OK, now this is so embarssing and I know if he ever stumbled upon this, he'd be heartbroken, however I just can't take it anymore.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years now. He was my first and is still my only. I love him to death! But when we have sex he's just in it for himself, and by the time he's finished I'm just hornier and want it worst. Its gotten to the point where I'm so sexually frustrated it's affecting my mood daily. Like I don't know.. I just want help. I've told him a MILLION times to stimulate my and to touch me and FOREPLAY! But it seems like when he wants he (which is almost everyday) he just wants to and then play video games. And dot get me wrong there are time far and few between when he accually TRIES to pleasure me but he just doesn't.

I'm considering getting a vibrator and doing it that way.. but I'm almost like embarssed to use it. And he would be so mad if he found it. I was just wondering if anyone had suggestions for me?


Oh, and its always been this way its not just a recent change. When we first started having sex I thought that maybe it was just because I wasn't experienced enough, bt now I'm just frustrated.. so thanks ahead of time for suggestions.

And I'm sorry if this was to vulgar or explict.

Sounds to me like he is selfish and you have conditioned him to remain that way because you keep "giving it up"

You sound young and have already established a bad habit of expecting nothing.
Tell him he either needs to be less selfish with you or leave you alone. You say you love him to death, but you need to love yourself enough not to be used.

First off, there is nothing wrong with using a vibrator. It gets the job done, and since you already know how prolonged sexual frustration feels, I'm betting you have nothing to lose. Even healthy sexual relationships use toys.
Have you tried to sit down and talk to him about this? Young or not, he is being very inconsiderate and selfish. You said he'd be heartbroken, or would his ego be damaged? There's a difference. If he'd be heartbroken to find this, he wouldn't be so careless of you in bed, which, however you look at it, is a fundamental part of a relationship. Talk talk talk. Communication is key, and you no longer need to go without.
If that doesn't work, try hopping off him a couple times before he is satisfied, and see how he likes it. It may sound childish, but he might not know how it feels cause he always makes it to the end. After having that happen a few times, I'm inclined to say that he will definitely work on making you happy.
Don't let him take away your perks as the woman giving him such a great gift!

Don't be embarrassed to get a vibrator. You deserve to be pleasured as well. He reminds me of my ex- husband. He had NO idea what he was doing. I tried telling him, but he just didn't seem interested in Me. Talk to him, tell him you need more. See if he is interested at all. If not, can you live with this for the rest of your life? I hope you will make a good decision. Good luck!

Do you know how to get yourself to orgasm? If not, then I suggest you start figuring it out. That's the first step.

Second step, tell him what you like, where you want to be touched, how hard or soft, guide him.

Talk to him, tell him that you aren't satisfied, that you'd like more, then work together on it, that's what relationships are all about.

Maybe he has no idea that you aren't happy.

A vibrator is a great toy to introduce into a relationship. Don't hide it from him, tell him that you'd like to purchase one, go together, make a day of it and then use it together. This can be a major turn on for both of you and will open the lines of communication.

If you love him then it's worth it, right? Don't expect him to know how to pleasure you, you have to show him the way.

Good luck and have fun, that's what sex is all about. :)

Some guys think that if they got off the girl also gets off. So talk to him and be more blunt, tell him what and where you want.

She said she has already told him that and he doesn't care.

Communication is the key, but to allow a boy friend to practically "wham bam thank you mam" you is crazy.
You need to start having him stop in mid-stream, maybe he'll get the message then.
You have already established a patterned with him, it will be a hard on to break. I hope he's worth it.

I hope he's worth it.

Yeah, me too. It's such a burn to over-invest into a hopeless case.

Maybe its time to say NO, and tell him why. Either he do it right, or not at all.

He sounds (and if that is your picture, LOOKS like a boy-rather than a caring MAN) I think he is untrained in knowing how to make you feel nice and needs a rude awakening-HE will be worried/upset about YOU using a vibrator?? Tell him, would he like to be stimulated to the point just before orgasm and then you walk of EVERY TIME? Because that's how YOU feel Every time!

