Hi,
My husband is confused and don't understand me this days everything
I do he takes it in wrong way, we're 10 year of age different
His 40 I'm 30 and I have 12 years old son and 6 years old daughter
Past 3 years I see a different on his behavior and more selfishness on him
This days the communication is very poor on him his responds are worthless talk
He get mad at me for little things and Past few days his face was down
And I asked him, if any think bothering you, your face doesn't look happy? He did'nt answer me
So I told him let me go through the phone and I'll tell you why your face down,
The call's that he made was his friends and families so I didn't bother saying anything
But his mom and sis all ways says stuff or ask money than he try to hide from me once
I found out he lie and he get mad "when I talk about it"
So I though it could be that, so I did won't any problem because we been going through lots
Of problem and I left later he called on my cell he goes who are you to ask me if my face is down
Are you doctor,. who who are you to go through my cell phone.
This two question hurt me more than I went through lots of problem with him
But this two words were very strong it hurt my heart.
This day's I feel like hurt and most painful thing is in the world is realizing I think his my world
But for him I'm nothing, it wasn't like this before why is he behaving like this?
Is it because his 40
Is it because his family or friends talk stuff to use hime
Is it because he doesn't love me anymore we lived together for so many years and had childrenn
Is it he like to go back his young age

I don't know...
All I do I pray...
All my like I never hurt him, I never let work hard, I never let him take care our kids I do everything
We Work together we own a business I try to do everything at work, I been taking care of the accounting
Too at work past 10 years but last year he took over the accounting from me and he ask me what I'm doing with the money
I got hurt I couldn't talk back because I never took or save single penny for me
When I saw him first he had only 15 thousand worth of stuff now with house is worth more than million
We work to gather to make this stage since I was 16 I'm with him. He know but he doesn't won't me
To handle any money any more I don't know why?
At work all the customer and families says I'm hard worker and smart lady
Is it because of that .
I feel like his jealousness this days on me, he doesn't like me dressing up or putting make up
Or running business front of others smart . He won't me to be under him and work hard
His asking me who's the man in the house.
HE NEVER CAME OUT WITH ME TO MY FAMILY'S PARTY I WENT BY Myself BUT
FOR HIS FAMILY I ALWAYS WENT WITH HIM
DO I HAVE TO BE DUM AND STUPID AND WORK HARD AND BE UNDER HIM
TO HIM TO LOVE ME AND RUN MY FAMILY LIFE?

We did love each other and got married

Have you been to marriage counciling? If so continue to go, if not do attend or go to your pastor for guidance.

I'm sorry your going through a tough time in your marriage right now, but then again everyone else hits a bump in thiers once in a while.

Have you tried telling him how you feel and what he has done to hurt you? Try and be specific about what he did. So instead of saying "You hurt me alot" you can say "You hurt me when ________.". Also try not to point out so many "YOU did this, YOU never do that". The more YOU's you use in a negative manner the more likely he is to think your picking on him and he'll stop listening. Try "We used to do it like this before, I liked it when you _____".

Good luck to you.

MRS.S

I honestly feel that counseling is needed. Even if he does not want any. You have a choice to go yourself. To sort out your feelings and thoughts. It sounds like this is a rough patch and the only way to keep it going is by somehow opening up communication with each other, or even trying a new approach on the situation at hand.

You both love each other, and it sounds like he has a lot of pressure but both of you need to work together. It may be hard and diffucult but I wish you the best of luck and I do hope and pray that things will work out the best for Both of you.

Joe

Diane,

It's clear to me that you are a strong, passionate, capable woman who can, from the age of 16, work together with someone else and build a wealthy and strong business and life. Take a moment to give yourself some credit. Enjoy the fact that, no matter what happens with your husband, you have already proven to yourself that you have everything you need INSIDE OF YOU to build anything in your life that you choose.

Now, about your husband, don't take anything he does or says personally. And this isn't just advice for him; it's advice for everyone you deal with in your life. Don't take what other people do personally. Why? Because the things they say, the way they act, talk, or what they do has everything to do with them (and how they're feeling, thinking at that moment) than it has to do with you.

Nothing other people do is because of you; it's because of them. We teach people how to treat us. If you are working so hard, why are you not taking any of that hard earned money that you earned and spending it on you.

I can understand the idea of family loyalty, of respecting your husband, even of deferring to what's best for the family but, Diane, what's best for the family is that you live your happiest, healthiest, most peaceful life in a state of well being and divine health that you were born to have. If you aren't living that, it's not benefitting your husband. It's not benefitting your children.

You need to stand up for yourself. You need to look yourself in the mirror (again, this about you, not him) and say to yourself, "Diane, I love you. I really, really love you" and you need to say that as many times as it takes, Diane, for the emotion to break through and for you to realize that yes, you love who you are, yes, you deserve the best, and yes you choose your life.

Remember what Maya Angelou says: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."
But also remember what Louise L. Hay says, "My thoughts create my life. I now choose positive, fulfilling thoughts." It's a choice. You can choose it...

Unhappily Married (http://predivorceplaybook.blogspot.com)

Thank's
But I need more help on this,

Everything that you need is within you. You've been alone in this marriage for some time. At this point, you've got 2 choices:
1) Stay in this marriage with him and accept him for who he is, where he is and deal with the fact that you're going to continue to go to parties alone, you're not going to have access to the money you make, and he's going to be the way he or is
Or
2) Leave him, start a new life, and decide for yourself what you want and have access to money, resources, and do as you please.

