Hello, I'm going to give you a brief rundown on what happened.
Im a 27 single male who is confused on what to do. Was dating a girl for close to 2 years as well. Here's the story.
In October of 2008 I started experiencing symptoms of depression, though I could see nothing was wrong with me. I had a great girlfriend, good job, etc. Though my girlfriend and my family noticed I was sleeping more, my moods were changing, and they figured I was getting depressed but didn't know why?

December roles around and my girlfriends friends tell her I'm cheating on her (they heard a name similar to mine associated with a girl, wrong accusation) and we start fighting like crazy. I end up breaking down and telling her that I don't want to deal with bs like this anymore. We end up not speaking for 3 weeks and I go to a therapist because I wanted to see what was wrong with me. They diagnosed me with a chemical imbalance and gave me a prescription medicine and my girlfriend and I got back together. That's when things really started to change.

By the 3rd week on the medication I was acting different, I was extremely moody, crying all the time, and pushing everyone away. My girlfriend and I were OK one second and then I would blow up on her the next for doing something that I didn't like. By the end of February my prescription ran out and for 4 days I was fine... back to normal and my girlfriend and I were happy. She didn't understand it but she happy I was myself again. Then I refilled the prescription. It happened all over again. We had a huge fight over something that could have been resolved with a simple ""I'm sorry, I love you" but things were said on both parts and I told her over the phone that "I would cut my throat if she didn't listen to me." I didn't have a knife to my throat but she thought I did. She decided that she wanted to end it because we were constantly fighting and she couldn't take it anymore, and wanted to move on with her life because she wanted to be happy. We haven't talked since (21 days.)

I go back to my doctor and find out that I was becoming more depressed using the medication (never heard that before but I did some research and it was true.) He prescribed me a new medication and now I feel fine. I feel like my life is balanced out. Now I'm wondering on what to do with my ex-girlfriend? I did send her flowers the day I found out and wrote the note "I'm sorry for the past couple months but respect your decision. I lost focus on who I was and let "this" effect our relationship. I hope you are well." Her response was "Thank you for the flowers and respecting my decision, I will always love you."

I have given her space and time to think but does anyone think I should even try to give it a shot. I know she must have felt so hurt and unloved and I left her to fend for herself emotionally. I don't know what to do. I love her, respect her, appreciate who she is, but I didn't show it that well while I was going through this. I don't think she will contact me first.

Please any help I get would be great.
Thank you for reading this.
Gerry

Well you acted out because of the medication you was takening at the time. It flooding you different emotions and lead to your detachment from your girldriend let alone life.

I can understand even though you was going through a rough time she was going through a hard time trying to understand and accept it. Maybe if she would have been educated a little more regarding what you was going through and the side effects from your meds it might have help her. Regardless, it is hard to see someone you care about go through this and sometimes it get frustrating and takes a lot of energy to deal with. But she did try to stick in there with you.

The only thing you can do right now is respect her decision and give her her space as requested. She might be trying to sort things out and that includes her feelings for you.

I don't know if the two is going wind up back together and don't want to give you false hope but in these situations you never know what can happen or what the outcome can be because it's tricky. The only thing I can tell you is to take care of yourself so you won't have a relapse of emotions. Learn how to cope without her.

Hi Gerry,

I too am on medication for depression and before the meds I would cry a lot, lash out emotionally to people and was driving everyone around me who loved me crazy. I know what you are going through, believe me, I have been there. You can either grant her more space, or perhaps hand write her a letter explaining that the meds where causing you to act the way you were, and now that you are on different ones, you are feeling and doing much better. Explain everything, and ask her to dinner to talk. It couldn't hurt. A handwritten letter will also show that you took the time to sit down gather your thoughts and compose this. It is also romantic. If she says no to dinner, then you should move on. But if she says yes, well then you can talk with her in person.

Thank you for your responses.

I do want to mention that she also went through a hard couple of months where I was there for her completely. Though they weren't as bad like the ones I put her through I was still there for all her tears and emotional heartache. She was hating her job and snapping @ me every second she could. I still stayed by her side and didn't fight with her whatsoever.

Everyone always says "No Contact" is the key, but what if you had a stubborn girlfriend? She's 28 and I know she wants to be loved but I don't want to push her away.

she couldn't take it anymore, and wanted to move on with her life because she wanted to be happy. We haven't talked since (21 days.)




"Thank you for the flowers and respecting my decision, I will always love you."



Respect her decision, and leave her alone. It really is that simple. Just do as she asked.

Threads merged

If the woman still loves you, does it work? Even if you weren't under control of your problems (chemical imbalance, wrong medication, made it worse.)

Any experience in here?

She doesn't play the No Contact game. Either you contact her or you never hear from her again.

Could you maybe explain a little more? I'm not sure how bad the things you did were, it might work, or it might not.

And who broke up with who? And why?

could you maybe explain a little more? I'm not sure how bad the things you did were, it might work, or it might not.

and who broke up with who? and why?

Read this thread then respond in this one.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/chemical-imbalance-destroyed-relationship-331626.html

I will do that, but I didn't know that you've posted about this earlier...

i will do that, but I didn't know that you've posted about this earlier....

Sorry about that, I'm just trying to right my wrongs

Listen, I think you should respect her decision and give her space. She might find it nice if you wrote her that letter, but You did send her the flowers... and the note and she responded. And thanked you for respecting her decision.

No problem.

Maybe you should ask about this in the other thread, if no one else responds to this one...

Best of luck!

You can see how confusing it is to post another question on the same subject. Thats why the post have been merged to stop the confusion.

I think writing the note will help you vent your feelings, but mailing it to her is a very bad idea. Write it, and burn it.

Sorry guy, better look ahead, and not back.

