I apologize for this LONG story but I need to get it off my chest and I need some help so I appreciate anyone and everyone that takes the time to carefully read my story.


So my now ex girlfriend who's 20, and I am 23 -- (since last october) her and I were together for over a year. We became great friends, fell in love, and it was great... until I got bored of her and started talking to another girl. I didn't cheat on my girlfriend, I liked this other girl, somehow this (other girl) had told my girlfriend that we had been talking and been talking about "x-rated" things together. This one simple mistake was held against me from my girlfriend our entire relationship, she never forgave me (I don't think). We did take time apart back then but then got back together... now as time went on, I became possessive, clingy, controlling of my girlfriend.. paranoia took over me, I always assumed she'd be talking to a guy, online, on the phone, texting him. I'd get mad over a myspace or Facebook comment and flip out on her. At times I'd threaten to break up with her if she didn't delete her myspace, I do agree I was immature then, I cared about myself, and at times I controlled that and others times, I had a tough time controlling myself... so for months and months and months we went in circles of arguing, fighting, not seeing each other. Go a day (only a day) without seeing each other.

Now here's the part that will make people cringe. For over a year that I was with this girl, we texted EVERY DAY I mean every day, from the moment we woke up, while we were at work, when we got off work, till we went to bed. We even talked on the phone all the time. A lot of times we would fight and make up immediately after like we called each other bad names then say sorry and kiss and make up, now I know that's ALL wrong.. we both learned its not right... so then this last summer, one night we were talking and I was happy because my brother who's a felon in another state texted me said hey I got a phone now, well I was ecstatic because I could talk to him! My girlfriend makes a joke saying oh my gosh what's his number so I can text him too! Well, I gave her the number as a joke saying fine here, talk to my brother. Then my brother asked why my girlfriend was calling her, OKAY.. now... since my girlfriend and I were having problems, now all of a sudden her and my brother are calling each other all the time, talking on myspace, leaving each other cute comments, messing around. Now I know he's in another state and there is no way nothing could happen because quite frankly, he lives with his ex g/f and he wants to be with her... now, this carried on for a month or so which led me to call her names, be possessive and "spy" on her, constantly checking her myspace page, her phone, recent calls, texts, her internet history. I even got on her myspace on her phone a couple times because she was automatically logged in... now keep in mind, my girlfriend has done most of if not all the same things I have done to her... now, one day she flips out and says I'm done! I've had it, this isn't working, I don't want to be with you anymore. I made the most common mistakes and here they are

I cried, I begged her to take me back, I lost control even threatened to hurt myself which made her have pity on me and feel sorry, I kept texting her all day, I told her if you want to break up do it the right way come over tonight and do it...

Well that night was horrific, the rain was pouring so hard, harder than I have EVER seen in my entire life, it was a sad night as she did come over we went to my room, sat down, and she just cried.. said "i can't do this anymore.. it's too hard... it's too stressful, it's too much." and I got upset, cried, and she had laid there in my bed for hours as we both just sat in disbelief and silence for HOURS... then as she says "i gotta go home..." I cry, beg her to please stay the night, she says no she has to go, she holds me, kisses me on the forehead then on my lips, crying, and tells me if you ever need a friend, please don't hesitate to call me or text me or message me online okay? I said sure... and as I watched her leave my house, I stood in the rain for an hour and let it soak me. I was brokenhearted, stunned, shocked, in silence, crying, upset, depressed, I wanted to disappear.

