OK this story will be nothing new to this site I'm sure but bare with me. I was with this girl for about 10 months. A friend hooked me up with her after my pervious relationship of 3 yrs ended. We hardly ever fought at all but over the course of our 10 month relationship I broke up with her 3 times. 1st time I broke up with her was because she smoked weed and I didn't want her to be like her mom. Her mom is in her late 40's, renting a house, making $20.00+ a hr and can't pay her bills because she is so deep in drugs. I know I approached that situation wrong but I wanted her to know I was serious. The 2nd time she said I broke up with her but I never actually said it was when me her and a group of my friends were hanging out and a guy called her, they talked and when she got off the phone she told him shed loved him. That guy wasn't family of any sort. I said who was that and she said nobody. I got mad and left because I thought she was hiding something. The 3rd and most recent was about a month ago. I work at rite aid about 38 hours a week and go to school about 15 hours a week. Not counting home so I'm kind of busy to say the least. Anyway with all that work and school I was getting stressed and depressed and I hit a pretty bad low but I never showed my feelings around anyone. Me and 3 of my buddies left a bar at 4 am one morning and I called her after I dropped them off. I talked to her for a bit and got off the phone. I sent her a text saying that she annoyed me and a bunch of stuff I didn't really mean I just didn't want to admit to her that I was depressed and I thought she deserved somebody better that could handle stress unlike me. Had I told her that she woulndt have allowed the break up. OK that the story behind this. About 3 weeks after I broke up with her I began to miss her and I realized what I had done. I know 10 months isn't that long but I connected with her on a deep level. I told her I wanted her back and she said I wasn't trying so I started trying and then said that she didn't want to be with anyone because she had forgot who she was as a person a long time ago and she needed to figure out who she was so she could be happy with herself. She said she can't be happy with anybody until she's happy with herself. I asked her if after she found herself if there would be a chance for us and she said she doesn't know because she can't tell the future and she doesn't know how she will feel about me then. I don't know what to do I not want to loose this girl. I'm sorry this is so long. Any advice?
Thanks

Hmm difficult one,

First of all there should be no secrets, who was this guy on the phone?? And why did she refuse to tell you?

You need to talk to her and explain all that was happening with you (stress) and that the things you once said were not supposed to be said as they were not meant and that your sorry.

Its fair enough that she want s to "find herself" , that may be a good thing for both of you in the long run, but at the same time, when she is finally happy with herself all feelings for you may have gone,

But at the same time, if they have gone then it was never meant to be, and if it IS meant to be just wait a little while, it could end to be the best move for you AND her

Xx

The guy on the phone she said was one of her friends that she has known since she was little and she said she loved him like a brother and nothing more. When I realized what I had done I told her everything... that I didn't mean that and that I had been down and she wasn't annoying and that I was sorry. I told her everything and she still said that she needed to find herself. We live in Kentucky and she is talking about moving to Florida so she can find herself. I respect the fact that she needs time for herself I just hate to think that when she does find herself that her feelings towards me will be nonexisting you know? It just sucks knowing that this situation is my fault and it could have all been avoided if I just would have talked to her instead of thinking I didn't deserve her and pushed her away. Not sure what to do.
Thanks for your help nikki and anyone else that replys

she didn't want to be with anyone because she had forgot who she was as a person a long time ago and she needed to figure out who she was so she could be happy with herself. She said she can't be happy with anybody until she's happy with herself. I asked her if after she found herself if there would be a chance for us and she said she doesn't know because she can't tell the future and she doesn't know how she will feel about me then.

She is giving you the only answer she possibly can,She can't predict the future and she she can't predict her feelings.

I believe if she wanted to be with you now,she would be making an effort to find herself and try to include you in that journey ,at some level.

I think your judgment of her is perhaps a bit too much and you should know that there are some things about a person you have to accept and if you can't then you move on and stay moved on.

Maybe she does not want to commit to someone who is judging her every move and breaking up over nonsense.

Give her her space.She knows you are in the wings waiting and if she needs you she will call.If you feel you can hold out hope for something that may or may not happen,do so, but you may just be wasting your time.

I think the both of you had some immature tactics. You stated you broke it off with her 3 times during the 10 months the two of you wer together but yet your got along well with no arguments. Then why did you break up with her? I think communication was lacking and rash decisions was made of impulse.

First off, if you can't stand someone habit then you can't make them change it unless they're willing to give it up. And yes to me smoking weed isn't a good one.

Now she wants the break to be permanent and go find herself well let her. You can make someone want to be with you and you need to find yourself too. You need to know what you want out of a relationship and have more open communication instead of keeping things bottle in. Don't said or do something that your going regret later. Know what you want from whoever you get involve with and what your willing to put in. In a relationship your going have your up and downs along with your happy and sad moments but whatever problems you have you and your partner work together as a team. Besides your partner being label your girlfriend she should be your best friend as well.

