Help!

I've liked this girl (we're both in our early twenties) for almost a year now, but the entire time she had a boyfriend (for 1 year and a half). We live 2 hours drive away, but her boyfriend lives in the same city. I have no idea how they are doing, but it is her first boyfriend.

For the past year, we've kept in touch pretty well. We talked on the phone at least once a week for a few hours. We emailed every second day. And when I'm in town, we would go out just the two of us.

A few weeks ago I told her how I felt. Basically, to summarize the important parts of the conversation, I said: "I really like you, but I know you have a boyfriend, so I tried so hard to fight off the feelings but I just can't." She said: "I don't know what to say, but thank you for telling me"... and then we hung up.

It's been 3-4 weeks now and we did not really speak much since that day. I've been giving her space and time to digest what I said and hopefully she will say something back.

Then, two days ago, I couldn't take it and I called her up. We just talked like normal and then I asked her if she was free this weekend. I just wanted to hang out with her, I was not planning to bring up my feelings for her. She said she might go out of town. But if she is in town, she will let me know. I find out tonight.

At this moment, this is exactly how I feel and what I want to say to her:

I am the type of person who would go after what I want. I do not sit around and wait for something to happen.

But I also know that sometimes, there are restrictions beyond my control. For example, it does not matter how I feel about you, the fact remains that you have a boyfriend.

I respect that and I really hope that you are happy. But there is so much I want to say and do but I cannot. I cannot even tell you how much I like you or even why I like you.

At first, I wanted to know how you feel about me too. But since you have a boyfriend, it is better if you do not say anything. I do not want to ruin your relationship.

Because I know that nothing can happen between us, I feel so much pain. Part of me wants to stay friends with you because I rather you be part of my life than nothing at all. But at the same time, staying friends with you will remind me of the pain.
Obviously I cannot say 90% of those things. What do I do?

I know the reality is that I have to move on. Here's an analogy of how it feels. It feels like I will fail an exam because I am not allowed to show up. I won't even get a chance to write the exam. I know that I should have dropped the course, but I missed the deadline. It's too late to drop, I like her too much.

Great analogy ,very fitting.

If she so easily dropped a boyfriend for you what kind of person would that make her?

Is that the kind of person you could trust in the future?
If she did it to him,she could do it to you.

I think you are putting her in an awkward position and there is no way she can gracefully bow out.

You should have the grace to bow out and not try to mow another mans lawn.

That is why it is so painful. I know that I have to keep my distance because she has a boyfriend and I do not want her to break up with him to be with me, cause obviously I will not be able to trust her.

In a perfect world, she would break up with him naturally, I would wait a few months to be sure that she is over him and then make a move. But life's not always fair.

I think I've thought of nearly every possibility and considered all the consequences. So the reason I posted this question is because I was wondering if I missed something out.

Moving on is the easy way out...

It sounds like she is avoiding you and doesn't want to blatantly say " no i dont want to do anything with you". My guess is she will say she is busy this weekend.

This is only a guess but if that's the case it's time to forget about her (as more than a friend... or altogether if that will be too hard).

You took a chance, she knows how you feel and obviously doesn't want to keep seeing you right now. If something happens with her boyfriend in the future at least she knows how you feel.

Having said that she will most likely start seeing you again as a friend some time in the future, just keep giving her space I guess.

That is why it is so painful. I know that I have to keep my distance because she has a boyfriend and I do not want her to break up with him to be with me, cause obviously I will not be able to trust her.

In a perfect world, she would break up with him naturally, I would wait a few months to be sure that she is over him and then make a move. But life's not always fair.

I think I've thought of nearly every possibility and considered all the consequences. So the reason I posted this question is because I was wondering if I missed something out.

Moving on is the easy way out...

Like you said.. in a perfect world but reality is a whole other ball game.

Moving on is not always easy and it is hard to have your hopes dashed but since you have considered all possible scenarios,I think you are in a good position to move on.

Best of luck! You sound like a nice guy with a good sense of morality!

To: Lowtax

What you said is probably true. I think I've thought of nearly every possibility and considered all the consequences. So the reason I posted this question is because I was wondering if I missed something out.

In Smallville there was a scene where Clark said: "Loving is a really hard. But hating is ... clean." In this case, instead of hating it would be "moving on" which I say is the easy way out, but I guess it is also my only choice?

I just wish that there was something more that I can do that I haven't thought of.

That is why it is so painful. I know that I have to keep my distance because she has a boyfriend and I do not want her to break up with him to be with me, cause obviously I will not be able to trust her.

In a perfect world, she would break up with him naturally, I would wait a few months to be sure that she is over him and then make a move. But life's not always fair.

I think I've thought of nearly every possibility and considered all the consequences. So the reason I posted this question is because I was wondering if I missed something out.

Moving on is the easy way out...

I think you answered it all yourself here , I don't think there's anything wrong with letting her know how you feel , you've done that now so all you can really do is sit back and wait. You can't help the way you feel but you can control your actions.

But like you say if she does breakup with her BF let her have a few months to get over the emotional turmoil. You don't want to end up being her rebound.

Good Luck!

You are in the FRIEND ZONE.....

A hard escape now...

A year of just hanging out sends the signal that you are a friend and she likes that...

You needed to hit on her a bit some time and then back off to respect the boyfriend - but let her know where you stand ------ about a year ago:-)

But hey, life is not a straight line... for now, you've said your piece. Lesson learned. And I hate to say this but if she got wind you were going out with someone else (even if a casual date) it would at least force her to think about you as more than a friend ad that she better think twice -

I'd back way off and be super cool when you all do talk etc. but I'd look for a girl that can be are girlfriend for now...

UPDATE

I heard from her tonight. She said that she's not available on the weekend. But I'm in town for business on Wednesday and she said that she'll will most likely be able to see me that day.

Should I have that follow up conversation on my feelings for her or just spend a pleasant day?

Btw, thanks for everyone's advice.

She KNOWS your feelings.

She is busy on the weekend...

Leave her alone for now unless you can commit to just being friends... that's what "hanging out" is all about.
If she is a cool girl, maybe that's enough for now.

Can you do that?

She knows how you feel, but you have allowed yourself to be her distraction, for when she has time to see you. Don't you think she would leave her boyfriend if you were a better catch? Are you having sex, or just dating? Doesn't matter, she is still cheating, and you have acknowledged already you wouldn't be able to trust her if she did leave this other fellow, so what's the point in chasing something that there is no future benefit in.

You need to stop this game, and get a healthy relationship, with someone who is available to share your happiness with. Stop fooling yourself.

I guess the Jim and Pam (from the Office) gave me some hope. I know that's a fantasy and reality is not the same.

I know that I can stop this game and go find someone else. But like I said in my analogy, I don't want to fail an exam because I didn't show up. I rather fail knowing that I at least tried.

At first, I was willing to wait to see if her relationship pans out, cause when I met her, they only dated a few months. During that time, we've kept our distance to make sure that we're in the friends zone, which obviously sucks, but I don't want to be the guy that she "cheats" with. So like I said earlier, I was hoping that she would break up with him naturally and not "choose" me "over" him.