Merged threads

So recently my ex and I broke things off because of my chemical imbalance, the medication I was taking gave me horrible side effects and she couldn't handle it anymore. She told me she was going to always love me but move on with her life. I ended up getting better and
I haven't contacted her since.
So 3 weeks have gone by and my friend calls me and says "You know your ex is on a dating website." SO he forwards me the link and I read what she wanted in a mate, and everything she wants is what I was giving her and the look of the type of guy she wanted was a carbon copy of myself.

SO now what do I in this situation? Everyone keeps saying no contact but obviously she's looking to replace "me" with "me."

Shouldn't I just try and get her back?

No.. obviously there was a problem, and you two didn't work out. It's now time for you to move on and find somebody else.

Stick with what your doing and find a better partner for you.

She left you because of a medical problem I don't know about other peole but if someone is going to leave you when you are in that state then go looking for someone like you its wrong.

She wants someone like you OK good yea but the question you haft to ask yourself is will she be there for you I mean she left when you were down what makes you think she won't do it again.

Move on with your life and find a woman who wants you for you and won't leave you when things are not ogin well.

In the end all we can give you is advice the choice is yours I just hope you make the right one for you

There is a very good reason we say stay off those social network pages, because everything we see either confuses us, or gives us false hope.

We also suggest you tell your close friends, to not be go betweens, or look out scouts, for her business.

She left you because of a medical problem i dont know about other peole but if someone is going to leave you when you are in that state then go looking for someone like you its wrong.

She wants someone like you ok good yea but the question you haft to ask yourself is will she be ther for you i mean she left when you were down what makes you think she wont do it again.

move on with your life and find a woman who wants you for you and wont leave you when things are not ogin well.

In the end all we can give you is advice the choice is yours i just hope you make the right one for you

It wasn't even that bad, I had a negative reaction on the medicine my doctor gave me originally, I did have some major mood swings but never once put her down, or laid a hand on her, I would just blow up about something, then get really quiet and want to be alone for a little bit.

She can't handle pressure whatsoever. I was the rock in that relationship. I was there when the same thing happened to her, she got put on medication and I was there for her and the beginning was bad but I stayed cause I loved her. She got better and I maintained being the rock until it hit me.

She wasn't perfect either, had some issues (trust, insecurity) because of her past relationships, and wasn't responsible whatsoever.

Could it be a possibility that she used this period of your relationship as a way to make up her mind and get out of the relationship?

But It does seem that no matter why she decided to break up, if she does come to a decision that she wants you back (specifically you and not some version of you that she found on a dating site... then she'll prob tell you don't you think, when she realizes it) That's NOT to say that you should go around thinking about that, or waiting and hoping for it. B/c she seems to have made up her mind...

It does seem like the info you got about and on the dating site might have filled you with some false hope and that really is the worst kind of hope.

Maybe it is time to try working on letting her go and working through what ever pain you are feeling. B/c the truth is.. the two of you did break up and she appreciates that you respects her decision... if she has moved on, maybe you should as well... this will most likely NOT be good for you in the long run.

Threads merged

And this is all it said
"You proved that i stand corrected."

I have no idea what that means.

Anyone know what that means? Or if there is a little meaning to it.

You proved that she was wrong?

Ignore and delete. I don't care what stupid saying my ex emails me, it would be deleted, especially if it was as ambiguous as this is...

No need to open a can of old worms. Of course, you could email her back with another witty saying... "What goes up, must come down." Just sayin'... :cool:

I have no clue, and maybe this is something you should leave alone. No point worrying over it.

You proved that she was wrong??

If this is what it means then I guess I am happy on the situation. I didn't want to prove a point to her but I just knew that I wasn't the wrong one in our relationship.

Well there you go. I guess she expected you to know what she meant by this short e-mail. It may been ambiguous an strange, but maybe she guessed you'd understand it... and seems like you do, so all good... no need to respond to her.

Her cryptic message is a way for her to get back to you and open up a line of communication.

Delete it, and add her address to the SPAM filter. Therefore this messages will no longer be allowed to plague your mind

She wants to be in contact with you. She's sending you a confusing email because you most likely will respond, asking for clarification OR you don't respond but she doesn't feel like an idiot because she didn't send you an email that absolutely requires a response such as "hey, how have you been?", if you ignored an email like that, she would've felt completely rejected. With the email she has sent you, she's not putting herself completely out there or admitting to missing you, she is trying to seem like she is simply stating a small fact for your information, nothing too heavy... the irony is that she wants to open the lines of communication to a subject that is quite heavy.

Or perhaps email her back and say, "The ducks have conquered the turtles.

My interpretation of the email is. Maybe the reason you guys broke up in the first place, she probably gave you some reason, like your not affectionate, or you don't try hard enough or something along that lines and since you stopped contacting her, I think she is trying to tell you that she was right the whole time because you didn't prove her wrong.

I think its something along those lines and just like isneeze said, she wants to reopen communication which means she still cares. To what degree? I don't know maybe friendship? Or wants to get back together? Regardless, going back is just going to bring more hurt I think.

Its funny cause when I did try contacting her in the month of March she blew up on me. So I decided to stick with NC. It's been close to a month since we last talked. Though in the last month I have improved my life (New Job making 15 grand more a year, buying a condo in a couple weeks, went back to training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu again (doing it for 2 years, when I met her I stopped to focus on her.) I just feel really good.

Though I feel good, I do miss her, and still love her but I don't have that anxiety every morning when I wake up now. I'm content on being alone and just doing what I am doing. It's a shame though, I have to figure out what to do with this engagement ring I bought for her before we broke up...

I hope everyone is doing OK on these boards.

Everyone that I have asked this question too has said the following "she knows she messed up, she wants to get back together." Now I just have to decide if I want to try again.