Use a vibrator, masturbate to your hearts content and tell him if he won't, you WILL have to take care of your needs.

I haven't read all the other posts so forgive me if I repeat anything..

It really doesn't seem like your boyfriend respects you. He just wants his and doesn't care whether you're happy or not.. That's a BIG problem..

You NEED to talk to him. And get it through his THICK skull that something is wrong and you're NOT OK with it..

These problems DO NOT go away by themselves and if you have any hope for a future with this guy you need to work this out soon.. He needs to understand that it's just more than pleasuring you.. it's much much more..

Just sit him down and talk to him.. Communicate how you're feeling.. and if he still doesn't get it.. then I suggest you leave this dud.. there are better guys out there for you that would LOVE to please you till the cows come home!

k,

You need more life experience, girl.

Women don't have to be passive and receive sex... actually, women are more sexually sophisticated and demanding than men if they get in touch with their passionate side. :)

Why don't you show your boyfriend how you react whey you are having an orgasm... give yourself an orgasm in front of him... that will open his eyes to the real power of female sexualilty.

If you are not orgasmic now, you have to teach YOURSELF how to orgasm through fantasy, gentle stimulation of your genitals... you have to break through the barrier yourself and take charge of your sexuality! :)

Then, you will have no problems with your partners; they are there to serve your ACTIVE sexual appetite.

Practice makes for perfect multiple orgasms.

Best wishes,

This is reason #1 why its bad to "FAKE" orgasms and pump up his ego when you should have been honest and guiding him to what works best for you.

You can't blame him if you've led him to believe he's been doing everything right all this time.

I don't think she has faked anything. She has told him she says a million times. He seems to be more into himself and video games than he is in pleasing her.
If you want to get a vibrator, go ahead. I wouldn't worry about what he thinks. He does not seem to be concerned about you.
But if that is the only way you're getting pleasure because he is too selfish to see that you do, why are you having sex with him?
I don't understand why a woman would have sex with a man who is too lazy to try and please her.

I don't think she has faked anything. She has told him she says a million times. He seems to be more into himself and video games than he is in pleasing her.
If you want to get a vibrator, go ahead. I wouldn't worry about what he thinks. He does not seem to be concerned about you.
But if that is the only way you're getting pleasure because he is too selfish to see that you do, why are you having sex with him?
I don't understand why a woman would have sex with a man who is too lazy to try and please her.Problem is there is a lot of room for interpretation there. And it can easily swing one way or the other depending on what was said and how it was asked.

....you have to break through the barrier yourself and take charge of your sexuality! :)

Then, you will have no problems with your partners; they are there to serve your ACTIVE sexual appetite.

OK, krzekali, listen to Choux here, because she knows the truth and is laying it out real plain for you.

A woman who has an active sexual appetite OF HER OWN that she takes responsibility for is either a total turnon (to a secure and generous guy) or a fear-inducing threat (to a selfish and insecure guy). So by taking charge of your sexuality you win two ways: You learn how to be sexually satisfied whether you have a man or not, PLUS you don't have to waste your time on toads and wusses.

Im not understanding what you're saying.
She says she tells him she is not being pleased, she asks him to do other things, he doesn't do it and so she is wondering if she should get a vibrator.
I'm asking why have sex with a man who is too lazy to please you? Get the vibrator and lose him.

Im not understanding what you're saying.
She says she tells him she is not being pleased, she asks him to do other things, he doesn't do it and so she is wondering if she should get a vibrator.
I'm asking why have sex with a man who is too lazy to please you? Get the vibrator and lose him.
Not sure if this was a response to my last statement... but assume it is.

What I mean is HOW did she pose these questions, and exactly when. They can be posed iin a very clear manner, or can be posed in a way that is very unclear... or at a time when he might not be predisposed to hearing it. This matters a great deal before we start laying blame at his feet. Women have a way of beating around the bush in an ambiguous manner at times and its possible he didn't understand what she was trying to tell him.

Not defending him, nor am I blaming her. It could fall either way or maybe both.

