First of all this will be my first post here and just wanted to say Hi and thanks in advance.

Well here's my problem I have been dating my girlfriend for about 1.5 years and things have been good and it's been up and like any relationship. Through out our relationship she has lived with me and things have been good. Well since this past December things have been really stressful around the house. To give a little information I'm 19 and she's is 18 and I currently still live with my mom I'm pretty much like her caregiver just without the title.

So anyway It's just been rough and at times I make the mistake of taking my stress out on her kind of using her as my punching bag. Not literally but just I don't know she's my support when things get tough and I need someone to lean onto.

Well here's where the problem kicks in. She left the state to go be with her brother and spend time with him. And while she was up there, there was barely any conversation at all. I mean barely a goodmorning or goodnight. Just a few texts here and there. She ended up coming back and when she did I was like did you want to come over? Or hang out? And she was like well I don't know probably. And I'm like OK.. And she said ill let you know... and I would be the one to always call and ask if she made up her mind or anything like that. And that's been going on for like a couple of days. On valentines day, now to remind you I still haven't seen here since she came back and that was prob. 3 days. So on the v-day I thought maybe I'll do something different and go up to here house and bring here some flowers and a card and gift. So I decided to go up there un announced..

That's something I rarely ever do. So I go up there and she's not home. I call here and she's at a friends babysitting because her friend just had a baby. To make a long boring story short I finally seen her and talk to her and find out what's going on and she said that She's depressed and doesn't want to talk about it. And of course I'm a guy and I want to know what's wrong and she blames it on the stress at my house, But I know 100% fact that's not it.

She's the type of girl that won't give me a straight answer if she thinks I'll get mad or w/e. And when something is bothering her she is like a rock There's no piercing through to find out anything unless she wants to. And trust me I'm not trying to force anything out just I care about her and don't want her hurting. So I finally get her to spill it out and she told me she's depressed because of her life. And that her junior year and senior She hasn't been able to hang out with her friends and have a "life".

I know the friends thing is the main issue and she wants to be with them but it's now affecting me and her because I can't even spend time with her. It's like now a days I have to beg to be with her. And Idk just feel really down and crappy because of this. And now there's really no communication between us at all and we live 15 min away. For example like last night we were texting and then she just didn't write back and no weren't argueing and around 10ish I said goodnight. I haven't received anything and it's the next day and she's out of school. And this girl has her phone on her 24/7

Right now I just don't know what to do. I know things won't be back to normal, meaning her back living with me and stuff like that. And she didn't say anything about her needing space but that's what I think she needs is space. And I respect That she wants to be with her friends and enjoy the high school life. But the thing I'm still working with her is the trust factor, During the summer we argued a lot and just wasn't happy and she went out of town and I broke up with her and she found a boyfriend within 3 days.. and I regretted breaking up with her and was hoping to talk about it when she got back. But yea I'm just lost and really need to know what to do for us to be happy... I know give her space right now but its just hard and I'm just tired of looking pathetic begging my girlfriend to hang out.

It sounds like she's growing in a different direction in her life. If she pulls away you pull away.

It's funny that I write this today and say how I haven't talked to her, The reason why I say that is because when I wrote this it was around 3pm and I got a text message from her asking if I want her to come over and as I think about it maybe the only thing she needs is just space. For me to back and not be so controlling.

I read from another post on this site from I believe the username was "chery" and she said something that stuck with me. She said something that you don't own your partner and need to stop having that behavior. Which trust me I wasn't bad or anything the thing I would do is get mad because she's hanging with her friends. I know it's wrong but at least I'm admitting to that. But as I said I'm just kind of confused maybe right now its just best to give her her own space? I guess I'm second guessing myself. But I knew things were going down and just felt as things were going to end up where we need to take a "break".

But I don't know if you guys could help me I would really appreciate it.

I don't think you're a bad guy at all. But you are young and so is she. She just got a taste of "freedom" when she went out of town to visit her brother. She's growing and becoming a different person and she found out there is a world out there and she wants to explore it. She's pulling back so that means you have to pull back as well. You have to find something to occupy your time besides her. You have to pull away.

The end of a saga... move on brother

So you guys don't think that there's any chance with us if we just both learn how to be in a "healthy" relationship? I know she really cares about me and we both don't want to lose each other. But she is really hard to communicate with. She's not really close to her mom and the dad isn't at all in picture. And her mom is kind of well not really a figure to look up to when it comes to men.

I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything but I don't think she knows how to be in a relatonship. And yes we are both young and I know the odds of us surviving. But I guess my sub question is how do I help her get better communicating skills?

Dude, she got another guy in less than a week, heck, less than 5 days within you dumping her, obviously she wasn't too heartbroken by it. I know you're hurt, and lovelorn and you don't think anyone can understand how you feel. 95% of people in the entire world will go through what you are going through at least once in their lives. It does't sound like it's meant to be. It seems like you've done your part, she didn't do hers. She's not the one for you.

Throw in the towel, and take a 15 minute break before going back in the game.

Well the reason why I say bad advice is because any other person would say move on find better etc etc. I know what I'm about to ask is something that I shoudnt want and makes me look stupid. But I'm stupidly in love. So just to get that out the way.

Me and my girlfriend well ex now we broke up yesterday. It was really bad how we did. I ended up finding out she was seeing another guy since 1/29/09. And well I found out yesterday. So I took all of her stuff to her house and that was that. Lets just say we ended up giving each other the bird and sped off.

Were both young and have a lot of growing up to do. And like I said I know I sound stupid to anyone else that reads this. Well through out our whole relationship ( 2 years) Whenever there was a serious fight or we take a break I've always been there or always made the 1st call to her. I'm pretty much like the nice guy and a door mat for girls and that's something I'm going to be working on as I have know this new status of being single.

The girl is very dependent on others and this past January she just been really depressed and dealing with a lot of issues. I mean a lot of different issues and I'm not saying what she did was right or giving her a excuse. So what I'm saying is she doesn't know how to be a girlfriend because she's never been in a serious relationship other then me. I was her longest and most serious relationship. She even used to live with me. And I could tell she was unexperienced on how a "real" relationship should be. I'm saying I've been perfect guy but I definitely didn't do anything like this.