Yah ever since I broke up I have so much time to pick up stuff I left like the piano and guitar for my ex because she wants all my time but now I have so much time to do what I like even though I still miss her too. But I feel betrayed and I can't get back with her even though I want to. Anyway its awesome to hear you're doing better. But yah it takes a while to get over a break up so there will be always ups and down and we just got to keep living our life.

As for the engagement ring. If it hurts you to see it and it brings back memories of when you guys were together, I saw get rid of it and sell it. If you find a new girl, I'm sure you wouldn't want to give her that ring because it wasn't meant for her.

As for her, its really up to you if you want to take her back just know that if you do be very cautious. If she left you once before, she wouldn't have any problems leaving again and after all the hurt it caused you I'm not sure if you think its worth it anymore. Good Luck =P - none12345

Yeah I mean I couldn't get out of bed for 3 weeks almost after we first broke up. I cried like a baby, it was awesome. I lost close to 30 pounds all together (which I didn't need to lose, I was 5'10 139 when I started gaining my weight back.)

Though Just having fun is what I tried and did do. I went out with my guy friends and made a whole new network of friends in a weekend. I started dating again, but just to get out of the house and meet new people. Which I tell you works wonders for yourself esteem.

The engagement ring... yeah, I think I'm just going to sell it. I haven't looked at it because I locked it away. I'm better off not looking at it because I was going to propose in less than a month if we were still together.

I know if I take her back it could either be great or it could be a disaster. She did have a lot of growing up to do. It could go either way. I just don't want to get hurt again, and by saying that I think it would be the wrong move to go back to her.

LOL dude its all the same man. I'm 5"9 I was 160 and now m 140 I feel so skinny. But yah basically I have been in no contact for 4 weeks now and the first few weeks I literally ate nothing. But anyway my friend girls are pushing girls my way and I realized I'm not ready to date yet but ready to go out and meet new people and it does work wonders.

Maybe wait till you're better before looking at the ring dude. And its up to you what to do about taking her back or not. Its hard to take them back after trust is broken. For me my ex will have to beg me like crazy for me to take her back. But yah do what is best for you and to prevent most hurt.

Yeah so I assume we were / are in the same boat. I look horrible still (I'm about 150 now) but I'm glad that I can wake up in the morning and not feel like a pile of crap.

Ya know, trust has been broken big time here. For me being there for her through everything (her depression, her car getting repoed, from turning off her gas and electric, from even finding the root of all her problems... she was a shopaholic and spent over 3000 on clothes a month) I never once left her side, because I loved her. I then get a small imbalance and the medicine I was on made me a little depressed and she leaves me. F'n awesome I tell you.

Oh by the way I think maybe going out on a date with a new woman will help you heal a little bit quicker. Cause maybe part of your mind is saying "no one will ever like / love me again, or they won't think I am attractive." I've been on a couple dates with all different girls (actually have my 3rd date with one girl tomorrow night) and honestly you might miss out on something great. Try it out, and if they are cute, it's even better. You can at least replace her ex's face with these girls. Just don't over do it. If you and your ex don't get back together you are going to have to start somewhere. I say start now.

Yah trust has been broken here big time too. After 3 years of friendship and 2 years of lovers, she left me for some guy that confessed to her because we were doing long distance relationship and I did so much for her she threw me aside like garbage. But yah I've been on one date only to find out how much better my ex was... lol still miss her and been having crazy ideas on how to win her back... sigh... anyway I can't have her back now no more trust but yah...

I'd be careful if I was you. If it was as simple as "she knows she messed, she wants to get back together" she would have sent you an email saying just that. But she didn't, she sent you an email just to get your focus back on her because she senses you're moving on. It doesn't mean she wants you back, it means she doesn't want you to move on.

I'd be careful if I was you. If it was as simple as "she knows she messed, she wants to get back together" she would have sent you an email saying just that. But she didn't, she sent you an email just to get your focus back on her because she senses you're moving on. It doesn't mean she wants you back, it means she doesn't want you to move on.

Yeah I thought that but she has way too much pride when it comes to relationships. Even though she can't be alone and needs the love of someone @ all times, if she knows she screwed up, she won't come out and say it.

Females are confusing.

Yah trust has been broken here big time too. after 3 years of friendship and 2 years of lovers, she left me for some guy that confessed to her because we were doing long distance relationship and i did so much for her she threw me aside like garbage. But yah i've been on one date only to find out how much better my ex was.... lol still miss her and been having crazy ideas on how to win her back.... sigh.... anyways i can't have her back now no more trust but yah....

BTW your situation was just like mine a couple years back. I was 25 when it happened, a girl that I knew since college and had a 4 year relationship with her (2 years Long Distance) one day just broke up with me. Why... at first she couldn't give a reason but then I found out that this guy she worked with confessed his love to her. We were long Distance (3 hours apart) she made the most "logical" decision she could think of. So she went to him and I was heartbroken. Next thing you know he only wanted sex and broke up with her 4 months in, she came begging, crawling, crying, and stating that she loved me and didn't want to live without me. I didn't take her back, though I thought of everyway to get her back when she didn't want me. It's not worth it.

Also if you have had 1 date and your ex was better, then go on another date with another girl. Trust me, your ex will look better a majority of the time, but once time has gone by, other ladies tend to look way better.

Yah... they always come back neh? But by that time we have completely healed and won't take them back anymore and probably have found something better already. Anyway how's it going with your situation now?

Don't know, I haven't responded to her, I might give her another week or two. Part of me really wants to call her and just say "Let's have a cup of coffee." The other part of me is saying "Whatever." Though there is a huge part of me that wants to take her back. 1 week from now will be a month since we last talked, and it will be a total of 2 months since we've last seen each other. I think maybe cause she broke the NC maybe I should respond on Sunday (a day she doesn't work.) Who knows. What do you think I should do?

