I read on this forum how someone here was heartbroken because her best friend dumped her, so I decided to write about my experience:

My husband suddenly left and divorced me about 4 years ago, and I was in such a depression that I honestly couldn't function. I loved my ex husband - thought he was honestly my soulmate. Point is that I fell into such a depression that no one was able to make me happy.

That was until I met a friend online (Jen) on a divorce forum who had the same thing happen to her. Her hubby left her a while back, however she was recovered and was only on the forum to assist people who had gone through the same as her. Needless to say, she had the same circumstances as I do: No children, same kind of work, same likes etc. The connection between us and our likes were so amazing that we called each other soul sisters. However, we couldn't meet during those four years

Well, to make a long story short, we both hit it off very well, exchanged phone numbers, called each other on occasion, even gave each other christmas and birthday presents mailed from overseas. This had been going on for about 4 years, until I started to notice that she just started to drift off slowly but surely.

Things that she would do, or better yet wouldnt' do, is participate in my online forum, which she had been doing consistently for the four years. Jen just stopped commenting and even logging on to my site.

When I asked her about it, she just shrugged it off and basically told me that I am being insecure. So I left it at that as I didn't want to seem insecure.

One day, someone insulted me on Facebook, and I got angry with that person. The person is in the same faith as I am (and even Jen), so I felt comfortable telling Jen about the situation. Well lo and behold, directly the next day, Jen becomes friends with the person who insulted me on Facebook.

When I called Jen on it, she basically got upset with me and told me that I am doubting her friendship and being insecure. She told me that she didn't seek him out, that he sought out her friendship invite and that since she's trying to apply her faith, she just didn't want any problems. She apologized for making me feel bad, but not for the act of become his friend. In fact, she told me that she's not interested in being in any online group or click. I wondered how we are an online clique??

But worse, I still couldn't believe she'd accept his friendship directly the next day after he insulted me. It's just the principle - how can she become friends with someone who insulted me after I told her about my situation with him? Or maybe I'm being too demanding? :confused:

The truth is that I'm beginning to feel such a distance between her and myself - it's like the beginnng of a lost friendship. I told her kiddingly one day that since I'm not a masochist, I'd leave the friendships of those people who begin to show a lack of interest. She asked, "What's wrong???" I said oh nothing (since I'm not going to get into that insecurity conversation anymore).

So, I'm wondering - should I just let this person go. I'm tired of chasing after that person. I'm the one who always has to initiate conversation, and even though she responds very well, as in she tells me about her day, etc, I'm just tired of being the one who looks for her all the time. It strains to be a one way street. I'm also wondering why she'd become so distant and then suddenly. I really don't want to ask her that question as I don't want to be burdened with the "insecurity" lecture.

Well let me ask you do you have any other friends that are not on the internet who are in the same condition as you? Another thing are you guys best friends ? If not maybe you didn't feel like it was right for her to become his friend but it not your choice to tell her what to do and it may seem like you are coming off demanding. Also don't think too much about it the guy is problay an idot who as nothing else to do with his life.

If you have to chase a friend to be your friend,they are not a friend. Personally.I would not lower myself to that level.There are many people who would be happy to have an on line friend.She has moved on for some reason and so should you.

Let this go, as people will come, and go through your life forever. I know your confused, and disappointed, but you have to be able to accept the changes that life throws at you, and regroup. Be responsible for your own happiness, and don't put all your eggs into anyone's basket.

I am sorry for your circumstances around the marriage dissolution and I hope that you find romantic happiness again. I am glad to hear that no children are involved and you can continue to pursue your dreams. Since you are so available maybe consider traveling or doing some arts... you sound like a creative individual but maybe too analytical in your thinking process... don't dwell in any matter of the past that expels so much energy that you are continually draining yourself or that you might miss opportunity elsewhere.

I understand that you made a connection with someone else and for some reason or another (only from what you say) she has detached from the friendship. It could be possible that she is going through transitions in her life and has re-evaluated her circumstances (since we are ever changing and always growing). It could be she may just need time to herself for a while and it is best to let her go to do that; she will come around in good time and if she does not then do not persistently engage.

As it goes for the "insecurity" topic... she brings it up maybe because she finds that you are needy in some way and she has no extra energy to deal with it. I know I have had people in my life that after talking to them even for five minutes left me tired and depressed... sucked the energy right out of me so, naturally, I chose to avoid that person in hopes that they would leave me alone as I had no intention to remain a participant in the relationship. I know it sounds awful but this person was not good for me and/or my health. Main point is not to pursue anyone as friendship should be mutual efforts. If she isn't extending herself there is a reason for it. For the insult friend she befriended the next day... remove them both off Facebook and forget about it and the principal... don't waste your energy.