I know that I can take the "harsh reality" way out and move on. I was just really hoping that there was something I could do that I haven't tried yet.

Is it possible that she doubts how much I like her which is making her hesitate? Cause I didn't even explain my feelings, I just made her aware of them.

I don't want to fail an exam because I didn't show up. I rather fail knowing that I at least tried.

Fact- she has someone else, and doesn't need you, so the exam with her has been called off. Now get real, and get a real life.

Sorry to be harsh, but she doesn't feel like that about you, and your wasting time waitong for her to break up.

Maybe you should clean the air and leave it alone but in all honesty I don't think you should say anything unless she brings it up.

She just starting back talking to you and you already expressed how you feel about her. Time to start back being friends if you can handle it and if she could too knowing how you feel.

Of course that day is not here where she is available either, that she would "most likely" do don't count the minutes till it is here.

I wouldn't push your feelings onto her anymore, she knows how you feel already. You will show her that you have respect for her being in a relationship by not pushing the issue further.

I repeat: she knows how you feel.

Now let her alone and feel your absence and see how that feels.

This girl may be friend material, and if she is ever going to be more it's up to her now...

I repeat: she knows how you feel.

now let her alone and feel your absence and see how that feels.

this girl may be friend material, and if she is ever gonna be more it's up to her now...

I know, I think I'm starting to come to terms with this. I know that it's her move if she wants more.

Well it turns out that we're going to meet up this Wednesday. I think I'm just going to focus on being friends and if she ever wanted anything she will have to bring it up.

However, if I see that she's feeling kind of tense around me, then I'll try my best to make her laugh and feel more comfortable, but if that's not working, then should I be taking the initiative to bring it up?

then should I be taking the initiative to bring it up?
No that will be applying the pressure you don't want

There is no chance for a relationship right now. Don't bring it up.
Don't think about it. Don't try for it.

Well that's good, maybe she just wants to see what will happen (like if you can still be friends). I think that's the best to hope for right now.

Let us know how it goes Wednesday

Just let her make the moves. You made the first move now you wait for her turn.

Well that's good, maybe she just wants to see what will happen (like if you can still be friends). I think that's the best to hope for right now.

Let us know how it goes wednesday

How it went Wednesday

So I'll try to make a long story short. When we met up, I asked her how she's been, cause she's had 5 days off already in her study break. And I asked her if she did anything fun so far. She told me that she's been pretty stressed and hasn't done anything fun at all. She has two midterms and a lab report due next week. And I knew that after lunch she had to go to school to get some work done. So when we went to eat, I ordered two glasses of wine. It actually worked out pretty well. But even before she took a sip of the wine, she already started opening up to me a lot. I've never heard her talk so much and so happy with "me" before. Basically she seemed really comfortable around me.

At first she was telling me some of her problems and I was just being a supportive friend, then we moved into more fun topics. But yeah, I was just glad to see her laugh and smile so much. We didn't end up talking about my feelings, which I'm cool with. I just wanted to rebuild our friendship first before worrying about that stuff.

However, I'm not entirely sure what's the next move. I think I want to start talking to her like normal again. I'll be the supportive friend but I'll also focus more on making her laugh and having more fun with me?

AFTER SOME REFLECTION TIME...

So I re-read all the posts and if I were to do a survey, 90% of the comments seem directed to snapping me back to reality, such as "move on", "stay away", "stay friends if possible," etc.

I know that these possibilities exists and when the time comes, I will accept. But I'm just not ready to give up on her. I think that I can safely say that we're talking like the way we used to, before my confession. And we still haven't talked about my feelings and I do not plan to bring them up again.

I have been given a new advice. One of my friends told me that if I really liked her as much as I say I do, I should take the time to get to know her better (in a friendship context). I admit, in this first year that I've known, I've seen her less than 10 times. Our friendship consists mostly of emails and phone calls, mostly because I live 2 hours drive away.

My question is, if I were to follow this advice, how can I up my friendship with her? I feel that I like her enough that I am willing to wait this out for a while. I'm not really in a rush for a girlfriend, so... how do I get closer as a friend, while still kepping my chances alive (and not going overboard with the friendship) and drawing a line so that she does not cheat on her boyfriend?

(I wanted to clarify one point, this is her first boyfriend, so she does not have a history of jumping from one guy to another and I do not plan to be her first jump.)

One last thing, we've almost never talked about her boyfriend before. There was once I hinted something to determine how serious she was with him. The answer I got can have two conclusions, either she does not want to talk about her boyfriend with me or she does not take him seriously. It's a 50/50 chance so I'm not going to assume anything.

We can all agree that it is difficult to trust a person who jumps from one significant other to another. Just to clarify, the reason the person breaks up with his or her significant other is because he or she fell for someone else.

The girl has never made the jump before. She's on her first boyfriend and I much rather her not leave him just because of me.

1) Is that "first" jump the begining of future jumps?

2) Jumps cannot last forever, because the person has to "stop" sometime, right?

3) Is one of the reason for the jumps because they should not have been with that person in the first place?

4) Holding on until they find someone better?

5) Are these people "untrustworthy"?

Your questions are almost in an attempt to generalize certain people that exhibit certain behaviors. I am not sure, especially after question #1, that you can then ask the next 4 questions, as the last 4 questions revolve around a "pattern" and not just an isolated event, as question #1 is only an isolated event, unless it happens again... which would lead the questions to be answered on theory alone, and theory is pretty worthless when it comes to predicting certain types of relationships (though, obviously not all).

So, my theory in a nutshell, which has nothing to do with the first question: I would assume most people that constantly jump from one relationship to another have a serious self confidence issue. That, however, is merely my assumption, and nothing more...

She said: "I don't know what to say, but thank you for telling me"

When someone says, "I don't know what to say" in response to a confession of love, it probably means, "I know that the truth would hurt you, so I don't want to say it". It almost certainly does NOT mean, "I feel the same way about you". If that were true, she WOULD "know what to say".

KCTiger is right. Too much to assume. I don't think relationship jumpers even plan to jump most of the time. Personally though, I wouldn't date someone that would end a relationship to be with me. I wouldn't let myself get close to someone like that for fear of them doing the same to me and thus the relationship would be doomed from the start.

If your being friends with her in hopes of the two of you getting together than don't because the two of you might never take it to the level of being boyfriend and girlfriend. In the long run this could only hurt you because your feelings for her might only grow deeper for her while her doesn't.

Now if your going be her friend than be just that and take the focus off her by getting out and dating people.

Now I've heard of friends taking it to the level you want but if your only be friends with her in hopes of wining her over this can backfire on you.

There is too much to take into consideration on why the "first jump" was made.

I mean you could have a girl who was beat up and abused who found a guy at the place she works and finds comfort and strength in him to leave this arseclown and he treats her perfect they could live happily ever after.