A part of you wants her back, I can understand that. A part of me wants my ex back but that doesn't mean I am going to take her back if she wants to come back, she has broken my trust and she is not loyal and a different person in my eyes now. Of course I still remember the good times we had, but its just a mere memory now. Still get sad every now and then too and still cry out of no where but I guess its normal.

Honestly dude, if you want my opinion, all she sent was that email saying nothing more. I'd say don't contact her at all. A simple email like that is not worth replying. You need to let her know you are serious and you are not going to come back to her with every little stuff she does to try to open lines of recommunication. She left you dude. From one person to another, if she wants to have you back, she is going to have to work really hard now and you are going to expect that to her. No text messages, no emails. You need to let her know she has to be serious or you're not coming back.

She needs to call you, none of those chit chat business, get straight to the point and tell you she wants to restart the relationship. That will show you she is serious and is not playing games with you which might lead to more hurt. Don't reply to here nonsense emails, text messages, msn or w.e.. I don't know if you understand what I'm saying but basically I'm trying to say that if she calls you on the phone and tells you she wants to restart relationship, that should be the only time you should consider starting it again or not, because that shows you she is serioius. All other forms of communication, she is trying to play with your feelings and you will get hurt again. Trust me

Yep my ex keeps trying to contact me with stupid irrelevant texts and emails to open up communication.

Don't get sucked in!

Advice to myself...
"ITS A TRAP!"

I have a little bit of a different take on what she texted you. It has the tone of sarcasm in my opinion. To me it sounds like maybe she has talked to a mutual friend or someone, and they told her something, that she may have accused you of when you were together, and that was her way of saying, "see." Or maybe she heard a rumour, and that was her way of letting you know that she knew. Even though you would have no idea, and she was just sticking it to you, one final time? I could be wrong, but that's my gut instinct. I would say she was just baiting you, because she was upset about something.

I think you're on the money starby =P

I have a little bit of a different take on what she texted you. It has the tone of sarcasm in my opinion. To me it sounds like maybe she has talked to a mutual friend or someone, and they told her something, that she may have accused you of when you were together, and that was her way of saying, "see." Or maybe she heard a rumour, and that was her way of letting you know that she knew. Even though you would have no idea, and she was just stickin it to ya, one final time? I could be wrong, but that's my gut instinct. I would say she was just baiting you, because she was upset about something.

Starbucks,
Though I did think this through, but we have no mutual friends whatsoever. I also live in NJ and she lives in PA. Even though we are 25 minutes apart, we will never see each other or have friends bump into each other. The only time I am in Philadelphia is to train in BJJ. I know we don't have any mutual friends because Her friends were horrible towards me and my friends because I didn't think the way they did (her friends were big time potheads going nowhere in life, and their men were worse.) Her friends also were the hippie free spirit type. Some of them didn't even shower everyday, and don't believe in such great things as "internet, xbox 360, and making legit money." Her friends said I was always following the rules in life, and never having any fun (meaning drugs, partying all the time, etc.) I have a good job, good life, and I treated my ex very well. Her friends were jealous (even told her sometimes that they were) and tried breaking us up a couple times. They told her cause I didn't propose yet (we were dating for 6 months at the time) that I didn't love her. In 2 weeks it would have been 2 years. Imagine hearing every time you got together with her friends "so I guess you two aren't engaged yet???" It's not my fault I didn't knock her up the 1st week of dating. That's another thing, they wanted her to get pregnant because they thought she was told old to have kids (27 @ the time.) Lovely isn't it.

Ya know if she is sticking it to me 1 last time, then she can try and go right ahead. I'm @ the point where if she did still want to come back or didn't, I'd be fine with either of the choices. If she's upset about something why wouldn't she just confront me?

Confusing.

BTW I found this song online. Could have something to do with her email.
Eleventeen - I stand corrected
A broken picture frame
Laying at my feet
This once was
A good memory
Now you are gone
And I want you back
Shattered dreams are
All I抳e ever had and

You proved me wrong again,
And I stand corrected
You proved me wrong again,
And I stand rejected

I never wanted you
To see this side of me
All my hurts,
All my insecurities
I never wanted you
To see this side of me
All my hurts,
All my insecurities

You proved me wrong again,
And I stand corrected
You proved me wrong again,
And I stand rejected

You proved me wrong again,
And I stand rejected
You proved me wrong again,
And I stand corrected

I never wanted you to see this ugly side of me
And I never wanted you to see this side of me
All my hurts,
All my insecurities
I never wanted you to see this ugly side of me
And I never wanted you to see this side of me
All my hurts,
All my insecurities

I stand alone,
And I stand alone
I never wanted you to see this ugly side of me
And I stand alone,
I stand alone...

Threads merged

About 2 months ago my ex and I split up over the stupidest reasons.
Then a couple weeks ago she sent me an email saying "you proved that I stand corrected."

Well Yesterday her and I bumped into each other while in the city. It wasn't awkward whatsoever. We had a friendly little chat and that was it, we went out separate ways.

Then I got a text message and she said she was "Glad I was doing well." I responded with the same, and we texted a little bit with her saying she "wants me to be well" and "Im so proud of you" and it ended with her saying "I'm glad you are doing things that are making you happy." I never responded to that. I just thought that was a good way to end it.

Now I've known I want to get back with her, we had a very strong bond and love that was unconditional. She knows she was wrong for the things she did, and she wouldn't have emailed me a couple weeks ago with that "you proved I stand corrected" which meant "you proved that I admit I was wrong."

So do I give it a bit more time, and maybe wait a week or two before I talk to her again? I'm just glad we had a normal conversation and she was very nice. She knows she was wrong for the way it ended. For people that actually have gotten back with an ex... is it a good idea to wait or should I continue to pursue, but very slowly?

