwing in the towel.

Have you considered that he has an addiction to porn?

There is a lot of good information online about porn addiction you might want to check out.

Like any addiction, it takes time before the signs become evident, but with what you have described I would check it out.

Malehealth : PORNOGRAPHY: What are the warning signs of porn addiction? (http://www.malehealth.co.uk/userpage1.cfm?item_id=2360)

I think your concerns are valid, you are not over reacting, and these elephants are not imaginary in my opinion.

Have you considered that he has an addiction to porn?

There is a lot of good information online about porn addiction you might want to check out.

Like any addiction, it takes time before the signs become evident, but with what you have described I would check it out.

Malehealth : PORNOGRAPHY: What are the warning signs of porn addiction? (http://www.malehealth.co.uk/userpage1.cfm?item_id=2360)

I think your concerns are valid, you are not over reacting, and these elephants are not imaginary in my opinion.

This is what I was going to say! CBT is great for this kind of addiction... If he doesn't want to get help there is nothing you can do about it.. You have to decide what you want in YOUR life. YOU are just as important!

Best of luck!

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a very practical, step by step plan to change a behaviour. The beauty of it is it is directed by the person wishing to change, and puts the power to change in his/her hands.

But, it cannot be successful without a person who accepts that he has a problem, and has gone from thinking about changing it, to actually taking the steps to do it.

Porn addiction? Are you serious, I thought I read above this was once a week...

Most normal straight guys watch porn even if they are married and it usually doesn't mean they are going to cheat and once a week is really infrequently. Or maybe your only catching him once a week... who knows.

Now... if one of the websites he goes to connects him directly with other women to have sexual chats or webcam conversations this is a different level. I would be more worried about the adult friend finder than if he has a porn addiction...

I think if it were once a week, she wouldn't be worried.

From her original post, it's been ongoing for over 7 years now, and has escalated to include finding people to have webcam porn with.

Porn addiction? Are you serious, i thought i read above this was once a week...

Most normal straight guys watch porn even if they are married and it usually doesnt mean they are going to cheat and once a week is really infrequently. Or maybe your only catching him once a week... who knows.

Now... if one of the websites he goes to connects him directly with other women to have sexual chats or webcam conversations this is a different level. I would be more worried about the adult friend finder than if he has a porn addiction....

If it's not an addiction then why does her husband feel he has to hide/deny it? That's what indicates a problem here in my opinion.

If it's not an addiction then why does her husband feel he has to hide/deny it? that's what indicates a problem here in my opinion.

He has to hide it, because he knows it bothers OP and OP gets upset with him.

It's hide it or fight.

He has to hide it, because he knows it bothers OP and OP gets upset with him.

It's hide it or fight.

I know what you're saying, but at the same time the OP already knows he looks at porn so to me, to hide it as much as he does seems odd.

I told him that porn was one thing-this was a whole diff level.. Of course he denied the Adult Friend Finder-stating-he didn't know how it was on our computer, but did admit to youporn.

He has crossed a line here putting what's usually harmless fun to BAD BEHAVIOR. That's not the worst part, the lying is.

This is where you stand your ground, and don't let his bad behavior continue with your silence about it, nor the lying.

You tell him point blank, to take his lying a$$ and computer and sleep in his car.

I also have a husband who had a porn addiction. He did it from 1996-2003. In fact I came home one day on my lunch hour and caught him. I walked in and my then 4 month old son was laying on the floor near the desk, still in his night time diaper and my husband was doing his porn thing. To this day all I have pictured in my head was my baby laying there on the floor crying so hard while he chose to jerk off. For this reason I have lost oodles and oodles of love for that man. Instantly it all shut down for me and I have tried to get it back and it never comes back. I personally think if he doesn't want to own up to it and stop doing it then be done with him. How can a woman measure up to those standards? That's how it made me feel. To this day also I don't enjoy sex. In fact I prefer he don't even touch me and avoid it when I can. I put an administrator password on my computer. There is no way around it. To this day I do not allow him to touch the computer. If he does and I am in another room I just pace and pace waiting for him to get off.