It's all up to chance and scenarios

If your being friends with her in hopes of the two of you getting together than don't because the two of you might never take it to the level of being boyfriend and girlfriend. In the long run this could only hurt you because your feelings for her might only grow deeper for her while her doesn't.

Now if your going be her friend than be just that and take the focus off of her by getting out and dating people.

Now I've heard of friends taking it to the level you want but if your only be friends with her in hopes of wining her over this can backfire on you.

I know what you are saying, I can't wait forever for her... but the whole situation is just unbelievably painful.

I told her how I felt and she gives me an indirect response. Now we're talking again the way we used to. It also feels like she's more comfortable and open with me than before.

But... she's still with her boyfriend and I have no idea how they are doing because she never talks about him. And I almost never ask about him. I only remember asking her about him once in the year that I've known her and even that she gave a quick response.

My feelings have been growing deeper and depper the more I talk to her. So I tried ignoring her for a few weeks, but it killed me more than when I talk to her, because I rather her be part of my life as a friend than nothing at all. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I know that there are other fishes in the sea, but none like her... but there's practically nothing I can do about it...


When someone says, "I don't know what to say" in response to a confession of love, it probably means, "I know that the truth would hurt you, so I don't want to say it". It almost certainly does NOT mean, "I feel the same way about you". If that were true, she WOULD "know what to say".

I understand that part. It just sucks big time.

We started talking again the way we used to and she seems to be more comfortable and open with me than before. The more I talk to her, the more I've liked her. I thought eventually I would see her bad sides and my feelings would diminish, but it hasn't gone that way. So then I tried ignoring her for a few weeks, but that killed me even more, because I rather her be part of my life as a friend than nothing at all. I'm going to feel pain whether I talk to her or not.

I know that there are other fishes in the sea, but none like her... but there's nothing I can do about it... because she has a boyfriend... why does it have to suck so much?

why does it have to suck so much?

Because you let it...

Because you let it...

So you are saying that I should be able to controlling how much I like her?

I don't think it was my actions that caused me pain, I think it's more like the fact that I really like her and there's no way that we could be together.

Feelings are feelings... plain and simple. What I am saying is that sitting on your a$$ feeling bad that you "can't have" this girl is doing YOU no good. What you are doing is letting your feelings determine the root cause of your actions, and that, my friend, is a problem.

If you continue trying to "win her over," you are making a conscious choice to break up her relationship and probably break her heart. When a girl is IN a relationship, she's IN it... and whenever a relationship ends, it HURTS. No matter what the circumstances, it hurts.

You are purposely trying to hurt her by trying to woo her away from her boyfriend. That is not a good friend. That is the epitome of selfishness.

I'm sorry to be harsh, but from a woman's perspective, it's sweet that you like her, good that you told her, respectful that you said "this is my feeling, but I'll let you decide," and great that you're trying to be her friend. BUT. If you keep trying to break up her relationship, you're being awfully selfish.

Check out my signature - the purple one is a good rule to live by.

I think people are getting confused about my intentions... If you read my earlier posts, I think I made it pretty clear that I've keep my distance from her as only a friend (except for when I told her how I felt). I also made it clear that I don't want to be the guy that she cheats with, so another reason why I had to keep my distance. And... I don't even want her to break up with her boyfriend to be with me... because... if she breaks up with her boyfriend for me:

(1) It means that they had a fragile relationship in the first place, so the pain that I might cause her is not as great as you think;

(2) If she can break up with her boyfriend so easily, who's to say that she won't do the same to me... so I don't know if I will be able to trust her as a boyfriend.

Either option is bad... so reality has sunk in... there's nothing I can do anymore. I either wait for them to break up and then maybe contemplate a move... or... just forget it.

As for sitting my my a$$ with these feelings = not healthy... what do you suggest I do? The point is, whether I wait for her or not it's going to be painful, because, even if we just stay friends, the more I talk to her, the more I like her... but if I choose to block her out of my life, I will feel even more pain because I want her part of my life one way or another.

And... giving up on her is the easy way out. I know that option is always there... but if I was going to give up, I wouldn't have ask everyone for help. I was really hoping for options that I have not yet considered... and not people telling me what I already know :(

Choices man... that is what life is, a bunch of random, sucky, fun, not fun, hard, choices! Keep her as your friend and keep being miserable, or cut her out of your life, be in "pain" for a short period, and get on with YOUR LIFE!! Choices...

You likened this whole thing to a test that you're going to fail because you weren't allowed to take the exam.

My advice to you?

Change your major.

Yes, blocking her out of your life will be horrifically painful, but you know what? We've all had to do it for one reason or another. It's hard... but dangling that beautiful apple before your eyes, just out of reach, is going to hurt you even more than being honest with yourself and with her.

You've said that the more you talk to her, the more you like her. Then you need to stop talking to her. Its harshly simple and realistic.

Be honest. You can't have a relationship with her without ulterior motives - hidden or not.

Here's another angle... she knows how you feel, she probably sees it on your face when you're together and can hear it in your voice. She knows that you've fallen head over heels for her... yet, she doesn't want to choose between her relationship and her friendship...

... Does that mean that she's using you? I don't know... just a thought...

Thanks for the advices. I know reality sucks and I have to face it one way or another. I won't hide from it or live in some fantasy world.

I've liked at least 10 different girls as a teenage and since I was 18, I've dated a girl for 3 years and then later, another girl for 2 years... and I don't think I've ever felt so much pain before for a girl, and I'm not even her boyfriend.

I'm just so shocked at how deep my feelings have gone. I didn't even know this kind of pain existed until I met her.

I'm willing to accept that she will never be anything more than a friend. I agree that her happiness should come above all else, regardless of what I want. But blocking her completely out of my life is just not something I'm ready to do.

I'm a little late, but just meet the guy and be in the "friend zone" with him too. You're safer there. Of course he may not like you...
oh well, give it a try!

Let me give you this nugget.

If you MOVE ON and date, THAT is when she will be most likely to pay attention how you want. Sorry.

It's human nature and the dynamics of dating when one is "on the fence"...

You are too... comfortable and easy man. And some rare girls appreciate that at her age - but not a ton - and she is in the majority. You will not be penalized for moving on. It's FAIR. And it's a win-win.

You get a girl. If she wants more you'll hear about it and you'll have to deal with two.

UPDATE:

This completely caught me off guard and it seems way too good to be true. I found out last night that she changed her status on Facebook. She took her link with her boyfriend off. So now that part is blank, as in nothing in the status section. As for the boyfriend, it still says "In a relationship" but with no one linked to it. I guess he has to change that part off himself.

I don't want to get my hopes up or get ahead of myself because I haven't gotten any news from her directly. Just to be cautious, is it possible that she suddendly decided to hide her relationship of 1.5 year?

As for me, I think I will just continue to talk to her normally as if I knew nothing. If she does confirm it one day, I know that I can only be her friend for a while because I don't want to be her rebound...

Anything else I need to keep in mind about?

