What should I do?
Me and my ex have been together for a while now. We have been together for about 1 year but before that both of us have been secretly liking each other. I have known her for about 5 years now. Recently well not recently this situation happened a while back but a guy from her high school years came back into her life and confessed his love to her all of a sudden. She haven't talked to him much in high school although they were still friends but recently he has been around her a lot lately. I met her through and online game and we spent countless hours talking to each other every single day. We live very far away and we have been in a long distance relationship ever since the beginning. I would say about 5 hours away. The first time I met her in person was when she came to my city on a vacation with her family so I took the effort to go see her. This was before when we agreed to be together. We have seen each other a few times more after that although we can't see each other that frequently I would say maybe around 4 times more but each time was the whole weekend. I was her first boyfriend and she was mine but I told her she wasn't my first girlfriend the whole time and recently I told her I was and that was when she broke up with me. But at that time that guy had already confessed to her and she was telling me how she was unsure about who she wants to be with. Anyway when she told me that she was confused of who she wants to be with, that was when I told her she was my first girlfriend and told her the truth and that made her thought everything we've been through was a lie even though I told her I have not lied about anything else which is the truth. But I don't think that was the reason she broke up with me because as been in a long distance relationship I did all the typical things such as being too needy and not wanting her to hang out with her guy friends or I make her feel guilty that she would rather hang out with them instead of talking to me on the computer. I also kind of made her drive all the way here to see me even though she was new at driving and her sister and roommates told her it was really dangerous but she still did. I guess my reason was its because we've waited for so long to being able to be together but we can't do anything before but now we can. But yah she drove a few times and than she thought how ridiculous it was and it was too dangerous so she stopped. For christmas break I wanted her to come back with me to my home town but she couldn't because of her parents and how they are not suppose to know that she is dating. That was when that guy confessed to her. She started to hang out with her friends more and started to ignore me. I did the text message terrorism asking where she is all the time and who she is with. And a few days after she told me she was confused of who she wanted to be with and as time went by, she started to hang out with him more and more and talked to him more and hanged out with her friends now. I begged her to come back and promised I would change but its not working…

Anyway last time I talked to her she told me she was confused who she wanted to be with and she told me she would be the one that would make her happiest. Since he lives closer to her and they get to be with each other more I think she would end up choosing him. She told me that she would wait for me to be able to be with her before she makes her decision because right now it wouldn't be fair. Basically I think she is torn between both guys but she has never been his girlfriend before and not now yet at least I think. I haven't talked to her for 3 days now and it is so hard because I try to implement no contact but I told her that I needed some space to think. The truth is I love her so much and I am willing to do anything for her. So right now I'm not exactly sure what to do? Should I keep implementing no contact like what I'm doing now? I haven't sent her the second chance letter yet should I do that? What should I do after all of this? I'm afraid if I implement no contact I would lose her for good because that guy would just be there for her when I'm actually out of her life. I was her first boyfriend and we lost our virginity to each other I don't know if that means anything but she told me she didn't regret it because she knows she's going to be with me forever but this was all before this situation happened. She told me I would have to find myself right now and she's not sure whether me and her would be together and I could tell she really likes the other guy as well. She said she doesn’t think our personality matches and recently she’s been really close to the other guy. Should I fight for her or just learn to let it go. She means everything to me and I don’t want to let her go though. I want to end up with her. What should I do guys? T_T I haven’t talked to her for about a week now. I don’t know what's going in her life anymore and I'm using the no contact rule. Im confused about my feelings for her now because I want someone to love me and only me and appreciate me and be loyal to me but at the same time I want that girl to be that person. To me it seems like she’s already made her choice to be with that guy because she has been really close to him lately. Any advice?

Learn to use paragraphing and proper spacing you will get alot more answers.

You are inexperienced with managing a relationship and a long distance one is even harder for the most mature and experienced partners. She is your first, and guess what, she is also your first break up.


I don't know what's going in her life anymore and I'm using the no contact rule.
The lines of good honest communications are broken, because of distance, and she is not willing to work with you in this regard. That's a really big problem, and shows she does want what you do, at this time.

I'm confused about my feelings for her now because I want someone to love me and only me and appreciate me and be loyal to me
We all want that, that's natural and human.

but at the same time I want that girl to be that person.
There is the rub, you fail to see she doesn't want to be the one for you so back off, leave her alone, and give yourself some time for the emotional dust to settle, and let NC work to heal you, and see the reality of your situation.

The relationship is over, and its time to regroup, and let go.

Sorry for your loss.

She was your first serious girlfriend and you will always remember her, but it doesn't look good at this point. I think it's better to move on and find a girl who lives closer. Long distance is really tough.

Threads merged


Hey guys I have been in no contact with my ex for a week now. Last time we talked about a week ago was the situation that she doesn't know who she wants to be with. There are 2 guys me and the "other guy". She told me she wanted to give him a try because she's gave me one already.

She also said that she would wait for me. I don't know if she will ever. We're in a long distance relationship and he lives closer to her and she has been with him a lot lately and getting really close. I've become from everything to her to nothing to her now. Her priorities have shifted and now her "friends" and that "guy" is what her priority is focused on now.

I believe I still love her. At first no contact is really hard but it has gotten easier now. The thing is now I want someone who would want to be with me and love only me no one else. But the thing is I want her to be that person but I'm not sure if she will ever be. I still think of her some times and I could picture spending my life with her but I don't know if that's going to happen anymore...

How I see it is that she has already made a decision to be with him the day she broke up with me and I'm not going to be there for her as a friend since I'm not good enough to be her boyfriend anymore. I still want to be with her and I think its going to get harder again after a while because I've been with her for so long and she's my first love and the first girl I've "been" with intimately.

Right now I'm just waiting to see what happens but I believe that she is going to just end up with that guy. I don't get how he just confesses and after being with her for so long she just breaks up with me and forgot everything I did for her. I guess she never really love me. Anyway I'm not sure what to do right now. Should I just keep no contacting her?

I've did all the typical things that made me seem desperate already. I've begged, texted her a lot and called her a lot be4 I put no contact into place. Lots of people told me to move on but I'm afraid I won't be able to love anymore. The more time I've spent away from her the further I drift from her like I don't need her anymore but I don't think I won't be able to forget her completely ill always be wondering about the what ifs...

Anyway what do you guys/gals think? Any opinions or advice is appreciated. THANKS IN ADVANCE!

We all wonder for a while and then when we are far enough away we realize that everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know at the time what that reason is.

Maybe she will come back in time and you will find that with your perspective back in place that you don't want a women who walks away from a relationship so easily.

More than likely she won't come back but you will learn from you experience, you will heal and you will know yourself better for it and have learned more of what you are looking for in your next girlfriend. You will love again, but you aren't meant to love again right this second.

Either way NC is the best way to give yourself the time to heal and the perspective you need to make your decision without a clouded head.

Keep your head up, you will make it through this a stronger and more self confident person.

Yep I agree. I just thought we had more than that you know? I thought she was the one and we planned out our lives together and everything.

I just don't know what to do nowadays. I have so much extra time now that I don't talk to her anymore and I kind of feel scared for the future because I don't know what now.

Because before when me and her was together I actually had something to look forward to but life seems so unpredictable now and I don't know what to do. I guess it was always unpredictable. Lol I don't know if that makes sense its hard putting it in words.

just thought we had more than that you know?

Of course you did. As did everybody else who was experienced a painful breakup.


I thought she was the one and we planned out our lives together and everything.

That's the thing.. You were blueprinting your future, therefor, ignoring what was in front of you.


I have so much extra time now that I don't talk to her anymore and I kind of feel scared for the future because I don't know what now.

Learn from the past, live in the present, and don't fear the future.

Now that you have so much time, how about donating some of it to a good cause? Perhaps you can view the perspective of someone with substantial problems.

Yea when you break up, a lot of your plans get shifted away and it's like a fresh new start. You should be excited. But if you feel like you have a lot of free time, you should go out and do some activities, sports, etc.

As for the pain, it will get easier and easier as the days go on. You might still think about her here and there, but like you said, it's your first love she you will never really forget completely. Since you guys live so far, it will also be easier to get over her.

Threads merged.............again.

Okays so yah me and my ex broke up recently from a long distance relationship we've been in for 2 years and I've put no contact into place to try to find myself and heal and do some thinking. Its been just a little more than a week now. My ex has two guys in her life me and the "other guy" and when I was with her he confessed to her and now she's all confused and broke up with me.

They have been spending more time together since he lives closer together. And it hurts me a lot. I just did something really really stupid I went onto her profile on Facebook and I saw pics of him and her holding hands >_< my heart is starting to hurt again... the whole week of no contact seemed like it was a waste and now I'm back to feeling the heartaches again just when I thought I was getting better. I guess I'm not completely over her and I still love her.

Anyway, I'm thinking of going to see her this weekend and tell her that I still love her and want to be with her but there's no room for 2 guys in her life so if she decides to keep him I'm going to walk out of her life for good and forever because it hurts me too much to see them together. It seems like she is trying to hold onto 2 guys at the same time. Is that really a good move or should I keep on to the no contact?

Hey,

I really feel the way you are feeling right now, cause I found out some news about my ex and the new girl he likes and I felt like I was going to die. It is just too unreal that they are together, I totally don't understand how he can love someone else in such a short time. But we just have to face the fact that they don't love us anymore. I'm sure we all try to think that they must have some feelings left for us, or they'll still remember the whatever thing we did together... I guess we all just want to grasp on to something that will make us feel better.

But the truth always hurt right? That pic that you saw is more than real.. and as much as you don't want to accept the fact that she's moving on.. u'll just have to. It's really hard for me to accept this too... I still cry every night... and I miss him like crazy... and just the thought of him liking someone else or talking to someone else on the phone at night.. makes me go crazy. But, I'm still going to try to not contact him... I think this is for the best.

But if you must go find her for some closure... then go ahead... but set a limit for yourself so you don't keep going back!

Good luck~

NO! Stick to NC and continue to treat this as a break up and go out and enjoy your life. Forget about her relationship with you as you currently do not have one. I will tell you right now, you go visit her this weekend you will be back Monday saying "how stupid you were"

I fear you are trying to do some type of "Hollywood" love trick on her... this ain't Hollywood, and life ain't the movies. Do not go make a fool of yourself. Save your pride and start focusing on yourself. You are delusional if you think anything like this would work. I also don't know where you get off saying she is "holding on to two guys," as it seems you are the only one holding on to her... it appears she is moving on with her life. I know it sucks, but it's the truth.

And, get rid of her Facebook!! I have done similar things such as that, and curiosity kills that cat my friend.

A week?? You've been broken up for a week and she is already posting pictures with another guy on her Facebook? Yikes...

Facebook - as much as I love it - is the WORST thing for breakups. As KC said, get rid of it. Don't even check yours - the status feed will keep you "updated" on her life... and that will drive you nuts.

Hon, I know it hurts, but keep up with the NC. NC isn't a means to an end to get back the girl. It is a time-tested way to heal your own heart. Keep healing. Keep going.

You can make it.

None12345- Unfortunately man she has already moved on. Seeing a picture of her holding hands with this 'new guy' should be the closure you need to start letting go, NC, and healing. Like others said you going to see her will just tear into your own heart. Don't do it. Unfortunately when someone doesn't want you, they don't even want your actions or kind gestures either. If they ever miss you, or want you back.. then they will offer to listen, hear what you have to say, and give you that chance. Until then.. it's done.

Facebook? I'll tell you something funny.. I heard that my ex was looking at my "Status/away msgs" on facebook/myspace. Do you know every night I spent 1/2 hour changing my away messages hoping I could make it something that "impacted" her decision about us? Sad... - or just a broken heart. I thought for a split second that the talks with her in person, the huge letters, the talks with her family, etc would be over-run by a single away message on the computer. It's called denial, and its part of healing..
Delete Facebook, myspace, etc.. Until you have healed enough to where it doesn't hurt you when you look.

Thumper.

I am uncertain about deleting your Facebook account. People are suggesting this because you cannot control your emotions. But, had you deleted your account, you would not have known that she's very public about her new relationship. In other words, she is indirectly showing you that she has moved on. This is the type of closure that you need to move on with your life.

You don't need to delete her account, but you can delete her from your "friends" list. It won't do any good to constantly go on there and see updates of her moving on. Create your own closure, don't wait on it to happen from someone else.