I'm sure right now, I'ts only been the next day she is miserable as like I am now. I;m sure she's thinking well I still have him, he will come texting me sooner or later. And its going to be a huge shock that I'm not going to be texting her or seeing her at all. I gave all her stuff back to her so there wouldn't be any excuses why we need to see each other.

Anyway here's the "bad" advice that I need. Well I'll start with telling you what I'm going to do. Well first I'm not going to make any communication with her. If she contacts me well then I don't know it depends on how long it's been and I'm sure if she does contact me it will be through a text and I wouldn't even know what to say to be honest. I know the relationship she's in has been fine because she's had me there and been able to have this new thing and still have old faithful. Trust me during this time I will be working on getting over her and try to get things situated in my life.

So I guess what I'm asking is how do I get her back in my life... well get her back to where she wants to be with me and work through things. I know it will have to be no contact and stuff like that but just I don't know how long it should be or if I should let her suffer ( if she txts) and yea I really don't have much experience with this.

So please I would like only advice on what I asked I know I should move on I know there are better girls out there. Regardless of loving her or not if I don't see her of course my feeling are going to slowly fade away. I just would like to know how I should go along with this to get her wanting me back.. And what are the chances that she is going to contact me?

I'm sorry, I skimmed the whole story but after reading this:
"I ended up finding out she was seeing another guy since 1/29/09"
All I could think was you seem like a really really nice guy to be coming here asking for advice, and you genuinely love her but buddy... you can do better...

I know it's long message just a lot to say. And I know the right advice is that to move on and stuff. But right now I know myself and just really stubborn and having hope is really the only thing from driving me crazy.

Yeah, sorry about being so blunt but I've been down the same path, I forgave him and took him back then he just did it again.. . now I don't know how I put up with it, I've found a new guy and I'm a thousand times happier.

But honestly, if it's always you that makes the first call when you have a fight and it's always you having to do things to make it up to her... wait... see what she does, it will be a real test of how much she needs you or whether it's a 1 sided relationship.

But yeah, don't just go on my advice, give it a bit and I'm sure there will be a lot of people on here contradicting me.

Well yea when I wrote this my first thought is wow everyone is just going to bash me and say move on loser get over it! But yea its always been me to make the calls and stuff and just I don't know how its going to be because there's no way I'm calling her first. Just I don't know like you said if she really cares she will understand that she made a mistake.

And it's not going to be she texts me and I'm going to be I miss you blah blah blah I just want to get to the point where she Truely wants me back. Then work from there.

Yes, that is the perfect way to think of it. Sounds like she needs to understand that she can't just get away with things and everything will be fine because you will take her back right away.
No-one is going to bash you for it, when I broke up with my boy I locked myself in my room for a week I was so upset, I couldn't even go to work, then something just snapped and I went 'hang on... he cheated on me'
I hope I helped a little.
Keep us posted on how it goes :)

Yea I'm just confused on what I should do when she does contact me and how I should go about it.I guess it really depends on when she does contact me.

NO CONTACT is your best friend. I just went through a break up and it worked miracles for me. When she calls or contacts you in any way, just ignore her.

You do not deserve this. You a better than this and deserve better. Take time to yourself to heal. Use this time to be with friends, have fun, and enjoy life as a single person for a while. Do not call her and move on. You will find someone who is better and will treat you well. I know this is hard to hear since you just want to get back with her. Throughout this no contact you will make mistakes as have I (plenty of times). Just stay strong and man up.

Yes it's very hard to hear and I'm just still in shock since this has happened like 12 hours ago... I know the no contact rule but just like u said I do want to be with her and I just need to know how to get her to the point where she really understands what she did and learn how to deal with relationship lows.

I know its bad advice that's why I put it in there, Just wondering if anyone has gone through this and knows how to get the person back to wanting you and willing to to work it out.

I know right now if there was contact I would make a lot of mistakes since there's such high emotions.

Here read this. I know its long but it is this is my process.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-contact-rule-not-working-me-322039.html

Basically, I was destroyed when she left me. I didn't know how do deal with it. You can read about the high's and the low's. Also, towards the end you find out how I she came back. It will answer many questions you might have.

Basically what you want is for us to come on here, sugar-coat things for you, and in the end recommend you run head first into a brick wall screaming like an idiot? Is that what you want?

Well, start running, and put your head down so you hit that wall baby! After your head gets tired of the lumps, then I will start to actually give you some decent advice...

Until then... carry on... :cool:

Hi
I admit I skimmed your story too so if I say something out of turn let me know.
First off she's been seeing someone behind your back... SHES a loser!
Secondly, your making excuses for her by saying she's never had a serious relationship blah blah blah... my husband was my first ever relationship but I've never cheated on him.
And besides its not like she's new to this, you been dating for two years!
She more than likely WILL contact you in the next few weeks when her new relationship doesn't work and she'll say 'im sorry it was a mistake, I love you I just have issues I'm dealing with right now and didn't know how to be in a relationship' and you will probably fall for this hook line and sinker. So I suggest you delete her number and block her. Have no contact and work on yourself esteem as you sound like a really nice guy and find yourself someone who treats you well.xx

Here read this. I know its long but it is this is my process.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-contact-rule-not-working-me-322039.html

Basically, I was destroyed when she left me. I didn't know how do deal with it. You can read about the high's and the low's. Also, towards the end you find out how I she came back. It will answer many questions you might have.

Wow yea I took my time to read all of and it was very helpful. I can see where it was like the ocean ups and downs and sometimes calm. I can compare the situation that I'm in with yours but your girl at least said something to you about wanting the break. Mine she just went ahead which is really upsetting and just makes me feel really low. I'm 19 also ( I think I read somewhere where it said your 19. And she's 17 I know there's a gap and when people read this they will just consider it high school love blah blah.

I'm currently out of high school waiting for class to start I'm going to become a firefighter. And she's a senior in high school still. And really her thing was before I knew about this guy was that she wanted to have a "life" and be able to hang out with her friends. Like I have said before we really didn't have a healthy relationship together we were around each other every day living together. And I can and will take the blame for that because at times she would ask to go out and stuff and I would say sure but I would make her feel bad and so it was like she felt as if she had to stay. And I know that pushed her really far away.

And this "new" guy is a part of all her friends at school so it just sucks because like I have these mood swings where I'm confident that oh he's just a rebound guy they are only happy because she had her cake and was able to eat it to. And then I become really low and thinking ah crap I'm never going to be with her again...