Any help would be great.
Thank you.

I suggest caution and would not contact her unless she makes the first move.

Clearly your love was not as 'unconditional' or bonded as you believe because you split for a stupid reason (your words).

You assume that 'she knows she was wrong' but have no real proof other than a text message.

I'd wait and give some thought - perhaps you're the sort of people that have a better friendship than relationship.

I suggest caution and would not contact her unless she makes the first move.
Clearly your love was not as 'unconditional' or bonded as you believe because you split for a stupid reason (your words).
You assume that 'she knows she was wrong' but have no real proof other than a text message.
I'd wait and give some thought - perhaps you're the sort of people that have a better friendship than relationship.

I don't know if we could have a friendship with one another. I was planning on proposing in June. If we did it would have to take years you know.
Part of me doesn't know if I should jump the gun and just ask her out or wait. Maybe I'll wait a little bit and see what happens next.

The more contact you have with her, the more confused you will be. Leave her alone as everyone has been telling you and deal with your own issues for now.

There is no reason to keep starting yet another new posts, just give feedback to this one, which is the whole story for others to read, and understand, instead of bits and pieces.

The most important thing is to feel good about yourself and everything else will fall into place. Be patient and don't rush back into past situations.

Update:
So we talked today (she initiated it) but brought out the whole "Im still not comfy with talking to you."
Now we aren't talking again. One minute she's texting me non stop, then she's uncomfy. I honestly don't understand her, or people like this.

The most important thing is to feel good about yourself and everything else will fall into place. Be patient and don't rush back into past situations.

needadvice1,
This is the thing, I have been feeling great about myself lately (and for the past month) so I just thought 2 months of not really talking or even seeing each other would help her clear her mind a little bit. I mean why else would she send me an email saying "You proved that I stand corrected." Then we bump into each other and it's actually an OK conversation we have with each other. Then the texts I receive and I believe that "everything is falling into place."

Now this?

needadvice1,
This is the thing, I have been feeling great about myself lately (and for the past month) so I just thought 2 months of not really talking or even seeing eachother would help her clear her mind a little bit. I mean why else would she send me an email saying "You proved that I stand corrected." Then we bump into eachother and it's actually an ok convo we have with eachother. Then the texts I receive and I believe that "everything is falling into place."

Now this?

What2do,

Nothing at this time will be as it seems to be because of the recent events.
There are to many emotions floating around and not enough reason.
I would suggest that you step away from the situation and take a better look at what could be right in front of your face.

Time will take care of this

Be patient

So last night after training @ the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu studio I go to, I decided to stop and get a meal @ subway. When I go to leave I see my ex in her car eating in the parking lot, so I wave say "Hi" and keep on walking. She then rolled down her window and said my name. So I came up and started talking to her, just a quick brief chat and she just started crying. I asked her if she wanted to sit down and talk somewhere and she nodded "yes." So we sat down on the curb and just talked the night away. Lots of tears from her and I did cry a little @ the end but I was strong.

We talked about our lives and how everything has been since then, my life is going very good, her life is crumbling. She doesn't eat, sleep, is confused, lost, and hurt. I'm over the break up, and I have healed myself with NC. She has done the opposite, she was the one that broke up with me, and she looks horrible. I wanted to comfort her but all she kept saying was "Why did you do this to me, I'm so confused, I'm lost, I'm struggling in my life because of you."

Remember she was the one that ended it with me because my medication made me more depressed. Now that I'm off it I'm fine and back to myself. She seemed to not get over this, but this is what she wanted.

We talked for close to an hour, with her smoking a total of 8 cigarettes, crying, while I sat there and listened to her. I didn't fight, and I didn't raise my voice @ all. I let her vent cause I think she needed it. She asked my opinion and I didn't have one, my thoughts were "I'm sorry that you are going through this right now, and if you need me I'm here." Her response "I have to do this myself!"

She told me that I was abusive towards her but when I asked how she couldn't give me an exact answer. She said the way I was treating her when she didn't pay her bills, or when they shut off her electric, and water. All I ever did was explain to her that she needs to be an adult and take care of her responsibilities. To her that says I was "judging, or abusive."

She asked he on how I feel about her... my response "I will always love you, how couldn't I, I broke my back for you, and loved you with all my heart for 2 years...it's hard to let that go."

Then she said "I don't know what I want to do, I know you have a ring for me, I know, I heard through friends....I'm so confused. I need to talk to my friends." These are the same friends who told her I was cheating on her, the same friends that got her arrested, the same friends that got her on drugs before and the same friends who weren't there for her when she needed someone.

We hugged and she cried on my shoulder for a good minute, I know she is confused.

I'm healed, and she's the wreck... But I still want her in my life, and still want her to be my wife, am I sick in the head?

No... I know just how you feel...

I have been going back and forth, breaking up and making up, been through a lot with this girl, had her break up with me, but every time she comes back, I just let her back in, and she just hurts me after a while again, because she is not OK yet.

I think you should take the same advice I took, where I have to let her sort herself out, like properly, and then come back to me when she is really OK and able to have a real proper relationship, or else the cycle will continue and it will be that way forever. Whether she deals with her issues and improves herself is up to her, and only she can do it. Yes, you can be there for her, but only up to a certain point. Too much, and she won't learn anything, so try to find that fine line.

I wish you luck my friend. I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. It might seem we are gluttons for punishment and are stupid for not letting go, but we are in love, we gave these girls our heart and its not as easy to let go just yet. Hang in there and all the best

While we all would like to help our exes, because we still care, we can't and she wants to do it herself. Let her, as its best to keep healing, and give her the same chance, without you. You both had old feelings stirred up, but reality is to follow your own path, and let her find one that works for her.

You must love yourself first before you are truly able to love another.

