Well my friends, I'm back again. I've really done it good this time, I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl that I've been with since late November, she is pregnant and is keeping the baby, so I am going to most likely be a father saying the pregnancy goes as expected.

There is one problem, I don't feel like I really love her. Some of you may remember my problem with the girl back in July, if not you can always look back and read my previous threads if it interests you to get some background. Long story short, me and the girl from July have not talked since that breakup period really, but she is on Facebook and I could message her if I want.

I am missing my ex more and more each day, I don't know why. It's been 8 months no and no contact at all, but the past is becoming more and more beautiful and weights down on me more by the day, and its not good. I want so bad to message her on Facebook. I know she has a new boyfriend now.. but to set myself at ease do I message her and see if she still has any feelings for me?

No, you have a responsibility to the unborn child and messaging your ex is only going to fuel a fire you don't want. This could all be because of the fatherhood world staring back at you in the mirror. It's a very scary thing

Instead of thinking about the past concentrate on your girlfriend and the family you are creating.

It's time to move forward with your life and be a dad.
It is certainly a BIG change, so you must take everything in stride and be there for your girl and unborn child.

Everything tends to look more glamorous when there is something you fear in front of you... Rome (had to spread the rep) is right, in my opinion. You are over glorifying your ex and those times because you have no attachment to them, really. You can be as happy as you want with those memories, however your current situation is real, and will not just go away. Good luck to you. Stick to your current girlfriend, and spoil your child rotten! :)

Do what you want.

If you want to go back in the past your going to go through a lot of crap to get there. First you'll have to tell your girlfriend, get some custody agreement for your child, move to where ever your ex is , try to work things with her. [I]By the way ex's are your ex's for a reason.. If this sounds too complicated for you and she's not worth what you'd be putting everyone through then my suggestion to you is to delete her off Facebook. Yep, cut all ties. When an ex starts to interfere with you current relationship it's time to let go or go back.


Whichever road you choose your going to have to deal with the responsibilities that come with it.

If your not "in love" with your current girlfriend then I suggest you tell her now so she stops filling her head with the image of a perfect family. Come up with like I said some sort of custody for the child- get a lawyer so it's not he said/she said later on if any of you become spiteful.

Well good-luck to you!

MRS.S

Warning, may be harsh to sensitive readers!!

Aw poor baby needs someone to kiss his boo boo, and make it better.

You knock a chick up, you don't care about up, and now you want to drag an ex, who has moved from your life into that mess??

Grow up, and deal with your own problems, and leave the ex alone.

If you don't care about the current girl, OK, move on but you will have to be responsible as a father, meaning child support for the next 18 plus years.

After that, you don't have anyone, so you remember the good ( often making it better than normal). So you have to start moving on for the future, and forget the past

No, your as moved on and so has you so by back track? What are you expecting the outcome to be from your ex? That maybe she'd drop her boyfriend for you because you've feelings for her? Please!

Stop going out and looking for your ex. Stop viewing her Facebook and focusing on your life because it's about to change in a big way. If you was never over your ex you shouldn't had started a new relationship with someone else and than start a family with her because it is unfair. Time to facing reality instead of living in a fantasy.

Talaniman;1598900]Warning, may be harsh to sensitive readers!!

Aw poor baby needs someone to kiss his boo boo, and make it better.

Is this a joke? Prove my point some more, please I revel in it. You need to stop because your ego isn't doing anything but making yourself look like a complete idiot. Who does THAT help huh? Nicely done. Get over yourself.

High Max,

Here's what I really think is going on. You are probably scared about being a father, and as you admit it's probably not going to be in a family situation, so what you are doing subconsciously is looking back to a good time in your life. Because our brain lies to us and we never remember the bad times in a relationship, the first "good" example you come to is between you and your ex. Plus this cements the fact that it is truly over which even though you knew, this is real proof.

At this point you have to focus on yourself and the baby. To be honest, I think this should be easy. You can get some books on parenting and study those. Once the baby arrives, being busy won't be a choice, so that will actually make it easier.

About the child support, she actually said since she didn't give me a choice in whether she was keeping the baby that I could walk away and she would not take me to court for child support.. I feel like I would be letting everyone I know down and going against everything I was taught in doing so, but it would be a much easier way out at the same time.

I've dated and went out with so many girls since July, but they still have not matched how pretty and nice my ex used to be, I think that's the problem.

Life isn't about taking the easy way out, you man up and take care of that child. Do not listen to her, you do what a man is supposed to do and be there as a father figure.

About the child support, she actually said since she didnt give me a choice in whether or not she was keeping the baby that I could walk away and she would not take me to court for child support.. I feel like I would be letting everyone I know down and going against everything I was taught in doing so, but it would be a much easier way out at the same time.

I've dated and went out with so many girls since July, but they still have not matched how pretty and nice my ex used to be, I think thats the problem.

I think the problem is that you still compare everyone to your ex... that isn't fair, to anyone you date!

I think part of it is that I'm worried that I'm going to screw things up like I did with my ex, and that if I truly let her in my heart that she is going to tear it out. I read all of the posts here and read about the ratio of successful to bad relationships, and quite frankly I'm terrified of going through that kind of pain again.

You only get out of something what you put in. If you go into it half a$$ed then you will get half a$$ results. If you are going to be afraid to get hurt again, you will be alone for life! Perhaps you should just calm down for awhile, and have fun. You have been dating, which is a good thing. You don't have to fall in love with everyone you date.

High Max, I was where you were. Completely mortified of my heart getting broken again, but if you want a success story, message me. I am now with a woman who is the best thing for me, she fits my personality perfectly and understands me better than anyone else. We are engaged and going to be married next June. We argue sure, but this site has taught me so much that I feel every argument can be solved peacefully and correctly through solid communication

I've dated and went out with so many girls since July, but they still have not matched how pretty and nice my ex used to be, I think thats the problem.