Now, here's some more mistakes that I know I made, that night I texted her, she texted me, we had this text message terror going on, I mean she just broke up with me and is headed home, now were texting nonstop saying I love you good night sleep well? I mean what the heck?? About a week or two later, we had sex... big mistake. Supposedly she is physically attracted to me and I her, that we just can't control our emotions... well every day after that, we constantly TEXTED all day, every day, we even kept hanging out and seeing each other, watch movies late at night, still kissed, made out, etc... still acted like we were together when we weren't. As days/weeks went by, her friends disapproved of it, her brother hated/hates me and her brother is dating my ex g/f's best friend so that doesn't help either, so not only does my ex's brother hate me, but her best friend too... now her mother doesn't like me she thinks I'm playing mind games, and I have... but more on that further ahead... anyway, as weeks went by we constantly texted, called each other, kept seeing each other, bought each other gifts and stuff, hung out on thanksgiving, we continued having a sexual relationship, and we spent christmas together. In between this time, I was immature and foolish to play mind games.. I would constantly make up things saying hey I'm going out with a friend (to make her jealous to see if she still cared for me and loved me) I would even go as far as making fake myspace profiles of girls to get her jealous, and she definitely would flip out and go psychotic and on a rage saying go F her just go F her, you don't love me you don't want to be with me.. but me being mr. nice guy, once I got her in that stage,I 'd give in and say I do love you I do want to be with you, look, that myspace profile is fake okay? She would get so upset (rightfully so) but then forgive me and things would get better. I then stopped using myspace, we had talks of getting back together, which went on for weeks... now new years comes around, we spend it together, have a good time, end up having sex again.


Now I want to back up a bit, the day we broke up last October, from weeks ahead, she constantly was blaming me for everything, saying I started the fights, I was playing games, I hurt her by calling her names, etc.. I am/was sorry for all of it and I did stop, and did she. Now, ever since last October we've been on and off, on and off. We'd see each other, kiss, say we love one another, but like all her friends wouldn't know we were still seeing each other, her family didn't know, she was lying to see me all the time! I felt horrible about that and told her look, I don't like the secrets, I don't like this at all.. your around my family and friends, they know we see each other, why doesn't your family and friends know? Well shortly after, they did find out... and now back to February.

Things are good, valentines is coming up, were doing great, were not fighting, not arguing, were seeing each other again more and more, then the day before valentines, her grandpa has a stroke (very sad) but he's in the hospital and recovering. We didn't see each other on valentines, I got mad and jealous and selfish, threw a fit and snapped for the first time in weeks. I felt horrible. The next day, she comes to see me after hanging out with a friend, we shared our valentines day gifts, made out, watched a couple movies, then she went home... Now after this, she tells her parents we might get back together, she tells her friends, they don't like the idea. Her mom told her just wait till he messes with your head again... and I made that stupid mistake now I'm paying for it.

Now here it comes... after valentines we started fighting again because she started talking to my brother again, they were always online at the same time, I became furious. I then played mind games on her again because I used to do it a lot, I would say I'm going to hang out with her (or a friend) or I'm at the bar, or I'm going on a date, it would hurt her... then one day I flipped out because she said she was going out with some guy to a party. After that she says two words that just made me lose all oxygen in my lungs

I'M DONE! From that night to the next day (yesterday) all she says through text and online is I'm done. It's over. I'm done with your games, I'm sick of it. I've never been so negative in my life until I met you, I need to be around and have positive people and things in my life because this is unhealthy. I kept texting her, just flooding her phone with texts saying please no don't be done, I love you so much, I can't be without you, etc, pretty much making a big mistake, she just says no. no. I'm done. Sorry. I'm sick of this. I can't stand you I'm done with you. I want to move on, I'm getting a new phone, new number and you need to move on.


Now before you all flip out on me, here's the situation... both of us deep down truly love and care about one another... I know it, and she knows it... what IS the best thing to do.. I feel so lost, I feel like I've lost her for good... now please, I don't want ANY negative comments or replies... I want HELP please. So don't bash me, don't bash her, or this thread...

What do I do? She says she doesn't want to be friends, she deleted me off Facebook, made her myspace profile private.. Turns out she's using Yahoo and is always online on Yahoo preferably talking to my stupid brother.

What the heck do I do? We were just working things out, we got so close to getting back together, now I'm more hurt than ever before. We've gotten back together 3 times since we broke up. We got back together a month after the first time, next day she changes her mind. We get back together 3 weeks later, next day, she changes her mind. The THIRD time, we're trying to get back together, things are good, now she's changed her mind again and this time doesn't want me a part of her life for anything. She wants me gone for good.