UPDATE:

This completely caught me off guard and it seems way too good to be true. I found out last night that she changed her status on Facebook. She took her link with her boyfriend off. So now that part is blank, as in nothing in the status section. As for the boyfriend, it still says "In a relationship" but with no one linked to it. I guess he has to change that part off himself.

I don't want to get my hopes up or get ahead of myself because I haven't gotten any news from her directly. Just to be cautious, is it possible that she suddendly decided to hide her relationship of 1.5 year?

As for me, I think I will just continue to talk to her normally as if I knew nothing. If she does confirm it one day, I know that I can only be her friend for a while because I don't want to be her rebound...

Anything else I need to keep in mind about?

Well, if it is changed on Facebook, then it must be official, someone alert the press... :rolleyes:

Dude, you sound like an absolute creeper right now... listen to yourself. You would be a rebound IF she decided to come to you AFTER she broke up with her boyfriend. Get your thumb out of your a$$ and quit acting like a freaking dog... your tail is wagging after reading her "status" on FB isn't it??

UPDATE:

This completely caught me off guard and it seems way too good to be true. I found out last night that she changed her status on Facebook. She took her link with her boyfriend off. So now that part is blank, as in nothing in the status section. As for the boyfriend, it still says "In a relationship" but with no one linked to it. I guess he has to change that part off himself.

I don't want to get my hopes up or get ahead of myself because I haven't gotten any news from her directly. Just to be cautious, is it possible that she suddendly decided to hide her relationship of 1.5 year?

As for me, I think I will just continue to talk to her normally as if I knew nothing. If she does confirm it one day, I know that I can only be her friend for a while because I don't want to be her rebound...

Anything else I need to keep in mind about?

Your falling for the Demon of FALSE HOPE!!

As much as I love Facebook, it is the absolute worst thing ever for people recovering from a breakup and those wanting something they can't or shouldn't have.

Just leave the girl alone and let her make up her own mind.

Seriously. That's the best thing to do!

Any updates I wish?

UPDATE:

First off, I wanted to thank everyone for their help. I really took everyone's opinion into consideration, as appreciative as I may have sounded.

About a week ago, she confirmed with me that she broke up with her boyfriend. She also told me that she hasd a job interview for a job in my city (we live 2 hours away). As she is already aware of my feelings, I didn't want to be the rebound guy (I didn't say this, but I was thinking it). So I told her that I was going to give her "time and space before contacting her again. But that I will be there for her if she just wanted to talk to a regular friend."

Instead, she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend for mutiple reasons and one of the reasons was that she wanted to concentrate on her studies and that I should not waste my time on her anymore. She told me to focus on my career and that she hopes to stay friends.

That was the last straw. It is still extremely painful and I'm trying my best to move on. I've never felt so much pain... I've even had two medium-term relationships (2 years and 3 years) and like quite a number of other girls, but I've never been so hurt and we've never even been together. Is this even possible?

Instead, she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend for mutiple reasons and one of the reasons was that she wanted to concentrate on her studies and that I should not waste my time on her anymore. She told me to focus on my career and that she hopes to stay friends.Ooohh, that's a chill wind blowin', man! How considerate of her to be concerned about a waste of YOUR time!

Actually, she did the honorable thing to make it clear that she doesn't want a romantic relationship with you, boyfriend or no boyfriend. You should thank her for that.


That was the last straw.
The sooner you really accept this, the sooner you'll start to heal. Illusions lose their power when they're accepted for what they are. She's not that into you, man. Sorry.

Yes, these asymmetric obsessions are a b!tch, it's true, but they seem to be a nearly universal human experience. I take that to mean they're a necessary part of our emotional education for adulthood. Suck it up, kid. Honestly, you'll be fine and I wish you well.

The way you put it, is it even worth being friends with her?

It's such a sad and pathetic feeling right now... I'm sure in time I will heal. Like I said, everything else in my life seems to be going all right. I know that I can't let one girl bring me down like this. But does it ever feel horrible.

I wish;1612164, The way you put it, is it even worth being friends with her?

Don't even think about that, until you have gotten past this whole situation, however long it takes.

It's such a sad and pathetic feeling right now...
I agree, break ups thoroughly suck!

I'm sure in time I will heal.
Absolutely!!

Like I said, everything else in my life seems to be going all right. I know that I can't let one girl bring me down like this.
That's something to remember. Even as you have those dark days, know the sun will shine again.

Thanks for your support.

This pain I'm feeling is outrageous. When we feel depressed, we feel pessimistic about every aspect of our lives. But I'm only feeling this way about the girl, like I said, every thing else in my life is going pretty well. So all the pain is concentrated on her, so it's really really really INTENSE. I can't even think of words to describe this feeling.

I don't know how to tone the intensity down. It makes no sense whatsoever. Where is the off switch?

is it even worth being friends with her?

It's such a sad and pathetic feeling right now... .

If you want those sad and pathetic feelings to hang around then be friends with her now , if you want those feelings to pass , best to get her out of your life until you have fully healed.

Just takes time I'm afraid. Good Luck!

I took the high road and I'm willing to be friends with her, because I rather her be part of my life somehow. But I know that I'll have to make sure that my feelings for her are gone before we can actually be friends right?

Her job interview is today and if she gets the job, she will be in the same city as me. It's easier to get over someone if they are farther away. (I'm sure half of you will tell me to only worry about it "IF" she gets the job).

Getting over her has been the toughest thing I've ever done. I'm able to accept that she used to have a boyfriend, that there's probably plenty of guys jumping at her now and that she probably might even like someone else. It's easy to block out those thoughts cause she's 2 hours away.

But it's going to be 10 times tougher if she's in the same city. I'll be so tempted to hang out with her, my feelings will rush back and I'm going to have to refuse to see her? This is going to destroy me...

Guess what, most people live in the same city with their ex. I do, and a ton of others do, so please don't use that as an excuse. The key to this is controlling your own actions. It isn't about worry, it is about actions. Worrying is just wasted emotion, but hard to control nonetheless. Actions, how you cope with your worrying, is a totally different thing. She could live a block away from you, and it wouldn't matter. The harder you focus on yourself, the easier and faster this will go.

You can get through this if you want to... if you are actually willing put forth the effort to. I am, unfortunately, not sure that you really want to however. Seems to me you are giving her way too much credit for your actions, and way too much control over them.

I took the high road and I'm willing to be friends with her, because I rather her be part of my life somehow. But I know that I'll have to make sure that my feelings for her are gone before I can actually be friends right?

Her job interview is today and if she gets the job, she will be in the same city as me. It's easier to get over someone if they are farther away. (I'm sure half of you will tell me to only worry about it "IF" she gets the job).

Getting over her has been the tougher thing. I've been able to accept that she used to have a bf, that there's probably plenty of guys jumping at her now and that she probably might even like someone else. It's easy to block out those thoughts cause she's 2 hours away.

But it's going to be 10 times tougher if she's in the same city. I'll be so tempted to hang out with her, my feelings will rush back and I'm going to have to refuse to see her? This is going to destroy me...

