My son's Father lives with his parents for the past 3+ years. No real job or income since. I am wondering how this will affect our son(s). The Grandmother is the real "care-taker" when our child is there. The difference in the behavior that our child has here, at our house, and there at his Grandparent's/Dad's house is outrageously obvious. I think it is not too healthy of a situation... Too many rules from different people. Not to mention the fact that it is "Grandma and Grandpa." One minute it is being spoiled, the next disipline. I am worried that our son will develop a type of thinking that "women are to do it all." He is at many times very direspectful to me and I have noticed, to his Grandma also. Any insight will be HELPFUL!

All you can do is have talks with him about how life is suppose to be and keep being a rule model.
Don't come right out and use words like dysfunctional or any negative words but explain to him how family relationships are meant to work.

Children are very adaptable to different house/different rules scenerios.

The father of your child has a right and it is necessary for both the child and the father for visitation to take place. You don't state how old your child is, but at some point in time the father is going to have to grow up. Is there a child support order in place? He should be financially contribute to the expenses of the child, how does he do that without holding a job? My bigger concern with that sort of household is apparently the father has the attitude of no ambitions since his mother and father will still take care of him at an apparent adult stage of life, that is not something that you want for your child to learn. Adults have to become self sufficient.

Good luck to you.