Now I don't want any advice saying she's gone, move on. Let her go. This is a tough situation what can I do to get her back into my life. I do love her, I am willing to change... and I made the mistake telling her I would change a zillion times, but nothing ever changed. EVER. I continued to hurt her and demoralize her self-esteem and she did the same to me... Until she finally said I'm done again I've had enough..

Please, any help would be beneficial in this situation and this is a tough one. I do want to be with her, I miss her so much and I know she feels the same way. Do I stop talking to her? No texting? No emailing? No hand written letters? How can I control my urge to constantly check her Facebook or myspace page? I feel like I'm stalking her and I hate it. I feel obsessed with her and I can't stand it. It makes me SICK! And it drives me insane emotionally even more so now since everything of hers online is now inaccessible to me whatsoever. All private.

Do I stop talking to her for a week or two? We have NEVER and I mean never gone more than I would say 4-5 days without talking and that was when we were together after we had a fight last summer. Other than that it would be one day without contact which was very rare. Is all hope lost? Is there anyway to make her miss me and want me back? I'm calling on all experts in this forum for help... and I will listen to whatever it is you have to say. What do I do to get better and get over this meanwhile keep her a part of my life? I don't believe she will change her number but you never know, because I used that threat against her a while ago and it tore her up inside now its doing the same to me but I actually believe her that she will change it... I don't want to let her go, I love her so much and miss being with her and miss just getting along and being happy, I want to get back to that stage. What are some strategies or steps/tips I can use to make this happen?

Thank you and God Bless.

Bascially you know the answer to all your questions already and your not going to listen to any advice your given x

After reading all of that, it seems you both played games in the relationship and both aren't mature enough to handle a serious relationship. She finally got tired of the limbo and well games and ended it. Go about your separate ways and learn from this.

BTW, myspace and those stupid social networking sites are the devil for break ups or even relationships it appears now.

You don't want any negative advice, however I see no positive in your relationship. There is only two ways you can go about this.

1* keep fighting for this relationship and keep making yourself and your ex miserable.

2* TRY and move forward, work on yourself to become a better person. This will help you with any other future relationships.

Your choice

Sorry guy, but your actions have poisoned this relationship, and she has taken the steps to stay away from you, and move to a better place, without you.

You can waste time with more games, and bad behavior, and have more misery and pain, or you can put this time to good use by seeing your mistakes, and correcting them, within yourself. I can guarantee, if you don't leave her alone completely, and deal with what's yours, it will poison every relationship you ever have.

Sorry for your loss, but hope you learn how to cope with yourself, in a positive way, and move beyond this situation.

I agree with everything said above. You both proved that your too immature emotionally to cope with a relationship at the moment. Reading your story I kept forgetting that you were 23! It was like reading about a pair a 16 year olds. Also I think she's made it more than ovbious that she's not interested in you anymore and has moved on because she can't deal with the hurt anymore and you trying to scrape bak any kind of relationship is only going to prolong the hurt for yourself. I say move on, sometimes two people can love each other but not be good for each other and I think that's wats wrong here. If you love her let her move on and be happy and do the same yourself. Xx

Can I get some Cliffs Notes on the above story?

:)

He was in a relationship, played games. Girl got tired of said games and ended the relationship, now he misses said girl and wants to know how to make it up to her.

Advice is a gift, whether you see it is a positive or negative depends solely on you.

I'm going to be a bit harsh here because I strongly feel you need to hear it. Not only were your actions extremely immature, but highly manipulative and controlling as well. In fact, if your ex were to come on this board seeking advice, I'd be the first to tell her to dump your sorry butt. I'm not saying she is completely free from blame though, you both contributed to the failure of this relationship.

If you're looking for ways to manipulate or play more mindgames to get her back, you came to the wrong place. You have some serious growing up to do before you should consider being in any type of relationship. Based on the facts you've provided, it sounds to me that this unhealthy relationship needed to end.

