I know this is long to read, but i need help in order to keep my sanity.

This is my situation:
- I am 19 and I am pregnant with my long time boyfriend. It wasn't planned and we obviously took precautions to avoid it from happening, but I guess something went wrong and I ended up pregnant anyway. But nonetheless, I was not dissapointed and made a commitment that I would become a mom (earlier than most) and that I would do everything in my power in order to make sure I can provide this baby with a happy healthy life. I have been saving up my money for a long time now and will have a lot when the baby finally comes around to last us for at least a little bit..
I was in college last year but had decided to take a year off to really figure out what I wanted to do in life and was planning on going back to university this up-coming septembre, but now, with the baby due in August, I decided that I would just push school back another year. My boyfriend on the other hand is in college at the moment and graduating this year.

Now where everything seems to be going wrong:
- Ever since I got pregnant, I feel like I've been losing everything that surrounds me and no one seems to understand nor care. My boyfriend still gets to live his life because he's still at school with our friends, but yet I seem to be losing all of mine. I was extremely sick during the first 4 months of the pregnancy so I couldn't do much, but ever since the sickness calmed down, it still seems like I don't get to see anyone anymore. I even lost my best friend as a best friend and is now just a friend that I am lucky if I get to see her once a month. Other than that, I live in a small town, far from the city where everyone else is, so I can't just hop on the bus and go see anyone, therefore, I don't really see anyone at all except my familly, my boyfriend, and occasionally, a friend here and there. I try to go out and see friends, but its so hard to try to make plans to work around their schedule and mine.
- My boyfriend is studying in police foundations, therefore, after college, he could get a job with the police if he wanted too, but he doesn't feel like its really for him like he used to (he doesn't want to be a cop which in a way was a relief for me because I couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to him), but now with the whole baby situation, since I won't be able to work for a bit, he is despretaly trying to find any job that has a good pay in order to support us but with no luck so far.
Its come down to the point where he is considering going into policing just to guarantee him a good pay for a couple of years, but you never know what's going to happen on the job and its got me worried. But not only that, but if he does end up joining the policing, he will most likely have to move across the country for a minimum of 6 months, leaving me alone with the baby unless I follow him there. If I do follow him there, then I am leaving everything that I had left around here, but if I don't follow him, I don't know how I would be able to take care of the baby by myself and afford it without him.. and I just don't know if I could be happy with him not around :(

I just feel that although I love this baby even if its not here yet, I am losing my mind trying to figure out if it would even be possible for me to still have friends left when I come back from across the country, how long will it take before I finally get the chance to go back to school in order to pursue my dream... :confused:
It just feels like I've lost so much because of the pregnancy and if I have to go, ill lose pretty much everything I had left to end up with nothing but him and the baby. Im so scared I'm going to end up being a friendless old lady one day that I feel so pathetic... :(

I don't know what to do! I don't know how to try to be happy when inside, I am falling apart. I don't know how to plaster a smile on my face when tears threathen to start pouring every time someone mentions what's going on. I try sssoooo hard to keep a positive attitude and telling myself that everything will work out in the end, but sometimes, I feel like I try so hard to convince myself that I find myself having trouble believing it. I try to look forward to things instead of dreading them, but now with the latest news of maybe having to lose everything I have left, I feel like my control is officially gone and tears just keep coming. I try to keep myself distracted but its just now working!
What can I do before I completely lose it? Lose everything? :confused:

I know this is long to read, but i need help in order to keep my sanity.

This is my situation:
- I am 19 and i am pregnant with my long time boyfriend. It wasnt planned and we obviously took precautions to avoid it from happening, but i guess something went wrong and i ended up pregnant anyways. But nonetheless, i was not dissapointed and made a commitment that i would become a mom (earlier than most) and that i would do everything in my power in order to make sure i can provide this baby with a happy healthy life. I have been saving up my money for a long time now and will have alot when the baby finally comes around to last us for at least a little bit..
I was in college last year but had decided to take a year off to really figure out what i wanted to do in life and was planning on going back to university this up-coming septembre, but now, with the baby due in August, i decided that i would just push school back another year. My boyfriend on the other hand is in college at the moment and graduating this year.

