Ryan3229
Mar 22, 2009, 07:48 PM
I’ve gotten myself into a little bit of a situation (unintentionally, I can assure you) and maybe some of the members here can help me out a little bit. In the past, I’ve found this to be an excellent website to talk through issues. Anyway, here goes:
I’ve known my best friend Kyle for about 4 years (we were college friends at Oklahoma State University). We were always close, but never really would hang out regularly until about a year ago. He has been with his current girlfriend Stephanie for pretty close to 3 years. They had a little bit of a rough start, but it seems now they are very close and love each other very much. They have lived with each other for about 2 years.
As is the case with all couples, they have a few issues as well. Because Kyle is my best friend and Stephanie has become a close friend as well, I am (unfortunately?) privy to these issues. Essentially, Stephanie thinks Kyle is relatively jealous and as a result, doesn’t want her going out as often as she’d like. He would typically prefer to stay in every night and spend time with her in the comfort of their own living room. This very well could have to do with the fact that he almost feels like he isn’t worthy of being with her and “lucked” into finding her. Kyle on the other hand dislikes the fact that Stephanie is very needy and somewhat moody. He feels like he always has to take care of her and thinks she always has to have things her way and is very picky in general. From time to time, they will get angry at each other for some entirely minor issue and each throw little temper tantrums. Regardless of these issues, they clearly love each other.
This is where I (a single male by the way) enter the situation. I should start by stating that nothing has every happened between Stephanie and myself. I have and always will respect their relationship no matter what happens. Anyway, for the first 2 years they dated, I hung out with both Kyle and Stephanie together on maybe 4 occasions and didn’t think anything of it. She was a fun girl, but that was that. It wasn’t until about a year ago that we all started to regularly hang out (nearly every weekend, at least 1 day if not both). At some point that I can’t pinpoint exactly, I began developing a crush on Stephanie. She is a beautiful, sweet, extremely fun girl that anyone would love to date. I didn’t really think anything of this at first, but was jealous of my friend needless to say. As far as I knew, it was nothing and she didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t until maybe 6 months ago that I started noticing that maybe she had some sort of feelings as well. She always considered me to be a fun guy and loves the fact that I’m always coming up with ideas for activities we can all do as opposed to staying in. There have been many occasions that Kyle, Stephanie, and I all hung out and drank a few beers, Kyle goes to bed early, and Stephanie and I stay up for multiple more hours hanging out, watching TV, and talking. Sometimes she has one of her friends over as well. I will usually end up spending the night and sleeping on the couch while her friend usually leaves. When this happens, Stephanie typically wants me to tell Kyle that Stephanie’s friend left right before we went to bed (even though usually they leave multiple hours before) and that we went to bed earlier than we really did. She also will randomly text me very late at night from time to time and say things such as “I just wanted to talk to someone and everyone else is probably sleeping”. There have also been numerous occasions where Stephanie has randomly kissed me on the hand or on the cheek and told me she loves me (I assume she meant as a friend, and that is how I took it – and she is usually somewhat inebriated when this happens). None the less, I found this to be quite strange. She has not done this for a few months though – in fact, she seems to be much less physical with me than she used to be and definitely less so than with her other friends (as in she doesn’t really hug me anymore – its almost like she is forcing herself not to despite the fact that she hugs virtually everyone when she says hello or goodbye).
Really, I guess my question is what am I supposed to do? Very recently, we signed a lease to live with each other in an apartment in Oklahoma City (right now we live about 20 miles apart). We are moving in mid-April. I would never, ever betray my friend even if Stephanie came on to me. My own view is that perhaps Kyle noticed Stephanie starting to become close with me and feels jealous about it and maybe said something. As a result, she almost feels like she has to sneak hanging out with me.
I am about to live with them for a year, so I don’t think I can say anything to them about it. I love them both as friends. I don’t love Stephanie in a relationship sense, but definitely have a crush that I can’t get away from. I am constantly thinking about her and it needs to stop. I just really need to figure out what I need to do to make these feelings go away. I don’t want to fall for her anymore than I already have. Anyone have any ideas?