Obviously your going to have to take the role as the aggressor in you relationdhip to get what you want. Being more verbal and more movement on your side will help. Start having sex in the positions you like, when he looks like he's about to ejaculate tell him not to, tell him what he does that makes you feel good, don't let him insert his penis until your fully sexually trurned on. Be more controlling and agreesive. Sex is for your enjoyment too!

OK, now this is so embarssing and I know if he ever stumbled upon this, he'd be heartbroken


He will be heartbroken? What about you? Your not happy with the bedroom romps, so don't sell yourself short.

If he gets his, you should get yours, or no one gets any.

And has been said by others in other threads...

If you can't talk to him about this, then why are you having sex with him?

Thank you all for all your help!

I'am going to talk to him again, then if he still doesn't listen I will do things my way for a while until he gets sick of it.

And just to clear things up... when I do talk to him he'll do what I ask like once or twice, but then its like his memory just disapears and he forgot what I asked him to do.

Now he's startng to make comment like, 'why don't you ever get sexy for me' and I always respond, "why sould i when you dont even please me the way i want in bed?" and he just won't answer.

Ive tried the lingere and different positions, I've gotten sex books and toys (handcuffs, different lubes, etc) and he still doesn't do what I ask. So last night we were watching The Perfect Stanger with Halle berry and Bruce Willis.. for those of you that have seen it, do you remember the 'sex' scene w/ Halle Berry and that CSI guy? Well he says... 'why don't you ever f*!k me like that?' and I just didn't know what to say, because I feel like Ive done things in this relationship to try and make it work and now I've just given up and he doesn't like that.

I don't know, I'm just trying to keep you all posted on what's been going on, but I'm going to talk to him a final time and try to fix this, because every other part of our relatioship is amazing, except for the sex.

I know exactly how you feel, I'm going through pretty much the same thing. My boyfriend would just be in it for himself and the countless times that we have had sex, I have never orgasmed from it, ever. I always have to either not be satisfyed or do it myself, which is why I do have a vibrator. They do come in handy in those situations, so I say get one. As for him, he really does need to understand what you going through and you need to talk to him. Talk to him more and more until he gets it right. Don't let him have sex with you until him knows how to please you first. Hopefully all the info you have will help, good luck!

Okay, first off.. like everyone is saying.. don't be afraid to introduce a sexual toy into your and his sex life. It increases endorphin's in the brain when he sees you getting satisfied. However, the next time you guys get intimate make sure YOU are on top and guide yourself how you like it. Show him the way that you want it cause either way he is getting what he wants.

Guys are a lot easier to orgasm then Girls are.. you need to press buttons in order to stimulate this and that to achieve a successful orgasm. You should try playing with yourself and find what turns you on and how to get yourself to orgasm if you don't know already.

All in all, make sure that HE understands that having sex requires two people. You are not a stripper, you are not just in it to get him satisfied.

Good luck. :p

I think too many young girls are having sex to get a guy and keep him, Their enjoyment of it becomes secondary.
Sex toys are fine if they are used so that both of your sex lives will be enhanced. In other words it's for both your enjoyment not so you can get off because he is lazy.
If he does not know how, that's one thing, you two can work on that, but if he is just selfish, loose him. A man who is selfish in bed is selfish Period. No point in your getting sweaty and funky just for him and then you can't even talk to him about it for fear of embarrassing him. If he is selfish, he needs to be embarrassed.
Women need to wise up, as MoodsterMan said, "having sex requires two people. You are not a stripper, you are not just in it to get him satisfied"

Hey if you can't talk about it to him, you should not be doing it with him.

Listen I understand how you feel. My children's father was the same way. He only satisfied himself and never seemed to care that I was still HORNY and wanted a lot more than he obviously could either want or could handle. I did the best thing ever, I got myself a vibrator!! I started with a small BUNNY and worked my way up. I understand how this might be affecting your relationship cause it did mine. The vibrator was amazing, but I still felt that plastic was not enough so I left him and got with this great guy who truly has me begging for him to jump me every night and satisfies me tremendously!

So do you girl and get that vibrator. Try to discuss the situation with him and see if it works out. He might get BETTER if you just talk about it!!

A vibrator might help you - but it's not going to help him.