Now where everything seems to be going wrong:
- Ever since i got pregnant, i feel like i've been losing everything that surrounds me and no one seems to understand nor care. My boyfriend still gets to live his life because he's still at school with our friends, but yet i seem to be losing all of mine. I was extremely sick during the first 4 months of the pregnancy so i couldnt do much, but ever since the sickness calmed down, it still seems like i dont get to see anyone anymore. I even lost my best friend as a best friend and is now just a friend that i am lucky if i get to see her once a month. Other than that, i live in a small town, far from the city where everyone else is, so i can't just hop on the bus and go see anyone, therefore, i dont really see anyone at all except my familly, my boyfriend, and occasionally, a friend here and there. I try to go out and see friends, but its so hard to try to make plans to work around their schedule and mine.
- My boyfriend is studying in police foundations, therefore, after college, he could get a job witht the police if he wanted too, but he doesnt feel like its really for him like he used to (he doesnt want to be a cop which in a way was a relief for me because i couldnt stand the thought of anything happening to him), but now with the whole baby situation, since i wont be able to work for a bit, he is despretaly trying to find any job that has a good pay in order to support us but with no luck so far.
Its come down to the point where he is considering going into policing just to guarantee him a good pay for a couple of years, but you never know whats going to happen on the job and its got me worried. But not only that, but if he does end up joining the policing, he will most likely have to move across the country for a minimum of 6 months, leaving me alone with the baby unless i follow him there. If i do follow him there, then i am leaving everything that i had left around here, but if i dont follow him, i dont know how i would be able to take care of the baby by myself and afford it without him.. and i just dont know if i could be happy with him not around :(

I just feel that although i love this baby even if its not here yet, i am losing my mind trying to figure out if it would even be possible for me to still have friends left when i come back from accross the country, how long will it take before i finally get the chance to go back to school in order to pursue my dream... :confused:
It just feels like ive lost so much because of the pregnancy and if i have to go, ill lose pretty much everything i had left to end up with nothing but him and the baby. Im so scared im going to end up being a friendless old lady one day that i feel so pathetic... :(

I dont know what to do! I dont know how to try to be happy when inside, i am falling apart. I dont know how to plaster a smile on my face when tears threathen to start pouring everytime someone mentions whats going on. I try sssoooo hard to keep a positive attitude and telling myself that everything will work out in the end, but sometimes, i feel like i try so hard to convince myself that i find myself having trouble believing it. I try to look forward to things instead of dreading them, but now with the latest news of maybe having to lose everything i have left, i feel like my control is officially gone and tears just keep coming. I try to keep myself distracted but its just now working!
What can i do before i completely lose it? Lose everything? :confused:

Hi Selena098

Sounds like you have a lot on your mind these days - some good and some bad. Sorry to ask the obvious, but have you talked with a trusted advisor about your feelings and your situations? You know, someone like your mom, dad, aunt, uncle, clergy person, doctor? It is really important for you to have an open dialogue as keeping your feelings bottled up inside is not the best for you or for your baby. There aren't a lot of books out there to provide you a manual as to how, what, where, when or why you feel or do certain things - anyone else out there telling you otherwise is probably trying to sell you something! :p

The minute you got pregnant, your life changed and there is no turning back. Any dreams that you have will need to be reconsidered, goal timing will definitely need some adjustment, but it does not mean that YOU can't achieve it! Motherhood is a wonderful job, but it is also a very demanding one. You will need to consider a balanced lifestyle, and you MUST consider you and take very good care of yourself now and when the baby arrives. It is really important that seek out a trusted person to speak with, see if your boyfriend can accompany you.

This response is probably not exactly what you are looking for, but it is food for thought! My "positive thoughts" or "prayers" or as they say in Star Wars, "May the Force" be with you.

I agree with Sunny - the baby means having to change around a few plans and making new ones. But in no way does it mean you cannot be happy and well and have the life you want. For right now, you may need to adjust to the situation until you have the baby - stay healthy and busy. You are having some stress over your situation - new changes and your boyfriend having to look for work. This is a temporary situation until you have the baby and can make some new plans with your boyfriend about child care, where you will live, going back to school, etc. Take it easy, you are having a baby and your life has changed - you'll have friends again, you'll go back to school when the baby gets a little older - you'll be all right. Your hormones are racing also because of the pregnancy - so you are bound to feel more emotional during this time.

The move with your boyfriend may be necessary as you are a family now. You may need to talk with a trusted friend or family member to make your decision. Many people have to move house because of work - that is something that happens - sometimes more than once. My brother was a police officer in New York - yes, it was scary, - but he loved the work and was good at it. Police work can be dangerous - but there is a lot of training involved - my brother was all right, but the stress was too much. Maybe your boyfriend can look into it and see if he likes it - he must be young. If not police, has he tried the fire department? Just an idea.

Take care dear one and know you and your family will be all right.