My parents divorced when I was 5. I'm now 18, I've gone through up's and down's with my father. He's never had really anything to do with me. The only time he's come in contact with me was either because his wife at the time (he's been married 4 times) told him to, or because his parents told him it would be a good idea to come in contact with his daughters (I'm a twin). He's come in and out of my life telling me and my sister he wants to be a part of our lives, but he'd help me and my single mother out for about a week and would disappear for months. He has custody of my step sister and my cousin. I feel so depressed and suicidal at times. How can my father love others more than his own daughters? Is he trying to send me signals that he doesn't want me anymore? I feel like a disease, and like I've done wrong. Is it my fault? I've tried to talk to him about this situation so many times, but I always get the same "i'll always be there for you" words, but actions speak louder than words. I really feel like I'm in need of professional help, but I can't afford it right now. So I'm reaching out in as many ways as possible.

It's a sad thing to say but some people just should not ever parent a child because they are too selfish to give of them self unconditionally.

Maybe he just does not know how to make up for all that he failed to give you and he is suffering from guilt so he pulls away from you rather than face his guilt.

Maybe he does not know exactly what you want and expect from him.You need to be very specific and if you have to, make a list and give it to him.Entitle it :What I would like in a father.

I hope that he listens and if he can't or won't then you need to distance yourself from him as you will always feel disappointment and no parent should be allowed to do that to a child.

Know that it is not your fault,as I said,some people just don't know how to be a parent.

Thank you so much for the advice, it really did help me. I've started a "what i'd like in a father" letter. It's just do hard to start it out. I feel like I owe him nothing, because he's showed me nothing. I just don't know what to do, or where to turn.