Uh correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you ex dump you for another guy? What the F-ing hell is so nice about her?

I'm also getting a little tired of this my ex was so good looking BS that keeps popping up here. You know who else was good looking, Elvis Presley, Anna Nicole Smith, and Marilyn Monroe, Brittany Spears, and Lindsay Lohan. Guess what, they all died or are on there way to it because they have so many drug problems because at their very core they can't accept who they are and be happy with it. But there good looking, so we should bend over and kiss there a$$ - right? Please.

I think part of it is that im worried that im going to screw things up like I did with my ex,

Perhaps you will. I screwed for years. At some point you have to accept you are human, and you will screw up.


and that if I truly let her in my heart that she is going to tear it out.

Only give 50% in the relationship. If she takes more, then you get out, she's not in the relationship to use you, and if she starts to give her the boot. You don't deserve that.


I read all of the posts here and read about the ratio of successful to bad relationships, and quite frankly im terrified of going through that kind of pain again.



I hear you. It sucks, worse then anything when you are in emotional pain. But you also have learned from it, and the truth is as I look back at all my pain, I wonder if I would have ever learned anything if I had not gone through the pain. If I had not gone through the pain, would I have found the courage to improve myself? If I had not gone through the pain, would I have a vision and base to draw from to help others? If I had not gone through the pain, would I have ever grown as a person? Pain sucks. Taking pain and become stronger and smarter because of can't be topped.

Uh correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you ex dump you for another guy? What the F-ing hell is so nice about her?


No, what happened was I neglected her and got too comfortable and used to her being around, and then she left, and I realized the mistake too late.

Max,

Stop being a child, your about to have one! Stop looking to the past for reasons to bail.

Be a man, strap on a pair and deal with the situation you've created.

You say that you'll let down everyone if you walk away from this lady and pay no child support? Well, you'll be a f-in ******* so yeah, I'd say you'd be letting them down? But you'll be letting yourself down more.

Raising a child is not easy and not cheap! If this lady has the strength of character to take this all on, well I have immense respect for her. But you made half of this baby and you need to take responsibility for your actions.

Welcome to the real world.

No, what happened was I neglected her and got too comfortable and used to her being around, and then she left, and I realized the mistake too late.

Okay you recognize your mistakes good but do you think it's fair to screw someone else over because of it? You have to learn that once you made your bed you've to lay in it and what is done and the past is the past.

Focusing on the things that are present in your life insead of your past. And even though you have these feelings for your ex who is to say that she feels the same and is just going drop everything for you because I really don't see that happening.

I don't understand why this is happening, I feel like a new comer here posting about how he misses his ex. Everyone else here got over it and moved on, but its been almost eight months and I still have not stopped thinking about her since the day she walked out.

I think it has something to do with you still blaming yourself for this whole thing. As long as that cloud still hangs above your head, you can't expect to truly move on.

Use condoms, as you don't use your brain

The weirdest part about it, is that the images and memories become more appealing and beautiful by the day, even before I met this current girl that I am with. I guess I haven't forgiven myself for making the biggest mistake of my life, because she was it. The cutest, nicest, most sexy girl to ever give me a chance gone, and it was because I became too cocky. I screwed it up big time and she's gone.

The funniest thing is, is that I haven't even talked to her since last September, so its not like I have been keeping in contact with her to fuel the fire so to speak, we have had NO CONTACT at all for almost a year now. Isn't this supposed to get better in time, not worse?

use condoms, as you dont use your brain

Wow... the world must look pretty small from your high perch huh? Wish I could be as decent and perfect as you are.

As for Max, nothing gets better until you learn to forgive yourself. When you do that, you progress... when you constantly hold yourself in contempt, it doesn't matter what you do, you still won't get over her. You are human, and that is no way to live life. Not only can you learn to accept responsibility and own up for your mistakes, but you must learn to accept there is nothing you can do to change them. Focus on the future, not the past.

use condoms, as you dont use your brain

For your information, she was on a very effective birth control with almost a 100% success rate, but an antibiotic messed with the medication and did not allow it to work.

You have to let go, I mean really let go and accept that it is over. When thoughts of her enter your mind try to think of something else because as long as you hold on to those thoughts it will continue to mess with your head and bring back all those old feelings.

The funniest thing is, is that I havent even talked to her since last September, so its not like I have been keeping in contact with her to fuel the fire so to speak, we have had NO CONTACT at all for almost a year now. Isn't this supposed to get better in time, not worse?

What I don't understand is.. If you were still in love with her why would you go after someone else? [I am confused or am I in the right?].

Well I guess now all you can do, as suggestedd various times, is to delete her off Facebook so you don't scroll to her page and mesmerize. Either that or like I told you before, take care of your responsibilities as a man [tell the current girlfriend what is going on,pay child support, get custody, etc].

So make up your mind: go back to your ex, or stay with your current girlfriend, either way take responsibilites for your actions.

MRS.S

There is no going back to her, the girl hates me, its been pretty well established months ago.

There is no going back to her, the girl hates me, its been pretty well established months ago.

Ah, well then. You just need to accept what you did wrong, move on with your life. With feelings like these I think it's best not to be in a relationship.

MRS.S

Hi Max,

Whether she hates you or not, you should be concentrating on your current girlfriend and the baby. If in fact you don't love your current girlfriend, you may want to let her go, but you will be responsible for child support and you are going to be a parent whether you are in the relationship or not. But, as far as your ex, you need to let her go, and get on with your life.