You cannot take the hurt and pain that she is feeling and make things better for your ex. She will have to accept that she has problems and seek HELP with your assistance if you like. You will never be able to rise completely above this situation if you allow her to reel you back in time after time. "" open your eyes - take a step back "
The best thing that has happened here is that you are not married , so air on the side of caution and take things extremely SLOW until these matters clear up.

One word - three syllables ( THERAPY )

Give it another chance maybe? You might always be wondering if it could have worked. I don't think she was playing a game. She was confused by what you were going through and hurt naturally. It sounds like you're doing much better. Glad to hear that. Before I even read the part where she wanted you back, I wondered and thought that might have happened. You can at least try to talk to one another. If I'm wrong I'm wrong but I would at least try if you still have questions. I know the hurt is hard to undo but it sounds as though it was not intentional on either part/side. Good luck to you and glad you're feeling better. Stay well.

Edit: My apologies. I missed an entire page. I'm going to go with "Therapy" as well. I guess in the end you will both decide what to do. You're being a good friend though to her. If I were her, I would have to cut myself off completely to be able to heal if I knew for sure I needed to get over someone. Especially if the relationship was unhealthy for both of you. Best of luck to both of you. You'll both grow from this I bet.

Yeah I thought that but she has way too much pride when it comes to relationships. Even though she can't be alone and needs the love of someone @ all times, if she knows she screwed up, she won't come out and say it.

Females are confusing.

So far I have learned that this girl has money issues, is a shop-a-holic, places her pride above all else, and can't be alone and needs the love of someone at all times. You don't won't to be saddled with someone that is this far from being "done". She needs to go back in the oven and finish cooking before she is a healthy solid individual that is ready to combine lives with another healthy solid individual.

So far I have learned that this girl has money issues, is a shop-a-holic, places her pride above all else, and can't be alone and needs the love of someone at all times. You don't won't to be saddled with someone that is this far from being "done". She needs to go back in the oven and finish cooking before she is a healthy solid individual that is ready to combine lives with another healthy solid individual.

When I first met her she was a wreck. I was what kept her together, and for the first time in her life, (her parents have said this) she was becoming a woman. Everyone (except her 3 friends) say I was the best thing that ever happened to her, and for her.

I wouldn't mind going back to her, being with her while helping her get back to herself, whatever that may be. I know she should do it by herself but she has no one, I just can't see myself turning my back on her whatsoever.

I am not going to call her until she calls me but I got her something from Italy that I'm going to mail to her... it's sentimental and it means something to her. Maybe it'll help her in a way.

When I first met her she was a wreck. I was what kept her together, and for the first time in her life, (her parents have said this) she was becoming a woman. Everyone (except her 3 friends) say I was the best thing that ever happened to her, and for her.

I wouldn't mind going back to her, being with her while helping her get back to herself, whatever that may be. I know she should do it by herself but she has no one, I just can't see myself turning my back on her whatsoever.

I am not going to call her until she calls me but I got her something from Italy that I'm going to mail to her....it's sentimental and it means something to her. Maybe it'll help her in a way.

You were like her treausre map, once she found the treasure, she doesn't need a map anymore. In other words, you were her support when she was down. I think you need to get over her and move on with your life. I don't think sending her something sentimental is a good move right now... it will definitely not change her mind and make her come running back to you.

Hi G,

I wouldn't send her anything right now. Let her come back to you. You both had a nice talk and she knows how you feel, I'm sure, but she needs to come back to you. Believe me it is better off if she does, because you don't ever want to force (not that you are) someone back or keep dropping hints if they aren't ready. It must come from her this time. You will be so much happier when it does.

Hi G, You're quite popular here aren't you? I just wanted to check in real quick so you know you are in the thoughts. And like Starlite, I didn't want to spell out your full name. I'm going to check your other email tomorrow. Hang in there G. We're rooting for you!

So Friday I heard from my ex, but it was a quick text that said "Thank U, I am wearing them."

Now this got me confused because I didn't know what she was talking about but I realized something was missing from my desk @ work. Here is the story.

I went to Italy a couple weeks ago for a business trip and I picked up a Padre Pio necklace / medal. Though I knew I would only give it to her if we got back together I decided to keep it in my desk with a letter inside of it. I placed it inside an envelope (one of those confidential / messenger envelopes with her address on it) and just have had it in my desk for weeks. I honestly thought I would never get to give it to her, but maybe one day when we moved on to mail it to her just to let her know that I got this for her, and I hope she is well.

Well I was looking for an important folder @ work on Thursday so I basically cleaned out my desk and left the envelope on my desk. When I left work Thursday night I still had a few things on my desk but just said "I'll clean it up in the morning."

Friday Morning rolls around and I get to my desk and notice that all my stuff was on the floor. I thought maybe it was the cleaning people but I just grabbed everything and put it back in my desk. I didn't think anything of it.

Then during the middle of my day I get a text from her that said "Thank U, I am wearing them." I didn't know what she was talking about, so I just sat there and thought "What could she be wearing." I then realized that I didn't see the messenger envelope when I threw everything back in my desk. I then took everything out of my desk to see if it was anywhere... but it wasn't.

Later on during the day one of my co-workers said that "this morning someones kids (I know who they were) came in and were playing around and knocked over a lot of stuff on everyone's desk. We tried cleaning yours up but you were coming and we didn't want you to get mad." I asked "What did you do with the envelope I had that said "C" (my ex and address) on it?" She said "we gave it to the messenger to deliver."

THe note inside the envelope said
"C,
I know right now you are confused, lost, and hurt. Even though you said you didn't need anyone's help, I made a promise to myself never to turn my back on you. While I was in italy, I picked these up for you. I know Padre Pio is a huge inspiration to you, and I have been reading about him.....he is an amazing human being and I wanted you to have these. They have been blessed, and I hope they guide you to wherever you want to be.
I Love you,
G"

Now even though I was pissed they mailed it for me, I don't know if this is a bad thing or a blessing in disguise?