Not what you wanted to hear? Sorry, I am not going to sugarcoat things for you. I am actually glad she broke up with you - you were quite obviously a huge negative influence on her life. You said you can change? Well, you already got your chance.. and a second one.

You're asking for help, so I'm going to give it to you. Save yourself the heartache and try to find it within yourself to let go. You're only 23 - you're still young. Be glad you made these mistakes now than later on down the road. This experience will prepare you for the next relationship - but only if you learn from it and spend time on some much needed personal growth. I'm glad you recognize that you did these actions however, and that's the first step. Now I'm not going to give you false hope here, but if you take the time to improve yourself and correct address the flaws within you, it will leave the door open to a potential future relationship with this girl (instead of completely shutting it) and help you out in any future relationship you have with anyone else.

If you need suggestions on ideas on how to improve yourself, feel free to ask. Good luck.

Thanks guys for your insight... well today is the day after she says I'm done, then she sends me a text in the morning saying hi. I didn't respond for a couple hours and actually I had a little date setup to go out and see a movie, which I did, just for fun to get my mind off my ex I'm not looking at this girl as a rebound she likes me but she's more like a friend to me.. the point I'm trying to make is, I told my ex, hey I got my hands full right now I'm going to see a movie, maybe we can catch up some other time, she says "no its ok im out right now i gotta let you go." I didn't say anything back, I went to the movies came home, she texts me back saying hey what's up? I didn't respond at first just said not much but I'm kind of busy right now. Then she said "im busy anyway too, have fun though i'm outtie."

So what should I do now? Keep in touch with her, obviously she still has feelings if she wants to text me out of no where like that, right now its just so hard, being deleted off Facebook, all of our pictures removed, etc. she told me she was supposed to get a new phone with a new # today (last night she said this) but could she have said that just to hurt my feelings? Anyway, I don't know what to do right now, I'm really confused even after everything I did, she's still trying to talk to me, what should I do now? NC period, that's it? I don't have a whole lot of friends and don't many chances to go out since I have a child, so he's pretty much all I have but its so hard not to think about her.

thanks guys for your insight... well today is the day after she says im done, then she sends me a text in the morning saying hi. i didnt respond for a couple hours and actually i had a little date setup to go out and see a movie, which i did, just for fun to get my mind off of my ex im not looking at this girl as a rebound she likes me but shes more like a friend to me.. the point im trying to make is, i told my ex, hey i got my hands full right now im going to see a movie, maybe we can catch up some other time, she says "no its ok im out right now i gotta let you go." i didnt say anything back, i went to the movies came home, she texts me back saying hey whats up? i didnt respond at first just said not much but im kinda busy right now. then she said "im busy anyway too, have fun though i'm outtie."

so what should i do now? keep in touch with her, obviously she still has feelings if she wants to text me out of no where like that, right now its just so hard, being deleted off facebook, all of our pictures removed, etc. she told me she was supposed to get a new phone with a new # today (last night she said this) but could she have said that just to hurt my feelings? anyway, idk what to do right now, im really confused even after everything i did, she's still trying to talk to me, what should i do now? NC period, thats it? i dont have a whole lot of friends and dont many chances to go out since i have a child, so he's pretty much all i have but its so hard not to think about her.

I only read the abridged version of the first post, but this is STILL GAMES. No Contact is NO CONTACT, do not answer calls, texts, emails, ANYTHING. Leave each other alone, worry about you and you only.

You have a child? U ought to be cuttiig all contact with this person and concetrating on your child for a bit.

Seems like you guys are still playing games with one another. After she leaves you, you're out with another girl already? And seems like she's trying to make you jealous. Doesn't look like you guys are both ready for a relationship.

We told each other off for good and I'm happy. Now I'm happy to say I'm ready to forget about her entirely and leave it all behind. Turns out she's been seeing someone else since we broke up, oh well, she had a lot of lies and told the truth, but its all right. Better fish in the sea : ) I've been through breakups before and I am NOT about to let this one bring me down whatsoever. Cannot bring that kind of depression around my son! Thank you and God Bless.