I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a 1/2 and we have a six month daughter, he (may) have a baby by another female, which happened before me and him got into a relationship so he didn't cheat on me or anything and he told me right away and I was OK with it.



She told him she wasn't sure if he was the father because she had slept with more than 1 guy at the time and that they would get a test done when the baby was born, (by the way they didn't have a relationship just sexual encounters, so it wasn't anything serious, as you can tell because she was sleeping with other men)




During her whole pregnancy I took the mature route and let him keep in contact with her just in case the baby was his although she would disrespect me non stop calling me names and trying to break us up by spreading lies and rumors every time he would talk to her.



After She had the baby she would call me telling me they slept together and stuff like that every time he would visit the baby, keep in mind she didn't know who the father was.




I ended up getting pregnant and she kept the drama up and I started having complications from stress so eventually he stopped having contact with her so I could have a safe pregnancy since he knew our baby was his and she was making it almost impossible to have drama free contact with her.




We had our little girl and she's 6 months now and after a year the other female finally petitions the courts for a paternity test and child support. My boyfriend talked to her and she said she doesn't have a problem with the child being around me, so I'm assuming that she's through with the drama and she's realized that their never going to be together and that it's not about her wanting a relationship with him, it's about her daughter having a relationship with her father.




Well she called him back later and told him that she doesn't want to put him on child support and that she just wants him to help her with the baby, if she's his, so my question is: should my boyfriend just be put on child support to make things legal or should he try and work out an agreement with her, and if he does work out an agreement, can she turn around years later and act like he hasn't helped at all, if things don't go her way and get him in trouble with back child support?





P.S. I understand that if this is his child that it's between him and her not me but I'm going to be in the child's life just like my boyfriend cause we are a family and the baby would be with us not just with him, plus it would be my child's sister and on top of that he needs to be in that child's life just like my daughters so my opinion matters to him because we plan on having a life together in the future and we have a daughter also. Like I said I don't have a problem with the baby at all but the choices that he makes with going through the courts or not are going to not only effect him and the other baby but also effect me, our child, and our future and I just want him to make the best decision.

This is a legal issue not a relationship issue so I've moved it to the appropriate forum.

Your boyfriend should not do anything by mutual agreement and if he does, he needs to get it in writing and keep thorought records.

But my recommendation would be to tell her, that he is ready to step up to his responsibilities, but he wants everything formalized in court. Make sure the court orders a paternity test.

If he doesn't do this, he will be subject to her whims.

Why don't you find out if this is his child or not before you go to the next scenerio of child support? Would make more sense in the long run. Then when you find out 100% sure, come back and give us some scenerios. Right now it's premature to talk child support.

I kind of agree with the others that the first thing to do is get the genetic testing done to see if the baby is his (or as they say nowadays, if he's the "baby daddy".. love that expression :-))

If he is the dad, then you'll know he's on the hook for support, has parental rights and so on. And then your boyfriend can decide if he wants to proceed with bringing the child into his (and your life). After all, if the child is not his, that sort of ends it, doesn't it? He surely doesn't want to support someone else's kid and by the same token why develop a parental relationship with someone else's child?

Thanks soooo much you guys, your answers were just what I was looking for, I'm really just trying to get him 2 handle this the best way he can because he's never been through this kind of thing before, and you never know what kind of tricks people can try and pull later and by the way he received 2 child support recovery letters in the mail 6 days after the baby turned 1, sooo the paternity test is scheduled for July 09 and the court date is scheduled for August 09 and the 1st letter said something pertaining to " are you the father of this womans baby" and the other said something about a suit against him so I was just curious:)

This is a legal issue not a relationship issue so I've moved it to the appropriate forum.

Your bf should not do anything by mutual agreement and if he does, he needs to get it in writing and keep thorought records.

But my recommendation would be to tell her, that he is ready to step up to his responsibilities, but he wants everything formalized in court. Make sure the court orders a paternity test.

If he doesn't do this, he will be subject to her whims.




SOrry I'm new to this and I didn' t exactly know how to quote you... Thanks sooo much for your answer, it was exactly what I was looking for, and I think he will go with the child support, if he's proven to be the father cause I really don't think she's done with the childish games:)

As to those letters, she may have applied for public assistance. If so, they will require that any potential fathers be contacted, a paternity test done and then support will be assessed.

As to those letters, she may have applied for public assistance. If so, they will require that any potential fathers be contacted, a paternity test done and then support will be assessed.


YEp, That's exactly what happened, she applied for TANF, thanks