View Full Version : How is this one? Do rate it
giri_passport
Mar 10, 2009, 01:24 AM
A grieving heart :(
When the heart seems nothing but an empty ocean,
Then the heart is suffering in more ways than one...
When the eyes start getting moist without any reason,
Then the heart is suffering in more ways than one...
When there seems to be misery in every walk of life,
There seem to be no ways to end the pain and strife...
When even loved ones fail to soothen the soul,
To create havoc in thy life,it feels like even destiny is on a roll...
When nothing you do seems to be going right,
Then its time to get away and try to be alone,out of everyone's sight...
A few moments with yourself where there is reasonng and thinking,
May pave out the way for a lovely new happiness and self awakening...
Mny a times a thousand words spoken when deeply hurt,
Fall short of expressing what a grieving heart indeed meant...
-----------------------------------Giridhar
artlady
Mar 10, 2009, 01:31 AM
Beautiful! Very heartfelt and touching!
I love the passage that includes self awakening.. excellent!
Clough
Mar 10, 2009, 01:33 AM
A grieving heart :(
When the heart seems nothing but an empty ocean,
Then the heart is suffering in more ways than one....
When the eyes start getting moist without any reason,
Then the heart is suffering in more ways than one.....
When there seems to be misery in every walk of life,
There seem to be no ways to end the pain and strife....
When even loved ones fail to soothe the soul,
To create havoc in thy life, it feels like even destiny is on a roll....
When nothing you do seems to be going right,
Then its time to get away and try to be alone, out of everyone's sight.....
A few moments with yourself where there is reasoning and thinking,
May pave out the way for a lovely new happiness and self awakening.....
Many times a thousand words spoken when deeply hurting,
Fall short of expressing what a grieving heart indeed is feeling....
-----------------------------------Giridhar
Hi, giri_passport!
I like it! I've just made a few, minor changes to it that are marked in red.
Did you write this because of the way that you might be feeling, please?
Thanks!
giri_passport
Mar 10, 2009, 01:36 AM
Hi Artlady,
Thanks for your encouraging words... Even the minutest of appreciation for my writings pushes me to do better the next time I decide to write...
giri_passport
Mar 10, 2009, 01:40 AM
Hi Clough,
I have started looking forward to your feedback in every poem that I post here :)... And your suggestions/observations are always worth heeding to... Thanks
Clough
Mar 10, 2009, 01:41 AM
Hi again, giri_passport!
I notice now that you've posted a number of times in the Writing forum topic area. I'm sorry that I haven't responded to your threads!
Thanks!
giri_passport
Mar 10, 2009, 01:50 AM
Hi Clough,
It's fine if you do not find time to comment sometimes... I understand that we all have our chores to look into before we look to help others... As for your question, I am not totally depressed and writing this... Yeah but I can sometimes imagine situations on which I want to write
Clough
Mar 10, 2009, 01:52 AM
Are you into music at all? What I mean specifically is, do you play a musical instrument or have you ever written the words to a song?
Thanks!
giri_passport
Mar 10, 2009, 01:56 AM
No I haven't written particularly for a song... And unfortunately I do not play any instruments... I really believe that a poem written once is not perfect 99% of the times... It has to go through a conscious refinement of words and phrases,to make it more meaningful... If this refinement helps my poems to fit as songs,I would be really happy but frankly I have not tried it yet
Clough
Mar 10, 2009, 02:01 AM
If you might want to try writing the lyrics to songs, I can show you how they might fit to music. I've done that a number of times on this site with people.
Do you know someone who plays the piano or maybe an instrument where a person can play single note melodies like a flute or maybe the guitar?
I know that you have the ability and that you would be good at writing lyrics! It shows in the poetry that you've written!
Thanks!
giri_passport
Mar 10, 2009, 02:08 AM
I do have a room mate who is trying his hands at guitar :) But sir, I really feel all this is very new to me... Till now I have just thought of different situations and things and written my poems... But fitting them to songs might seem something new and interesting too
Clough
Mar 10, 2009, 02:11 AM
We can do this, giri_passport! I'll show you how, if you would like to do it.
Do you have pianos or keyboards where you are, please?
Thanks!
giri_passport
Mar 10, 2009, 02:13 AM
I do not have any instruments here sir... Actually I am at my workplace... I am a software engineer :) I manage to post here when the workload is less
Clough
Mar 10, 2009, 02:20 AM
You would have an keyboard HERE (http://www.bgfl.org/bgfl/custom/resources_ftp/client_ftp/ks2/music/piano/index.htm). I can even show you how to play it!
giri_passport
Mar 10, 2009, 02:26 AM
Yes I do have the virtual keyboard open now... Looks great to try :) You seem to be an expert in such things
Clough
Mar 10, 2009, 02:30 AM
Thanks!
Please click on the following link.
YouTube - Edward and Bella - River flows in you (twilight) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TBDrp-Qjpc)
I can write and play pieces like that. It's a very pretty piece, and you could have a piece/song that's your very own that's similar!
Thanks!
giri_passport
Mar 10, 2009, 02:46 AM
Its Unfortunate that I am not able to access that link you gave :( These are company policies to block entertainment related links... However I will have a look at it from home and let you know whether I am able to proceed... Thanks a ton Clough
Clough
Mar 10, 2009, 03:01 AM
I do understand, and I will look forward to working with you later, if writing a song is something that you would like to do! Right now, it's very early in the morning for me, and I need to get some sleep!
My current time is 4:58 A.M. I'll be back on this site in about twenty or twenty-two hours.
I hope that you might be here also!
Thanks!
giri_passport
Mar 10, 2009, 03:10 AM
Oops... its high time you catch some sleep... Take care... Yeah I will be available at this time also tomorrow
Clough
Mar 11, 2009, 01:54 AM
I'm here right now giri_passport, but not for long because it's starting to get very late for me...
If I new more about when you're usually on here, it would help! It also probably would be good to be on at the same time when you're at home and not at your workplace.
Thanks!
giri_passport
Mar 11, 2009, 01:59 AM
Hi Clough... its really nice of you to find a time where you can help me improve :)... for me it is, 2:30 PM now... I will be available for another 4 hours... and I spend about 8-10 hours in office... so if you consider my time,I will be in office from 3 hours before now till 4 hours after this time... hope this is not too confusing
Clough
Mar 11, 2009, 02:10 AM
I won't be able to be on here much longer because it's 4:07 A.M here. Are you ever able to be on much later in your evening or even late at night or very early in your morning?
I'm not trying to be pushy at all, but you are on the other side of the world from me!
Thanks!
Clough
Mar 11, 2009, 03:02 AM
Did you watch and listen to the video for which I provided a link?
Thanks!
giri_passport
Mar 20, 2009, 04:10 AM
Hello sir,
Sorry for not replying for so long... I was caught up with loads of work and hence I couldn't login to this site... Yeah I had a look at the link given by you and its awesome... Thanks a ton for the link... I had a doubt which I feel you can clear... I came across the course offerings from 'writersbureau.com'... I wanted to knoe if this is authentic... also,the website talks about members making a lot of money well more than the amount they spent on the course... is it possible? I know its not good to make opinions about such things because they might work wonders for few people and they might fail drastically for others... but still I look forward to your opinion on this... I am interested to take up the course if it helps me improve my skills
Clough
Mar 21, 2009, 01:05 AM
Hi, giri_passport!
I don't know about writersbureau.com but maybe you might find something on the following search that will be helpful to you.
"writersbureau.com" Scam - Google Search (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=%22writersbureau.com%22+Scam)
There also might be someone else on this site who knows about that.
I'm glad that you liked what was on the link that I gave to you! :)
Thanks!