Okay guys ill delete her from my friends list so I can stop checking. You're right I do need closure but I'm not sure if I have it yet. Do you guys know any way of finding closure? Maybe one last confrontation? A letter explaining how I completely feel? Its just I didn't have the lets never see each other again or I will never love you from her yet. Maybe that's what I need but thanks for helping me out.

Write your letter and post it on AMHD. You'd be amazed at how many people actually do it. It helps with the healing and letting go process, but also doesn't give in to your "one last contact" tendencies.

Or, if you don't feel like you can post it on here, write it out on a paper. I would even go so far as to say write it and then destroy it. Kind of like that Friends episode where they threw all of their old boyfriend's things in a pot and set it on fire. It's a liberating experience. I did it - not with fire, just threw it all away! :)

Clean breaks are the best. Believe me, I know.

Lol haha I saw that friends episode. Speaking of friends do you know how ross and rachel ended up together in the end?? In that case they had contact so I guess it really depends if you want your ex back or not to put no contact into place neh?

Actually, that episode was the single, solitary episode that I watched of that series. I was going through a rough break up and someone made me watch it.

I needed to hear that principle. That states "when it's over, you have to believe that it is over before you can really, truly heal." Then, once you get rid of the "ex stuff" hunky firemen will come ;)

Seriously though, the best way to move on is to truly move on. Not hold on to hopes and wishes that you'll get back together, because that is just a false sense of happiness.

Truly, completely, honestly move on. Start now - decide that you're really going to move on. It's a mental decision, every moment.

And, pretty soon, you'll realize that you really have moved on - and that you can look back on the relationship with a smile for the good times.

I wish you the best.

Hey guys appreciate everything you guys said and I can see where you are getting at and you guys are probably right that ill regret this but I think this weekend I'm going to go see her and ask her who she wants to be with and that there's no room for 2 guys in her life. And if she wants to be with the other guy ill just stay out of her life because it would hurt me to see them together.

I think I need closure so I can finally accept it and it would be easier to heal and move on after all she was my first love so its going to be really hard. I just don't think we can just end things like this without things being settled. Im still deciding whether my love for her is true and if I would fight for her to the end or not. What do you guys think?

Just wanted to update you guys... Thanks Again

I think I will regret it even more if I don't do whatever I can and maybe I can find my peace easier if things don't work out for me to know that I did everything I could.

Don't do anything for or to her anymore. Ive done it all, and it just makes you seem weak! Trust me on this I did everything wrong for 2 months. I texted, emailed, drunk dialed, showed up, letters blah blah etc etc. Do something to get your mind off her, like take a trip or visit an old friend. I broke NC 8 times!! And its been 2 months and all its done was put me in the same cycle of ups and downs. Id be great one day, then contacted her, then I feel like I'm back at square one. I did this for 2 months dude. Its not healthy, She's with someone else, she's moved on. Disappear and make her miss you, if she comes back that's up to you whether to take her back, I wouldn't especially if she's with someone else after a week and streaming it to the world on Facebook. That to me shows she has no respect for you, treat her the same way. If you show up and see her its only going to hurt you more. I had to pick up my stuff from her house, damn that hurt. Don't go and see her you will regret it!! I felt the same way you did, you would rather try and fail than not try at all, but ITS NOT WORTH IT!! I KNOW. I JUST DEALT WITH THE Same SITUATION! And your not going to get the outcome your looking for, otherwise she'd still be with you, you cannot change her mind. And trying will only make her angrier that you are trying to change her mind.

Dont do anything for or to her anymore. Ive done it all, and it just makes you seem weak! Trust me on this i did everything wrong for 2 months. I texted, emailed, drunk dialed, showed up, letters blah blah etc etc. Do something to get your mind off her, like take a trip or visit an old friend. I broke NC 8 times!!! and its been 2 months and all its done was put me in the same cycle of ups and downs. Id be great one day, then contacted her, then i feel like im back at square one. I did this for 2 months dude. Its not healthy, Shes with someone else, shes moved on. Dissapear and make her miss you, if she comes back thats up to you whether or not to take her back, i wouldnt especially if shes with someone else after a week and streaming it to the world on facebook. That to me shows she has no respect for you, treat her the same way. If you show up and see her its only going to hurt you more. I had to pick up my stuff from her house, damn that hurt. Dont go and see her you will regret it!!!!!! I felt the same exact way you did, u would rather try and fail than not try at all, but ITS NOT WORTH IT!!!!!I KNOW. I JUST DEALT WITH THE SAME EXACT SITUATION! and your not going to get the outcome your looking for, otherwise she'd still be with you, you cannot change her mind. And trying will only make her angrier that u are trying to change her mind.

Yah dewd I know what you mean. Maybe if I fill you in with more details too see if it matters. Basically she wants me to tell her about how I really feel about her and I told her I rather do this in person than IM or on the phone. Originally I thought about just sending a letter because she is not worth going so far for anymore because of what she did. I feel betrayed but I still have feelings for her and I wish things with her would end up well. I've been in no contact for more than a week now and I starting to heal and feel like I don't need her in my life anymore. But I still feel a part of me is missing

But I still have feelings for her and I wish me and her would end up well together. I feel like things aren't settled yet and I need closure in order to move on and heal healthily. She said she would make time for me this weekend if I come. She said she needs to know how I feel and think and says it might make a difference. Notice the word "might" I just don't get it... how can she be with someone so fast after breaking up with her first love, Me. What about true love? If you love someone truly and deeply you would do anything for them? You would fight for them to the very end? I would do that but only if that guy is not in her life because it hurts me too much to see them together.

And I need some answers before I can make a decision to fight for her to the very end or its time to let go. I would rather do this in person. So basically what I'm saying is I'm looking for closure. And I talked to some of my friends and they say if you don't try your best right now then you might regret it for the rest of your life but if you tried your best and she doesn't end up with you at least you won't have any regrets because you tried your best? What do you think about this? Do you believe in it? Anyway so yah that's what's going on now.

I did that, and it did nothing but sink me in a deeper hole. Say you tried right? And things didn't go your way, then all of a sudden you're thinking, "i dont think that was my best, lemme try again". Then you get into the "what if's"... What if I said this instead of that.. and depending on how persistent you are it's a cycle that will have you bleeding out of your heart. She should know how you feel, but telling her will only give her the upper hand. You tell her you love her and that you want her to "choose" which guy she wants. If she chooses the other guy and it doesn't work out... are you going to be her new doormat? I was a few days to proposing to my ex. We were a few weeks from moving away to start our new life. She haunts me, everything from my clothes, my truck, my school was all a positive result of her. I cannot escape from her, and I love her but she doesn't want to be with me anymore. Says she "lost interest" in me, right after she was losing her house, we both lost our jobs and spent the last 2 weeks together at her place. You can't tell her, she just needs to realize. Plus you chase a girl, they run away, but if you let them be, surely but slowly they will come back. I still have feelings for my girl, I loved her. But she has no feelings for me which is sad and makes me depressed to the bone. She wants to see how high you will jump for her, save your dignity... do not see her

i did that, and it did nothing but sink me in a deeper hole. Say u tried right? and things didnt go your way, then all of a sudden youre thinking, "i dont think that was my best, lemme try again". Then you get into the "what if's"....What if i said this instead of that..., and depending on how persistent you are its a cycle that will have you bleeding out of your heart. She should know how you feel, but telling her will only give her the upper hand. You tell her you love her and that you want her to "choose" which guy she wants. If she chooses the other guy and it doesnt work out...are you going to be her new doormat? I was a few days to proposing to this girl. We were a few weeks from moving away to start our new life. This girl haunts me, everything from my clothes, my truck, my school was all a positive result of her. I cannot escape from her, and i love her but she doesnt want to be with me anymore. Says she "lost interest" in me, right after she was losing her house, we both lost our jobs and spent the last 2 weeks together at her place. You can't tell her, she just needs to realize. Plus you chase a girl, they run away, but if you let them be, surely but slowly they will come back. I still have feelings for my girl, i loved her. but she has no feelings for me which is sad and makes me depressed to the bone. She wants to see how high you will jump for her, save your dignity...do not see her

Awww sorry to hear about that girl. You had it worse than me you guys were about to move away together. What happened after? How did you cope with it? How have you been ever since? Are you still thinking of her or have you found someone new?

Okay yea you are right it is just going to become a cycle with full of heartaches along with it. Ever I stopped contacting her the heartaches are gone now and I feel better but I still miss her here and there and I feeel like a part of me is missing without her in my life. She is kind of expecting me so do I blow her off and tell her I can't come? But this time when I do go and she decides to go with the other guy I will tell myself not to go back. But I don't know if I can follow through with it.

She does want to see how high I am willing to jump for her. She said who ever jumps for her the highest is the person she is going to be with. But that's the thing I'm not going to be compared to this other guy. Im going to tell her I'm walking out of her life forever if she picks him originally when I decided to go. I don't feel like I should be compared. She told the other guy that she wants to hear what I have to tell her first before she can make a decision of who she wants to be with when clearly she wants to be with him. So why is she doing this? Why can't she come out and tell me I'm not the one she wants to be with? That would be a lot easier for me to accept and for me to move on instead of just keeping me here saying there's a "chance" ill end up with her.

I just feel like I need some closure. If not a last confrontation is there any other way I can find one and leave things unsettled? Anyway what do you think about this?? Thanks for replying.

I am still not over my ex. When I lose someone like that so close to me, ill never get over it and I never will, I am still learning how to deal with it. She was everything I was looking for in a person, looks, wits and everything in between. I would do anything to be with her again.
I have not looked for anyone as I am not over her, its not healthy for me, not fair to the new person if I have not healed and moved on. I am still coping with it. There is a huge void that cannot be filled by anyone but her, or solely repaired by me. I went to the Caribbean to do volunteer work to make me feel good about myself. It was great until my thoughts caught up to me, and I cut my trip short 2 weeks.
Now your situation... I don't mean to be rude when I say this but you have both become her monkeys at the circus. Whoever does a trick gets the banana. You're letting her size which one of you she wants.I know my ex isn't with someone but she's gorgeous and I'm sure someone will come along soon and shell be swept away. You have closure buddy, she's with someone else and you've decided to give her a chance to choose which one of you she wants. Don't show her that you're willing to be picked out of a crowd. You are unique... one in six billion, and if she can't see that then its her loss. I say blow her off, honestly. She has no respect for you or the other guy if she's willing to choose between the 2 of you and let you both be aware of it. Don't give her that choice. Just walk away, say nothing to her, don't show up. Do not give her the satisfaction of crushing you or showing you that you are below her.

We are both here for the same reason. The ex broke up with us and we are searching for answers. I was in your position and I didn't get all the advice I needed until it was too late. I see you are taking the same destructive path I chose. It doesn't end well padre, seriously consider I was there, a month ago trying to reason with her and see that I try to show her, blah blah blah. It does nothing.

Dewd I know what you mean and how you feel because I feel exactly like how you feel this girl is the girl of my dreams cept that girl in my dreams loves me but if I could get her to than she would be that girl.

I was thinking of showing up and telling her it is time to pick me or him and if she picks him ima leave forever do you think that's a good idea? Its her last chance to be with me and I'm ready to move on even though ill still love her and want to be with her.

Dewd do you have msn maybe we can talk about it more there?

You cannot force someone to love you. It has to come naturally between 2 people. Again you are letting her pick, this is not a good idea. From my point of view it's a lose lose situation for you. So she picks the other guy? You walk home with your tail between your legs. So she picks you? You go home with her, on her leash. Could you be with someone who had already gotten together with someone else so quickly after 1 week. You have a LDR with this girl. Can you trust her now if your back together? Especially if now that she's done it once already to you? This guy is much closer than you are to her physically... what makes you say she'll only be with you and not him as well? I told my ex she's making a big mistake and that shell regret it. Women know what they are doing when they do something. She stuck to her decision... big mistake, and her loss. I do not have msn. Its 3 am where I live, I can't sleep because I'm not sleeping next to the woman of my dreams like I used to. She threw away the 2 years you guys had in 1 week. Is that someone with commitment? I am trying to help you, do not make the same mistakes I did.

I was thinking of showing up and telling her it is time to pick me or him
Don't make me laugh, she has already made her choice and told you about it.

and if she picks him ima leave forever do you think that's a good idea?
Great idea, she she has already picked him, sorry.

its her last chance to be with me
Her actions speak louder than words and if you think your going to scare her into changing her mind... your very wrong, so don't humiliate yourself.

and I'm ready to move on even though ill still love her and want to be with her.

Then do so, without the drama, than will bring you misery and pain, and humiliation.


