Since 2000 I have overseen my elderly mother's care. She is completely dependent on me. Have moved her more than once a year as she declined, bring her to my home a full day each week, take care of all dr appts etc, do finances. My sis, who lives in another state does not contribute or visit. In mother's trust, we are equal heirs.

Is there any legal guideline or precedent for compensating the daughter who does all the caregiving? Mother will not suggest any extra benefit to me because my sis is always in debt, in poor health, etc. I am not well to do, but financially stable.

If you mother's will is 50/50 and she refuses to change it, you are tough out of luck.

However, if she wishes to buy you extravagant gifts now, while she is alive, as her way of saying thank you, well, then, that is one way to get more than your sister.

But if your mother still insists on 50/50 and you feel this is unfair, talk with her about it.

Start to charge her for the services you provide her, or stop doing the services for her.

Yes, she is your mother, but if she is going to treat you unfairly compared to your sister who doesn't help her at all, nor visit, then she needs a wake up call.

Thanks for responding. It's obvious, I guess, but helpful to hear it from someone else. How difficult are family relationships and money matters!

Thanks for responding. It's obvious, I guess, but helpful to hear it from someone else. How difficult are family relationships and money matters!


You're welcome and yes, it can be very difficult and complicated at times!

Who is the beneficiary of your mother's social security benefits? Is your mother of sound mind? Does she manage her own finances? Your best bet would probably be to come to an agreement whereby your mom's social security payments would go to expenses related to her care. IF she is unable to manage her own financial affairs due to physical and/or mental disability then apply to the court for a power of attorney. This would give you control over her finances and would then ensure that you'd be fairly compensated for all expenses related to her care.

Thank you for your questions. All her income goes toward her care. I do have pow of att. Her mind is good, but severely depressed. She would die (not eating) if I didn't have her in a sm. Board and care home. Her savings are the question, after she goes "home." I wouldn't just take some of her money. I'm looking for legal, common precedents.

Being in the same situation, I had to ask myself some serious questions over the years. In my situation, I am completely unable to work, for Dad needs 24/7 care. With no savings to speak of, we live strictly off his VA/SS benefits.
Although thinkgs are tight, two simple questions got me to see everything much differently; In this situation, am I forced to do without anything that I cannot live without? In this situation, are there compensations that I would never get anywhere else?
Although I continue to try and maximize his benefits to make sure he is receiving everything a veteran of WWII should, I go to bed every night in a nice warm bed, with a roof over my head and a full stomach and memories of a day that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
Financial help will come for you as I know it will for us. In the mean time, focus on all that you have.

Caregiverhelp - this thread is over 3+ years old.