I know right now she's miserable I can see her myspace well not the whole thing but her status and I can tell me giving her clothes back to her put a lot of stress on to her.

It's not that I want things to be sugar coated or anything like that and I'm sure she will contact be regardless of the situation she's in. I guess I'm just wondering if there's any way things can/could work out between us and her beable to learn from what she did and what I have done. And move on?


Ill be honest 100 people will probably tell me the same answer and I won't listen this is pointless... I'm sorry for wasting everyone's time. :(

Is this hand on heart honestly the only time she has hurt u?

Like this yes.

If she had hurt you before I would say no point trying to make it work. Saying that I think once a cheat always a cheat, sorry. I think if you get back with her your just being that 'doormat' that you don't want to be anymore.

if she had hurt u before i wud say no point trying to make it work. saying that i think once a cheat always a cheat, sorry. i think if u get back with her ur just being that 'doormat' that u dont want to be anymore.
I'm going to be honest with you guys yes I know that once a cheat always a cheat and just I mean recently one of my friends told me that the more she talks to me the more she likes me. Because I was helping her out with some problems. But like when she told me about she liked me I was like hmm should I try it out and see if I get caught?

I'm not like that at all but what I'm getting to is that I was on the verge of doing something because of all this. Me and here went through a lot of stress when she was living with me back in november/december and part on January. Like stress that nobody should go through and it was about my mom. My mom is a cancer patient and she is in recover and its been 8 years since she was diagnosed with non hogkins. Well to make a long story short my mother is legally addicted to the medz that she takes and has a problem the me the only person in the house had to deal with. And at that time my ex was living with me thorugh out the hard struggles that I was facing. My ex and her mom don't really get along too much so she was living with me. Well going through all the stress with that me myself I don't know how to deal with my mom and when I would get stressed out about my mom I would take it out on her. And of course she went to school she would have a break and she played high school basketball and stuff but if it wasn't school she would be at home with me. And like I couldn't leave to go anywhere or go hangout because I was afraid of my mom finding her medz and mis using and all my family would blame me because I wasn't there which there not and that another issue.

So there's times she wanted to go back to her mom's or go hang out and I would make her feel bad about it and wanted her to stay so I wouldn't be miserable and lonely. And she was there for me through that and stuck it out and she was the shoulder that I could lean onto. When I needed her. And it's like now she's gone I really don't have anyone besides like 2 friends...

Look sorry but your still making excuses for her so this is pointless. Your going to get back withher no matter what we say and ill put money on it she will hurt you again. I'm sorry to here about your problems and this is not a competition but since I got with my husband we've gone through 4 close family deaths (2 very tragic) then my father asked me to quit school and look afetr him because he was dying of cancer, I did and 6 years later he's still alive (my own father lied to me) we've had 2 miscarriages and now infertility to deal with amongst many other things but the reson I know I'm with the right person and vise versa is because through ott all of this we became stronger for each other. Neither of us cheated, I'm not saying it hasn't crossed my mind to leave and maybe its crossed my husbands mind too but we stuck it out and helped each other through because that's what couples do. Do you see what I'm saying? Your girlfriend SHOULD be with you when your going through tough times with your mam but she jumped ship and cheated and your STILL makiing excuses for her??

Okay I read the whole thing and here's what I got to say. You're plan sounds good, DO NOT CONTACT HER! Wait it out for maybe a week. Do you have any common friends? If you do talk to that friend about how much you miss her and want her back and hope that the message relays back to her and she gets the idea. Here is why I suggest this. You said usually you contact her right? Well after a while that girl is going to think you are mighty ticked with her and are never coming back, that in it's self is enough to discourage a girl from calling an ex. If she knows that, though you are angry, you still want her back, it will encourage her to give you a call or text.

Two years is a long time and I know I would be just as heartbroken if my man (who I have also been with for two years) ever cheated on me. I would probably be doing the same as you, wishing I had him back.

But yeah just use some common friends as a middle man. They may realize it they may not. If the message never gets relayed to her then you can just hope that after a bit she realizes the mistake she made and she contacts you. Best wishes.

Well everyone wants their ex back when they just first broke up with them. I was there. You should stop fantasizing and hoping because if she loves you enough, she won't cheat on you! She might like you etc. but think about this. Let say you get her back and when she's bored or if she thinks you don't live up to her expectations and she does not like that, she might cheat again... do you want that to happen again? Please think rationally not emotionally! Is that what you really want out of a relationship??

Cheating doesn't always mean the person doesn't like you. I have a best friend that is just like his ex. She has cheated on multiple boyfriends because she has no clue how to work a serious relationship. She has never seen a stable relationship in her life and I think that is where some of it stems from. It's either because she can't choose who she wants or is unsure which one really likes her back. Sometimes she just likes the guy so much it scares her and she runs away or tries to compare current boyfriend to what else is out there and make sure it is what she wants.

So again cheating doesn't always mean they don't like you or they think they can do better sometimes they really are just confused. However there is always the chance that that is how they are. I think people should get second chances but always keep this in mind "Hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me." Basically if you want to go back do it, but if you get hurt again it is no ones fault but your own. There is always some risk in love.

Just stick to the NO CONTACT, like De said, we all want our ex's back. Our judgement isn't clear, it's clouded with pain and rejection.

Give yourself time, you will still feel like this for awhile, but continue to stick to NC. Fight your urges to break it. Let her make the first move this time, if for nothing else, but because she moved on without you, her error. What do you have to go back to apologize for. Besides you already stated that you are always the first to make contact following a break... it's her turn.

With time, you will gain the perspective of knowing how you want to handle her contact, if she makes it. There is a light, uncover your eyes and push away some of those clouds and you may start to see it.

Dude, you aren't going to listen to anyone on here, but I think that NC is a good way to go - I have done it for two days now, been keeping busy and already I can see myself a bit happier... realizing that my ex was a loser and a needy person that could never have been happy with me and vice-versa. Who knows, maybe you'll go NC and realize that you DON'T want her back. The only thing I can say is seriously, don't be a wimp and call her, keep busy, workout, read, write, paint, whatever. You are training to be a firefighter, are you already a volunteer in a small community? If not, do that.

I have only been out of my relationship for 2 weeks, but even now, coming here, reading the messages people leave and the advice of complete strangers is helping me. But for God's sake, don't call, text, email, "run into", whatever her. For all intents and purposes, she is dead and it's time for you to grieve and move on.