Is that really a good move or should I keep on to the no contact?I was

This is a lousy idea borne in desperation and shock. She has been looking around for a long time, but never told you about it, so she is fine at this time with moving on.

Its only been a week, your emotions are still high and your hurt feelings are still raw. Let the dust settle before you act on emotion and impulse, as you don't need closure, you just want one more act of desperation to get what you had. Its like that Hail Mary pass at the end of the game for the winning touchdown. While I saw it work once, it usually fails.

All the closure you need is in disappearing from her life, and regrouping, and rebuilding. That's a big job, so leave her alone, and get started.

Why do you need to be rejected twice, before you get it??

I don't know everything just seems so hard everyone is telling me the same thing to stop contacting her and being her life and I know they are right its just I really don't know what to do anymore...

You are not her life anymore, its simple but you cannot see the picture because your mind is clouded by her and your thoughts of her. Dude you sound really young, you should really find a girl closer to you and have fun

Have fun, without finding the girl! Why complicate your life any more?? I swear, being single is more fun than you can imagine, just hard to see that right now.

Hehe I'm not that young I'm getting older I'm almost 20 its almost time to settle down with a girl now. Do you guys think I should just forget about her and move on? Try to find another girl that will love me? Or still fight for her if I believe it is true love?

Almost 20 isn't time to settle down. Shoot you can't even drink yet or bar hop, wait until you are about 27-28 yo to settle down! YOU HAVE PLENTY OF TIME.

Lol I guess I wanted to find the love of my life really fast and than spend the rest of my life with her I planned to get married at 24 lol but I guess that's not going to happen. I've learned its good to go outside it's a beautiful day today it just cheers up your mood. But whenever I think of her it just ruins my day... maybe there's another reason I should learn to let go on this one

maybe there's another reason I should learn to let go on this one

Learn to make adjustments when a plan doesn't come together
Learn to cope with your feelings, all of them
Learn some self control
Learn more about yourself
Be responsible for your own happiness
Be more aware of what goes on around you
When life knocks you down... get back up... or drown in your own shat!


That will get you started. The list is very long. Oh, 20 is pretty young to me.

What's the rush, brother? Come on man. Life shouldn't be that stressful. You need to loosen up and learn to let go. It's not nearly as easy as I'm making it out to be. But, trust me when I say, we've all been through this, and we'll all survive. Hang in there.

Yup yup thanks for the advice guys. But how do you know when to let go or fight for it because people tell me when you really love someone you would fight for them to the very end? That's what's bothering me right now

It will be clear to you, I fought and lost and I wish I didn't go through with it. When the circumstances are telling you what's up then you will know

yup yup thanks for the advice guys. but how do you know when to let go or fight for it because people tell me when you really love someone you would fight for them to the very end? thats whats bothering me right now

I just finished my fight and I lost. But you know what, now that I look back, it didn't matter how hard I tried in the end, it's either going to happen or it's not. Our efforts can be fruitless. I don't believe that it should be such a painful process.

I just finished my fight and I lost. But you know what, now that I look back, it didn't matter how hard I tried in the end, it's either gonna happen or it's not. Our efforts can be fruitless. I don't believe that it should be such a painful process.

Do you regret fighting for it though? Because now it's a little easier because you know you did everything you could?

That would be a very bad move. BAD

Yes, keep up with no contact.

Seeing her on Facebook was bad enough, right?

Seeing her face to face, with his face... BAD

This does get better. You'll see. That's why they call it "first" love. It's not your last.

Do you regret fighting for it though? because now its a little easier because you know you did everything you could?

I did what I could with what I was given and she did not reciprocate. So if she doesn't reciprocate, then there's no point to keep trying... so in that sense, I did not do everything I could have... but I don't have any regrets cause at least I tried.

Actually guys the more I think about the more I can't do this anymore. I can't be a puppy waiting around anymore and I can't just be her new doormat like everyone said. She's different now to me.

She thinks she has the upper hand when clearly I should be the one with it and if she wants to be with me this time she has to earn that chance not the other way around. Anyway so yah I told her I would come this weekend to talk but that was like 3 weeks ago before I started no contact and I guess she is kind of expecting me?

You know what... everyone's encouraging the no contact rule for you, but it doesn't work for everyone. You've made it clear that you feel like there's still more that you want to do. So if you don't do it now, then you're going to regret it later.

So maybe confronting her so that she can shoot you down face-to-face is exactly what you need.

Do what you have to do so that you can accept that you need to move on.

You know what... everyone's encouraging the no contact rule for you, but it doesn't work for everyone. You've made it clear that you feel like there's still more that you want to do. So if you don't do it now, then you're going to regret it later.

So maybe confronting her so that she can shoot you down face-to-face is exactly what you need.

Do what you have to do so that you can accept that you need to move on.

Yah that is exactly what my friend is telling me and he's pissed at me cause he thinks I am so stupid because of the no contact rule he thinks it is stupid. Its really now or never if I get the girl or I don't. I decided to go see her this weekend and to talk things out. Though everyone is telling me I will regret it later but to me I think I will regret it even more knowing I didn't fight for her till the very end. Maybe I am not at the stage of no contact yet. I think I need solid face to face closure before I can apply the no contact rule. I really do want to know how she feels about me if she still has feelings for me or not. The other guy is always there listening to her and I think I am just pushing her further away by applying the no contact rule.

I think she wants to see who would fight for her. People tell me not to chase her or be her puppy. But I think its time to put my pride aside and go for what I want. My friend is telling me not to base my relationship on what people tell me. He says its more than that and I can't afford to lose her because of it. Chances are you guys are right. I might end up regretting to go see her this weekend but I feel like its something I have to do before there is nothing left in the relationship at all. I know I might seem stubborn and young but I do know what I feel for her is real. Its like I'm going into the war and fight for her even though I might end up losing but I know at least I tried my best.

My friend told me that she is still confused of what she wants because she told me she wants to hear what I have to say to her this weekend. I really do want to try to make things work. You're exactly right no contact isn't for everyone either that or I'm not just not there yet. Even though people said she made it clear that she wants to be with this other guy maybe she is just waiting for me to step up and do something about it to win her over. I know that's what it is because that's what I feel. I got to get my emotions together because this might be a long battle but I hope in the end I win. Wow... I still cry for her can you believe that?

I stopped no contacting her today and told her I would come see her this weekend to tell her things and she said she wants to hear me and my friend said its an indication that she is still confused and that I should stop making her confuse. Cause while I have been here no contacting her acting like a kid, the other guy is listening to her, comforting her and maybe starting to build something more with her but I don't feel like I can let that happen. I got to do something before its too late. Anyway just want to update you guys. Thanks for posting and helping me through it when I need it the most and I think I found the answer to what I am looking for.

It's obvious that you're not at the stage of no contact yet. People are just trying to save you extra pain by telling you to forget her and start moving on now. But the longer you drag this out, the more pain you will feel. So it's as lose-lose situation. Therefore, confronting her might be your best choice. But before you go into battle, keep in mind:

1) You might feel that you have a chance to win, but be prepared to loose. The worse thing that can happen is that things don't work out and you won't even be able to stay friends. It's the same as the no contact rule so there's not much to lose at this point.

2) Don't worry about her relationship/friendships with other guys, only worry about your own actions. We can't control the actions of others, only our own actions.

3) If fine to cry for her, it just means that you really like her. But at the same time, remember that if you truly loved someone, you would also be able to let them go and hope that they have a happy life.

Tomorrow ima go to tell her my feelings before its too late guys she needs to know how I feel about her... it might be futile but at least I know I tried my best. Just want to update you guys. It ll probably end up what you guys tell me and ill regret it but won't know till I try

Good luck none12345! Expect the worst, but hope for the best!

Iwish I fought but I lost >_< but I think I feel a little better now because I said what I had to and I did what I could and now there's nothing more I can do... yup just wanted to let you know

Now she is telling me that she wants to give me one last chance to be with her because she doesn't want me regretting and she wants to know if she can truly be happy with me... I told her okay I will try but I don't know everything doesn't feel right for some reasons what do you guys think?

What a mess you have, especially it seems with your friends also. Look guy you set this whole thing up for yourself when you broke no contact. If you think her giving you another chance so YOU will have no regrets is a good reason to be with someone, THINK AGAIN, and make no mistake her being curious to see if she will be happy is as bogus an excuse as there is.

Let me remind you of something you said..


She thinks she has the upper hand when clearly I should be the one with it and if she wants to be with me this time she has to earn that chance not the other way around.


Or read this about getting back together, things will be very different.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/guy-friend-332322.html

The whole point, better know if this was a last attempt to get her back, or a chance to vent your feelings and get closure to move on. Time to be honest with yourself.

Oh just to clear up a few things, No Contact works for EVERYONE who wants to heal.

If you need closure that bad, then bear the consequences of your actions, or the blessings. A risk we all have to take. Time will tell.

Dude I am just 3 weeks ahead of your situation. I just did all that and I told you the outcome. Details don't make the situation any different. Your just going to be disappointed. Check out the last 2 pages of my thread and you will see what you''ll be up for.

Guys you were completely right. Today she made it clear to me that she don't want this anymore. You guys tried to save me the pain but I thought things was different... but its all the same I think its time I learn to let her go and be happy because that's what I truly want for her... I've been crying all day. I should have just listened to you guys I think its back to no contact for me and its time I move on...

guys you were completely right. today she made it clear to me that she dont want this anymore. you guys tried to save me the pain but i thought things was different... but its all the same i think its time i learn to let her go and be happy because thats what i truely want for her... i've been crying all day. i should have just listened to you guys i think its back to no contact for me and its time i move on....

You are just human!! I cannot tell you how many times people told me to do the same thing, and I still kept causing myself more and more pain. No worries bud! Just know we have all been there. You aren't alone!

You are just human!!! I cannot tell you how many times people told me to do the same thing, and I still kept causing myself more and more pain. No worries bud!! Just know we have all been there. You aren't alone!

Hey kctiger thanks for posting. I've read your post its been a while since u broke up with right? I'm just wondering how's things going now man? Is it getting betta? Anything happened between the two of you??

I said I needed closure to go see her and I ended up begging her to give me one last chance >_<. She says she realized she can't be with me anymore and I think we're officially over but she still wants to talk to me. Should I NC or talk to her because I don't want to be her friend to cushion her guilt for blowing me off? Wutcha guys think?

I guess you haven't learned the sweet art of disappearing from someone's life.

I thought you read the stickies at the beginning of this forum??

I guess you haven't learned the sweet art of disappearing from someones life.

I thought you read the stickies at the beginning of this forum???

Which sticky are you talking about? I think I've read most of them

Well if you know how others have handled it, what's stopping you from doing the same things??

Well if you know how others have handled it, whats stopping you from doing the same things????

To be honest I don't really know what to do. I really want to be with her and work things out but I don't know if things will work that way. There are so many factors, distance, the other guy, the constant arguments, her friends telling her they would be disappointed in her if she decides to be with me. Should I keep holding on? She says she have little faith me and she wants to give the other guy a chance because I had one already. We still talk and she keeps changing her mind between me and him. When he talks to her than she wants him and when she talks to me she rethinks it but she is kind of cold to me. She keeps on saying she don't think things will work out and all of those stuff...

I really want things to work out but its really hard because of the long distance. She tells me she doesn't know if its worth the wait anymore and I'm really hurt by that... but I really do believe I truly love her and I'm not sure if that means fighting for her till the very end. I got to admit when I had NC I started to have dreams of other girls and it felt pretty good but that was before I went to see her this weekend for "closure" I said I wanted but it turned out I didn't stick to closure I keep coming back for more I really don't know why. What do you think I should do? T_T

I would hope people value themselves enough to believe they don't need to fight for someone else. You are a multiple choice question right now, and I would be damned if I was ever a multiple choice question for someone. You have preached to others on this site yet you cannot take your own advice.

Don't be an option to someone! That is not how it works. Stand up, value yourself, and make yourself the priority.

Do as we have suggested, and leave her alone, since she is giving another guy a chance.

Leave her alone, and disappear from her life, is the simple solution.

There are so many factors, distance, the other guy, the constant arguments, her friends telling her they would be disappointed in her if she decides to be with me. Should i keep holding on? She says she have little faith me and she wants to give the other guy a chance because i had one already.

There is your answer staring you right in your face. She has made her choice. You are not helping your cause by staying in contact. She doesn't know what to do, because she is talking to both of you at the same time and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. She will never make a decision with you still in the picture, so will continue to feed you BS until you make your own decision. Each time you contact her, your value in her eyes gets smaller and smaller.