Ah, I love it when the Universe takes over. (As an Italian I think Padre Pio is cool too.)

I suspect you may have to just wait and see - perhaps Padre Pio will work his magic on her. Perhaps he won't. Padre Pio is symbolic for the healing that she needs to do - now let it happen without any interference from you.

Things are out of your control the envelope being mailed by your co-workers is proof of that. Let it be. Allow events to unfold without your influence and just, if you can, observe what happens.

I never knew about Padre Pio before I met her... she said that "she found me through him."
Long story.
See the thing is I don't go searching for her, I mean I'd love to email / call her and ask if "she is ok?" Though I've done NC for months and then we bumped into each other about 2 weeks ago and now this... I just keep asking myself "What's next?"

Update on everything.

So nothing has happened, we haven't contacted each other in close to 2 months. I know she is out partying 3-5 nights a week, struggling with her bills while I am training, working, and being who I am.

Am I better... far from it but I feel 50 times better than I did a couple months ago. I had to block her from Facebook so I couldn't see some pictures she was tagged in from our friends. Every time I saw her in pictures out in a club or a bar I got those anxiety pains in the chest that everyone on here probably has been getting.

Dating life... well I have been going out on dates and have been on 5 dates with this girl who was the complete opposite from my ex. She is a great girl but I still love my ex, so I know it's not fair to her... I don't want to end it and I know that maybe being with her will help me move on from my ex. I know that sounds completely wrong but I think it's the only way to get over her completely. Though I found out that one of her best friends gets her hair cut by a woman from her salon so it really freaked me out and I somewhat ruined the night just by saying to her "don't go there to get your hair cut." It just made things very awkward.

I don't think I'm ready to move on yet.

My ex told me the last time I bumped into her (may) that she tried dating but she was still in love with me. Then why hasn't she tried to contact me?

I still have some hope for us... why though? She left me @ my lowest point to party with her friends all the time. I stuck by her side from beginning to the end during her lowest of lows.

I'll be fine.

Stick with NC, and keep doing your thing, and you will be great. Your closer than you think, despite the random thoughts.

Hint: you don't have to love anyone you date, just have fun with them, and show them a good time.

Talaniman Rule- When your single date 'em all, short, fat, skinny, or tall, blind, cripple, or crazy, have a great time, and make sure they do to. Love ain't got nothing to do with it!!

Hey buddy! How are you? Well, I see.
Keep training, working, and being who you are. It sounds as if that was getting you somewhere. You were in the process of healing which is so darn hard isn't it? You say you think you're being unfair and don't want to end it with who you are dating now. Don't. You can be honest with her if you choose to but you already know you can't use someone for a band-aid. You know what I mean I hope. I know you are not using anyone. You may temporarily feel better but I could be wrong. Just trying to help. Now you say also that the x says she also tried to move on but is still in love with you? Wow! My buddy, that has got to be so darn confusing. It sounds like you both are struggling. I do not want to give you false hope but are you sure you tried (almost) everything? I wonder if this is a test and that maybe one or both of you will realize that you want to be with each other. Gosh, I sure do hope so cause I love a happy ending! It must be confusing to you though my buddy because she's/your ex telling you this. There is really no closure. You also wonder why she's not contacting you. Confusing I'll say. Maybe she feels that it would be more confusing or wondering the same but don't take my word. I just want to hear the outcome. A happy and healthy outcome. Do keep us posted.
Smiles at you...

EDIT... I just re-read your post again and hold on there sonny boy. (Smiles). You say you don't want to break it off with whom you are dating because it would seem unfair yet you think it's the only way to get over your ex. Then I recant. You may very well have to get over your ex FIRST before dating anyone. I don't believe that a new love will take the pain away. It's not genuine. At least it does not seem that way. Maybe a diversion but that's it. Be safe and we're thinking of you buddy.
Maybe your instincts are right and you're not ready to move on yet?
As far as Padre Pio... Interesting. I googled. Either way, don't give up hope. Like you say in the end of your last post, you will be fine. But we still want an update. Please be well!

So I have been thinking about my ex lately (dreaming about her every night, seeing little things that reminded me of her) so I decided to break NC and give her a call but she didn't answer but I didn't leave a message... then all of the sudden I noticed I had no anxiety, no hard feelings, no anything. I thought I would call, hear the voicemail and get very upset like I used to do. Now I think I just no that no matter what I would do, she won't give me a 2nd chance. Though she loves me, she won't pick up the phone... so what now?

But then I realized, why would I want someone like her? Our personalities were so different, I had my life together and she didn't. Though I loved her more than anything, in the long run a lot of people including HER parents said it wouldn't work because of her.

I honestly feel completely healed, and have grown from this situation, but do I now see if she has grown or do I move on with someone grown?

Hey there buddy. How are you doing? It sounds as though you are just fine but still have questions. Are you sure you're completely over it? Just asking because you may not have called her if you were. Then again it could simply be what you stated. If she had picked up the phone and you both talked, maybe you'd have your answer but I could be wrong. It's great that you feel completely healed and that you have grown. Usually when one person grows and the other hasn't, it won't work. You would want to be with someone on your level or on the same page so to speak. I'm not putting her down. It may have to do more now with compatibility than it has before. If you feel healthier you may not like how you feel anymore when/if you are around her again. You're the only one that will know that or feel that. It can't hurt to leave a message with her but I just hope it doesn't stir up any of those old/hurt feelings and put you a step or two back. Good luck either way and I know eventually you'll find love again whether it's with her or not.

So a while as gone by since I have talked, thought about, seen, etc about my ex.