Biwiccanandproud: I agree with what your saying BUT just because she's having problems doesn't mean he should keep getting hurt, which she's bound to do again, plus she didn't support him very well through his problems with his mother x

posey_84: *shrug* again in the words of my step mother "Hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me". You never know how things will play out. He could date her again and she never cheats again, but she could cheat again. I always say 2 times a charm. If they do it a second time consider it over. If they cheat on you like 20 times then move one, but once doesn't always mean always.

I guess she would want you back if you fixed whatever it was about you that she thought was broken.
You would need to prove to her that you ,in fact ,have changed and you will comply with whatever it is she wants.
Expect,however that you may spend your future doing her bidding.

Well it's been 1 day and it seems like its been like weeks. I feel as like the ocean. I get up and down and then at times Im calm about everything. I just want you guys to know I do listen to what everyone has to say. And really appreciate the people who took time out of there lives to read about mine.

If anything out of this there's something that whoever I talk to is that I need to work on myself. Work on not always being a doormat when it comes to females. That's one thing I'm going to try m hardest on doing to be honest I don't really know how to go about doing that. I'm looking for a job Im going to be joining a gym so Im going to be active and work on my physical side and Just well I would say day by day but right now it seems minute by minute.

One of the other big changes I'm going to have to get used to is CHANGE.

It is minute by minute but that turns into hour by hour and eventually day by day. It's a process, sometimes slow, sometimes we regress. Just keep going forward.

Write on hear anytime, make this your own personal journal. You have plenty here that support and have been where you are. Don't spend TOO much time dwelling, but when you are having a rough go of it, write here. It will help you from reaching out to the wrong person.

Just be patient with yourself most of all. Break ups are difficult. Do all of those things you are thinking about, making time for yourself. Try as much as possible not to dwell on it, too much dwelling, leads to too much rationalizing and excuses.

Give her some space and let her come to you. I know that's not what you want to hear but if her feelings for you are strong enough she will realize what she had and come back to you. I was in a similar situation about a year ago now. My boyfriend/fiance of 3 1/2 years felt like he wasn't getting "enough" from me. He started having feelings for somebody he worked with. He told me about her and started pursuing things with her. We live together and we were stuck in a lease with each other so we spent a good amount of time together. I had a family thing to go to so I took off for about a week or so. Within that week he realized what I meant to him and realized he couldn't see a future without me. Less than a week after I got back he told me that it was over between them and within a month things were so much better than they were before her. For a while before this happened things weren't going so well for us. We lost track of what made us love each other. I realized that when "she" came in the picture. For him it didn't sink in until he had to spend some time without me. So long story short, let her realize what she lost and once she realizes that then if she wants that back she'll come back. If she doesn't then your better off without her.

The worse times of the day are mornings and at night. Im just having restless nights and I swear I would wake up every hour or so and each time would go back to sleep I would have a different dream about her. It's pathetic and I hate this.

I forgot to mention about what happen yesterday. Well I was reading up on here about the no contact rule and stuff and just double checking on knowing on what to do. No text phone calls don't go seeing her on purpose and try not to hear anything about her and don't go looking at stuff etc etc. Well I was like OK well that's good because I will never hear anything about her so I have a leg up on that one. So that's what I thought...

I get a phone call from a old high school buddy of mine and when I seen the number pop up the 1st thing I thought to myself was oh boy he's probably seen them together since they live pretty clode to each other. To get to his house you would have to pass hers. Well anyway he called me and I picked it up and he was saying sorry to hear about the breakup if you want to hangout just give me a call. ( which is good because that's another person I can chill with even though its close to her house :( ) at this point I'm like he didn't see them then he's like but yea dude I just seen them walking and holding hands...

That killed my mood because I was doing so good at that time. And when I heard that it's like I did a 180. At that point I was really pissed off and I wanted to call her. Never did I want to cll her so bad. So I grabbed my phone and I

Didn't call her :) back in the day I normally would have. I would have either called her or send her a text message. But I do get into these moods where I want to call her and be like WHY?? And just end things peacefully because that was my second longest relationship but more serious then my longest.

The hardest thing I'm dealing with are the "What If's" and all that and it just bugs me not knowing what's going to happen. I'm also having a problem being curious. And what I mean is checking her myspace and checking his myspace. I started to make this a big deal when I seen this on his myspace profile, You know you can set your status and mood? Well this is his.

Status: Figuring S*** out ( F*** facke b******)
Mood: Intense

When I first seen that I was like I wonder who that's about... my ex?
My then I dramatically calmed down and realized that could be about anyone and if it is about her that doesn't change a thing. I looked today ( I know pathetic) and its

Status: Stompin fake b******
Mood: Man up

So to be honest I don't know what that means and I'm going to try and not put too much effort into that. He did put a picture on his profile of her saying my baby. It's just sick it makes my stomach turn just thinking about if they fooled around and stuff. I don't try to think about that too much.

I know I'm probably going to repeat myself but out this while relationship the longest I went without talking to her is 3-4 days I know pathetic. So this is something that is very hard for me to do. But I'm doing it :) :( and I'm really hating these mood swings it's not me at all. Im more of a calm relaxed kind of guy.

I wonder if she is truly happy with him? To be honest I don't think she is happy with herself. But who knows maybe she is having the time of her life and not having any regrets at all...

Ok, first thing, delete both of their myspace, Facebook, bebo whatever social site. They will destroy your no contact. Second, delete her number out of your phone, set her e-mail address to go directly to trash because that's what she is. Every time you think about her, think about her sharing herself with another guy. That should make you angry, hell it ticks me off and I don't even know then girl. Cheaters don't deserve anything, especially respect.

Who cares if she is holding hands with another guy? You shouldn't care! She certainly doesn't care!
Look... if something happened between her and another guy once... and by once I mean a single incident that lasted for a day... then maybe you could look the other way but... and to be blunt... It sounds like she really doesn't care dude.
Romefalls19's advice was spot on... forget her!

I'm not friends with any of them what I was saying is that I have her information on myspace and be able to log into it. Which Im working on not logging on and seeing the new things she says or anything thing like. Just throwing this in there His site is beginning to be a lot about her. But her's is nothing about him. Im not making anything out of this at all.