You are the confusion in her life, and she is the confusion in yours. You need to end the confusion for both of you by disappearing!

She is dropping hints left and right about wanting to be with this other guy. If she wants to be with him, let her be with him and go pick-up another girl.

Time to disappear my friend and make your life how you want it with out her influence over your emotions and decisions.

Okay. You guys are right. How do I disappear? Just drop off the face of the earth? Or tell her stuff like I want her to be happy even if its with someone else?

Tell her nothing, just disappear. That's keeping it simple without the emotional drama.

Tell her nothing, just disappear. Thats keeping it simple without the emotional drama.

Okay thanks for the advice. Its exactly what I'm going to do. It sounds easier than it is to lose someone that means so much to you but I guess some times its better to let go.

Yes, you are right. Sometimes its better to let go, not because it is easy, but because you have to do it for your own emotional well being.

Think of it this way, you didn't mean that much to her. So don't give her the satisfaction of knowing what's going on in your life. Usually the people who dump you want to keep in contact with you because they have guilt about hurting you. I had a dream the other day that my ex was still not giving me a chance, like my current situation. It was so vivid and so real that I woke up in tears wondering what happened. Then I realized it was only a dream and brushed it off. Weird how the mind works. And last night I had a few drinks and probably just missed her company . But I woke up this morning with the usual anger I have for her. So its an up and down thing for me. Im on my final attempt at NC, and don't have anything else to say to her but bad things about her that she already knows, so I don't need to and keep them to myself.

Yes, you are right. Sometimes its better to let go, not because it is easy, but because you have to do it for your own emotional well being.

Yah. Maybe its time I do right now. She was my first love and first girlfriend and first kiss and everything I find it extremely hard but I believe it's the right thing to go into no contact for me to save myself from this hell. It just kills me to see her with another guy after so short we've broken up and all. I just felt like she loves me and if she does she ll know where to find me I guess...

Think of it this way, you didnt mean that much to her. So dont give her the satisfaction of knowing whats going on in your life. Usually the people who dump you want to keep in contact with you because they have guilt about hurting you. I had a dream the other day that my ex was still not giving me a chance, like my current situation. It was so vivid and so real that I woke up in tears wondering what happened. Then i realized it was only a dream and brushed it off. Weird how the mind works. And last night i had a few drinks and probably just missed her company . But i woke up this morning with the usual anger i have for her. So its an up and down thing for me. Im on my final attempt at NC, and dont have anything else to say to her but bad things about her that she already knows, so i dont need to and keep them to myself.

Oh. Do you still love her and want to be with her a lot? How's nc coming for you? And yah I didn't mean much to her I just thought I did more enough to do something like this to me... I just want to be with her so bad but I don't know if it ll ever work anymore. I broke nc once already. Im starting it again and today is day 1. if they truly love us they will come back on their own right? Otherwise if they don't we can't wait for them life still goes on and its not pausing for us I guess.

You I still love her I almost proposed, but because of what she did, there's an internal fight inside of me, love and hate. I've broken nc 9 times, it caused me lots of pain, but I did it to myself. Seeing her selfishness contradicts my love for her. Ya I still want to be with her, but reality is she doesn't want me because of how she came up with her decision while she was depressed. She was depressed and people lose interest in everything... Even good things like me. In time she will realize what she had and I won't be anywhere in site for her.

ya I still love her I almost proposed, but because of what she did, there's an internal fight inside of me, love and hate. I've broken nc 9 times, it caused me lots of pain, but I did it to myself. Seeing her selfishness contradicts my love for her. Ya I still want to be with her, but reality is she doesn't want me because of how she came up with her decision while she was depressed. She was depressed and people lose interest in everything... Even good things like me. In time she will realize what she had and I won't be anywhere in site for her.

Oh awww. That's the thing they don't come back until you don't want them back anymore... eventually for us they will realize that they lost the person that will love them the most and treat them the best but by that time we won't want them back anymore I think...

You won't want them back because by that time you will have moved on to better things.

Update~

Hey guys basically I'm almost ready to let this go now and move on but there is one more thing I have to do to prove something to me and her. I need to do one last thing and see if she is willing to consider after this or not and if not than I know there's no point in me trying anymore. Basically for now I have set a date for a month from now that I am going to do something big but I haven't told her what it was yet but I told her the date. When school is over and I have lots of time.

The plan is I am going to walk 200 miles to see her. Basically I how I see it is that after this she might reconsider than fine, but if not I knew I did all I could for her and tried my best and I know its not meant to be for sure and ill be ready to completely move on after this. If I do follow through with this, when I get there it might take a week or so ill know if its worth it or not to walk that far. But if I decide not to do this when the time gets near than I know she isn't worth it and ill have my answers either way.

Right now I need some space to think about the relationship so I'm in NC I guess or I haven't talked to her much. Im doing okay right now but it still hurts but yea that's how I see it right now. I really do believe this is the last thing I have to do for myself and for her and see if the relationship is worth keeping or not. What do you guys think? Just wanted to update you guys

I say don't do it. You don't need to prove anything to her

You knuckle head, let go now, save the shoe abuse, and set that deadline for getting to the next level with yourself. I think that's a much more positive productive plan. Sorry guy, but your frustrating to say the least, and stubborn as a goat.

Just think of the great things you'll learn about yourself, when you can make good decisions for yourself, instead of useless ultimatums, and unreasonable deadlines.

I know I am so stupid and stubborn... but I really do love her and want to be with her. I feel like I would do anything to be with her pretty much. Is it really worth it? I don't really know. I'm very confused right now but I do know I want to be with her. I know I should let go of it. If I can? That's a different question. I know I deserve so much better than this but what if I don't find that? Ill just end up regretting. Sigh... I don't know anymore

You're just in denial still, you'll get over it buddy. I am just as stubborn as you are but you have to accept the facts. Stop yourself now. Be strong. We are here for you, just vent out what you have to say to her here.

Youre just in denial still, youll get over it buddy. I am just as stubborn as you are but you have to accept the facts. Stop yourself now. Be strong. we are here for you, just vent out what you have to say to her here.

I am a denial. But knowing me I'm not the type of person that would just go out with anyone or date just for fun I look for commitment and love and she was my first love and first girl I have been with and the only girl I have been with. I don't know man. I believe in fighting for love till the very end and it ll be worth it if things work out you know? Is that a false idea or perception? I get how its time to move on and all so basically I understand that too but I feel like I want to fight I don't know why? Its just not me I don't give up easily.. but I need some self respect and all but does that all matter? I'm so confused ugh...

You will gain that self respect by hanging up your coat and knowing that the war is over. I am just like you, I don't go out with chicks for the sake of being with someone I look for committed people. And fighting for love until the very end is OK but you have to know when to give up because you will hurt yourself the more you keep fighting with wounds. That is where you will get yourself respect, is knowing yourself and when to stop. Saving your dignity and keeping yourself together. This is your first love, you are still young.

You will gain that self respect by hanging up your coat and knowing that the war is over. I am just like you, i dont go out with chicks for the sake of being with someone i look for committed people. And fighting for love until the very end is ok but you have to know when to give up because you will hurt yourself the more you keep fighting with wounds. That is where you will get your self respect, is knowing yourself and when to stop. Saving your dignity and keeping yourself together. This is your first love, you are still young.

Yah I think so too, if you keep fighting and hoping for them to return their love one day and realize how you were always there for them I don't know if that's true or not. At some point I do have to think about myself. She made a decision for herself and so should I? But dewd for some reason I see all the reasons to let it go but at the same time I don't want to and I want to fight. How do you know when the war is over? How do you know its not just the battle? I'm so confused...

The war is over when you are the only one standing on the battlefield and no more reasons to be fighting.

The war is over when you are the only one standing on the battlefield and no more reasons to be fighting.

What if there is a reason. The reason is you still love that person?

And they don't love you back?. there is no more reason. You can fight all you want but the outcome will be the same, She still won't love you in the end and you will be emotionally and physically tired.

and they dont love you back?.....there is no more reason. you can fight all you want but the outcome will be the same, She still wont love you in the end and you will be emotionally and physically tired.

Oh okay. Is that really the case? No matter what you do the outcome will be the same? Can u try to convince someone to love you? Will they change their mind afterwards after thinking about it and stuff?

You cannot convince someone to love you. Fighting for someone shows desperation, a weakness. Which is unattractive to a woman. Because you are hurt and you are fighting, you are showing all these qualities. So yes the outcome will most likely be the same. They can think about it all they want. PEOPLE in general always want to be right and never admit fault. If she changes her mind she will have admit she was wrong and put the control of the relationship in your hands, which nobody likes to do.

You cannot convince someone to love you. fighting for someone shows desperation, a weakness. Which is unattractive to a woman. because you are hurt and you are fighting, you are showing all these qualities. So yes the outcome will most likely be the same. they can think about it all they want. PEOPLE in general always want to be right and never admit fault. If she changes her mind she will have admit she was wrong and put the control of the relationship in your hands, which nobody likes to do.

yah oh okay I understand that I think I see it now but there are some stuff I'm confused about though still. Ima think about it first den ill ask you here if you can help me. Thanks though I see things clearer now =P

Let me know what you are confused about, then write it down here.

How are you doing with your situation heartbroke? What's going on I'm just wondering, anything new? How you feeling? O_O

I'm still dealing with it. Im sad that she's not here for me and that's the reality of it is that "shes not here". If she loved me like she claimed she did I wouldn't being going through this right now. Id be over at her house doing what we do. I can only move forward and look towards the next day. She's constantly in my mind but I try my best to push through. Yeah I loved her, but she doesn't love me anymore. I may have feelings for her still but she has none for me, so why should I waste my energy onto someone that doesn't recipricate.

Oh yah I'm in the same boat. Do you think its possible to win someone's love back?

You you can but its going to be twice as hard as you will have to work past what initially broke you up. I deal by keeping myself busy and surrounding myself with positive people

ya you can but its going to be twice as hard as you will have to work past what initially broke you up. I deal by keeping myself busy and surrounding myself with positive people

If you really love her are you going to try to win her love back? Basically the way I see it that this time you ll have to do it but next time she might be the one trying to win your love back right? That's how a couple works I think. When the other lose interest the other fights and than next time the other might be the one trying to keep you together. Neh?

As more time goes by, it doesn't feel right anymore and I just can't be around her but there are some times when I'm willing to do anything for her and some when I don't feel like doing anything. Has anyone ever had that feeling before?

It's called being confused. The only way to end it is to take the source of your confusion out of your life, meaning taking her out of your life. You need to start doing things for yourself and not doing them with the intentions of trying to win her back or prove something to her.

You must be selfish and proceed forward with the mindset that it's all about you now, not her. This is a perfect time to get into a new hobby or take a road-trip somewhere with your friends. Join a gym or some sort of club. Do anything to keep you distracted and thinking of her.

As more time goes by, it doesnt feel right anymore and i just can't be around her but there are some times when im willing to do anything for her and some when i dont feel like doing anything. Has anyone ever had that feeling before?

Yes... it is part of learning to rid yourself of the emotional detachment you have with her. These feelings will come and go, change over time, and eventually subside. Just manage them as best as you can, and do what others have said, find a way to make YOURSELF happy! You deserve it!

It's called being confused. The only way to end it is to take the source of your confusion out of your life, meaning taking her out of your life. You need to start doing things for yourself and not doing them with the intentions of trying to win her back or prove something to her.

You must be selfish and proceed forward with the mindset that it's all about you now, not her. This is a perfect time to get into a new hobby or take a road-trip somewhere with your friends. Join a gym or some sort of club. Do anything to keep you distracted and thinking of her.

I want to try to win her love back and prove to her how much I love her though but I don't know if it's a good idea or not. That's the things, I know everyone tells me its not and it makes sense to me what everyone has told me but I don't know if that's how I want to do thing you know what I mean? Truth is I ll probably just end up with more pain than I am already in. But I guess you will never know till you try? I want to fight for my love for her but there are some days I just don't feel like doing that anymore...

I want to try to win her love back and prove to her how much i love her though but i dont know if its a good idea or not. Thats the things, i know everyone tells me its not and it makes sense to me what everyone has told me but i dont know if thats how i want to do thing you know what i mean? Truth is i ll probably just end up with more pain than i am already in. But i guess you will never know till you try? I want to fight for my love for her but there are some days i just dont feel like doing that anymore...