I feel for you, I really do, because I've been there. But I got to tell you, the first step to getting beyond this is to face up to the reality that this experience is something YOU are inflicting on YOURSELF, and has nothing AT ALL to do with HER. As long as you cling to the illusion that anything at all depends on HER, and what SHE feels about whom, you will suffer, and there's no help for it.

I know, I know, you aren't ready to stop suffering yet, and you'll have to do it till you're done just like everybody else, but when you ARE ready to stop, you know what to do first.

I was talking to a few friends and they all agree that she did not close the door on me completely. The funny thing is, none of those friends know each other, they're giving me advice separately. They all think that she just needs time to find herself again. Her ex boyfriend dragged her down, so she really has to work hard independently.

I have no problem giving her space. I am aware that all of this could just be an excuse that she just doesn't like me at all. But she just broke up a few weeks ago.

I feel like I should wait a few months and try again. During this time, I'll make sure to keep our contact to a minimum and meet new people. I won't put my life on hold for her, but I'm just not ready to give up on her either. Does this seem ridiculous?

Seems like you are contradicting yourself... you will "wait a few months" and then try again... but you won't put your life on hold for her??

Repeat that, and tell me if that makes any sense at all.

I repeated it, and even on a Monday morning after a crap of sleep weekend it doesn't make ANY sense to me. Then again putting my life on hold for someone else never made any sense to me

Seems like you are contradicting yourself...you will "wait a few months" and then try again...but you won't put your life on hold for her???

Repeat that, and tell me if that makes any sense at all.

I am well aware of the contradiction. My heart doesn't want to give up, but my brain tells me not to put my life on hold. Both ideas are inside of me, thus the contradiction and the reason I am seeking advice.

Does this seem ridiculous?

Ummm... Yeah, it does.

If you do what you are supposed to do, in a few months, she will be nothing but an after thought... right?

Maybe I should stick with no contact and take it day by day to see how my feelings change.

In a few months, if I still feel the same way, I'll ask the question again?

That sounds better than fooling yourself. At least then you can make a better decision for yourself, with a clear mind, and calmer emotions, and facts not just feelings.

Despite what your saying to others, No Contact does work for people who need to heal.

Got to spread it, but yes NC does work, I'm proof of it. But I do think it only works if you want it to and if you follow the rules of it. Maybe we should type up rules for NC

Rule # 1:

NC means NO CONTACT!! None, zero, zilch, NOTHING!

Rule # 2:

Stick to it

Rule # 3:

Delete ALL social networking sites in which you two are connected!

Rule # 4:

Refer to Rule # 3! Until you do this, you are not ready for Rule # 5

If I have time at work today I might write some of these rules down with explanations

Haha... You guys are making me laugh. I've had no problems since I began the "no contact" and I can't see it being a problem. Like I said, I've never had trouble giving people space.

However, I can feel that I like her even more than before I told her how I felt.

We also need a rule that mentions what to do when the other person contacts us. She hasn't contacted me yet, but what do I do if she does?

Ignore it, I am actually on that step right now on my writing ha ha

Ignore it, I am actually on that step right now on my writing ha ha

Wow that's going to be tough. I did offer to be there as a regular friend if she needed it. I'm confident that I can separate my feelings when I'm talking to her. So are you sure ignoring is the best idea? I want to be there for her.

If you can take hearing about her being with another guy without it stinging or hurting then feel free to continue contact. I know personally, I wouldn't be able to do that. Someone I have feelings for telling me about the person they were with last night. Not going to work for me

If you can take hearing about her being with another guy without it stinging or hurting then feel free to continue contact. I know personally, I wouldn't be able to do that. Someone I have feelings for telling me about the person they were with last night. not going to work for me

If she talked about another guy, then obviously I know that it's time for me to move on and I wouldn't be asking this question.

I HIGHLY doubt she will bring up another guy. She never once mentioned her boyfriend (good or bad) unless I asked her. I think I asked her twice in one year how he's doing and she just responded with "he's fine, still in school" both times and that's it.

I was thinking more along the lines of non-potential-new-boyfriend related matters, but I think you answered my question.

Any contact will keep the emotional dust from settling, and prolongs the misery.

I did offer to be there as a regular friend if she needed it. I'm confident that I can seperate my feelings when I'm talking to her.

It's amazing what we can fool ourselves into thinking!!


So are you sure ignoring is the best idea? I want to be there for her.

Why?? Your focus should be on you , not her.

You're right. I have been fooling myself. This no contact thing just isn't working for me. The pain is getting worse, but I can hide it better in public. I find myself liking her more and more. At least I don't feel the need to contact her.

As for her looking for me first, it hasn't happened, so I don't know how I will react. But I guess I'll be preparing myself to ignore her.

You're right. I have been fooling myself. This no contact thing just isn't working for me. .

There's only one person who can make it work for you and that's YOU , it takes time so just stick to the NC , be patient and it'll get better. As soon as you break it you go back a few steps.

Theres only one person who can make it work for you and thats YOU , it takes time so just stick to the NC , be patient and it'll get better. As soon as you break it you go back a few steps.

Yeah, I'm aware of the consequences. Thanks for reminding me though.

I really hope that the pain slows down. Right now, I'm just waiting for it to stop getting worse first, before it even starts getting better.

Hang on... she's not my ex... we never even dated, so why do I have to ignore her when she contacts me again?

Because it will continue to hurt you, you think??

Because it will continue to hurt you, ya think???

I understand.

But according to her she wants to focus only on school before thinking about dating again. I know that in most cases, this is just an excuse, but I believe her. I can't just assume that she doesn't like me back from that excuse.

If you read my other posts you would know that she doesn't treat me like a normal friend, unless she lead me on big time.

Furthermore, she just broke up with her boyfriend less than a month ago, so she needs to find herself again. There's no way for me to expect her to jump into a relationship right away, which is MY main reason for no contact. So because of these reasons, one day, I'm going to have to confront her for closure, to make sure that she really doesn't like me.

So if she's ready to date again and assuming that she has feelings for me, you guys are saying that will let me know? But... I still have to ignore her :confused:

Why are you wasting so much emotional energy on someone you've never been in a romantic relationship? YOU are only making YOURSELF suffer here. Seriously, if you keep banging your head against the wall, your head is going to hurt.

Closure? Are you kidding yourself? You never had anything with this girl to begin with. Closure for what? A non-relationship? You create your OWN closure. Actions speak louder than words my friend and if she liked you, she'd let you know! On a side note, you claim that she doesn't treat you like a 'normal' friend. Sorry to say, unless she's been giving you some serious body language and subcommunication that she's into you - you're delusioned and kidding yourself (women typically communicate in a more subtle manner than men but if they are REALLY interested, you'd know). Unless I missed something going through your posts, this seems like a clear cut case of one-way love.


There's no way for me to expect her to jump into a relationship right away, which is MY main reason for no contact.