Thank you in advance for reading the novel above…
I’ve known my best friend Kyle for about 4 years (we were college friends at Oklahoma State University). We were always close, but never really would hang out regularly until about a year ago. He has been with his current girlfriend Stephanie for pretty close to 3 years. They had a little bit of a rough start, but it seems now they are very close and love each other very much. They have lived with each other for about 2 years.
As is the case with all couples, they have a few issues as well. Because Kyle is my best friend and Stephanie has become a close friend as well, I am (unfortunately?) privy to these issues. Essentially, Stephanie thinks Kyle is relatively jealous and as a result, doesn’t want her going out as often as she’d like. He would typically prefer to stay in every night and spend time with her in the comfort of their own living room. This very well could have to do with the fact that he almost feels like he isn’t worthy of being with her and “lucked” into finding her. Kyle on the other hand dislikes the fact that Stephanie is very needy and somewhat moody. He feels like he always has to take care of her and thinks she always has to have things her way and is very picky in general. From time to time, they will get angry at each other for some entirely minor issue and each throw little temper tantrums. Regardless of these issues, they clearly love each other.
This is where I (a single male by the way) enter the situation. I should start by stating that nothing has every happened between Stephanie and myself. I have and always will respect their relationship no matter what happens. Anyway, for the first 2 years they dated, I hung out with both Kyle and Stephanie together on maybe 4 occasions and didn’t think anything of it. She was a fun girl, but that was that. It wasn’t until about a year ago that we all started to regularly hang out (nearly every weekend, at least 1 day if not both). At some point that I can’t pinpoint exactly, I began developing a crush on Stephanie. She is a beautiful, sweet, extremely fun girl that anyone would love to date. I didn’t really think anything of this at first, but was jealous of my friend needless to say. As far as I knew, it was nothing and she didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t until maybe 6 months ago that I started noticing that maybe she had some sort of feelings as well. She always considered me to be a fun guy and loves the fact that I’m always coming up with ideas for activities we can all do as opposed to staying in. There have been many occasions that Kyle, Stephanie, and I all hung out and drank a few beers, Kyle goes to bed early, and Stephanie and I stay up for multiple more hours hanging out, watching TV, and talking. Sometimes she has one of her friends over as well. I will usually end up spending the night and sleeping on the couch while her friend usually leaves. When this happens, Stephanie typically wants me to tell Kyle that Stephanie’s friend left right before we went to bed (even though usually they leave multiple hours before) and that we went to bed earlier than we really did. She also will randomly text me very late at night from time to time and say things such as “I just wanted to talk to someone and everyone else is probably sleeping”. There have also been numerous occasions where Stephanie has randomly kissed me on the hand or on the cheek and told me she loves me (I assume she meant as a friend, and that is how I took it – and she is usually somewhat inebriated when this happens). None the less, I found this to be quite strange. She has not done this for a few months though – in fact, she seems to be much less physical with me than she used to be and definitely less so than with her other friends (as in she doesn’t really hug me anymore – its almost like she is forcing herself not to despite the fact that she hugs virtually everyone when she says hello or goodbye).
Really, I guess my question is what am I supposed to do? Very recently, we signed a lease to live with each other in an apartment in Oklahoma City (right now we live about 20 miles apart). We are moving in mid-April. I would never, ever betray my friend even if Stephanie came on to me. My own view is that perhaps Kyle noticed Stephanie starting to become close with me and feels jealous about it and maybe said something. As a result, she almost feels like she has to sneak hanging out with me.
I am about to live with them for a year, so I don’t think I can say anything to them about it. I love them both as friends. I don’t love Stephanie in a relationship sense, but definitely have a crush that I can’t get away from. I am constantly thinking about her and it needs to stop. I just really need to figure out what I need to do to make these feelings go away. I don’t want to fall for her anymore than I already have. Anyone have any ideas?
Thank you in advance for reading the novel above…