Love is not supposed to be this hard, and once you go through a period of NC and get rid of the emotional cloud that is stuck in front of you, that realization will creep in. Nothing you do will change her mind my friend. If she wants you, she will find you. You must know that all of the romantic Hollywood movies that portray what you are talking about ARE NOT real life. You have to quit worrying about proving anything to her, and start proving things to yourself. You are a mere shell of who you once were... time to change that.

Love is not supposed to be this hard, and once you go through a period of NC and get rid of the emotional cloud that is stuck in front of you, that realization will creep in. Nothing you do will change her mind my friend. If she wants you, she will find you. You must know that all of the romantic Hollywood movies that portray what you are talking about ARE NOT real life. You have to quit worrying about proving anything to her, and start proving things to yourself. You are a mere shell of who you once were...time to change that.

Update~
Hey thanks for posting. Today when I woke up out of no where I decided how stupid I have been. Everyone on here was completely right. They were always here giving me the same advice over and over again even after how stubborn I have been. I would just like to thank you all for being here for me.

Today out of no where I decided that its time for me to move on no matter how hard it is and even if she wants me back right now, I won't her back anymore. I learned a valuable lesson in this experience, never give everything you have to someone because you never know if they ll have a change of heart and take everything away from you. I gave her valuable time with my family, my best friends, spent so much money on her, dreamed my future with her and have everything planned out and now its all gone. My family and friends are still here for me, they have always been no matter how bad I've treated them. I feel so stupid for not seeing that and I'm so sorry of how I treated them.

She is a b1tch. I gave her everything and she took it from me leaving me with nothing. After everything I have done for her, she left me for some other guy. I felt all used up and stupid for all the things I have said on here. To think just yesterday I would go to the end of the world for her. Why would I do such a thing for someone who replaced me just like that, all the things she said was a lie. She was not the person I fell in love with, I thought she was loyal, I meant more to her than that and she just threw me out of the window without any hesistation. She told me she was better than me the other day... That was so cruel. She is definitely not the person I want to be with anymore and I've made up my mind for sure and I'm not going back on it anymore.

As for her, I am cutting her off my life for good. Even if she wants to rekindle things later on, ill be long gone. I deserve so much better than that. I deserve someone who is loyal to me to the end, appreciate me and love me for who I am. Well, this is how I feel today, if it ll change tomorrow? I don't really know. It still hurts me when I think of her with the other guy. I still love her but that was because she was once the person she was and now she's changed unless she was always this way and I never saw this side of her. It still hurts every now and then that things had to end up this way but now I actually think of the possibility that this might be the best for me.

Anyway, what's the problem now? Well, the thing is I'm ready to move on. But like I said now I'm left with nothing, I'm kind of scared of the future. I know what I have to do is spend more time with my family and friends and I'm so grateful for them. Im glad I haven't lose them yet. They mean so much to me now. I also have to study hard in school build a future for myself and find a good job to support myself. The thing is, about my love life? I don't know if I will ever find anyone to love anymore. I would like to have someone to love me back and spend the rest of my life with but I don't know if I would ever find that person. I don't want a rebound, just anyone to be with. I want to find my one true love and I don't know if I ever will and I'm scared I won't and just end up all by myself with no one loving me... Im scared of the future and I feel kind of lost right now.

What you're feeling is normal and natural. Don't beat yourself up. We've all been there... some of us, time and time again it seems.

None of us have a crystal ball. It would be nice if we could be enlightened with a vision of our future and pointed in the right direction... but that's not living. That's no fun, really. That's not what life is all about. We have to find out on our own. That's how we learn and grow and become who we are.

Some of the best advice I've been given over the years is to just be myself, be the kind of person that I want to attract.

In other words, for me, I am happy, content, fun, strong and independent and most importantly open to love... and if I am these things, and they're conveyed to others, hopefully I will attract someone similar.

I can say for sure, though, because of your young age, that, yes, you will find someone else, probably more than one...

I agree with you about the rebound. It's natural to want to fill that void up right away with someone else to temporarily ease the heartache, but rebound is not a good idea.

You need time to clear your mind and heart of this girl. You will be no good to anyone else until you do. Trust me, I've done it. I hurt someone and it's not right to do and it only made me feel worse about myself.

Rebound just delays the inevitable pain and loss you MUST go through to get to the other side. It will make you a stronger person and you will learn about yourself.

It's okay to feel lost. You will land. Hang in there!

What you're feeling is normal and natural. Don't beat yourself up. We've all been there.....some of us, time and time again it seems.

None of us have a crystal ball. It would be nice if we could be enlightened with a vision of our future and pointed in the right direction....but that's not living. That's no fun, really. That's not what life is all about. We have to find out on our own. That's how we learn and grow and become who we are.

Some of the best advice I've been given over the years is to just be myself, be the kind of person that I want to attract.

In other words, for me, I am happy, content, fun, strong and independent and most importantly open to love...and if I am these things, and they're conveyed to others, hopefully I will attract someone similar.

I can say for sure, though, because of your young age, that, yes, you will find someone else, probably more than one...

I agree with you about the rebound. It's natural to want to fill that void up right away with someone else to temporarily ease the heartache, but rebound is not a good idea.

You need time to clear your mind and heart of this girl. You will be no good to anyone else until you do. Trust me, I've done it. I hurt someone and it's not right to do and it only made me feel worse about myself.

Rebound just delays the inevitable pain and loss you MUST go through to get to the other side. It will make you a stronger person and you will learn about yourself.

It's okay to feel lost. You will land. Hang in there!

Yup. She was my first love and it has been really hard on me. But at this point I don't think I could take her back even if she wants to but at the same time it would be awesome if all of this never happened you know what I mean? But the future is scary now. You ll never know what happen... if you ll ever find love again or not.

Omg guyz >_< today I am so bored sitting at home doing nothing... I feel the urge to talk to my ex >_< and break nc!! But I know if I do it ll just lead me to more pain... What should I do??

Do you really need an answer or can we skip right to the sympathy since you know the answer to your question.

Get unbored, find something to do for you.

Call your friends!! Good job committing to NC. Time to fill up all of this free time with fun stuff. That fear you have will soon turn into excitement for the future and unknown.

Your finally stepping in the right direction. The road will not be easy at first, but the longer you stick to it, the easier it gets.

Do you really need an answer or can we skip right to the sympathy since you know the answer to your question.

Get unbored, find something to do for you.

Yah pretty much I know the answer. Don't contact her at all no matter what. That's part of what no contact is. >_< And I know that is what everyone will tell me and I know it's the right thing for me to do.

Hmmm... get unbored? How? What is there to do?

Call your friends...

I know you have some. Play some video games, take a walk, go for a nice long drive, go fishing, just get out of your house for a while. Go to the mall and by some new clothes. Go to the book store and buy a book. Maybe go to starbucks and get a coffee. Just do something instead of sitting on the computer wondering what to do.

Call your friends....

I know you have some. Play some video games, take a walk, go for a nice long drive, go fishing, just get out of your house for a while. Go to the mall and by some new clothes. Go to the book store and buy a book. Maybe go to starbucks and get a coffee. Just do something instead of sitting on the computer wondering what to do.

Wow its been a LONG time since I talked to her. I don't feel as close to her anymore. I feel like the feelings for her have changed and their not as strong anymore. Is that really what I should be feeling? Anyway wutcha up to?

Wow its been a LONG time since i talked to her. I dont feel as close to her anymore. I feel like the feelings for her have changed and their not as strong anymore. Is that really what i should be feeling? Anyways wutcha up to??

Yes, this is how it works. You will have ups and downs. You're on your way. Breaking NC will take you backward and you'll prolong the agony. You want to stop the agony.

The others are right on. The fear you have for the future WILL turn into excitement.

As soon as you find an outlet for all this "energy" you've put into her, it will be easier. Exercise always helps me. Also, reading. Getting out with your friends and forcing yourself to NOT talk about her while with your friends is good, too.


P.S. You will find love. Most likely when you're not expecting it. Don't focus on that too much. Be patient.

Guys. I feel all used up and thrown away like yesterday's trash. I gave this girl so much, did so much for her, sacrificed so much for her. I left my family, friends for her. I don't have much friends but I have a few really close one and I left them for her. I went to a closer university to study so I can spend more time with her.

Whenever I did things with my family I always rushed them home or I was never really there mentally so I can talk to this girl. Whenever my friends ask me out, I always blow them off for her. I spent so much money on gifts, dates, dinner for her. What did I get in return? A broken heart and a trip to hell and back.

I feel all used up. Kind of embarrassed now that I'm left with nothing. My family and friends are still there for me. They have been loyal and supportive of me no matter what I did and was always there when I needed them. As for her I thought she was loyal but she betrayed me for a new guy?

Basically I feel all used up and there nothing more for me to give to anyone including myself. What do you guys think? >_<

Feeling used and abused comes with the territory.

I think there is a lot to learn about yourself here.

Sounds like you gave too much. That's not anyone's fault but yours.

Don't repeat this. Love yourself before you can love someone else.

What happened to you, happens all the time. You pick yourself up and move on. Learn.

Whenever I did things with my family I always rushed them home or I was never really there mentally so I can talk to this girl. Whenever my friends ask me out, I always blow them off for her. I spent so much money on gifts, dates, dinner for her. What did I get in return? A broken heart and a trip to hell and back.

That is what happens when you give too much of yourself. If you lose yourself in someone, if you cannot maintain who you are in a relationship, this is what happens when it is over.

You need to be YOU and maintain your hobbies, interests, education, work, relationships with your friends and family----so when a love relationship ends, you aren't left feeling like you have absolutely nothing. She didn't take all of these from you--YOU did.

Yah... it is all my fault. Its just so hard for me right now. Sometimes I feel strong enough to get through it and sometimes it is just so hard. I just don't know what to do anymore. Actually I know what to do, but I don't know if I can survive it...

Stop feeding the guy on the pity pot. He is a loser who will keep you down. We support the other guy who is willing to work on himself and not be a big cry baby.

Stop feeding the guy on the pity pot. He is a loser who will keep you down. We support the other guy who is willing to work on himself and not be a big cry baby.

Yah I know but my feelings are everywhere right now but I feel stronger now to move on. I think I'm almost there. NC is working its wonders and I have nothing to do with her life ever since. I don't feel as close to her anymore, but sometimes the pain is still there like it hasn't completely disappeared yet

Sorry, Tal, had to spread the love.

I agree with Tal. Get rid of the 'poor me' attitude, it will get you nowhere.

Lighten up, too This is not the end of the world here.

Tell us something positive about YOU.

That was pretty mean tal >_< what I do wrong? I can't help the way I feel...

The truth hurts my friend... the only thing you are doing wrong is always dwelling on this now instead of actually learning from it.. thus making sure it will never happen again.
What I found useful was to list all the things I had learnt from the breakup... i.e.. To see the red flags, to realise that actions speak louder than words, to have happiness within MYSELF... etc etc...

A persons character is judged by how they recover and react after a nasty knock back... show your strength of character... dust yourself off, get up, learn the lessons and improve yourself in every and any aspect of your life... it will be much more attractive to ladies and will be much more rewarding in the long run!.

Good Luck..

I think Tal's giving you some tough love. Like a slap in the face!

We just want to see some more positive!

Yah I need a good slap in the face to come back to reality. Hey guys I don't get how come in the movies, they always have a happy ending but in real life it doesn't work that way? O_O

Because that's Hollywood. Smoke and Mirrors. That is a Fantasy Reality that someone dreamed up in their head about how THEY think life should be. It never really mimics real life. The only movies that remotely mimic real life are documentaries and films that based themselves only on real life fact. Then again, the director always has to put his own personal touch on things.

Guys today was weird. I don't know how I feel today. Its more like I feel nothing at all. Today after school I hanged out with some of the guys on the floor that I lived on with the same the same class. It was pretty nice to hang out people after being home alone all the time. I still feel kind of lonely though. I don't have much friends here, I moved here to study for school but school is almost over and I'm going home back to my city during the summer. Can't wait to hang out with my old buddies and family. I feel like I need a new group of friends. My own group that I can hang out all the time. Anyone have any thoughts or ideas?

Well... get away from the computer and go out!! Talk to people. You can do this. You got to be a friend to have one!

Sigh... I just woke up today from dreaming of having the wonderful sex me and my ex had >_< now I miss her... but I know I can't go back to her or want her back anymore for the horrible way she has treated me but I still have feelings for her every once in a while

Rub one out and carry on with your day... :cool:

Rub one out and carry on with your day...:cool:

Guess I don't really have a choice do I? Lol

There are always choices. You can keep dreaming after you wake up, or you can wake up, and have a nice day.

That's two choices, there are others.

