Hey guys long time no post from me.. been busy..
well okay I seriously don't know how my song writing goes. Tonight Im sitting here listening to Sarah Kelly and like poof out pops a song writing idea into my head, seriously its way random.. but here we go, I need lots and lots of tips and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism (the emphasis being on the word constructive if you haven't already noticed) from what I'm sure will be a lot of experts on this matter!

Im sorry that its such a long song, it took me a while to write and this is the first time I have tried the no rhyming in a song so Im sure I have made tons of amateur mistakes so here's a biog sorry in advance to those experts! This is only my 3rd song after all and the idea poped into my head randomly.

here we go the actual lyrics that I wrote

<Start of song>

Song Title: My Friend


Verse 1

Even as I walk down the street
Overshadowed by sin and darkness
Your love still remains, oh Lord
Guides me through all the woe and strife

Even as I walk down the street
Lost within Life's ups and downs
Your grace still remains, oh Lord
Empowering me through the pain and grief


Chorus 1:

You are the light of my life Oh Jesus
The never dying ray of hopefulness
Even when I am struggling
in the grips of sin and temptation
I know that You are still my friend

(Instrumental)

Verse 2

Even as I walk down the street
Trying to find all the answers
Your love still amazes me, oh Lord
Giving your life to cleanse me

Even as I walk down the street
Uncertain of what tomorrow holds
Your grace still amazes me, oh Lord
Granting me strength and faith to believe that


Chorus 2:

Repeat Chorus 1


You are the light of life Oh Jesus
The bridge to a life of freedom and
Even when the pain seems endless
I know that You are still my friend

<End of song>

Any ideas for a bridge are welcome as well!


Thanks for all the help and sorry about my clumsiness in writing in advance!



Adam

Hi, avenger9000!

What you've written is really quite good! I'm sure that with a few minor changes, that it would work well when set to music.

Do you play a musical instrument?

Thanks!

Well no but I can read both guitar tabs and sheet music.

OK so what changes do you suggest should be made?

I'll be back to help you shortly, avenger9000! I'm currently in a debate with someone on another thread.

Please give me a few minutes. Okay?

Thanks!

Okay, so you say that you can read sheet music. Can you read what might be written on both the bass and treble clefs and assimilate the rhythms that are being used?

Thanks!

Yes

Well actually my friend knows how. So I will get him to help me a bit.. see I'm useless with rhythm (I thought you were talking about the melody)

Melody and rhythm are intertwined with each other.

Sample melody is coming. It's nothing final. Just a sample...

Thanks!

Here is music to go with your first two lines of words. It's just very simple and only a sample as to what can happen here.

Thanks!

17091

Whoa! That's amazing...

Just put each of your words to each of the notes.

Can you tell me about the chords that I used in the bass clef?

Thanks!

Um... lol

I used six "C" chords with half notes and then a "G" chord on a whole note.

Would you be able to play something like that on the piano?

Thanks!

Yep

Okay, that's great! Then we can go from there!

I'm going to give you a sample that's just a bit more complicated. Please tell me if you would be able to play it.

It will take me a few minutes to compose it...

Thanks!

Here it is!

17092

This shouldn't be a problem so yeah and do you think maybe the lyrics can be tweaked a little bit or is it all right

I think that some of them need to be tweaked a bit. But, that's not all going to happen tonight.

Do you mean for this part to be a coda for the chorus?


You are the light of life Oh Jesus
The bridge to a life of freedom and
Even when the pain seems endless
I know that You are still my friend.

Thanks!

What I meant was some of the words Im completely satisfied with, it was so hard finding words that would fit the rhythm..

Hey, Adam!

I'm going to need to go for now. I will be on much later tonight if you would like to get together to do more with your song.

I think that you have a great beginning here! Just a hint for you, would you please take the address for your MSN out of your original post, please? Contacting outside of the site is something that's really frowned upon here. I would remove it, but I don't moderate Music, (but, I'm thinking of asking to be able to moderate it.) I had the option when I first became a moderator, but chose not to because most of the questions are about who sings this song and who is the artist. Although, now I think that there have been enough questions in Music that concern my sort of expertise, that I think that I'll ask to be able to moderate it also.

I'm more than glad to help you right on this thread! Also, what is posted here might also benefit someone else who comes along to read it!

Later...

Thanks!

Hey you there let me know when you are ready to help again

Hi, Adam!

I'm here right now! I am usually on a little earlier than now, but still am almost always on late at night. My daughter had major surgery today, so I spent most of the day at the hospital. I'll take a closer look at your lyrics yet tonight.

Thanks!

Ok first of all I hope you don't mind that my song is a worship song (but then you figured that already right) and yeah some words Im not very happy with... so do you think the words are good or maybe I can use some better ones? What was the major surgery your daughter had?

My daughter had her gallbladder removed. Thank you for asking.

I've been involved in leadership roles in church music for over 36 years. Your song is something that is close to my heart because of that.

I will be making some recommendations to you concerning it and do look forward to working on it with you in the near future.

Thanks!

Ok that's fine, thought I would make sure that you don't have problems with the worship song.. some people have problems with that... so that's all right!! And I'm looking forward to your recommendations!!


Thanks

(Im currently in the process of working on another song and its going to be a sad song about me breaking up with my last girlfriend so once I get that done I will let you have a look at it)

Thanks for all your help so far and Im looking forward to working with you more on this song!

Right now, it's close to 6:00 P.M. where I'm located. I direct the local male barbershop chorus around where I live. We have rehearsal tonight that goes until 10:00 P.M. I will try to be back on here starting at about 11:30 P.M. on. If you're around then, that would be great!

Thanks!

Hey you disappeared haha what happened?

Hi, avenger9000!

I was waiting for you to return! I haven't been on all that much lately though, due to some health issues that I've been having. I'll look forward to working with you sometime in the near future, if you would like!

Thanks!

Yep that would be good

Perhaps we can get together late at night during some of the days of this coming weekend? I don't really have anything going on tomorrow night or Sunday night. I do need to get to bed early on Saturday night because I need to play for church in the morning. Also, on Friday night, I can be on late, but not really late, because I need to get up to direct my barbershop chorus that's singing at a local restaurant during the breakfast hours.

Thanks!

Make it satanic, Death metal like Deicide and Morbid angel, Don't get me wrong I'm not taking the piss, People get bored, yes? They get bored because every new age song is about girls in clubs and jesus oooohhh oh lordy . Just spice it up a little add some violence, death, pure hatred!!