I've been friends with this girl I know for about 5 years now. After high school we lost touch, and about a year later (now to be precise) we started talking and hanging out again. A lot actually. Last year, she told me that she liked me a lot, but gave up when I didn't show any signs of interest. But you see, I did like her. I was just too shy to ask her out, she was absolutely gorgeous and I was just your normal average guy. I didn't think I stood a chance. I think the only reason she told me that was because she had already started dating this other guy. I felt like I blew my only chance, but I accepted my fault and moved on. However, now I find I have one more chance at making this work. Her boyfriend and her broke up around 6 months ago, so I'm hoping to rebuild on how she felt about me a year ago. See, this is where another problem arises which might risk us being together again, and it's not my shyness either.

Since she broke up with her ex, her friends have been trying to hook her up on dates with other guys. They succeeded once. When she showed the slightest bit of interest in him, he became completely obsessive of her. Of course this completely ruined his chance of being with her, she hates guys who are "clingy". They are not dating, but he still tries to control her every move. He constantly asking who she is with and what she is doing. He yells at her if she is with her other guy friends. One time he called yelling at her for hanging out with me, while I was with her (she put the phone on speakerphone). He even sometimes shows up at her house uninvited. It's easy to see that this is putting a lot of stress on her. She almost cried in front of me because of him yelling at her. She has made it clear to him that she wants nothing to do with him, but he doesn't get the hint. She has even been mean to him, so mean in fact that it would make most men cry. She just can't seem to get rid of him. He's stalking her in the sense of the word.

You see, I really like this girl. She doesn't know it yet, but I don't know if it's a good time to tell her. I really do want to, but with her being distracted by this other guy, I don't know how she will take it. Also, if this guy is already giving her this much grief, I don't know how he would react towards her if we started dating, or me. I've seen this guy, I wouldn't win. Plus I'm afraid that she might worry too much on this and her mind won't be so focused on us. Also I don't want to miss my chance again to tell her how I feel.

I guess I really don't know exactly what I'm trying to ask here, just some info on what I should do. Should I tell her and hope for the best, and then work through each problem as they arise? Or should I wait till she resolves her conflict, and hope she doesn't find someone else before she does? Just some evaluation and some general input would be nice. I'm sorry this was long and drug out, but thanks for understanding and for any help. And if anything I said isn't very clear, just let me know. I have a lot going through my mind right now. -Chillaxguy90

Should I tell her and hope for the best, and then work through each problem as they arise? Or should I wait till she resolves her conflict, and hope she doesn't find someone else before she does? Just some evaluation and some general input would be nice. I'm sorry this was long and drug out, but thanks for understanding and for any help. And if anything I said isn't very clear, just let me know. I have a lot going through my mind right now. -Chillaxguy90

Yes, tell her how you feel about her. You can't base your actions on what may happen tomorrow, take each day as it comes. Let her know exactly what you have said here, that you have had feelings for her for a long time. Be there to support her in any way that you can, and no matter what, resolve that you will be her "friend", if nothing more ever comes of it. It sounds like she needs a good friend. Listen to her, and let her know by your actions that you really care about her. I hope this helps.

Live for today, tell those you love, that you love them, tomorrow could be too late. Understand that things may not go the way you wish, but you will have peace knowing you were honest and open with those that matter to you. I wish you the very best.

I think this girl has a stalker and this is a serious dangerous issue that shouldn't be down played. Your friend might be scared of him and from his actions I would be weary of him too. She very needs to do something about by first becoming aware of this then going through the legal channels. You should talk to her about this because this guy really, I mean really, sounds scary and obsess over her. And he scares you too.

So before you express how you feel about her this issue needs to be address by talking to her and telling her your concerns.

I agree with 12Best.

When you are with her, keep it simple, and just tell the truth. She will respond and take it from there.

She may not be ready for another full blown relationship, but you will have planted a seed, and she will become aware that there are guys out there like YOU, who are not anywhere near the likes of the fellow she's trying to get rid of. That will give her hope, and probably a little confidence too.

If that is awkward, try writing (not sending email), a letter to her. Same thing, just to the point and honest. Let her know that you are there either way, and let her take it from there.

You sound like a really great guy to me. But, she won't pick up on how the relationship might evolve if you don't express yourself to her.

Best of luck. Go for it.

Thanks. I'm actually thinking of asking her on, let's say official, date tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Liz, I am expressing my concerns for her, or at least doing my best. I finally got her to break it off with him. Granted he didn't listen, but it's a start. Now I'm trying to convince her to go to her phone's service provider to block his number, and if that won't stop him, I'll press for a restraining order. This guy doesn't seem like one to be aggressive or dangerous. He actually seems like a nice guy at first glance, but I don't really know him, she does. But thank you once again.

All the best to you Chillaxguy90.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. :)

Good luck.

Yea, just enforcing what others have said. Let her know how you feel and let her decide where she wants to go from there. There's not much point waiting for her to get rid of this guy first, because she may have another problem in the future... so who knows how long you will wait.

But also continue to be a good friend and support her.

As you guys have advised, I have asked her out. And... she said yes! We are still working on a where, what, and when because of her busy schedule. Just wanted to share this with you, cause after all if it wasn't for you guys, this wouldn't have happened. Thanks all again.

Way to go!! :D

Very happy that she said YES!!

Good for you Chillaxguy90!

Well it is, and it isn't at the same time. As you know, I asked her out on a date. She said yes. See, she is very busy, and she told me she would let me know when is a good day for our date. I haven't heard anything about the date since I asked her. Sure, I've talked to her, and I even hung out with her once (with other friends), but not one word has come up. I'm afraid to bring it up myself because I don't want to sound too pressing.

Do you think I should bring it up again? It has been a week. Maybe she is second guessing her decision? We are really close, friends wise. Anymore advice? Let me know if I need to clear anything up.

Bring it up casually. Say something like "Hey when are me and you going out on that date or what happen to that date you promise me?" Watch or listen to her response and if nothing happens after that I would leave it alone because if anything the two you friendship are more important and you gave it a shot.

This is never a good sign. Being busy is just an excuse, if she wants to see you she will make the time. I think that you'll have to push the envelope a bit. Set a specific date and if she still can't nail down a specific date for you, then you know it's time to back off.

Thanks. You guys are right. Now I just have to find a way to see her. To be honest I'd rather do it in person than over txt or call, but if it comes down to it, txt or call will have to make due.

Good for you!

Okay, update with another question, so bear with me. She told me today that she is finally over her ex boyfriend. That she can now see or hear about him and truly not care anymore. Also today, I found out she has gone on a date with another guy. We still haven't had our date.

Although this was only their first date, a first date almost always leads to a second, right? I believe she is just dating around right now, because I know she isn't the type to just jump into a relationship right away.

However, I'm tired of trying to push our date into her schedule, so I think I'm just going to continue to be just her "friend" for now and maybe date someone else. If she calls me one day to make plans for our date, I'll go, but I'm not going to stress over it if she doesn't.

I am correct in doing this right? Plus I just needed to speak my mind, seems to make a lot of things easier when I do so. Thanks for bearing and being with me through all this.

Your thinking correctly and you have a right to find your happiness and not wait around for her. However, you can still remains friends with her if you can cope with only be just that.

Best of luck! Hope you find someone. Oh, it okay to vent.

I agree as well.

Remain friends, but don't let that stop you from dating, and going out and having fun.

I'm sorry it didn't work out exactly as you had hoped, but, you never know what is around the corner. :)