My wife(46) and I(50) have been married for 24 years and have two teenage children. She is a very ambitious woman who is a high school assistant principal and attends graduate school one night a week and Saturdays. To say she is busy is an understatement.
I've been very supportive of her continued education (she's working on her doctorate) even though it means my doing most of the house work and too much time alone.
Two years ago my sister-in-law planned a fun 50th birthday for my brother. Family flew into Colorado and we all stayed at a ski resort. It was a lot of fun. Six months ago I mentioned to my wife I'd like to do something special for my upcoming 50th birthday. Usually birthdays around our house amount to our going out for dinner and returning home to a store bought cake. As the birthday approached, I wondered if anything different would occur. My friends seemed very quiet about my birthday and I thought there might be a surprise party. Guess what?
The afternoon of my birthday my wife called to say she was headed home. She arrived home about a half hour later than usual. She asked me where I wanted to out to dinner. We went to a local restaurant and then returned home. She had two "party bags" and a store bought cake. Inside the bags were two shirts and a jacket (we have a combined income of nearly $200K). In one of the bags was the store receipt with a time stamp of late that afternoon.
She is a good wife and I love her, but my 50th came and went with a wimper. Am I wrong feeling confused and let-down?
p.s. Yes, I have planned extravagant celebrations over the years for her.

If she is 46 and doing all this work now, how old will she be when she accomplishes her goals and starts enjoying the fruits of her labour. Is she doing this to make more money ?

She apparently made an effort, with the gift and dinner etc. She is just too busy. Get her to slow down if you love her.

Yes, Have have to agree with you. If you gave her a hint she should have remembered to plan something more elaborate. Maybe on your 60th !

Tick

You are right about her continued education ambition. My friends have asked me about it also. I guess her spending time at school can be more important than loved ones.

While you shouldn't have been surprised your wife didn't make you a priority on your 50th birthday because her schedule leaves little room to do much else, you're not wrong to have felt let down by her. Let her know you were disappointed and want quality time together to make up for it... giving her a chance to plan something special just for the two of you.

Sometimes there's no fixing certain things, and I think this 50th, is one of those things that can't be remedied. It's not like you didn't mention it, and she isn't completely devoid of any ideas. What you need to take away from this experience, is that you now know where you fit in, in her new set of priorities. Let's face it, when women are new to a relationship, and young, they are very passionate, and over time, this fades. It's up to you, to not let these things fade by constantly providing her with rewarding, passionate memories. If my marriage had deteriorated to this point, I'd begin to think about separation, as its obvious you simply don't rate very highly on her scale of things that are important to her right now. Get yourself to a gym, hit the gym hard, eat right, and make yourself a "catch" again, and work towards separating physically and financially from her as you have already emotionally separated from her, you just don't want to admit it to yourself. Sure, leaving her, and going out on your own will be scary, and lonely at times, but in the end, you will find yourself in a better place in a couple of years than where you currently are. She may come to seriously value you, once she actually believes she may lose you, she may not, but make yourself ready for the world of women that are out there, begging for a good man. Sounds like you're a decent guy, and you should do fine. Remember, at your age, the odds are now in your favor, far more than they were when you were younger (men die off right about your age). Besides, maybe you can now focus your life on some of your own hobbies, and interests and you might find someone who has far more in common with you than your wife. If I didn't spell it out well enough, get yourself together and leave her for your own mental health's sake. Think forward to the day when you will be on your death bed, looking back at your life, do you want it to play out as it currently is, or does my way seem a little more fulfilling when you look back from your death bed?