The main reason for no contact is to allow yourself to get your life back and get over your feelings for someone so YOU can heal. I sense you are still allowing yourself to feel some false hope here left. This isn't about her, it is about YOU.

She knows how you feel, you already let the cat out of the bag. It is quite obvious she is trying to be nice and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Don't mistake her "niceness" as a sign of interest. She asked you to "stop wasting your time on her". If that's not a clear enough message to you, I'm not sure what is. Do you need a huge glaring sign with a message from her to you saying "I DON'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY"?

I knew going in that if I were to get her, it will take time and patience. So none of this should come as a surprise to me. She had a boyfriend and even if she were to break up, I would have to wait a while, to avoid being her rebound.

Maybe from that line ("stop wasting time on her") means that the road ahead of me is a dead end. But she literally just broke up with her boyfriend for less than two weeks when she told me that. We can't expect her to jump into a relationship with me.

Thanks for all the responses. I do appreciate the fact that everyone wants me to get her over quicker so that I can move on quicker. Like I said, my brain understands what you are saying, but my heart is telling me the opposite.

Giving up on her is the easy way out. None of the successes in my life have come easy, so I still believe.

We get that a lot, and I can understand your feelings. You are not alone, as we all have been through the same thing, many of us a few times, LOL.

All we say is, cope with your feelings in a positive way, and make good decisions for yourself based on fact, and not just feelings, and that's what No Contact does for you, along with staying busy, and being good to yourself.

Believe it or not, after the healing process, most people here don't want the ex back, because they have found happiness with the way things have turned out, and can see the options and opportunities that life has for us.

I am confident, so shall you.

You've made the unfortunate mistake of 'getting her' as a goal in your life. Now mind you, I've been there before and I've made the same mistake - so when I come to you in this manner I may seem harsh but its not out of disrespect for you. Things will NEVER turn out the way you want if you make 'getting someone' a goal in your life. You should be living a happy, stable, and fufilling life without anyone - first and foremost. If someone comes along that is wonderful and fantastic person and ADDS VALUE to your already existing life, then that's all the better.

is true that successes in life often do not come easy - but you have to have realistic and attainable goals to begin with. If you want to be the CEO of a major corporation its not impossible but it takes a lot of work. Goals like these are attainable and you actually have a chance to succeed at them.

Is giving up truly the easy way out? I believe the answer to that question is irrevalent - instead you should be asking if that is the correct question or not. Is a relationship with a specific person a 'success'? I would have to answer no - but it can be a blessing. There's a clear distinction between things that can benefit your life and things you can succeed at.

UnluckyDucky, I appreciate you being so direct. Some people are more harsh, some people are less harsh. But it's good to have diversity so that we can see all point of views.

I'm just not ready to give up on her and I know that I will regret it if I don't try again. I am aware that we might never end up together, but I'm not prepared to live with such a regret.

To me, the pain of rejection is less than the pain of regret.

My question to you is if you really truly feel this way, are you prepared to take the steps necessary to even have a chance at her?

If so, my advice to you is to do the following:

* Make yourself the #1 priority in your life.

* Develop a healthy and attractive lifestyle. Go to the gym. Work out. Get yourself some dandy new clothes.

* Go out and explore life. Find new hobbies and interests. This well help you find out what you really want in life and in a potential mate.

Maybe you're not ready to let go of her completely yet. That's fine, your heart is still feeling the emotions. But if you take these steps I've mentioned and say if she does come around to you, you'll be even more interesting to her and have a good life going for you regardless of the outcome. Can you honestly say you have anything to lose by doing these steps? :)

Giving up on her is the easy way out.

Actually it's the opposite , by not giving up on her your just taking the easy way out.

Giving up on her now is harder because then you have to start dealing with the pain straight away , your just delaying the process.

I think we have a different definition of giving up. By giving up, all I have to do is stop talking to her and turn my attention to other things. There are plenty of other things I would rather do than feel this kind of pain, so it won't be too hard to get over it.

I might sound like a robot, but I'm only going to give up with her when I feel like I have no more hope. If there's no hope, then there's no pain.

But I choose to keep the hope alive. It's looking bleak right now and I have to do the NC thing. Because of NC, I can't talk to her nor matter how badly I want to. So I have to learn patience. Just learning patience can be dreadful. Do I really need to list all the things that are causing me pain?

Do I really need to list all the things that are causing me pain?

Wouldn't hurt!!

1) Don't get to talk to her nor matter how much I want. Not only do I like her, but she was a good friend and we confided in each other a lot (minus her boyfriend stuff). So it feels like I lost a friend.

2) Since I'm doing the NC, nor matter how hard I resist, I will want to read her old emails or think about our past conversations thinking about what I did wrong, instead of focusing what I should do next.

3) Reflecting on the past in this situation is painful since we never dated, so we don't even have any happy memories. So what's left? Friendly moments and painful moments? I can't help but remember all those moments where I wanted to take a step closer to her but I couldn't because of her boyfriend.

3) It kind of kills me that she dated an idiot and I never got my chance.

4) There's so much I wanted to do to court her, but I didn't even do any of it because she has a boyfriend. So there's so much unfinished business, which will lead to regrets in the future. I'm not sure about other people, but regret is one of the most painful things for me.

5) I have no idea how long it will take before I can make my next move, so every day feels like an eternity.

6) My days are going fine until I see things that reminds me of her and it reminds me of the pain.

As for "giving up," I would give up because none of these things on the list bothers me anymore = no pain.

UPDATE:

I finally broke the no contact rule April 5, cause I felt ready to talk to her again. I was ready to accept that she will only see me as a friend and I wanted to rebuild the friendship.

Initially, I wanted to call to wish her good luck on her exams and keep the conversation short. When she picked up, she actually sounded happy to hear from me, which caught me off guard. I was expecting the call to go to voicemail and I would leave a short message. The conversation ended with her telling me how she's stressed been cause she still can't find a co-op and she's overloaded with school work. So I told her to send me her CV so that I can help her out and that I'll talk to her after her exams, which is the end of April.

One of my friends might be able to help me out, so I had to call her again the same night to confirm which job she applied for. Then, I went to sleep and when I woke up this morning, I saw that she left me a message asking me if she could send her terms papers for me to correct.

I am so confused. I'm guessing that I should not read too much into all this and see it as it is. I've offered to help her out with her co-op job a few months ago and she said she'll take my offer when she gets desperate. And it's not the first time that I will correct her papers.

UPDATE:


I am so confused. I'm guessing that I should not read too much into all this and see it as it is. I've offered to help her out with her co-op job a few months ago and she said she'll take my offer when she gets desperate. And it's not the first time that I will correct her papers.

This is EXACTLY why you aren't ready to be friends with her... you have just completely gone against every piece of advice we have offered. You are living in a dream world if you think you can just be her friend!

This is EXACTLY why you aren't ready to be friends with her...you have just completely gone against every piece of advice we have offered. You are living in a dream world if you think you can just be her friend!