There are always choices. You can keep dreaming after you wake up, or you can wake up, and have a nice day.

Thats two choices, there are others.

I guess keep dreaming doesn't get you no where. It doesn't mean its going to happen in real life so I guess there's no point in that. I guess the best thing to do is wake up and have a nice day. Does it mean subconscioiusly that I still have feelings with this girl since I dreamed about her?

I still have dreams about the puppy/dog I had growing up, that doesn't mean that I get to have my puppy back.

Yes, I miss him, but just because I miss him doesn't mean that I get to have him back.

Yep yep do you still want him back?

Dreams are dreams. I don't try and interpret them, seriously, I would have a more productive time pondering the meaning of life...

Eventually you get to a point to where those dreams don't happen at all, or at least, they don't happen often.

Sigh.... i just woke up today from dreaming of having the wonderful sex me and my ex had >_< now i miss her..... but i know i can't go back to her or want her back anymore for the horrible way she has treated me but i still have feelings for her every once in a while

You are missing sex, my friend. That's all.

Don't romanticize that everything about your sex was wonderful, therefore, no other female in the world will **** like her. You'll get **** again

You are missing sex, my friend. That's all.

Don't romanticize that everything about your sex was wonderful, therefore, no other female in the world will **** like her. You'll get **** again

Its just with her it feels so special. I don't know if I can ever feel close enough to do those stuff with anyone else or I want to...

PHHHHHTTTT!! You will trust me.

It seems to me that what you miss is actually 'having someone'.. having a 'girlfriend'...
I think maybe you need to be more comfortable being alone - its not a bad thing you know... believe me, I have been finding out first hand. I have been able to do WHATEVER I want... embrace the freedom dude!. I think after some time you will realise what I am talking about.
My driving force is this - to improve myself each day as much as possible, in turn making me more and more desirable... at the end of the day, you can never stop learning and improving... get out there, try it.. you will feel good!

It seems to me that what you miss is actually 'having someone'.. having a 'girlfriend'...
I think maybe you need to be more comfortable being alone - its not a bad thing you know... believe me, i have been finding out first hand. I have been able to do WHATEVER i want...embrace the freedom dude!.. I think after some time you will realise what I am talking about.
My driving force is this - to improve myself each day as much as possible, in turn making me more and more desirable ... at the end of the day, you can never stop learning and improving... get out there, try it.. you will feel good!

Yah I thought about what you said and I think I understand what you're trying to say now and it makes perfect sense. By improving yourself and make yourself more desirable so people will like you and it ll be so much better in the next relationship. Maybe that's how I feel like is I actually miss having someone but it's that I actually miss having her not just anyone, is that the same thing?

yah i thought about what you said and i think i understand what you're trying to say now and it makes perfect sense. by improving yourself and make yourself more desirable so people will like you and it ll be so much better in the next relationship. maybe thats how i feel like is i actually miss having someone but its that i actually miss having her not just anyone, is that the same thing?

It's both. You miss having someone and you miss her. NC is to get over missing her. Getting out and doing new things with people is for you.

You don't just improve yourself to make yourself desirable for other people to like you.
You do it for you. You want to like yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin, so you can tolerate being alone... eventually enjoy it and not feel anxious about having to have someone else to fulfill all your needs. You take care of you first!

It seems to me that what you miss is actually 'having someone'.. having a 'girlfriend'...
I think maybe you need to be more comfortable being alone - its not a bad thing you know... believe me, i have been finding out first hand. I have been able to do WHATEVER i want...embrace the freedom dude!.. I think after some time you will realise what I am talking about.
My driving force is this - to improve myself each day as much as possible, in turn making me more and more desirable ... at the end of the day, you can never stop learning and improving... get out there, try it.. you will feel good!

Yah right now I feel kind of scared of the future and where it will lead me. Before when I was with her I had everything planned out but plans are going to change now and I feel kind of lost now. It feels weird being alone and I'm not used to it. I've been with her for so long and its being a while that I felt alone and single. I got to admit the freedom does feel kind of good but from time to time I still miss her. I don't feel that comfortable being alone but I'm doing my own stuff now like videogames, homework, playing my guitar and I'm even catching up with my family and friends and I have more time for them. Any ideas on how I can feel more comfortable being alone without any fear of the future?

Turn that fear that you have of the future into excitement for the future.

They are both identical reactions/emotions only utilized by our bodies and minds in different ways and for different reasons. If you take control of your fear and make it work for you, instead of against you, in a short period it will turn in to excitement and you will be able to do anything.

Think of it this way... many people fear jumping out of the plane the first time they go skydiving. Heck many people won't go skydiving at all because of fear. However, once that first jump is made, they always want to do it again. They love it. They almost crave it. They get excited when they plan another jump. That is the effect of turning your fear into excitement. Once you do, the world looks like a totally different place!

I don't fear jumping out of the an airplane, I fear about how hard that ground is if the guy who couldn't pass 10th grade didn't pack my chute the right way.

Wow... I just read my thread from the beginning to now and I've realized I've come a long with the support of you guys. There is still a long way for me to go and I'm taking each day at a time =P

You will be amazed at how much you learn and grow during this time... just amazed.

It feels good to be free now =P and get out of the house XD ^_^ though I still think of my ex sometimes~ I learned how beautiful life is. Its sunny outside =P and the cold depressing winter is going away ^___^ I don't know why but I feel good today O_O

YES!! I think he's got it!

I'm so glad to hear you say you feel good today : )

This time of year everyone is a little depressed, waiting for spring and summer (I guess depending on where you live).

I'm glad you got out of the house!! Do more of that. A Change of scenery does wonders.

YES!!! I think he's got it!

I'm so glad to hear you say you feel good today : )

This time of year everyone is a little depressed, waiting for spring and summer (I guess depending on where you live).

I'm glad you got out of the house!!! Do more of that. A Change of scenery does wonders.

Yah I'm going to get out of the house more and enoy the beautfiul weather =P. I still get sad when I think of everything me and my ex have been through but I'm also exicited of the future now and what it will bring =P There will always be the what could have been thought in my head if me and my ex were together though.

Guys I'm still curious what my ex is up to with this "new guy" I have this urge to check her Facebook to see if there's any pictures >_< I have been controlling my urges so far and I haven't been on Facebook for like ages... I want to see if her status does still say she's in a relationship with me or not >_<

Don't do it, it hurts, I found out either way... why do you think I went back into this stage? I just took like 3 steps back and spent $200 on a guitar set to ease my mind. I thought you deleted her from your Facebook?

Checking on Facebook is a known detriment to healing. If you want to feel like total sh*t, then be my guest, but take it from me, nothing good comes from checking that stuff.

Curiosity killed the cat... don't do it. Ignorance is bliss my friend.

Dont do it, it hurts, i found out either way...why do u think i went back into this stage? I just took like 3 steps back and spent $200 on a guitar set to ease my mind. I thought you deleted her from your facebook?

Well at that time I didn't want to go onto Facebook just to delete her >_< because I know I would go onto her profile so I told myself I won't go on Facebook all together... oh you got a guitar? =P NICE

Yup I ended up not doing it and didn't check it YET but its really tempting and I know it ll be horrible once I do so I'm trying my best to not check it and keep myself busy

Step away from the computer and visit some friends.

Step away from the computer and visit some friends.

I don't have much friends here because I'm new to this city and I'm just staying here temporarily but ill be going home soon and I can't wait to catch up with them =P

Well, then take a walk/drive around the city and go to a coffe shop or something where some girls hang out and try talking to them. Do something to get your mind off your ex.

She is probably having sex with him... the thought of that drives me crazy. >_< I don't know why but I still having feelings for her

Who gives a f*** what she is doing? She could be doing naked cart-wheels on the White House lawn, and it still doesn't matter. DO NOT waste your time worrying about how she is living her life. You have better things to attend to.

Don't go looking for answers about what she is doing. It will not help you. It will actually hurt a lot more to actually know for a fact what she is up to than just wondering.

I found out the hard way. I asked my ex what she did with her new BF. She told me and let me tell you... it hurt more than anything in my life. It definitely set me back and extended the time I needed to get over her. The anger and animosity I felt toward her was there, but the actual heart ache and pain I felt was so much worse than anything.

Don't do it! Get distracted and resist the stupid Facebook/MySpace trap!

Don't go looking for answers about what she is doing. It will not help you. It will actually hurt a lot more to actually know for a fact what she is up to than just wondering.

I found out the hard way. I asked my ex what she did with her new BF. She told me and let me tell you....it hurt more than anything in my life. It definitely set me back and extended the time I needed to get over her. The anger and animosity I felt toward her was there, but the actual heart ache and pain I felt was so much worse than anything.

Don't do it!! Get distracted and resist the stupid Facebook/MySpace trap!

Okies I'm kind of bored right now and there's nothing to do but yah last time I did that is saw a pic of them holding hands >_<

Yeah don't go back and fall into the trap again. You're just sabotaging the progress you have been making to getting over this.

Yah I just read your story man >_< my story is so similar. How are things now? What's going on? Are things looking up? O_O

I want my ex back... I miss her and I love her and I feel I've been away from her for too long. She treats me so crappy but why do I still feel this way? Is she thinking of me? >_< I don't know what to do I feel like breaking NC. It seems like its getting really hard for everyone these days...

I don't know why guys but today I've been extremely down. Been thinking about my ex a lot lately... I want her back... I don't really know what to do. I need some self respect but I still love her and its starting to hurt again. Still in NC.

Hang in there, and look out for yourself. If she's trying to choose between you and someone else, you don't want to be with her. My fiancée chose someone else but came back to me - and things weren't the same after that, and did not work out.

Stay in NC my friend...
Believe me I know the pain you are going through as I was there not too long ago.
You are right.. you need to show YOURSELF some respect; and the only way of doing that is to UNDERSTAND that this girl is just not the one for you... In my opinion you deserve better... and I think in a situation like this you need the support of other people to make you realise these things!.

Let me tell you something.. I was like you in the early stages of NC.. crying, couldn't handle the thought of her with this other guy, tempted to break it...
But as time went on.. as I gathered more and more help from this website.. as I went out more, learning more about life... I realised what she did.. she LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER GUY. I realised this with a COMPLETELY objective mindset and I told myself, what in heck am I doing pining over a girl that left me for another guy.. I am SO much better than that.. I know it, and so do all my friends and even some of hers... WHY would I put myself through more and more pain.

The point I am making is.. whilst in NC.. at some point, some time.. something will click, like it did for me... and you are going to wake up one day and say what the heck am I doing still thinking about her... I deserve better, I will get better and I will BE better..

Believe me, that moment will happen too.. IF you stick to NC... when it does, remember my words :)...

As for now.. good days and bad days will come.. and when those bad days come you got to step to the plate and show your strength of character, you have to ride the storm... remember though, we are all here to ride the storm with you... don't you forget that!

Yah... it I'm sticking to NC and I have to be strong. It hurts me so much when I think of her being with the other guy and what they are doing though. I thought I was getting better but I did for a bit and now I'm not anymore.

NC is the best way to heal and move on but I still have feelings for her and I think of her and I want to be with her but I can't anymore. She's gone and she's never coming back and I'm still here waiting... I need to move on but its so hard and I don't know if I can.

i need to move on but its so hard and i dont know if i can.

You can... and you WILL. Even if you don't believe in yourself yet, you have a lot of people on this website who do.

Guys I feel like going to the darkside... >_<

What's up man? What's the deal? Talk to me

Well dude man. I've been missing her a lot lately and I wish things could work out. I want to get her back. I don't know if I can NC anymore man the 2 weeks I'm in NC has been hell. I wonder what she's doing all the time, and if she and the other guy is kissing or doing stuff or w.e.

I feel like I need to stop NC and do some desperate attempt to get her back man and do one of those fairy tales stuff to prove how much I love her so we can have our happy ending... ugh... I hate this feeling just when I thought I was getting better I feel like I can't live without her in my life.

Been there done that, and I can tell you the BEST thing to do is just stick to NC. You give in, and you take monstrous steps back... it ain't worth it. You are good enough as you are and she doesn't deserve you fighting to get her. That is a total loss of self respect.

Been there done that, and I can tell you the BEST thing to do is just stick to NC. You give in, and you take monstrous steps back...it ain't worth it. You are good enough as you are and she doesn't deserve you fighting to get her. That is a total loss of self respect.