OK...
I agree with the above posts that you were immature and need to have more open communication..

I think your biggest problem was that you overreact, get angry, and then leave... how can you solve anything with that type of behavior? Just try to relax...

Because your girl said that she needs time to find herself and that she might not get back together with you after she finds her self, I suggest you keep in contact with her (like twice a week or so) to let her know that you are around and that you care for her... Girls love little tiny actions.. so every once in a while do a small romantic gesture.. (that is if your still trying to get back together with her)... this might increase your chances of getting her back...
I don't know if this is true but I think when a girl says that she is going to look for herself and doesn't know whether you 2 are going to get back together usually means she needs time to figure out what you mean to her and if she indeed has feelings for you that are worth keeping the relationship going on.. (atleast that is what it means to me) and it can also mean that she doesn't want to get back together with you, but in a polite way...

So my advice is like what I mentioned above, have open communication and don't just get up and leave, keep in contact with her and do a sweet thing once in a while (and keep them going if you guys get back together)... and don't take out your stress on her by being rude...

You thinking she doesn't deserve you because you are stressed is causing you to actually make things worth... Its only human to be stressed, and since you are working and studying it is more acceptable for you to be stressed since we all know how tiring it can be... dont be ashamed of it..

Hey, is there any other reason why she wants to move to Florida? Because what if her moving to Florida is the reason why she wants to break up with you?. like what if she thinks her future is in Florida?. I don't know much about your situation so I'm probably wrong...

Really, I agree with nikkiharms3 when she said this is a "difficult one"...

Goodluck!

I agree with everyone that said I was immature I totally agree. When we were together she said that she meant I meant the world to her and she loved me so much so I just don't understand this. I mean I know its my fault and I caused this situation. I'm not sure if she thinks her future could lie in Florida I never thought of it that way. I know that she is a very independent person and I always admired her for that. What kind of sweet things should I do though? I've thought about that too but she doesn't like flowers... I def want her to know that I still care but I can't wait forever. I agree with artlady. If she really wanted me she would be in a hurry to find herself. I asked her if I could help with that and she said no because you can't find yourself with somebody else because that wouldn't be really finding yourself. Witch makes sense. I don't know I guess I'm kind of still in shock because of all the times I broke up with her and she took me right back and she didn't this time. I've spent a lot of sleepless nights trying to find the right thing to say or do to get her back but nothing comes to mind. I really don't know what I should do. Should I give up and try to move on? Should I keep reminding her that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere? I don't want to seem pathetic but I feel empty. Is that normal?
Thanks again everyone

I'm going through the same thing man... and yes it hurts ,others are out here hurting as well... but at the same time you have to carry one with your life... I broke up with mine all the time and she always came back... and I always over reacted... the best thing I think and this is what I'm doing NOW is don't contact her at all,let her contact you and when she does don't ask about it let her ask you and you just answer from your heart.. if she wants you she will come back... I told mine I realized where I had been screwing up and she said she believed me and knew I loved her and she knew it would be better if we got back together... but YOU have to stick to your guns... make sure she knows exactly how you feel and what you want and if she calls you try not to sound needy... if she doesn't come back then its best to cut your losses and walk away...

The best advice I have read on here is ours girls are not our life they are great additions top our life but we must carry on... find stuff to keep you busy and it'll work out the way it was meant to..


And no matter what happens...
Don't blame yourself and have
NO REGRETS

dsmhero1280 you have a lot of good advice. My biggest regret to date is taking her for granted. I was an idiot and I do blame myself because she was always loving caring and always there. She didn't care what we did just as long as she could be with me and I didn't notice any of that until now. I've been trying for about a week to get her back and her answer is the same. She doesn't want to be with anybody. I don't know why but its so hard for me to accept that answer even though I know I have to. I would regret not trying to get her back... I don't know what to do honestly. Everything is kind of in chaos right now

She is gone dude. If she really wanted to be with you, then she would be. She's probably thinking, hey this guy broke up with me 3 times, I'm disposable to him. She's giving you the run around. I got this for 1.5 months. My break up was 2 months ago. I spoke with my ex yesterday and I made her feel like the morbid person with no feelings that she is. She treated me like crap and I made that clear to her. She ended up crying because the truth hurts. I made her feel so bad she wanted to pay me back all the times I took her out! And told me if she could give me the "time i wasted 9 months of lies and deceit relationship" she would. That's what I told her. That she wasted my time with her lies and deceit for 9 months. And now she does not hold her head up high like she used to. Goodriddance

Sorry to say she is tired of your behavior, and wants nothing to do with you any more.

Give yourself some time to figure it out, and do better next time.