He sounds like an absolute 'dud root', and what's more he can't even listen to what you need and ask for. This is the big red flag for me - in good relationships people listen to each other.

My question is - what else will he avoid hearing? What else will he ignore?

All the sex toys in the world ain't going to help if he's deaf to your needs.

I had the same problem with my boyfriend. It was like he just didn't get it that I had the same needs as him. So, I would make him do the foreplay thing. When he'd be getting into position to actually penetrate, I'd say "not yet baby, i'm not ready, lets play a little more so I get wetter first" or something to that extent. I masturbated in front of him so he could SEE what I liked and how to do it. Yes, it was a bit embarrassing at first. Just do it to cendlelight, it's a lot more comforting that bright light bulbs. He's got to take your needs into consideration. And if he gets mad at you for getting a vibrator, then politely ask him if he'd like to... ah... fill that position.

Does he not know or not care?

My first GF never once had an orgasm. She asked for it and I just didn't know what to do. She was too shy to give me details. I was probably as frusterated as she was. I stopped trying it because she never gave me positive reinforcement and never steered me in the right direction.

It got so bad I didn't want to sleep with her because I knew how frusterated it would just make her!

I bring this up because if you're his first as well, he may actually really be that clueless...

Does he not know or not care?

My first GF never once had an orgasm. She asked for it and I just didn't know what to do. she was too shy to give me details. I was probably as frusterated as she was. I stopped trying it because she never gave me positive reinforcement and never steered me in the right direction.

It got so bad I didn't want to sleep with her because I knew how frusterated it would just make her!

I bring this up because if your his first as well, he may actually really be that clueless...

This can be true;

I know when I first had sex I had no idea what I was doing but the chick seemed to know and got off by herself with me only supplying the inches.

If you don't know how to achieve an orgasm yourself, I don't understand how your partner would know?

Krzekali,

If he wants to continue to try to be with you, make a bedroom rule: You get off First, then he can get started.

If he can get you going, you may find that you can go again and again to his once. But you have to get going before he does.

If he can't, you should try the friends/roommates route.

Krzekali,

If he wants to continue to try to be with you, make a bedroom rule: You get off First, then he can get started.

If he can get you going, you may find that you can go again and again to his once. But you have to get going before he does.

If he can't, you should try the friends/roommates route.

And what would the "friends/roommates" route be?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/boyfriend-hurts-me-so-bad-365265.html

The rest of the story. Sex isn't the only problem here.

Girl you have a man who treats you like crap and does the "wham-bam-thank you ma'am on the regular"
He sounds like an A1 jerk, but you are there taking it.
Pee or get off the pot! In other words, get a clue and a spine and leave him, or shut up!

I love him to death!


Y'see T-man, they fixed all their problems (eye roll)

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/boyfriend-hurts-me-so-bad-365265.html

The rest of the story. Sex isn't the only problem here.

I take my advice back. Call Family and Children's Services, they can get you into an abuse shelter until you can make up with your family. He is abusing you, get out before it gets physical.

Thanks, Tal. I missed that.

You are being abused. Don't volunteer to continue to be a victim. Leave. You say you love him, love yourself more.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/boyfriend-hurts-me-so-bad-365265.html

The rest of the story. Sex isn't the only problem here.

I knew it! Dud root in the bedroom, abusive and boorish behaviour in the relationship.

This is a no-win situation.

Don't worry about the transmission - get a bus or train and get out of there.

You are being abused. Don't volunteer to continue to be a victim. Leave. You say you love him, love yourself more.

She's right... you have to love yourself enough to venture out and get out of a bad situation!

This isn't love... its clinging onto something you know.

I see no signs that this is a good or healthy relationship based on the posts of this thread.

You deserve someone better, and can most certainly find someone that fits that bill.

If a man is only concerned about pleasuring himself then it means you have got him too comfortable with just getting it and go. I believe in pleasing a woman first to make sure they will achieve climax and then satisfying myself. So if you allow him to continue you will never get pleased and the relationship will soon fail. Ive had two female friends who asked for the same advice and both of them are single now