Yup kc, I just think that if I fight for her in the end she ll realize everything and treat me better and think differently of me. I just feel like doing some ultimatum to get her back or something. Does self respect really matter if in the end I get the girl of my dreams. I got to admit I still have mix feelings about her. Sometimes I feel like I can't be with her anymore and sometimes I feel like I really want her in my life. I just don't know what to do now man.

You just continue being strong and don't give into meaningless tempation. This isn't a movie. If she wanted you, she would find you. Self respect does matter, because without it, even if you do get the "girl of your dreams" you won't keep her without first loving yourself.

If, may I ask, she was the girl of your dreams, why in the hell would she be with another guy right now? You are still blinded by emotions that aren't rational at all. Don't act on stupidity...

You just continue being strong and don't give into meaningless tempation. This isn't a movie. If she wanted you, she would find you. Self respect does matter, because without it, even if you do get the "girl of your dreams" you won't keep her without first loving yourself.

If, may I ask, she was the girl of your dreams, why in the hell would she be with another guy right now? You are still blinded by emotions that aren't rational at all. Don't act on stupidity...

Its just I love her personality and the person she is. She is everything I want in a girl except I want my girl to love me and be loyal to me and she isn't that but if she could it would be perfect. I don't know if that's possible though. I won't know till I try? The trust has been broken though and I don't know if I could be with her ever again but yet I still want to be with her because I see the perfect world but I might not be seeing the reality.

I know I'm still blinded by emotions. KC do you believe in ultimatums? Like do something big to see if she is willing to come back? Perphaps it brings closure? And it feels easier to move on?

You're not listening to sappy love songs, are you?

Keep up the NC!! You will be so sorry and humiliated even more if you break it now after coming so far.

You're going home soon you said. Keep that goal in your mind. If you can make it home without breaking NC, think of that as milestone and reward yourself when you get there.

You CAN do this and you WILL and you will be SO GLAD you did.

I believe in reality, and the fact that you don't need to fight for someone like her. You don't believe in yourself, but I do, and that is what matters. We all do. You create your own closure and you will get there eventually. Just be strong, don't give up, and don't give in!

You're not listening to sappy love songs, are you?

Keep up the NC!!!! You will be so sorry and humiliated even more if you break it now after coming so far.

You're going home soon you said. Keep that goal in your mind. If you can make it home without breaking NC, think of that as milestone and reward yourself when you get there.

You CAN do this and you WILL and you will be SO GLAD you did.

Omg survivor how do you know I'm listening to sappy love songs? >_< lol

Okies ill keep NC till I get home. How do I reward myself? O_O

its just i love her personality and the person she is. She is everything i want in a girl except i want my girl to love me and be loyal to me and she isnt that but if she could it would be perfect.

She's the girl of your dreams... but...

If she was, there wouldn't be a but.

My ex was perfect for me except for the fact that she slept with someone else. Losing her still hurts terribly but I realize it wasn't right.

I believe in reality, and the fact that you don't need to fight for someone like her. You don't believe in yourself, but I do, and that is what matters. We all do. You create your own closure and you will get there eventually. Just be strong, don't give up, and don't give in!

Okay I won't give up. Last night I drank too much I started having crazy ideas on what to do for her. I have been strong. Been NC for 2 weeks but I don't know how much longer I can keep NC. First time I've NC and I broke it, I just got more pain and now this is my second NC and I've been in NC ever since. I don't want to go back to the pain anymore. You're right I should keep NC to save myself from the pain.

I don't know I'm just a sap for those love stories that you should fight for love till the very end and in the end if you get the girl it ll be worth it but if you don't you can move on in peace.

She's the girl of your dreams...but...

If she was, there wouldn't be a but.

My ex was perfect for me except for the fact that she slept with someone else. Losing her still hurts terribly but I realize it wasn't right.

What wasn't right?

We got back together after a break during which she had cheated on me and lied to me about it. I couldn't get past my bitterness and sense of entitlement, and she just wasn't interested in me as she once was. She said she felt that she was forcing herself. And I know I didn't feel the same way about her after she let another guy enter the picture... hate to say it, but you probably won't either. I miss her, but not the her that she was since things went wrong.

We got back together after a break during which she had cheated on me and lied to me about it. I couldn't get past my bitterness and sense of entitlement, and she just wasn't interested in me as she once was. She said she felt that she was forcing herself. And I know I didn't feel the same way about her after she let another guy enter the picture...hate to say it, but you probably won't either. I miss her, but not the her that she was since things went wrong.

Yah true that. I won't ever be able to forgive her for cheating on me. I'm not that type of person. I want someone that can stay true no matter what.

Remind yourself of that when you want to contact her. Eventually, it'll sound less like you're just telling yourself that and more like the truth.

Do you guys know usually how long of NC would you need before you can completely move on and heal?

There's really no answer for that... in one of those FAQs it estimates 2 months per year of the relationship, no idea how accurate that is.

There's really no answer for that...in one of those FAQs it estimates 2 months per year of the relationship, no idea how accurate that is.

okies snow =P yah NC is getting hard. At times it feels hard and at times not so hard. Have you did NC before? Howd it go? O_O

Doing it now after a three-year relationship... three days, contacted her the first day to discuss joint accounts. I'm doing all right but I had a trial run of it during our "break" in December/January.

omg survivor how do you know im listening to sappy love songs? >_< lol

okies ill keep NC till i get home. How do i reward myself? O_O

Because love songs always drone on and on about fighting for your love, blah, blah, puke, puke.

Real life isn't like that. Listening to the love songs is okay for a while, but there comes a time where you draw the line. If the song reminds you of her, makes you sad, turn it off!

And on rewarding yourself... well, what do you like? If it were me, I'd buy a new CD, a new outfit, get my hair done... go out for a night with friends... have a one night stand... (kidding, but that might work lol).

Doing it now after a three-year relationship...three days, contacted her the first day to discuss joint accounts. I'm doing alright but I had a trial run of it during our "break" in December/January.

Oh how have you been keeping? How long have you been in NC?

Because love songs always drone on and on about fighting for your love, blah, blah, puke, puke.

Real life isn't like that. Listening to the love songs is okay for a while, but there comes a time where you draw the line. If the song reminds you of her, makes you sad, turn it off!

And on rewarding yourself....well, what do you like? If it were me, I'd buy a new CD, a new outfit, get my hair done...go out for a night with friends...have a one night stand...(kidding, but that might work lol).

yah... listening to the songs make me sad and makes me want to fight for love. I keep thinking in the end if I fight for it, I would have that happy ending that I want but I don't think its going to happen anymore not with her. I can't trust her anymorez. She threw it all away to be with another guy...

But yah I have plans for the summer, work, start up a band, work on some music, change my hair style, drinking with they guys so yup I guess I'm going to do that =P

The heart pains are starting again I don't know why... I seem okay but why is my heart hurting. I guess I still have feelings for this girl... why is it this hard? Why can't I just forget about her?

Because it's not as easy as simply forgetting about her. Moving on and forgetting are not the same thing.

Snowflake makes an excellent point. You will never forget her, but coping with that memory is the goal. Its more about you having a plan to deal with those feelings, when you have them than trying to suppress them.

So what do you do when you have those feelings? Do you get up and get busy with something? You should.

Guys I'm still keeping strong and still in NC haven't broken it yet. It gets harder the longer you keep NCing and I feel upset with the thought that my ex with another guy right now so fast after we broke up... I'm trying to keep busy but it still hurts I don't know why...

What I did for this girl?

-i took the bus 200 miles to her and 200 miles back 3 times?
-and once I got robbed in detroit while waiting for the bus.
-i came to this school because it was closer to her
-i spent most of my time with her
-the phone bills were so much because she kept texting me and talking to me
-spent money on hotels so we can have our special night
-i waited at the bus station for 12 hours that's when she could see me
-i bought her gifts from my home town
-wrote her love letters
-slept outside because I had to wait for the bus
-ran in the rain to get her a cd of her fav band
-took her to her favourite restraurant all the time when we see each other
-did all the stuff a boyfriend was supposed to

Only for her to leave me... for another guy without hesitation

Hi None,

You were a great boyfriend to her, and cleary it is her loss. I hope you see that. You WILL find someone who you can give your love to again, but this time, the woman will love you back and treat you with respect. Keep looking forward to that. She is out there.

That list tells me that you made her life, your life. You did everything for her, and nothing for yourself. You lost yourself in this relationship and became someone she was not attracted to. You lost your individuality that drew her to you in the beginning.

You must now work toward getting that individuality back by building a life of things that you find interesting and that you love. When you get yourself back to the point where you were before you met your ex, someone a lot more special will come along. Just remember to maintain your own life and individuality when the next person comes along.

Use what you have learned and experienced in this relationship as a way to make your next relationship that much better.

As far as how I am doing at this point of my own healing process... I'm doing pretty good. I still have some down days here and there (very few). The thoughts that I have about her are only fleeting at best. I'm not angry about anything that happened, anymore. I think I have got to the point where I can say I finally let go, but not to the point of being able to see or talk to her. That will require much more time, before I could forge any sort of "friendship". Honestly as much as I would like to be friends, I don't know if I could because I don't think the feelings of true love you have for someone ever go away.

I am going out with friends and making attempts to meet new people. The only thing is, all of this going out and partying are wearing me out. I need a vacation, so I'm heading down to Florida next week with my family. It will be a welcome retreat from everything.

Keep up the good work, soon enough you will be at the point where me and many of the other posters on here are.

have fun in Florida =P. I'm going home in a couple of weeks for the summer when school is done. Can't wait either. Anyway yah I've been in NC for almost 3 weeks now and I don't think I will ever be friends with her. I'm gone from her life now completely. Sometimes I still feel confused but I'm more reassured. I don't want to fight for her anymore or wait around for her, its not worth it.

So guys week 3 of NC. It got easier than it got harder but I've come to realize it will never work out with her and I can't be with her anymore... yet I still have feelings for her and I would want to be with her if things could be different but I know they can't be. I still find myself left thinking abut her... I really don't know what to do now. Any suggestions? Something that you guys haven't told me yet. What's next?

What's your plan?? That's what you need to do. So what's your plan?

Whats your plan??? Thats what you need to do. So whats your plan??

For now get a summer job, get fit by going to the gym and go out more with my friends when I get home, I would like to meet new people, spend more time with my family and that's pretty much it I guess... seems pretty boring and routine... I'm going to keep NCing my ex and I don't even want to think about her anymore but sometmes I can't help it. Maybe find someone else afterwards when I'm done all of this I guess. Than finish school, and get a permanent job after that I don't know. Sounds like a boring life

Not very specific. What I was more interested in was the daily things you do for yourself besides the gym.

Young people seem to like to hang in crowds, but what you do without the crowd, may be a good idea to help speed the healing process, and give you some options as to new, and different people, places, and things to get involved in.

Are they're any community service organizations, that maybe deliver to older people, or clean lots, or something a strong young fellow might volunteer for?

I mean what good is a great bod, without the sound mind, and giving heart? Volunteering is truly an eye opener, and a great way to build character, meet good people, and be useful, and productive.

You aren't boring, you just don't know what to do with yourself. You had no problem giving some female your time, so give your time to someone that truly needs it.

Not very specific. What I was more interested in was the daily things you do for yourself besides the gym.

Young people seem to like to hang in crowds, but what you do without the crowd, may be a good idea to help speed the healing process, and give you some options as to new, and different people, places, and things to get involved in.

Are they're any community service organizations, that maybe deliver to older people, or clean lots, or something a strong young fellow might volunteer for??

I mean what good is a great bod, without the sound mind, and giving heart?? Volunteering is truly an eye opener, and a great way to build character, meet good people, and be useful, and productive.

You aren't boring, you just don't know what to do with yourself. You had no problem giving some female your time, so give your time to someone that truly needs it.

Yah right now my daily routine is just school and during the summer I'm going to find a job. I guess I can try to volunteer in something to help the community out. Pretty much right now the whole time, I'm trying to focus on school and all with the exams coming up but I find it hard to lately with all the drama going on and all.

My advice, find as much stuff as you can do to keep yourself occupied. You have to WANT and be WILLING to sacrifice yourself to get over this, in my opinion. I have constantly been pushing and pushing myself to the limit just to get better, help others, and build an all around decent life for myself. Am I exhausted a lot, yes, but it beats staying in and crying myself to sleep playing some love songs...

Maybe join some student groups or clubs at school. That will help you meet new people and keep you distracted.

Thx KC and JMW but yah you've guys told me that already so many times lol and thanks for telling me I need a reminder lol.

