Hi Everyone,

Writing this question is hard, and people will judge what I have done and think "you brough this on yourself" but please hear me out.

Back in October I did a very stupid thing. I basically stole from my partner the sum of £400. I did not just steal this money, it was kept in a draw. I used the money to pay for our holiday until I got paid. My partner was not meant to find out as I was going to put the money back. I know this does not makie the situation right. I lied to cover this up that I did not do it.

We have worked hard to try and get things back on track unitl yesterday something happened...

Money had gone missing from my partners and I am being blamed, only this time I did not take a thing. I would not be that stupid to do that again. I have no idea what has happened to this money.

He is now saying that he does not trust me and does not believe me. How can he have a relationship with me etc etc. And yes I agree.

I told him that if we end our 2 year relationship I will know that I will be walking away with a clear heart over this. But I do not want the relationship to end. This is the 1st thing that we have come across in the trust being rebuilt and he doesn't not seem to see that. Or to hear what I am saying.

I have not sent loads of emails to him and basically left him alone.

I just need someone to give me some advice please?

The first step in trying to work through issues like this is taking responsibility for your actions and owning up to them - which I can see you've done so I do give you credit for this. People make mistakes, we're human after all.

Although you meant no harm by doing this, it did breach his trust and you have to understand that when this happens in a relationship, depending on the level of violation your partner feels it can be difficult but not impossible to heal - as long as they are ultimately willing to let go of the past and forgive.

I'll compare this to "cheating" for example (to me the severity of cheating would be much higher than your situation, but that is all relative to that person's value system). Suppose we forgive our partner for "cheating" on us. If they act even remotely suspicious, I would hazard a guess that most of us will initially react and the first thing on our minds would be that our partner might be cheating on us again. It can be difficult to overcome this.

My advice is to give him some time to cool off for a bit. In the meantime, go on with your life and keep busy doing things you normally. If he wants to give the relationship another go he'll say so. I believe you're doing right by leaving him alone for now. I truly believe that most things can be worked out in a relationship but ONLY if both partners are willing to make the effort to move past what has happened.

I just want to shout at him and make him understand that I did not take money from him this time. I did before which I admitted too. But no this time. I get that I will be asked and accused. Maybe it is time that I really start to wonder if the relationship is flawed...

Is this a business partner or a partner in a personal relationship?

How did this money go missing? Cash stash at home? Work? From a bank acct?

This is a personal relationship. And money went missing from home.

I am not going judge you but will say that no matter what you say or do he won't believe you especially since it was done in the past by you. But maybe with time the truth will some out and he will see that you didn't do it the second time around but put yourself in his shoes and understand why he has a hard time believing you.

When this happen the first time did you tell him the truth right away or lied about it at first? Also, are their other people around that live with you?

That was the problem, I lied about it first which made it worse. I understand his side and if the roles were reversed then I would think the same. But I am telling the truth. I want to go and tell everyone what has happened before and what is going on now, I do not care who knows what I did before, I am not taking the blam for something that I have not done.

No one else lives with him, and we have our own houses. HE counted this money when he was drunk, and then two days later he went to the money there was £120 missing. I can not give an explanation for where the money is, apart from I have not taken it.

Unfortunately it takes such seemingly inconsequential things to break trust and when it's broken, it takes SO MUCH work on both sides to gain it back again.

I don't know the stats but I'd say most relationships that lose trust do not recover from this.

I'm in no way judging you, but I am telling you that this one is out of your hands. You have to wait until he comes to his own decisions.

But really, think of it like this, would you be able to build back up the relationship after this blow?

Because I'd bet he's not going to be coming back with his tail between his legs, even when/if he figures out it wasn't you that took the money.

The divide between you two now will be even wider than before, so it may be that you have some serious questions to be asking yourself too.

I think you have paid enough for your mistake, and your doing the right thing by leaving him alone for now. When the truth comes to light, he may apologize, but for now give him the time, and space to find the truth.

We just talked again and there is now way I can admit to something that I have not done. Which I said. He said that he is going to have to just suck up the money that is missing. As there is no way of proving that I did or did not take it. Which, I have to say I agree with him.

He said that he does not want to think about it any longer, and move on from it. I am going round there later and we are going out for a dinner party tonight as planned.

I do still want to be with him, and not just because I am in love. There is more to it. He is under so much financial strain at the moment, and may actually loose his home due to this. Prehaps we are delaying the inevitable, but I have to keep trying. Walking away is the easiest option to do. This is the 1st hurdle and I am not going to walk away. If he is then I understand and love him enough to let him go.

Trust can be re-built. I have seen and known people that have been through other trust issues and they end up having the best relationships... We will just have to wait and see what happens...