I have accepted that nothing more than friendship can happen between us. But at the same time, I wasn't even expecting her to be able to be a regular friend. I thought that she would just ignore my call and that I would leave a voicemail.

Are you saying that we can never ever be friends?

I'm confused because she picked up. Does this mean she's ready to put my feelings behind us and move forward as being regular friends?

What advice did not I follow? Wasn't I suppose to accept that she rejected me and move on?

There is no point in being her friend... NONE! Especially when everything she does throws you for a loop. We have told you to not be friends with her until you are over it... you aren't over it, at all. Until you can talk to her without over analyzing ever single thing she does, you shouldn't try and be her friend. It is like trying to play mind games with your heart.

Hi I wish,

I know exactly what you are going through, but KC is correct. (I had to spread the rep!).

I went through something very similar with an ex boyfriend. I wanted so badly to be 'friends' with him again, and extended myself as you are doing (by offering to help check her papers, etc). On the surface I was trying to be altruistic but really I wanted to have the door open again and in a way expected him to hear my voice, see my kindness, and come back to me; reconsider. But that didn't happen. My point being is as much as it hurts, you must for your own good and happiness, let her go. I know it is a cliche' but time will heal you. When you get the urge to reach out to her, come here and talk with us instead.

You're right about how I'm over-analysing her actions. I was caught off guard, cause some girls can't stay friends with guys and I was expecting her to be the same.

But, I've been leading a different type of life. Many of my close girl friends are girls that I used to have feelings for. I let them know but they didn't feel the same way. Because the tension is gone, we definitely have a stronger friendship.

As for leaving the door open. Like I said, I've already accepted that she doesn't like me more than a friend so I'm not expecting anything more than a friendship. I wouldn't throw away a friendship just because the person doesn't feel the same way about me. You have to respect your friends, not hold it against them and stop yourself from being their friend.

I agree, nobody wants to throw away a friendship. But, she is making you analyze things again, which doesn't benefit you at all. I think you should at least give it more time (for you to heal more) and then possibly have a friendship down the road. But now, it is too soon.

Time will tell whether your ready, or not! Let us know.

Wow, I just re-read all the posts from beginning to end. I feel like I'm in a better position to understand what you guys said to be earlier. I just wanted to say that I'm glad that I posted my problem. I want to thank everyone who helped me out.

I admit, I was not able to fully follow all the advices early on. I was definitely suffering, but it was a necessary process for me to heal.

Now, I find myself giving the same advice to other people as you did for me. Funny how things turned out.

As for an update on my situation. I called her last weekend to wish her good luck on her exams. I was expecting the call to go to voicemail and just leave a short message. But she actually picked up and seemed pretty happy to hear from me. She did most of the talking, telling me that she still hasn't found a co-op job yet and that she's really stressed with school. I offered to help her find a job, so I'm looking but it's tough in this economy. She also sent me her essay so that I can help her correct (I've corrected her essays before, so nothing new).

Anyway, all this to say, I'm glad that I can talk to her normally again. Like you all said, she knows how I feel, if she wanted something to happen, she will let me know. But I'm not going to wait around for her anymore.

I know it sounds like I healed pretty fast, but remember we never dated, so there's no history between us.

But feel free to continue the harshness, cause it works!

She can be your friend.

Find someone else for a relationship.

She can be your friend.

Find someone else for a relationship.

I think so too. Two weeks ago, we spoke on the phone for a few minutes and she seemed fine. I texted her a few days later to wish her good luck on her exams and replied in 2 minutes to thank me. Then last Friday, I wanted to confied in her, so I called (she has call display) and texted her, but I haven't receive any response and it's already Monday. She might be busy, but she could have at least had the courtesy to tell me she's busy, right?

I feel like she only responds when she feels like it. I want to move on from her, everything feels so pointless with her now. I already blocked her on IM. I'm thinking of blocking her on Facebook, even though we don't use that to communicate, but does it look too suspicious? It will look like I don't even want to be friends with her, but I have no choice if I want to move on right?

If she calls or emails, I won't respond.

That is the best thing for to do, move on. You can't force a friendship.

You give such great advice to others and I can't believe you broke no contact, to rekindle a dead flame under the guise of friendship. She doesn't want that from you, so take the hint.

Your contact has escalated every time she responds.

Do we have to make you stand in the corner??

You give such great advice to others and I can't believe you broke no contact, to rekindle a dead flame under the guise of friendship. She doesn't want that from you, so take the hint.

Your contact has escalated every time she responds.

Do we have to make you stand in the corner????

I don't understand why it's easier to give people advice than to take it myself.

I broke the rules, so I do have to stand in the corner. You don't need to drag me, I'll walk over there myself.

Edit: Done, blocked and deleted from Facebook.

UPDATE:

We used to email 3-4 times a week and talk on the phone once at week, but in the last 2-3 months, we've stopped. I know I broke the no contact a few times, but I was not fully committed to it before.

I haven't broken the no contact for the last 2 weeks, but all this time has been making me wonder if it's too extreme. Most of my friends think it's a bit overboard. They think that I should have just left her on my contact lists and just not contact her.

Doesn't no contact apply for people who broke up?

If she only sees me as a friend, she's going to be very confused. I know that she's in her exam period, so I have this false sense of hope that she will try to find me after her exams. But her only way to contact me is by phone. I even put her email on my ban list.

Can someone please re-explain and confirm that I'm doing the right thing by blocking her out? I still feel the pain...

You're doing the right thing... trust me!!

Hi I wish,

You are doing the right thing, hon. You don't need any more pain and suffering that is why you are doing the NC rule. If you continue to keep her as a friend on Facebook, etc you will always be tempted to reach out to her, see what she is doing, etc. Why torture yourself? You are a good guy capable of love, so now, you need to heal yourself, so you can be all ready for your next relationship with someone.

Thanks kctiger and starlite1!

I just wish that the pain can go away. During my first few tries of no contact, I felt like I wasn't making any progress in the recovery. On the contrary, I felt like the condition got worse with no end in sight. I had this false hope that she would contact me after her exams. So I had that date set in my mind (which is the end of the week).

I gave up the no contact the previous times because I wanted to try the reverse. Maybe contacting her would make me have a worse impression of her. In the end, I think it worked out, because I do have a worse impression of her. Now I don't even want to wait the last few days out, which is how I was able to block her out of all Facebook, IM and e-mail.

The pain hasn't gone down at all in the last few months, it's only gone up. But I can say this, I feel like I've suffered so much that even if she liked me back now, I would hesistate. Could hesitation be the first sign of recovery?

Edit: I just wanted to mention that my friends think I've given up on her too easily. They think that I should wait it out and then try to contact her when she's done her exams. They think that I should follow my heart and not my brain. That I'm being too extreme by blocking her out and that she will be so confused with my behavior. When I'm arguing with my friends that I'm doing the right thing, I find myself unconsciouly referring to the advice that you guys (in this forum) gave me. I starting to believe that you guys are giving me the more objective advice, because it seems fairly unanimous.