I already deleted her number but the thing that sucks is that her and my number are almost the same
5=matching numbers
mine- 555-5157
cheater- 555-5258

But I just had a long talk with someone and I know the right track I should be on and what I need to do. Every relationship I've been in it always ends this way and its like I start to wonder maybe it's me.

And it is because I let girls push me over because I treat them like a queen and give them everything they want and there's never any challenge with me and they just get bored and move on. So that is something Im going to work on so who ever I end up with I don't keep getting played.

I just wrote that one message to pretty much like use this topic as like a journal and express how I feel and hopefully if anyone feels that there in my shoes will be able to read this and let it help them out. So I will be putting updates on everything and letting you guys know how things are. And be able to take advice as well. Thanks so much everyone for continuing on helping me out. :D

If the number is similar, put it in your phone but under "lying tramp" and then you are reminded of her actions

I put my ex's number under "Rosie O'Donnell." Who the hell in their right mind would pick up that phone call? Not even when I am drunk!

^^^ LOVE both those answers :D

Haha I did have it in as **CHEATER** but I just ended up deleting it in general. But Rosie O'Donnell lol

Stop thinking the sun shines out of her @**#. SHE IS WITH ANOTHER GUY! Red flag!!

I agree with NC, however do it for yourself not to get her back. Because the point is that she hurt you. Most of us go through the stage of wanting our EX'S back, its apart of going through the motions.

So you don't want to hear about NC and don't want to move on... you want to know about how to make her genuinely come back and want to be with you, honestly.

Fine.

Its fair enough.

Been there, done that. It usually ends with way too much time wasted and a lot more mental baggage, but that's your prerogative. If I have half a clue now its because I had to get kicked in the mouth enough times to finally get that it was, at some point, my choice to be mistreated.

So... the ONLY way to make any relationship work, once its crumbled, is to face the real issues that caused the breakup. Hell... that's the only way to perpetuate a relationship that isn't broken... look at areas where you don't overlap and find middle ground or accept where there isn't overlap.

So... NC doesn't guarantee anything. Doesn't mean shell move on. You'll move on. Shell recognize her mistakes.

NC gives you and her a chance to see what it is really like to be without the other person and to focus on yourself. This also means she needs to focus on herself and her needs.

If that kinds of real evaluation leads her to be without you... I say "fine"... its real, honest, truthful.

But if you are against focusing on your needs... if you still just need to focus on her... again, you choice. If you cannot address the real issues behind the breakup, and find real solutions, you have no chance.

Period.

How to "get her back"... well, it needs to be more compelling than what drove her away. Good luck with that. Like I said... id rather live in crappy reality than to be her emotional butler...

Don't get me wrong... a relationship can have a break and reform... when dating my wife we had a period where we both had to step back, take a moment, think about what was next... we met one "last time" thinking we were going to call it off for good... instead we wound up agreeing to try again, and eventually married.

So id be a hypocrite to say a relationship with a break is always broken... but to fix it, you need to really understand what is missing from both sides, and to find common ground naturally... without one side bending to the whims of the other.

But don't kid yourself... you aren't going to "make her" anything... bend, pretend, fake it... if it isn't right, it isn't going to last. Even good relationships sometimes last for just a time, and not all time.

I understand completely on what you are saying. As I posted previously I said that I need to work on myself and not being a door mat with woman because it doesn't matter who I'm with. Eventually I will just get walked all over and treated like crap. And that's pretty much how its been my whole life with women. So this time that I have alone I'm going to be focusing on myself. Putting myself first and try not to wonder about the what ifs?

Of course it's going to be there but as time goes on I get a little better. Right now it's a rollercoaster ride and my emotions are up and down. As time is passing by I notice myself staying up longer and staying down shorter.

On getting her back well that's something that Im not ready for and if its really on to her. I don't know if you read about how I was the one always running back 1st. Well it's time to put her wait up and see. And know what a lot of people are thinking that all she has to do is say "hey i miss you" and I'll be running back no I won't. I'm not going to let myself be tortured anymore. I know these are words and I'm just saying it but the more I say it and the more I think it. The more I actually start to believe it. Its been less then 48 hours since this whole thing happened and already I (think) have come a long ways.

As for advice what are some good ways to work on myself? I'm joining a gym today or tomorrow. I'm hanging out with old friends keeping myself busy just wondering what are some other ways.

There is a sticky list on top of the relationship forum, that gives a whole list of things to think about doing to help occupy your time.

I love that you are getting in the right mindset. Remember these thoughts because you will revert back and forth for a short while, your break up is still so fresh. Just keep focusing on you. You see a problem with you and that is a great step, but also don't be too hard on yourself. I know that failed relationships can weigh on you as a person. Maybe it's not that you are a doormat but the women you have been dating. With your alone time you will figure out better what type of personality you are looking for. In the future it will help you be selective, you deserve that. I am happy to see you making the right steps.

I think your making some good decisions for yourself so far, at least you realize you cannot control her, and your tired of the crap she puts you through. That's a start. Do the No Contact, just hang in there, as you heal, regroup, and focus on building a life that you enjoy without her. Meet new friends and enjoy activities and hobbies that makes you happy without her in your life.

Overtime, you will find you think of her less and don't want her back. You will be to busy moving forward!

There is a sticky list on top of the relationship forum, that gives a whole list of things to think about doing to help occupy your time.

I love that you are getting in the right mindset. Remember these thoughts because you will revert back and forth for a short while, your break up is still so fresh. Just keep focusing on you. You see a problem with you and that is a great step, but also don't be too hard on yourself. I know that failed relationships can weigh on you as a person. Maybe it's not that you are a doormat but the women you have been dating. With your alone time you will figure out better what type of personality you are looking for. In the future it will help you be selective, you deserve that. I am happy to see you making the right steps.

Boy that hit the hammer on the head because like an hour I wrote that I went the very opposite way. I just got really down and stuff and struggling not trying to talk to contact her. I did make a mistake though today... Me and my friend were driving around and we were like 5 minutes away and I couldn't control the urge of I just wanted to see if he was over there.
So we drove by and he wasn't there but I know it was something that I shouldn't have done but I did and just today hit me hard and just strugglin with the NC.

For every time that you break the NC, you will find that there is a severe punishment to be paid. There will never been any relief in breaking NC until you are emotional ready to tell her that she isn't good enough for you. When you are emotional ready for that, you won't have to say it, it will be enough just to know it.