Anyway guys... I got to admit recently I feel like the darkside keeps pulling me and I keep on feeling to break NC. Haven't yet though but I have urges to. I still want her back but I know for sure it won't happen anymore so why am I still tempted. I feel like I want to know what's going on with her life and it still hurts me to think of her and the other guy.

What can I do? >_< I need HELP!!

You have to remain strong. You can't turn off these feelings over night. You just have to know that you will get over this and allow time to do its work. The best way to get time to pass is by having fun. Now go out and do something fun!

Should I break NC or keep it? I'm afraid if I break NC ill go back to square one and feel more hurt than if I don't break it.

Should i break NC or keep it? im afraid if i break NC ill go back to square one and feel more hurt than if i dont break it.


You will. And it will make you very vulnerable like it all first happened. I was in your shoes and yesterday broke NC. Now I'm back to day 1. grrrrr

My girl moved coast to coast for ME and after a year wanted space aka met another guy. She moved out to move with him after only knowing him a month.

Trust me man, she's not going to come running back and why would u want her to? All your feelings right now.. your reasons for being on here... its all her fault! Find someone better Don't BREAK NC

you will. and it will make you very vulnerable like it all first happened. I was in your shoes and yesterday broke NC. Now I'm back to day 1. grrrrr

my girl moved coast to coast for ME and after a year wanted space aka met another guy. she moved out to move with him after only knowing him a month.

trust me man, shes not gonna come running back and why would u want her to? all your feelings right now.. your reasons for being on here... its all her fault! find someone better DONT BREAK NC

Yah my ex left me for some other guy too. I don't feel like I can be with her anymore. Oh what happened when you broke nc? How'd it happen?

I gave into all her texts. If you want to fight for her you have to do so by being strong and silent. If you contact her then she wins her game and knows you're still there waiting like a puppy to cuddle with again when he doesn't work out.

And they won't work out. I feel like crap for breaking NC. I disappointed myself.

She knows you still care. Trust me. You just got to hang in there. You can PM me if you need support, I know I do. Dude we are so much better than these people. They gave up a life of honest and pure love for curiosity and fun.

NC NC NC

I played text message terrorism too lol. Man we really have no choice once we start suspecting things, it's not fair to us. And look... we were BOTH right. Dude I can relate so much thank you for posting this when you did. Let them have each other and "find themselves" and all that BS. Its an excuse to soften the blow because YES they still love us and care. But they lack the commitment necessary to have a love that is worth US caring for. Our girls were cowards and living their lives on lies, can't change their minds or their answers. Just keep going going going NC

i gave into all her texts. if you want to fight for her you have to do so by being strong and silent. if you contact her then she wins her game and knows you're still there waiting like a puppy to cuddle with again when he doesnt work out.

and they won't work out. I feel like crap for breaking NC. I disappointed myself.

she knows you still care. trust me. you just gotta hang in there. u can PM me if u need support, i know i do. dude we are so much better than these people. they gave up a life of honest and pure love for curiosity and fun.

NC NC NC

Yah. Okay. Our situation is so alike and I think we're going through the same thing. Even if she wants me back I don't think I can take her back anymore. I can try but I don't think it ll work out. We so deserve someone who will appreciate us and love us no matter what and be loyal and not bail on us for some other guy.

NC all the way. If we break it we would be just more hurt than if we don't? Actually I gave up so much for this girl too. I move away for her to be closer, I spent so much money on her and I'm a college student, I go see her 200 miles away and back and so much man. She gave me up without hesitation... I feel so used up.

Hey!

Don't break NC..! I started nc for 3 weeks, then thought I could have a friendly talk with him so I broke NC... now I have to start all over again! Trust me, you don't want to know what they are doing.. it'll just hurt you more! And why do we want more pain when we are already suffering everyday?

So keep up your NC and don't be like me... I felt so vulnerable after I talked to him... its like he moved on... but I'm still the same.. which makes me so weak... and I would hate for him to see me like this.. especially when he likes another girl... which makes me look even more bad..! So stay strong! NC NC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GK5qy_X7R8
This is how I keep myself busy :) it made me feel better, hope it does the same for you!

is that you in the video? ^ that lifted my spirits

currently resisting her texts blah no more feeding her ego to boost her eternally lacking self esteem and guilt.

none, do u have email or a messenger? Would like to talk sometime man to help each other! I'm a college student as well

Yup that's me, it made me feel like a thousand times better when I watched it :)

is that you in the video? ^ that lifted my spirits

currently resisting her texts blah no more feeding her ego to boost her eternally lacking self esteem and guilt.

none, do u have email or a messenger? would like to talk sometime man to help each other! im a college student as well

yah I do. I got msn =P what's your email? Message me or something and ill add you!

Hearbroke your video was awesome. I am a musician (with real fans) and would love to chat with u sometime as well!

hearbroke your video was awesome. i am a musician (with real fans) and would love to chat with u sometime as well!

Well I'm a starting musician, but I like editing movies and making my own :) shoot me a pvt mssg with your email, and ill hit you back up with mine

I see the sight with a different light words cannot describe the way I'm feeling because I've been searching in my head for the words I thought she said for too long... I've finally see now that she's gone. I don't know if that makes any sense what I just said lol.

Day 2 has begun. None hold on man! It's time to be happy again! Like before u met her!

well im a starting musician, but i like editing movies and making my own :) shoot me a pvt mssg with ur email, and ill hit you back up with mine

I see no option for private messaging on here :(

i see no option for private messaging on here :(



There is Pm. Go to my profile and check the left side. Anyway yah still on NC gets harder each day buddy. You hold on too man. We deserve to be happy with someone that treats us right.

It gets harder at first, but then it starts getting easier.

Update~

Okay guys its been almost 4 weeks of NC. Sometimes things are starting to look up. Got a new set of wardrobe, haircut, latest novel to read but YET sometimes memories of her still come up and I feel the need to do something or she ll be out of my life for good.

I still believe I want her to be in my life and everything would be perfect YET at the same time I don't feel like I can be with her because she's treated me horribly and I deserve someone better.

Anyway, basically I'm still confused. Any suggestions guys? I feel tempted to break NC. Do you guys believe in the quote:

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, their your's forever. If they dont, they were never yours to begin with."

Anyway what do you think I should do guys?

Step away from the computer, put on those new clothes, and show off the haircut. Seen mom lately? The idea is to change what your thinking about with some activity that you enjoy.

Anyway last night I had dinner with my family. Something strange happened. We went out for dinner and when we had our fortune cookies, mine was the only one that had 2 slips inside...

The first one says "Stop searching. Happiness will come to you."

The second one says "Tell those you love that you do."

What do you guys think about this? Its kind of ironic isn't it. Do you think the second one is telling me to tell my ex I love her? O_O weird...

NO!! Tell your family you love them instead!

NO!!! Tell your family you love them instead!!

okies tal =P

Guys why is the dark side so strong? It keeps pulling me... Im still fighting it. Staying strong. NCing but I don't know how much more I can take >_<. What can I do??

Stay strong.

The fortune cookie is not telling you to make a fool of yourself.

Watch that Gives You Hell video some more...

Tell your mom you love her. (Tell someone who cares, you know?)

Stay strong.

The fortune cookie is not telling you to make a fool of yourself.

Watch that Gives You Hell video some more......

Tell your mom you love her. (Tell someone who cares, you know?)

Okies survivor. Are you still in NC too?

"Stop searching. Happiness will come to you."

What does that really mean? O_O How will you find something if you don't look for it? I don't get it >_<

I did NC. Had weak moments, broke it, kicked myself for it and did it again until I succeeded. I know how hard it is. But, it is the only way.

I think the fortune cookies' message is to just live your life... stop focusing on the past, which you can't change, and stop worrying about the future. Enjoy the now. If that makes sense... it's late.

It's like you can't go searching for love, it will find you, when you least expect it. That is true.

Besides... it's just a fortune cookie for entertainment value. Maybe you should play the lottery tomorrow! Lol

Quit searching for happiness and let it come to you through your actions and the new people who you meet and help along the way. Don't search too hard, because if you don't find what you're looking for, you will just let yourself down. Just take life day by day, right now, and roll with the punches and the rewards.

To Journal:

Its been a long time since I've talked to you. Its been roughly about 4 weeks. I wonder what you are doing and how are you. It hurts me to know that you are with another guy right now. I just tears me completely apart after everything that happened between me and you. We fought for the relationship so hard, we fought to be together even though we were so far away from each other. In the end, we past every arguments, we would always get through it no matter what.

Now, all of a sudden you have this new guy now. You gave up on our relationship for him. Tell me now. How do you really feel? Is it worth it? Do you even miss me at all? I bet you're having the time of your life, while I am here still hung up on you. I tried to get better and I think I am very slowly with the support of my friends and others that have been in the same situation. Why is it so hard to get over you baby? I just can't seem to let go no matter how hard I try.

You don't know how much you meant to me. I though we were going to have our perfect life together with the 4 kids you want, 2 boys and twin girls you always wanted. What happened to that? I thought we were going to get married, honeymoon to Hawaii, work to save up for our trip around the world. I just started crying again. I feel like such a baby and I feel so weak. Why did you thow me away like yesterdays newspaper. I thought I meant more to you than that. Now you're going to do all the things we wanted to with this new guy now?

I've had sleepless nights, unproductive days, nightmares, heartaches because of what happened. I guess this really is the end for us. Im not going to be in your life anymore and if you ask why, then you don't know a thing about me. Do you know how much hurt it will cause me just to be your friend and not your lover after everything we shared? Why do your friends matter so much to you? Why did you always pick them over me? Just because they told you they would be disappointed in you if you choose to be with me, you choose someone they are familiar with?

I was always there for you when this guy wasn't even in the picture. Why did you tell me you were going to be with me for the rest of your life, and then leave me? I try to stay strong for myself, but the thought of you and the could have beens always tear me down. Its too late now for us. If you decide you want to be with me afterwards, I'm sorry but I can't be with you anymore. You've broke my heart, I can't ever trust you anymore, your friends are always going to be in the way and I'm not coming back to you for you to leave me again or under your terms. I want to be happy not sad. I wish things could have turned out differently.

This is goodbye forever. Ill be waiting for my happiness to come find me without you. I still love you and I always will. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Ps. Jeff

(you don't know how hard it is to write this)

I don't know what you want to send as message to her, but I would be cautious cause she might get the wrong message. Think twice before sending this to her.

I think he was just venting a message he would have sent to her.

Great vent. It always helps to get all of those feelings out in the open. I feel for you man. My ex and I talked about all of those types of things to.

Once you give yourself enough time to let your emotions settle, you will be able to look back on this relationship and see everything for what it really was.

Okay guys so yesterday, I went on Facebook and I saw that my status was no longer in a relationship with my ex and now she puts her status as in a relationship with the new guy. That really hurt. Right that instance I blocked Facebook from my laptop. Set in a random password so I can never go on it again. Sigh...

Been there, done that. If I had a dollar for every time some poor dude went on that evil website an screwed up their healing process, I would be a rich man by now...

Been there, done that. If I had a dollar for everytime some poor dude went on that evil website an screwed up their healing process, I would be a rich man by now...

Lol KC really? But yah I blocked the site now so I can never go on it again... did the same thing happen to you too?

I know, but sometimes a message like this can be a message of desperation and can backfire. I think it's better to show we moved on and are happier without them, then showing them that our life is miserable and we cannot live anymore. Do you get where I'm going with this?

She will think she owns you like a puppet and do whatever she wants with you. This is not what we suppose to do. I recommend you guys do the same, Go find yourself a new girl or new girls and date them and show your ex you got self confidence and you can get better than her, even if you think it's impossible.

This is a great opportunity to find a better girl, I can tell you I found a great girl last week and we taking our time and it's awsome. I don't feel those ugly feelings of rejection and false hope anymore, they are all gone. Our conversations are amazing and we click on many levels. Get a girl you are compatible with, you will see the light again my young jedi. Get out of the dark side!

Remember NO CONTACT, avoid her, ignore her, she's going to ask herself questions like '' Why he's not calling anymore? he doesn't care anymore? How can he be having fun without me? '' This will drive her nutts. So keep doing NC!

What I'm needing now is some sweet revenge to get back all I lost then. I gave you all I had to give but I could never reach you -_-

No, revenge is not the answer. Instead of putting your energy toward revenge, you should put it toward bettering yourself and making yourself stronger, both physically and mentally.

Fill in blank!!!

Fill in blank!!!

Huh? What do you mean?

Guys I have a question. I've been in NC with my ex for 4 weeks now and yet she doesn't even bother trying to contact me. Does she really don't give a damn about me after everything?