People come and go in our lives so much, maybe even just for a quick two minutes but that two minutes had a lesson in it and we learned something. I would take it for what it was and move on, she may come back around once you have given her some time. If not, then it was a "moment in time" relationship and take what you have learned from it and be grateful you had the time with her you did as we should with everyone we meet. Take it with a grain of salt and have some faith in the relationship. If it wasn't meant to be a relationship that lasts so be it, it was what it was and she helped you (as you her) through the ruff times and maybe its just time to move on.

Spend time alone doing something you enjoy.

Enjoy the good times you've had with the person, Don't feel bad about the not so good times. Having a friendship is a two-way deal. As with a relationship things may fade and go sour, lose interest and move on with ones life. Just be modest that you've had this friendly encounter and move on.

The present is now, the past is Yesterday.

Well let me ask you do you have any other friends that are not on the internet who are in the same condition as you? Another thing are you guys best friends ? if not maybe you didnt feel like it was right for her to become his friend but it not your choice to tell her what to do and it may seem like you are coming off demanding. Also dont think too much about it the guy is problay an idot who as nothing else to do with his life.

To answer your question, no, at the time I started my friendship with this person, I didn't have anyone who was in the same situation as I was. As for your other question, she had a very active life on the net. We (along with another girl) were at one point cyber bullied, and we had fought back the bullies together. I guess that's why I was surprised when she accepted that person's friendship - someone who insulted me but added her on.

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As it goes for the "insecurity" topic...she brings it up maybe because she finds that you are needy in some way and she has no extra energy to deal with it. I know I have had people in my life that after talking to them even for five minutes left me tired and depressed...sucked the energy right out of me so, naturally, I chose to avoid that person in hopes that they would leave me alone as I had no intention to remain a participant in the relationship. I know it sounds awful but this person was not good for me and/or my health. Main point is not to pursue anyone as friendship should be mutual efforts. If she isn't extending herself there is a reason for it. For the insult friend she befriended the next day...remove them both off Facebook and forget about it and the principal...don't waste your energy.


Thanks a lot for your well wishes, and your excellent advice! I agree with you that there is a reason why this person has become distant. What I fail to understand is why not just talk about the situation - if I meant something to her as a friend, why not say something about it? I guess she probably doesn't want to make me feel bad. But I consider that to be such a copout.

Thanks a lot for your well wishes, and your excellent advice! I agree with you that there is a reason why this person has become distant. What I fail to understand is why not just talk about the situation - if I meant something to her as a friend, why not say something about it? I guess she probably doesn't want to make me feel bad. But I consider that to be such a copout.

Well I know I would not befriend the guy who insulted you on the internet but it may be as she said "He engaged in conversation with her" and also, your issue with "him" is not her issue with "him" or "you". In other words, just because someone does not get along with "you" does not mean she has to stop having some sort of a relationship with "him". I don't think the insult has anything to do with it... it was just bad timing to befriend him. She did say that it concerned their religion and/or faith. Sometimes we do things unintentionally but after discussing it with her she should have replied by giving you support and maybe speaking to him about it. Or, maybe the statement "he" gave you was rude but you could rise above it and pay him with a complement... don't give anyone power or control over you because essentially that is what people do. Exercise power over yourself and your emotions since we should never control other people ONLY control what you can, your life and what is within your reach. Reach for what is beyond the stars!

As it comes for her being distant as I said she may be going through some personal transitions and re-evaluating her relationships. I honestly believe that she has no energy to spare. Even on this site people leave for a while to come back and help others... to me it means that we get so busy with our lives we can't put out energy to assist others since it takes personal energy and time to help others; sometimes we need to retract inwards to take care of internal and personal issues first. Don't fuss, try to connect with someone else and focus all your energy on you and your personal empowerment and growth. Surround yourself with people who are supportive and complimentary to you - if they become distant, respect the space and take the time to breath from the relationship as well. I have A LOT of friends that we take 3-6 months from each other to get back in touch for a while and then take the break again... it is a unspoken mutual understanding and respect for personal space. I don't like to be over-burdened or clouded over and neither do most other people... it doesn't mean we are friends in the least, we will always have a connection but I find the break gives us more to discuss as an result. This is a good time for you to take a breath as well, seek balance in your life and enjoy freedom of liberty from relationships with expectations, boundaries/limitations and discussions surrounding "insecurity" and become secure in your life and thought process. Be sure of yourself and remain confident in your ability.

Best regards,

Oh OK , Now it all clear to me . Well like artlady said I understand you two went through a lot but if you feel like you have to chase her then forget it , it might be hard to believe but there so much more out there for you.