Keep pushing ahead. It is still too fresh. Go forward with yourself and work every moment of time to the next moment of time that you can. We are here.

It's killing me not hearing anything from her. Still having those dreams about her which don't help at all. Just I don't know this NC sucks, first time I ever done this with any girl. That's why I'm struggling with this. Just wish Things will go my way sooner. If they even are going to...

They will go away... this isn't supposed to be easy. It is a process, and the ends justify the means. Just stay focused and keep moving forward. The benefits to this will be worth your pain, trust me.

Sorry don't mean to double post but I notice myself getting pissed off more I think about the situation I'm in and I just want to give her hell. That's why I want to contact her and just find out why and all that other crap. I won't but it's still an urge. I know as soon as I break the NC I'm going to have to make up the days I have already put into this and that would suck.

Your correct, you would have to lose what you have gained, and start all over, and that would suck!

Guys I don't think I can do this I'm literally fighting back tears and fighting back from breaking the NC. I'm so used to her being there in my life being able to talk to her about the stress and she be the one who is next to me yea I know she's next to another guy but it's a freakin rebound and mistake she know's it deep down inside. I'm just really weak and pathetic I mean look were on page six it seems that nothing has changed other then I'm hurting so bad... With this NC how long is it going to take for her to contact me??

Who cares if she is ever going to contact you.. She didn't care about you, she was letting another guy in between her rather than working on your relationship together.

You are not weak, and you are not pathetic!! NEVER call yourself that. We know it's hard. What else do you have going on? What activities are you up to?

Well I'm hanging with old friends, working out getting reeady for firefighter school which doesn't start until June-July. Trying to find a job which is next to impossible.

There was just some stress happening at the house that normally I would have help from her and just Idk I didn't to call myself pathetic but just saying I now I sound it. Any other guy would just say F*** her and go through the pain and move on and its like I don't know.. I want her back... I want to be able to talk sit down communicate and work through it out. I know I know if she loved me she would be here and not with him. Just I don't know anymore... at least I'm coming and talking about instead of just reacting to things which I would normally do.

I want to be able to talk sit down communicate and work through it out.

She is moving on, she is not waiting around on you because she decided to use someone else to get over this relationship. There ISN'T ANYTHING to work through at this point. If you crawl back and get rejected it will hurt that much worse. You are idolizing a relationship, it happens, someday you will have clearer judgement.

For right now, get out of the house and do something for you. How is the gym? Did you join?

She is moving on, she is not waiting around on you because she decided to use someone else to get over this relationship. There ISN'T ANYTHING to work through at this point. If you crawl back and get rejected it will hurt that much worse. You are idolizing a relationship, it happens, someday you will have clearer judgement.

For right now, get out of the house and do something for you. How is the gym? Did you join?

You know it's like I can give some good advice but I can never apply it to myself well because of emotions and stuff. And right now if I broke the NC that's something she is expecting to happen and it's just it's so hard for me to accept that we are done... and I can't even think about were done forever. And I didn't even get to talk to her about anything at all.

This is still too fresh for you to have ANY perspective on it. You will just have to continue in the moment to moment. You will regret ANY contact, it will not go the way you are hoping it will.

Breakups are difficult. Be patient... go eat some ice cream and veg out with some music or TV. You still have the right to call an off day.

I've calmed down from that. Like you said I know I will regret any contact to her because I know how it will go and I would be kicking myself in the butt. I talk to my mom about this also and she is really good at giving me advice and she know's how the girl and even told me that if she was me she would know how play her and all that. But thanks for being there guys for my up's and down's. I think I might go to the mall today and go shopping and rward myself with something. Lol

Retail Recovery, works for me. Good plan!

That is a fabulous idea. Anything to occupy time. Read some other thread too, sometimes when you are involved in helping others, you take the focus off your problems, might find some humor out there and you will feel better about yourself just for helping someone else.

Wise idea to talk to Mom, they are the best solution for their boys ;)

Dude - you are dwelling a lot. You mentioned stress at home - think of how much stronger you will be dealing with it yourself instead of having your regular crutch (her) to help you through it. It sounds like you need to work on you right now instead of worrying about what she is doing. Remember, you don't have to CARE about anyone right now, just you! That's the most important thing. I broke down in tears the other day because I almost called my ex and stopped myself, then thought "No. For the first time in my life I am going to do something healthy for me, not anyone else." That's powerful stuff buddy. It's taken me until now, 28 years old, to realize that I have to work on me before I can make anyone else truly happy, and that if they rely on me for happiness, then they aren't worth it!

For the first time in my life I am going to do something healthy for me, not anyone else.

Just had to spread the rep, that is EXACTLY the thinking that needs to happen here.

Well so far its been 3 days not that Im counting but I am proud that I haven't contacted her in anyway. The longest that I have was 4 days. So still have one more to go but I have a question is it normal, well since day one Ive been having rollercoaster feelings ups and downs.

Well they seem to be getting worse. Like When Im feeling good and confident I pretty much don't even think about the NC and that everythings is going to be good. Even to the point where I think I won't have to struggle anymore about her. And when I get down it is a very struggle to not call her. It just seems my emotions are coming out stornger I don't know it's weird.

Here's something that has worked for me in the past. If you feel that you absolutely have to talk to her, then write her a letter. DO NOT GIVE IT TO HER!! Rip it up or burn it. Make sure you get rid of it somehow. It might help getting your feelings out so you aren't dwelling on what could have been.

To add to the great idea above In the past when the going got tough I wrote down all the negative things about my ex. We tend to romantize the good parts and somehow ignore the bad parts, so write them out and remind yourself.

The first week is the worse and it is a roller coaster, we have all been there.

You are doing the best thing for yourself, just keep sticking it out.

The first week is the worse and it is a roller coaster, we have all been there.

You are doing the best thing for yourself, just keep sticking it out.
I'm realizing why in the past why I failed because it is the hardest time. With the roller coaster feelings I am learning that when I hit my downs I just need to hang in there because eventually my spirits will climb back up

I've been using as a way to get back with my ex, to make her miss me and realize this rebound guy is just a fix of something that she wasn't getting from me. But like I have been reading Nc isn't about getting her back at all. Its about making that change in your life and realizing what needs to be done in the next relationship with whoever you end up with.