Well last night she texted me and we talked for close to 3 hours. It started as "Hey I hope you are well" and I responded and after that she kept texting me.

I thought it would have been short but she kept saying that I always make her smile, and she laughs all the time when she thinks about certain things we did (all good things.)

It ended off with her recommending me a TV show that I should watch and to let her know if I like it. When I said "ok I will" she responded with "I hope you and I can be friends."

Now that is the confusing part? This is the same girl who didn't want anything to do with me the last couple of months, but was telling me she thinks about the good times, laughs, and smiles and now wants me to be friends with her?

So any answers would be nice right now. Do I just play it cool, and be friends with her and maybe time will tell?

A couple of suggestions would be nice.

Quick note : I have done no contact for months, I have improved my life and bettered myself in so many ways. Also I moved on by dating other girls and knowing what I want in my life when it comes to a gf/wife. Though I always have that what if in the back of my mind.

I am doing NC forever and there won't be a day that my ex and I will be friends. Just my opinion though.

I say go back to NC and never break it. And you shall find better.

So any answers would be nice right now. Do I just play it cool, and be friends with her and maybe time will tell?


Tell what? If she will take you back?

I hope you are paying attention as to how the confusion comes back, when you had contact with her.

If you wish to have less drama and less emotional energy wasted on this woman, then surge ahead with No Contact. Trust us, and your gut.

Talaniman - is there anyway I could PM you.

Sure just click on my name, but if its advice for a situation you're in, its best posted in the public forum.

Update:

Update: I asked her out to get coffee, she was all for it then backed down @ the last minute. Said she was really tired and had a few errands to run. Though this is the kicker... she said "I still have some of your things and never threw them out, but would like you to have them"

Now that really is confusing the hell out of me. For months you have had some of my things, never threw them out, but now you want me to have them?!

Still, my close friends thinks this is a ploy to still get me back, though now I'm leaning towards "she completely wants me out of her life."

That just ruined my day.

If you keep breaking the no contact rules, then you're just going to have to keep suffering. Every time you contact each other, you add to the confusion and prolong the healing process.

If she still has your stuff, then tell your friends to tell her to mail it to you. It's completely unnecessary to have any sort of communication with her.

Now that you've communicated, you've taken several steps back.

Agree with I wish.

I did this countless times, hence why I urge you to not communicate with her.

I know you want emotion, any kind of emotion from her will do. Please do not do this, as I type this I am dead serious.

I did this for four months while my ex slept with another guy, and now I'm a basket case.

DO NOT end up like another example of a loser like myself. Shoot for a week with NC, then when you reach that, try for another few days, then a few more etc...

Remember, do not run your body with your emotions in these types of situations, and you obviously are. It's not a sign of weakness, but a sign of desparation, which, naturally isn't attractive.

This will not improve, and I'm not just saying this to be a puppet.

So I haven't contacted or talked to my ex in months (almost a year of NC), then out of the blue she was texting me, asking me how am I doing, that she missed me, and thought about our relationship a lot while we weren't together. We talked for close to 3 hours one night and she ended the conversation with "I hope you and I can be friends." Right then and there I thought "She doesn't want me back." So even though I was confused for a bit I went on with my life.

A week later we met up to have coffee with one another and talked for another good 3 hours, like we never missed a beat with one another, and talked about our lives, how good things are and what places we are @ in our lives. Then she started talking about how she "needs to be alone" to get her life straitened out, and after me all the guys she has dated, there was something always lost with them but not with me.

At the end of the night we hugged, I kissed her on the forehead and said "I'll always be here for you, and I truly do care about you." We then went our separate ways.

A month goes by and I decide to call her just to let her know that I've been thinking about her and when I do I hear the same thing... she says "I've been thinking about you a lot too." I asked "Like what" and she goes "Just how we were, in the beginning, and during our relationship, I loved it, it was so natural and easy." SO then I asked "Well why don't we go out on a date, just you and me, maybe we can go see a movie?" Her response "No, we are friends, and I just want to be alone" but then she starts crying. She tells me things I have known about her past and the reason why she is afraid to restart something with me. Not because I was a bad guy, but because everything she touches crumbles. All I can tell her again is that I do care for her best interest and respect the decisions she is making in life.

A few minutes later she calls me and says "Can we go see a movie?" SO I say yes and we meet up a couple hours later to watch "Where the Wild things are." We both laughed, and both got teary eyed at the end and were shoulder to shoulder the majority of the movie. Later on she walked me to my car, gave me a hug and I told her "I missed you" and her response was "I know." When I tried looking at her and saying "Whatever the universe wants us to be" and she says "Friends" she gets very teary eyed, every single time.

Now this is the kicker, she text me tonight and says "would you like to come watch the world series game with me, and I said "Sure' and her response "I would like that just as friends." Why does she keep saying that? I know she wants to be friends with me, but she doesn't have to mention it to me 50 times a day? I haven't tried anything to make her think that I want more (even though I would love to date again, I know my boundaries.)

So key notes you fellow thread members can figure out for me.
She calls/text me after months of No Contact to tell me how great of a guy I am, and how she loved being in this relationship with me.
After another month of No Contact and she tells me she's been thinking about me a lot and how we were.
She keeps bringing up how she only wants to be friends with me because she needs to be alone.
She can't look me in the eye without crying.

Everyone is telling me she wants me back, that just give her time, she'll come around and I'm hardly worried about all of this. Having her in my life is good, and I do love her (always will) but I don't act the way she does towards me.

What do you people think I should do?

Stop breaking NC dude. She has no intentions of getting back with you. She is using you to feel good about herself and less guilty for the break up. She is using you as a friend with benefit.

What I think you should do is don't play any of her games if you can't be friend stop being around her and stop trying to get her back. Go back to NC and this time for good.