Other options require that he agrees that there's a problem, that he says he's willing to change and you don't have control over whether he wants to change or not. The only person you have control over is you.

Hope this helps...

Even to see a counseling nothing we have done in our life, the question they going to be asked...
All we did was worked and had children and the end I found no love and carrying from him.
Now people are pointing to be saying because he's 40 his going through mid age or what ever...
How do I deal with that.

Guys!
See here I like to run family better, I know lot of people went to counselling than got divorce.
Right now I'm fighting with my heart I need help from you guys to know what 40 age do and
How can I deal with it.

I have to be happy, in order to be happy with my family.

When we had problem I did talk to him and explain to him how much I love him
And how much I need this family to be happy and how we could work out on our life but it doesn't seems like helping

I am different from other girls, I like to work things harder till I die...
I really need advice,

Thanks

But you're expecting your happiness to come from him. It doesn't. It comes from you. Even in the darkest of places, light can be found. It is not up to him to make you happy. You either have to accept him for who he is and find your own outlets for happiness (if what you want to do is preserve the marriage no matter what) or you have to say to yourself, "Can I really do this for the rest of my life and be the person I was born to be?" and answer that question honestly.

Yes, it's important to keep your family together. Yes, you love him and want things to work out but it's not about whether someone loves you; it's about whether they wake up everyday and CHOOSE you. It doesn't sound like he's choosing you and, honestly, it doesn't sound like you're choosing you either.

Your happiness is not his job; it's yours and if you want this marriage to remain in tact, you're going to have to find a way to be happy with yourself and let the other stuff not bother you.

I guess I'll try it
Sound much better and I hope I could do this
I feel sad that I have work this out myself.
I never thaought in my life I'll be left a lone .
But like you said I'll try to make myself happy.

Thank you

It's seems so hard to do this ,
I feel like I lost myself and when I look at him he feel so strange to me.
Looks like he's cutting me little by litte going away from me.
Why:(
Last time we had argument he told me he won't be like before.
And he won't come out with me as a couple.

We're working together every day, but it feel's like I'm working with stranger, We are talking but is only about work. I can't laugh anymore
I FEEL LIKE I LOST SOMETHING ON ME.
IT'S FEEL SO EMPTY ON MY HEART AND IT HURTS. Every move he makes act like stranger with me, is not like before totally different man I see I can't leave him and I can't live like this (

Then you'll have to be okay with going out by yourself and enjoy your own company. If you can't be okay with going out by yourself and he refused to go out with you as a couple, you're at an impasse and the only choice you have is to leave him. Either way, your level of misery is yours to choose. I don't know why you're putting up with this. I understand family reasons but he's not putting forth any effort to be there for you. Is that the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Sounds very lonely to me. Either way, you choose...

Pre-Divorce Planning For Smart People (http://predivorceplaybook.blogspot.com)

All I did was, what's best for hime and our family till today,

I'm thinking if any other women involed in this
Problem ?

I really like to know why man says like that
Won't come out as a couple
What can be causing to do that? What was he thinking in his own mind when he use those words on me.

Just a advice I need

I don't know how to make myself happy,
In my life since I start to know what happiness and love is from him (16 years of age) he give me that and he tached every think in my life now him walking away from it is very pain full and I don't know how to deal with it and I'm only 30 I'm older to understand what's going to be happeing next.

I'm the same person he saw me when I was 16,and The Love, honestness, Faithfullness, every is same. Why why can he understand me.

ONE day you will miss me tha same way I missed you,

But then it will be to late... because
I'll be over you

He sayed he would never leave me alone
So why did he?
THREE WORDS:
HE
BROKE
ME

TIME WILL FIX MY HEART...
BUT THE SCARS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE...

YOU DON'T DIE FROM A BROKEN HEART
ONLY YOU WISH YOU DID.

I try to laugh about it, cover it all up with lies,
I try to laugh about it hiding the tears in my eyes front my kids.
I WISH YOU COULD LOVE ME AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU

I'm so sick of my heart
Leading me places where there can be no happy ending

NOTHING IS MORE PAINFUL THEN REALIZING
I MENT NOTHING TO HIM ,
AND HE MENT EVERYTHING TO YOU

Diane, it sounds like he's controlling more and more of your life, and wants less and less openness.

That he took control of the company business finances from you speaks a lot. So too does his loaning money to his family without your permission.

He doesn't participate with your family, but you participate in his family gatherings.

You do all the work and receive none of the benefit, not even a thank you, and acknowledgement for the juggling of home/family and business.

Now he controls what you wear too? That is normally a sign of a very controlling person.

In answer to one of the things you asked. I don't think it is because he has hit 40, but it is strange that all these changes have come about since he did.

Has he ever been physically aggressive with you? Or emotionally or verbally abusive?

If my husband were to have suddenly cut me off from bank accounts, had little to do with me, questioned me having the nerve to question his actions, or attempted to tell me how to dress or behave, I'd have some serious concerns about why.

It is worth it in my opinion to keep trying to communicate with him. Arrange for a sitter no matter what. Go out for a quiet dinner and just spend some time together. See if he is willing to talk, but don't push it. It may be a good place to start by showing him you are willing to talk to him, not over the phone, but in a nice, quiet place away from kids, family and the business.

He may give you answers, who knows, but he needs to give you some honest answers, and you deserve the truth, whether its good or bad.