Will I be back on these boards boohooing to myself about I miss her and love her and that I eventually wanted to have kids and marry this girl? Yes I sure will but as I read others posts and can relate to things I see that the NC makes it so when that time will come when she does contact me I will Truly know what I want in life and if she is the right girl for me.

Thanks for putting up with my BS and heartaches. Today Im going to the gym and to work out and hang with my friends. I'm taking my mom to the hospital and she will be admitted so I'm just scared of how I'm going to handle being alone but Im sure you guys will hear from me soon =).

Oh and tomorrow I'm going to the beach with my friend and my sort of ex that didn't work because of her dad. But is a really awesome girl which I'm not going to try to go after just nice hanging with the opposite sex kind of blew off all my friend girls.

Just wanted to add that I just officially broke my record with not talking to her... yay? I don't know kind of feeling the blues again.

You should be celebrating everyday making it through. You are one step closer to a happier, healthier you.

How was the gym?

I am I'm really proud that I haven't broken the NC. I see in that way that I have learned from the past from what I have done wrong. Just hard as I've said 17772668890 million times before. I'm staying strong and I'm not going to break the nc. But yea kind of brokedown earlier today had to call the ambulence for the to get her and so I'm pretty much home alone for the night so I'm just getting used to that. But just hanging in there.

Google Cubix 3D, time will fky before you know it.

I just took like an hour to read all this. I've been married 2 years and you just brought back so many memories of when my wife and I were dating. Ok I admit it, usually I would mess things up and we would break up and she would use the nc on me. The first couple of times she was the one that would contact me and after like 4 times she was like I'm not having this anymore and wouldn't call or text me at all. Then I would miss her so much I would call her and she would be serious on the phone and would just be like literally hello, fine and you, nothing, nothing, no, no, bye. Seriously It was torture but it made me value her so much. Then when we would make up it was great just having her smiling and talking to me! We had a very close group of friends so if we were broken up we would still see each other and I would just stare at her and she would stare at me then we would end up talking and everything would be better. But going through that and learning from our mistakes made us stronger and our marriage wouldn't be the same if we didn't go through that. But here is the important thing >> It was mutual. I would do my best to keep her happy and she would do her best to keep me happy. Neither of us got through the point of cheating but I would get so jealous if I saw a guy talking to her or even looking at her because I would be like ugg I messed up! She could be talking to me and laughing at my jokes. And she would also get jealous if I talked to another girl even just as friends. Well anyway bottom line find someone that values you for who you are. You sound like a good guy any girl wouldn't would be lucky to date you. I know that sounds girly it's because my wife wanted me to write that!

Well it's almost been 2 weeks and just thought I would update on the progress.

Well I've been hanging out with old friends some friends that I thought I would never see. I met this awesome girl that were just starting to talk only problem is that she lives about 45 min. away. She is someone that It is the total opposite of my ex and just really opens my eyes of "there are more fish out in the sea". I remember when I first wrote on here my goal was to get her back and things be "normal".

Well now I can say I don't regret doing NC because it was probably one of the hardest things I had to go through but boy did it work magic. I'm hardly ever thinking about her or anything. I have stopped looking at her myspace profile.

She ended up texting me yesterday asking for a dress that's at my house. I just never responded back to it. I don't even want to see her or talk to her. I'm not ready and really I don't want to go back to day one. Well I will keep the updates coming if anything else changes.

My boyfriend was on a "break" when I first met him. He says he is happier with me than he ever was with her and he never went back to her.
My advice is that you know you ex. Would you rather go backwards and try to repair and cross your fingers that it sticks this time, or would you rather start with a new foundation from ground up?

Threads merged and edited to avoid confusion


So its been awhile since I last posted her but this is what has happen so far. I did the NC worked out wonderfully yea it was a bit of ups and downs. But made through and moved onto talking to another girl. Ok here where it makes a 180 my mother passed away 3 days after my birthday march 25. I called my ex and told her and she was really upset because that was like a mom to her. Anyway me and the other girl didn't work out because of her parents and the age diffrence. So that hit me pretty much at the same time also so I made the mistake of leanin myself towards my ex for comfort because everything me my mom and my ex has been through. At that time she was going through a break up with the guy she left me for so things just seemed to be leveling out at least.. I moved out of my house into a condo that my grandma is paying for ( jobs these days are near impossible) and so my ex stayed with me for a couple of days and everything was kind of smooth except for the fact that she was dealing with her ex going up and down. It just seemed like I was using her for the comfort of my mom and she was doing the same with her ex and my mom.

So she had a fbla trip out of county with her class which her ex is in and I knew things between me and her were going change. Because when she was about leave we talked to each other and I wanted to know where things were headed with us. ( I just wanted a foot through the door nothing like boyfriend girlfriend just kind of exclusive friends so we could work through our diffrences and see where that goes) well she came back today and they obviously made up with each other and today is his birthday so I found this out on myspace and went to her house to give her back the things she had and lets just say I had the macho attitude going there but I ended up begging her to get back with me to give us a chance... and I know it does the complete opposite.

So here I am alone and just knowing what's best to do but like I don't know she;s like the only thing keeping me sane and not dropping into a depression. I have friends and all but just right now in my life I having nothing to look forward to besides firefighting school which is in like 3 months... I know its wrong how to ask t get her back trust me I tried that in my past topic but like I also know I'm not ready for a new relationship either so I don't know. I guess you can say I'm just pouring how I feel onto here. But I will tell the truth I do miss her but I don't miss the games.

Anybody..

Anybody....?

You do not have to post more just to try to get a response. Anybody? Whenever anybody is around or knows how to respond to your question then they will, okay. Best of luck.

Joe

I know I just I don't know needed some feedback. Sorry.

I think the more in contact you are with your ex the more you will feel for her. I think you need to find another support post as the one you got now is not helping you with our emotional feelings.

The first thing you need to learn is how to deal with your own situation, in a positive way, and stop depending on others to be your emotional crutch, to get you through your tough times.

As you see that only prolongs the pain, and delays your healing, and overcoming your own difficulties.

Make a promise to yourself to grieve, mourn your losses, and get off the pity pot, and rebuild your life that you enjoy, for yourself, and no one else.

Till you start your firefighting school, learn to be good to yourself, and happy by doing things with family, and friends, and supporting them through what has to be a hard time also.

It takes time, and some work by you, so get busy, doing for yourself and leaving the g/f alone. There are no magic pills, or quick fixes, just how you handle yourself now.