Absolutely! The fact that you would hesitate is a great sign of healing and moving on! Good for you, I wish.

As far as your friends, you are not being too extreme at all. It is not them dealing with the breakup, you are, and you need to do what is right for you. Believe me, I'm sure your friends are great, but because of experience from us here, you are doing the right thing with NC. You are doing it for yourself to get better, not for your friends.

Remember, I never dated her. She had a boyfriend and she broke up with him. I was waiting on the sidelines all this time for the right moment to make a move. I did tell her how I felt twice, but one of the times she was still with her boyfriend and the other time she just broke up for about a week (refer to past posts). So I really felt like I never had my chance, which is everyone's argument. They say, I've waited so long for her to break up and I was suppose to wait for her to finish her exams and recover from her breakup before making a move. So it looks like I'm giving up before even getting started. And that telling her how I feel is not making a move.

I keep telling myself that if she's interested, she will find me and that I don't need to make anymore moves. As for the no contact, it's so that I can move on. I lost a bit of patience with her and I don't want to wait anymore.

I keep telling myself that if she's interested, she will find me and that I don't need to make anymore moves. As for the no contact, it's so that I can move on. I lost a bit of patience with her and I don't want to wait anymore.

Don't wait around anymore. You need to focus on yourself and not on her anymore. If she is interested in you, let her make the contact, not you. You have waited long enough. It isn't fair to you, hon.

Waiting around all this time doesn't make sense. You have to realize, and I think you do that, you could have been doing a lot of things for yourself, and had some good clean fun, and explored so many options, and opportunities, that are right in front of you, had you the clear eyes, and attitude to do so. Do so now.

Sorry I can't sugar coat this, but after almost 3 months, there should be some progress being made, and some good orderly directions, being attempted. While I understand how hard it can be, one thing is obvious, your holding back your own healing.

Consider this a cyber slap, just to move you along. Especially given the good advice you have given others.

I Wish, just move on and don't play the sidelines for anyone. Your only cheating yourself out of finding happiness. Time to close this chapter of your life and start a new one.

I wish keep on NCing it will get easier. I don't know if I'm right or wrong but I think its easier to let go of something you never had in the first place. Don't break NC anymore, don't wait anymore, go out more, be around people more, start laughing again and having a good time with friends and family and use your time productively instead of thinking of her.

Thanks guys! I really like the unanimous advice I'm getting. It makes it easier to follow the advice because so many people are in agreement.

Progress update:

I'm still on the NC. I've been doing all the suggestions. I've been super busy, meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends, etc.

But yesterday, I got 3 calls from her area code and I thought it was her (because we use phone cards to call each other, so there's no way to know who's calling). Of course I didn't pick up. In the end, it was one of my friends was using her workphone to call me.

But now the incident got me thinking about the girl again. I feel like I haven't recovered at all. The only thing good is that the longer I stick to no contact, the longer she doesn't contact me, the more I realize that she's not interested. So nor matter how I feel about her, it won't matter. But I wish there was a way to speed up the healing... cause it's starting to feel like every new girl I meet, that I might be interested in, is going to be a rebound.

This NC stuff is so much easier said than done.

You're doing great I Wish! Keep up the NC and stay strong. There will always be times you will think of her and feel down. Its perfectly normal to get sad sometimes. Speeding up the healing process isn't the best way to heal though, it might actually prevent you from being completely healed. What I mean is take all the time in the world you need to heal.

Hope you feel better! We ll always be here for you!!

- none12345

I agree with you you are a friend to her leave it that way don't push yo may lose a friendship

How have you been doing these days? Wutcha been up to lately? Haven't heard anything from this thread for a while lolz

Update:

I just got mass a text message from her. She said that she got a new number and it looks like she's going away for some time because she said "see you all next year." Then she tells everyone to check our emails. But as you know, I blocked her from my email list, so I won't get her email.

So... summary: she has a new number. She's going away for until next year.

I'm extremely tempted to call her or unblock her from my email list to see if I can get her email. But I know I shouldn't. HHHHHHEEEEELLLLPPP... the temptation is killing me.

Update:

I just got mass a text message from her. She said that she got a new number and it looks like she's going away for some time because she said "see you all next year." Then she tells everyone to check our emails. But as you know, I blocked her from my email list, so I won't get her email.

So... summary: she has a new number. She's going away for until next year.

I'm extremely tempted to call her or unblock her from my email list to see if I can get her email. But I know I shouldn't. Help............... the temptation is killing me.

Actually this is a perfect opportunity to forget her for good if that is what you want.

You know what you need to do... so do it. DO NOT contact her. She can call you if she wants. Carry on and do not make a monumental mistake here. It ain't worth it.

Thanks guys... I'm actually with my cousin and is holding onto my cellphone and keeping an eye on me from unblocking her email.

I also deleted the text message right away. I don't want to fall into the trap.

Thanks guys... I'm actually with my cousin and is holding onto my cellphone and keeping an eye on me from unblocking her email.

I also deleted the text message right away. I don't want to fall into the trap.

Can I ask you why you just blocked her and didn't delete her?! =P DELETE HER BRO and you won't ever be tempted to unblock her!! And is your cousin always going to be there to hold onto your cell, you won't ever use your cell anymore because of her? O_O

I think I got it under control now.

I blocked and deleted her from IM, email and Facebook. But I memorized her email, so I can add it back anytime. But it's cool now, my friend knocked some sense into me last night.

Thanks None, like you said, this is my chance to really get over her.

I think I got it under control now.

I blocked and deleted her from IM, email and Facebook. But I memorized her email, so I can add it back anytime. But it's cool now, my friend knocked some sense into me last night.

Thanks None, like you said, this is my chance to really get over her.

Good move deleting her I wish. I know how hard it is.

Don't worry about getting over her. You're taking the right measures to forget about this whole mess.

Update:

I've been done with my recovery for a few weeks now. All my feelings for this person are gone. So I wanted to mention that NO CONTACT in my case was a true SUCCESS. Hopefully my story will give others encouragement. Here are a few things that I learnt:

1) The advice that we receive in this forum can be very helpful. Allows us to view things in another perspective.

2) No contact actually does work. Once our feelings for that person are drained out of our system, we feel extremely refreshed and like a new person.

3) Reconciliation is always in our minds at the beginning of no contact, but at the end of no contact, reconciliation is long forgotten and not even considered anymore.

4) For those who want to become friends again. Take it from me, I don't even want to attempt a friendship. It is a waste of time and there 6 billion other people in this world. No point putting myself through all that drama again.

5) Finally, this is a bittersweet one though, but at the end of no contact, we get a better idea of who your true friends are. The ones who were willing to stand by us, as oppose to the ones who turn away.

Thanks again for all your helpful suggestions!

Thanks again for all your helpful suggestions!

A success story, I love it, thank you for being a good listener, and giving some very good advice yourself.

I'm really glad that all the advice given to you I wish was Helpful and that your story is a success :)

Good for you ;)