I love two men. One is my husband now, the other is a 'lost love' from a few years ago. I was really in love with Mark in Chicago. Mark got a job in Europe - when I went to visit him I had a job interview and got a job offer myself at the same location. But I came back for a few more months to Chicago before moving to Europe. I thought this was all I have ever wanted. But back in Chicago, I was pursued by a colleague, Jason. I have known Jason for years, he was very attractive, brilliant, kind guy - but married. However he just got separated from his wife and I was the re-bound girl. I was falling in love with him. I also had a job offer close to Chicago. I had to choose between them - I had two job offers and two men I loved separated by an ocean. This was definitely one of the deepest holes I ever found myself in - I simply could not choose. I stopped going to work and even eating. Mark was really encouraging me to move to Europe, Jason was getting close and pushing me away at the same time. Jason did not want me to stay because of him in Chicago (although he was upset about the idea of me moving with Mark) and he was concerned I was developing feelings for him (as he was still getting over his wife), That pushed me to the move to Mark. This happened 3 years ago. I am married to Mark now, but could not get over Jason. I quite often wonder what would have happened if I stayed in Chicago. I do not keep in contact with him at all anymore. But I still dream with him very often at night and feel very disturbed when I hear about him: I still love him very much, and I think he is my soul-mate. In my heart I always wanted him to come to me and want me back. I am considering to go and see him sometime just to get a reality check - would that be a mistake? He is about the propose to his girlfriend (as I heard from friends). How to STOP this turmoil in my heart? Someone talk some sanity into me please.

Leave Jason alone because like you he has moved on and have someone like you.

To get over him you need get out of your thoughts and if you need to see a counselor than do so.

However going to see will only cause more harm than good.

Let me summarize, so I can get a clear picture here:

1. You were madly in love with Mark
2. You suddenly fell madly in love with Jason
3. Jason pushed you to pursue your opportunity in Europe, so you "chose" Mark instead
4. You realize that Jason is now your soul-mate, even though you are now married to Mark

Is this it?

I guess the first thing that popped into my head is this: If you were EVER so madly in love with Mark, then how was it so easy for Jason to sweep you off your feet? Now, I am sure some will be wondering what my point here is, but I think that if you read my summary, you should see it.

The reality is your married. Why jeprodize your marriage just for a reality check?

One is my husband now, the other is a 'lost love' from a few years ago.
Lost love says it all.He is lost to you.You are not in a position to contact him so that you can try to recapture *what could have been*.

It is a fantasy that feels great because you do not have the reality of a real relationship with its myriad of ups and downs.

See it for the fantasy it is and concentrate on improving your marriage.Something must be lacking for your thoughts to always stray to the past.

Leave Jason alone altogether, and focus on Mark, and soon, Jason will be in the past, and Mark will be enjoying your FULL attention.

I think we all have past loves we think about, that normal and human, as long as thoughts, don't turn into actions, or lead to bad behavior.

Here is the reality check:

You go and visit Jason, now you re-open that old infatuation.

So now you are stuck with your decision all over again.

Commit yourself to Mark as you have committed yourself to him before God and focus all of your energy into your marriage. What you are doing to Mark is not fair and although you will never know what your relationship with Jason could have been, you have made a choice.

You will never stop wondering, but with commitment to your marriage you can see a happier time.

Thank you all for your answers! It is interesting how you all agree - I think I must take your advice. I was very surprised myself how Jason could sweep me off my feet 3 yrs ago. Sometimes just talking about it and listening to what other people think helps.. but for the record - love is complicated.