You really need to find a different support system to take you through all you are going through at the moment. I understand you are going through a tough situation and I am really sorry to hear about your loss but you see your ex as a life vest whereas in reality she is dragging you down and complicating things in your mind. You need to start rebuilding your life. This will not happen overnight but now is the time to start accepting all losses and trying to lay the foundations for future ventures in your life

What will get you depressed is waiting for her to come back instead of accepting things for what they are and trying to move on. You don't want to be no ones back up plan, Im sure you deserve better

Well I wrote her a letter just telling her how I acted yesterday was pathetic and all that. And just that I love her and still care for her and if it's meant to be right now its not that time. I know she's really confused everyone is pushing her to be my support/girlfriend so after this letter I'm just going to be on my own.

I don't what it is but I was very close to my mom, you could say I'm a momma's boy and since she's passed I've been trying to fill the void with a girls attention I guess and I know that wrong to do.

I was able to get over her a month ago it was a lot easier having my mom there because she would understand what I was going through and every time I was feeling down I could go talk to her and now I really don't have someone to talk to about it and won't be fed up with it. I guess it's just part of growing up and becoming a man...

So last night she texted me saying she got the letter and didn't read it. I know she had to of by now it's 7am and the next day. I'm just disappointed I thought the letter would at least do something, I spent a lot of time on it. It wasn't a sappy love letter at all. It just pretty much said how I acted by begging her back and that I shouldn't of tried rushing things. And just I'll always care for her and love her. That I don't know if were meant to be and if we are right now isn't the best time.

It just seems whatever I do it just pushes her away. And I want to be with her. The reason why I do is because I can't have her and it's killing me. I mean it's pretty much day 2 for me since having to start over with getting over her. I just don't think I'm able to keep strong. I mean I'm hanging out with friends, I can't be with them 24/7. Last time I had my mom keeping me strong and hanging with friends to get my mind off her. Now it's like all I have is to wait for a friend to get out of work/school. Then be able to do something and by that time it's around like 6:00pm that day.

I stay in my condo by myself and ugh it just feels like jail because there's not really much I can do. Right now I'm finacially unstable and the only thing I can do is go to the gym during the days but I don't even have the energy to.

I just sick to my stomach thinking about them being together. The mother hates them together because she thinks he's a no good pos. Which is true but really that's pushing her towards him. Kind of like when someone tells you not to eat an apple, well what do you want to do? You want to eat an apple. It's just so frustrating right now and I'm being strong I'm not letting her see me depressed like posting my myspace status into letting her know I miss her. I see her status and it's just like " nothing can stop us now" and like I know damn well there not going to last.

When first started talking to her she told me that he was a rebound and that she would always talk about me and all this which pisses me off because it's like OK I'm finally here and nope she goes back with him. I know the girl is very confused on what she wants and I know I drove her away the other day and I know one day she is going to realize she made the mistake by just going with how she feels at the moment. I know if I was to get my own rebound ( which I'm not) she would be so upset and come running back.

I know this whole topic of mine I probably sound so pathetic but I just needed to get it out. And all I got is a couple of friends and this topic. I'm not to close with family so if I sound like I'm repeating myself it's just the emotional rollercoaster ride I'm having. I know after awhile my friends will get tired of hearing it. That's why I miss my mom I would talk to my mom maybe 2-3 times a day about the same thing about this and she would never get tired of it.

Just want to say thanks for listening to me vent I'm going to try to get more sleep later guys.

I'm hopeless I ended up calling her to tell her I don't want her calling me and everything and ugh... I end up finding out there back together and they have had sex... It's killing me inside and I know I'm just doing it to myself. I ended up seeing if they would work out ugh. Maybe I need to do what she did and get a rebound. Obviously she's doing way better then I am. I wish I could go back in time for when my mom passed away and just told her I'll we her at the funeral and let that be that.


I was over here so why is it so much harder to be stronger this time, I bet it has to do with my mom.

OK you are young, and it don't seem like it now, but you will get over her. Ive been there I think I was nineteen, I was heartbroken, he found a new girlfriend and it was hard, very hard. But I knew that I had to LIVE my life like you have to LIVE yours. So give her her space and you give yourself some space... try to not worry about it for a while, go out, talk to new people... dont get into another relationship right now, but give yourself sometime too... IF ITS MEANT TO BE IT'LL BE!! The first step is accepting that you might not get back together, but remembering that you two may be over, but it's a new beginning for something brighter, it took me a little while, and I found better... make her think that your doing just fine without her, she won't like that! Believe me!

... my ex wants me back to this day always writing me over the net sending me messages through friends, but now I'm over him... so its his loss!!

-good luck

That's makes a lot of sense what u said these past times me and her talked I've been sounding so pathetic. I need to keep my head held up high and not beat myself up and man up. It's hard espcially with these uncontrolable emotions. But I am sure going to do it. I did it before I can again.

It's hard especially with these uncontrollable emotions.


None of your emotions are uncontrollable, you just have to learn how. That's the life lesson you need to learn.

Anyway of learning how to? I know I'm hurting myself by going on myspace to see if there's anything new or her status and that really gets me down. I know talking to her does not help at either. Regardless of me doing that when I don't I still get those emotions and when I get down it's hard to control my actions and I don't think before I re act.

I did find a way to kind of ease the pain by when I start to think about her or anything to do with her I revert my thoughts to schooling or sports or something like that. I don't know that's just not dealing with the pain and hiding it or I don't know.

I know I sound pathetic, I just wish I had the strength to be stronger but it's just hard mourning about two losses at the same time. My friend is doing everything he can do to help by hanging out and stuff but I can't depend on him because he can't be around 24/7. And my other best friend well he will end up going through the same thing that I am eventually but he's up is girl butt always hanging out with her. I'm saving this topic so he will be able to read it all. He's 3years younger then me so kind of looks up to me so I want to make sure to show him that I was able to make it so he can to.

Steps:

1. Get RID OF Myspace and/or Facebook NOW!!

2. Every time you think of her, get up and do something productive. Exercise, read, clean, whatever.

3. Set goals for yourself, and I mean tough goals. Volunteer, help others out who are in so much more pain and helpless situations than you are. Get another job, anything.

You have to train yourself to do this, it isn't some natural ordeal. It is a process of gradually getting better and handling your emotions and this will help you tremendously in future relationships.